Psych Issues Thread:

I guess nobody's here yet.

2 hours earlier than normal. You earn a gold star from me but i suppose most people doesnt bother to check this early.

spend most of my day in a meeting, was kinda slow but i got confirmation that my emplyer's gonna pay for some classes for me this fall. so that's good.

>>37382023
Usual time I jump in the threads and theres usually a few responses by now. That's fantastic news! Few dollars saved is always a good thing.

>>37382023
If you don't have a job you can check all day.

>>37382079
I'm at work, but I'm on break for another 40ish minutes. Thread'll be busy when I have to leave.

>>37381412
I will probably leave my current mental hospital in 1-2 weeks
I haven't been outside a hospital for more than two weeks in the last 18 months
University starts again in October and I am unsure if I can stay at home for that long
Being inside all day for months is probably going to make my mental problems bigger again

>>37382105

Rough. How did you end up in a facility? I sometimes wonder if that would help me but don't want to put a financial and mental burden on my family.

>>37382105
Have you tried taking evening walks? Just walking around after the day dies down, but before night falls? Most peaceful time of the day besides sunrise?

>>37382071
in this case it's over a month worth of salary. it's also classes to get better at my job so if my employer didnt pay i would probably never take them.
loads emone, feels good that im worth spending on.

>>37382079
that is usually what i do on my days off, i also feel ridiculous for checking in the morning when the earliest i've ever seen the thread was late afternoon

>>37382154
And that last sentence didn't need a question mark.
>>37382163
Always good to be needed. Definitly feels goodman.

>>37382163
Yea I usually miss the threads I check in the morning fuck around all day and then check them out when they archived at night.

>>37382148
>How did you end up in a facility?
Psychiatrist and GP convinced me to go
First I went to a day hospital mainly for my social anxiety(now AvPD), then to a big university hospital to become more stable, after that DBT for my borderline, then big university hospital again to get stable, and now I am in a soteria for my schizophrenia

It helped me a lot and my insurance paid for all of it(probably over 6 digits worth of money now)
>>37382154
I live in a kinda bad part of the city

>>37382183
so how have you been doing today?

I've been feeling alright today,
I like tuesdays because it's the weekday when I don't have uni and I usually get shit done in the morning, like laundry and cleaning the room.

Also this morning a really good artist friend of mine connected in chat and I told her for the nth time that I love the drawing she made for me, and she told me that she wish she could do better,
but she's already really REALLY fucking good, in a way it's nice to know that even her feels this way about her art like I feel about mine.

>>37382245
Do you drive? If so get out and enjoy some countryside.
>>37382367
I've been at work since 9:30, and will be here until 7:30. Long ass day on twoish hours sleep.

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>>37382105
is that hospital helping you anyhow?

I never met a person who really got anything good out of it. Most just exit exactly the same and/or relapse in some time.

I think that they are a complete waste of time and a pretty hellish experience

>>37382446
My brother said it was absolute Hell. Worst experience of his life.

>>37382105
Take up hiking. Its really nice to be able to just walk around and think or even just look at scenery. It will get you out of your house.

>>37382410
Everyone always disses their own work. It is natural to be somewhat self-depreciating.
>>37382471
Hey Facet how's everything?
>>37382446
Never been, so I can't say.

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What does this mean? Is it bad?

>>37382514
What original test is this?

How do you guys make friends? I don't have a job. I live in a 200k population small town with literally nothing to do. most of the friends I met were through school. I go to local auto events since its a hobby of mine but there isn't shit to do around here other than that.

>>37382410
It's a woman. Have you considered she is fishing for compliments?

>>37382528
I'm in a similar situation, but I live in a 5-digit population town in the ass-end of my homestate.

>>37382527
This http://similarminds.com/personality_test.html

>>37382418
>Do you drive?
No
Also I am on so many meds it's probably a bad idea
>>37382446
>is that hospital helping you anyhow?
They helped me greatly with my AvPD, and my schizophrenia
Before I went to the hospital I couldn't talk
>>37382489
I will look into it
Thanks

Hey guys, I just got here.

>>37382547
Pretty sure she's not,
also everyone that draws kinda wants compliments

>>37382514
It means that you have issues, and from the looks of it, it's pretty bad.

>>37382528
friends are spooks brah

>>37382613
How fucked am I?
oregagogaoga

>>37382575
I'll do this on next long break.
>>37382576
That's unfortunate. Nature really does help the mind, most people don't have the proper appreciation anymore. Just sitting there and enjoying existing.
>>37382581
Hey Eh how's everything going?

>>37382569
yea I feel a lot of anxiety so its hard for me to go out and do stuff and really waters down good expierences. I am trying to make deeper connections with people everywhere I go now. Even online such as this forum board and an MMO I have started to play. I started talking in the online community and participating in it and it feels good. I wish real life were this easy.

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>>37381412
>How has your day been friends?
>friends
we are not your friends namefaggot
we are ragtag bunch of people posting on always original part of imageboard with very bad rep
but that doesn't matter in the long run, does it?
It is all useless, you live, you do trivial shit to have enough money for food and roof over your head, and then you die
of course you can do trivial shit or expensive shit or difficult shit, but it is always same shit.
None of this matters to anyone
we are alone in this world
resistance is futile

>>37382418
damn, 2 hours or sleep is really rough even without work.

>>37382410
couldnt that be a strong driving force for improvements? as long as you dont equate your self worth with your ability to draw..

>>37382528
i live in a large 100k pop town. havent figured out how to make friends yet, but i've found stuff to do. which means ways to meet new people. that alone has felt really good and im thinking eventually i'll find a friend aswell

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Hey Tubby Two-Forks, have you given up on shopping for clothes and settling for couch covers yet? Sure looks like it. Do you have more then one or are you poor as well as fat? I bet that's your interview 'outfit' and it's trash bags stapled together the rest of the week, huh? Got to offset those fast food bills somehow.

>>37382547
god damn it Dan.

also how've you been?

>>37382637
I've seen worse, but it looks like you have trust issues. Do you socialize much?

