Psychological Issues #73

I can't poop without fingering my ass. I'm a guy.

>>37600434

That's a medical problem. See a doctor.

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I can't trust people at all
An alternative thought line of mine constantly analyzes people's thoughts and actions in a negative manner, as if they were all out to get me or use me or manipulate me
I haven't trusted anyone in years and each time I came close to it was quickly shattered by reality

It doesn't help I barely have any friends as things are
I just want to breathe

>>37600434
I cant poop without hemorrihaging everywhere id rather finger myself

>>37600496

Trusting people is the only way to know if you can trust them. You're better off betrayed once out of 100 people than never to trust anyone.

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>>37600533

It's not a conscious decision I can choose to take or accept a risk
I'm very well aware of said risk, my mind just won't give in

Sudden need to lie down.

>>37600520
Everyone on this thread needs to go to the doctor dear god

I haven't slept in 27 hours. Help me sleep.

I'm addicted to Nier/Nier Automata OST, while playing at MH3U again for the sheer nostalgia.

Best videogame OST paired with best Monster hunter title.

Send help

I haven't gone out of my house in 35 days.

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I fucked up yesterday. I got too attached. She was perfect. I curved so many people for someone who doesn't even love me. I bet she said I love you out of pity. Now I feel like we're growing more and more distant. She took sides with some random guy blaming me for him being depressed cause I called his scars kitty scratches and is avoiding me. (Everyone else is on my side and thinks he does it for attention) Can things go back to the way they were? What should I do?

Btw if anyone I know sees this: fuck off

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These might not be problems per se, just things I've been thinking about.

I recently finished watching Rectify and towards the end they had a conversation that somewhat touched up on something I've been thinking about lately. It was how Daniel hanged on to feeling ashamed to already feel so bad about himself that even when other people hurt him, he couldn't feel worse than he already did. That he made it a part of his identity.

I think I do something similar by perceiving myself as some sort of inferior being that doesn't deserve anything. Definition of deserve used loosely. I've in a way accepted that about myself. It's also part of why I isolate myself and have given up on things.There's no sense of failure, because I consider myself unable to do anything or accomplish anything, which is partly true. Also, I think I hope that by looking down on myself, I wont show any ego either, which can be an annoying trait. If I reduce myself, I hope to become more invisible and anonymous. In some ways, I think I like the identity I've created for myself,even though it in some ways is destructive

Since I'm more or less on autismbucks, I also wonder whether I should strive for more. I kinda feel like, well, I'm sick (also have physical health issues), so why not just accept my life the way it is and disappear into isolation

At this point I'm confused about what I really want and what I've fooled myself into thinking I want. If I have.
I don't feel depressed usually, sometimes a bit bummed out, and a part of me thinks I "deserve" to die, but I'm not anywhere near suicidal for real. Am I ok by being where I am, should I strive to be more, is it even ok to use other people's time for my personal gain?

There's a type of push and pull in me between these points. At the same time, I know when it all comes down to it, people are usually motivated and driven by more simple feelings, and all these thoughts are just obfuscating the real issue.

>>37600838
Go out for a walk at least

>>37600465
> that's a medical problem

I don't believe it is-let me expand on why:

I can poop just fine "on my own," but I (ironically) feel super dirty if I don't clean it out from the inside, so to speak. Like, I can wash the shit off my hands (I only do it when I'm showering or about to shower) but if I don't get it all out then, I feel fucking disgusting

It's also completely non-sexual

I also haven't wiped my ass in years, it's just not thorough enough for me

on my way to being 23yo
KHHV
feel like its too late now, even 1 year ago would've been fine but the neurosis has built up to such a level now if it did happen right NOW (it never will but if it did) ... i dont know if i'd even be happy about it, can't explain but i just have too much bothering me to really enjoy it or be happy. i think it's too late for me now. just have to move on and accept it.

>>37600854
>I bet she said I love you out of pity.

Very unlikely.

>cause I called his scars kitty scratches and is avoiding me

Why did you do that?

>>37601408
>inferior being that doesn't deserve anything.

Most likely due to lack of validation as a child. The job wasn't done, now you're lacking something.

Yes, you should strive to get better and more.

>>37601503

Not sure if serious.

Buy a bidet? Use water to do the same job?

>>37601564

You worry about the age at which you lose your virginity when you're young, but that becomes meaningless later on. You will only care to find someone you truly love and who truly loves you.

>>37601628
1. I said ily and she said ok. I asked why she didn't say it back and she asked if she normally does. I said yes and she said "doesn't everyone"

2. Everyone is tired of him feigning depression for attention. He said he was going to kill himself for the 4th time now. He posted it (scars) to his story and I had enough

>>37601713
>I said ily and she said ok

Then she didn't say it. If you say you love her and her response is "OK", run. There's nothing left to live for there.

>she didn't say it back and she asked if she normally does

Not sure that makes sense. She asked you if she normally says it? Wut?

>>37600533
>You're better off betrayed once out of 100 people than never to trust anyone.
What if it's not 1 out 100, but it's much more? And it is.

Also hello everyone.

>>37601807
>What if it's not 1 out 100, but it's much more? And it is.

You feel betrayed for things that aren't betrayal. Betrayal is rare, not the rule.

>>37601772
Can't run been #1 bf on snapchat for like four months. I would tho

Yeah she asked that lmao. Has said it back probably 50% or higher of the time

>>37601656
Yeah, I was treated very poorly by my dad. I still dislike him today, even though he's not malicious per se. He's just very socially retarded, a bit stupid in general. He has changed since I was a child, though, which is mostly because of my patient and tolerant mother who has been reasoning with him and educated him in the ways of people over the years. I still dislike him though. I have slight daddy issues where I want approval from older men, but I try not to seek it because I find it pathetic.

My dad also killed our cat I loved as a child, and sometimes I wonder that's the reason why I have such a hard time getting attached to people. My mother took my sister and I for a visit at my grandmother's. When we returned at my dad's work place, he said "the cat is gone now". I remember being a bit confused, surprised, but I didn't believe it. When we arrived at home, I ran to the left of the house and called for him. No cat. I ran to the other side. No cat. I remember collapsing on the floor and crying my eyes out. But my attachment issues might just be autism, tho.

I think I fear that if I strive for something I will end up being disappointed again. I often find people insufficient and lacking. Which isn't just about what other people are, but also about me being overly sensitive. I guess what I wish the world and people to be is quite far from what actually is, and it tends to make me feel alienated. I tend to feel that people can't see me for who I am, but at the same time I hide myself because I don't expect people to. Some of the problem is the social coping mechanisms I've made for myself to handle social situations. Since I have autism, some aspects of being social doesn't come naturally to me. So I've made like a persona I use for social situations, that helps me to know how to behave and react around people I don't know well.

What will I gain from striving to be better and more?

>>37601983
>But my attachment issues might just be autism, tho.

Autism doesn't cause attachment issues like that. 90% of "autists" aren't.

You were raised by a fucked up, dysfunctional man. That's enough to give you any number of issues.

Killing your cat is enough justification never to see your father again.

It's time to defend yourself, establish your own rules and experience freedom.

You are free to cut anyone out of your life.

Does anyone know anything about dark triads or what exactly this personality is? For some reason I don't recall ever meeting one does that mean I'm the dark triad?

>>37602033

I know about it. Meeting one won't necessarily be obvious.

It's a mix of two personality disorders and machiavellianism. Narcissism, psychopathy, and mach.

It's now been superseded by the Dark Tetrad, which adds sadism to the mix.

In doubt, test yourself.

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

>>37602033
People like that can disguise themselves very well, so not meeting one doesn't mean much.

You can try this test for starters
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

There are many things that signal this kind of personality. Flat emotion, tendency to lie, the need to control. There is a lot.

>>37602063
>>37602099

Creepy. Yo.

