I have a loaded gun pointed at my head and my finger on the trigger.

obligatory dont do it anon

oregano why?

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obligatory "livestream it" reply

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>>37529608
My life has been nothing but a train of hurt and sadness. I've lost so much and gained so little and now I'm losing even more. I just can't take it anymore. I want to die. I hate life. I hate it so much.

but actually you don't

>>37529569
this is the part where you get reassured that there are people who care about you, I'm here if you want to talk

>>37529569
Don't forget the note.

>>37529633
what did you lose friend

>>37529633
I've lost a lot and i'm afraid of more loss. lost my dad, the woman i loved, lost her love with her betrayal. lost another love. if anything i want to keep my life bc it is in danger

Scared faggot?

>>37529633
How old are you?

Have you ever sought treatment for mental illness like depression? Your brain could be distorting your thoughts in a way that is impossible to combat.

>>37529677
be happy that you've experienced a woman and love before, friend.

some never even get that.

>>37529569
Typing with one hand huh? Isn't that a bit tedious?

dont lol xd

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>>37529682
21. And I have. But lucky me, it's worse than depression. PTSD. And it's literally ruining my life. I can't function like a normal human being.

>>37529659
My youth. My best friend. My parents love. And now a warm bed to sleep in. I just want it all to end. I can't take this anymore.

>>37529722
>youth
you're 21. im 30. you havent lost your youth
>parents love
one of mine is dead
>warm bed to sleep in
go back to a relatives place
>ptsd
my brother has that from some fucked up shit. what happened to you?

>>37529722
do you want to talk?
this is now an original post

sorry man. i hope you find peace somehow

>>37529722
>My parents love.
even on this board, i doubt you did anything irredeemable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nJkQROLCQ

watch this in its entirety please and let me know what you think

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>>37529748
I mean my youth, youth. I was bullied my entire life. I never had a childhood at all. I just knew everyone hate me and everyone in charge did the equivalent of telling me to go fuck myself (until someone called the cops, then all of a sudden they cared for like a week).

It's no war trauma or anything like that. But my best friend hung herself when I was 12 (her being 11). Needless to say this scarred me pretty damn deep. And it just won't heal. Been in therapy for fucking years. It just never improves. It never gets better.

I have none in my state. And with the money I have I won't make it to where they live. Not that they'd accept me anyone. I came out and my parents kicked me out. Grandparents hold the same opinion, no doubt they've told them

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lmao bye Anon

See you tomorrow

>>37529823
>I came out and my parents kicked me out.
american? this is fairly common, there are a number of shelters for people who go through this. why not give one a call?

>>37529823
people make brash decisions in the moment. remember, your parents love you. if you can make it back and tell them that you need them, i'm sure they'll accept you.

hilarious I'm laughing hard that's nice op

>>37529823
>parents kicked you out
tell them you want to be healed or made straight. not that you do, but shit man, why would you tell them anyway? I dont tell my family i like to see women suck off horses
>friend killed herself
kids do stupid shit all the time. an 11 year old probably doesnt understand the permanence of death
>shitty life
me too. i was always bullied. most of us here on r9k were. it gets better though, trust me. the bullies end up losers. just dont do something stupid and get hiv

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>>37529569
I feel you. I want to end it all too.

Life is like being trapped in a long, narrow, dark corridor. The only way to move is forward. You can't stop for too long because the path behind you keeps disappearing and if you fall there's only nothingness.

But it's pointless to keep on walking as well. You'll walk the same hallway in the same direction for years just so you don't fall. What makes it even worse is that after spending all of those years forcing yourself to the end, you know all that's waiting is a wall. Once you reach it the floor completely disappears and you fall anyway. So why not just pull the cord running along the wall to make the floor disappear in an instant? Surely it can't be worse than putting up with this misery of walking forward only to have the same outcome either way.