>>37382505
Hi Hero, still in a bit of a funk. No energy each day, sitting around the house feewling miserable. At least I have work tomorrow. I was thinking about how I live for the one day of the week I can have some time alone to drink and watch Chinese cartoons, and if that doesn't even bring me pleasure anymore, what's it all for? I dunno man, I've got to make a change here. This doesn't feel like any kind of living.

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>tfw bipolar type 2
>tfw I've been on a hypomanic kick for about 16 hours now

Please god let me sleep I'm so exhausted but I feel like I have to do a million things instead

>>37382638
I'm doing pretty well, thanks for asking Hero

>>37382724
Originally I don't socialize a lot.

>>37382756
Hm, why is that?

Today marked the beginning of another spiral into darkness for me.

I've been doing less than optimally for a while now, but today I finally know I'm going to have another breakdown. It'll actually be kind of interesting watching things fall apart this time. It'll hurt, and I'm scared of what comes after (I'm sure I don't have many chances left, if any).

I'm so, so very tired of trying.

>>37382779
No friends.

can somebody do something about this original comment shit?

>>37382652
Are you on anything to mitigate the anxiety?
>>37382660
It doesn't matter, so might as well try to enjoy it as much as you can.
>>37382668
I wish I could sleep more, but I cannot stay asleep no matter what I do.
>>37382725
This sounds like the past several years of my life. If you figure out how to get through it let me know.
>>37382739
That's rough.
>>37382745
Of course.

>>37382711
Kinda up and down. Mostly drunk. I was very angry today, almost got into a fight with some monks (long story).

However something quite interesting happened today. One of my colleagues admitted to having mental issues. He said that he used to have tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and only thing that made it go away was antidepressants. He says that he was mostly stabilized for the last 10 years, but before that he was always raging, almost couldn't drive the car because he would go ballistic at everyone. Always suicidal. Actually the symptoms he described sound A LOT like me right now. Except I'd never talk about it at work.

One more funny thing, the problems kinda came back to him recently and apparently I've been one of the triggers. Funny, huh? I mean I'm a pretty hateful guy, I'm not short to berate someone and, well, I've been at the company for shorter time than him and I have about 10 years less experience (not kidding, guy is almost 40) but still people rather go to me than him and I'm usually considered to be more technically competent, which apparently is a huge source of insecurity for him. Being overstepped by a guy who is 15 years younger.

I'd never have thought he has such problems. He has a beatiful wife, two children, enough money, own apartment (paid off). I just don't get it. We usually have some pretty funny conversations about women though.

I went to a therapist for my anger issues and all I got so far was a narc diagnosis. Marvelous.

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>>37382863
Thankfully nothing really bad happens when I'm hypomanic outside of the sleeplessness. All I get the urge to do is read a lot, watch movies, and masturbate a ton. Its like the least destructive mental health thing honestly? It actually sometimes ends up pretty constructive, like I'll get around to reading a couple dozen of essays I've been meaning to, or catching up on a TV series I enjoy, etc. Its just EXHAUSTING.

>>37382863
Do you have a hair-trigger temper too? I don't think people can tell beyond, for example, Nick saying there's something in my voice, barely held back from snapping all the time. But I consider him to be an especially observant person. About three times today I've felt a rising wave of anger that I stopped around my shoulder swelling out from my chest and if it had reached my hand I would have smashed the nearest thing to me against the wall. That's every day, too. I'm glad I haven't smashed my laptop to pieces yet but I've come close. I think I've got pretty good at disguising it, but I'm not sure about that either. Can people tell when you don't make any sudden moves or let it come onto your face, just feel it rise like a scream that you never let loose?

>>37382810
Why don't you have friends anon?

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>>37382863
>so might as well try to enjoy it as much as you can.
and yet, enjoying it as much as we can leads to debauchery, degeneracy and is not acceptable by society. Here we have conundrum: ignore society over the threats which ignoring society in its entirety gives you, or conform, and lose self identity
Living the life for the sake of living seems empty, and seeking sense in it seems pointless

>>37383006
I used to go out till 8th grade. Then I went to high school and started kicking it inside more and more on my PC. People from my class are all normies and they mostly think I'm a weirdo.
I'm also hella shy.

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frogposter here
posting my high score from your personality test
I have no idea what numbers mean, and I care very little about it, but I am curious
am I considered more insane than rest of humans?

>>37381412

Still no Nick? What's wrong with him this time?

>>37382908
Some people cannot stand others being better than them.
>>37382930
How long have you gone to this therapist?
>>37382974
Sounds nice. I have the sleeplessness without the energy. Spent hours watching my alarm clock.
>>37382998
No, but when I do I'm completly gone until the red have goes away.
>Can people tell when you don't make any sudden moves or let it come onto your face, just feel it rise like a scream that you never let loose
I can tell.
>>37383008
Its a balance between joy for yourself and making the world better for those you care for.

>>37383082
How can you tell? This might be quite useful to me.

>>37382998
I have very similar problems (I've destroyed many things) and I think people definitely can tell.

For me it's like I have to do something, some movement to let go of this random "energy". Like clench my fists so hard I drive my nails into my palms and they bleed or push against my temples with my hands. It's kinda bad though, these random twitches. It makes you look deranged, then again, I am.

People have many times told me I look extremely angry, so I either suck at disguising it or they can tell.

>>37383062
Were you always shy? Do you dislike the normies in your class?

>>37382998
That's an interesting way to describe anger. Anger for me is a drive to get shit done and annihilate any obstacle in the way. It's absolutely a positive thing and not one I would want to subdue or disguise. But I get too rarely angry for my own good, that's my problem.

>>37382863
do you feel tired though?
i have some relatively minor issues with sleep. but those days when i only manage a few hours im ready to pass out at any moment after i've started my day

>>37382908
i really liked that story. that fact that he's so similar to you means there's a lot to learn from his experience.
having a wife, money and appartment isnt enough to feel good. and apparently neither is being considered better at a job than someone with far more experience, even though the very same person is obsessing over inferiority.

im also really curious how it's even possible to almost get into a fight with some monks. i havent even seen a monk anywhere in europe.