>>37602063
No I definitely have the traits and I fantasize about exciting things like robbing banks, jumping off cliffs, etc. But the reality is I'm a homeless wanderer who has constantly being trespassed from businesses for anger outbursts and abuse towards customers. Here's the thing though them people violated my rights (gave me dirty looks) or w/e so I lashed out. I'm not even can't steal because I have so many criminal charges pending and I'm out on a $10,000 bond

If I am a dark triad it feels like fucking stupid like it's ruined my life or I'm terrible like if I could go back I'd go no trouble at all and go on a shop lifting spree right now. There's so many clothes I want because I feel very unimpressive right now.

>>37602140
>people violated my rights (gave me dirty looks)

Were you giving them dirty looks too?

You sound like BPD more than triad, because triad people are cunning, you're just impulsive.

>>37602111
I didn't know about dark tetrad. It's interesting reading about sadism. I remember when I was a kid I really enjoyed the gory flash games where you would have a cute little animal and then have options to torture it in different ways. I remember how my mother was freaked out by me laughing at those.

I never knew there was such thing as dark tetrad. Interesting info.

>Creepy
It should be mentioned that dark triad people can mimic others very well to mask their lack of soul.

>>37602154
hell no one of them was i got caught stealing coffee and shit this loss prevention officer came out confronted me i called him a bitch yada yada. next thing i know i'm hand cuffed.

another one a black dude pissed me the fuck off called him a nigger tried fighting him got assault and disorderly conduct.

last one at wal mart some fat nasty disabled lady sat next to me and said 'i want the drugs you're on' because i was on a diatribe so i started calling her names managers found out called the police.

wait bpd is cluster b aren't clusters b triads? also i'm a deadly narcissist.

>>37602013

What do you mean by "autists"? """

I probably would never see him if it wasn't for the fact that he was still with my mother. My mother is one of the better people. She might not understand everything, but she doesn't mind. She often shows me she loves me and cares, even though I'm like a shutin, sick, weird person. She's more preoccupied with finding what we have in common, than focusing on what separates us. The latter I find many people are preoccupied with (maybe including me).

When I was about 16 he cheated on my mum and they were almost separated. I remember feeling relieved. They got back together, though.

Becoming an adult, I realize I have the "psychological power" in the relationship between my father and I. I know my disapproval could crush and destroy him. How much can you blame people for their stupidity and ignorance? At least I don't care what he thinks and says anymore. He had a problematic childhood himself. In a way, I feel that I'm the adult between us now.

>>37602193
>wait bpd is cluster b aren't clusters b triads?

Dark Triad/Tetrad isn't a clinical term.

Who are you so angry at, Anon?

>>37602226
its just general anger/paranoia distrust of motherfucks.

idk man i spent a lot of time homeless like a lot of time as a vagrant having to steal to live and being ostracized and attacked by law enforcement business owners loss prevention officers etc. i guess over time you really do feel like its you against the world.

but at the same time i think i am a dark triad half the reason i can't live with family is because i was abusive and my behavior 'scares' them.

>>37602225
>What do you mean by "autists"? """

Real autism is fairly obvious. Most of you guys don't suffer from autism but mere lack of socialisation. You haven't learned stuff others have learned. It's not organic.

>>37602246
>its just general anger/paranoia distrust of motherfucks.

I don't believe for a second that your reactions come from nowhere.

What happened before you were homeless?

>>37602246
You might be dark triad, but honestly it seems borderline is your main problem. I know that because I do dumb shit like you. Obviously to a lesser extent, because it hasn't gotten me homeless yet. Actually I get into conflicts with homeless quite often. Nothing against you, just hate people asking me for money and being angry when I tell them to fuck off.

>>37602288

Talk to him, Anon, and use a name. You have a lot in common.

I'm a diagnosed psychotic. The doctors aren't sure if it's schizophrenia or not. Lately, I have been reading up on history and I'm starting to believe it is my destiny to gain immense political power and usher in a new golden age. What do you think? I'm also not sure that mental illness is not what we have been led to believe it is. I feel like we're desperately trying to explain away spiritual/religious experiences.

>>37602279
well i mean i do have a lot of fucked up things happened to me -

best friend did suicide
sexually molested
abusive family
non existent father figure growing up
attacked by authority figures in school

basically my hate for authority comes from wanting to fuck up teachers and stuff when i was a little boy i hated male teachers so damned much id act out and try to embarrass them or turn the kids against htem?

>>37602288
naw you'd be alright with me you'd probably not no i was homeless and i don't ask strangers for money i more steal from businesses etc. or ask family for money like a LOT.

>>37602331

Sounds you're desperately trying to explain away your own mental illness as something more glorious. If so, you only need to wait and you'll realise you were wrong.

It's more likely that religious experiences were mental illness to begin with.

>>37602373

Who molested you?

Someone already asked this question.

>>37602409
my stupid grandma. she would rub my penis when we were laying on the bed or have me feel her breasts. sadly i still talk to her shes the main person i fiend money from.

i guess i feel like a narcissist in teh way i dress and act (very attention seeking) but as for psychopath i'm terrible at manipulating people really can only get money out of family and that is not working they're tired of giving it out.

matter of fact i see

>>37602445
>my stupid grandma. she would rub my penis when we were laying on the bed or have me feel her breasts. sadly i still talk to her shes the main person i fiend money from.

Well, you need to cut that shit out right now. Your grandmother is a pedophile and she violated you. Don't take her money, cut her off completely. You owe it to yourself.

Psychopaths aren't always good at manipulating. Forget about the Dark Triad, it's not you. You're a Borderliney sort of survivor.

You only need to connect the dots between your past and your behaviour.

>>37602373
Yeah, it's not like I go ballistic at every homeless guy I see. Only the ones who ask me for money and don't want to back off. Actually one time I was walking somewhere, but I had to check the map, so I take out my phone and this gypsy beggar walks up to me. I recognize him, because he always drags his son with him to get pity, but he does nothing but beg. Starts asking me for money, I tell him to fuck himself, guy starts shouting about how he will kill me. I laugh at him, call him a dirty faggot and walk away.

It might seem like I'm trying to be edgy, but this is really absolutely needless fucking risk. The guy has not much to lose, if he stabbed me, I'd have been dead. But at the moment I just don't give a shit.

Maybe we are different, but I often do things that are dangerous/harmful out of impulse. Mostly anger. And I usually regret them later. Like insulting random people for very minor infractions thus trying to start conflict, etc.

>>37600838
Open window and look outside. that's a start a least

>>37602263
Oh, I see. I wrote a bit about that in the previous thread, don't know if you read it. About how I simulate people's personality etc to compensate for a lack of intuitive understanding. If you didn't read it, I can find it and copy it here.

I still can't tell how people think/ react to what I say in real time. My autism is more visible in RL. Actually, most people in RL find me a bit daft due to the way I behave and speak.

I consider myself about 2/3 "smart" and 1/3 retarded due to autism. The ratio can be argued, I guess.

How I understand people is something I learned throughout the years. "Fortunately" for me, I was always curious about people. Like, when I was 16, I rented books about body language at the library because of curiosity. I remember distinctly deciding to use eye contact when I started college. I'm also always aware of my own eye contact and body language. I generally don't have a natural response to other people's feelings and behavior.

I scored fairly high on cognitive (is that the word?) ability in kindergarten, but I scored low on sociability. I think in my case i have some intellectual capacity, but I also have autism. Which then manifest in some weird way you wouldn't normally associate with autism. My siblings are fine socially, I'm the odd one out. My profile is highly asymmetric.

>>37602516
holy shit you're exactly like me seems you take your anger out on other people?

yes i'm surprised i haven't gotten my ass beat badly yet because really i'm not phsyically big nor a good fighter but man i think people sense the sheer anger i have when the (minr infractions) occur and they're like 'this guy is fucking nuts' so i scare them off. most the time what happens is the police are called either by them or a third party and i'm nabbed somehwere down the line.

