Situations that Only Robots Would Overthink

Should have offered to let him pound your sweaty cycling pussy in the bathroom.

>pays the extra 30 cents
wouldn't he get fired for doing that, story sounds like a total fib

>>37363106
he wanted to stick his burrito into last night's chili

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fembot (male)

origami

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>>37363143
I guess he had it in his pocket, things like that happen a lot to me.
I come off as a stuttering nervous idiot sometimes, so maybe they're being polite because they feel bad for me.

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>look at me im a girl
>but im also socially awkward
>isnt that just wild

4/10 make it less obvious next time. no (you)'s

>>37363179
You actually made me chuckle anon. People like you are why I continue to browse this board

>>37363192
I wanted a thread on awkward situations, robot, sorry. It's sort of my only awkward story in a while, since I haven't left my house for a few weeks.

>>37363181
They most likely wouldn't be allowed any cash in their pockets especially while working at a register.

>>37363181
>things like that happen a lot to me

It's because you're female

Malebot would have been laughed at by everyone in the McDonalds and then been given 1 sausage burrito instead of 2 in his carryout bag

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I had some black guy cover my lottery tickets because I didn't have any cash on me.
I've also had somebody pay for me at McDonald's before for no reason.

>>37363251
a malebot wouldn't have made such a trivial error in calculation in the first place! and ordered appropriately!

>>37363251
I honestly feel bad about it. I get most of my food from gas stations and McDonald's when I leave my house, and it happens.
I'm in no way a feminist and it kind of makes me think.
I really don't like people hitting on me, either, it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

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>>37363281
Lottery tickets? That's weird. I guess you're also a robot who often miscalculates how much cash you have.

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>>37363181
They're being polite because those are desirable qualities in women.

Pic related

>>37363192
Nooo not my lesbian mommy

>>37363367
Nah, I just forgot you had to buy em in cash instead of with a card. I'm autistic and count my money before and after going into the store.

>buy three sausage burritos

>>37363482
They're small, don't judge me, desu.

>>37363518
You're a girl, you should eat a salad with chicken breast & squat.

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>>37363106
I've started thinking strangers I see outside are people I knew from high school or old jobs and I have a miniature heart attack every time because I think I'll be obligated to talk to them. These people barely even look like them, but I'm just getting that paranoid about it because muh social anxiety

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>>37363106
>be blackbot
>walking around city at night towards apartment
>spot another person
>walking toward me
>"potential greeting scenario detected"
>assess person's sex
>male
>this means I must greet them in a manner that asserts dominance
>person comes closer
>Black
>must now greet them to assert dominance and show blackness, while avoiding showing weakness
>person comes closer
>close in age to me
>most likely from the hood
>potential greeting parameters changed
>greeting must now assert dominance, show blackness, mask weakness, and avoid instigation
>greeting formulated
>won't use until it is absolutely certain I must greet them
>within 20 yards
>"the battle has already started"
>prepare appropriate mild "mean mug"
>walk boldly as though his presence does not bother me
>looking straight ahead as though undeterred by his approach
>10 yards
>carefully observe using peripheral vision to determine if greeting is necessary
>continue walking
>might not need to greet after all
>5 yards
>continue walking
>2 yards
>notice his head turn towards me
>it is likely that a greeting is required
>look towards his eyes
>not necessarily making eye contact because I must imply that this is no big deal for me
>say "Yo, what's up" while simultaneously giving Black head nod
>he returns nod and responds "What's up".
>greeting successful
>continue walking past him
>observe path ahead for other potential greeting scenarios

I go through this mental flow chart every time I see someone. There's a lot of thinking that goes into it, so sometimes I greet people without even recognizing that they are someone I know.

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>>37363567
Gross, anon. Listen to "Tribute to Ronald" and you'll understand.
There's no point to being healthy, I'm don't want to live past 35.
Plus, I have a high metabolism and I'm not fat, so I'll continue.

>>37363638
But there's a 50 percent chance you don't get the sausage burritos with the right meltyness of cheese so you just taste the stale eggs. Is it really worth it?

>go to McDonalds
>order 25 bacon biscuits
>they say I have to wait and they'll bring them to me
>can't find a place to park
>panic
>drive away
>out 45 dollars

>>37363695
Why were you ordering 25 bacon biscuits, robot? You do know if you didn't eat it within a few hours they'd taste gross, right?

>>37363638
Are you ok? Post pic of sexy bod

>>37363724
I put them in the refrigerator and warm like 2 or 3 up for each meal for several days.

>>37363638
>There's no point to being healthy, I'm don't want to live past 35.

that should work to be honest

once I turned age 30+ my high metabolism completely disappeared. now I gotta exercise like a madman to stay lean

>>37363106
You just had to mention he was some "big latino guy" didn't you? Why did you feel obligated to explicitly point out his race when it literally is inconsequential to your story?

>>37363192
please anon fuck meeeeeeee

>>37363192
yo dude yo up for some na overwatch hmu

>>37363611
Does it ever get tiring always having to put on a character around other black people?

