How do I become nicer

>>37653882
Think before you speak. Consider that if you're making a statement that will hurt someone else that it is always an inappropriate statement. People remember emotions. If people go away from their interaction with you with a negative emotional response then they're going to remember only feeling bad with you.

If people feel bad enough with you they'll stop spending time with you. Eventually you'll be in the same horrifying state (mentally) of being thrown out of your village at midnight - crying, naked, and afraid of the real beasts. Be kind to people. It always works out in your favor in the long run and you'll actually feel content with yourself.

Can you specify how you're not nice at all?

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I suffer from assholism too, and the answer is just "find people who can deal with your bullshit" and "apologize often".

It feels like I'm subjecting my friends to an abusive relationship by being mean, then apologizing later when I'm less angry, but there's not much else to do. I try my best to make sure they know I really do care about them even if I get extremely annoyed easily. It's a character flaw you need to work around and manage, and while I've gotten better as I got older, I still get mad often.

Just do your best.

>>37654005
you could get a reminder tatoo on your forearm doesnt even have to say anything obvious. a simple be kind today.

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>used to be extremely nice
>basically was a doormat
>got completely fucking BURNED in one particularly bad incident
>way overcompensated and now I dont know how to stop being an asshole
>unable to properly interact with people anymore if im not being mean

>>37653882
That's a strength in today's world, women will gush over you for it. I wish I had the confidence to bully people.

>>37654005
>>37654049
Are you increasing the size of your friend group, decreasing, or is it staying the same? It's an unsustainable approach to socialbility and in the end all that matters to humans are the social relationships we have. Don't let your emotions control you and stop yourself next time you know you're going to say something mean. Think about what it is you're going to say and why and then what it will make the other person feel. There is a certain level of playful banter that is VERY healthy but there's nuance to all of these things. Don't be a slave to your emotions.

>>37653986
I said that I often make rude and inappropriate comments to people and speak without thinking first

>>37654097
Not really when you just come as an asshole with bad manners

>>37654097
Being confident/assertive is very different than being rude or insulting. Consider that a confident man will wave off a random stranger throwing insults at them. A bully is slave to saving face from the insults. Women don't like men that are bullys, they like men that are in control. Especially in control of themselves. That means judging when it's time to be an asshole (which is VERY FUCKING RARE) and when it's time to shrug your shoulders and tell someone to have a nice day.

>>37653882

Anon, I think I have become a pretty nice person, so I will make a guide for you.

To be nice naturally, without thinking, you must change your subconscious personality, your entire way of thinking. It is a difficult journey, but I have done it and so can you.

How do you change yourself? You must first think of what to change into, and then pretend to be that. If you pretend long enough, you will change into the exact thing you are pretending to be.

You first must stop your anger and desire for revenge at the source. Be empathetic to people, even when they upset you. Think about how they feel, why they are acting the way they are. Even if they're definitely jerks, think about why they are jerks. Everyone has their own problems, you should not be quick in judgement. Be tolerant of people who annoy you.

SJWs whining? Ignore them, not your problem. Wish them a nice day. Someone gets up in your face and rude? Being rude to them doesn't help, wish them a nice day. If you get angry back at them, you are just becoming them. Be better than that. If you practice enough, you can quell your negative emotions.

Do not wish harm on anyone, ever. Harming others is not to your benefit, so do not desire it. This is fundamental to being nice.

That is general advice for enlightenment, cont for details on how to make yourself likeable.

>>37654203
It's hard to feel empathy when you have mild autism, I always think of myself first.
I am not even malicious person though

>>37654153
Consider what you just replied with.

>can you specify how you're not nice at all

>I said

I know. I read it. I'm asking for specifics.

Consider that you probably have an attitude problem. You specifically felt the need to say, "I said" which means: I already told you and you weren't paying enough attention.

You could have left off the "I said" and the sentence has a totally different emotion feel. You need to understand that you're probably defaulting to being defensive and thus being rude. Stop looking for small victories in conversation and start listening to other people. You need to be both the listener and the talker. Not just the talker. I'm happy to expand on this if need be but you have a very telling first two words. I've seen them before in many people and I'm happy you used them because it makes things a little more clear.

>>37654240
It's hard to be empathetic even without autism for most. Stop putting these crutches and excuses down on yourself. Also stop being so critical.

>I always think of myself first

That cannot be true. There have been a litany of situations where you've thought of someone else first but you're too focused on being critical of yourself. You obviously do care about other people, anon, even before yourself if you're willing to make a thread about it. You're willing to improve yourself or at least look at doing so and that's more than most people in the world.