>>37602559

Autism is an abnormal development of the brain early on, making automatisms not automatic later on.

Give examples of social faux pas.

>>37602516
well maybe not my thing is i'm just angry and ill take on the world sometimes. i understand the useless conflict stuff i'll insult people just for being in my presence thing is i realize its bad character defect of mine but i do it and i don't think about it or necessarily do it for a reason.

Hey Nick, how is it going? Seeing you answering everyone, I just want to tell you that I do see all your constant work for everyone. And for that, I'm supportive of you

>>37602560
>holy shit you're exactly like me seems you take your anger out on other people?
Sometimes on myself too. It's gonna sound funny but I punch myself in the face out of anger. It calms me so much, only problem is when I go overboard and give myself a bruise/black eye.

>yes i'm surprised i haven't gotten my ass beat badly yet because really i'm not phsyically big nor a good fighter but man i think people sense the sheer anger i have when the (minr infractions) occur and they're like 'this guy is fucking nuts' so i scare them off
It's so fucking similar for me. I'm not big, never did martial arts, but I had to fight a lot when I was younger because most of my peers were trying to beat me up/humiliate me. And people can probably tell when you're angry and capable of doing everything. Someone ITT described it as seeing an animal that is about to attack. This is gonna sound like first world problems, but when I was in a club and started a conflict with someone, I never actually had to fight. The guys always backed down, because they saw how I just smiled and wasn't at all scared. They could beat me up, but beating up someone with no sense of self-preservation is risky. A cornered animal has nothing to lose. I think they can feel that instinctively. They could whoop my ass, but some of them would be in the ambulance with me. Not worth it I guess.

Anyways, we've established some similarities. Have you found anything that calms you down? I've been trying to look for these things. Keeping myself occupied works obviously. By learning things mostly. It kinda takes my mind of it. Have you found anything?

>>37602729

Kind of you, but I'm doing a lazy job. Not actually responding to everyone. I used to do much better, but I'm exhausted right now.

BBQ party got cancelled for tonight. I think I was the only one who could go.

>>37602782
Even if lazy, you're still doing it. You're the only one I know that would pull out what you're currently doing.

And it still amazes me.

>>37602737
no the things that would calm me down i can't do. for instance go cliff jumping, want to get into base jumping, reckless driving got my shit so good after i did something really dangerous in a car i felt calmed down.

i slap myself a lot really hard never punch like you, cigarettes calm me down to the point of feeling almost buddha like but when withdrawals hit its bad so i stopped them. i think fucking females is a perfect but i can't like i try to flirt with girls i just need more money to get htem or a get a motel room to fuck them.

i noticed lately females are really receptive of me smiling, etc.

i think thrill seeking is my main answer but seeing as i'm a literal bum i can't seek thrills except to steal and right now i'm weighing heavily against it since i have so many pending charges and probation 10,000 bond etc.

>>37602803

I'm told this often. I still second guess my own motives. I don't quite believe I'm a good person trying to help, but as long as that's what I do, I guess I'm all right.

>>37602805
I don't know man. The things you mentioned don't sound like shit that would help you get your mind off things. You're just describing more things that are risky.

I mean, there must be some way for people like us to just stop being this way.

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>>37602884
Even if your core motives aren't as "pure" as you want them to be, you're still doing it.

It's like people doing volunteer work, plainly knowing they do it just to add something on their resume like me. No matter what, they still do free work, and that's better than being butthurt by the fact they do it for egoist reasons.
All in all, your concerns are shared with all the good people I know. And when I say good, I mean exceptionally good, kind. And you're one of them, whether you like it or not

>>37602972

Oh, I like it. That's why I'm suspicious of my own motives.

>>37602981
In what regard then?

>inb4 it's not original

>>37601665
I am serious. I've never talked about this to anyone. Not a therapist, counselor, doctor, friend, girlfriend...nobody

>>37602899
There might be but I just want life in the fast lane all the time and when I can't I feel this emptiness that will transcend into anger. I described like punting pine cones because I'm so empty that I make myself angry on purpose to the point of kicking pine cones at cars driving by then yelling angrily at someone because they're watching me do this ritual and not driving on through their green light.

you know yesterday I seen this manager qt of a coffee shop and she was with her husband, some marine fire fighter dude, or having an affair i was trying ot see if it was her husband because if not i was going to use that aginst her. anyways she seen someon driving by on a bike and honked right as he was in front of her car i said really loudly 'really bitch?' she looked over at me and we locked eyes like you said with the scared animal but this time I looked into the abyss of someone that was like me, an empty, crazy, mind looking for thrill seeking. she was like an equal to me like someone that i dont' want to fuck but want ot base jump with, or go on a crime spree or anyting. maybe if i seen you irl id get the same feeling? it was crazy and I don't know if she was a psychopath or a borderline, or w/e we are but when we locked eyes after she honked at that innocent bike rider for no reason i glanced down in approval or maybe even submission and she let out this sly smile as to say 'SEE'.

idk she is definitely someone that is down as fuck to ride and through that i don't even see her sexually but more like someone to do fun thrill seeking with its just crazy.

pic related is her

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Hello everyone, hope I didnt miss anything important in the past few days.
Did alot of vidya and drinking this week.

Also I made a new picture, maybe you guys will like it

>>37602992

If I like being a good person, etc.

>>37602994

Any other events relating to your personal hygiene or excrements?

>>37602599

Are we really going down Cringe Road to Cringe Town?

When I was about 19, I knew this guy in university. He visited me and my female room mate. He told us about a friend of his that was suicidal. My room mate had told me about her friend who committed suicide earlier, so in my mind this was a good opportunity to share her experiences, it was like "neat they have something in common". I was kinda proud in a way, the way I thought that. Holy fuck. So I said to her "doesn't that remind you of someone" to try to make her talk about it. She left the room crying...

I've had quite a few cringey episodes throughout the years, but some are dependent on seeing the context/ tone of voice etc to get. My teenage years were the worst. I got a female friend at 17 who gossiped about people, which actually made me more able to understand them. She would say stuff like "did you see how mad he looked?" Which I hadn't noticed at all, but it taught me what to look for in other people's behavior and facial expressions. When I was in my 20s I met another guy who was unusually perceptive about people. He taught me how to look for mental states and emotions in subtle facial expressions.

If you met me, Nick, you might see it more clearly. When I'm given all the time in the world to write, sure I can put together some sentences that make about sense. But functioning in the real world is something very different. I might come off as obnoxious for saying it, but I'm kinda clever in some ways. And those ways make me able to compensate for the issues I have to some degree. Like I have very poor reading comprehension and poor working memory, but I managed school fine. To me, autism is being mentally handicapped. It's like being a marathon runner who suddenly finds his leg is broken.

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>>37602995
wait hte pic wasn't there but anyways i want to take this bitch up on a blimp and have her jump off with her parachute i bet her marine husband would even be down to do some crazy shit he seems pretyt wired too.

>>37603026
I see. Can't really help, as you're the one knowing everything you've done. All I know of you is just what I get from these threads.

I do recall you saying that these threads were a way to socialize though. I bet it's not the only reason.

>>37602995

As far as I am concerned, I do believe that you recognise your own kind. It happened to me on various degrees.

Something happens when you make visual contact and it's nothing short of electrifying. I can't explain it.

For my part, I experienced literal telepathy with such a person, and I still haven't recovered.

>>37603075
what exactly happend I'm interested now? also are you a people pleaser?

>>37603035
>So I said to her "doesn't that remind you of someone"

Just explain to me what you thought you were doing when you said that, and whether you understand why that was fucked up.

>>37603035
>And those ways make me able to compensate for the issues I have to some degree.

That's probably how you got clever at certain things: you were forced to compensate.

Record yourself on vocaroo and speak some.

>>37603038

How do you have a pic of her?

>>37602899
hey that and posting that girl that i found that is like us made me realize something i should start a band of psychopaths that are like pro social and we use our abilities to start a movement or a base jumping squad.

or we could even become like a group of mercenaries fuck that would be so dope.

