Psychological Issues #74

Threads a bit dead, hey?

Can't believe we're at 74 already, damn.

>>37640621
I have become God.

>>37640894
>Threads a bit dead, hey?

No thread is dead before it starts. All it takes for this thread to thrive is one of you and one of me.

If I had kept my normal pace, we'd be much further by now. I must have opened 8 threads without numbers, not counting those opened by others. I used to do this daily.

>>37640934
I remember, the time you would post were by the time i was heading to bed, or i'd come into a thread with >300 replies

Talking of, been hearing some slack about you from some other channels Nick, seem like a nice enough bloke, so i don't know what they really mean.

>>37640932

What will you do now?


>>37640958
>been hearing some slack about you from some other channels

Pray tell.

>>37640967
>Pray tell.
Nothing too bad, 'armchair psychologist', other things saying how you're as bad as the roastie threads bringing r9k down, just trivial stuff, really.

I like what you're doing here, just seems like a lot for one guy to do though sometimes.

>>37640992

I get the armchair psychologist stuff a lot, well, used to. Haven't faced a troll in weeks now.

People who say that generally resent all types of therapy, not just mine. They usually have vested interests in keeping their own minds off the idea that exploring their psyche could do anything. It tells more about themselves than it does about me. Besides, for all anyone knows, I'm a licensed therapist.

As to bringing down /r9k/, that's puerile. It's an online board with temporary threads; anyone worrying about its general state is beyond help.

They should worry about themselves before caring that much about Chinese drawings forums.

>>37640992

You are aware that the vast majority of people that run group therapy sessions are not actual psychologists right?

You know that it's effectiveness isn't based around the host but having people who present their problems and are forced to deal with them?

Coupled with the fact that most psychologist are left wing women that disregard most clinical evidence and do their own thing, you're better off with the "armchair psychologist"

>>37641034

This, to a large extent. What's more, I'm doing therapy myself, with a good one, and I re-use what I learn there.

It can't ever be like face to face therapy, of course, but it's good enough for what it is.

>>37641034
No, i didn't, i don't have anything against Nick or group therapy sessions, i also can't talk about them with anecdotal evidence since i don't have any, i just sit in my room all day bottling my shit up yo.
>>37641030
Like i said, really trivial stuff, in short retrospect was real dumb to even mention it.

>>37641068
>Like i said, really trivial stuff, in short retrospect was real dumb to even mention it.

Nah, I'm always curious about stuff like that. In any group that exists long enough, you'll have tensions.

Can you summarise your case in bullet points?

>>37641108
my case?
Not really, what i said is all I've got

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>>37641135

I meant you as a person, what's your story. I saw you before but right off the bat I don't remember who you are.

>>37641156
oh, me, yeah sure i guess.
>alcohol
>lack of empathy for other people
>general apathy
>dont know what the fuck is happening half the time

My life is a bit of an organised mess, i want money but fucked if i can go out and work since my anxiety has decided to crawl back in, my family has shunted me out of their circle and i spend 95% of my time in my room.

There was also a failed suicide attempt in there, but it is not really brought up much since no one irl even noticed.

>>37641232

Describe an instance of you lacking empathy for someone.

>>37641272
Right now our guest room is being taken up by a single mother and her baby, sometimes she goes all 'this is too much' and the baby is just left fucking screaming it's lungs out. So my family will take care of it while the mother sorts her shit out, they asked me to look after it one day and i just said no, it's not my baby, i don't really give a fuck what happens to it or the mother for a matter of fact.

The mother isn't a random stranger either, she's been a ''family'friend' for years, but i very rarely willingly associated myself with people who aren't immediate family.

>>37641052

Well, I find it interesting because the implication is that people without licenses or degrees in psychology literally cannot get a group of people together, ask questions, and listen. Something that has probably been going on since we developed the ability to speak coherently to each other.

Therapy used to be done on a cultural level, often people going to role models without training who would 'sort you out' so to speak. It can also be done in groups of men who are friends, but most people don't consider that therapy. Either isn't really an option for the majority of down and out users of R9K, but it doesn't sit well that you would get any shit for basically extending the circle of friends out to a image board.

In fact, I'm not familiar with these threads, but I remember the fitness threads if you're the same Nick who ran those, and I remember people being annoyed with the idea of self improvement and the idea that they could possibly improve themselves in such a state. I think what you are doing is really admirable, but it must seem futile at times.

>>37641317

Describe the thought process that happens in your mind as you're thinking about whether or not you'll take care of the baby. I might describe mine later on.

>>37641327
>Well, I find it interesting because the implication is that people without licenses or degrees in psychology literally cannot get a group of people together, ask questions, and listen. Something that has probably been going on since we developed the ability to speak coherently to each other.

My therapist follows the school of Carl Rogers, a name I had never heard of before despite my interest in psychology, and this guy has the right idea: make therapy humane. It's a natural thing humans do, some of us more than others, some of us to insane levels, that's where I'm at. I naturally function as a therapist in most of my friendships, to the point where I even observe friends in their relationships and recommend stuff, which actually works. It's pretty fucking amazing to witness, and it's why I have enough confidence to open this thread. I know what I'm doing.

One of the most useful elements of my own therapy is my therapist's natural reaction, as opposed to therapists who keep a poker face, as if that seemed more professional.

Her reaction showed me I didn't quite see how fucked up certain things were, that I was biased, had blind spots, that my parents were much worse than I ever realised. It's all obvious now and I feel like a moron for not having seen that before, but it's much like people who escape cults. You can't know without a perspective; it's even worse when your parents are the gurus of their own little cult.

>>37641328
alright, i suppose. kinda hard but i'll try
>'anon can you please take care of the baby?'

>what? its not my baby
>why cant the mother do it
>shes having another fucking 'meltdown' i bet, Jesus Christ
>i don't care about the baby, wish it would shut up though

>'No, i wont'

for a little bit afterwards i thought about how small the baby is compared to us, and how small we are etc etc, which i do a lot it seems.

>>37641327
>but I remember the fitness threads if you're the same Nick

I am. The very same. I'll still dish out fitness advice when necessary.

Futility is the condition of all things, short of believing in God and a few implications.

It's OK. If anything, it shows people some of us want to help and will go to great lengths to do so.

Besides, the thread has become the HQ for a bunch of regulars to get together on a daily basis. It's too soon now, so they're not here, but that counts for something. It's all good.

Thank you for your kind words.

>>37641365
>>37641389

The pokerface never sat well with me, or the accompanied false sense of superiority that comes with some psychoanalysts types. This seems to draw a culture of distrust to psychological help, and partly think it is justifiable. Some of them don't really care, and wanted a decent job, much like doctors. Others just have no real thought process that would allow them sympathy for problems they will never face.

Therapists seem to be better, depending on if there's a distinction where you live but for example, the average psychologist has an IQ of that around people who also have Masters and Doctorate degrees, so 115-120 on average. It isn't likely that they would really be able to understand someone with a 70s IQ that is basically unable to function in every day life or work.

I was aware that you were having a few problems yourself. I asked you if you wanted to help with a group I used to run off site, and you responded that you weren't feeling well. I was going to send you this quote, but it didn't seem right at the time.

"Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."

>>37641545

I actually quoted the Pagliacci stuff in one of these threads.

Yeah, I have a few insane problems that I don't know how I survived. I'm more stable now. I make efforts, I try to socialise a lot, I work out, I watch movies to distract myself. I only cry when Magneto gets feels for his soulbro Charles and they disagree on normies, and it turns out Magneto is right with his REEE NORMIE, REEEEE.

