Psychological Issues #??????

>tfw there will never be medication that gives purpose and contentness to life

File: Daily Atlas Bullying Image.jpg (72KB, 600x385px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 600x385px

So between the cholesterol and the diabetes you must be a like a milkshake for a vampire, huh?

Here we are now. Entertain us.

How's everyone?

>>37449001
I feel like im running out of hope desu

>>37448787
Those are things you need to figure out on your own.
>>37448834
Atlas, Atlas...
>>37449001
I'm a good fucking juggler, been practicing since I was a kid for no particular reason.
>>37449058
Tell us more.

>>37449058

What ails you?

>>37449087
>Those are things you need to figure out on your own.

Actually, when your brain feels good, being alive is the meaning of life and it's enough. We question the meaning of life when we're not having fun. Once you're mentally healthy, the meaning of life becomes a fun riddle, but it's not necessary.

Juggling is good for the mind too.

>>37449087
>>37449114
I unironically think having a gf would help my depression but all girls just want chads here, made sure of that few days ago.

Nice, I'm early to the thread. Hello everyone.

>>37449146
Hello there, nameless one.

>>37449128
True enough pretty much.

Speaking of which, I'm actually not depressed today! Imagine that. Went down the gym, looking forward to things again. Hoping it lasts, but it probably won't. Still, for now things are looking up.

File: 1482238640440.jpg (90KB, 596x591px) Image search: [Google]

90KB, 596x591px

I'm really happy but I'm just on a different wavelength to people, I know there's a rich gooey emotional thing behind all those masks but I just prefer watching them go by and remain by myself. I don't dislike this, but I feel empty in the sense that I don't think I'm capable of experiencing another I. I don't want relationships or sex, I just want to know another I.

Fuck me, it's Eh. This is my post >>37449146

>>37449190
Hey Facet.

>>37449223
Hey, Eh.

>>37449141
>but all girls just want chads here

Yeah, that's a myth around here. Girls want pretty much what you want. Look around, men in relationships aren't all Chads, by far.

>>37449299
I concur wholeheartedly. I am the opposite of a chad, but I've had to turn down countless of girls. They want someone who's independent and self-sufficient, that's it. No girl wants to get into a relationship where she fears she'll turn into your fucking mother.

>>37448702
Thanks for starting Recluse!
>>37449001
I'm driving to work. Also check your email, I sent you something important.
>>37449223
>>37449190
How's everything you two?

>>37449299
I'd actually agree with the other anon. Girls want a prince charming, but they know that they may not get one. They then lower their standards.

I'm not a regular in this thread

I got a referral to talk to someone. It's in a month. I'm on the fence about canceling. I have bad experience with people and don't know if I can trust them. My trust issues is more about fear of ignorance rather than malice. I find that even when people have good intentions, they can very easily mess up the lives of people just by ignorance and poor judgment. And they record their judgments and conclusions in your journal, so worst case it can have very negative impact on your life.

I have previously talked to two psychologists but it wasn't really a positive experience.

I guess I'm also at a point where I don't care that much about what happens to me. I have health issues + autism, so I will probably get autismbucks. If so, I'm kinda free to continue my isolated existence where I never talk to people (except my mother who I visit once a month or so). I have the type of autism where I usually don't get attached to people, and my ability to feel lonely is very low. For instance, I'm not attached to my siblings or dad.

>>37449128
>Actually, when your brain feels good, being alive is the meaning of life and it's enough.

This is my experience as well. If you're in a good place in your life, you don't care whether your life has a higher meaning or not, because you feel good about what you do and experience. I find often existential depression is usually a depression from conflicts in your life, not the issue of life not having a higher purpose.

>>37449299
Yes but girls manipulate men with their pussies. This is well known. Women have power over more men than vice versa, in terms of interpersonal relationships.

>>37449347
I'm doing well. Nothing bad is happening, but I am bored.

No matter how well I do I will only be able to lead a mediocre life. Or rather a pretty lacking mediocre life. Why bother fighting depression if my life in itself is gonna be depressive?

Just woke up. Feeling better today. The anger has dissipated.

>>37449365
Thats good, but why are you bored?

>>37449364
Not necessarily friend. Isolate and control. The MO of the patrician predator.

>>37449347
Good thanks, having a really positive day. Free from depression and hoping it lasts. Might be able to start making some big changes. Looking to wind down on the drink and other shit as well, then go teetotal again.

>>37449299
I went to a party few days ago

There were like 7 girls and 8~ guys, not a big party.
All of the girls were orbiting 2 of the chads, constantly looking at them like they're radiating light.
Im not even that disgusting, im average looking, don't say dumb shit, contain my spaghetti masterfully etc., but still, I just lack the pretty face and 6'5'' body
It wouldn't be as bad if I didn't crave human contact like air, but everytime it just hurts

>>37449364
>girls try to manipulate men with their pussies sometimes.
I fixed it.

>>37449394
This is me of course.

I also bought a new necklace. I like necklaces. I like to accessorize with visual signifiers of my mindset. Hanging up the skull chain and silver cross and ordered a wolf's head that reminds me of high school. Wolves might be a bit of a fedora meme but it's significant to me so it is what it is.

>>37449363
>I find often existential depression is usually a depression from conflicts in your life, not the issue of life not having a higher purpose.

Deep, and true.

Living is its own thing when you do it well. Not there yet but I haven't lost hope.

>>37449371
I feel like part of growing up is realizing not everything you wanted to do is possible, or even viable. Don't let it get you down. Nearly everyone I know is leading a mediocre life. It never turns out to be the life you envision for yourself.

>>37449364
>Yes but girls manipulate men with their pussies. This is well known.

Only if you let them.

>Women have power over more men than vice versa, in terms of interpersonal relationships.

Not quite convinced there. It varies with every relationship.

>>37449371
How can you be sure your life will be mediocre? What would be an example of the kind of life you'd be happy with?

>>37449394
I don't understand what you're saying

>>37449398
No reason to be like that. Few man can manipulate women I.e. players. But so many women can easily manipulate men. The balance of power is tilted in their favour if you're not careful.

>>37449434
Yeah but I don't see why climb the mountain if you know there's nothing for you at the top. Been going to psychs for like 5 years and honestly I'm tired to put so much effort into such an unsatisfying result.

>>37449455
I'm saying that if you work to isolate women from their support networks and away from family and friends then they are a lot easier to control because they have only you, and they come to fear the consequences of disobedience. Hmm, not sure that sounds quite like me but whatever.

>>37449452
I dont have any particular skill or passion. I don't have any loved one watching over me or inspiring me to be better. I really don't have a single good reason to keep on going, I just move through the motions and I assume I'll keep doing so after 25 years of nothing.

>>37449395
If you go to the typical party where stacys are looking for a fuck, then that might be the result. If you want to find someone, I'd recommend looking elsewhere than parties

Do you live in a city or so? Have you ever tried getting into stuff that attracts introverts and weirdos? Like, I lived in a city that arranged board game evenings. If I wasn't ill at the time, I'd probably have joined it

>>37449493
Hey, Nobody's back! Great to see you!

>>37449501
Nope, small city, no people. Those 7 stacies were probably the only girls my age here

>>37449520
Sorry new here didn't know there was another nobody, I'll change my name.

>>37449479

Goddam...

That isn't the way to a sane woman's heart.