>>37529922
>the bullies end up losers
>don't worry anon you'll be their boss someday!

please stop spreading this meme. That's how life works. The chads who picked on you in High School are going to be the management at whatever place you work at.

>>37529975
nah. im 30. yea, ive seen em managers at mcdonalds

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>>37529869
No, they don't love me. And good ridence, I hate them back. I was living their only because there was no other place to go.

>>37529867
That's what I'm looking for now but even so... I'm out of hope. Say I find one? Then what? What's left for me after that? The street?

>>37529922
I can't. One they would never believe me, at least not so soon. And two I'm never going to go back on this. It's about time they learned and even if I die the blood will be on their hands.

And I did. I saw her hanging there... I don't really want to go into it because it hurts my head to think about.

I just can't bear it any longer. Every slight insult is like a bullet against a pane of glass to me. It destroys me inside. Eventually it just breaks you.
>>37529924
But the corridor just keeps thinning. No matter how much I try to squeeze through it just keeps tightening. I'm out of hope. I just can't fight any longer.

>>37530005
you sound like you just want to get even with your parents

>>37529569
I got in a blowout fight with my mom tonight. We are pissed at each other.

First time in a long time that Ive thought about suicide. Cried for hours when I got back to my flat.

I want to pull the trigger to finally be done, and not be in pain. and also because I want her last memory of me to be her telling me that I'm a bad son.

Let her stew for the next 40 years or so.

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>>37530005
I overheard my oneitis talking shit about me the other day. It shattered me. I've been bullied and rejected all of my life but to have the love of your life say it and show no remorse is truly, truly devastating.

I would tell you that "things get better" but I really don't think that they do. I will join you soon you are not alone in this.
See you in the great unknown OP.

I feel you, I was there myself. Pretty soon I woke up in the hospital, I had OD'D on many hardcore drugs, like cocaine. All I remember is lying there thinking "why did I do this?" Don't do it, please try to find hope in even the smallest things. If I can't change your mind, I hope someone will.

>>37530005
>That's what I'm looking for now but even so... I'm out of hope. Say I find one? Then what? What's left for me after that? The street?
just go *somewhere* away from your shitty family and see for yourself. what do you have to lose at this point, really? you could at least meet others like you who may have some direction.

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>>37530005
>I just can't fight any longer

Yes you can anon. You just have to keep going no matter what. I can't possibly understand all your circumstances but you're not alone during your walk.

I've come to just accept it. Most of the days I can get by with just a content numbness. The crippling suicidal despair doesn't come as often anymore.

>>37530071
No. It's much more than that. It's certainly part of it I won't deny. But a lot of it has to do with my memories. I just can't bare the weight of my trauma anymore, it's crushing me inside and out. I have nightmares all the dam time. God forbid I see a rope and go through a hissy fit. It makes the world a terrifying place.

>>37530101
I look forward to seeing you there. I think this time it really is the end for me. A lot of times I can work my way out of it but this time... it's over.

>>37530098
My parents never loved me. They just gave me money to shut me up. Every time a legitimate grievance was mentioned my dad would literally bribe me as an apology. I hate his damn guts.

>>37530181
Goodbye anon.
Find peace in whatever's after
I might join you there soon

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>>37530130
I can't! Every night I see here there! Hanging from the damn ceiling! My one and only light in the world! She helped me from all the bullies, she was my only friend in a sea of hatred! Now she's gone... I just can't make it without her. I have no one, I have nothing. I want to see her again. Just one more time.

Goodbye Anon, I hope you have a smooth ride

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>>37530181
Godspeed anon.
No Fear.
I will join you in just a few days.

>>37530181
youre 21. in a few years things will not be about your parents

>>37529569
how long did it take you to type that with one hand?

Dubs says you'll do it

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>>37530223
Then just keep telling yourself you can't while moving forward. Eventually those feelings are going to fade. Life is just a meme anyway

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The deeper you fall into the abyss the harder it can seem to claw yourself out. But the light is always closer than it looks and every time you stumble and fall it's not only and opportunity to claw back up but to build yourself stronger and wiser than before.