As to IQ's, higher IQ's can generally understand retards, but it has less to do with IQ than with empathy. Just understand the person's frame of thinking and you'll get there. I do this a lot in my job. Not with retards, but kids.

>>37641594
whats your job Nick?

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>>37641623

I teach English.

>>37641642
That's pretty cool. Do you only teach English? i remember my school made teachers who weren't knowledgeable in a subject teach it

>>37641668

Yes, I was given some other subjects just so I'd make enough to be able to live on it. I was given computer stuff and geography with young students, so while I don't have a degree in either, I'm good enough to teach kids both of those things. Probably dumping geography next year, though, I don't like the work I did this year, so screw it. Less money for me but more integrity.

I'm also studying again as of August, so I'll need my own time.

>>37641594

I more mean that IQ, being the greatest predictor of success ever devised by psychology, would likely mean that the psychologists themselves were going to be successful regardless of what they did, but there's a very common attitude that "hard work", "willpower" and similar conscientious traits are the sole reason of why they are functional in life, and that simply isn't true. It leads to advice full of platitudes that simply doesn't work. I guess it's the "just be yourself" of the shrink world.

Not sure where empathy comes from. Openness and agreeableness traits, maybe, but there should be more of it in their interactions, for sure.

Just out of curiosity, what's the root of your problem?

>>37641727
Did you always want to be a teacher? or is it just something that sprung into effect later on in life.

>>37640621
hello , hope you are well.

>>37641760
>I more mean that IQ, being the greatest predictor of success ever devised by psychology, would likely mean that the psychologists themselves were going to be successful regardless of what they did, but there's a very common attitude that "hard work", "willpower" and similar conscientious traits are the sole reason of why they are functional in life, and that simply isn't true. It leads to advice full of platitudes that simply doesn't work. I guess it's the "just be yourself" of the shrink world.

I never faced that, even with bad therapists.

Therapists know that how you're raised affects you as an adult in tremendous ways.

>Just out of curiosity, what's the root of your problem?

I was raised by non-humans, which led to complicated problems throughout my life and immense suffering which I never saw for what it was until recently. Years and years in loneliness, failed many normal objectives in life, have to start over now.

Other problems involve losing my relationship of 7 years with someone I thought I'd be forever with. I lost it due to my having had a secret relationship with someone else, which made me realise what to be in love meant. It's been a huge catastrophe, worse than can be imagined, and I'm still dealing with the consequences of it.

Right, how do I get over my student apartment mates leaving?

In the past I never connected with anyone, but now I've made these close friends over the year and once they leave for summer I'll never see them again because I'm moving country when the new semester starts.
And it developed so casually too, we wouldn't go out, but we'd spend 4-5 hours if we didn't keep track of time in the kitchen, plenty of drunk heart to hearts after coming back from separate nights out. So we won't organise to travel and meet at any point, because our place, our connection was in the kitchen.
Anyway, one just left and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. First, I don't make many connections with people, and second, even more rarely do they leave my life in such an absolute manner.
I'm having a really hard time processing it.

>>37641762

I hated school and being a teacher was the last thing on my mind. The job grew on me and I believe it saved me in many ways. It socialised me, not the easiest way, by far, but I became a pretty good teacher. I felt validated by being appreciated and respected for my work. I also got to talk to humans of all ages for hours a day, and that helped.

Unlike what I used to think, I do like working with people, and I like being around them.

>>37641832

Are therapists the same as clinical psychologists where you live?

I'm also curious to find out what you think about Jordan Peterson and his lectures.

>>37641857
>Right, how do I get over my student apartment mates leaving?

Keep in touch, write to each other, organise trips together, you don't have to lose them.

Focus on the fact that you can make friends again, and you will. Cool people abound, worry not.

If you can do it once, you can do it 500 times and more. Focus on that.

>>37641907
>Are therapists the same as clinical psychologists where you live?

Therapist here is a person who engages in therapy, this can be a psychologist or a psychiatrist. A clinical psychologist, here, I think, is someone who works in a clinic, as a boss or therapist or whatever, but it's about the institution more than what they do exactly.

I've never heard of Jordan Peterson.

>>37641936

I'm not well versed in this, but I believe here that clinical is used to mean psychologists that deal with actual problems, rather than social psychologists.

Aw shit, I thought you must have been living under a rock. I'm excited to introduce you to him, but I should find a good lecture to start. Let me pull up his Youtube for starters:
https://www.youtube.com/user/JordanPetersonVideos

>>37641980
>deal with actual problems, rather than social psychologists.

That's a horrible way to put things. Often, less intense problems have heavier consequences. A depression that nails you down will force you to get better, while a milder depression can wear you the fuck out for decades if you don't treat it.

Thank you for the link, I'll check it out right now.

>>37641936
>>37641980

Yeah, I don't know where to start. He has a really good personality lecture series, and his Maps of Meaning may knock you on your ass.

Here's a short public lecture, he doesn't go into detail, but a similar theme appears in his dozens of hours of work he has online. It's worth checking out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLp7vWB0TeY

>>37642021

I don't think you understand what I implied. Clinical psychologists deal with people who have problems, and they try to take away the problem.

Social psychologists work in marketing, managing, as political strategists, and it's generally a corrupted field based on the application of psychology for profit alone. They do conduct research, but I think that's mostly people from the clinical side that come over. They don't deal with any problems, beyond application of group and individual psychology for the gain of business.

>>37642128

I see what you mean. Being a psychologist can be any of these, any that seeks to help people are called therapists. In my understanding.

>>37640621
What's up guys. Names helbrecht. I've felt totally numb the past 5 days. Normally there's a break in between and I feel good for a bit but nope. For example this girl I'm in love with came over yesterday for a bit and I was really trying to have fun but I couldn't truly enjoy it. And that hurt me. Then I went to a concert yesterday night and I felt nothing. Yes it was a good concert but I was struggling so hard just to be happy. Please end this all. I'm so done with it.

>>37642183

See derealisation, see Borderline traits, see what happens when a girl you love leaves you.

Hi, Nick. I just wanted to apologize for my horrible behavior the other day. It wasn't personal in nature. I have some resentment issues towards people that sometimes surfaces in personal attacks. I think you're an ok person (from what I've seen of you) and I feel bad for what I said. What you do with these threads is a very good thing, I think.

At least I've become more aware of my interpersonal problems. So yeah, I'm sorry and hope you didn't take it to heart. I guess there's always a chance you don't even remember me, which would be a good thing.

>>37642204
See I don't think it's really anything like that. It's not like I feel everything isn't real it's like a deep sadness. Like someone died and I just got news of it. But always. And it's worn me down to a point where I feel like none of this is worth it if none of it will ever make me happy

>>37642256

I remember you. Don't worry about me, no harm done. I'm very happy to see your post, it's positive. There's hope, worry not.

I told you I was used to helping wounded animals who bite and claw, it was true.

: )

>>37642330

Do a depression test.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>37642183
>>37642183

Human happiness isn't a constant and generally you'll always feel more negative feelings than positive, as negative feelings are much more of an effective biological drive.

Do you have purpose, do you have fulfillment? That's more your problem in my estimation.

I've got a question. Since i'm pretty tired about my irrational phobia about being judged, and i'm in actual physical pain that's preventing menm to focus on studying, i've started to make a list in which i've written down all the things that i suppose people think about me. Now, can it be helpful? Or can it actually be harmful in any ways? Because the thinking was that i could rationalize better with written things, but i'm not so sure now that it's becoming long

>>37642392
Thanks, that's probably more than I deserve. I'm kinda appalled by myself. Sometimes my feelings seem so erratic and unpredictable.

