Schizos unite

You should try reading Stepphenwolf. I feel like I'm losing my mind and reality is fuckin strange around me and I resonated with that book a lot.
I'm working on learning to accept all the suffering so that I can see that every second of hapiness and sadness in my life already exist inside me in full.

>>37538225
>Stepphenwolf
I've read Siddhartha before. It's going on my list.

>>37538280
I love Siddhartha, but Steppenwolf was just easier to relate to considering I have more in common with a lonely old man than an indian priest.
I can't say I know exactly how you feel since that'd be wrong, but I feel like there's a tornado going on inside my heart and head, and I'm walking towards insanity ever second I let it continue.
I don't have a hard life, I'm lonely but I have a job and support myself. I've got friends and family but inside I still feel like I'm not satisfied, like I want to just hurry up and either get fixed or lose it so that I don't have to endure this anymore.
I hope that's similar to what you feel. Not many people know what I mean, not that I've ever vocalized any of this anyway.

>>37538151
>Does this even make sense lmao.
Gave it away tbqh sempai

>>37538362
I have more of a problem that I don't understand shit. I can barely manage to show up to work because I am too in my head.
At times I am outright happy, however I find it hard to find a point in existing. Like, what the fuck is the truth to reality? Is god, is it aliums or is it just motherfucking mother nature that made all this real? But that's not everything. How does all this have an impact on my own life and why is it so hard to understand the nature of reality. What if life is all just a big meme? I want out of this ride because I can't find a definitive answer as everybody follows their own philosophy. This is making me feel so insane in the head. What is real, dude and what is my role in this whole thing?

But, yeah, I can totally relate to what you said.
At some points I was pretty stable but I feel like it is getting worse the older I get.

I just want this to be over. I want to be a normal fucking dude.

Please just shoot me, maybe I have better luck in the next life

>>37538453
Wtf are you talking about? It's hilarious in a really sad way. That I can't make sense of my own existence.

you seem to be normal for a schizo

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>>37538502
Thanks I guess. All things considered I am doing quite well thanks to medication, however I am feeling this mental unrest that makes me just want to eat a bullet.

>>37538151
Life (and all of existence) is a joke we're playing on ourself, but not a malicious one.

>>37538151
>>37538556
Also, I can explain my whole personal philosophy, but it's a lot, so I'll only do it if you want me to.

>>37538471
Really does it matter if it's real or not?

It could be were all unconcious in a wasteland experiencing our lives through time perception accelerated dreams in our own heads or were just fragments of some master conciousness that we all return to when we die, or it could be just that reality is solid and there and so are we until we die. Either way you've gotta play with the cards you've got, you've no cosmic power to shape what you see, you've just got earth and people. I used to be concerned about what was going on behind the scenes, but eventually I just accepted that I'll know when I die and I want to pursue to truths I can reach here while I still can.

>>37538589
Only if you have nothing better to do. I am just curious how other people think of life.

>>37538614
In the bigger picture I guess it doesn't matter unless we can directly control it.
The problem I have is how I fit into this whole thing. I've had existential problems for a long while and I never could make sense of being here and being what and who I am. Makes me want to crawl up a wall because no matter how I twist and turn it I can't seem to make sense of it.

I feel so messed up in the head that I just want to vanish.

You seem interesting, OP. You remind me of me.
Pls add me on discord so we can talk? Robotic#5027

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>>37538664
I've never really thought about where I 'fit', I'm just going where ever life takes me and trying to learn shit on the way. I don't that there's anywhere anyone fits in, there aren't seats assigned to everyone at the start of class, you just handle what you've got.
I do feel like you should look for purpose, but you can make that on your own too with enough force.
My thoughts are scrambled and hard to put into words, and I'm sorry I can't help more but just try and change how you see the world. Don't look at it like you need to find a place to be or fit, but like a river you ride. Sometimes you want to go somewhere so you paddle left or right trying to reach it, and you may make it or miss it but either way you still have to move with the current till the end.
Sounds like fortune cookie nonsense but it helps me sometimes.

>>37538772
How does discord even work? Robotic#5027 what do I do with that?