Whatever your choice I wish you well, Anon.

28 year old here, been through hell too but seriously, don't any of you dumb young motherfuckers pull this shit. It's the most illogical shit ever don't let your emotions get this out of hand. Get on some damn meds and talk to someone about what you want out of life. Set small goals. 99.9 times out of 100 you'll be fine just give it more time. Look at fucking eggman if you need inspiration

Dubs and you pull the trigger twice

>>37530223
Dude she would probably really regret doing that and would not want you to do the same. Get a hold of yourself man

just do it, the sad reality is that you had to come to an anonymous site to post your feelings. that shows you have no one you really trust, so no one will really miss you just do it kid it'll be fast

Oh no I tried opening up to my dad but instead he gave me money to talk to someone who can actually help but instead I'd rather make them suffer because I'm an attention seeking whore. Learn some empathy and perspective you pathetic cunt fucking christ we don't need your sad genes in the pool

>>37530408
of course they came here, why would someone ideate about suicide to people they know (who would then throw them in a psych ward)

we've all been there op

you just have to take a small step to distract yourself and get some sense of progress. plenty of people are willing to help, just pick one and dial the phone

>>37530448
listen if this kid has a "gun" to his head, he should be in a psych ward. If suicide is that tempting then he needs professional help and he would plead to someone who can actually do something instead of trying to get false support to make up for his "lack of love"

>>37529569
so you're typing with one hand you stupid fuck?

>muh depression thread #39957775
>such a cool hobby

>>37530495
psych wards don't help at all. Literally just slightly comfier prisons to get the problem people away from society.

>>37530495
>listen if this kid has a "gun" to his head, he should be in a psych ward
i'm talking about their motivation to come here, not the "objectively right decision"

what you think they should do has absolutely nothing to do with their decision on who they reach out to.

>>37529569
>enter thread expecting some stupid kid using metaphors
>it's some stupid kid using metaphors
every damn time. none of you know what a real problem looks like.

>lost muh friend 10 years ago what do i do blloooo bloooooo

>>37530312
Also things get better as you get older, your emotions will be more stable. You'll be making money. Girls are easier to get. People get friendlier, etc. You forget about the past and look forward to more important things

>>37530528
i love psych wards
bring a book or two and take a sweet vacation
order tendies or hot dogs for every meal
nice nurses feel sorry for you and give you xanax, its the only reason i havent killed myself many times in the past and now my medicine is actually finally working and im feeling a lot less suicidal

>>37530528
oh I'm sorry I didn't realize I was talking to one of you special people. Have you ever been to one? They do plenty of screenings to see if it's psychological or a chemical imbalance. it's not to "gather up the problem sheep in one place" it's actually meant to help.

>>37530567
please enlighten us to what 'real' problems are.

You're just going to be using the same fucking argument as kids in Africa are starving and so you shouldn't feel bad.

>>37530558
he's just looking for attention stop being so soft on everyone

These dubs will surely prevent you.

>>37530637
not him but everyone has their own problems however people need to learn coping methods not just turn to the internet they need something positive

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> finger on the trigger. I want to pull it. I just want to end it all.

but wait gotta pass this captcha guys XD

>>37530645
so are (You) by edgeposting on an anonymous message board

>>37530645
Perhaps we are the only ones who would understand his feelings?
I know this is just a Cambodian utter-milking forum but it doesn't make this community of depressives, suicidals and social outcasts any less real.

>>37530673
i'm just sick of pussies

I think he may have done it lads...

>>37530701
i wonder what it felt like

>>37530701
I guess we'll never know. I wonder how many people on this site who made these threads have actually done it.

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>>37530741
RIP

Quick and painless I hope.

Farewell...