>>37449493
There's something you would want to achieve or effect in the world. What would you wish for if you found a genie? Do you have a preference for how the world could potentially be?

>>37449555
>What would you wish for if you found a genie?

Careful, Kek is watching. He will make it come true. If you get dubs.

Let's make wishes! See if Kek approves.

>>37449493
What are your hobbies? What do you do that you look forward to?

>>37449522
Heh. I live in a small town atm so I hear ya. Do you prefer living outside cities? Does the life you live require you to stay where you are?

>>37449555
If I found a genie i'd wish for a gf and happiness(although I don't think I can take happiness since it comes from many things)

I must go right now. Another BBQ party. See you much later, guys.

>>37449543
Did you want to continue our conversation or not?

>>37449555
Really dont think I'd have any big wish. I guess I'd wish for stuff to make life easier, like having infinite money or something like that. Maybe someone that understands me and loves me. I dont know man, I don't think I'd feel fulfilled with that wish either.

>>37449537
No worries Nameless, welcome all the same.

>>37449543
It works though. If you want to possess their heart in the palm of your hand, that's the way. Maybe even their soul.

>>37449583
I can't move away yet if that's what you mean

I kinda like it, so calm and i live on the very edge so can go for quiet walks but at the same time I hate it because I know i will never find someone who loves me till I move away

>>37449580
Nothing special, videogames, music, pretty much everything you would expect nothing weird/original like woodcarving.

>>37449596

Yes, but later, I must go right now. Bye!

>>37449603
Thanks Facet

>>37449598
>Maybe someone that understands me and loves me

Realistically, what are the barriers to attaining that?

Replies will be sporadic while I'm on the holy hunt.

>>37449680
Me, mainly. I'm a fucking weirdo and a failure, doubt anyone would take a 2nd look at me let alone actually loving me. And hitting the loves me AND understands me, that's just science fiction.

>>37449612
Do you get enjoyment out of those things?

I stopped enjoying videogames awhile ago. All that keeps me going is a stiff drink after work and some music.

What keeps me down is the fact that I'll be living this mediocre life for the next 50 or so years. The average existence sure is sad.

>>37449606
I see

Yeah, I can't live in cities. Too much noise and people. Most of my friends are people I talk to online from random forums I've been a member of through the years.

I guess you might have thought about these things already, but there's no weird meetup or so you could join? Not for finding a partner, but just meeting people you might get along with. For instance, I know my town has a meetup at the library once a week where everybody is welcome. I've considered trying to go there myself, but, you know, low self esteem, distrust of people and stuff. Maybe your neighboring town has something?

>>37449717
You're probably not as hard to understand or love as you think. Describe your weirdness, if you're comfortable. Failure isn't a permanent state.

>>37449747
I used to slowly dull to the enjoyment of videogames, media, etc. But after some work with my psych and some heavy duty meds, I'm back on the saddle on that front. Still that's like a minor thing, I can't ride 50 years on small pleasures like videogames, I'd need something big enough.

>>37449717
What makes you say that?

Also hello, from a fresh win7 installation

I disappeared for five hours today. I stepped outside with no destination, and then I looked at the clock. Five hours had passed. Feels amazing.

>>37448787

True.
I've got ADHD, an I've been staring at this blank fucking MS word page for 3 hours now. Meds, therapy, it's all bullshit, I'm double dosing an I can't even get the motivation to get out of my chair an get a glass of water right now.

Yo wassup bois.

>>37449781
That's cool. I wish I could ditch time with such ease. Fuck time.

If anyone is curious to know what it means to be British, here is the answer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFFWF1DnZKM

>>37449757
Dunno how to put into words but even I have difficulty understanding who I am. I often find myself confused because I used to had a tendency to fake things to "fit in" but it went for long enough that I'm just having trouble distinguishing myself from that. I know my flaws though, I'm painfully aware of those and that just aggravates how easily would be for me to actually fit in a relationship without feeling guilty.

>>37449797
What meds? Are you on antideps?

>>37449827
Try audiobooks while taking a stroll. That shit is amazing.

>>37449830
If you tried to "fit in", and don't know "who you are", why don't you use your emotions as a guide, like a compass? That's what I'd do.

Funnily enough you're talking about something that is relatable for me lately.

>>37449835
No dex, they work sometimes, but its very hit an miss.

>>37449830
What were you faking to fit in and during what period of your life did this happen?

You would feel guilty in a relationship for having what literally every human being has?

Let's hear about these flaws.

>>37449857
Because everything I do it feels like a lie. Like me putting up some sort of persona, playing an act that actually fits that role that I need to fulfill. Nothing I do feels genuine and what feels genuine it's just mistakes.

>>37449876
Being "normal" whatever that means. Low-brow humour that they would find funny even though I wouldn't, fake smiles/laughter even though my soul was crushed every step, pretending to be smart when I was dumb as a brick and could barely keep up with classes, that kinda stuff.

>>37449907
Isn't it called "adapting to others"? Perhaps you could find people that are closer to you intellectually wise, so that you stop feeling the need to "fit in" with something that isn't you

>>37449876
Also I did so in highschool, after highschool I didn't have any contact with human beings for a while besides family.

And it's not because I have flaws, it's because I have too many flaws compared to virtues. And many of them are really really bad, I'm not talking about "I leave the toilet seat up" I'm talking real stuff like being stupid or lazy. I feel like being in a relationship with me it's a really really shit deal that's why I'd feel bad.

>>37449890
>>37449907
Look closely at what's present when you aren't affecting this veneer of normalcy. You aren't faking the concern that's prompting you to make these posts, are you? Will be walking now, so my responses will be slow if they come at all.

>>37449938
You may name it whatever you want, doesn't change the fact that it made me feel like shit and I still have issues identifying where does the facade end and where do I start.

And sure, theoretically I could, but I doubt I realistically can. I'm in a weird spot, always have, always will. I'm always in the middle of nowhere, it always feels like I'm not really connected to anybody, like people don't share my intellect. And I dont mean it in a demeaning way or anything, It's just I always was left out, never have been in without really faking it.

>>37449907
Humor isn't universal. I doubt there's a single joke that ever human on the planet should find funny. I've had to pretend to laugh in movies just so my friends would think I'm enjoying some movie they suggested. Faking it isn't as uncommon as people would think.

I doubt I've ever met someone that's always genuine.

>>37449962
"Virtue" can be cultivated, which you clearly care about doing as it's a step toward your goal of having a relationship. So what do you view as virtuous?

>>37449390
I don't have anything to do.

>>37450019
So I know I hate being fake, that's about it.
>>37450051
I can fake virtue, doesn't mean I'm virtuous. At that point I'd just go back to pretending I'm someone I'm really not, and would feel bad for a different reason.

>>37449830
Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not a regular in this thread, so I don't know you

But I'm a copycat as well. I always looked for what behavior people expected from me and did that. I don't feel that I have a strong identity.

>>37449890
>>37449907

That type of chameleon behavior require a certain degree of perception and understanding of social dynamics

>>37449962
You kinda remind me of me when I was younger. No offense D :::

I found more confidence in meeting people like myself online, who appreciated the aspects of myself I was always hiding in RL.


>>37449870
Have you tried other meds?

>>37449479
I would say that this sounds like me as well.

>>37450060
I'm not a regular either, first time around here, so no worries. I am in my 24th year (making 25 this month). I still haven't someone I'm comfortable online, but it's actually the other way around, everyone's way smarter than me so I have to pretend I understand even though I don't.