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>>37383082
>making the world better for those you care for.
What if world is better for those I care for if I am far enough from them to not hurt them with my inconsiderate decisions and toxic behaviour?
Isn't it better to just lock myself in some dark place and never leave it?

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>>37383082
I'm pretty energetic even when I'm baseline so its basically like pressing the turbo button on my brain even though I know that actually reduced the processor speed okay I'm not a dummy!!

>>37383082
>Some people cannot stand others being better than them.
If it was only that, then sure. But I was kinda mean to him. Still, this guy openly talked about being suicidal to a coworker he only knows for a year. He must be out of his fucking mind to be this open about his problems in a workplace that is rather toxic. I'm afraid this can't end well for him.

>>37383122
Yeah, I grew up shy. I don't really dislike them for being normies but we just don't get along. We don't like the same things and some of them are really annoying and dumb.

>>37383078
From those numbers, you seem more emo and solitary than the rest. I'm curious about the prevalence of both schizoid and avoidant personality disorder. I didn't think you could get both, even on a test.

>>37382668
it is, but like, my life is drawing, so my only reason to live is improvement in drawing

>>37382998
I kind of wish I was a raging person on edge. I have people that I would like to beat the shit out of.

>>37383161
Do you distrust them? Do you think that they want to hurt you?

>>37383102
Yeah, that's familiar but I try not to respond physically at all. Occasionally an eye twitch or some such gets away from me though.

>>37383123
I feel angry all the time and it's mostly directionless, or rather misdirected. Just shouting at the TV and things when in fact I think I'm frustrated with my life on a fundamental level.

>>37383174
It's not terribly helpful and adults cannot, for the most part, act on their anger or else their lives fall ever more significantly apart.

>>37383168
>solitary
yes
>emo
as in black hair over eyes and everything is lost? Not at all
I often joke that we live and then we die and nothing matters, but most of time I mean it as a joke
thank you for your answer

>>37383199
Nah. I don't think they wanna hurt me.

>>37383081
Either he got banned again, out socializing, or busy with his issues.
>>37383100
Its like watching an animal about to attack. You ever watch any size cat, for example, stalk then pounce on something? That tenseness before the strike is the same.
>>37383129
I'm always tired. Don't sleep properly and can never makr it up.
>>37383130
I try to live by not hurting anyone, but that is simply because I cannot stand seeing others hurting.
>>37383139
You lost me what?
>>37383144
At this point he's probably so open about his problems because he no longer cares.

>>37383467
Yeah, and that's the worst part. I want revenge, but I'm thinking about other things.

>>37383484
Huh, well, it looks like it's not actually that bad. Are you having any other problems?

>>37383491
Hmm, yes I can imagine that same bodily tension translating. No idea how I can more effectively disguise that though. It gives me a literal headache as it is if I have to keep running at high tension for too long.

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>>37383491
You know, on old computers, the turbo button? I must be really old. What it actually did was clock down your processor or return it to its base clockspeed, it was a way to make sure your games didn't run too fast or too slow, since so many of them didn't autoadjust based on available clockcycles. so like commander keen could run way too fast to be playable!! god I must be ancient huh

>>37383522
Why do you bottle it up in the first place?

>>37383129
>there's a lot to learn from his experience
Yeah I was even wondering if I should tell him about my states of mind. When talking to him I am usually very openly bitter and hateful, especially against women. He always says that it seems that something is bothering me, I think that's why he shared these experiences. He can probably on some level sense that we are alike, but until now he apparently didn't trust me. That's my explanation anyways.

Still, I don't know what I can learn from him. If anything it's that sometimes doing your best really isn't enough. Oh and also that I should start popping pills.

>im also really curious how it's even possible to almost get into a fight with some monks. i havent even seen a monk anywhere in europe.
Well it's this buddhist cult. It's pretty much a scam to get money out of people. Point is, these guys aren't like your typical beggars, they are extremely passive agressive (well what would you expect from buddhists), they always smiling but still trying to pressure you into doing what they want. One of them stepped in my way and asked if I have ever seen a monk before, I told him that I haven't, but that I see dirty bald faggots like him every day. They weren't too fond of this comment. I have personal hate for these people because my sisters ex who I actually had to threaten with death to leave her alone joined this kind of cult. Another long story.

>>37383522
You need some sort of channel. Something to pour your anger into that keeps you from hurting someone. For example my boss throws a tennis ball at the back wall of his office repeteadly until he's calmed down.
>>37383529
Yeah sorry you switched thoughts mid-sentence and I couldn't keep up.

>>37383550
I don't see what other option there is, especially at work. Not to mention, I'm usually angry about nothing in particular. Just angry because I'm depressed I suppose.

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>>37383491
I enjoy hurting people who deserve it, whether it is physical hurt, emotional hurt or some elaborate scheme with no apparent people behind it
But I rarely hurt people anymore, it became too much of a bother
False people bother me a lot, and yet, I am terribly doublefaced person. Pathetic!

>>37383520
How the fuck do I get friends?

>>37383595
I don't see how anyone can enjoy causing pain. It bothers me to see people hurting.
>>37383596
Go to places hosting things relevant to your issues, and attempt conversation.

>>37383172
what's that like? i really cant relate to it

>>37383491
have you tried treatments and stuff to improve?

>>37383596
Just talk to people. That's the hardest part. Put yourself into a situation where you have to talk to others. Then ask them about their interests and other things.

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>>37383641
>Shy
>Introverted
>"Go talk to people"
WELPPPPPPPPPPP

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>>37383622
Pain is valuable lesson Hero
It shows people who feel it that it is not enjoyable
If their brain make connection that touching hot iron makes pain, they don't touch hot iron anymore
Same with all their wrongdoings
In some way, pain is the best teacher ever
Also, making people squirm in pain is fun, but again, very unacceptable in modern society

>>37383670
Yeah... that's why it's the hardest part.

>>37383633
I can't even afford to get a diagnosis for my issues, its bullshit.
>>37383701
This is true but I can't hurt people, at least for long. Watching people hurt is awful.
>>37383670
It is awful but it is the only path, unfortunately.

