Psychological Issues Thread

My friend went to see a counselor and said she sometimes feels so mad she wishes she could kill someone. The counselor reported her to the police and she was barred from working for three weeks, because she works with select agents.

Why are counselors such tools? I was thinking of going to one but now I don't want to give them any business.

>>37489897
I'm sorry to hear that, sounds like total shit. I've never heard of something like that happening honestly. What part of the world are you from?

>>37490071
The US. Unfortunately our counselors are total shit because of our country's broken university system, where grade inflation has made a master's degree accessible to even total dunces.

>>37490103
That does sound frustrating. I suppose you can't really trust them despite all the noise they make about patient confidentiality. Your friend should pursue her for loss of earnings.

>>37490297
Your friend should pursue her for loss of earnings.

Who has the time for that? We're PhD students. It wouldn't be worth it and besides that the course would side with the counselor. After all it's her word against a crazy person's.

I just wish they would at least stop pretending they're smart, as if they studied a real science, as of they don't have one of the easiest jobs ever invented.

What a fucking sham.

>>37490375
I always thought they could report you to the police and the interested person only if you express direct hate/death threats toward a specific person, not for something like "i'm so mad i could kill someone". I'm really sorry for your friend. Why do you thought to go to a counselor? Maybe talking here could help you, or simply letting out some rage against the world

>>37490375
Admittedly it likely would be too time-consuming to take that route. However, what with all the safe space bullshit going on over there lately I'm pretty sure if you cried discrimination then you could kick up quite a storm for this person. They bend over backwards to be considered progressive, after all.

>>37490461
I thought about going to a counselor because I have anger issues and stress from overwork. But honestly I think the healthy thing would be to keep to my daily routine of 40 minutes of exercise and 40 minutes of mindfulness meditation. A counselor would not help with any of that.

>>37490489
If it's working for you, i too don't see the point going to a counselor, but i'm by no means an expert, if not the opposite. The only thing i can say to you is to search help if things go worse/you feel like you cannot control your anger and stress as you usually do.

>>37490461
>I always thought they could report you to the police and the interested person only if you express direct hate/death threats toward a specific person, not for something like "i'm so mad i could kill someone".
That's how it's supposed to be, but since counselors are generally not very smart or serious about their jobs, the rules aren't enforced as strictly as say, among doctors and lawyers (not to say that their systems are perfect but there's clearly a difference in how hard they work.

>>37490576
>The only thing i can say to you is to search help if things go worse/you feel like you cannot control your anger and stress as you usually do.
Wow, great insight there, Alfred Adler.

See this is what I'm talking about. No respect for the craft, just canned advice. How much time to these retards even spend honing their skills? I come in to the lab every fucking day and then in my free time I work on my coding skills, because I have an actual career and am passionate about my vocation. These pseuds half-ass their way through their toilet paper degrees and expect to be treated with respect? Fuck them. Seriously, it's not fair.

>>37489835
>5. Don't feed Atlas for fuck's sake, he's a burden on the state at this point

Atlas, the world-bearer, is now a burden on the state. Funny.

Reporting in. I have enormous amounts of work to go through, so I won't be very present but I'm here. In case.

>>37490639
What i meant was "actually do it, don't be a faggot who is afraid to talk". If I offended you, i'm sorry, as you say is canned advice, but i don't really know what else to say.
As for the fairness, i think that like everything there are some counselors that are actually passionate about their job and can actually help people, the main problem is the amount of retarded one that do more damage than anything, with no real way to find out which one they are except in the hard way.

>>37490825
Feeling any better today Nick? You seemed to be going pretty nuclear yesterday

>>37490848
>"actually do it, don't be a faggot who is afraid to talk"
I'm not afraid to talk, I'm just completely loathe to the idea of helping to prop up a sham profession.

>there are some counselors that are actually passionate about their job and can actually help people, the main problem is the amount of retarded one that do more damage than anything, with no real way to find out which one they are except in the hard way.
You can say the same of chiropractors and other purveyors of snake oil. This whole "it's all a wash, most professions are respectable and challenging in their own way!" attitude is so ridiculous. Some trades are just shams, and some trades are just for pseuds, that's how it is and how it always will be.

>>37490891

I'm going to go nuclear just as easily today.

I must have over 15 hours of work to complete between today and tomorrow. And I don't give a fuck if it's not done. Superiors already know that I stopped giving a fuck about much, because I told one of them.

In other news, I'm 99% certain I will study again to get a new job opportunity. I'll probably also buy a home gym, but no bullshit, just barbell material with a pullup bar on top and safety bars, so I can work out alone. And also a new computer. That's this summer's program.

What about you?

>completely failed at school, relationships, professional life, living on my own, social connections, and just about everything else I've put an earnest attempt into

I'm not even mad anymore, just disappointed that my best wasn't even close to the mark.

>>37491108

Maybe your methodology needs some work. You can do all of these things. You just need a good teacher and some practice.

>>37491166
Possibly but I'm pretty self sabotaging in addition to severe chronic depression over the past seven or eight years now. Did the whole anti deps and had an okay therapist that I never trusted enough to talk about the real serious stuff in high school before dropping out twice. I got it into my head that I was going to stop and try to live a 'happy normal life' and everything fell apart much worse. Now I've got concerns about potential personality disorder or even schizo brain.

>>37491295

OK, I see.

Give me these:

- example of how you sabotage yourself
- example of what your depression does to you
- symptoms you have, physicall and mentally

>>37491020
Going to keep shilling for those dumbells:

http://www.aworkoutroutine.com/dumbbells-vs-barbells/

tl;dr: Dumbells are excellent for stability and better when it comes to balance and injury prevention. You might not lift quite as heavy but that's to do with each arm having to work as hard. Anyway it comes down to preference in the end but personally I don't like barbells outside of a Smith machine. Especially if you don't have a spotter it's a good deal safer too.

As you can see, particularly useful for me because one shoulder is somewhat messed up.

It sucks to hear that work isn't going as well as it could be. However the additional study sounds like a good call.

I'm alright, feeling pretty good. I woke up somewhat hung over but make positive choices since turning a bit of a corner with the depression. Namely:

>Didn't eat any junk food last night
>Didn't buy a fried sandwich this morning as is customary when hung over, opting instead for cereal
>Read through the notes the others left for me to find
>Read back over the thread and chat logs
So you see, I'm confronting those sources of dread and trying to be more responsible.

Least useful to most useful:

>Counselor
No qualifications required. I feel bad for saying this because some are genuinely trying to help you but good intentions and lending an ear are not enough. We need advice.

>Therapist
Usually more experience with actual mental illnesses and can dish out advice that is true is most cases, but it's pretty generic.

>Psychiatry
Obviously being a doctor with a license satisfies the credentials retirement but they are usually very cold and clinical: they're basically reading out symptoms and will prescribe you meds if the symptoms fall under a named illness. Medication is not always the answer.

>Psychologist/psychoanalyst
They really get to the root of the problem and will try to fix it rather than just dosing you up with sedatives so it looks like you're doing better.

>>37491387
Look any exercise is good but if you're serious about it how the hell are you supposed to work out legs with dumbbells? You can't squat or deadlift more than maybe 60kg which is a joke.

>>37491497
It's a fair point but personally I prefer a leg press machine. Had a bar in the garage growing up but I'd much rather go down the gym myself.

>>37491387
>Going to keep shilling for those dumbells:

Here we go. And it takes two b's. Dumb bells.
>>37491387
>Dumbells are excellent for stability

So is a bar bell. That will depend on the exercise. Being forced to stabilise on your own makes the body works more muscles, that's why free weights are superior to machines. A barbell also needs stabilising just the same, and the greater weight you can lift with it means more muscles being trained more efficiently.

>better when it comes to balance and injury prevention.

Untrue. Lifting is one of the safest sports if you aren't a fuckhead and know what you're doing. Barbell with safety bars is very safe to practice, more so than dumbbells, though, again, you have to really be retarded to endanger yourself while lifting.

>You might not lift quite as heavy but that's to do with each arm having to work as hard.

One of the few advantages of DB is that both arms work alone, so it's good for muscular balance, but once you have it, you can go back to barbells.

>Anyway it comes down to preference in the end but personally I don't like barbells outside of a Smith machine.

A smith machine is Satan.

> Especially if you don't have a spotter it's a good deal safer too.

Buy a power rack, it has all the safety required.

>So you see, I'm confronting those sources of dread and trying to be more responsible.

Excellent.