>offering amateur psychological help to a bunch of extremely neurotic, isolated and easily influenced teenagers

hmm this is going to go well

>>37449809
Hey Joji. Sorry no one saw your post.

>>37450033
Well, you are all your facades as there's only you that could have acted the way you did, no matter the situations you were in.

Your description sounds like depersonalisation and/or derealisation.

>>37448702
Trying to forgive a long term girlfriend who has been sexting a guy for a couple months
Feels like if I forgive her and try to move forward i'm just admitting i hate myself which i kind of knew all along
But I don't really have anyone else so I'm scared to lose her, suicide has been in the back of my head for years and this might be the catalyst to put it over the edge if I admit how it really makes me feel
So I cover it up and act like everything is as normal, the only mental tactic that has served me anything in my life
I dunno what I should do, I feel completely stuck and more self loathing than ever
Please dont recommend any stupid fucking advice like exercise, meds, or therapy
I've tried dozens of programs of all of these and none of them help

>>37450139
In what way are they smarter than you?

Hello, how is everyone doing?

>>37450170
Doubt it's as extreme as that, but yeah something on the lines of that.

>>37450198
They talk about thing that flies way over my head, understand things above my paygrade, are funnier than me (I understand the jokes they make but they really do jokes that I couldn't come up with just in the spot), just overall smarter, can't put it any other way.

>>37450201
Perhaps. Just felt like telling you that, in case you didn't know what it was.

At least remember that you are the one behind all of your facades.
The one kissing your gf, talking to your friends and teachers, the one that did that retarded thing because you got told to. You're all of them.

>>37450199
Kinda hungover,but feeling energised from talking to a good friend last night

>>37450199
Hi Dan. I'm fine, how are you?

>>37450241
Well right now I'm playing the complete waste of oxygen part really well so I'm starting to think that may be me, but yeah Idk.

>>37450199
Hey, new here, doing okay what about you?

>>37450286
What I see more in you is a lack of self esteem and enjoyment in life than a waste of space.
At least you ain't a nigger eks dee

Hi guys, I'm mostly gonna be lurking today. Hope everyone's had a good day.

>>37450317
I am 25 and I have literally done nothing. No gf, no studies, no job, my biggest defining characteristics are depression, SPD and a long list of failures. I really think the waste of space title is kinda appropiate.

I mean fuck if I were a nignog then it'd just be a cruel prank by god.

>>37450238
Is it about understanding or knowledge, though? Do you have the same knowledge as them?

>>37450266
That's good, what did you talk about?

>>37450271
Kinda shitty. I hate presenting in front of many people and for some reason (I guess to punish myself as borderline people do) I said I will do this presentation for 3 days. I'll be talking in front of about 50 people every day one hour at a time. I don't know why the fuck I volunteered for it. It's like self-harm.

>>37450307
Hey nameless. I don't think you should beat yourself up so much about feeling stupid. Chances you are not that bad. Otherwise you wouldn't give a shit.

>>37450368
Knowledge and understanding. I don't, I really don't have any knowledge besides common stuff. Never been invested into something deep enough that I'd consider myself "versed".

>>37450367
And what hinder you in turning things around?
>inb4 depression
[spoilers]Even if depressed, you got to do something. Staying in your current, unhappy situation won't lead you to anything but the previous statements.[/spoilers]
>inb4 I fail spoilers again

>>37450394
As I said above, fighting hard to get a mediocre result it's really discouraging. Tried dealing with my depression best I got was "you're not chemically fucked up, so if you still feel bad for being a trashcan, that's on you". I'm just really tired about wailing pointlessly. I know enough to understand that my state it's not gonna be good enough so that's why I keep asking why bother.

>>37450387
Can you name an example of something you don't understand?

Sorry if I'm nagging you about this, you don't have to answer if you think it's annoying

>>37450428
Maths, computers, videogames, you name it.

>>37450421
Never said it'd be easy. Just saying the only forseeable solution lies in changing your own situation.

>>37450435
What about video games don't you understand? Or computers?

>>37450421
>As I said above, fighting hard to get a mediocre result it's really discouraging.
I kinda hate jumping into it, but this hits too close to home.

First, you're comparing yourself. To whom?
Secondly, mediocre? How so.

>>37450455
Believe me I know, and I'm aware complaining doesn't help, I'm perfectly aware that mediocre is 99% of the population, but still doesn't inspire me to change.

>>37450479
I dont think I'm comparing myself to anyone, if anything it'd be hypothetically perfect me if that even is a thing (I don't mean literally perfect I just mean a life I could live without complaints)

Mediocre in the sense that all I'd do is mundane stuff, nothing that special. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come back home, play games, sleep, repeat, etc. That kind of future really makes me sad I don't think i could stand 40 years of that dull existance.

>>37450487
Then what do you want?

>>37450536
Yet you're comparing yourself. A comparaison requires two things, and you're one of the two. What's the other? A general idea of what a "smart" person is? Your ideal self?

>>37450564
I don't fucking know, something, anything really. I want an answer to that the most. Something that makes my life worth living, something that makes even the dull repetition of life worth it. I don't even know if that even exists. I keep thinking romance could be the answer but that's just me and my stupid fucking disney-movie complex, I dont know what the answer is.

On a side topic, I just did a fresh install of windows 7, and I want to change things a bit: namely my wallpaper.

Screen resolution is 1920x1080. Give me your best. plz

>>37450589
Only you can have the answer. By doing introspections.

>>37450616
Done introspections, 0 answers, am I to assume the answer is "nothing"? Maybe that's it.

Hey guys, just got home (its about 15.20 pm here) and I'll try to go to sleep as soon as possible so that the weekend's despair doesn't set in for a couple more hours.

>>37450387
Do you think you're just stupid, or could there be something else? Like a lack of motivation to try to understand anything, or a fear of failure preventing you from doing so?

>>37450636
Doubt the answer is "nothing". I mean, even for the comparaison problem, I'm sure you have hypothesis about it. To whom you compare yourself.

>>37450674
I don't think, I am dumb as a brick. Flunked highschool bro, I'm as dumb as you can get.

>>37450536
>if anything it'd be hypothetically perfect me if that even is a thing
Point is, why should this hypothetical perfect you stop you from being happy with doing your best? I'm gonna talk about myself here a little. For me, I do this to justify not doing my best. It's so, so simple to just say
>Oh, I'll never be the best in the world so why even try and be happy
Is it really reasonable though? If you do your best and work hard, there should be no reason for you not to be happy with yourself.

Nick always says, that you are you. No one can be better at being you, but you. It's a little cheesy, but generally it holds some weight.

Also, one more thing to consider. This hypothetical perfect you. It wouldn't be you anymore. That is if we are talking about things out of your control, like intelligence which seems to me you're concerned about.

Also just to put one thing out of the way, I'm not some positive-thinking preacher. I'm a deeply fucked up individual. Actually the right part of my face hurts because I punched myself in it out of rage today (probably gonna have a blue eye tomorrow). You know why? I was angry that I'm tall and more attractive, etc and that I never experienced teenage love (or any love for that matter). So I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I'm just happy to talk to someone who seems to be in a similar shit creek.

>>37450683
I mean sure, my comparison is "someone who enjoys life" but that answers fuck all.