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>>37383670
I actually have good advice for you:
frequent your local library
from time to time, librarian will engage you with short chit chat over books
It will not be meaningful discussion over life or important stuff, but that is all you need
meaningless short chats, it will help you with shyness

>>37383584
>switched thoughts mid-sentence

Yeah sorry I didn't even realize I did that even though I typed it out, shit. I'm sorry. Flight of thought is a real thing for me I guess, oops!

>>37383776
Its fine but I'm too tired to keep up.

I'll be back later, work calls!

>>37383569
>Still, I don't know what I can learn from him. If anything it's that sometimes doing your best really isn't enough.

arent you completely missing the point here? the lesson i saw was being top shit in society doesnt do anything for your mental health. it doesnt matter how much better than everyone else you are at whatever, it doesnt matter how hot your wife is or how fat of a pay check you get. if your mind is set on hating everything then you'll keep on hating no matter what happens around you.

i really hate people that are religious just to get a sense of belonging and feel superior cause of it

>>37383633
pain most of the time

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>>37383762
>Watching people hurt is awful.
meh, that depends from person to person
and nothing blocks you from freeing them from pain in any way you deem it, whether by returning them phone you stole, stopping your blackmail or anything else
But sometimes, stuff are too far gone to fix them
Like broken teapot, some stuff and relations cannot be fixed once broken

>>37383807
See you soon Hero.

>>37383762
did you try googling to find out techniques to improve sleep? there are a shit ton of them.
and murrica!!! ?

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Been contemplating suicide far more than usual the past couple of days. I'm tired of doing nothing with my life, even getting a job is just occupying my mind for a few hours every day so I can spend money repeating a cycle I don't have much interest in. I'm too tired and disassociated to seek a relationship, doesn't help I'm probably not relationship material anyway. Nothing interests me anymore, every day is the same. Counselling never helped and neither did meds. Every little reason I thought I had to not kill myself is turning into a reason to do it and the biggest indicator that I'm in the shitter is the fact I'm browsing /r9k/ and feeling myself actually relate with the people here.

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>>37383880
>Been contemplating suicide
ok then, let me tell you what will happen now:
either you kill yourself and all of this will be over
OR
you will stay alive, and everything will become as meaningless as dust over fireplace

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>>37382514
Hey we're pretty similar

>>37383880
Then get it over with and quit wasting everyone's time.

>>37383987
I don't know how am I supposed to react to this.
Let's be friends???

>>37384033
hey sure if you want you got discord, stranger?

>>37383815
Yeah maybe I am missing the point. He always seems to be positive. Having the right attitude. I mean, the shit he described sounds a lot like me right now and he's still alive even though he only took the antidepressants god knows how long ago. He almost doesn't drink (3 pints of beer is enough for him to be very drunk). But still, the slightest thing can really throw him off. But I guess that's borderline for you.

Still, I'm wondering if I should talk to him honestly about my problems. I haven't talked to anyone offline about my issues. I even thought he might be lying to get me to become comfortable, but that must be paranoia talking.

About the monks, what pisses me off that it's mostly to get money out of people. Like Jehovas witnesses. If it was just religious people acting smug, I'd just ignore them.

>>37384083
ehm... k0mplex#3141 <--

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>>37382514
I'm dying at the averages (in grey) versus my results. Good god.

>>37384231
>ENFP
lulzlulzlulzlulzlulzlulz

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>>37384252
I'm the bipolar type 2 person posting itt are you surprised that I'm ENFP??

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>>37382514
mmmh, very weird questions, also this is the first time I don't get INTJ

>>37384098
there's a lot of variables. you can probably be borderline and prone to bouts of rage and still live a life youre pleased with.

from my point of view theres no reason for my to lie about those things. i think it might be good to talk to him about his and you experienses, as long as you can keep an honest mind and not have the convo focusing around proving points and hiding weaknesses

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Hello everyone. If you had a very large sum of money that was reserved solely for a charitable cause (no matter how poor you are, you are prohibited from donating to yourself), where would you funnel this cash to effect the most positive change? Can be a generic cause or a specific organization.

>>37383829
I don't enjoy the causing it.
>>37383831
And I'm back.
>>37383853
Tried several, refuse to use drugs because I'll get hooked. Hard.

>>37384433
Holy shit, reading the description of ISFJ, this might really be me instead of INTJ
I've been living a lie all my life

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>>37384485
well, different people enjoy different things, if it wasnt that way, it will be dull as fuck

Well now I've got in an argument with my gf over something trivial. One of those trivial things that stack.

>>37384485
Hey, the thread started to die without you.

>>37384484

I'd give it to the Catholic Church.

>>37384547

Tell us all about it. All.

>>37384547
What's the trivial thing Facet?

>>37384484
I'd try to help those I could with the money myself, because most charities keep 60%+ for themselves even though they are "non-profit."
>>37384528
This is true. One to hurt and one to heal.
>>37384547
What was it about?
>>37384551
I can keep it aive for another hour, then I'll be gone for around 2.

>>37384484
I'd say some local place so i can see what they really do with my money

>>37384484
I'd give it to prostate cancer research.

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>>37384579
>aive
alive.

>>37384579
That'll be good enough.

>>37384579
If my connection is still strong when you leave and nothing major comes up, I'll do what I can to keep the thread going.

>>37384571
>>37384579
>>37384576
If you want.

So basically I sit here all day with her either playing video games or shitposting. Now, I like watching TV shows that require just a bit of concentration. You know, standard 50 minute HBO type shit. She, on the other hand, only wants to watch Family Guy and other completely inane 'Four in a Bed'/ 'Come Dine With Me' brainrot garbage. So then, I was trying to push it that we might watch something with a plot and now she's upset. I've been sat here bristling all day just wishing she'd leave and I could get tanked desu. Need to do something about this or the whole thing is going to crash and burn.

>>37384619
Why that? I'm just curious.

>>37384663
I do my best, with Nick absent and no message.
>>37384664
Appreciate it meta.
>>37384666
Can you find something in the middle, to slowly draw her into the more complex shows? Those garbage CSI shows for instance?

>>37384666
What were the specific words that you used with her, Facet?

>>37384666

Satan, that post sounds like me.