>>37491417

Psychoanalyst is just a therapist who ascribes to psychoanalysis.

A psychologist isn't always a therapist, as he can work for marketing companies too.

You're a bit confused in your categories. A psychiatrist can be a therapist too. Not every mental health professional does therapy, but those who do are therapists.

The most useful will depend on what your problem is. If your problem is a brain fart that needs medication, a psychiatrist will be best, but for other issues, a therapist will be more helpful.

The individual in question will make the whole difference, however.

>>37491527

Just use barbell stuff at the gym.

>>37491314
Hoo boy, want my life story while we're at it? Anyways, the depression comes in cycles of actively feeling the lowest I've ever felt and periods of numbness where I can only regret not dying years ago. I distinctly remember that at age 14 things were bad enough that if they hadn't improved by age 20 I was going to bail on life, it's been two and a half years since that arbitrary age and I'm still kicking it however. I have spent a large portion of my life not exactly living for the future you know? Depersonalization and disassociation run deep but I think it's a reaction to my situation rather than a direct cause. Schizo symptoms are 'mild' but concerningly observable, hallucinations are vague and easily missed, delusions I usually see through quickly enough, I do have pretty fucked up speech and thought patterns along with weird and eccentric behavior. Psychotic episodes have been self contained but it feels like being high and out of control, been lucky enough to avoid hospitalization or getting tossed in a mental ward. Haven't said a thing to professionals other than a soft version of my depression and getting ADHD meds.

>>37491578
Everything you said is correct. I'm simply listing titles that you see when looking for any kind of help as an individual with mental problems. If someone calls themselves a (clinical) psychologist they might work in law/marketing but within the context of helping patients they're still a psychologist even if they're offering therapy.

These titles are protected here and mean very specific things.

>>37491606
>Haven't said a thing to professionals other than a soft version of my depression and getting ADHD meds.

You experience hallucinations. No matter how "mild" you think that is, you need to tell your doctor about it. Hallucinations and some of the other symptoms won't be cured by mere talk therapy, you need medication for this.

How exactly do you hope to be helped appropriately if you hide things from your doctors?

You need to tell them everything or they won't be able to diagnose your actual problems. Don't make this worse than it is by not complying.

>>37491606

I also note that you didn't respond to my questions.

I assume this means you'd rather not continue this conversation. I hope my advice was helpful.

>>37491606
I'd also like to note that there's been plenty of hard times and bad decisions, best friend died suddenly at 17, I'm prone to drug abuse but not addiction because I kept it sporadic and varies. Of my three jobs two fires me and one I walked out of on two separate occasions because I somehow got a second chance. Literally just moved back in with my parents for the third time, they're good people and they only know what I've told professionals. Schizo symptoms got worse when I tried to stop smoking cigarettes and went through and extremely stressful period in my life just recently.

>>37491732
>>37491745
Sorry, it's a lot for me to try and go over and parse in my head. Not seeking help has been a combination of not trusting people, not believing that help will truly do much to salvage my situation, and honestly trying to keep my parents from being worried about me. I saw my general care provider about getting them sweet sweet adhere meds again and on the one month follow up I intend to raise concerns about things as my life has obviously been spiraling for years. Also trying to order information in a way that's useful for you without breaking the text limit

>>37491838

Tell me:

- why did you get fired
- how do you sabotage yourself
- what happens when you socialise

>>37491858
Getting fired was a result of not caring about jobs that didn't pay me enough to survive in a poverty state and increasing resentment for terrible bosses, the self sabotage manifests as me actively choosing not to do things I clearly need to do in a healthy productive life, even though I'm aware of what the consequences are. My social interactions are purely based on common ground in escapism, vidya as a kid and drugs & alcohol as a teenager and beyond. I've never even come close to anything romantic in my life.

>>37491973

You're not precise enough, I wonder if that's by design or if you really don't understand my question. I'll show you what I expect from you:

"Why did you get fired?"

"Because I fucked up an order for a client 12 times in a row."

I want something completely precise, not a general description of what the fuck up is according to you.

I'm not asking you for excuses, I'm not judging you on getting fired, I want to know what the reason was for your getting fired twice. I still want to know.

Same deal with the rest, you're abstract. I want concrete examples, not generalities.

One more time:

- the exact reasons you got fired twice
- the exact things you don't do which you think you should do which constitute sabotage

>>37492028
First time I was an actual cook at a new place downtown, had raised an issue with the 'general manager' once that the morning people were leaving literal shitshows for the other people to deal with and the 'kitchen manager' who held more rank than the GM who was also besties with the owner flipped his shit thinking I was trying to go over his head. In reality he was just an imposing guy to approach. Either way three or four months later I just get up and told 'laid off due to a lack of available work' when I went to check my schedule one day. There was no other issue or complaint that they had ever told me about so I can only make assumptions there. The other time in property management I was acting as a part time office/labor goon and I was having troubles focusing and on a couple occasions stated that I really didn't care for the physical labor side of things and a couple times had problems getting my hours recorded properly, which was an understandable reason to let me go. With specifics on sabotage it's little things like not forcing myself to brush my teeth or care for hygiene, not doing homework or studying for tests, doing drugs and consuming alcohol instead of beneficial hobbies, not working hard enough and never caring about most things at all. One time I got a love letter from a chubby religious girl and all I could do was ignore it. It's a difficult thing to point out specifically when it feels like my whole life has been spent making the wrong decisions and almost trying to be miserable as if to give justification to the sheer levels of despair and apathy I deal with.

sup all

i couple of days ago i spent several hours watching a guru talk about life and just about everything. it was pretty interesting stuff.

"stop decorating your problems, if you decorate them to much you might not want to get rid of them"

i've been thinking about this since then. it's absolutely true in my case. i have no idea what to talk about if not issues. i dont know what i would do if i didnt have my pursuit of happiness. i spend my day thinking about how shit i feel or fantasizing about sex.
if i would magically wake up tomorrow with no trace of psychological issues and a girl to bone i wouldnt know what to do with the remaining 15 hours of that day. i would just be empty. and that alone would be enough to drive someone a little crazy.

i want new things to think about and new goals!

>>37492268
>not forcing myself to brush my teeth or care for hygiene

How often do you brush and wash?

>>37493137
I shower every 1-2 days because of grease and sweat but brushing happens like once a month and laundry happens about as often as that. I've avoided tooth and gum problems so far but that only lasts so long.

>>37493188
>brushing happens like once a month

Dude. No.

You're supposed to brush 3 times a day, you know that?

How do you NOT brush in the morning to remove morning breath on top of just brushing your damn teeth? It's not hard to do, it takes a minute.

Also, all the shit on your teeth will be bad for you as you ingest that shit throughout the day. Don't be a retard, brush your fucking teeth. Also immediately go see a dentist.

What the HELL is the reason for brushing once a month only???

How wonderful, another day i couldn't manage to do absolutely anything i should have done, another day i'll regret tomorrow

>>37493486

What were you trying to do?

>>37493274
As mentioned I've had more than a couple issues caring and putting effort in, even over something that painfully easy and simple. Went to the dentist a couple weeks ago and it was fine other than a tiny cavity I got filled on the outside of a back molar, I've had two other similar ones but have avoided gum disease and tooth decay surprisingly well so far, but yes I'm well aware that it's a serious problem with a simple solution. I've also always had problems with eating and weight, but a relatively active lifestyle and modicum of self control has kept me from ever going human blob. I weigh 265 but only have a pot belly and double chin hidden behind a beard.

>>37493564

Friend, you keep dodging my questions. Is this on purpose?

I ask again: why don't you brush every morning at least? What's the reason?

>>37493507
Simply studying, i've got a pretty big exam in 2/3 week, all i could manage to do so far is starring blankly at the book and my notes.
It's infuriating, i know if i don't stop with this self pity/depression that's preventing me to study i will never be able to graduate and start the job i like, but i cannot escape this circle. It's like a positive feedback: i randomly get depressed/bored/stop caring, i study less, i get more depressed, i study even less. It's the second (probably third) exam i face like this, and it 's not getting any better

>>37491578
>Psychoanalyst is just a therapist who ascribes to psychoanalysis.
These are 99% of psychologists where I live. Highest number of psychologist per capita in the world, all retards.
But I'm pretty messed up I think. Is it worth it to go see someone?

Also, hi guys, how are you doing?

>>37493678
Take it easy. I'm dealing with the same. I just sit down with the material and fuck around until I get bored of the internet and can spare 2-3 minutes to write something down. In time those few minutes grow

>>37493678

Take your books and material and go to a caf[e]. Order some coffee or else and just sit amongst your people, the humies. There'll be nothing else to do but to study.