I've had a lot of issues since I was very young, and I've been continually let down by people around me, both "professionals", family and friends. If you ever see me getting to erratic, just tell me to take a break and come back later. I sometimes drink too much as well. Not that I'm planning to stalk you for attention to the point where you need to tell me to fuck off. I'm just saying if I'm ever behaving like that again, that's probably the best way to address it.

>>37642475

What you need the most is to realise what other people really think. It's never nearly as bad as you think, and people never assume that their opinion matters this much to you, or anyone else.

Realise that these are your own fears, they're in you, not other people.

Show us the list.

>>37642536
>Thanks, that's probably more than I deserve.

It's the least you deserve.

> Sometimes my feelings seem so erratic and unpredictable.

It's not your fault. You're doing your best with the cards you have, and you have shitty cards in part.

>I'm just saying if I'm ever behaving like that again, that's probably the best way to address it.

Don't worry about that. I won't tell you to fuck off, I didn't the first time. You need support, not to be sent away.

>>37642397
>>37642400
Got a score of 42 on the test.

And no I don't feel fulfilled at all. I make hardly any money I have about 3 friends but none of them ever ask me to hang out or seem to really care. Except my girl (exclusive but no label) who is just as stressed as i am. So I don't want her stressing about me so I just don't have anyone to go to. None of my friends really care. My family cares but I don't want them to worry.

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Hey Atlas! You're a bit overweight!

>>37642586

Definitely suffering from depression. Keep that in mind, your state isn't normal.

>>37642602

My mother sent me an e-mail minutes ago. I'm opening it.

>>37642621
>My mother sent me an e-mail

Fucking hell, it's got dates from the past, it's going be the story of my little life, and who knows how much bullshit it will be made of.

Here we go. I already feel physically sick.

>>37642621
Alright then. Keep us posted.

>tfw shaky hands

>>37642537
It's in italian, so it will take a while to translate it all. The short version is something on the line of "i dislike myself, people will dislike myself more for doing something (eg, going for a run) because i'm either a nuisance (because the only close place i've got to run is basically a city road, with not a lot otlf traffic though) or inadequate at what i'm trying to do.
I'm kinda afraid to post the whole list also, because is irrational and stupid and i'm ashamed of it and even talking about it feel wrong

>>37642661

I'm laughing hysterically. My natural father's name was never what I had been told it was.

>dad is assassin's creed
>kekking for hours

>>37642681
>It's in italian,

Post away, I'm a half goomba, I'll understand half of it.

>>37642578
>You need support, not to be sent away.

Maybe. Sometimes I worry I'll become a worse person for it, though. I'm worried I'll become dependent on it. Isolating my feelings and becoming "independent" seem like the safer option. I think I've developed an unhealthy need of support where I actually go the other way and isolate myself so I wont succumb to that side of me. I know a part of me want acceptance and support, and since I resent that side I move further away from everything. Kind of difficult to explain, but I hate leeching off others for my own well being, at the same time I tend to crave it.

I'm signing off now, if you reply to this I'll read it, but I wont address it until the next thread. (Which I hope you continue to do, but don't demand or expect)

>>37642713
Ezio is a pretty cool name desu

>>37642759

It is. My mother's letter is making me sick. So much entitlement, holy fucking shit. And spelling mistakes. It's like reading a retard's plea.

I'm fuming and reading 2 lines at a time.

>>37642777
>777
At least God is on your side

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>>37642789

Lord Kek is always on my side. He's my real father now, and Mary is my real mother.

>>37642713
Ezio is a cool name, although i've never meet someone called like that. Another pretty cool and underrated one is Michelangelo imho.
Translating the list, just because if i decide to even post it might as well do it right

>>37642934

Less cool is that my version of Ezio is a wife-beater and a rapist. News to me.

>tfw literal son of a rapist/wife-beater

And I was in the next room when this shit happened. Bravo Obama.

Fuck, my computer crash and I lost what I as writing.

>>37642475
It's good that you know it's irrational, that's a start. You feel that way from thousands of years of evolution where being disliked by the tribe could lead to a very painful death, so you would constantly have to be aware of the judgment of those around you. In the current age, the tribe is bigger, so fewer people care about you, and any judgment is practically meaningless because modern people are like kittens without claws, rather than the tigers we faced in the path.

If this comes alongside anxiety, I recommend exposure therapy to let your mind know that there's nothing to fear from these situations. After enough exposure, your mind will come down, because it will learn that no harm will come to you because of the perceived judgment. So don't run away when you feel anxious, it's the worst thing you can do and it will prove to your mind that the threat existed in the first place.

Really though, most people don't give a shit about you. Insecure people are often the most judging, and they feel the most judged, but well adjusted people may as well not know you exist. You're free to make your own path, no harm will come because of it.

>>37642586
So, you're listless and devoid of purpose. You chase feelings that only exist temporarily or in marketing campaigns to sell you shit. You need a shield against the suffering of life, the suffering that will affect every one of us. A purpose to live to begin with. Find that purpose, and you'll have the fulfillment you need. I recommend you read Man's Search for Meaning. It's a decent start.

>>37642945
Can you honestly take your mother at her word about this or anything else?

>>37642984

Fuck, my computer crashed and I lost what I was writing*

Omg fitness nick. I emailed u but your throwaway expired. I lost weight and might still be losing, and im not even trying this time. I really cant be assed with counting calories. But i moved to japan and i walk and cycle a lot everyday. I lose about 1kg every month. I'm not even trying now.

>>37642988
>Can you honestly take your mother at her word about this or anything else?

Yeah, I believe that. I suspected it.

Origin story almost as bad as fucking Freddy Krueger's. Goddam.

Won't be able to do the thread anymore. I'll be here posting about my own shit until I decide what to do next.

>>37643016
That's awesome!

new email is [email protected]

>>37642945

If your mother is pathological, there's no telling what your father was actual like. His genetics may have some effect on your temperament, and obviously, your health, but you are not a cookie cutter version of him unless you want to become one. It really doesn't matter what your father was like, rapist or not. All of us have ancestors who have done terrible things.

>>37643032
Whatever you need to do, Nick. Someone will keep the thread rolling each day.

After the sob story, here comes the attack, as expected.

Fucking hell.

>>37642718
>>37642984
Here it is, in all of it stupidly.

>gay, if i came out, outcasted as not normal
>i look younger than i am (like, i'm 23 and i look 16, 14 if i shave), and people my age tend to hate/dislike the younger one
>talking about my problem with someone might annoy them
>or they could spend their time helping somebody else that need it more
About working out, something i'm considering because you said it could help with depression, and also because it could improve my look
>if i go running i'm a problem for people driving
>i'm way out of shape and i don't want to embarrass myself in front of others
>i must expose my body because it's hot and i dislike it (too skelly, hairy af)
>if i ever decide to join a gym, i must take some time off the study and i don't want to delude my parents because i'm not doing great recently
>also i must ask them to pay for it
>also same problems as going running but i cannot avoid people
Finally, i've stopped going out with my friends
>depressed and don't want to ruin their good time
>afraid of meeting other people and be forced to talk about the most popular argument between Italians male (football, which i know nothing about)

>>37643118
Keep it together. Don't let her mess with your head. And remember, that's most likely why she told you.