I wonder what would happen if you met a female version of Nick.

Actually, I don't.

You'd fall in love for the first time in your life.

>>37384666
Good luck with that. I personally like to watch garbage TV shows, because I don't actually watch them half the time. I usually just daydream, but others can't tell the difference. I spend most of my day thinking.

>>37384484
planned parenthood and education for the poor. if i had to choose only one it would be education.

>>37384485
fair enough, i wouldnt wanna medicate this kinda stuff either. heres hoping it'll get better eventually.

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>>37384579
and yet, healing people brings glory and acceptance, while hurting them brings unfamy and shunning
But it have to be this way, or we would fall as a species
>I can keep it aive for another hour, then I'll be gone for around 2.
your round in hospital will come up, right?

>>37384695
It's more common than breast cancer, but gets almost half the funding. We gotta look out for men too.

>>37384724
You're a great conversationalist. You'll do fine.

Hey guys im drunk and quite happy. I passex my tests.
So thats about it. Ill go to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow

>>37384807
See you tomorrow Atlas. Have fun being drunk.

>>37384726

"You peabrain piece of shit: Family Guy is a shit show, my dude. Is it because your mind is a junkyard that you need to fill it with crap? Would something slightly more intellectual, like the Simpsons, offend your spirit with its presumptous humor? You want to watch Dine with Me but you can't cook for shit? Is your brain in need of oxygen? Shall we watch a documentary on your inferiority as a gender? My dude?"

>>37384762
The moment I start taking sleep meds is the day I lose the ability to live myself. Already take allergy meds daily, don't want anything else in my system.
>>37384772
Nope still at work. They overstaffed and I'm senior employee by 3 years on next-closest worker, so I can take what breaks I want.
>>37384801
Thanks. I can't help anyone with their issues but can keep the thread up.
>>37384807
Congratulations Atlas!

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>>37384807
We've never met but I'm happy you did well on your exams! They can be stressful and I'm happy you made it through! I'm always rooting for you!!

>>37384748
I have anime and vodka for that, once a week.

>>37384747
Well Nicola better be able to put up with a lot of shit then

>>37384726
Probably something impatient about her giving it a chance, and
>Do you have any better ideas? If so go ahead
Apparently she regularly knows what she doesn't want to do but not what she does. So then I said 'So I'M suppose to real through some fuckin' list while you veto everything-
>No, WE will find something. You always act like it's all you
>Look. Next time I can't come to a conclusion that you like - because I'm not holding my breath on your coming up with anything - then I'm just going to sit in a bar

So then the atmosphere was heavy for a while before I came to the idea that when we're next bored with nothing better to do then we'll go work out. That really means I'll go work out but she's dead weight at the gym anyway.

>>37384724
She's watched them before, but she seems to have a genuine aversion to concentration. I need to concentrate to relax if I'm not drinking. I need a distraction from all the rage and other bullshit going on with me. I like to listen to talk radio while I play Dark Souls for example, but I'm sick of that for now. Played those fucking things to death.

>>37384869
To be fair she loves laughing at feminists and blacks being humiliated. I get tired of that too, since it's all the same stale shit.

>>37384869
Are you serious? I'm still laughing, but man... Did you really expect any results other than what you got? Is apologizing an option for you?

>>37384901
>Well Nicola better be able to put up with a lot of shit then

He can. He's been trained, hardcore. S/He help you grow along the years, then he would love you like a son, then he'd find love somewhere else but still wouldn't abandon you, and everything would crash in the most brutal and painful way imaginable.

>>37384807
cheers!

>>37384872
im terrified of those kind of meds. any mind altering ones actually, i was asked if i wanted antidepressants once. turned it down so hard in a heartbeat

>>37384901
Have you played the 3rd? Finally got it last Thursday, already put 13ish hours into it. Made almost 0 forward progress, only gotten the first of the lords last night.
>Apparently she regularly knows what she doesn't want to do but not what she does
So your gf is a girl and not a ladyboy. >>37384951
Exactly. My mind is my own, never taken anything mind-altering.

>>37384901
Do you care very much about maintaining this relationship?

>>37384947
That assumes I would give nearly so much as she does about 'cheating', stealth Nick. It's a trivial issue to me.

>>37384986
Yeah, I've played the third to death as well. Only done the DLCs once or twice but honestly, I don't really care for them.

>>37384988
Yeah, it's important. We live together, it's too much of a good situation to squander.

>>37384929
>Are you serious?

No, that wasn't Facet.

That was me.

Rice.

>>37385022
I have avoided watching anything on them since the game dropped becauce I knew it'd be awhile before I played, and didn't want the traps ruined.

>>37385056
Well I won't be the one to spoil it for you, but you were right to give me a heads up. The first playthrough of any Souls game is the most rewarding after all.

>>37385022
>It's a trivial issue to me.

You don't sound in love. Would you feel worse alone, or better?

>>37385088
I know that I would be in great pain if we were to break up since I tried it before. If I was alone I'd be more of a mess than I am now. My house would go to shit, I'd probably spend nearly every day drinking and barely eating and I'd probably start missing work.

>>37385054
Well, it was funny regardless. I can easily hear him saying that. Not feeling particularly responsible today, are we?

>>37385120
What happens when you try to sensitively make amends?

>>37385174
It comes off as insincere because it usually is. In any given situation I'm trying to be the mature one and resolve things, talk it out. However, that usually comes off as patronising because strained, contained anger comes off as rather sarcastic. In fact, she doesn't seem to recognise that when I hit that low tone where I'm not swearing and my voice goes cold then that's when she ought to try and meet me half way.

>>37385087
Exactly. That feeling of accomplishment is hard to match.

>>37385120

>mess
>drinking
>missing work

Sounds about right.

gonna sleep now

also dark souls is great, im almost done with the last dlc now

>>37385226
Where's that thespian spirit? Are your apologies regarded as insincere as well? Have you ever even issued one?

>>37385149
>Well, it was funny regardless.

I hope so, I was trying to be funneh. And no, I feel responsible for a whole lot, but not this and not tonight.

I'm not really here.

>>37385261
Even considered MDMA? It seems promising for certain disorders.