>>37493733
>These are 99% of psychologists where I live.

Then please move the fuck out. Please let me know which shithole this is.

It's worth going to see someone, but find someone from another school of psychology, like Carl Rogers for instance, that'd do you better.

>>37493631
I've always been indirect and stoic, talking about myself is a rare occurrence because I don't even like to think about myself. I can't even give you a specific reason because I've never thought about why I don't do the basic things every human should do on a daily basis. It could be deep seated self hatred and self destructive tendencies, general uncaring apathy, a carry over from childhood because I had troubles with it even then, combinations of those and then some, I just don't know man.

>talking to random guy at bar last night
>suddenly he says "woah there you're just receding into the corner while we've been talking, I'll catch you later"
>realize that I've been slowly backing away from him the whole time into the corner
Why can't I just be like other people

>>37493800
>talking about myself is a rare occurrence because I don't even like to think about myself.

Both are a big problem.

Introspection is absolutely necessary to therapy. You must instantly start digging shit up.

Now, think about brushing your teeth and tell me what comes up as a reason not to go do it.

Even better, if you can, go brush your teeth and analyse every thought that comes up about that deed. And fucking do it, and keep track of your thoughts. Then come back and report on these thoughts, with good breath.

Socialising will be easier when speaking with you doesn't smell like a face-off with an angry butthole.

>>37493789
>Please let me know which shithole this is.

Welcome to Buenos Aires: https://qz.com/734450/almost-everyone-in-buenos-aires-is-in-therapy/


>>37493893
Disclaimer: I don't know what I'm talking about.
I've made introspection easier on me when I started praying. I am not sure I can call myself a believer, but talking to someone who supposedly knows everything helps me talk to myself and in not the usual "I hate myself" kind of way (since I feel like I should be greatful about a bunch of things out of my control)

>>37494037
>I've made introspection easier on me when I started praying.

Then keep doing it. Talk back and forth, analyse things, ask questions, find answers. Do the work. Most of therapy consists in bringing issues to consciousness and understanding what is going on.

Now go do it.

Archives for those who want to do some reading.

Psychological Issues Archives

1 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35498409/
2 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35521806/
3 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35541735/
4 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35547290/
5 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35567230/
6 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35668421/
7 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35689780/
8 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35716442/
9 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35740738/
10 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35763440/
11 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35777773/
12 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35803625/
13 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35835561/
14 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35855848/
15 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35876435/
16 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35882457/
17 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35906378/
18 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35926221/
19 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35945942/
20 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35971403/
21 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35994443/
22 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36019645/
23 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36040635/
24 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36089774/
25 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36093480/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36108068/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36132647/ I misnumbered
27 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36158561/
28 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36183284/
29 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36210653/
30 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36244000/

31 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36259571/
32 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36284773/
33 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36294613/
34 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36315834/
35 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36347338/
36 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36362980/
37 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36376102/
38 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36394647/
39 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36414900/
Bar Session - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36425918/
40 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36441841/
41 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36464463/
42 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36497331/
43 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36520550/
44 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36546008/
45 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36566894/
46 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36593662/
47 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36620323/
Bar Session - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36644294/
48 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36664702/
49 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36697612/
50 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36721283/
51 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36745035/
52 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36773599/
53 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36794358/
54 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36814374/
55 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36842342/

56 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36869693/
57 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36889638/
58 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36917996/
59 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36947320/
60 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36967412/
61 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36987179/
62 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37015031/
63 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37040728/
64 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37085943/
65 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37105759/
66 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37130800/
Psychological Support - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37154739/
Psychological Support - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37171552/
67 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37198958/
68 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37220653/
69 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37239171/
70 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37270112/

I didn't keep track of the non-official threads since 70.

>>37493801
What were you talking about?

>>37494138
>>37494144
>>37494153
I hope I'm never that insane.

>>37493765
>>37493763
I tried, unfortunately i basically have to memorize a bunch of stuff (like, a lot of drugs, how are they used, etc) and having people around me makes it difficult, i used to repeat aloud in order to memorize, but i get anxious about what other people might think of me. I know they don't care, but deep i feel like i'm judged and i should stop.
I just want to go back the way i used to be, first and second year of university i even had good grades, now everything feels like shit

>>37494167
>I hope I'm never that insane.

I hope you'll one day be this dedicated, diligent, and disciplined.

>>37493893
Now that my breath is nice and minty I can say that I didn't feel anything at all, no negative reaction but I didn't feel any better for doing it. I suppose I could go on to say that I don't feel particularly good or bad about any of the beneficial or negative things I do. It's probably been a huge hinderance in getting better because it's difficult to work for a better life if your efforts don't have an immediate tangible effect even if it is a serious worthwhile improvement to make.

>>37494037
Never believed in anything, but I'm not particularly concerned about 'big picture' spiritual stuff or questions about my existence or even what happens after you die. Non existence sounds nicer than an afterlife anyways.

>>37494182

Use earphones. Repeating out loud will make you sound crazy, yes. Avoid this.

Force yourself to only 10 minutes of work. Chances are, once the minutes are gone, you'll want to continue and not stop right there and then.

Go do it.

>>37494182
Actually, if i had to summarize everything, my main issue is that i worry too much about what people think about me, overtinking what they could think about me.

>>37494244

I asked you to analyse your thoughts, not your feelings.

Friend, there's a pattern with you: you never ever just simply do what I ask you, you always answer beside the point with a lot of secondary info. It's not bad or anything, but I wonder if you are aware of this quirk of yours or not.

So, what were your thoughts during the process?

>>37494244
>Never believed in anything, but I'm not particularly concerned about 'big picture' spiritual stuff or questions about my existence or even what happens after you die. Non existence sounds nicer than an afterlife anyways.

A year ago I'd 100% agree. I'm still not sure about anything, but I don't really pray to God about big stuff. Just some "thanks for friends who keep having my back despite me being shit" or "give me strength to not give up when dealing with such and such".

I even tried going to mass some weeks ago. Lasted about a quarter of it and left. Its just not what I look for in spirituality.

>>37494256

Your problem is that what people think matters to you. That's not its own problem, it comes from something else, and that's what you must find now.

This wouldn't happen if you were secure with who you are and didn't need someone else's approval to feel good. I'm in the same shit boat, I'm not judging you.

Best I managed to do right now is not to care about what anyone thinks at all, but that's not positive.

Tell me about your parents.

>>37494245
It'getting late were i live, but i'll try anyways.

>>37494283
It's probably my fucked up thought and speech patterns, once my brain is on a tangent I start thinking and responding to wherever it wanders. Speaking with me in person is probably about as exciting as talking to a brick wall because I basically only speak in response to something else prompting me. I'll admit that I was thinking about our conversation and my feelings more than the actual act of brushing. I just ran on auto pilot and made sure to hit the different surfaces, not sure what else to say about it honestly. Also remembered that flossing before hand is also important for what that's worth.

>>37494308
I'm gay and super in the closet, not even my best fried know about it because i'm afraid our friendship will change and not for the best. Now that i said it, i also feel like shit because i knows it will never bother about it, and it looks like i'm underestimating how much he cares for me. Nonetheless, i'm afraid of letting people know it
My parents are pretty normal, i've got a strong bond with my mother and she kinda knows about my problem but not how bad they are. I don't really want to overburden her because she's suffering form anxiety and i want to support her
I'm not super close with my father, mostly because we deal with things in a different matter, but we get along fine. I've got a pretty normale childhood

>>37490825
Hey Nick glad you came by. I'm just stopping in to say I found something I actually enjoy, and that is running a /qst/. So I'll be there running for my (admittedly small) playerbase again today. Hope your work goes well.

>>37494474
>I'll admit that I was thinking about our conversation and my feelings more than the actual act of brushing.

No problem. I was curious about what you were thinking about during the process, it makes no difference what you were actually thinking about, it's good information all the same.

You need to turn off the autopilot. That's the main thing here. Focus on what you do, what you're thinking, etc. Do it all the time, practise. Brains are good for autopilot, but when there's too much, you don't live anymore.

It seems you were able to brush without a problem. Now do this every morning at the very least, also before bed if you can.

>>37494498
Good work on the /qst/ yesterday, I hope it continues to go well.

>>37494498

Sounds cool. Is that a quest? RPG stuff?

>>37494541

I'm quite out of the loop.