>>37603202
pretty easy i first seen her at a coffee shop that shemanages so i went on facebook and typed in that coffee shop so of course she was tagged all over the page then i found her profile etc. took all but two minutes lol.

>>37603120
>what exactly happend I'm interested now?

A lot. I used to be a people-pleaser, less so now that I understand what's going on with me.

As to telepathy, someone felt my emotional state miles apart with no knowledge of what was going on and I experienced the same in reverse.

Other weird events like smelling the other one when they're not around.

I don't know what to make of it.

>>37602995
>I just want life in the fast lane all the time and when I can't I feel this emptiness that will transcend into anger
I think this is the core. Except we both deal with it differently. For me I'm trying to fill it with money and success. I'm pushing myself at work as much as I fucking can, because if I'm not going to be in management or at least sales, then what the fuck am I doing? Might seem different, but it's similar.

>yelling angrily at someone because they're watching me do this ritual and not driving on through their green light.
When people are angry, they recognize you. They just can't ignore you. It's similar for me, you know there is a term in these threads, that is called "to danrail"? It's like derail, but by me. It's when I start arguing with everyone and insulting everyone. And I can make people angry, hell even Nick, who is a fucking saint. But when people are angry at you, they are acknowledging you. What is it, that is common in borderline people? Oh yes, I believe it's called "attention-seeking". Same as you kicking the pinecones.

>she looked over at me and we locked eyes like you said with the scared animal but this time I looked into the abyss of someone that was like me, an empty, crazy, mind looking for thrill seeking
Strangely enough, I know exactly what you mean. I know when I see people who are similar to me. This one guy who was constantly on drugs or drinking and always drove while high/drunk. I got on very well with him. Instantly. This other guy who was really agressive, who always used to pick fights. He would beat everyone fucking up on a whim, but we got along just fine, no one understood why I was never in the least afraid of him. Or this woman who slept around and did meth. When I first saw her and made a insulted her in a not-so-subtle way, how she looked back at me. Her dark, crazy eyes. It's in the eyes.

And don't even get me started on my classmates from middleschool. Crazy, violent, very fond of me.

>>37603244
Could you talk more about this "people pleaser" thing? It may ring a few bells in me.

>>37603213
Man you just reminded me of another friend of mine, we actually talked that a lot. That we will join the army and then get hired to be contractors to shoot somalian pirates. It's another guy like I mentioned here >>37603285, thrill seeking, agressive, impulsive, he actually did join the army. Yet I feel there is this silent approval. This silent sense of camaraderie that I don't feel with many people. None of us could ever explain, but we were the same. This probably sounds weird to anyone reading it, but it's like anon said. You really can tell. Not to often, but you can. Instantly and it never fades.

>>37603167
Difficult to say. It was 10 years ago. A weird pride of feeling like I could bring two people together? Idk, it's been so long. It was one of those weird autistic moments I've had. Can logic even explain the retardedness? I apologized to my room mate the next day, I realized I'd done something wrong since she left the room. She forgave me, oddly enough. And of course I understand why that was fucked up. That's one of the reasons I know I'm autistic, because in hindsight I'm able to intellectually understand what a fucked up thing I did or said. It was a fucked up perspective to present to someone who knew someone who killed themselves.

That's some of my problem, I can't understand these things in real time, but given some distance I can reason it out. Of course, I've learned more and understand more as I age, so I error less. But, Nick, this is my 1/3 retardedness. This is my inborn stupidity. I try to avoid it as much as possible. But it's also one of my fears, I know I can be extremely blind in the moment. That's autism

>>37603285
>It's in the eyes.

All this feels supernatural, but it echoes with my own experience, though we're not the same sort of fucked up.

>>37603380
Autism, or a lack of empathy. I have the latter, and what you're talking about is kind of resonating in me.

>>37603323

It's when you were not given your own worth as a child, growing up, and end up doing your best to get people's approval, as you did with your parents first. You try to be a good boy, and the praise you get is the only source of validation you get. You're rewarded for doing what you're told, or being good.

This makes for great employees later on.

This may also repel some people who will find you to be a hypocrite, or suspect you of being an asslicker, because they can't imagine why you'd be so nice to them.

>>37603367
yes for absolute certain. i got it a lot of jail like man these people tick like me. matter of fact i started frothing at the mouth when inmates would talk about their high speed chases with the police it was like needle junkie in there everytime he would see this diabetic shoot himself of insulin his eyes would light up, his brain would release epinephrine and he would get really jittery. i got that exact feeling when people described high speed chases, or anything exciting. with me its not so much killing or hurting someone though i know some psychopaths get that feeling i just described when thinking about it but i've never been sadistic just masochistic.

for instance i love the feeling of buring myself with heated up screw drivers. i want a female to take a really red hot piece of metal and burn me right as she is about to fuck me. just weird shit like that.

but ya the silent camaraderie is always going to be there i guess people presume that we're not for eachother but imho psychopaths enjoy the company of other psychopaths more then anyone.

>>37603367
>but you can. Instantly and it never fades.

I'll call her X, since it's what I do in private correspondence. X instantly knew about me. She thought I was a male version of her.

She even had visions of us. I don't know what the fuck is going, with visions and telepathy, but what happened between us was out of this world, and it still is, though completely the opposite of what happened before.

>>37603380

Stop assuming it's inborn or autism or anything. You have to learn this shit through practice, that's all.

Seems to me your desire to be special exceeded your caution here. Imagine being other people before you say something, take your time if needed. In real time need not be in a hurry.

>>37603476
Is there anymore to it? Perhaps links you could give, no need to type everything

Do the empathy test, "autist" anon.

https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/

>>37603465
I haven't followed these threads carefully. Why do you have a lack of empathy?

>>37603476
only reason i asked tbqh is you do these threads often you're very dedicated more so then any anon unless you're like a psy op conducted by soem governemtn or angency to try and get us crazy anons help. if not you're just really good at listening to people.

actually you remind me of this guy named pastor bob who would come to the jail, he helps inmates get on their feet but in the process he gets eaten alive by people, their reuqests, their problems etc.

>>37603552

Richard Grannon on Facebook, people-pleaser. You'll learn a bunch.

>>37603562
>actually you remind me of this guy named pastor bob who would come to the jail, he helps inmates get on their feet but in the process he gets eaten alive by people, their reuqests, their problems etc.

Sounds like me, except people's problems help me with my own.

As my therapist says, I was made for that job. It's some superhero origin story.

>>37603559
I have blunted feelings, which means, as an effect, that I cannot have empathy. Or little. If I barely feel to begin with, I can't understand others on the emotion departement.
Sure I can rationalize it, but subtle hints on the moment go way above my head.

File: Empathy Results Nick.png (25KB, 815x282px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 815x282px

>>37603622

As opposed to 95% of the people in these threads, I'm Empathman. When a fly dies, I feel the pain that its aunts and uncles feel, even though they never knew their nephew.

>>37603666
I try not to kill insects when they're inside of my bedroom. I prefer to let them go.
I still have that archaic sense of empathy inside of me somehow. For insects. Kek.

I scored something around 15 on your test

>>37603666
satan you're like the lid to our bucket

>>37603706

Most people here score lower than 20, sometimes lower than 10. I keep thinking you guys are doing it on purpose to fuck with me.

I scored 78 by answering stuff that was obvious to me. I don't understand how anyone can get lower than 50.

>>37603541
Desire to be special?

I guess that's just another disappointment in other people. So many years, I've tried so hard, I've worked so hard. I always try to understand people to avoid doing the same mistakes. You have no idea how much thought goes into my every action and word. You have no idea how much effort I go through to do everyday stuff that most people can do no problem.

"Imagine being other people"
How fucking retarded can you be.

Fuck you retarded shits of human beings. Circle jerking in this meaningless pile of shit.