>>37385273
Night night then York, have fun with it

>>37385281
I'd say I have but once my father said I apologised too much so now I have problems doing that anymore

>>37385322
*Ever
I fucking hate this. Fungi are my only balm.

>>37385273
Good night York, see you around.
>>37385322
Hey meta what would you do with the money from your earlier post?

>>37385344
That seems silly. What are the problems with apologizing "too much?" What worries you about being the kind of person to apologize excessively?

>>37385149
Have you ever seen F is for Family? Regardless, when I reach my limit I tend to blow up in that Bill Burr fashion, most often on some shopkeeper or bus driver or whatever.

>>37385388
It seems weak. I still regret apologising for various things even though I was in the wrong. Admitting mistakes can, depending on context, compromise dignity or status.

>>37385344

Your father probably behaved in a way that made you feel guilty and bad, so you apologised. The tragedy being that he made you feel bad for apologising as well.

I would kneefuck your father in the brain and not feel bad about it. I hate your parents.

Work calls again everyone, I'll be back in around 2 hours if the thread is still up.

>>37385369
It's difficult to say. I hear good things about Oxfam, but haven't investigated their expenditures closely enough. I would be tempted to give it all to fundamental research in neuroscience and artificial intelligence. I think giving to the poor or focusing on specific diseases like cancer may not be the best choice in the long-term. But I ask the question because I'm very uncertain. The calculus is far too complex to predict outcomes in the far future, which I believe is likely to be more ethically significant (probably more organisms with more capacity to suffer, potentially exporting life to other planets, simulated entities that may be able to suffer, etc.) than the present.

>>37385459
Alright, have a good one Hero.

>>37385431
Yeah, that sounds about right. I'm always second guessing myself when I consider apologising now; whether it will make me seem weak when I should just refuse to give ground for the sake of saving face. The thing is, I never respected him for not apologising I just thought he was an asshole. That was when he shot back that I apologised too much with a real note of disgust in his voice and it stuck with me.

whatsup guys im back, what did I miss? Just put all the seats back in my car for rainy driving tonight.

Boys, I think Im autistic. A girl kept looking and smiling at me but I didnt aproach her, I couldnt get it together and I just kept looking back like a sperg.

>>37384484
I would fund medical research for rare diseases. You know, the ones that don't have cures because not enough people have them.
I'd also promote technological development and literacy.
No donating to charities and especially not to anti-discrimination charities. My money is exclusively buying technology, teachers and doctors. And I'd keep a close eye on it. The idea of accidentally donating money to an asshole is physically painful.

>>37385501

Your father is an asshole. Apologising to him, while noble, perhaps only reflected his own anusness to himself, which he couldn't stomach, so he attacked right back at you.

In my opinion, you know when to apologise and when not to. You're doing perfectly well in that area. It doesn't depend on whether you apologise too much or not enough, it depends on who you apologise to.

If you speak to an anus, expect some shit.

>>37384484
Homeless men's charities, I'd say. They don't get a fair shake.

>>37385516
I do that with men too. I don't know how to strike up a conversation but I can't stop staring.

Any specific reason you didn't approach her?

>>37385552
Well I'll give you a specific example that I think about every so often. Back at high school. There was some little shit pestering me. Really winding me up until I blew my top. So I'd had enough. I reared back-
-and accidentally hit some guy behind me. Now, I apologised immediately because I was completely in the wrong. It was a total accident. He left, cleaned himself up. The guy who'd pissed me off was laughing his ass off.

Now, a while later the guy I'd hit had a head on me. Tall, handsome, smart. So he walls me up and I'm there apologising as he shows off to these two Stacies. I'm being completely apologetic because of course I don't have a leg to stand on here. I hit him. It was fair enough for him to be pissed off.

The reason I keep going back to this is because he used it as an excuse to show off and to make me look pathetic. If I'd had a mind to, I could have kicked the shit out of him. Thrown his lanky ass on the floor and stomped on his face. What's more, if I'd done that no one would have messed with me for a while.

In short, I shouldn't have apologised even though I was wrong, I should have absolutely savaged him and if I could go back, that's what I'd do. Fucking cunt, everything handed to him.

>>37385425
Curious. I would say I'm more reluctant to apologize when I feel it won't be appreciated and will subsequently feel a desire to punish the recipient for trampling on my extension of goodwill. But I do see what you mean. I don't tend to be pointedly insulting when I'm enraged or even at all. Insults don't appeal much to me. Mine is a more simian anger than all that, sadly.

>>37385603
I was with some mates and I was in "bro mode" making fun of one of them. Then I saw her and we kinda stared at each other, more than just the usual "oh shit they caught me staring". I just kept saying to myself that it cant be true, and I have no chance either way. Maybe I knew that if I went to her I would have an audience and they would all stare.

>>37385722
The correct course of action in that situation seems to me to be offering the apology for hitting him but also demanding that he back the fuck off and warning him that even though you admit the wrongdoing, failure to leave you alone will not end well. You can be both apologetic and assertive.

>>37385839
Well regardless, I didn't do that either. Plus, I would never have thought of that. It's one or the other. I know that that lacks nuance and isn't even correct, but that's how it'd go in my mind.

>>37385789
Approaching a woman when you're with friends is not a good idea, if you ask me. It's weird to be faced with one guy potentially interested in you, and his friends observing the situation in the background. I'd turn down the guy regardless just to get out of the spotlight.

>>37381412
Hi guys, how are you doing?

>>37386086
Yeah alright, simmered down a bit from earlier. Still a little pissed off but less so than I was for having vented. You?

>>37386086
Pissed off, for once.

>>37385994
I dont think they would have interfered, they arent like that, i guess I was just looking for some reasons now, I might have made it seem like they would stand right by me and be obnoxious. End of the line is, from tomorrow I have to change, too many missed opportunities by just staying a beta bitch, not even finding a partner, but even job offers.

>>37386158
>>37386134

Hmm. I think pissed off is better than a lot other feelings.

I'm doing ok. This "crisis" of mine that got me so worked up that got me being in these threads didn't go unnoticed by a couple of friends who are really stepping up, keeping me busy. I should be a lot more grateful than I am I guess.

