Post funny ideas for suicide

Blow an air compressor either up your ass or down your throat until something inside you blows up

>make a razorwire noose
>place noose around neck and glue hands to sides of head.
>jump from high place.
>now it looks like you pulled your head off.

>>37463074
Oldie but goldie. I've always wanted to include a time explosive embedded behind an eye surgically that explodes after 10mins of my death for added FUCK YEA. Imagine being the EMTs transporting your corpse when the head suddenly KASLPFTTHTHH's all over the inside of the Ambulance.

Alternatively I wanna make some sort of postmortem device that shoots a replica Chest Burster up out of my chest

record hoursbof crying and tv static and buy a burger king outfit and fit the cassettess in it, walk in mc donalds wearing the burger king outfit order 1 milkjug and a hamburger with with just a patty and bun, go to the bathroom clog the toilets with as much paper as possible, piss yourself, cram the hamburger in the kings mouth pour the milk on the hamburger and then pull out a sawed off shotgun with buckshot and aim in the mouth and up

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Saw this on here a couple of years ago

>rent a hotel room
>buy a hooker
>rip the phone cord out of the wall
>just as she arrives, consume a lethal does of meds
>start fucking her promptly
>tell her that you are applying lube
>cover your dick with superglue instead
>continue to fuck
>die from an overdose while on top of her
>she tries to get you off of her
>she can't

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>>37463278
ABSOLUTELY
MISANTHROPIC

>hang noose from the ceiling
>place ice block on floor
>hang self
>ice melts
>>lol how he get there

I wanted to write "the golden treasure is in my closet" on my suicide not, and then when someone looks in my closet all they'll see are my piss bottles.

>>37463278
Oh shit, didn't that actually happen once? As in, I remember reading some book years ago called "worst ways to die" or something like that and one of them was essentially:
>Chad and Stacy go out in the woods
>Start fucking even though there's lightning
>Lightning hits them, their skin fuses together
>Stacy has dead Chad fused to her vag
Maybe it was fictional though, but I could have sworn all the stories were real.

>>37463124

Are you 15? Literally how would any of that work you retard?

>>37463442

Ice is an interesting method of killing in a lot of scenarios.

Icicles are the perfect murder weapon.

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>>37463124
that wouldn't work but funny idea none the less

>>37463603
OP didn't stipulate it had to be easy or even probable to pull off, only that it be funny. Those are two that if I ever had the means of pulling off, i'd off myself the next day
>>37463639
Thanks anon, I like thinking up ridiculous ways of offing myself; the more elaborate and implausible I make them, the easier i find it is to deal with being a coward and not offing myself

>>37463704
You shouldn't try to kill yourself with that kind of creativity.

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I think it would be kind of cool to put a magnifying glass on my head and walk out into a desert to let the sun burn a hole through my skull.

Would probably hurt like a bitch but would leave a cool looking skeleton with a perfect hole in my head with no markings of any drill/scraping tool present.

Objectively best way to kill yourself is to take a trip to Chicago and try to take out as many gangmembers as you can.

>>37463713
Thanks anon, that's the sweetest thing I've heard all month!

>>37463124
God damn you must hate EMTs. I fucking love it though, ignore the "hurr ur 15" normie. Behind the eye might be impossible but you could probably strap a hidden bomb somewhere, maybe down your pants so the nurse gets a face full of autist testes. Trolling normies, even in death. True /r9k/ dedication my friend.

Wear a carrot costume and hang yourself from a tree.

Or glue your hands to the handles on a treadmill lined with sandpaper and run for as long as you can.

Maybe that's more of a torture device though.

Get AIDS and then suicide bomb a crowded place with a bomb designed to fire shrapnel through your body, so even people outside the blast area will be infected if they get clipped.

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>>37462968
>start working out at home
>practice some martial art
>joing shooting club, go to shooting range
>use your newfound confidence to get friends or whatever you call them
>use you superior intellligence to recruit them as nazis
>train your group
>listen to moonman
>become a death squad
>keep doing that until suicide by cop

That's how a robot does it.

>>37464093
Get HIV and as many other blood transmissible diseases while you're at it. Biological warfare!

>pop shit ton of different pain killers
>turn on webcam
>stream myself drinking 10+year old crystal Pepsi
>everyone will think the Pepsi killed me

>>37463760
thats a funny way to spell niggers anon

>>37464179
your thinking of /pol/acs anon, robots die from starvation in locked rooms only to be discovered years later after the neighbors notice the smell.