>>37538787
>Sounds like fortune cookie nonsense but it helps me sometimes.

That's the important part I feel. Good that you found something to live by which helps you.

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>>37538151
Hi there fellow schizo! I'm diagnosed with it too.

I mainly got hyper "religious" delusions and hallus when I'm psychotic, and trying to figure the truth out ever since. Spent years on trying to integrate the experience of psychosis into my life and build up a new view of the world, trying to make sense out of it. Isolated myself from society and spent about seven years as a Neet.

But I'm kinda done with that now. Well it is a life long process, but I'm not doing it all the time anymore. I've got back into life, back to work, back to my friends.

I've read many good books in that time of solitude, Steppenwolf and Siddhartha being one of them too, I can also recommend the works of Jung if you want to dive deep into analyzing your shit.

I think, because I for the longest time felt like you, that you just need more time to sort things out for you. Most schizos with such an extraordinary experience of psychosis, do. Reserve about ten years of time to get it done and to really get over it and to move on with life.

But don't just see it as an illness, see it as an opportunity to grow as a person.

>>37538544
yeah, my brother is a schizo too and he complained about brain fog when on medication
now he's decided he doesn't like medication and he just has psychotic breakdowns every third day where he blames the person phyiscally closest to him for everything that's went wrong in his life, he just invents lies and he believes them, and god help you if you try and say that to him
he also has a massive ego and is insufferable
godspeed op, i wish you the best of luck but you and i both know it is futile.

>>37538151
>I have no idea what, how and when to do it. Whatever it may be.
fucking this

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>>37538837
>godspeed op, i wish you the best of luck
Thank you

> it is futile
Now exactly what I wanted to hear lol

>>37538825
>see it as an opportunity to grow as a person
I'd like to believe I have grown so much.
I used to be a real beta bitch when I was in my teens.

I'm not anymore. My balls dropped I guess. I understand things I have not before, so I hope that this now too is just a phase.

Every phase of being ill in the head is just a learning experience, I think. Or at least I should treat it that way. I can only learn more about myself.

However this doesn't stop me from feeling lost and fucking confused.

I might not be what peak performance looks like unlike most normans, but I feel at least through having to deal with that shit that I can learn something from it, even if it's just a way to cope.

>>37538805
Just download it and search that user to start a convo with them. It's pretty straight forward after you download it.

I'm a schizo as well, your post was funnily rather synchronistic with my thought process, meaning I saw your post a second after I had thought regarding schizos coming together.


My life is so full of synchronistic events and complex hidden meanings. The thing is that I learned to control it.

I had my psychosis 3 years ago and it was quite a long story but I'm glad I had it, I still have to deal with some fears but I see them as what they are now and I would say I'm almost completly able to control them.

Sadly the space here doesn't really suffice for me to explain my view on things but I'm rather happy, euphoric even I would say.

My entire life has become such a "spiritual" experience due to my psychosis and I'm quite happy with it.

The thing is that you're never going to find any outside truth about reality. Every perception of reality is a manmade perception. The real truth doesn't lie within the perception itself but rather in the mechanism involved. Reality is not something intangible and mechanic but rather something that you are a part of and it is alive ot some degree. Although not in the sense we deem as alive.

This is not /x/ though and I don't feel like spending the next hour or so writing about this.
If anyone wants to I may posts regarding reality that I've saved.

>>37538916
I think, given that you take your meds daily and stick with it, not only will you learn to cope over the years, but will also turn out wiser than most normies because of it, if nothing else.

From my experience the feeling of being lost and confused is really just a phase, at least it was this way with me. I'm not saying I'm having all the answers to the big questions you seek now, but you will find your own way of being grounded in a profound way I think, if you just keep asking those questions, read good literature like you do, and keep moving forward.

>>37538940
I only used the webinterface. thanks

>>37538980
Not OP but I'd be very interested in you writings. Maybe paste them in a pastebin and post the link on here. This way you don't have to create this much posts, but I'm eager to know how much your findings about reality overlap with my own.

>>37539113
>>37538980

OP here. I am interested as well

>>37538980
Your post gave me a weird impression that I liked and seemed a little familiar to me. Cool views.