>>37643118

And now she's considering suing me. Top kek.

>>37643032
>>37643118
>>37643181

>until I decide what to do next.

My suggestion? Let go the dog that is biting you.

I don't pretend to know the full situation in the least, but your interest in the pathological actions of your parents probably isn't good for you. You suffer in your interactions with them, but the problem never works itself out. You'll never fix the situation, or receive the acceptance you are deserving of.

Your parents are not ominous beings. They have seemingly nothing to offer you but more pain. You don't owe them anything, and you should act in the best interest of yourself, even that means forever cutting contact with them.

>>37643142

In most western cultures, they are accepting of normal people who happen to be gay, they may not extend that acceptance if you suddenly stop acting desirable to the culture. Conduct yourself in a way the demands respect, regardless of sexual preference. They are worried about the harmful effects of degenerate behavior, not you individually.

Looking younger will actually help you in just a few years time, and will be of more benefit as you age. Most people don't care, as long as you act your age.

Most people don't want to deal with the problems of other people, sure. I mean, do you? You should act like a stoic in public, and be the rock they cling to. This will make you more desirable to those around you. Be powerful in your interactions with other people, be soft spoken to yourself when you're alone.

If you went driving, you would be a problem for other drivers. As a runner, I can say that you'll probably quickly develop the ability to run fast for long periods of time. You have the build for it, and you're likely male, so you're at an advantage. It won't be long before you'll be stylin' on the other runners you see if you keep at it.

I should also point out that hiding from your friends is the worst thing you can do. Don't cut contact because of your insecurity. If you don't feel happy, it doesn't matter. If you don't want to talk, ask them questions instead. Your value is not what you do for them.

>>37642602
WEAK
No but really Im suprised you didn't stop yet

Btw hello everyone

>>37643142
>>37643362

Oh, and non-runners have no idea what is fast or what seems "out of shape". They may see you as an obstacle, but it isn't personal. I think you should stop using the judgment of those around you as an excuse to do what you know you should be doing.

Nothing prevents you from counting calories and gaining weight. The cost of extra calories is quite low.

>>37643409
Yeah that one was a bit of an anti-joke really.

>>37643411
I know i'm making excuses, that 's why i said it's retarded and irrational. The fact that i know this is also kinda unhelpful, because i realize how pathetic i am

>>37643523

You're not pathetic. If you were, I would admit it. You don't see many other people with their shit together, because it's hard and most people lack any motivation to improve. The vast majority of people will always be out of shape people lying to themselves. At the very least, you'll face the truth and see that you are the cause your issues, and that you can face them if you want to.

You may, however, be less functional in life than other people, but that could be that you are higher in the neurotic personality trait and suffer stress and anxiety more. Again, that's something you can help.

You're young, you're reasonably good health, you are presumably intelligent. You don't have any real problems, so quit throwing a wrench into your spokes. There's no reason why you shouldn't be better than those around you.

Sup all, including you Atlas
>>37643409

>>37643142
you already know these fears are irrational. so rationalizing them will only take you so far. chances are if you manage to rationalize one away two more will take it's place.
focus instead of why you have them.
what will happen if someone would judge you? why do you expect so harsh judgement from everyone?

>>37643523
>>37643604

Also when you suffer anxiety, remind yourself of the purpose of your activity and acknowledge your feelings. Don't suffer from paradoxical intention by trying to avoid thinking about it, instead try to think about what could happen to you and attempt to become more anxious. This is called Logotherapy.

>>37643604
I have a question, is pretty important to me that you answer honestly. Are you M.C.?
After that, thank your for telling me i can do it. It kinda means a lot

>>37643689

Sorry, I'm am not M.C. Assuming you are referring to a person and not something else. I don't come to these threads often, nor talk to a lot of people from the r9k group.

Good luck out there regardless.

>>37643637
Now i must ask it. What has Atlas done?
I don't know what will happen, probably i'll feel over ashamed of myself, and i already don't think much of myself if not a studying machine. It's more like "something bad could happen to me, let's do everything in my power to prevent it"
I don't necessarily expect a judgment, i'm simply afraid of the improbable possibilities that it could happen, ignoring the fact that 99,99% of the time it wouldn't

>>37643779
Yes, it's a person who only know part of the things i wrote down, so i wanted to be sure, dunno what i could have done if you were

>>37641327
>and I remember people being annoyed with the idea of self improvement and the idea that they could possibly improve themselves in such a state.
Boy oh boy, so do I...

Also how is everyone doing? The last thread was a lot of fun with the homeless borderbro.

>>37643821
Let me guess, they don't know you are gay?

>>37643788
Atlas is a person i find interesting and i enjoy following his story, it's more who he are than what he's done.

do you often feel shamefull of things you've done or how other people perceive what you've done?

>>37643847
it's all good. i enjoyed homelessbro aswell, though i think i just lurked that thread. it's kinda cool to see new sides of Dan also.

>>37643943
How did you guessed?
>>37643967
It depends, sometimes i care too much, somethimes i go full autistic rage and o don't care about a thing. Then i look back at it after some days and I start wondering what if i offended somebody, what if i went too far with a joke etc, etc...

>>37644111
>it's kinda cool to see new sides of Dan also.
n-no u-u baka

Although I'm not sure if I said many new things in that thread. Pretty much the old shit.

>>37644158

It's the only thing on the list that I could think that someone would be that ashamed about.

This may surprise you, but I spend quite a lot of time on /pol/ and I generally have far right and libertarian views. My thoughts aren't indicative of everyone for that reason, but I can shine some light on the thought progress of the more "homophobic" straight men.

Generally, we are disapproving of predatory gay men and those who hate western culture while preferring to dress up half naked in pink outfits. I think honesty among gay people is hard to come by, partly because the more rational members don't want to be associated with the bug chasing and hyper sexuality of the rest of the group, and partly because it can draw attention to themselves.

There's a good joke by an American comic, Doug Stanhope, that goes something along the lines of 'I tell people on planes that I'm gay. Not actually gay, but I think it's good to here it come from a mouth of a normal person, so they don't think that all gay people are talk in lisps and do weird shit.

I guess my point is that you shouldn't hide it. You can be openly gay among straight right wing people, as well as everyone else. Just don't let it define your life and you have the responsibility to be truthful in the interactions with those around you. I was molested while I slept in high school, by someone I had no idea was actually gay. I don't fear or hate gay people, I hate wolves in sheep clothing. Everyone should say and do what they mean, and with that, your sexuality doesn't matter.

>>37644158
chances are you have gone to far with jokes and offended people. just as im sure that has happened to you aswell.

do you remember everyone that has inconvenienced you? do you still hate them?

fucking up is part of life. own your mistakes and learn from them. should you be confronted and realize something is way off in what you've done, own the mistake by apologizing.
just like anon above have said you should live your life according to who you are. bending over backwards to avoid offending anyone just leave you locked up inside some basement

>>37644209
maybe im just to used to the danrailing to have been able to see the person earlier

Would anyone go to a furrycon? I probaby would desu. Not into it, but I'd do anything once. If there were some way to avoid diseases of course. Actually, maybe not. Might be a step too far, even for me.

>>37644886
>maybe im just to used to the danrailing to have been able to see the person earlier
Oh come on. I've been pretty tame for some time now. I've only danrailed maybe 2 - 3 times.

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>tfw you're waifu doesn't exist

>>37644980
yeah, you're right. it'd be more fair of me to say a non-redpilling side

>>37645405
Yeah. I try to be on my best behavior mostly, turns out self-constraint does a lot for you.