>>37494498
Oh I used to love the CYOA civ building quests when they where popular on /tg/. Has /qst/ been good enough?

>>37494541
>>37494542
Yeah its a quest, continuing it today. link here: >>>/qst/1531015
>>37494581
It is slow, but manageable.

>>37494528
Even if I force myself into that one singular daily improvement I've got a history of problems appearing or getting worse far faster than I could ever hope to deal with them. I've gotten the 'small steps' advice before but I feel like a train wreck of a person and get overwhelmed by trying to make tiny adjustments let alone addressing the serious problems I've only let fester over the years. I've long since lost hope of living anything resembling a happy normal life and resigned myself to misery and I do not believe I can get that hope and will to live back that I had lost as a child. Things were bad for me before anything particularly wrong happened to my life and then things got far worse than I could have imagined back then. A lack of violent impulse and knowing that my good family would be devastated hardly makes for a worthwhile list of reasons to continue existing but I've done so anyways.

I don't even know where to begin when I talk to my general care provider in a month but all I can remember is how my mom looked the first time I said yes when the first therapist I tried asked if I had ever considered hurting or offing myself back when I was 16. I know that I need to come to terms with my problems and get it out in the open but it's hard. Harder than just letting things get worse, at least.

>>37494837

Why are you so worried about what your family will think?

>>37494862
Because despite being a failure at every stage and turn of life they've always been compassionate and supportive. I've only ever felt like a disappointment and they still love me and even tell me that they're proud of me and it feels like getting punched in the gut every time I hear it. I've never managed to be a proper role model for my younger half brothers as well and that makes me feel like a dirtbag too. I just never wanted to be even more of a burden and a mess to them than I've already been for most of my life and now I'm going to have to tell them that I'm a total fuck up because I'm at a breaking point after the last eight or nine months of instability and barely making it every day.

>>37495067
>I've only ever felt like a disappointment

Who made you feel like a disappointment?

>even tell me that they're proud of me and it feels like getting punched in the gut every time I hear it.

Are you dead sure it's a good thing if it makes you feel this fucking bad?

When did your problems start? And how?

>>37489835
Just graduated high school and I don't know what to do. I've been so depressed this week Ive hardly eaten or moved. I'm done with those horrible high-school social circles, but I'm very afraid I'll turn into a 30 year old jobless virgin still living at moms. I feel like I can't connect with anyone, my friends become more distant each panning day. I'm so directionless and scared for the future.

Just too scared to accomplish anything in my life. I'm scared to learn any hobby because of fear of failure. I'm scared of the dating scene. I'm scared of anything pretty much, I don't know how it got to that point. I'm underachieving in every single aspect of my life.

>>37494308
Sidenote, why psychology is so fond of our parents? Genuinely curious, are they so important to understand were a problem came from even in a "normal" (as in, non abusive) family?

>>37495260

Do you value yourself on what you achieve?

Do you feel like you aren't inherently worth anything unless you do things?

>>37495294

Your parents, or whoever raises you, has a tremendous influence on your development, psychology-wise.

Imagine if someone worked on a project every day for for the first 3,650 days of said project, do you think it'd be influenced? Yes, of course. A child's mind is exposed to his parents' behaviour, words, nutrition, education, knowledge, or lack thereof, and everything else. The influence is enormous and if the parents are mentally ill to some degree, the child will most likely have to face this.

Babies won't develop normally if the parent can't give them what they need, and I don't mean just food, but also security and appropriate time together.

Failure to do so can cause problems such as object permanency, which will make the adult person less sure of the reality of his surroundings, for instance, or very anxious about people leaving and being out of sight for any superior length of time.

If a plant grows inside a tiny box, it'll be restrained by that box. Once you remove the box, the plant maintains the old shape. Therapy is about learning that you can grow now, and that there was a box there, it wasn't your fault.

>>37495340
I would say I do value myself on my ability to do things, I haven't encountered anybody who isn't that way. We're judged, in this society, by our accomplishments. So this adds further pressure. Not to add, my own upbringing who always let me know when I was in the wrong.

I feel 10000x bad because it's June 3rd and I have been in summer vacation since the beginning of May and I haven't got remotely close to my goals.

>>37495145
I'm disappointed in myself, and then I do disappointing things and feel even worse about myself. I'm aware it's a terrible cycle to keep myself in. And yeah it's probably a good thing that they've reacted to me they way they have because without them there's nothing that would hold me back if they had treated me like shit and actually told me that I was a disappointment for example. It's hard to pinpoint the start of it all, mom got divorced from bio dad when I was 2 and moved across the country, met and started dating my step dad shortly after getting a good career with the company he worked for since he was like 20 or something. He's a good guy and I never had a problem with him other than obviously never really relating to him or sharing interests, saw bio dad like twice when I was 7 and 10 and didn't think much of it, he's got a gf and a couple more half brothers since then I've never met on the other side of the country but I never felt attached to him either. As a young kid I was more or less normal but even then I remember being weird and getting into fights, mellowed out when I was 10-12 but then depression and the realization that I wasn't normal started at Jr. High and would later turn into seeking escapism in vidya and drugs by age 15 and first started anti deps and thereby, dropped out of high school first at age 16 and tried one of those 'alternative' schools for losers while dropping the help, dropped out again after my best friend died of a diabetic coma out of the blue. Things got far worse after that and I've been in unstable shitty employment since.

>>37495500

A normally raised person values himself on who they are, not what they do. I'm aware of what you're saying, but you have to realise that if you don't value yourself based on who you are, after having learned to do so from your parents, then everything you do is a fucking test of your worth, instead of a test of skill.

Your whole life becomes an exam on whether you're worth the air your breathe, and that's too much pressure to do anything well.

If nobod gave you self worth, you must do it yourself, as an adult. You must reach the point where failing doesn't take away any self-esteem, because you didn't risk your ego on a deed.

>>37495520

Were you angry at your natural father for abandoning you?

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>>37489835
>Chat with other crazies
Pic related

[spoilers]Couldn't find the "No, I'm normal" reaction pic.[/spoilers]

Also hi, the more I converse with people without deep problems, the more I realise the distance that kind of life and mine.

>>37495598
I sincerely do not believe so, if anything I feel a bit bad because I ignored that half of my family because they were so far away and I was conflicted about being in 'limbo' as a kid but I don't resent either parent for what happened and my earliest memories were after moving across the country. It was apparently a civil and polite divorce after they realized they made better friends than a married couple, I just happened to exist after they came to that conclusion. My problems are largely internalized though, it wasn't external factors or terrible childhood experiences or anything that fucked me up. I had a comfier childhood than the impoverished peers I had in school but we were never rich or anything.

>>37495712

Press CTRL + S.

Enjoy.

>>37495727
I fucking love you man. I really do. Which means I don't really feel it, but I'm grateful.

>>37495723

Why do you feel bad? You were a kid, it wasn't up to you to make an effort to see your father, it was his.

Had your childhood been as good as you think, you wouldn't suffer all these consequences now. Problems don't arise from nothing, and yours don't seem to be genetic in nature.

>>37495752

I knew you'd enjoy that stuff as much as I do.

Fuck yeah...

>>37495580
I get that, but to get some self-worth you need to accomplish things. If you fail at something, your feeling of self-worth doesn't appear. It's like a vicious cycle.

>>37495770
Now name me an easy way to find the reaction picture I need out of 600 of themplz will suk 4 free

>>37495788
>but to get some self-worth you need to accomplish things

In due time, but not to begin with. You are a person, you are lovable, like anyone else (or almost). Start small, but only go up.

>>37495758
I feel bad because I never made the effort to connect to any of them on that side and they used to send letters and photos every so often but I only ever responded once or twice and finally contact was simply dropped. A phone call when I was 14 was the last communication I had.

My childhood wasn't some Disney fantasy but it certainly wasn't the absolute shitshow some people manage to come out of unscathed and successful. I'm sure there are plenty of factors that attributed to my downfall but none of them seem specific enough to point fingers at and I only blame myself for not dealing with it. I walled myself off from the world and shut down when life started throwing punches.

>>37495897

You take way too much responsibility in what happened and you feel way too weak.

Obviously, you weren't raised in a way that made you able to live well, even if that's not obvious right now.

It's time to stop blaming yourself. It's not productive and won't lead anywhere, and you may be very wrong about it anyway.

What's your worst childhood memory?

>>37495422
How difficult in general is to discover what was the exact cause of the problem? I mean, i really appreciate what you are doing here, but i don't know what could my parents possibly have done that fucked me in the head, i don't even know what to look for because everything they have done seems normal.

