/schizophrenia/ general

Travis it's not okay to glamorize your illness. You can't go looking for people that help feed your delusions.

We have had a talk about this.
Are you off your medications again?

>>37686416
I think I'm far from glamorizing or romanticizing my illness, just a little bit, but I'm mostly looking for some folks to talk about it who went through something similar, company, you know, that's all. also I take my meds religiously, literally.

>>37686465
I am glad to hear you are continuing to take your medication but travis, I don't think this is the right place to seek people out. But if you you are feeling lonley we do have group sessions that are safe and structured if you are looking for other people like yourself.
How does that sound?

>>37686585
God i hate group therapy

What are your personal symptoms? What delusions do you have?

>>37686585
Doc, I appreciate your concern, but I really like the anonymous setting image boards provide to openly talk about everything on my heart, as opposed to structured controlled group settings.

Also come on, you can't tell me I'm the only nutcase on here, do you tell me I'm the only one collecting neet bux for a fucking reason on here?

>>37686617
Travis I know its difficult but it WILL help you. You already said you want to meet other people like yourself and I think a few group sessions will allow you to do that in a healthy environment.

What exactly do you not like about group therapy?

>>37686624
When I go full blown schizo, mostly the religious type of dleusions. Wich is kinda funny cause I was raised as an atheist.

Think I'm the chosen one by the divine to safe human kind or to start heaven on earth.. yeah.. and that's just the beginning of my episode it really goes downhill from there.. hear voices telling me that very fact, everything starts to tell me this, people on tv, songs on the radio, etc. I go on an epic quest to achieve that feat always guided by my surroundings, stones, birds, clouds, ads, graffities everything starts to guide me, and I do crazy shit in the process.. that's it in a nutshell, but I could write whole books about my psychotic months.

>>37686695
I have these to. I start believing im satan. I hate that i was raised religious. Religious doctrine really screws the psyche up.

>>37686695
What makes you so sure you aren't?
Because its scary?

>>37686727
Yeah I've also been the anti-christ, and christ, sometimes also simultaneously, one time I called myself the middle-christ. Fucking psychosis. Then I was God and then I tried to prove to God that I was a better God than he was by fail checking reality for bugs, which was incredibly exhausting because they were hard to find.

>>37686727
That's just you being hard on yourself and internalizing your negative self thoughts. Then you associate it with the worst person you have heard of.

A lot of people do that. It's very common.

>>37686748
Mostly because it's a common delusion I share with other schizos, and we can't all be the chosen one.

But to be perfectly honest, I see it as more than just a chemical imbalance in my brain and nothing more, I see it as some spiritual happening going on.

I can't make much sense of it in hindsight, but maybe it's some sort of test, or some sort of training, or I don't know, some sort of connection to the mystical realm of archetypes, of lived out myths.
Well, I can't find the right words for it, but it felt realer than anything else I've ever experienced, realer than ordinary life, and it's hard to just shrug it off as too much dopamine in my brain and nothing more.

Maybe I should just up my meds, but they are already at their max dosage.. so yeah..

>>37686827
Has it ever crossed your mind that you are all chosen?

Maybe you all need to work together to save the world.

You expect to save the world by yourself? Isn't that just too much? Maybe you are all here to help each other.

If one things for sure, you know there are others love me you. You aren't alone.

I've been recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia and its hell on earth, till you get medicated out the wazoo and cry bc of how hungry it makes you

>>37686940
*others like you. You aren't alone.

>>37686969
Did you also think you need to help the world?

>>37686940
In the beginning of my second psychosis I was told to find others like me so we could safe the world together, so this thought definitely crossed my mind, yes.

Even in hindsight this crossed my mind, but even together this is a mighty big task, especially for schizos who sometimes even have trouble with easy tasks like brushing their teeth and keeping their flat clean, especially right after a psychosis. I've been a neet for years because of psychosis, I don't want to romanticise this stuff too much..

I mean even if we would all gather us loners togehter, how would we even start? All we have is our crazy memories that might or might not be so crazy but definitely seem crazy to people who haven't been through the same?