>>37539113
>>37539135
>>37539158
Oh well, here are some that are written decently enough. Some may be a lot older though.

I don't really like sharing my thoughts like this but I'm too lazy for writing right now


https://pastebin.com/5VUt3Nsf

>>37538980
>>37539135

I'm this anon:
>>37538825
>>37539010

A few days ago I created a discord for guys over at x who are interested to talk about the nature of reality and such, and had extraordinary experiences like psychosis. Most people that joined are just really into dropping shrooms though or into meditation.

discord fkzXtsw

If you feel like it, please join. I think talking about this experience and not just talking about it in solitude really helps with integrating it into your life and is an important step in recovery but also in spiritual growth. I also think it would be interesting to hear your thoughts about the nature of reality and such.

I also created a little word press for writings just like this: >>37538980 but so far no one came forward who wanted to post something on it. Well it was only a few days ago and just an experiment to see if anyone would join, but I think it would be neat to have a space to talk about interesting topics like this. Anyways, if you feel like it, please join the fun.

>>37539477
>discord fkzXtsw

What do I do with this? I tried pasting fkzXtsw into the browser but it doesn't give me any results lol

>>37539553
nvm this lololol

>>37539553
you need to paste .gg/ in between, then it will work. couldn't post the whole address because of spam protection on here.

>>37538151
I don't think I'm schizophrenic but I'm becoming aware of my own mental decay and need to start cataloging it.
I feel a tremendous need for human interaction and love support but my feelings of paranoia intensify more every year. I have cultivated a group of friends since I was very young, I love these guys to death and cannot imagine a life without them, but I'm in a state of near-constant fear now that they don't actually like me and find me a nuisance. This feeling extends to everyone but my parents, who I think just quietly regard me as a disappointment even when they praise me. There are times now that I am deliberately rude and standoffish to my friends because I feel like it is the only way I can retain some level of control in my mind, that being overly friendly makes me too weak and vulnerable. I find myself in a conflicted state where I fear even talking to them because it may stoke their disdain even further, but if they already disdain me, why should I be hesitating?

I can't make sense of people anymore and my mood is swinging almost every day now. I feel the highest of hopes and excitement for the future one day and within an hour of waking up the next I'm stuck in a state of despair and only see loneliness and decay ahead. Nothing interests me anymore, I am too anxious about my life to enjoy my hobbies anymore. I don't know how to break out of this hell or how to gauge anybody's true feelings, I feel like I will never get a girlfriend because I can barely trust and believe in friends I've known for two decades.
Anytime my brother is watching some show or my parents are talking downstairs, and I can just barely hear the whispers on the wind but nothing more, I immediately assume they are talking about how much of a failure I am. Even if I walk over and confirm it isn't the case, the thought haunts me for hours afterwards. This all feels like a paradox, to feel so insignificant yet also believe everybody around me devotes time to hate me.

>see thread
>too burnt out to post

>>37538151
Sorry anon but it was a TLDR for me.
I'm a schizo as well, and I feel lost too.
Do you want to talk?

>>37540230
>Do you want to talk?
Yeah why the heck not. Contact info?

>>37540263
post your skype and I'll add you.
Too paranoid to post my own

>>37540294
>using skype
join dot skype dot com slash m7zuEQlkOg75

You're asking the wrong questions. You shouldn't be asking what your 'Purpose' in life is, but whether you are enjoying life more than you are suffering.
If you are suffering more, you should act on it, If your morals about suffering are that not feeling anything is just as good as enjoying yourself (rather that suffering), then commit suicide.
The important thing is that you should make the decisions, and not let anyone else influence it unless you needed someone else to make a decision

>>37541422
Making decisions is a hard thing for me.
I'd be glad if somebody else made the decisions for me at least that way it's not my responsibility should something go wrong

>>37541486
so are you saying you find it hard to discern what is enjoyable/hurtful in your life? Or it's more likely you find it hard to know what decisions you have and how to carry them out

>>37541551
>find it hard to know what decisions you have and how to carry them out
This.

I wish somebody else would just make all the hard decisions for me. I don't feel qualified to manage my own life.