However I'm still deeply fucked up. As are many people ITT, even the ones who don't seem to be upon. First seeing them.

>>37644443
As a matter of fact, i disapprove and dislike the whole flamboyant gay stereotype, i find it irritating at best and plain offensive at worst. Thing is, i don't know if any relationship i currently have with my friends will change, and if one in particular would change for the worst i will be devastated.
>>37644886
I hate only few people, i tend to try to go along with everybody. Sometimes i joke i don't have any personality and i simply assimilate the one from the people i'm around with. Still, there are some people i despite with all my heart, but it's reciprocal

>>37645590
>turns out self-constraint does a lot for you.
who would've guessed. i wish i could apply a little bit less constraint on myself. it would be nice to be able to act on my feelings for once.

>>37645697
nothing wrong with having a few enemies. just be real about what it takes to actually make one. going for a run certainly wont do it.

>>37643181
LOL Nick receives a little letter from his mom and suddenly he loses his shit. I'm sure he can help others in his state of mind

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>>37645172
>Tfw your waifu died years ago

Jack our Bagman, we can't never forget him and his bag and belt

>>37646071

Your pathetic attempt at being a big boy has been noted, and dismissed. Try again when you can hit harder without being so obvious.

>>37646145
KEK call me back when you can deal with your mommy and LO issues like an adult, mate.
Go back to crying now

>>37646004
>who would've guessed. i wish i could apply a little bit less constraint on myself. it would be nice to be able to act on my feelings for once.
You could. I think it would help you. Repressing your emotion is kinda bad.

>>37640621
gonna put it out in points as its somewhat long and it will be faster and easier to write it out this way:
>been separating myself from friends and siblings for past 4 years
>living with parents all this time, things are going somewhat well
>I do have a low paying job, but at least I have one
>2 months in
>get a panic attack at work
>hide between aisles and wait it out
>month ago
>didnt manage to hide it
>supervisor has me for a talk
>says he needs a team
>if I cant manage, he will need to replace me
>confess about what I have been going through with depression and anxiety
>we move on
>two weeks ago
>teamleader gets fired
>he was really friendly and I was looking up to him
>I knew shit he was in, it hit me quite bad
>back home family is annoyed that I dont go out and socialize with them
>my younger sister is mad I am not going to birthday part of my nephew (aged 2 soon)
>when coming back from work on a train, urge to jump gets stronger with each day that didnt go well
I am in pain and I cant share my pain in places other than 4chan
medication (SSRI) didnt help, already on bad terms with Doctor
what do?

>>37646162
>when you can deal with your mommy and LO issues like an adult,

Let's hear your version of what an adult way of dealing with these is. I'm curious. Doubt you'll be man enough for that, however. Prove me wrong.

>>37646287
Have you tried any other therapy? Or only SSRIs?

>>37646425
>Let's hear your version of what an adult way of dealing with these is
It's very easy. Your parents can't hurt you anymore. Stop making a fuzz about them. And you cheated on your LO. You already broke her heart and there's nothing you can do about that. Even if you ended up together again there would be no way to regain her trust. Realize what you have done and move on. Find the next person and make it a point not to hurt her.

But I suppose crying and losing your shit is more satisfying because it's more dramatic.

Again, see:
>>37646162

>>37646428
yeah, 4 sessions of 30 minute talk with """psychiatrist"""
it felt much more like talking to a machine
sessions were based on setting up goals and achieving them one by one, starting with easiest ones.
its quite hard to do it when you got a full time job and lack of will to do anything that numb yourself down and go to sleep after work.
sessions didnt go nowhere, there were supposed to be 6 but I stopped as I couldnt afford taking a day off work every two weeks just to talk with a robot for half an hour just to be told what to do to get better.
its also my fault as I didnt want to achieve some of the steps, and psychiatrist attitude didnt motivate me.
idleness sure as hell will not help, but this therapy was barely anything better than it

>>37646530
>Your parents can't hurt you anymore. Stop making a fuzz about them.

You mean, don't write about it in a thread? Who gives a fuck if I talk shit about my parents if I feel like it? Mate, your "adult" version of dealing with things sounds childish. As to my parents not being able to hurt me anymore, you obviously don't know them.

As to the rest, there's no point in arguing. You don't know what you're talking about.

>But I suppose crying and losing your shit is more satisfying because it's more dramatic.

Except I'm not crying and I haven't lost my shit. Not sure where you got this from, if not your deluded mind. Sorry I'm not much fun to try and bully, but your shit ain't tight at all.

>>37646257
i fully agree, but letting go is a real challenge for me. from my perspective, when you start getting fired up your reaction is something like "lets gooo, i dont give a fuck!". while for me, when i start feeling things it's more like "oh fuck, stop this!"

>>37646554
>yeah, 4 sessions of 30 minute talk with """psychiatrist"""
Wait isn't a psychiatrist someone that gives you medication? I thought psychologists are the ones you talk to.

>its quite hard to do it when you got a full time job and lack of will to do anything that numb yourself down and go to sleep after work.
I wanted to say that it seems that you lack motivation, but then I saw this line

>its also my fault as I didnt want to achieve some of the steps, and psychiatrist attitude didnt motivate me.
And it was pretty much confirmed.

You're not motivated? Why? Do you not believe that you can get better?

>>37646630
See the funny thing is, it used to be exactly the same for me. I was very repressed. For years I was repressing most of my emotions because that's what I learned to do while growing up.

I really don't know how I changed though. I used to be calm, collected, but mostly repressing everything.

Now I'm unstable and kinda all over the place. Don't know how this change came to be. I'd tell you if I knew.

Only thing I can ask is, why are you repressed? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of?

>>37646652
>Do you not believe that you can get better?
been in this limbo for 2 years (longer if we include NEET status) and its only been getting worse.
I have nothing to look forward to, but boy I sure am afraid of dying, I am afraid of many things and dying is one of top things right there, if it wasnt I would already off myself.

>>37646619
>You mean, don't write about it in a thread?
no, I mean not making a deal about it in your personal life

>As to my parents not being able to hurt me anymore, you obviously don't know them
they only hurt your feelings because you let them. They won't do anything else but harass you through the mail. Maybe the phone. I wonder why you still keep a mail they know about. Hmmm obviously not for the drama

>Except I'm not crying and I haven't lost my shit
Come on, mate. You regularly talk about how you cry every night and how you have panic attacks in front of your class

Build a future instead of focusing on the past you wimpy piece of shit

>>37646713
I'm not trying to be mean here, but you didn't really answer my question. As I said, not trying to be mean, it's a very important observation. You sidestepped it. Why? Maybe because you just don't have it in yourself to say
>No, I will never get better and my life will only suck

And maybe it's because you know or at least believe you could actually get better. Which is why saying that you can't feels unnatural. You know how sometimes you have to say something out loud only to hear how ridiculous it really sounds? This is similar.

Tell me. What would YOU want to accomplish so that you wouldn't consider yourself to be in limbo anymore?

Also kinda unrelated, I find it honestly very surprising that people are afraid of death. Be glad you have this fear. I somehow lost it for the most part. I've had knives pulled on me and I laughed in their face telling them to stab me. I've stepped in front of cars without giving a shit. And still, despite being suicidal I haven't killed myself. Be glad that you have fear of death, but don't think it's stopping you from killing yourself. If you haven't killed yourself it's because you don't want to die.