Stop making these threads when you know you have such personal problems that interfere with your judgment.

>>37603502
>with me its not so much killing or hurting someone though i know some psychopaths get that feeling i just described when thinking about it but i've never been sadistic just masochistic.
Interesting. I get that feeling from being in control. That's when I feel great. Like when I'm talking to a customer who comes and doesn't at all like what I'm trying to show him. And I just find that angle through talking to him, that angle which makes him agree with me. There is always a way, always an angle. And if it's not so clear, you lie a little. But at the end of the day, as long as you make him do what you want, that's the greatest fucking feeling in the world. Talking someone into something they didn't wanna do. That's actually why I've been trying to get into sales so desperately even though I have technical background. Having a technical background is good, because then you can always start talking about something the person doesn't understand, but if they are proud enough they will never admit and it makes them uneasy, makes it easier to do your thing. So yeah, for you it's thrill, for me it's control.

>but imho psychopaths enjoy the company of other psychopaths more then anyone.
That's very true. It's like that with one of my colleagues. The guy is VERY controlling. The best salesman in the company. He actually got a couple people fired just through clever manipulation. He fucking loves me though (no homo) and always keeps his protective hand above me, because I'm similar to him and he can tell. And as usual, no one else understands why the two of us get on so well with each other. It's actually quite funny, because my boss (a different guy) is a fair, naive man who is trying to emulate this controlling, psychopathic behavior. But everyone can tell and frankly he has no real power. Just rattling his cage.

>>37603748
Yet I can promise I answered without the intention to fuck with anyone.

When you know how to do something, it's unbelievably hard to remotely understand that others can have a hard time doing what you do so easily.

Besides, I'm pretty sure I had a good ammount of empathy. Before. And yes I fucking love that ctrl+s shortcut

>>37603719

That was quite the post to get Satan trips on.

Kek is with me.

>>37600377
About 5 years ago I started having a recurring nightmare about a girl I loved dying, the girl had no real life equivalent and ever since the nightmares started I feel like I'm no longer capable of forming a romantic connection with someone. I've been in relationships since but I've always had to end them because of this.

>>37603757
>"Imagine being other people"
>How fucking retarded can you be.

I have no idea what the problem is here, or why it makes you so upset.

You know what it's like being you, so put yourself in other people's shoes, this doesn't ask of you to guess what they feel and think, but only what you would feel and think if you were in that situation. That's much more approachable, and that's how most people guess how others feel.

>Stop making these threads when you know you have such personal problems that interfere with your judgment.

What's my error of judgement here?

I feel like you thought you were insulted or somehow attacked, though I meant nothing of the sort, so I am very confused.

>>37603510
Yeah I don't know if there is any real explanation to this phenomenon. Maybe it's imagined, but I really don't think it is. I've actually NEVER been wrong in this. It never happened to me when I thought "hey, this guy might be like me" only to find out he's not. Never.

I wonder what is it, that connects us. It can not be morals, because we're both very different in this way, for example.

>>37603758
hah its funny my dad was a salesman all his life but a fucking failed one that ruined his life to gambling, meth, etc. matter of fact i'm not allowed to contact him because of a domestic dispute type of things me and him would fight (he was a fighter though too a very vicious and good one) so its whatever i'll probably just wait until he dies then visit his grave.

just control yourself enough to not derail the train.

>>37603799

Feels good, I know.

>>37603869
>You know what it's like being you, so put yourself in other people's shoes, this doesn't ask of you to guess what they feel and think, but only what you would feel and think if you were in that situation. That's much more approachable, and that's how most people guess how others feel.

>when I do I just can't comprehend why people didn't do it the way I would have done it
>cause of muh feelings
>heh

>>37603869
You are belittling me, that's the fucking problem. Stop treating me like a fucking retard. At least stop treating me like more than 2/3 retard. Since I'm 1/3 retard I'll give you that much

>>37603870

You attract and are attracted to your own kind, because God wants to see some fucked up shit happen.

More seriously, you function in similar ways, you think alike, feel alike, and this is somehow obvious to you. It feels like you're from the same mold, and stand out compared to everyone else.

For a long time, I was the only thing that mattered to X, apart from her children, and my whole being was sacred to her.

Maybe you don't understand their way of thinking. Worth trying.

>>37603931
>You are belittling me, that's the fucking problem.

All right. I wasn't, and off the bat, I'm not sure where you see that, but it certainly is an interesting event, because you are mad as hell.

You call yourself an autist, while I don't. You may not realise this, but I'm not attacking you in anyway, yet you're defending yourself as if I was. This is very confusing.

You should quote the bits you thought were attacks.

And take a name.

I recommend Pissy Pants, because that one I will remember.

>>37600377
>be me at 14 years old
>father of a close friend dies
>don't know what to feel
>me and my parents go to see him
>I barely could hold my laughter
>have to leave the area because of it

Was this a sign of my actual diseases? This happened 6 years ago. This is my original reply, I swear.

>>37603881
>just control yourself enough to not derail the train.
Yeah, I'm gonna try.

It's funny you mention your father. My fathers side of family is also full of alcoholic guys who are aggressive. My father is a kind of different story though, he's much more meek, because my grandfather used to beat him up a lot when he was young. Sometimes to the point where he had to go to the hospital. With garden hoses, hoes, etc. That's why he actually isn't that aggressive unless he really has to, which isn't often, but when he is though, people said you'd be better off not being anywhere in his vicinity.

So our fathers I guess are involved in some way. Or genes.

>>37604005

What made you laugh?

Hello, how are you all doing

>>37603983
I was namie.

I fucking hate when people say I'm trying to be special. Like my fucked up history is just a fucked up chain of wanting to be special. That's patronizing as fuck. It belittles every effort I have been going through

>>37603622
Why are your feelings blunted?

>>37604071
>I fucking hate when people say I'm trying to be special.

OK. Could it be because it's true? Are you trying to be special?

I'm not completely sure of why you get so offended. I believe most people are trying to be special, I know I am. Being different from everyone else, in good ways, etc. It's very common to want to be special.

I don't see how it belittles your efforts. You might be attributing thoughts to me that only exist in your head.

It's fine, however, I won't get mad at you for being angry.

>>37603939
>because God wants to see some fucked up shit happen.
And that he will.

>It feels like you're from the same mold, and stand out compared to everyone else.
Yeah, I thought often it was just narcissism, but I think it is something more. We exist, we know about each other and somehow we seem to be memorable for others. I think for most people, we're like a police car. Nothing too strange, but if you keep watching it, chances are something interesting will happen.

I just wonder, what exactly are we.

>>37604143
>just wonder, what exactly are we.

C-PTSD superheroes.

>>37604113
Extremely severe depression that went on for a year or two, until at one point something clicked inside my brain. I went from constantly feeling sadness, loneliness, depression, to being depersonalized, derealized, and having blunted feelings.
It was a way to cope with the severe negative feelings I had back in the days. I scored 43 on the depression test of nick. Twice the points necessary to score the highest stage.

>>37604132
I don't want to be special. if anything, i want to be liked. Don't need to be special for that

I'm angry because you try to blame my problems on a personality trait where I try to be special.

>>37604206
>I'm angry because you try to blame my problems on a personality trait where I try to be special.

I was not. I was asking you questions to figure things out, and suggesting possibilities. Your reaction, however, is important, because it shows how you think and how you react.

In this case, you have a very hostile reaction to something completely innocuous on my end. Your fear of others thinking this or that leads you to such conclusions.

This would cause you to have social issues and being less liked as a result. I deal with it fine because I'm used to healing wounded animals who bite, hard, believe me, but other people have healthier defense systems than I have.

That's how it works, though, you get to pummel me for however long you need until you can believe I'm not against you.

I believe that personality trait comes from your problems, not the other way around, in fact.

>>37604033
The whole situation.