>>37530637
kids in africa are starving and you shouldn't feel bad XD

anyone and everyone feels bad. melodramatic 13 year olds going on 21 still acting like they are in a school play just to get some cheap attention aren't feeling bad, they are mostly just bored as fuck. let me guess what this fag does all day: entertain himself. no hard as fuck job, no family to take responsibility for, no serious addiction he's overcoming, no debilitating medical condition. he's got "PTSD" as his big shot hot shot concern, the shit that fat girls say they have about magazine covers.

i can respect normal, introspective whining and venting, with or without the serious challenges in life. i'm bitching too here, we're all on r9k.

i can't respect some dipshit who feels sorry for himself enough to write a load of "suicidal" poetry to a bunch of strangers clearly hoping for validation. if you're going to be fake, go all out and just roleplay. at least then you'll give someone else entertainment, instead of making people think they are witnessing someone's last moments.

>>37530774
It seemed legit but you never know.

In any case he seemed like a real lad. Goodbye OP, I hope you find happiness in the hereafter...

>>37530777
Into the fires of hell his soul will reside

I think he did it, goodbye Anon, I hope you find peace

>>37530810.
If there is a Hell we are all going there faggot.

Honestly. Everything comes to an end anon. Things were hard for me when my father died. Things were hard when my daughter died a month later. Things were hard when my wife committed suicide a couple months later. Things were hard when I lost my house and my job. But just remember that the pain always comes to an end anon. If not now then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then next week. Nothing lasts forever anon.

RIP in peace, OP. I can only assume you're laying in a pool of your own blood with a pair of soiled pants by now. Hope it didn't suck.

>>37530181
i'm actually in the same boat as you, i thought things where going to get better once i finished my studies, i fell for all the memes when i was 20 (got fit, finished a STEM) but at the end i was still a 5"7 manlet with a 3/10 face at best.

one of my friends committed sudoku a month ago and the other one became a normie and got a gf so he didn't need me anymore.

I'm now 26 and have no job, live in a broken home (mother cheated on my dad with one of her co-workers), i'm a kisless handholdless virgin in a shitty latino 3rd world country with sluts for women

4 years ago i would have told you to have hope, but now i'm not sure if it ever changes for us anon, if you do suicide maybe we'll find each other real soon.

May the afterlife (if any) bring you something good at least

>>37530834
For all you know his problems are/were exponentially worse than those which you described.
I feel for you but it seems like OP lost everything and didn't have much going for him in the future.

RIP

>>37530839
>mfw probably more poop than blood

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How are you posting in this thread if your parents have kicked you out?

>>37530857
It's Nature.
It is what it is.

>>37530900
he was full of shit. lots of stinky poop

>>37529569
Anon, I will not try to talk you out of it.
Instead, I ask you, if you're going to go out, go out in style.
Go remove some criminals and die in the shootout. Go fight ISIS or hell, fight for ISIS.

Never kill yourself in the most pussy way possible. Die doing something you've always wanted to do, but didn't due to the risk of dying

>>37530101
Coming from experience, as pretty much the exact same situation Happened to me years ago, it only gets worse.

My confidence (the little I had) has been completely shot since then. I was also constantly bullied, and she was kind of nice to me (literally the only girl who was). I know it's my fault for thinking I might be redeemable or someone might actually like me, but it hurt none the less. To make it worse, she later called me a loser to my face, in front of her friends (popular girl, had a lot of them).

Things don't get better. But as someone who failed two suicide attempts (both by overdose), don't do it. Life sucks, but I've learned to just do my thing, knowing I'll be forever alone. I just work, go to school, and play videogames. That's all my life is and all it'll be.

Who Knows, maybe one day one of us might win the lottery.

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RIP OP

Life is shit.

>>37529569
>doing what the normies want
terrible idea

>>37530223
Killing yourself won't let you see her again.
Live your life for both you and her, and if you can't do it for yourself, do it for her. She clearly cared about you, since she stuck up to the bullies. I doubt she wanted to hurt you, and (not that believe in such a thing) I doubt she wants you to kill yourself.