>>37450696
>I was angry that I'm tall and more attractive, etc
I meant to say "I'm not". Fuck me.

>>37450696
My main concern isn't really intelligence, or money, or charm. My main concern is drive, happiness, that's what's I really pursue. I have no drive to do anything, no passion at anything, no skills to guide me into something, nothing that fulfills my life. The life I can get is not the life I want but the issue steems that I dont know what life I'd want. You know you're not happy with this but you don't know what would make you happy and that is the point. If I knew I'd send everything to the trashcan and pursue it to the best of my ability, but sadly I dont have that thing. I'm just walking in circles waiting for my life to end, and the only answer that comes into my mind is "you don't have any destination, why are you even walking, just stop".

>>37450696
>that I never experienced teenage love (or any love for that matter)
That used to eat me a lot, I rejected love altogether and honestly I felt freed once I truly gave up on it but it's still somewhat sad that I'll never experience it so I feel you. I wish I had that but then again if I didn't it probably was for a reason.

>>37450779
>The life I can get is not the life I want but the issue steems that I dont know what life I'd want.
Firstly, you never know for sure what kind of life can get. So many things can happen, you can never know for sure what you could possibly achieve. That is, unless you box yourself in willingly and do nothing. Then yeah, you can be damn sure what kind of life you can get. But that's your choice.

And if you don't know what you'd want, you just have to try something. Anything! Is there something you'd like to learn? Programming, languages, lifting. There MUST be something. And you know what it is you'd like to try. You know you do.

>>37450173
Can i at least get a get off my board reee?
I feel like i need at least SOMETHING

>>37450891
Yeah, I was talking with my colleague who was talking about how he and his (now) wife used to have sex constantly when they were 16 or 17. I had go to the bathroom and punch myself in the face a couple times to calm down. It's just that he experienced intimacy, I haven't and the chance to be affectionate with someone in this way (teenagers with no worries) is gone. Permanently. I'm 25 by the way. Well, this month I'm turning 25.

>>37450915
>Firstly, you never know for sure what kind of life can get

I'm putting myself on the best case scenario in the hypotheticals, just "everything goes well, depression cured, what do you get" scenario. Even if that may not happen or whatever. Again not including that I may win the lottery or unlikely things even though they're possible it wouldn't be normal to expect that to happen.

>Is there something you'd like to learn?
Tried a bunch of stuff, only got more and more dissapointed with myself.

>>37450779
Do you think you feel more optimistic if you feel you have an important or significant role socially? I mean, if you knew you made a difference in people's lives?

Just wondering where your deepest sense of accomplishment lies.

Can you remember a time where you felt a strong drive? What motivated you?

>>37450972
Really I don't care much about the sex, now companionship, that's what I'd really like. Just feeling loved and wanted would've done wonders with me.

>>37450993
I don't think it's so much about actual relevance as it is something that I feel passionate about. For all I care it could be picking up dog poo in the park as long as I find it fascinating. Never had a strong drive though, I mostly did what asked because "it's what's supposed to be done" nothing really personal.

>>37450981
>I'm putting myself on the best case scenario in the hypotheticals, just "everything goes well, depression cured, what do you get" scenario.
Okay. You seem to be VERY critical of yourself. Have you considered that maybe you are simply not capable of seeing the best scenario? It seems that you have been in this state of mind for quite some while. Do you really think you can think of best scenarios? I just think that you can NOT trust your judgement in this. There is much more you can do. Actually, would you be open to describing your best scenario?

>Tried a bunch of stuff, only got more and more dissapointed with myself.
Why were you disappointed? Let me guess, you saw other people getting better than you in shorter time?

File: image.jpg (2MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 3264x2448px

Fuck painting. How's thread doing?

>>37451043
Yeah I didn't mean just sex, I meant general intimacy at young age. This door is closed though. It ain't never gonna open again. Actually I'm probably gonna have to make up some stories about false women that I "have" dated. Otherwise people at work are gonna tear me apart. You know they have these things they call "Family afternoon" which is where you bring your family to some event and meet families of your coworkers. YEAH GREAT FUCKING IDEA! MY HAND IS GONNA BE THERE WITH ME!

Sorry I'm just venting at this point.

>>37451092
I mean I can see "best" scenarios even if they're not good. Considering I know my skill-set I can know my job will be mid to low tier, ideally it'd be something repetitive so I can get it down in one go and not fuck it up (basically aiming to get a stable job), otherwise life would be pretty much identical, I'd play videogames, listen to music, watch movies,etc in my free time, I'd have some apartment rented to live on my own, doing the whole cooking cleaning shebang. Nothing really remarkable anyways just mundane stuff.

>Why were you dissapointed?
Never compare myself to others, I just did things to feel good about myself only to grow steadily more frustrated as I hit a wall that I can't get through. Usually it was that mid-growth stage where you're good enough to tell you don't have what it takes to reach the level you intend to.

>>37451095
I hope your doing a second coat

Looks good

>>37451170
It's okay, we're all here to vent. Do you really find it that important to have your peers accept you? Or is it more of a job thing "we don't want single sad sacks around the office" kinda thing?

>tfw get severe anxiety after drinking alcohol, to the point of getting chest pains
>did cocaine and was nearly have a full blown panic attack the next morning till the cokehead living next to me dragged me outside and calmed me down

It wasn't this bad before. I don't even have to drink a lot but I still can't sleep because of anxiety. I used to have some pretty bad delusions a year ago but it stopped by itself. Can't think of another reason why I'm so mentally weak when it comes to substances

>>37451223
It's both honestly.

I mean, I've been working there for almost a year and the last time I didn't bring anyone, which they probably let slip since I've only been there for two months at that time. But if I don't bring anyone this time, they're gonna start wondering. Everyone but me and one other guy (similar age) has families or at least fucking husband/wife. And I'm seen as the sad sack out of two of us.

I do find it important to be accepted. I do it only way I know of and that is by learning every fucking thing I can. If I know much more than them and they need the information I have, then they just can't ignore me.

>>37451280
Cant you get some prescription drugs for anxiety? I mean I think it's better than booze and cocaine that's for sure.

>>37451066

I see. I like your personality. Though, I might be biased because you remind me of me <:)

Feeling hopelessness or depression can feel quite futile. You remind me of me when I was willing to try a lot of stuff, but my problems made me unable to, and I didn't understand what aspects of me would make me useful. Finding the aspects of your personality and being that is positive and rare is difficult to pinpoint over the net. For me at least. At the very least I can tell you I think you underestimate yourself. And I' m not saying that out of pity or trying to make you fool yourself. I genuinely think so

>>37451295
Maybe you don't need to make up a really complex web of dates you had. Just pretend that you had a long relationship with 1 girl and ever since she left you you'd been crushed or lost all hope in relationship. Bitter cynical men are always better than disgusting smelly virgins.

>>37451197
>Considering I know my skill-set
You can learn things. Sure, if you are indeed dumb (as you think) it's gonna take you longer, but you can learn things. Actually once you start trying to learn, you might surprise yourself. Sometimes it's just about finding your own style of learning.

You're just boxing yourself in so damn much. What for?

>I just did things to feel good about myself only to grow steadily more frustrated as I hit a wall that I can't get through. Usually it was that mid-growth stage where you're good enough to tell you don't have what it takes to reach the level you intend to.
Firstly, some examples? Secondly, you said that you do things to feel good about yourself, then you mention a level which you want to reach. Why is feeling good about doing something has to be tied to your level of capability? You're doing that. No one else.