>>37495994
This is me btw, forgot the name

>>37495994
>everything they have done seems normal.

Which is the same for most abused people. There's no perspective on parenting, for a child, since you generally only have the same parents.

To find out what the problem is, find out what the symptoms are and what they relate to.

Once I found out my symptoms were the same as war vets and abused children, I started questioning my past in a new light.

Make a list of your symptoms, with key words, something with very short entries, but as many as possible.

I'll tell you what I see.

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Anyone else here struggle to talk on the phone?
I'm 27 and I feel the same amount of anxiety talking on the phone as I go going on a roller coaster. I don't know why I'm so afraid of talking on the phone

>>37496076

Yes, me.

The reason is that you no longer have non-verbal cues to go by and it is very important to you to know exactly how the other person feels because if they feel bad because of you, you'll feel like a fucking piece of shit, even if you don't really like the person, even if the person is a total stranger.

I'm right, aren't I.

Come home, cook, go on r9k and watch people sending dick pictures to others, while spamming anime pictures.
Yep, sounds normal to me.

>>37496076
I did, until I realized nobody gave a fuck and that it's like talking to normal persons.
If you can't hold a conversation or have a hard time talking to people though, that might be more complicated.

Hey guys, it's been a while since i've been on one of these threads. How's everyone doing?

>>37495947
What do I start doing if not blaming myself? My poor choices can only ever be my own responsibility even if it wasn't my choice to be in a position to make bad decisions left and right. Can't remember specific childhood memories that strike me as the worst, I was 'that kid' occasionally and acted weird and I got some low key bullying on a couple occasions but really nothing terrible until age 13-14 when I realized that I didn't socialize or communicate well and school became more difficult and all of a sudden wanted to die. Might be some repressed earlier memories but I can't recall them. After that point I've got all kinds of bad memories and remember first being concerned about schizo related illness and personality disorders around 16-17 but after reading extreme accounts and descriptions didn't quite think it applied to me. I've since started to realize that whatever the cause I really don't function or think like a person should.

>>37496167
Tired from having to walk fast for an hour and a half at my job.
I realised as well that while others look like they have a rich internal life, nothing moves inside of me.
It "pained" me.

Whatchaboutyouthou?

>>37496205

Do you remember spending a lot of time talking with your parents when you were a kid?

Do you remember them showing keen interest in what you were doing, thinking, saying?

Do you remember hanging around your parents when you were both doing your own thing?

Do you remember being taken by either of your parents to go do something together?

Answer each in detail.

>>37496209
Kinda emotionally broken atm. The girl I loved kinda said that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. To make matters worse it was in public in front of a bunch of my friends

>>37496033
I really wasn't abuse. I was raised in a functional, middle class European family.
As for the symptoms: apathy, i'm losing interest in what i'm studying and my hobbies (i used to go to the gym, dropped out, paint, stopped, the only thing i still do is videogames and i feel guilty because i'm not studying enough), I find difficult to concentrate.
Generally overthinkg about what i do and, as i said, what people around me could possibly think. I cannot go one day without showering and go out, because i fear someone might notice and judge me.
Being gay and in the closet doesn't help, i tent to measure the way i act and speak because i don't want anyone to know
I underestimate myself, writing here is kinda difficult for me because i'm afraid my problem are not that important and i' wasting your time that you could use on someone helse.
Rarely I had suicidal thought, never actually done anything though

>>37496300

Is she fucking retarded? Why did she say that in public?

Was it a cheap trick to ensure you couldn't react the way you felt like?

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>>37496300
Ah fuck.
Here's a free picture for you

>>37496076
Personally I find difficult to initiate the conversation, like it's hard for me to call someone, but if they call and i manage to answer i'm fine

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Just did mdma yesterday in vain hopes of getting social at an event. didn't work. again.

Now Im drained as hell and even more depressed. What drugs do you guys recommend for sociability?

>>37496328
If there's a problem, it's a problem worth fixing. I'm bad at it though

>>37496333
>Is she fucking retarded?
Well with the autism i wouldn't say that's wrong...
You do remember me from, like, a week back right? Just wanna make sure we're on the same page

>>37496367
Jokes. They really do.

As for sociability, it's "just" a matter of watching others do what works, and applying it yourself.
>went from shy to being able to talk to anyone, no problem

>>37496397
I spent about three years as contactless, jobless, friendless neet. A few years before i was also very isolated. Now Im 23 and no social experience, i step out of the comfort zone to meet people and its just awkward moments all the time

>>37496328

Your problems are worth anyone else's provided they reduce your quality of life, and that's the case here. So rest easy: your problems are important.

Let's tackle the homo angle. Would you say your homosexuality makes you feel worthless and disappointing to others?

Who knows of your homosexuality?

>>37496380

I remember seeing your name in the thread, but specifics are gone.

>>37496397
>it's "just" a matter of watching others do what works, and applying it yourself.

It's not, unless you want to become my parents.

Understanding why people do what they do is more important than just parroting and mimicking.

For sociability, forget jokes, especially if you're awkward. What the fuck, man, jokes are amongst the trickiest thing to pull off. If someone ill at ease in social circles starts telling a joke, everyone braces because if it's not funny, it'll be painfully awkward.

Questions, you use questions. You ask people things and you listen to them. It works very well.

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>have problem blacking out when I drink too much
>I am nice friendly person
>queue 5 gin and tonics
>whenever I blackout I lose literally 4 to 5 hours I can't remeber anything
>turn into Mr. Hyde, flip personality, aggressive and mean to friends
>if one person is mean to me aka bouncer, go on a rampage and lash out at anybody around me
>texting friend that I like a lot while drunk, is having fun]
>blackout
>can't rmeeber anything I sent her, phone was stolen during blackout so can't read what I sent
>she won't talk to me anymore

fucking kill me, I knew that girl for 4 years, I loved her more than anybody else on the planet, and she can't even understand what I blackout is, I must of said things that really fucked her up, probably attacked her character and insecurities, I don't even understand how blackout me can even have enough direction and ability, or be conscious enough to tear someone apart with deep insecurities rather than just saying fuck you.

glad shes okay though, I'm just never messaging her again. and desu, she fucked me up emotionally so fuck her, jk I love her but still she fucked with my head and she knew it, guess thats why I went off on her while blacked out

>>37496510
Np one knows about it. It doesn't makes me feel worthless, i'm mostly afraid of the change in my life the coming out could have. Italy is also not the most supportive state (read: if you are gay you are ok, bit not so ok as the normal one)

>>37496461
You're already trying, so that makes you automatically better than a lot of people. And I can understand your weights, I was a NEET for two years too. Fortunately, I got to study someone really outgoing in highschool, and that helped me.

>>37496559
It was a synthetic approach to what I usually say. You get better at something you have no clue on how to do it, by looking at skillfull people.
Of course, applying it means you get a temporary phase where you try to understand how it could work. Until you get to try your own stuff.
We obviously have different experiences, but I'm sharing mine, or what worked for me.
And yeah, questions are important.

>>37496523
Well I talked about a girl that I love and that she was autistic. She said that she didn't have the same feelings for me, albeit she may not have been capable of having said feelings. Yet she also said that she didn't want me to leave her of lose my feelings for her. Recently she said to my face that she would be interesting in casually dating other guys, which obviously upset me a lot. When I asked her what happened to us she said that she didn't want the type of relationship that I wanted with her. I wanted a long term, committed relationship, and she didn't want that. She asked me to stop talking to her and told me "you have to move on. I'll force you to if I have to"

>>37496559
>Questions, use questions.
And then it turns into interview mode, I try to make it look like Im interested as much as possible but I always seem to come across as awkward

>>37496647

My Italian homo bro. I'm half Italian. My natural father was Italian. I've never met him.

So, no apparent abuse, no issues stemming from your homosexuality.

Now, make me that list of symptoms.

>>37496721
fuck her. move on and never talk to her again. if she misses you she will crawl back otherwise fuck her, shes dumb

>>37496721

Bitch sounds like a retarded slut. Question your taste in women and move on. Drop her like a spicy turd.

>>37496634
>>37496634
lol and here I am, sitting playing fucking online poker drunk again at 4:26. nothing else captures my attention anymore besides work

>>37496751
>And then it turns into interview mode,

Don't feel like you have to ask anything. Let people talk, let them ask you questions too.