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>>37386086
Tired of posting, honestly. If the thread dies down and needs a bump, I'll give it, but I don't feel up to responding a whole bunch. Sorry, Hero.

It's going to be a loooong week waiting for my tolerance to diminish.

>>37386266
Did your experience live up to the expectations you had for it?

>>37386300
No. It wasn't a high enough dosage. It was a beautiful, pleasurable experience but it was very shallow compared to what I was after. I did some yesterday as well. It was much weaker and less enjoyable at point because I knew I had been wastefu. I just couldn't resist even though I knew the effects would be reduced.

I feel like I'm insufficiently grateful for this. Honestly, I don't even feel entertained by visuals anymore even though I can recall a previous version of myself who would've been overjoyed by that element alone. During the last trip, it was as if I was rejecting all the pleasure that was given to me because it was inadequate. I'm not after hedonism. I wanted insight. I do feel mildly, temporarily improved by the ego softening, but not in a life changing way. I think I may be demanding too much, but I've got to try for a more profound alteration.

>>37386508
How fast does tolerance build up / back down?

>>37386508
That's reasonable. It sounds as though youve learned your lesson, so to speak, and will take a more powerful dose after your tolerance has dropped again.

>>37386610
Very quickly (diminished effects from same amount the next day) and then takes from 4 days to a week and even then a bit of tolerance might still be present. It's probably somewhat dependent on individual physiology, but a week is a decent stretch to wait if you want to get the most out of it.

>>37386659
Yes, I'm gearing up for just that. I may post periodic reports while undergoing the rite if there's popular support for the idea.

I'd certainly be interested. Just wish I could do it with you.

>>37386866
I wish you could as well. There may be options.

>>37387119
Responding, I think, to your other message as well: I have options but I'd have to reach out to my mother which I am certainly loath to do.

>>37387266
That's probably not worth it.

>>37387313
I might treat myself for my 30th I suppose.

Anyone else just have a constant stinging feeling thats mixed between mad, feeling like crying and hatibg everythibg including yourself and wanting to die in your sleep but too afraid to actually shoot yourself even though you practice dry firing it in your mouth a lot?

is it a massive waste of money if i smoke a pack a week and chew a bag of chewing tobacco every 2 days? that and coffee really makes me not feel this way once im alone at home but i feel like an idiot because a pack of cigs is 7 bucks and chew is like 8 and thats every two days. i get it at the gas station.

it also makes me sick to think that most people my age (22) has more friends than i have ever thought of and probably leads an exciting life and gets out alot. me, i have no friends and only really leave home to go to work or occasionally to go to walmart for food stuff.

thanks for reading any advice?

>>37387398
I dunno about advice. I'm dealing with some of the feelings on your first parragraph by going all cozy to bed at 8pm. I need to be at work at 9, so when I wake up at around 4-5 I'll have a few hours of the day not having yet started so I won't feel bad.

Its just some mind trick, but it seems to work

Don't worry about the money for vices. I mean, what else would you use it for?

>>37387457
yeah i make 400 a week and but like 10 dollars worth of stuff for lunch 5 days a week and tobacco and coffee is only 35 dollars a week

youre right thanks man <3

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Stroop bumpe

>>37385501
I'm Back!
>>37385486
I approve of funding space colonization. This rock's gonna run out of resources someday.
>>37386266
Don't worry I'm back!

>>37388004
Welcome back. Just got finished with Jeremy Paxman's interviews with Corbyn and May. You have to respect the fact that in all cases he goes for the throat and doesn't play favourites.

Impressions:
Corbyn came of a touch better in that he answered the questions, and took ownership of his answers. Meanwhile May did everything she could to avoid giving a straight answer and came off as both more dishonest and more nervous

>>37388084
One sounds like they know what people want, and the other seems career politician. Have no idea what you're talking anour, but I assumed politics.

>>37388154
>talking about
Fuck me sideways today! Driving phoneposting is difficult.

>>37388154
Well they're both career politicians. One is pretty much a pure socialist. Paxman want for him saying that some of his core beliefs - for example, nuclear disarmament - weren't in the manifesto. He responded that a party is democratic and while he personally does believe in nuclear disarmament he is not a dictator and within his party, others disagreed.

May was asked whether she'd changed her mind about Brexit - she was never into it - and kept doing her best to avoid the question saying she was 'dedicated to making it work and enacting the will of the people'.

Throughout her career she has been exceptionally skilled at manoeuvring herself around different issues in order to further her career rather than being consistent about a given issue. Meanwhile Corbyn has pissed off a lot of people through being uncompromising and making statements by doing things like not rising for the National Anthem on one occasion.

>>37388004
I support contracting the number of systems which can instantiate suffering.

>>37388271
Sounds like politics as usual to me.
>>37388385
What? I'm sorry but it's been a long day, dumb down what you're saying please.

>captcha is vehicles
>selects the street signs
Dammit captcha has conditioned me to select signs.

>>37388699
I wonder whether many people would rather not hear an answer that they do not like - and thus no answer at all - rather than hearing an honest one that they disagree with.

>>37388749
I think most people, at least those conditioned by the (((media))), cannot stand someone disagreeing with the opinion they've been told to have.

>>37388699
Fewer things with nervous systems = less suffering. If other planets are seeded with even microbial life and the process of evolution is allowed to unfold and produce more complicated organisms with the capacity to experience pain, that would be unwise to permit from an altruistic standpoint. Human populations, too, should be kept in check. Creating exotic space faring civilizations in which untold numbers of humans will be spawned is reckless from my perspective. I do anticipate coming across as a bit of an extremist, but I suppose that can't be helped. I may well be a fanatic. I don't have a very high opinion of nature's tendency to engineer horrors of agony.

>>37388837
I'm jewish and your parentheses offend me. I'm having gas shower flashbacks.

>>37388855
Getting a bit 'destroy the world to save it' there, you JRPG villain you.

>>37388906
Is that what awaked the hidden power of your ringlets?