>>37451329
Yeah that's funny because that's what I've been doing so far. People think I'm this bitter cynical guy who has been hurt by someone really bad. I think I can maintain this persona, since not sharing many details kinda goes well with it.

>>37450381
Kinda late response, but we talked about motivation. We both are going through tough times and we both feel motivated to get out of these situations, we talked about succesful people that made it through obstacles. One of the best drinking nights ever.

>>37451309
Everybody thinks I underestimate myself but honestly I really don't. If anything I was really arrogant before I faceplanted the plane with no survivors. Right now I am aware of who I am and as unbelievable as it may seem I'm just mediocre to downright failure in every aspect I've explored of myself. Maybe there's something hidden, maybe there isn't.

Anyways thanks for liking my personality as bad as it may seem >.<

>>37451360
Can learn things? Probably. Never will take a university course though, because that's way over my paygrade, me no smarts, so best things I can learn will land me that kinda job I've talked about, something medium-tier at best, nothing superior. Really don't care about anything more since with a mid-tier job I'd have enough salary to sustain myself. Not really boxing myself, if I'm just getting a job with no passion for it might as well go for something that's utility focused (pays the bills doesn't drain too much free time).

>some examples?
Piano, guitar, handball, tennis, little bit of basketball, languages (french, japanese), coding (python? I think that's what was called didn't go that far into it because I got lost in like the first few paragraphs)

>Why is feeling good about doing something has to be tied to your level of capability?

Why? Because it feels incredibly infuriating to fail at everything that you do. I hate being reminded that I'm a fucking retard, even when I set my bar so low and I can't even reach it. I know I'm doing it but I can't help it, it's just how I feel about everything.

>>37451205
Doing 3 coats. First will look spotty like this, second ends up navy, 3rd is black. Boss wants a black office, he's getting a black office.

>>37451391
I mean as long as you're not super-spergy socially you can pull that one off fairly easily. Then again I'd recommend not getting involved with anyone from your job or related to them because you'd get shat on if they find out you're actually a bitter virgin instead of a bitter cynic.

>>37451485
If you could surgically implant a body of knowledge (like an academic discipline) into your brain, what would you choose?

>>37451391
That's my persona except I'm not pretending and it hurts.

>>37451485
You can work yourself up. From mediocre job to better jobs. You do know that even university graduates with experience don't usually start as CEOs, right?

Also why should it be something you have no passion for?

>Piano, guitar, handball, tennis, little bit of basketball, languages (french, japanese), coding
Why did you stop doing these things? Languages interest me especially, since I've been learning german and russian for the last year on duolingo/memrise. Sure, there are people who could get to my level in few weeks, but if you see some results, there is no reason to be mad at yourself. Why should improving your knowledge be a failure? Don't see it as a failure! It's not!

>>37451592
Probably something computer related, do a lot of things with computers actually knowing about them would be handy.

Is it normal to take SSRI's without having therapy or counselling? I'm a bong so I don't qualify for therapy, but I was offered antidepressants so I thought I might as well try it. Started taking Setraline today.

>>37451554
Well yeah, but if they do, I can just leave. Which I'm gonna do soon anyways. For sure before the family afternoon (unless I find a good excuse).

>>37451595
I don't know what's worse. Being bitter because you've been hurt or being bitter because you never even had anyone who could have hurt you.

>>37451485
Yeah, i understand where those feelings are coming from. I don't think there's much I can say to convince you otherwise from this distance, because I've been there myself. And I need to go to bed now.

If you have working memory issues, memory issues and so forth, that will make you feel more stupid than you are. You can have good understanding of something, but your brain might refuse to work efficiently.

Have you ever had an assessment? To check for neurological issues? Like autism, adhd and so on?

>>37451612
No, you shouldn't be taking those without a prescription.

>>37451599
I mean I could but then they take way more time from you for more money which I really wouldn't need. As long as I cover expenses with a small treat here and there I'd be okay.

>Why did you stop doing these things?
Piano & guitar = lack of talent made me increasingly sad to the point where playing would make me feel really bad about myself because I sounded like a retarded robot
Sports = Coordination of a drunk penguin, got benched hardcore in handball/basket the others were a hobby but I couldnt do jack shit and I dont even like sports just did it because.
Languages = Reached a point where even my teachers told me "it'd be better if you'd stop"

>>37451631
What does it matter if the consequences are the same? You're bitter either way. I'm also bitter, Dan.

>>37451641
Been cleared of autism, never had adhd mentioned but I doubt it. That's about it.

>>37451655
Of course I got a prescription for them. That's why I'm taking them.

I still find it odd though, say Setraline is the right pill for me, will this actually stop me being depressed? I thought you were supposed to take these with therapy.

I can't make friends. I can't look people in the eyes. I can't find anyone like me. I always sperg out infront of cashiers. Strangers hate me. My family mentally abuses me. I'm always alone. I can't find a group i belong in. I can't become independent. I feel ugly and miserable all the time. I don't know how to become confident.
All i want is to just be accepted for who i am and what i look like. I want to have friends to talk and laugh with. I want people to go out during the summer with. I want a girlfriend. But nobody wants to act like a support person to a socially maladjusted guy. Happy people want to hang out with other happy people. But how am i supposed to befriend anyone, if i'm insecure and unhappy? It's like trying to get a first job without having any experiences. Nobody wants to hang out with socially retarded loser, so i'll never be able to change because of that. Maybe i should just accept that i'm meant to be alone. I wish there was a war or something i could go fight and die in, because i don't feel like committing suicide yet.

>>37451681
One's bitter and respected the other's bitter and mocked. That's the main difference.

>>37451608
Read some books. To get yourself interested, fantasize about what you can do if you master the material. I can give you links if you want pdfs.

>>37451592
Old-school blade and armor smithing, hands-down. Been fascinated with ever since I'd first seen it done. I've always believed I was born in the wrong age, I've never fit in this one. I believe I'd be perfectly happy forging blades, armor, horseshoes, etc. in that time period until I died from a plague or war.
>>37451631
I didn't have a relationship with a girl until I was 17. I was the alone guy. Then dated girl for a year and a week. I found out she cheated on me and I ended it the day I found out my 18th birthday.
Several years of depression later meet new girl, long story short it ends the same way. Every single romantic relationship I've ever had I've been cheated on. "Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all," MY ASS!

>>37451711
It could lessen the symptoms, yes. What issues of yours do you feel are best addressed by therapy?

>>37451726
Already had stuff from university courses and whatnot. Even had a pooter class in highschool to learn about hardware and some small stuff like beginner programing, graphical editing? or whatever's called and such. I don't think I want to explore that again really.

>>37451670
>As long as I cover expenses with a small treat here and there I'd be okay.
Then why are you angry that you can't get anything superior?

Also about the other things. Guitar - did you improve or not?
Sports - if you don't like it, no reason to be sad
Languages - your teacher is a fucking asshole, if you practice, you will get better and you have time to practice. Don't you?

>>37451719
How old are you?

Friends come when you're not looking for them I.e. through work or a hobby

>>37451744
I had a LDR once. That was painful. Set up a meeting after some time of internets, she didn't appear. Texted her, and with some stalker work around social media found she didn't come because she was too busy sucking some dudes off. That stuff is always shit.