>>37604330
In all honesty, your >>37603541 post felt rather aggressive.
I'm not saying it was. I'm saying it felt like it, and considering the turn of event, it was interpreted that way. You did explain your whole definition of "desire to be special" afterward indeed, but with your sole post, it wasn't that obvious to me nor namie.

>>37604369

You're gonna have to explain it better. Be specific, what made you laugh?

>>37604433
>post felt rather aggressive.

Then that makes two of you who see aggression where none is.

It's like a Rorschach test, but with words. Stuff like that can sabotage your social life, so it's important to spot it in a safer context, with fucktards like me.

>>37604330
I'm used to being blamed for who I am and where I am from, yes

I started drinking so I'm a bit tipsy now. I'm don't want to pummel anyone. I don't want to waste other people's time like that

>>37604433
I appreciate that originalo

namie aka pissy pants

>>37604520

You're not wasting my time, don't worry. Pummelling might have to happen at first, I can take it.

Just know that I am not blaming you for anything. I usually get criticised for the exact opposite, so rest assured.

>>37604457
Namie did spend a lot of time thinking about his issues, and finished his post with his own worldview.
You challenged it, using the imperative form, as if you had sorted everything out from the posts he made. While he spent more time than us on it.

I never said it was an aggression. I said it could be portrayed like that, that it could be felt like that, as normal sentences carry multiple meanings. I'm just trying to put some light on why namie reacted that way.

You know, I'm used to the kind of job I'm doing right now. I used to watch a couple of friends shit on each other other things like what we just experienced: equivocity. I'm merely pointing it out.

>>37604625
I forgot to add that your intention can be seen from your intervention as well, Nick. But again, equivocity, and there was a misunderstanding between you two.

>>37604649
>>37604625
>tfw being so dispassionate that I can take multiple views into account

>>37604625
>You challenged it, using the imperative form,

Yes. It's often mandatory. I can't force anyone to do anything, however.

Despite your good intentions, you aren't helping here, because you make him feel like he was in the right and should maintain his way of reacting, which is what hinders his life in parts. Don't forget that you score like a toddler on empathy, and you giving him advice, or countering mine to him is like the blind leading the blind.

I know how he understood my words; my whole point is to show that it was the wrong interpretation. I'm not surprised you both had similar interpretations. It's not coincidence, but it doesn't make it right.

>I'm just trying to put some light on why namie reacted that way.

I know why he reacted that way. The only confusion I had was about the exact nature of his thoughts, the details. I'm not asking out of curiosity, I'm asking because making that thought process conscious is how you heal and correct your mind.

>>37604812
what I am I not getting? How I am responding wrong? (not being sarcastic)

>>37604812
>you make him feel like he was in the right

I know, but I wasn't sure if you knew about it. My own experience looking at others tells me that it's generally not the case, but your post reassures me. I won't interfere anymore

>>37604922

You're not responding wrong, you're hearing me wrong. Your response is fine, but it's like you're responding to someone else.

That said, in this post, I'm talking to Frenchy and on why he shouldn't interfere because it creates more confusion than it helps.

And I have my limits in terms of being diplomatic when it comes to telling people they're not good judges of social acumen and should just trust me.

As to you, you only have to understand, for now, that I am not your enemy and I don't talk to you in aggressive ways. I may say things that aren't pleasent, and that could also be wrong (I'm not omniscient), but there are no ill intentions on my side.

>>37604956
>I know, but I wasn't sure if you knew about it.

I'm mister 78/80 empathy, I know a whole lot more than you realise. I just can't always prove that I know all that stuff because it would defeat certain purposes, sound weird, and generally be an odd sort of communication style. There's a time for everything.

>>37604991
Still, there is a fine line between assuming and knowing. I assumed until I read your post, and now I know.

I prefer the latter, the former drains energy. And the base is more solid when it was openly admitted once.

Hello guys. Why shitty days must always be shittier for things we can control? Why is selection bias a thing?
I really want to be able to be rational even when i'm down...

hi Nick, everyone I know is a narc. how do i deal with that?

With that said, I will go outside with a friend of mine. Have a nice evening everyone

>>37603021
Awesome pic anon, saved

>>37604979
I don't mind hearing unpleasant things. if I did, i wouldn't be on r9k. I get triggered when someone forces certain perspectives on me. I get triggered if someone doesn't listen.

>>37605116
>hi Nick, everyone I know is a narc. how do i deal with that?

You cut them off.

>>37605131

Have fun.

>>37605197

I did neither and still triggered you.

>>37605210
>You cut them off.
but that would mean cutting off absolutely everyone in my life. i would be absolutely alone

>>37605210
>I did neither and still triggered you.

I guess I'm just an unsalvageable retard

File: 1496446587706.jpg (78KB, 680x686px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 680x686px

I want to kill myself more and more every passing day.

Btw nick, what happened between you and your family?
Any updates?

>>37605265
What the fuck do you want then?
You can't change people so you're better off alone.

>>37605265

Better alone than surrounded by narcs. Make new friends.

>>37605329

You'll be fine if you stick around. Don't worry.

>>37605346
>you and your family?

My mother found my diary from over 15 years ago, takes pictures of it and sends on Facebook, asking questions. She doesn't see the problem with violating my privacy. I blocked the whore and my "father". They have an e-mail address to contact me with. I expect no contact from them for a month, as is their habit.

They are dead to me.

>>37603021
That's really cool. Do you have any other?

>>37603021

Missed that one. Yes, I like it. Post more.

>>37605410
>Make new friends.
i have tried. im incapable

>>37605410
>You'll be fine if you stick around. Don't worry

Stab me

>>37605483

Detail what fails when you try.

>>37605410
What is the technical definition of a narc? I hear it a lot on this thread, and now i'm curios. Also, i missed the part about your mother posting it on Facebook, that make the whole story even more paradoxical

I know I'm supposed to tell my therapist that I'm cutting myself but my cuts look really pathetic and I don't want him to think I'm doing it for attention, because I'm really not.

>>37605631
Not giving him all your symptoms will only do worse, explain to him also this fear of a judgment. Why do you think he may think you are doing it for attention?

>>37605826
Because I always think people think negatively of me. It's not a logical assumption but it's how I feel.

File: Daily Atlas Bullying Image.jpg (72KB, 600x385px) Image search: [Google]

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Hey Atlas! You're kind of like a snowball: you shove it and it reacts by getting bigger and bigger. Two problems with that though - I haven't seen a hill made of hot pockets and twinkies around here and you haven't done a day's exercise in your life.

>>37605503
every time i try to make a new friend she tells me "gtfo you BPD piece of shit"

>>37605855
This may sound hypocrital, because i am pretty similar, but rationally speaking, the majority of people won't judge you or even care about what you are doing if they are not close to you. Since you are already speaking with a therapist, i think that you should at least speak to him honestly, confidentiality is there for a reason.

>>37601867
This made me laugh. Hey Nick how's life?

>>37605582

A narcissist is someone whose core shame is so intense that they must cover it up with a fake self and feed that for mental survival. It usually translates into shitting on everyone else or praising themselves beyond normalcy.

They are very toxic and will make you feel bad constantly, even when you're not sure why you feel bad. You'll get a compliment and feel bad. Covert narcs are the worst.

Narcs don't really understand that other people exist the way they do. No empathy to be found there. They see themselves in everything, and will always bring everything right back to them.

Read about it, it's fascinating.

>>37606029
>every time i try to make a new friend she tells me "gtfo you BPD piece of shit"

Are you trying to make friends or get a girlfriend?

>>37606189

Betrayal from dick-hoppers may be more elevated than usual, I'll give you that.

>>37606321
friends with girls (im a girl)

>>37606335
Ha. The problem is they both turned into massive sluts after I ended it with them. What is it about me that turns women into complete careless degerates post-partum?