>>37646724
>no, I mean not making a deal about it in your personal life

Not a personal choice. I have symptoms that war vets get, for the same reasons, and worse. I had them for decades, but never imagined it had anything to do with my parents and how I was raised, until I connected the dots.

Whether you're tortured by enemy soldiers or your own parents, you won't get out of there unscathed, especially if it's your parents, because you believe they're doing it in your interest, a very warping effect.

>they only hurt your feelings because you let them.

I'm far beyond hurt feelings at this point. I gave up on the idea of having real parents as early as 12. I feel like an orphan, not like a child who wish he had had better parents.

>They won't do anything else but harass you through the mail. Maybe the phone. I wonder why you still keep a mail they know about. Hmmm obviously not for the drama

They're about to sue me, actually. I doubt it'll work, but it might be more trouble than I'd like. I keep an e-mail address they can write to simply because I dislike cutting people off completely. I don't mind answering questions, and it helped confirm my decision never to see them again. Burning bridges and never looking back wouldn't have given me as many answers as the current communication does. The fact that my mother was raped right next to me when I was a child isn't useless information, though my mother never imagined this could have an effect on a baby. Probably as you do, but it isn't my job to educate either of you.

>You regularly talk about how you cry every night and how you have panic attacks in front of your class

You're not paying attention. Bad troll. I used to cry every day, and I did from mid March to early June. I never had panic attacks in front of my class, but I almost cried once, and I had nausea while teaching.

>>37646816
>If you haven't killed yourself it's because you don't want to die.
Probably wasn't too clear. If you don't want to die, it's not just because you're afraid of death. It's because you want to live your life. There is a big difference between being alive and living.

You want to live. You don't want to just be alive. So it's not your fear of death that is stopping you from killing yourself. It's your will to live.

>>37646724

>Build a future instead of focusing on the past you wimpy piece of shit

Symptoms I battle aren't "the past", they're completely brain-based and it takes time and effort to improve, which is what I'm doing. 2:30 of therapy every week and a whole host of steps in every direction: socialising, working out, plans for the future, etc. I even mention them in the thread. Again, bad troll, you don't study your target enough to be convincing.

As to wimpy, there's a difference between sharing life events and whining. I'm not surprised you don't know the difference.

Focus on my problems, anon, it helps you not think about yours.

>>37646708
been afraid of just about everything, as seems to be the case for just about everyone here.

im not really sure why it's like this, and i change my mind on what i think might be the reason a lot. right now i think it might have been emotions that i was actually scared of, but i thought i was afraid of the stuff that cause the emotions.
there was also some people in my family prone to tantrums. and i looked down on that a whole lot. it was just so unnecessary to me. i didnt see why they didnt just suck it up so everyone could have a good time instead.

do you know what caused your fears?

>>37643967
What, do I have an admirer here?

Also hello everyone once again, I've been out for quite a while, hope I didnt miss anything

>>37646834
>They're about to sue me
They won't sue you, you idiot. They are just baiting you. What would they sue you about anyways?
>but I almost cried once, and I had nausea while teaching
those are symptoms of a panic attack

>I used to cry every day
You said that you cried none earlier than about 5 or 6 threads ago. Good thing if it's actually true you haven't cried recently. At least you're coming to your senses
>Symptoms I battle aren't "the past"
Bohoo, grow a fucking spine

As for therapy. Ask yourself for how long you've been assisting therapy

>>37646872
>there was also some people in my family prone to tantrums
Seems like the likely cause. Point is, you have to learn to regulate your emotions. Like water. Building a wall to hold off water is damn stupid. But building a dam that you can control and let through whatever you want whenever you want? That's some real damn ingenuity.

>do you know what caused your fears?
Well I don't really like to open up this can of worms, because it has been opened many times in these threads. But for me it was bullying. I had to watch VERY carefully what I said and what I put out there. A very simple display of emotion could (and often did) cause some quite intense physical violence. So I learned to repress everything and really put out just what I want. Actually the way people sometimes describe me is "Always looks like he doesn't care about anything at all". Of course this is only in front of people. And of course these emotions still get out. For me for example every year or so I get shitfaced alone. I mean absurdly drunk and sometimes then I cry. That's the only time I do that. Faggy, I know. Point is, it gets out. All this anger, disappointment, all of that shit.

I don't know the solution though. Other than thinking of your emotions like water. You just can't stop them. But you can control them. Don't be afraid of them. They're a part of you. No matter how cliche it sounds.

>have schoolwork after work to do
>don't want to go straight to schoolwork after 8 hours of wageslavery
>take a break and chill
>inevitably start drinking during downtime
>get too drunk to do work
>do nothing all night
>wake up next day hung over and regretful
>go to work
>cycle eternally continues

>>37646933
>They won't sue you, you idiot. They are just baiting you. What would they sue you about anyways?

Now you're going to tell me people can't sue for ridiculous reasons and win, right? In my job, if I ever get any kind of convinction, I can't work anymore. While I think it's bluff on their part, I don't exclude the possibility of being sued. The reason is bullshit, but I have no reason to give you more ammo, since your only interest here is to get information to throw back at me.

>those are symptoms of a panic attack

They can be, but having had both, I know it wasn't. There was no panic or even anxiety. There was only nausea or intense sadness. Both come from my general C-PTSD state, which worsens a lot depending on my condition at any given time, but it clearly wasn't a panic attack. I was virtually spared those this time. I've made huge progress.

>Good thing if it's actually true you haven't cried recently. At least you're coming to your senses

If you think this has anything to do with reasoning and logic, you're far off the mark. That's like saying someone walking funny because he's drunk has come to his senses once he sobered up. It's the brain, man, it's not as mysterious as you seem to think. We know how this stuff works. Study that shit.

>Bohoo, grow a fucking spine

I have a great spine. I went to work every day I was supposed to for the past 6 months and more, didn't miss a single day despite my state. Not sure what more you'd want.

>As for therapy. Ask yourself for how long you've been assisting therapy

6 months. While I'm not always sure it's efficient, I enjoy it, so I keep going. These things take time, so I give it time. It was very useful in the beginning and allowed me to see what I didn't see before; combined with my reading, it's been the most useful choice of my life.

If I ever get children, I will have saved them from potential horrors, as I have with my nephew.

>>37647051
Whatever helps you cry at night. I mean, sleep at night, sunshine

>>37647096

I accept your defeat.

>>37646892
i appreciate reading about several people in these threads, and i think you need to be made aware of it.

>>37647010
i wont push more into that then. but i recognize the doesnt care about anything part. i used to idolize that kinda of mindset and work hard to achieve it. ofcourse it's sorta doable to shut down happiness and the likes, with anxiety the best i managed was to put on a mask. im currently working on actually being aware of emotion and feeling it, which is tricky enough.

i dont think crying is faggy anymore. cried for 3 days when i broke up with my ex. untill we said we'd still see eachother as friends (we've barely talked since). i kinda wish we didnt decide to be friends so i could've kept crying for longer. i was a magical time when i could shed tears of joy from reading a good book!

>>37647206
>i wont push more into that then
Just don't wanna repeat myself is all. The details don't matter much here anyways.

>i dont think crying is faggy anymore. cried for 3 days when i broke up with my ex.
Yeah it's just I don't ever remember crying while sober since I was a little kid. For me it's way out of fucking ordinary. And the fact that I have to be drunk to be able to cry is fucked too.

Fuck I wish I could give you some advice. I just can't.

>>37647180
>I accept your defeat.
Kek, pathetic. you have to claim "victories" on the internet. You must be very accomplished in your real life

see >>37646162

>>37647295

It's OK. If you had anything worthwile to say you would have said already. Just end your suffering and fuck off.