>>37451711
Hehe my response says a lot about me. I've taken Sertraline without a prescription before...

>>37451724
While mockery adds to the difficulty of maintaining peace of mind, you still get to decide how you react. Does it really make sense to value yourself based on sexual success? If not, the ridicule need not affect you deeply.

>>37451681
I don't know. I was just thinking out loud. Don't think of what I said as a pity-contest. It did sound that way though now that I'm reading it again.

>>37451744
>"Better to have loved and lost then never loved at all," MY ASS!
I'd like to tell you something, but I just don't know what. It's like asking a teenage afghani boy what not being fucked in the ass feels like. No idea.

Although, having a relationship for a whole year sounds great honestly. I'm actually envious. I mean if someone told me I can not be alone but that I will get cheated after in a year I'd take that in a fucking heartbeat.

>>37451769
Again, not angry because of job specific issues, never said my happiness should come from my work-life. I just need something to wake up every morning and think "yeah I dont regret I woke up" that's it.

>Guitar
Did improve, always start strong then hit a walla and I cant get through, same with piano.
>Sports
Didn't get me that hard, still feels bad when you're fucking sucking dick on the bench and the coach just treats you like special needs kid
>Languages
I suppose the man & the woman were just trying to make me save some bucks. I struggled trying to memorize basic stuff so they just felt pity and told me "you know, maybe this isn't for you" which is fair.

>>37451867
>walla
Wall.

>>37451786
22 soon. They should've come already by now. I can't connect with the people in my major because of my problems.

>>37451758
Well therapy has never worked for me. I'd never tell the NHS (our health care system) my personal details to be logged on to a system. My main problem is, I definitely think there is some chemical imbalance in my brain which needs to be addressed. I lack the motivation to do anything, even the things I thought I was passionate about. My complete disinterest in music really bothers me, a lot.

>>37451817
I was wondering what who you took me for. Why did you do that?

>>37451867
>I just need something to wake up every morning and think "yeah I dont regret I woke up" that's it.
And why can't you say
>Yeah, I played some guitar yesterday, played it good and today I'm gonna play some more
Or
>Yeah, I learned some new vocabulary yesterday FUCK YEAH!

Why can't it be like this for you? Because you decided to?

>>37451760
You can read about higher level concepts first rather than hammering away at boring exercises. Something technological intrinsically interests you, right? Even just reading Wikipedia is better than nothing. Is introspection entertaining to you?

>>37451920
I know what a good guitar sounds like and mine wasn't it. I woke up, grabbed my guitar with aaaaaaaaaaall the joy in the world, play some notes and then remember "oh yeah I'm a fucking trashcan" and feel down the rest of the day. Or going to do your exercises of the day trying to remember the one single word you put yourself as a low-tier you can't be any lower than this exercise and still fucking it up (sources: hiragana)

I guess my biggest problem is that I sort of expect other people to be perfect because I'm so inferior. When they fuck up I get really surprised because usually I'm the one fucking up.

>>37451912
>22 soon. They should've come already by now. I can't connect with the people in my major because of my problems.

I'm 21 soon and friendless, I know how you feel.

I get these same thoughts in my head sometimes, and it really does put you off of being able to behave well in social situations.

Unfortunately I'm going through the same issues so I can't give you advice on how to make friends kek

Have you been diagnosed with anything?

>>37451929
I mean I could but I doubt I would get it. I haven't even built a computer myself, I don't think I should be reading high level stuff. Unless you have high-level kiddies version in which case I could take a look.

>>37451918
I'd give the prescription a go for while and be attentive to how it affects you. It may prove to be the best course of action, or you may need something different. Time will tell.

And yeah, I took it because it was offered to me and I am a legitimately reckless individual. I also took a family member's antipsychotics on at least a couple occasions for no real reason other than to see what they'd do to a non-schizophrenic. It wasn't pleasant. In the interest of harm reduction, I urge anyone who reads this not to do as I did.

>>37451807
It gets worse. Spend nights holding her in your arms when she's crying and in pain, telling her that you're there for her and it will all be ok soon. Spend days together lying around and simply enjoying each others' company. Then have all that time thrown away and she didn't even have the decency to tell you for almost Three Months. Its why I've given up on my life's dream of having a family and raising my own children.
>>37451866
Its not something that can be explained to someone who's never loved someone like that, no offense. And it was great, the second, longer relationship moreso. But now I can't even look at a beautiful fucking sunset without tearing up, or even fucking DRIVE without looking over where she sat so many times beside me. I can't even sleep properly anymore without her there in my arms.

>>37451972
>I woke up, grabbed my guitar with aaaaaaaaaaall the joy in the world, play some notes and then remember "oh yeah I'm a fucking trashcan" and feel down the rest of the day.
So then you try something easier. An easier song, exercise or whatever. Until you find something that is manageable to you, something that isn't so far from your level. That's how you grow. Baby steps.

>Or going to do your exercises of the day trying to remember the one single word you put yourself as a low-tier you can't be any lower than this exercise and still fucking it up
So maybe your judgement about the exercise was just wrong and it is in fact more difficult. Actually learning hiragana (or any new script) isn't simple at all, I know this because I learned the kanas. Why should you be the judge of when to give up?

You're beating yourself so damn much. Don't you see it?

>>37452021
Just read this for fun. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_science
Click on whatever links intrigue you and read about them. It doesn't matter what you understand or don't. Just see if you enjoy encountering novel information.

>>37452135
It didn't matter how easy or hard it was. I have really sensitive ears and I've heard good guitarists, my grandpa was one. Even if you play mary had a little lamb there's something about the way you play that makes it sound Idk right for the lack of a better word. Mine sounded robotic, I just hit the notes at the right time but didn't have any soul, and that infuriated me because no matter how much I practiced the same song never went away.

Also the exercise aint really that difficult, learn 1 new alphabet letter everyday should be straightforward enough.

>>37452137
Will read about it.

>>37452088
>ts not something that can be explained to someone who's never loved someone like that
You're right. I never have. You didn't offend me. I need a drink.

For you, it sucks balls, but I think it's gonna pass. Actually never mind, I honestly can't give you advice. All I can offer you is to listen and hopefully understand.

>>37451999
Nice trips. What exactly is the problem? Just having excessively high expectations of people? You already know people aren't perfect, so expect occasionally mistakes. You are likely not inferior in the way you claim. Why do you think you are?

>>37452088
Dont know how that feels. I just remember that I was so hopeful about stuff, really trusted her and we even made a promise to try and get better for each other so that whenever we met we could be just happy. Many hours talking about stupid plans and dreams, all crushed in a second with a picture, so I imagine you'd felt what I felt times a million which is incredibly painful.

>>37452216
Its good to know someone's listening, no matter how trivial my problems are in comparison. At this point I'm just a scarred, wounded, lost soul in this uncaring world.

File: 1496320199854.jpg (47KB, 600x450px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 600x450px

>>37450683
ayy a fellow brainlet. united, no tard wrangler could oppose us

>>37452191
Maybe you need to get a certain level of motor skills to be able to play with soul. You have to learn the letters before you can write poems.

>Also the exercise aint really that difficult, learn 1 new alphabet letter everyday should be straightforward enough.
Is it really? So you're expecting to learn it in one day and then know it perfectly? That's just not how human memory works, is it?