>>37606307
I'll look into it, although i generally don't like psychology and psychiatric disease in general. One of the reasons i'm doing so bad at the exam i'm preparing is that half of it is neuropsychopharmacology. It feel so random at times, there are very few diseases (and therapy) that we understand

>>37606363

OK, try to detail what happens, step by step. That's a strong reaction from someone to call you this. What could you possibly have done to get such an intense reaction?

3 more chances to drink now. Starting to get nervous. Hope I can enjoy tomorrow. Once work is out of the way, of course.

>>37606490
>The problem is they both turned into massive sluts after

Friend, I think you're naive.

>turned
>dick-hopping

I don't think they "turned" into anything after you, I think they were always the same, and the only turn that happened was yours.

>>37606508
>It feel so random at times, there are very few diseases (and therapy) that we understand

You're seeing this the wrong way, it's not that the mental illnesses as conceptualised by us exist, it's that the symptoms exist and we try to make a system categorising those, but you'll find out that it's far from very clear. Understanding isn't always too hard, it depends. It's more of a big mess than neatly separated issues.

>>37606545
maybe it is that i stutter nervously, and get really excited and stuff

>>37600377
I don't like the outside
I want to stay neet forever and have a qt gf who enjoys the things i do along with my company
Loneliness is making me KRAZE
what do?

>>37606595

Would anyone reject you for stuttering? Surely there's more to it.

Give me more details. You're not giving me much, almost as if you didn't want to say it.

>>37606644

Join a dating website and look for a girl with similar interests. Then go out together.

>>37606581
Big mess seems a good way to describe it (today i discovered you can treat bipolar disorders with anti-epileptic drugs, something i still can't wrap my head around). I'll probably end up mindlessly memorize everything, which i'm afraid will make me a worse doctor

>>37606703
it's just that ive thought of this so often that it makes me tired to say it

thats basically it: i try to put myself out there, introduce myself. invariably start to stutter, get abnormally excited and i get rejected (most of the time rudely). im also not very pretty so i suppose that doesnt help

>>37606560
Only one was the crotch bouncer, and even her brother is worried about what she's becoming at college. The first one became a party slut immediately after we'd split and got knocked up within a year. I don't think you understand how much everyone knows about everyone around here. I mean hell, I knew the week of my sister becaming a coalburner.

>>37606709
already did. No replies ,no matches
the dating site thing isnt big in my country and only chads succeed through there

My phone is also so shit that it wont run tinder

>>37606822

Maybe you approached the wrong people. They can't be all that nice if they reject you like that.

I doubt you're not pretty.

>>37606888

Kek likes small town drama.

>>37606897

What websites have you tried?

>>37606938
okcupid,badoo and a couple local ones that are shit because there almost no one using them

>>37606918
>I doubt you're not pretty.
im most definitely not pretty. not that i mind it, i just mention it because it might be relevant

maybe i am approaching the wrong people over and over again but i dont know how to change that. basically i approach anyone and everyone

>>37606986
>i approach anyone and everyone

Only approach people you like. Mind your own wishes, people will know if you go for anyone, and they won't feel valued.

What makes you think you're not pretty?

>>37606986
i'd fuck you

would you fuck me?

>>37607149

What the fuck?

Are you literally retarded?

>>37607149
honestly this makes me think you would fuck anyone

>>37607142
>What makes you think you're not pretty?
i look at other women and see myself and on my own judgement im an average on a great day. also, no bf ever. no man has ever approached me irl

>>37600465
You're wrong Nick, his parents are obviously narcissists

I'm pretty sure psychic noise from me disrupts technology. Just throwing that out there because I haven't said anything for a while.

>>37607249

If you and Dan both feel like sending a pic for an honest opinion... you know where to send an e-mail.

[email protected]

>>37607294

Both of our computers died shortly after the apocalypse. It was very unlikely to happen. My therapist seriously suggested that there was something to it, and that it does happen.

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>>37606938
Apparently so. Praise the chaos

Does someone fancy going into work for me tomorrow? Just don't really feel like it.

>>37607567

I'll go. Expect some shit.

>>37600377
>it's been 9 months
>still spend all my day focusing on ex

Im completely over her and have no positive emotions left for her, but still. I can't get her out of my head for some reason

>>37607579
Fuck it, if you could disguise yourself as me for the day I'd take it.

>>37607658

Just finished watching yet another X-Men movie. Was surprisingly good, goddam. X-Men: First Class. I recommend it.

I watch them because I like stupid crap but this was neither stupid nor crap.

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>>37607707
>First Class
Best capeshit movie ever. Period. No other superhero movie even comes close.
>like stupid crap
Have you heard of our lord and savior Mel Brooks?

>>37600377
Hey guys, how are you doing?

>>37607776

I used to watch this as a child, unironically. It's fucking stupid to let a kid of 5 watch this, 90% of the references went right over my head.

In my family, it was called "The Comic Star Wars".

>>37607707
Watched it and loved it, especially as a Magneto fan. I never felt that McKellen really did him justice. Fassbender has the strong jaw and the imposing stature/ persona that realise the character beautifully. You might be disappointed if you watch the two that follow it however.

>>37607872
>especially as a Magneto fan.

Everything was amazing. The acting was top notch, the script was perfect. They managed to pull it off beautifully. I like that both positions make sense, and you root for both. Gave me feels. More, I cried like a bitch, because it taps into everything else and yeah...

>>37607910
The bullet scene was really something, eh?

>>37600377
I have massive trust issues because most of my relationships end when I find out I've been lied too for long lengths of time.

>>37607819
Got a new copy for my birthday last month, was great to rewatch after over a decade, understanding way more of the film.

>>37607960

Everything with Fast-Bender gave me feels, except the scene where he speaks in French. He does a good job of it, but it was fucked. Goofy wording, uncanny accent beyond being an accent. I couldn't take it seriously, especially from the supposed Swiss guy in a Geneva bank, who also has a fucking accent.

Kevin Bacon's German is pretty good too, but both accents are too good to be "foreign" accents, and, instead, it's just uncanny. The uncanny valley of accents.

It's weird how I relate to villains like Magneto even though that's not how I behave in my own life.

>>37608010
Hello pot I'm kettle. It hurts doesn't it? Right in the trust and self-esteem.

>>37608096

Let's do some constellation bullshit.

You've been betrayed, I've betrayed. Let's fuck each other up. GO!

>>37605435
>>37605465
>>37605197

Damn it, noone responded so I went for a few beers

>>37608195
And Im drunk and responded to wrong post, awesum

>>37608173
I'm not gonna fight you Nick. I don't hurt friends.
>>37608217
Hey Atlas how's everything? Been at work, was only occasionally posting in thread here.

>>37608268
Hey, pretty shitty, went to get my "highschool diploma" today.
Sat there for almost two hours waiting for them to call my name and get gratulations from everyone I hated for the whole 4 years I was there.

Good thing is I wore a suit the whole time and suits are fucking awesome

Also I've been with that girl I was talking about earlier coz she works at a local pub, but we didnt talk too much, I was with a friend and she was working most of the time so we just talked while going for a cig but that was it.

My happines from finishing school and actually having chance of becoming someone in life wore of in 2 or 3 days and I started feeling like shit again

So everything is fucking great as always

>>37608392

Thank you for that moment of sunshine.

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>>37608082
>It's weird how I relate to villains like Magneto even though that's not how I behave in my own life.
But they're usually the only relatable fucking characters anymore in film garbage. The villians are actual people with flaws and real reasoning, and the "hero(es)" stop them because... they can? They don't like that person? Hero movies almost never makes sense and partly why I grew to hate the genre.
>>37608392
Fuck I remember that. Sitting in a suit and then these bullshit heat-trapping robes in 90-degree fucking weather for hours on end watching person after person you can't give half a fuck about walk 20'. I couldn't even not go, the VP threatened anyone who didn't attend. Said he'd keep your diploma from you if you didn't walk. Bastard.
>Talking with a female
Reeeeeee, and all that shit. I REALLY hope it works out for you!