>>37647270
>I don't ever remember crying while sober since I was a little kid.
im the same, though i dont get drunk enough to cry. before we broke up this winter i dont remember the last time i cried. even been through several deaths in my family, some of those who died i even cared about. but i couldnt even give one tear at the funerals or even when i was alone after.
i felt really messed up about it.

>>37647270
>Fuck I wish I could give you some advice. I just can't.
also dont worry about it, just talking about it an getting a new angle is plenty advice

>>37647340
I said it already. You're just too dimwitted to see it. Do you want me to send you some Kleenex for your tears? Just give me an address and I'll oblige you. Or I can call your parents for you and tell them to send you some instead ;)

My name is Jason, and I feel like I'm being contacted by me from another Universe. Everyday for almost 15 years I have dreams of me but the world I'm in is different. It's like regular life and the major points are close to mine(same job and family) but for almost a year its started to take a darker turn. I can't tell if it's just trying to get a message through, a warning, or even a threat. But it's starting to get to me and I don't know how much more I can take.

Heya everyone. Came back from work.

Nick, I've read your posts, so even if the contrast is insane, I just want to say that I'm there.

>>37647514
Dreaming about yourself, as far as i know, is all but uncommon, expecially if you are dreaming about a combination of elements about you and others elements. Are you having lucid dreaming? And why can't you take anymore of this, is preventing you from sleeping?

On a side note, I can safely say that I experienced anxiety for the first time in my life today.

As a seller on the beach that crossed a lot of people, not selling shit and having your boss' word in the back of your head gotta get more, yesterday was shit made me feel it.

Boy, I'm thankful I don't have a constant anxiety. And my condition allows me some things others wouldn't do, heh

>>37647653

Thanks, appreciated. Still writing my response.

I have the shittest origin story. Fuck. Don't even know how much of it I can trust.

>>37647721
As much as you said you had a mail to be reached, you can do the same with me. I'm obviously not going to be able to provide the same ammount of help, but I surely can provide an ear to listen.

>>37647681
It feels like there's a hidden meaning to it and I dread going to sleep. The dreams aren't that lucid but I remember most of the details, and I'm starting to relive things I put away.

>>37647721
>I have the shittest origin story
Do you fancy yourself a hero or a villain?

>>37647206
>i dont think crying is faggy anymore

Damn all I need is to get drunk and listen to sad music to cry, tho I dont cry full on but atleast a bit
But not really when Im sober

>>37647779

Neither. Villains try to do things that will hurt some people; I never try that. Heroes are for movies.

>>37647875
interesting! would you say you're an emotional person when you're sober? even though you dont cry

>>37647965
d-do you mean An Hero is not a hero?

>>37648085

He's an fucking hero, it's different. But yeah, he's a real hero. He sacrificed himself in an attempt to save someone's life. That's a hero.

>>37647973
I think I am, I just don't express those emotions easily.
getting drunk makes it much easier, but I guess thats a common effect.

helped me in meeting a few good people, including the girl Im talking to these days which is nice

My girlfriend is a narc. She's starting to have delusions of grandeur again and it's impossible to have a normal conversation with her. She acts like I'm insignificant, which has never happened in our relationship before.

>>37648136
so heroes are n-not only for movies?

>>37648136
Thanks Nick. I really appreciate that. I'm usually here but just lurking, still running quest from work.

>>37648183

That's it. Domo kun.

>>37648137
i've never been drunk enough to feel comfortable expressing my emotions.

im glad you're still talking to her. especially since i was pressuring you into it :^)

>>37648270
Drinking became pretty regular for me, just as smoking it makes things more survivable

Don't know if you've read it but I met her again on friday and we talked a bit more in person, shes nice, didnt even want us to pay for our drinks in the pub she works at.
I left her the money on bar anyway to not be a dick when she wasnt there before we left

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>>37648270
>>37648462

This pic pretty much says it all
Even carved that shit into my lighter once when I was fucked up

>>37648462
ah, i must've missed that. good on you to leave money anyway!

now im off to sleep

>>37648508
are you the fat fuck that Facet bullies? i can't recall precisely

>>37648516
Good night, Ill leave soon too.
I'll start working tomorrow so I gotta get some sleep

>>37648543
Cute bait.
must be hard to look up the post in thread

>>37648599
>must be hard to look up the post in thread
what do you mean? are you the fatso or aren't you?

>>37648258
Give me rational reasons to care about anything that doesn't affect me.

I need help, Nick:
10 years ago I was walking on the street when a man approached me and yelled to me that god would strike me down this very day (in two minutes actually) for being gay. I haven't stopped thinking about it since that day and I'm losing my shit. If I don't respond after this I have been killed by God. Hope my family knows I didn't choose to be gay and that I tried to make the best out of life

>>37648977
>Give me rational reasons to care about anything that doesn't affect me.

Everything affects you.

>>37648996

You'll be fine. Never again waste mental energy on such fears. Crazy people exist.

>>37649022
>Everything affects you.

That is a completely false diversion in order to avoid answering.

>>37649051

I believe everything affects you, actually. Everything you choose to do affects you, if you care about a thing, it affects you.

How is that not a reason?

>>37648996
If God shows his favour and his contempt in an even-handed manner, why is he ranting at pigeons for living in sin among the magpies while Milo Yiannapoulos is richer than you or I could possibly hope to be, almost solely through his commodification of his faggotry.

>>37642475
While I would not call my feelings a phobia I used to be very selfconscious about other people judging me, just people looking at me and asking what was doing, (esp. when I was doing what I was not supposed to) made me feel judged and ashamed. It got so bad I said things like, fuck you all. I am going off to be a hermit, so one sees me and can judge me even though I had no way of doing that.

After some psychogical ringmarole, (which In will go into only if someone wants me to). I realize that what i needed was the abillity to experience shame and judgement in a safe context when it actually does not harm myself and my self worth, like going to a horror movie is safe experience of fear. I know you will laugh at me, but for me that safe outlet for felling embrassed and humiliated was spanking porn.

Self inserting into the sub, being exposed scolded like a child and hurt let me know that whatever I was ashamed of, it wasnt as bad as this, and I could be happy the shame is not happening to me, just like, again, when, you_re watching a horror movie.

Also, try to forgive anyone who judges you especially, if they have not hurt you significatly by that. Forgiveness heals anon.

Also, also listen to this_https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bglqxF9vOrc, If you_re in the mood for new age motivation.
Cheers, anon.

>>37649087
You've reduced it to circular logic in your favor.
>if you care about a thing.

Why bother caring about anything you can not completely control?

>>37649091
>If God shows his favour and his contempt in an even-handed manner
maybe he doesn't
Welp, he hasn't answered yet. I guess god got rid of him.
Good riddance
god: 1
fags: 0

>>37649124

Is there anything you can completely control? I suppose not, ramifications included.

Do you actually choose what you care for or does it happen naturally?

I've been active in the super-conscious for almost 4 years now. So much sex, rape, torture, it's kind of like a psychological horror film at points, I fell in love here, I've committed acts that would make my stomach turn if I were to even witness it in the physical realm. The pills are fucking brutal, I'm not saying living in a world so disgusting where you can't even tell if something is a fact of life or hallucination isn't brutal, but the pills will legit give me TD and/or TA. How do I deal with this?

>>37649246
Depends, weak people do not control their sentiments, their actions are dictated by them, mentally strong people control how they feel about things, they do not let their emotional experience of things dictate their actions.