She'd be sad, Anon. Don't make her cry.

And you're not alone, you have all us losers and your friend looking down from above

leshialebauf.jpg

>>37530312
What's the story on eggman? Kinda new (2 years) here

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>>37530936
Yeah, but I don't want to prolong my suffering.
It was extremely humiliating to have that happen to me yet, I don't think I will ever be content with being a lonely wagecuck who sits around with regret.
I can't do it.
To have that one girl who you love do that to you is beyond evil. I don't intend to live much longer but I will hold out just a few days to see where fate leads me...

>>37529569
If I had an access to a loaded gun, I'd kill myself several times already. Just do it, you fucking faggot.

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Goodbye OP.

Thanks for the response.

See you there...

>>37529569
I'm sorry for all the pain you've gone through. If you did it, I hope you finally found peace OP.

>>37530999
just holding out shows strength, I don't know why or how I keep going on but I just do. I hope one day we all can learn to accept our lives.

>>37531432
Only thing he found was the lead lodged in his left anterior lobe

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>>37529569
Suffer with us OP

Good job, hope the rest of you fucks follow his example.

The amount of normies in this thread is disgusting. This board has gotten so bad...

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>>37530495
>>37530495
I point guns to my sometimes not much anymore. Used to do it more frequently especially drunk. To pussy to pull it. I'm generally ok now I guess suicide just always ,seems like a sensible option sometimes.
Married and work in law enforcement btw full functioning member of society.
Sometimes that's just the way it be.

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>>37529569
Don't do it until after I've finished my coffee, wagie.

>>37529898
Obligatory Reddit user Lenny face

>>37530223
I actually came here to lurk, see your problems, see how I can learn from it, I'm a very old soul and I use this place to slowly learn how to be a modern human, so let me give you a few lifetimes of advice

your gonna see her again, not when you die, but when you come back, 5 min from now, or 200 years, if your meant to be friends, they will be there. and when you get there whats gonna happen? sooner or later death will peel you apart again, so live with the time you have, make a difference, fight for suicide prevention, better the world, because she is coming back, so are you, you wouldn't want her to die the same way would you?

>>37529569
Maybe if you stopped downloading female anime characters to use as an avatar, and stopped being a colossal faggot and manned up, you would actually manage to make something nice out of the situation your own ignorance has put yourself in.

The more I scroll down and see your gay use of anime avatars, the more pathetic and less of a man you look to me and anyone else unfortunate to see your piece of shit thread on the catalog.

Stop being so degenerate. Stop trying to come off as feminine. Stop failing your parents. Stop making excuses. Stop decaying.

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>>37529569
There's objectively nothing wrong with doing it. If you're here, you probably don't have a significant other or any friends and you probably aren't very close to your family, so mourning won't be much of a problem. I doubt you have any sort of actual career or business to leave behind. The act itself is ridiculously easy to do, and there are many methods where you'll experience little to no pain at all. The only downside I can think of is if you're religious and believe you'll go to hell. Otherwise, it'll just be like sleeping forever and never having to deal with stress, anxiety or heartbreak again. If you're going to do it, just fucking do it. If not, stop pretending to be on the edge for (You)'s and comfort from strangers.

OP you are throwing away your chance at a life of fulfillment and peace if you end it all at such young age. 21 is not that old and you only get one life. Life can have so many wonderful things in it, so don't you want to see a few?

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I legit don't get how people can be suicidal. Life is amazing, being able to see all kinds of shit happen every day, new video games and TV shows, and the ability to go out and effect the world. Like being able to go to free speech rallies or something and see yourself in videos on the news, that kind of continuity is awesome.

>>37529569
Bye faggit

Just do it you unoriginal faggot.

You want your suffering to end, but you don't really want to die. You wouldn't make this thread otherwise. Do you see zero prospects? Perhaps it's time you had a watershed moment in your life. Leave your current surroundings, force yourself to get fit, and prepare for the coming race war.