Psychological Issues #??????

sup Recluse

i went for a long walk in the semi-rain today. was really pleasant and my legs feels a bit worn

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>>37627467
>tfw your waifu isn't real

This can not stand.

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How does it feel to know, every time you leave the room someone turns to your mother and asks:
>How do you cope?

>>37627681
I'm good. It's weekend, so I'm drinking as per usual. It is good to hear you went for a walk.

>>37627467
>narcissist
>fedora
>social retard but feel like im not so it makes it even worse than if i were aware of it
>closet cuck and fag
>highly depressed if not top of the class at college (which is almost always)

Ive been also seeing shadow people lately. Might be caffeine abuse tho

>>37628334
Really want to be drunk. Gf is here. We've had a nice night but I really want to get absurded. I can always blame it on the others.

>>37628477
that sounds interesting, tell us more
>>37628623
depending on what country you're in, can't you just convince your gf to get some booze?

>>37628882
She doesn't like it when I drink. All the split personalties, you know.

>>37628966
How is does that even are work?

>>37627467
hey guys, how are you doing?

>>37628623
Hey Facet, Britain's elections went as well as possible for you, right?

>>37629232
In summary, when I drink it makes my behaviour more fractious - including pretty extreme behaviour. It also increases the chances of a personality shift. She doesn't get on with all of them and imo doesn't actually like any of them. Though the owes the Angel and he remains bitter.

>>37629291
Hey Moe, it went pretty well. I suppose I would have liked Labour to win. How are you?

>>37629322
>How are you?

Fine. Worried. Maybe getting back with the girl who dumped me and got me to find these threads. We texted a bit during work hours, kissed for a second when leaving, and left it at that.
She is pretty ill right now so I don't think we'll be seeing each other today or tomorrow. Probably monday.
Not sure how not to fuck it up again.

>>37629411
Why would you want to get back together with a girl who dumped you?

>>37629411
Well when it comes to such things I am not totally sure.

>>37629498
>Why would you want to get back together with a girl who dumped you?
Because I like her and she is really blablabla, but probably because she is the only girl who I've been with in 11 years or so. Besides a couple of hookers. And I loved the feeling of normiecy I had for a while.

>>37628882
>that sounds interesting, tell us more
Olay since the thread is themed this way I might not be called a fag this time
Blogpost incoming

>be in poor post-war family in rural area
>allegedly an intelligent child with interest in computers and mathematics at an early age
>grades are perfect
>social life nonexistent, autism intensifies with every new day
>get rage attacks at age of 10, cry for mundane things
>smoke weed with first neighbour (and only friend) at 14

>go to high school in new city
>extreme existential crisis, literally crying just thinking about the absurdity of existence
>read nietzsche, get a little better
>meet druggie friends, start abusing speed and harder stuff
>almost fail at school, get kicked out of the house
>manage to get into CS class in college somehow
>get back home, hate everyone
>start loving math again, spend most of the time studying, grades skyrocket
>stopped doing drugs completely, now abusing caffeine pills for studying

>exams closing in
>caffeine habit gets to a 1000mg per day
>cant sleep at night
>paranoia
>cant get out of bed without caffeine even though i know it harms me
>cant turn off the light for the fear of shadow people

This is hell

>>37629935
>>cant get out of bed without caffeine even though i know it harms me

How long do caffeine pills take to be felt?

I feel extremely insecure and unhappy. I can pretend to be confident but it's all a sham that people can see through when they look me in the eye. I don't know how to fix myself.

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>>37627467
Terrible memory
Depression
Anxiety
Agoraphobic
Afraid of failure

>>37629992
Half an hour for me. 15 minutes when taken on empty stomach.

>>37630030
>that people can see through
I don't think they care. Mainly because they see the same in everyone else.

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>>37630056
>Terrible memory

I know that feel, anon-sama. Being a brainlet is my biggest hindrance.

>>37630104
>Terrible memory

Is that for real (goes for both of you anons)?

I'm asking because I've always wished to have better memory despite not feeling a brainlet.

>>37630071
You just told me that everyone else has my problem, which effectively means i don't really have a problem. How can you be so ignorant and self assured at the same time, you dumb fucking piece of shit normie scum.

>>37627467
>tfw had a long late night ramble that I tried to post right when the previous thread died.
I cannot take credit for anything I've done. I've been a good student and generally perform well at the things I do, but I cannot internalize the accomplishment. My entire life I've just been going with the flow doing what was put before me and everything feels like a product of luck rather than personal effort. I actually somewhat dislike being told I did good on something. I think this could be imposters syndrome, but I think I may also be a perfectionist.

I'm also stressed, probably depressed, and have high anxiety. I used to have panic attacks before I started taking a relatively low dose anti-anxiety med.

Here's some other issues, but in the interest of avoiding a max character wall of text I'll just expand on these if asked to.
>repressing emotions to a debatable degree of effectiveness
>no self confidence
>trust issues
>intimacy issues
>some paranoia
>inability to lower my guard around people
>afraid of being seen as a disappointment or failure
>very little motivation

I realize there are people out there in a worse spot than I am, but I would still like to fix this shit. Wat do?
I hope I'm not misinterpreting the purpose of this thread

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>>37630161
>Is that for real

Yes.

>>37630292 (not him)
Don't be upset, people always have different opinions.

Mostly people do see through other people, in a way that they can sense when someone has low confidence or stuff like that. You would probably make a good scientist though, social isolation and low self-esteem is a huge plus for science.

Find what you love and start studying.

>>37630292
You like hating yourself so much that you think there is any kind of logic to what you said.


>>37630351
>'ve been a good student and generally perform well at the things I do, but I cannot internalize the accomplishment.