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>>37686695
>When I go full blown schizo, mostly the religious type of dleusions. Wich is kinda funny cause I was raised as an atheist.
>Think I'm the chosen one by the divine to safe human kind or to start heaven on earth.. yeah.. and that's just the beginning of my episode it really goes downhill from there.. hear voices telling me that very fact, everything starts to tell me this, people on tv, songs on the radio, etc. I go on an epic quest to achieve that feat always guided by my surroundings, stones, birds, clouds, ads, graffities everything starts to guide me, and I do crazy shit in the process.. that's it in a nutshell, but I could write whole books about my psychotic months.
Tell me a story daddy

>>37686969
Yeah don't tell me about weight gain.. I was always fit until I got on abilify, now I'm a fat fuck.. but got it under control now after years and in the process of slowly loosing my weight again, but shit, does this stuff make you hungry in the beginning especially.

>>37687055
It's been difficult because you didn't know what was going on with yourself. You didn't know what was going on with the world. Not to mention the forces that are against you.

Other people thought you were strange, and you thought you were strange. That has an effect that can be detrimental to a person. Once you and others realize what and who you are, when things are clear, things will be different. You will be able to be the person you were meant to be.

>>37687178
Well for now I'm just content with being able to work again and to function well again socially and so on. But I'm very skeptic that I'll ever see the day that my social surrounding doesn't call my delusions crazy and doesn't make fun of my "time as the messiahs" as my friends like to joke about.. but that's okay.

I guess what I long for is people that understand me and what I've been through and who I can talk about it, kinda like I can do with you online, only I want them as RL friends. But those are hard to come by. Can't find them in group sessions either, as psychiatrists will call it reinforcing each others delusions and so on.. oh well.

And sometimes I'm not even sure if they aren't right with that you know, well on a deep level I'm sure of what I've experienced, but on a higher up strictly logic level I only know that I know nothing and can't be sure of anything.

My voices stopped. It's over. I can finally get off this ride

>>37687340
Why not secretly meet with someone from group?
Has there been anyone you think you could relate to?
Anyone you think would be good for your cause?

Travis in the end it is up to you if you want to help save the world. You can continue living your life like you are or you can believe in yourself and live life in truth. Remember there are others out there like you and you are not alone.
Do not be scared, the one who has chosen you, is you.

i'm not schizophrenic but i had a psychotic episode a year ago and it was literally the best feeling i've ever had in my life. i can't enjoy real life anymore because i know nothing will feel this real again anyways.
i kinda want to do drugs so i'd hopefully become psychotic forever. is it worth it?

Not holding up too well. Just told my psychiatrist to fuck off with the clozapine I'm not taking that shit, I'm not going to become a zombie so I can be slave for a society that doesn't give a shit about me. Why the fuck do you want me to die inside so I can work a shit job just for the sake of working you stupid bitch? At least when I'm psychotic it feels normal. Everything's rigged, I'm taking my life soon to escape this place. Fellow schizos, I hope you do the same, it's the only somewhat happy ending there is.

>>37688858
>i kinda want to do drugs so i'd hopefully become psychotic forever. is it worth it?
no. I imagine its not as romantic as it sounds
>>37689071
how much did she ask you to take?

i had a psychotic episode where i recorded music a lot, i kinda miss it desu but i did have brain attacks where there was a deathly sensation of pain in my head, and also lost the plot a few times got locked up in a ward for my behavior

here's a song i recorded when i was psychotic

https://youtu.be/OnCOBRn7Ktg

>How's life treating you?
fine as far as shut-in NEETs go I guess
>What's the craziest shit you've ever done while psychotic?
it's not much, but as someone who never left the house back then, I trespassed into a few abandoned buildings and forest trails around my neighborhood, and at the peak of my psychosis I wandered around barefoot for some 20 kilometers picking up thrown away things in my way, my objective was to go into the wilderness as far away from civilization, because of some paranoid delusion
>Do you still believe in your delusions?
it's probably impossible for me to go back to a completely normal mindset, synchronicities happened back then that made it clear the world is just an editable simulation, things that persisted even after the hallucinations were over
>Do you take anti-psychotic medication and what side effects do you experience?
yeah, a second generation one, I get chapped lips, droll excessively during sleep, excrete with far less frequency, can't concentrate as well as before, probably more that I'm forgetting because it's just "normal" now

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Does anyone here have any experience with Clozapine? My doc wants to put me on it but I dont think its a very good idea.
Dont really like to get my blood checked every week, and then I would also be forced to have someone check on me EVERY DAY.