>>37452335
whops. Meant for
. Sort
>>37450686

>>37452317
I hope you'll feel better, Hero.

>>37452293
>Many hours talking about stupid plans and dreams, all crushed in a second with a picture
Fuck, nail on the goddamn head right here Nameless. We'd talked several times about what kind of house we were looking for, whereabouts we planned on living, how many kids we were gonna have (3-4, if anyone cares), and it all came down in a fucking instant. I lost my entire future and reason for living.
>>37452419
Thanks for caring meta. Appreciate it a lot.

File: 1490462411677.jpg (67KB, 332x500px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 332x500px

>>37450968
My gf told me she 100% do sexual stuff with a professor if it meant she would get better grades, obviously I told her I wasn't feeling any of that to which she replied with 'sorry but that's what I would do', I texted her good night and then I started shaking hard from the anxiety and bad feefees. I'm thinking very hard about breaking up, even if she is literally my only source of socialization and happiness. Guess I'll go get the rope.

Not exactly advice but you are not alone in this shit. Women a shit

>>37452472
Don't fucking neck yourself over a woman anon. Do you even comprehend what that does to their egos? Inflates it larger than the fucking Hindenberg.

>>37452009
No i haven't. I don't think i have any mental problems, cause i didn't used to be this way. I used to be able to talk to people, but that was before i locked myself up as a NEET for more than a year.

My main problem is that i'm not comfortable with my face and hair, so i'm always self conscious about how i look. People pick up on that in a nanosecond and it really puts them off. Especially women. Just today i saw the reaction of a cashier who went from "smiling at the customer" to "what the fuck is wrong with this guy" as i was stuttering through my interaction with her. She didn't even say thank you or goodbye after i had given her the money, she just immediately turned to the next person in line. That's how my life is basically 24/7, to every single person i talk to. I can't become a normal, happy person because of this. When i'm outside, i don't feel calm enough to enjoy the sunlight. All i feel is just stress and anxiety. I prop myself up with aggression to hide my underlying insecurities, but i can't talk to another person politely without making a fool of myself. Sorry for hitting you with a wall of text but i just wanted to write this.

>>37452350
It's the only thing I did in the entire day, ofc I expected to know it perfectly.
>>37452335
Together we could rule this ward as mongo and tard-lord.
>>37452459
sad to hear that brother, really shit when that and I understand it so fucking badly
>>37452472
Anon, as an advice, drop her as soon as you can, but dont neck yourself maybe there's hope elsewhere for you.

>>37452737
>It's the only thing I did in the entire day, ofc I expected to know it perfectly.
That's not how human memory works though. You need to revise things and get them into your long term memory by repeatedly revising whenever you forget. That's how you remember stuff. Have you ever used memrise? It's great for memorizing stuff. I use it too.

It's not like spending 4 hours learning something in one day and then remembering it perfectly for the rest of your life. You spend a minute every other day for example learning something and that's how you remember. But don't take this as exact time frame, as I said, many apps help you with this and make you revise things in intervals.

>>37452834
I usually copy stuff in a notebook a million times when I have to learn it literally. Then everyday I'd write everything I learned +new one. Stuff I failed I copied again a million times.

>>37452916
Okay. So you had your method, but if you find that some method doesn't work for you, you try something else. I'm not saying this couldn't work for someone, but I know it probably wouldn't for me. How about trying something more conventional? Like I said, some flashcard app. These are great.

Also I REALLY have to ask. When you say "million" how many times do you really mean?

>>37453004
Also I tried memrise forgot to mention. I dont remember how many "a million" were, I remember that it was enough time to make my hand hurt by the 4th day and it was a round number. So maybe 100, maybe 50, cant remember. I probably still have a notebook in my old house with all that crap.

>>37453093
You tried memrise? How did that go? Maybe you forgot something, but I bet you knew at least some characters.

>>37453117
Didn't help much when I got to a certain point. I kept forgetting at least 1 of the characters I learned so I decided to stop learning new ones until I could remember all of the ones I was already doing. Spent 3 days stuck and I finally gave in.

>>37453184
It's normal that some things just are hard for you to remember. Again, that's how our brain works. Sometimes there is a complicated word that I for some reason remember perfectly and sometimes a 4-letter word is giving me a really hard time.

Once again. That's normal! It's all a part of the learning process!

Anyways I'm gonna go sleep I think, nice talking with you guys.

>>37452737
I'd bought a ring
>>37453243
See you around hopefully.

Lil Jon would love my self esteem cause it gets low.

File: 1495966755116.png (32KB, 688x578px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 688x578px

>>37448702
>>37448702

>tfw been drunk for a week straight
>luckily have no job or friends to negatively impact with my behavior

I'm starting to get tired of drinking but at the same time my will is being eaten away with each drink

Has everyone left?

>>37453906
I'm here for the moment

>>37453906
Im here, just lurking

>>37453921
>>37453940
And how are you guys doing?

>>37453906
Lurked for a while, I have nothing to contribute.

>>37453962
Not too bad thanks, just killing time really until Saturday funtime

>>37453962
Feel without energy, but still more motivated compared to lately, didnt think about suicide for 3 days now, so thats good

Well, mind if I blog a bit? I'm feeling like shit. Its going to be long and definitely nonsensical

>>37454089
Thats nice. When I think about how good is it to not be suicidal I get a bit suicidal

>>37454130
Let's hear it Moe

>>37448702
>Anxiety issues
>Amplified due to large amounts of work related stress
>Almost have a complete breakdown due to a 6-7 day workweek with little downtime + people assume they will get an answer almost 24/7
This means I can get a message Sunday evening and someone will be annoyed if I don't answer it right away.
>Also have a lot of obligatory partying
While it sounds fun in theory it instead means that no party starts out fun, usually I have to get pretty drunk in order just to stand being there. Alcohol silences the anxiety; for a bit
>Anxiety related issues seeping into other aspects of life
>Happened before but amplified now
>Gained weight due to job and am disgusted by my own reflection
>Seeing people on the street who are thinner than me and/or better dressed gives me anxiety
>Can't enjoy things, have to fake happiness in order not to seem like a total downer
>Start questioning my relationship with my girlfriend whom I like a lot
>Almost always walk around feeling anxious nowadays

Sometimes wish I was hit by a car or something so that I could go to the hospital and at least have an excuse not to work constantly

File: however.jpg (24KB, 411x464px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 411x464px

>>37454130
>>37454160
I got on really well this past week after being dumped by the girl I was seeing (in honestly very good terms). I went out a lot, got pretty wasted, kept up with most work obligations, and most importantly, mostly avoided the girl. Which wasn't easy, since we work together (but no one else at work knew).

I'm doing some training at work where I'm coming into the office at 7am, and leave at 9 to another building some couple of blocks away, which is enough excuse to not come back and have lunch with her and the guys.
However, on thursday it was a coworker's birthday and we had some stuff to eat and this girl came to say hi and well, it was quite the surprise to the point that I acted really well. I just had no time to drop spaghetti.

I'm from Argentina, we kiss when saying hi, a bit more close when it is between girls and boys even if there is nothing happening (say, with someone's grandma). However we had an inner joke with this girl where when we would greet each other we would feel/touch each other much more than needed.

Which is what she did the moment she saw me. Is she stupid? Mean? I had both my hands occupied (food) so I just kissed her cheek. This left me all thursday beaming since even if she had dumped me, I'm retarded enough to have hope. Thursday was the first day since last saturday in which I didn't drink.