It happens. I like how it keeps life sort of interesting to me, always wanting to learn to do more. Whenever I get depressed is because I'm bored, because I'm not studying / doing something to improve myself.

>>37630357
I like programming and that's one of the things i like doing when i'm alone, but i don't want to be isolated for the rest of my life. I can't get friends or start a career if i'm like this all the time. It feels like i can't settle into a personality and i'm just constantly insecure and unhappy all the time. My heart starts beating faster when i walk into a room full of people and my face starts to feel like it's melting.

>>37630445
I hate naive, narcissistic fucks like you who insist on posting on boards they absolutely do not belong in.

>>37630445
I don't know man, it all just feels empty to me. My somewhat recent lack of motivation has caused me to under perform and even fuck up and turn a few things in late, which I never used to do. I've never really had much of a drive to study either.

I think I got all fucked up in this regard when I was getting shitty grades in my early schooling. I tried my hardest to study and be the best I could be every night, but none of it was working. One day I just said fuck it and stopped caring, more or less letting the pieces fall where they may. Ever since I stopped giving a fuck and performed the bare minimum of the work put in front of me I've gotten great grades.

Now that I think about it, at the base of everything I might be afraid if I actually show interest in and visibly care about something I'll fuck it up just like I did all those years ago.

Sorry if I'm rambling.

>>37630702
>Sorry if I'm rambling.
Its the idea of the thread, don't worry. Its just that some of the regulars are better at giving contention than I am.

What are you studying?

>>37630770
Information Systems. Basically computer networking and security with some knowledge of web development. Some of the reading material is dry as fuck but it's the field I think I'll do the best in. I like the troubleshooting puzzle aspect of it.

Have a headache. Had sex for 45 mins. Would rather have just been left alone to watch animes desu. At least I slid a finger up her shitter.

>>37630879
Best of luck. In my experience though, lifeplans change a lot regarding fields.

>>37630912
Noice. You still drinking?

>>37631016
Nah. I'm hoping to be able to drink another day. I basically made a binary choice between sex/ good relationship and drinking/ insanity/ downward relationship spiral.

>>37631065
Sounds clever. I'm gonna try to get going for an early bedtime. See you guys later

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>>37630912
W-what does sex feel like?

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I don't know what to complain about anymore.
I don't feel like doing anything, not even eating.

Hope death is around the corner

>>37631117
Buenos noches, mi amor
>>37631145
In the front it's somewhat like taking a ring of steak and thrusting into a hot, wet balloon. In the back it's more like a dry, warm tube bandage.

When I next have a night to myself I'm going to do a reading of Lolita on Vocaroo if anyone's interested. I just gave it a trial run and I was pretty pleased with the results.

Calm your tits, I'm here.

>>37631484
>a reading of Lolita on Vocaroo if anyone's interested.

I'll keep my libido for the next 3 months, if you don't mind.

That's too many layers of creepy for me.

>>37631808
I can pretty much promise you that I'll be playing it to the hilt and it will likely be very creepy if you're squicked by the subject matter. I actually kind of creeped myself just now.

>>37631846

Your way of speaking unsettles me. As you know. Every second of it is like the calm before the storm. Calm tension, ready to explode.

It's like you're always tense somehow.

>TFW diagnosed with conduct disorder when 13
>TFW certainly ASPD now

Mixed feelings about it, serious character flaws get the better of me sometimes like my impulsive nature and need for excitement and the boredom that comes when not doing things (ie thrill-seeking criminality and severe irresponsibility, bouts of alcoholism and substance abuse, though I do get aggressive, I wouldn't consider myself abusive because people who piss me off generally deserve what they get) but I sometimes wonder about love, but am still glad I'm not weighted down by all the contagious negative feels.

It's odd to have to be so closeted about this because it has to be one of the most demonized PD's because people are hell bent on believing we are evil, despite being the result of many genetic and environmental factors creating actual brain differences, with some people likening ASs' to being non-human for lacking empathy.

(The irony is not lost on me about my half-complaining about people not being able to empathize with psychos, but brain chemistry controls all humans and people just demonize us because we're 'the enemy')

>>37631965

Surely you understand why people wouldn't like someone who commits crime to break monotony, right?

The other day, a guy who described himself much like you do admitted to having raped two women, for kicks, and he got upset when I asked him if he thought about their side of things.

Give us examples of antisocial things you do, be precise.

>>37631925
I'm sure I could push it that bit further, given the subject matter. Imagine the same voice but lower key, and quivering with misplaced lust.

>>37632124

No thanks. I need to sleep at night.

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>>37632180
Well, I'll leave you with that thought until I get the chance to make it a reality. Sleep well.

>>37632008
Nowadays it's mostly property crimes for the thrills (B&Es, burglary, criminal mischief and the like), but I've been involved with a fair few more harmful crimes just out of selfishness or anger like taking advantage of girls a few times, but those were just like 90% of questionable rape cases because they just end up questioning themselves and their own actions and regretting it when they wake up hungover.

When I was 18 or 19 there were quite a few fights or occasionally jumping some people (frequently with blunt weapons) who had somehow wronged me or my inner circle.
I've since chilled out on the violence but I still frequent gore/rekt threads quite commonly though I'm not compelled to directly harm people for no real purpose

I can see why people demonize us, but we still are heavily trapped by our own biology. I know some are definitely worse then others (like full on raping girls and enacting random violence) but they are the truly rotten apples (in the group of bad apples), but we are on some level different in fundamental ways that make us who we are and heavily influence our actions. I feel like these issues should be treated similarly to schizos and the like, but we can rarely be treated so even true rehabilitation systems may not even work for the worst.

I've kind of understated the severity of what I've done (as neurotypicals would think some of them really fucking scummy) but I am under the philosophy that free will is mostly an illusion as I keep falling back into the same habits even after multiple wake-up calls.