>>37496267
Spent tons of time asking them questions about everything or just talking in general as a child, and I was paid plenty of attention when they were around to give it but they did have jobs and eventually young children to take care of. Around that same pivotal point in adolescence that I started having problems I was the one that distanced myself from them, started to hole myself up in my room and didn't say or ask anything unless they prompted me, they even approached me about it a few times and I just brushed it off. My entire life they went above and beyond when it came to doing fun family outings, game nights, eating meals together, vacations, movies, reading books with me, the whole lot. They even pressured me to be social and play sports and all that good shit but again I was the one that wanted to stop and shut down and they let me do that rather than try to force me into doing something I said I didn't want. They were also fair and just when it came to discipline and wouldn't let me get away with being a little shit but also wouldn't be overbearing jackasses that flip their shit or go overboard when a kid disobeys them.

I feel pretty good about my family and if they're guilty of anything it's not being hardasses that would have made me hate them for forcing me to live my life. By the time I was a teenager I had made it clear that I was the only one who was going to be making myself do anything and that was after years of my staunch resistance to their help.

>>37496760
>shes dumb
Don't you see, its the opposite. I don't want her to have to crawl back to me begging. I want her to be happy with me, and I know I'm capable of making her happy. I can't just simply move on. She occupied every thought on my mind, every second of the day I looked forward to seeing her.

>>37496835

Masturbate to Kylie Jenner and move on.

Play video games, watch movies, read scifi novels. Move on, my man. Move on.

>>37496783
I know that she didn't mean what she said, she probably just handled the situation poorly. I don't think that I can just move on so easily. She was so nice to me, what she did was obviously her having a rough day or not really knowing how to handle the situation. She was my best friend and more.

What drugs make people more happy? Normal prescription antidepressants, cocaine, LSD or weed? These are my choices

P.S. Dont give a shit if they make me into an addict if it makes me happy, have enough budget to fund it

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>>37496835
>I want her to be happy with me, and I know I'm capable of making her happy. I can't just simply move on. She occupied every thought on my mind, every second of the day I looked forward to seeing her.

I know exactly 100% what you mean.

I am
>>37496634
I have loved that girl and been friends with her for 4 years. I made her laugh she at one point hooked up with me. But she didn't want the relationship I wanted with her, she didn't love me the same way I loved her. She was playing me.

I feel exactly the same way you do. The more I think about it, she knows how I feel about her, if I remove myself from the situation and look at it emotionally unattached, I would say what she was doing to me is awful or that she can't understand what she is doing to me. Seeing her and laughing with her only to go home and be alone with her constantly on your mind no matter what you do to try to forget. Either way the answer is still the same, never to see her again, become depressed then move on. As sad as I am that I probably offended her and was mean to her, if it keeps her from talking to me again, it may have been a positive outcome because now I will forget about her

>>37496756
I thought i did, anyhow they are
-apathy
-loss of interest in what i used to like and what i must do
-difficulty to focus/concentrate
-random mood swing, but now i'm almost always sad/bored
-very rarely suicidal tough
-insomnia and i woke up more tired than i was, i try to sleep 7/8 our plus a nap in between the day, but it makes things worse
-not a symptoms but i do not use any substance, except coffee in minimal quantity

Physically, i'm ok. More tired than usual but i discovered i'm anemic and i known it can be a cause

>>37496905

You won't find happiness in medication. You feel how you feel for a reason, treating the symptom won't treat the disease.

>>37496957

Do this test for me.


https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>37496905
mdma, comedowns can put you down if you dont know how to deal with them

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I just feel like sharing some thoughts.

A friend of mine that knows about my problems told me that, from the outside, I was a person that was normal. Basically, no one could expect my blunted feelings, and the lack of reality behind my words that accompagnies the verb to feel.

The worst may really be that even if I reveal my problems, no on can really understand how it works. It seems that I've become a master at acting.

So not only I cannot reach others on a normal way, but when I try to do so and explain them my problems, they can't understand thankfully for them I'd say, and thus they won't change their perceptions of me. I actually had to repeat myself on my problems a couple of times to some people.

It is like I'm on my own. Even when something touches me as hard as it, others cannot relate. I'm alone. I'm alone and I cannot even feel bad about my situation.

Shit sucks.

>>37497163
It's called negative egocentrism. You need to avoid this BADLY. People don't people that complain about their own issues and they are probably shutting off what youre saying because they dont want to get infected with negativity

>>37496905
I've done all four choices and believe me when there isn't a happy pill out there, you can force comfort by wrapping your brain in orgasm blanket that is opiates but it's a situation that loses its comfort quickly. Lsd is interesting but not life changing, cocaine is awesome for 10 whole minutes at a time before it's the opposite of awesome, ecstasy is fun but it's a very artificially induced fun and you can easily rape your brain, and weed has been a vice of my choice for ages but it's a dead end road that does nothing but waste some time. Antidepressants can help people with hard work and therepy but never expect happiness to just show up and stick around.

>>37496905
I suggest mdma or acid. acid/mushrooms can be bad if you don't make yourself positive mindset for it

other drugs are fun but don't have the afterglow affects that these 2 do

I have been down the road of drugs trying to cure anxiety and depression, it leads down a bad path. no matter how much money you have. you have to come down to yourself sometime. no matter what you do. I've tried so hard to stop it but you always come back to baseline, or worse you need the drugs just to feel normal because tolerance builds so fast(adderall, heroin, xanax)

>>37496987
Idk if i can get mdma here, heroin might be an option tho

>>37497256
lol bro if you go down the road of heroin. goodluck. you are digging yourself a grave

>>37496981
https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/results/332a21e1-6a0a-430f-942d-8a3050934291.html

I was kinda expecting something like that because the symptoms of depression are therem. Still, seems worse than i imagine

>>37496967
I cant take it anymore man, im destroying myself more by staying this way. I cant treat it and no one can, maybe drugs might, its my only chance.

My mother wanted to weigh in on ther London attacks to remind me that 'Love trumps hate'. Good one.

>>37497242
dude i did mdma yesterday just to see if i could meet some people, i even did shrooms hours before to spice it up. only acted awkward and now with a fucking terrible comedown to boot.

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>>37497163
What is laughable is that sometimes I do get some feelings, something that is genuine, something that I used to have constantly back in the days.
But when it happens, it's so shocking, so raw, so... pure. I usually start breathing heavily, and have to calm myself as I push away the emotion.

The rest of the time I get to feel something once every other day, for a brief period of time (seconds to a couple of minutes), at an intensity so pitiful it'd be insulting to call that an emotion.

Life is tough without the same grid to understand others.

>>37497235
Even without using big words, no one enjoys negativity. Problems are kept to a close circle of people.
But I'm talking about that circle. My circle.

Why would I go about my problems to anyone all the time, not only it'd affect my ability to meet new people, but I don't want them to know about something rather secret about me.

Surely is something that feeds my view of the world.

>>37497287
Im digging myself a bigger hole by staying this way, its either drugs or gonna kill myself in the coming days, cant take it. I dont know how to stop being depressed, im at the end of my powers.

>>37497302
>>37497345
Drugs and suicide are the worse solutions. If you're going through hell, keep going.

>>37497306
yeah um

mdma is fun in small doses to meet people that aren't on it

otherwise yeah, you'll just be high and act awkward, let alone if you took fucking mushrooms. You don't take mushrooms to meet people.

next time take a small dose of mdma then drink water or 1 or 2 beers and talk to people. jesus christ. I too mdma and acid and tried to meet people and met a bunch just ended up being thaat guy at the party that was too fucking high but it was okat because so was everyone else

>>37496950
I mean, I've always been depressed and extremely suicidal. It's been even worse since she left, because she's always been there for me. Now that i have nobody to talk or vent to I just feel trapped. No other women seem worthwhile when compared to her. More than anything I just want her to love me like I love her.

>>37497299

Take this seriously. That alone warrants seeing someone.

>>37497302

Do you have any physical activity?

>>37497395
>No other women seem worthwhile when compared to her. More than anything I just want her to love me like I love her.

I know anon. I fucking know. But there is no way to make this happen other than not talking to them and if they realize that they made a mistake and come back that is all.

Man up. BEcause that exactly what I am doing so you have to as well

>>37497303

Why the fuck are you still talking to her?

Love Donald Trumps hate but not bombs; every time London is under attack, I fear for LO. The worst fucking town to go to. Goddamn.

It's time to tell your mom you want her to leave you alone because of the past. You need your freedom from both of your parents.

Cut them off.