>>37649703

You have a retarded view of those things, pal. Your opinion makes a dumb cat superior to a human being with great intelligence.

>weak people
>mentally strong

Your ignorance is showing. And you never answered my question.

Anyway, I finished writing my response, I'm going to bed.

Enjoy your illusions. I just hope for your sake that you never end up being the "weak" you shit on so casually.

>>37649782
>You have a retarded view of those things, pal
Nice therapy skills, Nick

>>37649852

Therapy's over. Besides, I'd say the same in therapy. No tolerance for anti-intellectual, creationist bullshit.

>>37649782
>>37649868
>anti-intellectual
Literally you
>muh feefee's trump logic.

>creationist
It's called hierarchy.

You sound like a frustrated fool desperately lashing out over your impotence.
A cat does nothing but react immediately to its impulses. Greater intelligence means greater rational capacities which means less impulsiveness and being less vested in the emotional experience of things in favor of rationale dissection.
Have pleasant dreams you enfeebled sniveling maggot.

>>37649868
Go to sleep, Nick. You're drooling all over the keyboard

>>37649926
>A cat does nothing but react immediately to its impulses.

You must not have seen many cats in your life.

Refusing knowledge we have about the brain is anti-intellectual, say whatever you want.

>Have pleasant dreams you enfeebled sniveling maggot.

Sorry I touched a nerve this hard. Hope that ego of yours still passes the door of your bedroom.

I'm sure your insults were a carefully planned reaction and not impulsiveness.

>>37649932

Ask yourself why you hang out in this thread. But don't answer. You won't like it.

>>37650020
I don't "hang" im a passerby passing time while doing other stuff

As for why I decided to post in this thread: It's the most retarded one I found

>>37650062
>I don't "hang" im a passerby passing time while doing other stuff

Lol, sure.


>>37650062
>As for why I decided to post in this thread: It's the most retarded one I found

Why don't you open your own? It'd instantly top this one.

>>37650014
>>37649932
>>37650020
He's right Nick, you are not in good form, even for you, even your condescension and arrogance is more poorly hidden than usual, you being a cat owner fits.

>Sorry I touched a nerve this hard.
I'm not your mom Nicky, cease your misplaced projections, at least you are apologetic in advance. I'll just quote it out of context and claim you apologized, you seem familiar enough with that convenient concept.
>Sorry
That's oke Nicky, go to bed.

>>37650108

That cringe...

>>37650103
>Lol, sure.
Very intelligent counterargument
>Why don't you open your own?
because I'm as qualified as you to run one: not at all. What makes it retarded is not that you're not qualified but that you think you are. You're just dropping pop-psy all around and it's just funny
>It'd instantly top this one
>thinking the amount of people responding say anything about the quality of the thread
I guess get threads are top notch
Just go to bed already old man

Forlorn bump.

>>37650625
Forlorn indeed. It's just Nick-bullying cancer here now.

I have virtually no self confidence. I'm just constantly doubting everything I do or say. This goes hand in hand in with my general trust issues since I don't place much trust in anyone to do anything right, including myself.

I keep everyone at arms length because I don't think I could trust them and I fear letting them down or disappointing them. The few people that are still somehow close to me barely know what's under the well functioning human being facade I've maintained over the years. I can't reach out to those around me for help on my issues since I don't want to worry them or be seen as a disappointment or a failure in their eyes.

I tried to bring myself to admit to another person irl that I need help by seeing therapists at my college, but I couldn't manage to pick up the phone and make the appointment. I've always had pride that I could fix my own problems without help, but I'm just lost. Now the school quarter is over and it's too late for that.

I don't even know what I'm doing here in the thread. Maybe I'm just looking for hope that I can change.

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>>37651225
>pour heart out in a post
>get completely ignored

every time I see shit like this I kek. sorry about your fucked up situation, man. if I had the intelligence, I'd try to help

>>37651225
That sounds very difficult, Charlie. I'm aware that your post was some time ago now, but nevertheless I hope you're still lurking because I would like to help if I can. One method you might consider using in order to trust yourself is to plan well in advance. Second guessing yourself too much eats up a lot of time and energy, and is likely counterproductive. However, setting aside some time to really chew through things and try and put it all straight in your mind can be useful. You might go for a walk, shower or meditate in order to accomplish this. Time only for yourself, without distractions.

Being isolated can be tough,, but it's a feeling that many posters here can relate to. I don't know your support network so I couldn't say that if you were open and honest with them they will surprise you. Some might, but you're in a better position to make that judgement. Regardless, the people here will take you at face value so you don't have to worry about disappointing any of us. You're coming in as you are today. If you decide to stay then that's the person whom we will come to know. I hope that that offers you some solace.

Seeing a counsellor would be a good first step. A better option, if you're able, would be to make an appointment with your doctor. If you're up to it, they can refer you on appropriately. If not, another route you might consider is trying a helpline. Dealing with a stranger and telling them about your problems over the phone would be a good step toward speaking to someone face to face.

Of course you can change, if you want to. You'll also have a wealth of support in these threads in order to accomplish it. There's always hope and now you have us to back you up as well.

You can do it. I believe it you.

>>37651509
I'm used to it. Just writing it out is sort of therapeutic in a way.

>>37652165
sorry i wasnt paying attention. what did you say?

>>37652162
Thanks for the response, Facet.
>Second guessing yourself too much eats up a lot of time and energy
It definitely does, and I'm sure it's closed more than a few doors over the years.
As far as really spending some time without distractions, I don't know how well that would work. My coping strategy pretty much consists of distracting myself with work or something else and pushing shit out of my mind. I'm afraid of what poking at the reservoir of repression will do to me.

I'm sure the people around me, family, a good friend, and maybe even a few work friends would be supportive and try to be understanding if I opened up. However, nothing is ever guaranteed and I don't want to risk fracturing the only relationships I have left. I especially don't want to expose myself and drag them down with me. As far as they know I'm a perfectly normal human being without any significant problems. They deserve to be happy, not worrying about me.

I've got a doctor appointment coming up in a couple months to renew a prescription for a low dose of anti-anxiety meds. I haven't been seeing her for long and when I renewed it last time I said I was slightly depressed but got real defensive and walked back my comment once she mentioned mild depression or something more serious sounding. I'm still on my parents insurance and live with them while I attend college, so I didn't want them to worry. Having to get the anti-anxiety meds is bad enough because I was having panic attacks and had to get them.

The helpline sounds nice, but I would be too worried about being overheard while on the phone. I think my best bet is to power through until I get a livable job and become fully independent before seeing a professional.

To be clear, I am managing. I'm not suicidal or anything. It just gets so tiring and it's not getting better.

I can't be the only one who feels kind of bad posting walls of text.
>>37652355
Thanks for the chuckle

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>>37652903
Well nevertheless keep us up to date on your progress and feel free to unload. However, you might have more luck when the thread is more active. Most people have gone to bed, as must I now. Good luck with it all and talk to you soon.

>>37653016
>tfw I'm a night owl
Alright thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure to post any relevant updates.

>>37653110
Yeah m8 so am I but it's coming up on 3am here

>>37653147
wew, It's not even dark yet in burgerland. Anyways, take care.

>>37640621
hey nick, and everyone, how are you doing?

>>37652903
>I can't be the only one who feels kind of bad posting walls of text.


I hate blogging. But fellows here put up with it nicely when they see its good for you. I am really grateful about these threads existing.