Come today, something very similar happened. Another coworker passed a test and its an office tradition to bring some kind of pastries. Everything played exactly the same. I don't know how can I still be surprised and my stomach still be sinking when seeing her. This time she didn't feel me up when kissing. Maybe it was a mistake on her part yesterday.

Day went on, kept not being able to get her out of my mind.
1/2

>>37454385
I was about to write how I would like nothing more than going back to not having her in my mind. As unhealthy as it was, I was content with my life having given up social happiness. Girls didn't even register as a possibility in my mind a couple of months ago. But I don't think it is true. I miss how it felt to have her in my mind so much, even if she didn't reciprocate, knowing she cared about me.

Anyway, came home, took an early nap, and I swear I dreamed of getting a text from her. I've never felt more pathetic. I've can now say I've dreamed on emojis. It was also one of those super real dreams where after waking up it takes some time to realize how unlikely it is and went to check my phone.

I keep thinking of things I could write her to have her give us a second chance, but I somehow know I shouldn't.

We did speak on pretty good terms this past couple of mornings, as coworkers, since no one else supposedly knows we were seeing each other.

I dunno. I hate feeling stupid.

2/2

>>37454458
Also, I'm really behind on some studying, have a final next wednesday so I promised I'd stop drinking and get studying this weekend. Today a friend is having a thing for his birthday and is ok with me not going, but knows how depressed I am.

I wonder if I should write off this day (and lets face it, most of tomorrow) as a lost cause and go drinking.

Also, I miss nick

>>37454194
>Sometimes wish I was hit by a car or something so that I could go to the hospital and at least have an excuse not to work constantly

Wow, I'd love to get hit by a car. Guess that's why I've been driving like shit lately.

>>37454524
Nearly got hit by a bus the other day. Wasn't paying attention, headphones, looking the wrong way. I wandered out into the road, notice it in time to go
>OH SHI-
and sprint out of the way. Then I looked back at the people who were standing by the traffic lights with me and not knowing what else to do shrugged and said
>Buses, huh?

>>37454581
For every happy guy out there there must be quite a few wishing to be run over.

>>37454638
At my last job I hoped to get run over every time I went in. Less so now. A bit, but less so.

>>37454675
You were working at a school now, right?

>>37454741
That's Nick m8

>>37454775
oh. What is it you spend your days doing?

Hello. I have no fucking idea where I've been or what I've been doing hte last few hours.

>>37454800
Well, what are you going to do now?

>>37454883
Took some more pills, waiting for them to kick in so I can sleep.

>>37454926
Do you take them often? Sorry that I am bothersome, I can't think of how else to entretain myself

>>37455222
I'm here. Perhaps we can entertain each other.

>>37452246
Because I'm a genuinely useless fuck always getting scolded and corrected by other people..it always seems like others are infallible while everything I do gets scrutinized.

>>37455314
Hey man, how were the shrooms?

>>37455338
In what specific ways are you useless?

>>37455363
>no talents
>no skills
>no hobbies
>poor to average social skills
>low intelligence compared to my peers
>always make stupid mistakes
>failing life
>substance abuse issues
>always being scolded and made fun of

>>37455387
Try to compare yourself to others in a more objective way. There are plenty of people who aren't talented or have plenty of hobbies or whatever who still do great at life.

>>37455350
They were fine. Didn't get any of the insight or more exotic effects I was after. I find the lower level aspects of the experience mundane at this point. I've just taken a microdose, but saved a sizeable amount to compound with what I anticipate will come my way soon. Hopefully I'll be able to reach the potential heights I'm entranced by sometime in the near future.

>>37455426
I'm not doing great at life. I'm always mentally somewhere else.

>>37455387
Utterly meaningless coming from me, but try to cut back on the deleterious substances if you can. Make sure you're eating healthily and getting daily aerobic exercise, even if it's just going for long, brisk walks.

>>37455451
You can find a hobby if you give it a little thought. Something interests you. Let's explore the possibilities. What's a talent you'd like to have?

>>37455487
I tried to quit drugs and was equally as miserable sober. I was sober and working out for six months while trying to switch jobs. I come from a long line of drug users. That's just who I am, an intoxicated guy.

>>37455526
Well desu my only hobby ever has been dream research/lucid dreaming but I don't consider it a real hobby since all it amounts to is lots of sleeping.
I want to learn music though.

>>37455433
Ok, this might have been a little bit more than a microdose haha.

>>37455451
>I'm not doing great at life. I'm always mentally somewhere else.
Sure. But so do most people.
I'm professionally doing pretty great, and have coworkers praising me every once in a while, but want to kill myself every day.

>>37455571
Do you see yourself being the guy who knows how to play an instrument for others at social settings, or as the guy who can do that, but his actual hobby is about learning music theory in a broader sense?

>>37455608
I just want to be able to jam with my friends and make up funky tunes. I dont see myself being a social player ever. My brother is Chad Musician and he wants to play socially.

>>37455537
No, it is not an innate part of your identity. It's a transient characteristic. You can find pleasurable activities with which to supplant your habit. Music is a good idea. Do you want to learn theory, pick up an instrument, use your voice, interpret or compose original pieces?

>>37455647
Ok, that's probably very easily attainable. What instrument would you like to play?

>>37455665
I want to buy my brother's keyboard so I at least have something to fuck around on. I don't have any money though so it'll be tough.

>>37455647
Thats not so hard. Guitar? The more normie the instrument the easier it'd be to learn, I guess.

>>37455719
I used to play the keyboard. It's easy to pick up and improvising tunes is great way to spend excess hours. Save whatever money you would spend on the drugs and put it towards that.

>>37455754
I'll try but it always comes back to drugs for me. I can't handle sobriety and function ok without it.

>>37455792
Do you get along well enough with your brother to ask him to lend you his keyboard?

>>37456058
I get along very well with him but he lives 60 miles away.

>>37456067
It doesn't sound like that much. Have lunch on saturday, pack some weed, and go visit him. Why not?

I think I'm lonely, but I can't seem to form connections with anyone. I have friends that I see regularly, but I feel like I'm just putting on a mask whenever I'm around them, or anyone for that matter

>>37456747
The business of the persona is almost spiritually unsanitary and yet an unpleasant necessity.

Hello lads, how have you been lately?

I've been having severe depression for months now, barely manage to eat once a day.

I'm starting to lose weight faster than i can gain any.
Im 6'2 and 53 kilos.
Everytime i move my bones audibly rattle.(not really)

Im not complaining, just not sure if it's healthy.

>>37457053
Here's to you, Bort
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6-ZGAGcJrk

File: 1487232226344.gif (338KB, 538x572px) Image search: [Google]

338KB, 538x572px

>>37457104
Touche, my friend.
Hope you're having it better than myself.

I'm back everyone! What've I missed?

>>37457207
The second coming of christ.

>>37456747
Also sometimes go up to three days without sleeping or feeling tired

>>37457262
Well shit I'm still here so I missed the Rapture.

File: IMG_9757.jpg (1MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3264x2448px

Kid asked me today what my biggest regret was. Got me feeling feels, told him(he's 9-10), "I kissed her." He didn't get it but I had to walk away and go compose myself. So just feeling down. Pic related didn't help, just made the sadness worse.