>>37388855
That is to say, essentially unaltered humans of the sort we are. If the genetics (or if they are transhumans) of this potential colonizing race are modified to preclude the experience of suffering, there's less of a reason to object to a large population of this type of man existing, other than possible unintended side effects, like inadvertently seeding a planet which is then abandoned and spawns suffering-capable life, or weirder scenarios that include malfunctions, hacking from a malevolent race, failure to solve to problem of valence (correlating experiential states to physical ones), unanticipated superorganism conscious states and many other liabilities too numerous to list that come along with increasing the aggregate of complex life.

>>37388855
I disagree, without life there's nothing.
>>37388906
Did you jack up the rent on your properties proportional to your genetic suffering?

>>37388924
I wouldn't destroy the world to save it. Intelligent systems need to continue to exist. I would prefer not to have to "kill" anything at all, though nothing is off the table with such high stakes. My ideal scenario is to have nanobot swarms perform a gradual dissolution and reintegration of all sentient earth dwellers into more "computronium" for the superintelligence that will inevitably accede to dominance.

>>37389112
I don't expect to convince you of my position. Or anyone, for that matter. If the difference in starting positions is too wide, it seems hopeless to invest a lot of energy into the enterprise of winning the hearts and minds of society for the cause. I honestly think a surreptitious route is what is called for at this juncture.

Oy vey, I really am sounding very judaic right now, aren't I?

Personally I wouldn't see the world destroyed for the same reason that I would be extremely reluctant to have a man executed: it would represent giving up. The ultimate failure, in other words, from which there can be no further attempts at getting it right. That said, if there were a button I'd probably push it. I just wouldn't be able to resist. That says more about poor impulse control than morality though, I suspect.

>>37389239
Slightly. But I come from the belief that life is a gift you're given. What one does with it is up to the individual.
>>37389243
Yes it does. And as much as I hate watching those in pain, I'm 100% for executing those that deserve it. Much more humane than keeping them in a cage like a fucking animal for years until they die.

>>37389379
So you were more of a 'Destroy the Geth' man, then? I'd rather go for brainwashing, or as I like to call it 'honest leftism'.

>>37389432
>'Destroy the Geth'
What is that? Google is saying its something about mass effect, but I never played those.
>'honest leftism'
Kek.

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>>37389500
Ah, well you're faced with a choice in the game. So there's this race of androids who've developed the capacity for ideology, religious belief and so on. They're sentient AIs and they're at war with their creators who effectively tried to destroy them and caused everything that followed. Anyway, they're prepared to fight and die for their beliefs. So you can respect them and let them die on their feet, or you can factory reset them and make them slaves again. To me, they're too valuable to waste. Though I'm not sure about it now. Anyway, gtg to bed now so sleep well all.

>>37389578
Hmm that's rather interesting. See you next time. If only choices are make them slaves or kill them I'd say kill them for their wish to be free.

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how's everyone doing?
i just got back from walking the doggo. we barked at another doggo together. it was a nice bonding time

>>37383130
I thought this was true for a very long time. It's not. If those people actually care about you as well your feeling guilty about the toxic decisions you have been making don't matter as much as you assume they do.

>>37382806
Isn't it weird how watching things fall apart is almost cathartic

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Glad to see you lads here and this thread alive how's it's been so far?
Couldn't join earlier because i were afk.

On matters of venting:
My heart problems aren't going away, i may not be in this world for long which is a great thing.
I can't motivate myself to eat much anymore.
I think my family is onto me, if they find out that i have mental issues i might off myself.
I went out with friends and we had discussions of death and the after world, didn't show my full power level though.

I don't care what's on the other side, anything is better that this.

>>37389967
Glad you and doggo bonded.
>>37390068
Wouldn't your family try to help you? Why would they not try and help you if you have serious issues?

>>37390196
>Wouldn't your family try to help you?
That's the problem, they don't know how.

I live in a backwards society, if anyone is behaving differently either physically or mentally they try and "fix" that behavior.
I'll basically be treated as an outcast, more than i currently am.

they'll think I'm tripping over some break-up or something, now that mental illnesses are a fucking meme.

I don't want anyone's pity or attention, and I don't want anyone coming up to me and attempting to discuss my problems.

Just visualizing scenarios makes me want to kill myself right now.

Hope my rant isn't too long.

>>37390401
Rant never too long if it fits in one post. But I don't know how to help.

>>37390620
Just tell me to consider suicide then we meet in the next thread and get to do it all over again, until one day one of us doesn't make it.

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>>37381412
Things have been going pretty good. I got some advice from you guys earlier and I think I can stop worrying about what my sister might be thinking for a while. Rest of life is going well, doing good in classes and enjoying the summer.

>>37390763
I'd never suggest suicide. Thats an end to your options.
>>37390798
That's good. What happened?

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>>37390872
>That's good. What happened?
It actually happened a while ago, but its been bothering me ever since. Sister saw some weird fetish porn on my phone, and I was wondering if our relationship was ever going to be the same. She's been acting normally, but I was afraid that she might secretly be thinking I'm a perverted freak everytime we talk to each other.

Apparently though people forget these things. My only concern now is that a couple movies coming up might refresh the memory of what she saw in her mind.

>>37390985
How weird was it? It wasn't snuff or vore right? Or even worse, ponies

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>>37391041
Giantess. No vorefaggotry though.

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i see videos of pic related and think how can someone be so exciting and fun

how do people like her stay interesting and in her videos there are many different bedrooms she is in so that tells me she moves a lot

ive never left my state

is she probably as interesting as she seems? are most people livibg exciting lives?

>>37391086
Is your sister old enough to understand fetishes? Because yours is tame compared to even fifty shades of rape.
>>37391098
Probably trying to seem exciting to gather followers. Why haven't you left your state? Big state you're in the middle of? I guess living within about 40 miles of the nearest border makes me feel different about it.

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>>37391184
>Is your sister old enough to understand fetishes?
She's slightly older than me, actually. In her mid 20's.

>Because yours is tame compared to even fifty shades of rape.
Thank you anon!

>>37391244
You're welcome. I'd love to keep talking about this but I feel sleep actually coming for me so don't want to miss it.

See everyone tomorrow!