>>37497302
If you think trying drugs will help you, go ahead and kill yourself now

>>37497398
Is there anything to do in the meantime? I also don't know if I can afford it, but that's another problem

>>37497407
Did sports in the past, only uni and playing the guitar, summer comes and if i make it so far i usually go swimming every other day in the summer.

>>37497446
Even i know i have to try something before i pull the trigger, drugs are just another thing.

>>37497425
What happened with you? I guess it might feel better to have someone else to go through this with. Because there's literally nobody for me to go to. She was it. I just feel so alone and i just want someone to love me.

>>37497458
>Is there anything to do in the meantime?

Any kind of physical activity will do a lot.

Watching movies, reading, anything to focus your mind on something else. That will help.

Focusing on all the options you have in your life and that you're in control.

Don't feel like everything is closed and you can't do anything.

Let me find something for everyone in the thread to have fun with.

Back in a second.

>>37497303
What means "Love trumps hate"?

I have bipolar 1 disorder (went full-on psychotic manic 4 years ago and got committed involuntarily).

Lately I've been feeling quite depressed about the prospect of being single for the rest of my life. I'm 27 and I know I can turn things around. I'm smart with a STEM degree, not particularly ugly, manlet though, but I'm capable of making friends and being social if I really try.

Women have been attracted to me before (not particularly attractive ones), but its at least reassuring I guess.

My mind is very polluted with intrusive negative thoughts. I'm trying real hard to just tough through them, but they are deceptive and relentless. The onslaught is warping me and causing me to believe in the negativity. I don't know what's true anymore.

>>37497544

What does "Love trumps hate" mean, you mean.

It means love wins over hate. Think of a trump card.

Does personality disorders count?

I can't feel emotions correctly. Its pretty nice to be honest.

>>37497723
>Does personality disorders count?

Like hell they do.

Dumping resources for keks.

Tests

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151123-how-dark-is-your-personality
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm
http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/stpd/stypal.php
https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html
http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151123-how-dark-is-your-personality
http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/
https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/
http://www.educateautism.com/infographics/sally-anne-test.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/seven_deadly_sins.html

>>37497552
Do you have contacts and friends right now?
How many girlfriends did you have?

Sup guys i just got diagnosed with not one, but five (5) disorders. They are

Attenuated psychosis syndrome
OCD
Depression
Social anxiety disorder
Generalized anxiety disorder

Anybody else here /psychosis/?

>>37497780
Got any last thoughts for me? I'm not expecting any miraculous ground breaking bit of information or advice that single handedly solves my problems in one fell swoop but it's been nice having what has easily been the most descriptive account of my character and problems in our conversation. I'm mostly just looking for a next step or how to even begin to approach the fact that I've been actively refusing professional help for some time now.

>>37497811
I have friends and family.
Never had a gf.

>>37497839
>Attenuated psychosis syndrome

Describe this for me, in detail.

>>37497874
>how to even begin to approach the fact that I've been actively refusing professional help for some time now.

Shame.

You work on your shame. There's a reason for it, and you didn't teach shame to yourself, so figure it out.

Read about it, use Google, look around, piece things together.

Most importantly, stop assuming you know. Things may be completely different from what you believe now.

>>37497903
Do you fear sometimes that people think you're gay?

Im 23 and never had a gf, im trying and putting myself in places but because i am more at ease at striking up conversation with guys, sometimes theres that nagging thought they might think im coming on to them

Who do you think the worst person who's ever been in these threads is?

>>37497566
In all honesty you're screwing with my mind by showing my mistakes. I have to force myself to correct myself before sending anything.

I associated trump with, well, the donald. I understand why I couldn't understand the sentence before Love Trump hate, the sentence makes no sense ha.

>>37497839
Somehow wish I could be diagnosed too. All I get are therapy sessions

>>37497947

I'm the opposite, I'm more at ease with women. Go figure.

>>37497963

It's the guy who raped two women. Easy.

>>37497965
>In all honesty you're screwing with my mind by showing my mistakes. I have to force myself to correct myself before sending anything.

I know, it's on purpose. It's a healthy reminder that you're not perfect, which should help deflate your blossoming narcissism, in which you think other people are inferior to you. This will make you feel isolated, so you need to stop it before it becomes so strong that you'd rather be alone than with people you think are inferior to you.

Nothing wrong with writing English correctly.

>>37497947
No, I've never really worried about people thinking I'm gay.

If a guy thinks you're gay you can just tell him you're not right? Plus, aren't gay people supposed to be good at detecting other gays?

>>37498044
>It's the guy who raped two women. Easy.

Holy shit. I meant who was worse off psychologically but that guy must have been fucked in the head anyway.

>>37497965
Don't worry frenchy, you just need to get a psychiatrist and push them to give you a diagnosis as much as you can. You also need to tell them everything about yourself even if you think its irrelevant, it might be very useful for the psychiatrist

Good night guys, hopefully tomorrow will be better

>>37498075
>I meant who was worse off psychologically

Then it's me. As far as non-genetic issues are concerned.

I'm more stable now, but a few weeks ago, I had everything from nausea, pukings, faintings, trembling, etc, to suicide ideation on most days, anxiety, derealisation for months, still ongoing, etc.

>>37498056
>hey, just so you know. I'm not gay. So were cool, right bro?

come one now

>>37497839
I've had psychosis before.

It was fucking insane. I still remember most of the delusions I had.

One of them, I believed I had become aware of a hidden communication protocol within society through which various "factions" communicated and organized plots with each other.

One of these such factions were the Jewish people and I once had a fairly mundane conversation with a devout Jewish guy on an airplane. In doing so I feared I had revealed to much of myself (through this "subconscious communication protocol", not by anything I said explicitly) and had exposed myself as a member of an "enemy" faction (not entirely sure which faction I belonged to at the time lol, but I was under the assumption the Jews were against everyone (I can thank /pol/ for that)).

I then feared he would order a hit on me and have me disposed of or something. Made no sense, but I was deathly afraid of it. Psychosis is nuts and if you feel it coming on you need to commit yourself to a psychiatric ward immediately.

Not even joking.

>>37498152
I meant more if you felt like the guy was making a move on you.

Saying anything else is autistic as fuck and perhaps reeks of homophobia or repressed homosexuality?

>>37498194
psychosis is the kind of shit that makes you want to commit suicide. That and depersonalization

Been talking to therapists for years and haven't made much headway. I'm often told to remind myself that I'm a "work in progress", but I'm a bitter and envious person by nature. I can't get past the reality that I'm so far behind everyone else at my age, or in my shoes. I'm sick of looking up to see the accomplishments of others dwarfing mine. If there was a magic pill to endow me with self-confidence, this wouldn't be an issue.

>>37498251

Did you post the exact same comment, word for word, before?

>>37498259
What? No. But if I'm not welcome, I'll leave. No skin off my nose.

>>37498243
Well mine was different. I had manic psychosis, so I didn't feel depressed or anything. I felt like I understood everything and world was unfolded before me. Though I was also afraid because I thought people were out to get me. I threw my cellphone away because I thought there was a bomb in it.

>>37498278
>What? No. But if I'm not welcome, I'll leave. No skin off my nose.

Damn, that was pretty defensive. Did you feel attacked?

You're naturally welcome here. Your post reminded me of another post, so I wondered if you posted before. My intuition might have been wrong.

I meant no offense to you.

Has anyone ever tried Ritalin to reduce derealisation? I was told it worked.

>>37498422
I didn't.
Meds on someone my age is rather meh. Quoting my psychiatrist.

>>37498449
>Meds on someone my age is rather meh.

Unless you're 7 or 77, I don't see how age is a reason not to be on medication.

Not that medication is a good solution for most situations.

>>37498477
He just doesn't buy too much into the DSM and doesn't prescribes meds easily.
Surely because of what you said, meds are known to have heavy drawbacks.

Perhaps my next one will give me funny pills to feel, heh

I feel like my therapy is stagnant. I speak a lot, and I enjoy it, but I'm not even given a diagnosis. I feel like I run the whole thing from beginning to end, describing my own symptoms, giving myself potential diagnoses, asking my therapist what she thinks, etc.

I always choose female therapists, because the whole spectrum of communication wouldn't be there with a man. I wonder if that makes sense to you people.

>>37497911
APS is a little different from regular psychosis in that the symptoms don't last as long as they do in psychosis or they aren't as intense as psychosis, but they are still causing you signifigant distress. My personal experience with APS can be described as being two people at once, one that believes the delusions completely (the government is watching me and collecting info on me, people are against me/trying to kill me etc). These two sides can be described as two divorcing parents that hate each other and you, the child, don't know who to side with. These two parents violently cycle and without meds and they are really horrifying to fight. I also had slight visual hallucinations where I would see light dots moving everywhere and they only left after I got my dose of abilify to 10mg.

