Crushing sensation of being defeated by myself

Same. I used pot as a way to forget about it but it doesn't work for long. I definitely blame myself, I had multiple opportunities and I squandered them all. Now I feel like I don't deserve to succeed

>>37595702
I understand the not deserving stuff. I don't feel much like not deserving... it's more like a lack of motivation for even trying because if I somehow "make it" now it would only mean moving the goalposts. Even if i do something significant, why didn't I do it 5-10 years ago so I could use the effort I'm making now to get even further?
The pot was something that had, for about 2 years, the power to take me away from problems... then I found out my dealer was putting small quantities of crack in it. Now real pot feels like alcohol free beer or diet coke. I can't even get high without feeling empty.

dunno OP

but I'm on a real fast track to getting kicked out of college again so if you've got any preventative advice I'd love to hear it

Too smart to be a wagie
Too dumb to be a successful person

>>37596496
feel a lot like it, but recently have been more like "too lazy to be a wagie"
>>37596458
Oh well, depends on your degree... if it isn't anything useless like liberal arts then stop browsing right now and go study enough to not get kicked. Better said than done though, I won't blame you for not being able to save yourself.
If you're in the US or Canada you should really consider bulking up and taking the necessary measures to learn and get a permit to operate heavy machinery, or learn anything that would land you a job in construction. If you lived where I live you'd be baffled at how much construction workers make (comparatively) in good countries.

>>37596575
I'm mech. E, end of junior year, US. It might actually be too late to save myself at this point; if I get a gpa below 2.25 then I'm kicked out for two years (second offense). Not sure what my grades are (I never check) but they can't be great. Finals are next week so I just have to study like you say. I have no idea how to make myself study though.

At any rate, right now what I need to do is sleep, and then get up early and start working. It's so easy to be motivated at night. Good luck.

>>37596745
Good luck dude, yours is a good degree. Try cafeine, paying a dude to slap you if you don't study, or some shit like that.

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>>37595583
Honestly anon despite what the sad sacks around here just looking to confirm their own views tell you, it's never too late to still improve, a few years ago I had a full ride scholarship to a nice uni, then I failed and burned out and became a neet for a short while and tumbled through depression knowing everything was my own fault, before eventually picking myself up and finally accepting that things would never get better if I didn't make them. I'm not going to say I'm successful yet but I no longer feel like shit about myself all the time, the key for me was to start setting goals, a big one that I know will take a while to achieve and then small ones to keep me busy on a day to day basis.

You didn't elaborate much on you're situation but for example maybe start with your big goal being getting a small entry level job or just putting your toe into the wagecuck waters and your small goal being working out, learning coding or improving on a hobby on a consistent basis (shit like this is important once you start establishing routines you'll learn to manage your laziness in other areas). Then once you've got those marked off move on to enrolling in community college or something. The key is just to always look forward and always be working towards something, then when you fail don't stop, but use it as a learning a lesson on the way to your goal while you replan.