>>37654268
Well, that's another thing I have problem with in conversations, I am often convinced I am right and find it hard to respect some people.

cont from
>>37654203

You're probably autistic if you don't realise your inappropriate remarks. Don't feel shame, I am autistic too. With practice you can learn all the social skills that normies have.

First off, think before you speak. Get into the habit of this. Think about other people's feelings, whether they think differently to you.

The old adage applies here: "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

If you are not sure whether something you say is appropriate, don't say it. Better safe than sorry. Will this make you quieter and less talkative? Yes. But if you're socially awkward like you or me, that's the most likeable personality to have, otherwise you will inevitably screw up.

People will say to you: "You don't talk much do you?"
To which you will reply: "I don't say anything if I don't have something worth saying."

People will think that's wise and shit. They'll like you.

Do not brag. Let people discover your talents naturally, like when they ask.

Concentrate on the following mantra:

Anger does not solve problems.
Fear does not solve problems.
Revenge does not solve problems.
Sadness does not solve problems.
Those things ARE problems.

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>>37654203
>You first must stop your anger and desire for revenge at the source. Be empathetic to people, even when they upset you. Think about how they feel, why they are acting the way they are. Even if they're definitely jerks, think about why they are jerks. Everyone has their own problems, you should not be quick in judgement. Be tolerant of people who annoy you.
the problem I have is the more I think about why people are the way they are the angrier I get. I hate them for their laziness, I hate them for the lies they constantly spread and delude themselves with, I hate them for their conflicting beliefs. I see humans as inherently cruel and I hate them for it. I hate myself because I constantly catch myself exhibiting the same flaws that make me hate these people. The more I sit down and think about basically the entire human experience, the more I hate it and the more bitter I become.

>>37654161
>Being confident/assertive is very different than being rude or insulting
lol

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have more respect for your senpais

>>37654357

When you are angry, take a deep breath and calm down. Your hate only makes you unhappy, it does not help you. Focus on the problem that made you angry: can you solve it? Yes? Then solve it calmly. No? Then being angry won't help.

>>37654328
Well you're not always right and you're probably wrong much more than you would like to be. You passively corrected the post earlier (I said) when it was completely irrelevant to the actually question asking for specifics. It's human to err.

>>37654339
This is actually really solid advice. Especially the part about not bragging about yourself. Always try to understand you're PART of a conversation. If someone tells you a story ask them about it. Take turns talking, tell stories that are relevant to their experience and then bring it back to their story by restating parts that are shared.

>>37654371
They are different: You order a coffee and they've clearly forgotten it.

>I ORDERED MY COFFEE 10 MINUTES AGO AND YOU IDIOTS FORGOT IT!

>Hey I need the coffee I ordered 10 minutes ago, thanks.

Done. You can escalate any social situation. You can make things better or worse. You don't have to be silent but you do have to be thoughtful.

This thread was a bad idea OP. It's attracted some very unpleasant people. The type I hate most, who like to act like they're good people when they're actually terrible. Like virtue signalling and making a big deal about social justice, then in the same breath degrading and talking badly about others. It's the kind of thing that normalfags all do, and they don't even have the self awareness to realize they're doing it.

Lines like
>in the end all that matters to humans are the social relationships we have
are a dead giveaway.

Please don't listen to these people or take them seriously, you should know by now that a normalfag's advice is ALWAYS bad advice.

I think a lot about what other people feel and try to put myself in their shoes. All the time. It let's you easily determine what they want and how you could help them.

>>37653882
>implying its a problem
LOW T

>>37655021
Maintaining healthy social relationships is all that matters to people in the end. What those relationships are can vary wildly. We're social animals, anon, you cannot ignore the nature that got you here. Well you can but it's to your own demise. We could confront the ideas you're disagreeing with so we can sort them out.

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Can anyone teach me how to be a complete aloof asshole? I think I'm so nice that people get bored of me...and I often do feel like I get taken advantage of. And just plain cuck

C-can any anons teach me the essentials of being an asshole?

>>37655154
What, are you some shitty wannabe psych coming on here to practice giving bad advice that won't help anyone? At least you're doing it for free instead of stealing people's money.

You are absolutely incorrect, you're so incorrect that you won't even consider the possibility that you're wrong. This is why you're worthless, normalfag. There's no point talking to you, fruitful discussion is impossible.

>muh social animals

Totally laughable, you don't have the first idea what you're talking about.

>>37655231
I actually do consider the idea that I'm wrong pretty seriously. That's why I read and discuss things. I'm post posting, anon, just like you. I would encourage anyone to read a good classic like Pinnochio, I know it seems irrelevant but the book has really changed my life. Take what you will from this but I hope you can find something to take without anger.

>>37655184
1. stop caring
2. stop being retarded