In some aspects its better than actual psychosis and sometimes its worst. Its better because you know when to get help, but it sucks because your like a bystander watching yourself being taken over by something that can transform into something worse.

Anyways that's my take on it. Tell me what you think

>>37489897
Counselors have a legal requirement to report shit like that, just in case something happens and they get charged for aiding and abetting

>>37498664
It doesn't to me, but it's surely because I don't have everything implied exposed.

>>37498422
I've got Ritalin and it doesn't do shit for depersonalization, but the world and people around me has generally felt pretty real for me. It's mostly just a brief almost opiate like bit of euphoria at first then a really focused sort of mental and physical energy boost. Kind of like cocaine except it's not inherently 'fun' and it lasts for five or six hours.

>>37498716

Very interesting. I think you have a very good conceptual grasp of what you suffer from.

I ask because some of what I feel made me wonder if I had any psychosis myself, but I don't normally have any delusions.

But I definitely feel like different people depending on my mood.

>>37498194
That's exactly why attenuated psychosis is better than real psychosis. You know when to commit yourself (which I did). But its also worse at the same time because your watching yourself go through hell and sometimes your at the grips of the beast and other times your scared that another attack will come on

>>37493564
It sounds like you have issues with executive function. I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy, and making a routine for yourself.

>>37498740
>It doesn't to me, but it's surely because I don't have everything implied exposed.

Basically, communication is more intense, to me, between a man and a woman. With a man, nothing much would be at stake, I feel, so it'd be more meaningless. I don't want to date my therapist, but I want that tension there, maybe because I like that a woman is "other" compared to me, and vice versa. I feel like things work better between two people who aren't on the same side of things, and since many of my issues involve women trying to destroy me, it makes sense to have a woman try doing the opposite. I guess.

>>37498823
>communication is more intense between a man and a woman for me
It isn't for me, and that's surely what makes me unable to understand what you say, except on an abstract level.

>>37498793
I hear CBT getting thrown around but I don't know if I really understand. Is it just examining problem behaviors and actively planning and structuring yourself around not doing whatever harmful or negative habit? But yeah I've got serious issues with doing positive and beneficial actions and decisions and I've always struggled with routine as well.

>>37498880

How is a conversation with a man more intense for you than with a woman? Are you a homo, my friend?

>>37498935
I'm talking to men and women on the same depassionated level.

>>37498919
You're about half right. It's more about taking bad habits and thoughts and feelings, and replacing them with positive thoughts and feelings to generate good habits and healthier living. An example would be using positive words more frequently to generate more positive thinking.

>>37498951
>depassionated

Dispassionate. Come back to humanity, you robot!

>>37498986
To me it always sounded like bullshit. I know thinking patterns play a role, but focusing solely on them?

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>>37499020
Just give me back my ability to feel then

>22
>15, started to miss a few days in school because of World of Warcraft
>go there after 7 days of missing
>get bullied for it
>stop going there because afraid of bullying for 4 weeks
>go there again, teacher told students not to bully but they have this "i cut you after school" look in their eyes
>decide to completely cut all binds to social and reallife
>tfw skipped school for 3 years, after 1 year depressive symptoms started to arise and increased social anxiety, state, mommy, everyone tried to get me to school but they failed
>after 3 years my sickness got so bad i couldn't even think straight
>22 now
>tfw generalised anxiety disorder and bipolar
>tfw can barely leave the house without attacks only in car with mother
>tfw could go to a doctor or clinic but all fibers of my being are against it because of scary thoughts that don't go away

what do

>>37498986
It's immensely hard for me to try and force positive thoughts and feelings though. The most I've ever managed was faking an external appearance of being normal and cool but even then I know it was hardly convincing. I'm otherwise balls deep in self loathing and terrible conflicting thoughts and just being kind of a downer you know? I doubt I can 'fake it till you make it' when my mind would just call bullshit. I didn't respond well to regular therapy where I couldn't bring myself to scratching the surface of my issues.

>>37498664
Have you told your therapist this?
I guess it isn't easy for shrinks to go to the shirnk

>>37499219

I never told her that, no. I think therapists here have to go to therapy before becoming therapists. Personally, I think it should be mandatory.

She doesn't know I wanted a female therapist. She knows I get along with women more. She thinks I'm husband material and expects me to be very successful with women. I just don't meet many new people.

>>37499112
...go anyway. Think of it like just one of the many steps you are taking to improve yourself. They will all suck but all can be done. Start small, by going to a doctor and asking whats up

>>37499271
I was talking more about the first part of feeling stagnant. I think I'd like that kind of feedback

>>37499271
You can be my husbando if you want
fully homo

>>37499312

I asked her what she thought of my whole case, but her response didn't satisfy me much.

>>37499331

I didn't know that, or did I?

>>37499380
I'm just joking around. I'm attracted to feminity, and I'm sure you'd have a beard.

>>37499409
>to feminity,

Brace for this one, in English, it's "femininity".

You won't believe it at first. But it's true. Enjoy the pain.

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>>37499528
Why would it make sense anyway? Didn't know about that one. Here, a free picture for your troubles

>>37499528
It doesn't make sense and brings pain because it relates to women, right?

>>37499575
>Why would it make sense anyway?

It makes sense. They say "feminine" as an adjective, so to make it a noun, they add -ity", and so you get "femininity", as the E turns to I.

feminine ity, if you want.

It makes perfect sense.

File: pepe meme addiction.gif (2MB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 600x600px

I make a mean sandwich. Truly I do. But this has led to women requesting that I make them a sandwich. Am I getting memed?

>>37499600

No, because the word is feminit[e] with an accent, in French, and for Frenchie and I, this word, femininity, looks like a rape of our mothertongue.

I'm used to it now but I remember my original reaction.

>>37499736

If you keep them full, they'll keep you.

Fill the belly, fill the pussy, and your woman is happy.

>>37499757
>looks like a rape
More like adding a whole new syllabe just for the sake of looking cool.

>feminine is transparent
>feminity doesn't exist in english
>it's femininity
No wonder why they wanted to leave EU

>>37499817

Actually, I've explained why it made perfect sense later on. It really does.

>>37499926
Come on, I have read your post and am just explaining the whole first experience from our perspective. It does make sense. And I'm joking on the side.

>>37499817
>>37499926
Well if we're just going to start shaving syllables off willy nilly why stop with one? After all 'femme' is the bit we need so let's just go with femit[e] from now on.

>>37499978

Excision happened.

>>37500073
Good to see we're making progress.

Thread is dead?

Is it?

>>37500731
Too Sunday

>>37500731
>>37500815
Also, I'm having a better than expected day. I'm a bit afraid of not being able to sleep well in a couple of hourse, but so far I haven't been depressed at all today except for some early morning bullshit thinking.

>>37500987
Glad to hear it. Perhaps there's a sea change underway. Maybe we'll all make it after all.

>>37501011

LO says the kebabs in London are worth the terrorism. Shit must be tasty.

>>37489835
Just started taking meds again for sad brains and I like the results so far.

Why do these lyrics resonate with me (in capS because that is how they are sung)

FEAR OF LIVING ON
NATIVES GETTING RESTLESS NOW
MUTINY IN THE AIR
GOT SOME DEATH TO DO
MIRROR STARES BACK HARD
KILL IS SUCH A FRIENDLY WORD
SEEMS THE ONLY WAY
TO REACHING OUT AGAIN

>>37502052
because of the edge?

>>37501852
To each their own. Kebabs are somewhat trashy van food, last thing at night imo. Probably as Americans see burritos, but to me at least they're novel and delicious. Anyway, for me it's the baltis that justify the terrorism. A very spicy balti with a thick tomato sauce and a few rings of raw onion on the top. Some mushroom rice and cucumber raitha or just Greek yoghurt, along with a few chapattis. My absolute favourite meal.

>>37502197

I wish I was being le teenage edgy, it would be nice to be that innocent and young again

>>37498777
I have Bipolar 1 disorder and if I had another psychotic episode I'm confident I'd be able to recognize the patterns and commit myself, or at least fight them.

But maybe I'm wrong?

I'm kinda living risky because I got my doctor to prescribe me Wellbutrin and an SSRI with no mood stabilizer (lithium or w/e). But 4 years and I've been quite stable, more stable than many people are on their lithium shit.