>>37608513
Yeah it was horrible
Everyone was so fucking happy, families crying, taking photos every 2 seconds and bullshit like that.
Dont know why everyone makes it such a big fucking deal
I wish getting a paper that shows I didnt completly waste past few years made me that happy

>>37608513
>Reeeeeee, and all that shit. I REALLY hope it works out for you!

Thanks btw
I don't expect anything out of it but who knows, crazier shit happened already

>>37608710

Paradoxically, you feel this way about it because you expect too much from it, so you're disappointed. Enjoy it for what it is: the opening of a new chapter in your life.

If you don't learn to enjoy what life has to give, you'll just regret it later on. Being happy will help with all this.

>>37608513
>>37608710
I didnt go to either one of my graduations, fuck that.

Does the summer heat make anyone else angry and depressed easier? I wish it was winter or fall weather year round.

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>>37608513
>Fuck I remember that. Sitting in a suit and then these bullshit heat-trapping robes in 90-degree fucking weather for hours on end watching person after person you can't give half a fuck about walk 20'. I couldn't even not go, the VP threatened anyone who didn't attend. Said he'd keep your diploma from you if you didn't walk. Bastard.
I just didn't go. Came a week later to pick it up from the office, gave the principal some bullshit excuse and went on my way. Got some 500 Euro stipend for good grades and shit, I guess.

>>37608761
Well all my life chapters have been shit so far
Its shit, shit, shit, oh I wonder what comes next... Hey it's shit!
Also I have no clue how to learn to enjoy it

>>37608789
>I wish it was winter or fall weather year round.
Dream world

>>37608827
Original pic of that is from a tv show from my country I used to watch when I was a kid kek

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>>37608513
its not an hero anymore..

>>37608943
>Original pic of that is from a tv show from my country I used to watch when I was a kid kek
Yeah, the thing's shown all around Europe as far as I know.

>>37608943
>Its shit, shit, shit, oh I wonder what comes next... Hey it's shit!
Do you live with your parents? My life improved so much after I got my own place.

>>37608943

What are some steps you plan to make it better?

>>37609044
>I got my own place.

You know you're single when you shit with the door open and don't even think about it anymore.

Sad fucking shit.

>>37609076
Im married and I still shit with the door open.

Oh yeah its me but I forgot the name. Not that it matters.

>>37609044
>>37609057
Same answer for both

I'm going to college in a few months and I cant fucking wait to move out, I really hope it will help
Other than that I don't know, I might try to find some band that's looking for a drummer. That could be fun

i can't be normal around people. i can't make friends and exist in social environments like work. i can't just exist

>>37609102

That's because you don't care about others.

Back. Hi Facet and Atlas, missed you not really

>>37609207
Nice to see you too, you tsundere motherfucker

What book are you reading now?

Everyone.

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>>37609279
The Iliad

>tfw forgetting everything you read seconds after reading it

>>37609342
i'm actually reading the odyssey

>>37609279
I'm not sure what to read next. My favourite book is probably Junky but I don't think it's one to read with someone else. Same for Lolita really. Not many different voices to do or anything.

>>37609247
Baka, it's not like I like you or anything. I actually don't

>>37609279
Critic of pure reason, Theory on social justice, and Moby dick
I'm actually reading 'L'histoire d'un blanc' and some other hard sci fi book that I'm too lazy to reach to read the title.

>>37609395

I read Moby-Dick three times. I wrote my thesis on it.

>>37609447
In honour of your thesis:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpoAcXu65TM

>>37600377
No gf, no friends, trouble talking to people, I think mother only pretends to like me, cynical of people, can't hold on to people, future looks empty, cry at nights when I think about me life.

>>37609279
Not reading anything now but I read a great book a while ago.

It's called Matka/Mother and it was written as a theathre play by one of the greatest writers of our country (Karel Capek)

It's about mother of five sons which all achieve great things in life but most die doing so and she sort of talks to their ghosts about their deaths.

Her husband died in war, one son in experimental plane, other while curing diseases in some third world county, two died in civil war on both sides and shes angry and sad because they left her and they try to explain to her that their deaths had meaning and it's nothing to be sad about.
It's all about looking on it from both points of view, her sons are happy they died doing in name of science or freedom and other but she cares only about the fact that theyll never come back home to her

It ends with a dilemma when their country is attacted and the last and youngest son wants to go fight and die with honor as his brothers but the mother doesnt want to let him go because shes scared of losing the last person she loves

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>>37602331
I feel ya. I truly do.

>>37609618
Sounds really interesting, Atlas. Never heard of it before but I'd see it. I've performed a little Kafka in the past and this reminds me of that.

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>>37609766
I've read Kafka too but he was a very strange person and so was his work
I've read Metamorphosis and it was wtf all the way to the end

>>37609118
Itll help. Having your own space helps.

>>37609163
My lack of empathy is related to me shitting with the door open?

>>37609279
The Sirens of Titan is my favorite book and you should all read it. Not reading anything currently.

>>37609618
>Karel Capek

Great writer. At War With The Newts is a fantastic book.) l

>>37609935
>favorite book isn't the fall of camus
kys

>>37609935
Sirens of Titan was not bad at all. Really enjoyed it but that was about 15 years ago so I hardly remember it.

>>37609950
Glad someone knows him here, his work is really great

Well guys im about to go to sleep so good night everyone or whatever it is where you live.
See you here tomorrow I hope

>>37610188
Have a good one fella

>>37609000
What do you mean?
>>37609279
>reading
Fuck. I haven't sat down to read in forever. Jim fucking Butcher better get off his ass and finish book 16 already.
>>37610188
See you around Atlas.

>>37610369
>Jim fucking Butcher better get off his ass and finish book 16 already.

Fuck those books are some of my absolute favorite. Read them at the same time as my dad did all through high school, it was good bonding shit. We're the only readers in my family. Good memories.

>>37610440
They're fun. Codex was slightly more serious, didn't have the humor element. But were still fun in their own way.

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I'm lonley.
I feel empty all the time and it doesn't seem to get any better.
I want death that doesn't appear to be coming.
I wish i can go back to nothingness.

>>37611017
Go to the doctor's, try to get some SSRIs or similar to alleviate your symptoms. That's only a stopgap however: the real work is getting therapy.

I'm lonely and interested in watching twitch girls for relief

>>37611685
You orbiters are the worst gamers alive.

>tfw tomorrow doing laundry and eating cinnamon rolls

I'm excited that I might go to a bar for the first time tomorrow night. There are a few not to far from my University. Not sure about what I'll wear yet, considering burgundy pants, black quarter-zip, and grey shoes. I got kicked out of my gym locker so I might have problems with storing my shit. Hopefully I meet a girl that makes me feel good. I'll desperately want to fuck her, she'll tease me, but I'll ultimately turn her away as she won't be as beautiful as my darling Kaitlin who I imagine to be waiting for me to get home for summer break.

>>37611849

I don't play video games, I just want a girl to sit with

>>37610672
Havent tried them, cant imagine a book written by him without the humor. Thats one of the highlights.


I have so much anger and want to slit my wrists, god fucking dammit. I have that anger knot in my stomach all the time. I think everyone left the thread anyway. Maybe see you tomorrow.

I was placed on suicide watch at my school because the one person i felt i could confide with was a little bitch and told. I'm not allowed to be alone anymore and I'm being out on therapy that I don't want.

>>37612788
>somebody legitimately cares about me and wants me to be alive
>what a little bitch, I hate them
Kill yourself already

>>37612820
I didnt want it to be such a big deal. My mom was literally sobbing. And i specifically asked this person to keep it all quiet.

>>37612316
are you the guy that killed some guys on the highway?

yo guys haven't been around for a while. Things went pretty alright in my life today, met a couple of cool guys today and got their numbers they are also into the same hobbies as me. I had nice heart to heart chat with 2-3 people today, I really like doing that.
I still feel like shit though, why do I always feel like shit even when things go right?