>>37363143
I worked at bk and if you worked there a long time and know the manager they don't give a shit and even if they did they would be like "just add 30 cents to the register"

>>37363236
Wha-what? I worked at bk and I could have anything casual in my pocket change my phone dollar bills it's not like they strip searched us to see if we had change nor did they give a shit.

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>>37363106
>walking to store
>nervous because I've never been there before
>as I walk up I scout out the place to make sure I walk into the correct entrance
>I'm suddenly aware of the fact that there's a group of people walking 10m behind me
>feel embarrassed for no reason and quickly walk past the store
>have to take a 10 minute detour to get back
>I can't just stop and turn back because I somehow think that would be embarrassing

gee sometimes I wish I wasn't such a fucking faggot

>>37363192
Dammit, fuck you, no one click on the image, save yourselves.

>try tinder
>mostly just curious about the whole activity and if it really does feel as good as advertised
>manage to find a nice seeming guy
>get back to his place
>clothes come off and i'm face to face with his dick
>porn always shows these monsters so i've never actually seen an average joe dick
>worried it's be disgusting or weird looking
>actually kind of cute
>guy notices my weird moment of extended silence and shock
>asks me what i think about it
>on the spot and panic a little
>just sort of blurt out i think its cute
>guy cries and i leave
>try again
>similar turn out but the guy gets angry
>come on here
>people tell me just call it thick or huge or something even if its not
>work up some confidence third times the charm
>starring down the barrel
>manage to actually mess around with the foreskin cause i was curious how it all worked
>every damn time i honestly had hoped we'd skipped it this time asks me what i think about it
>try and be sexy about it mention its pretty thick and bigger than most
>still not sure why, maybe he could tell i was forcing it or something, but he gets noticeably upset and asks me to leave
I don't fucking get it. Do you actually want my opinion or do you want a damn ego boost? Why do they always ask? Why get upset at the answer i'm obviously still there so its not an answer? What the actual fuck do i do to make this not a thing?

>>37363961
I clicked it and I'm not going to reply

dumb bitch

>>37363192
rpluliyuyuy

>>37363904
I have to go through this whether they're Black or not.

Had he been White, I might've formulated a less intimidating and more friendly plan.

Had it been a woman, a simple smile might've been enough. Women require less work to greet.

>>37363993
The guy you're with is literally retarded so maybe start there.

>>37363993
Here's what you do, femanon:

This will be hard to grasp but you really need to STOP BEING A FUCKING ROASTIE

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>>37363181
>even fat autistic fembots are treated like princesses everywhere they go

fuck me to tears, my existence is a rebellion against nature. The whole universe, nature and society see me as some kind of mistake to be abomination to be discarded in the Demiurges fucked up porno-addicted reproduction fest.

I'm being naturally selected.

>>37363993
Still there so its not an issue*

>>37363192
dsdsddfghhf

>>37363761
mate i would highly suggest getting some fucking breakfast biscuits out of the freezer aisle or some shit, you're breaking yourself off HARD by going to mcdick's for grocery shopping

>>37363638
Can confirm
living past age 35 sounds like living hell

>>37363929
Sounds like a clowning around operation, I've never heard of a place that didn't basically mandate you don't have change when on the floor.

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>>37363993
say 'NICE PEEN" really enthusiastically. Dudes love that. You can give it a nickname too. Something nice like Boris or Takeshi

>>37364038
I'm autistic, but not fat. I'm actually turning into a skellyfembot.

>>37363106
FUCK OFF YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH
I SWEAR TO GOD, ALL WOMEN NEED TO BE FUCKING KILLED
IF I EVER SAW YOU IN REAL LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT
YOU WOULD BEG FOR THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH
DIE STUPID FUCKING WHORES
DEATH TO ALL WOMEN
GET THE FUCK OFF MY BOARD YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNTS
DIE WOMEN DIE

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>>37363106
Once on the Metro a woman sat next to me. She was an 'average' skinny girl with short brown hair and a gray hoodie. The entire time I was thinking of things to say to her, like, what would a guy even say to a woman to meet her?
I immediately imagined her being my Misaki who would end my NEET introvert lifestyle (I was only on the Metro because my mom's friend lives outside of my city) She got off at the same stop, and once she was out of my sight I immediately forgot about her and memorized the directions to her apartment.

My mom's friend lived upstairs to a large shopping mall, and while getting some green tea I saw her again. I reverted back to my 'planned' meeting, but while I was trying to memorize it the cashier of the Cafe interrupted my thoughts to move the line. At that moment I felt like an asshole and I just have to live without meeting her again.
My mom's friend and I played chess and skyped my family that night. I came over to help her with her physical problems, in case you were wondering when I was going to her place for.

>>37364143
I need an autistic skinny fembot gf. Are you available?

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>>37364038
have you tried not being an obnoxious tripfag you sad sack of shit

AND YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING ROBOT.
YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING WHORE WITH A LITTLE TINY PEABRAIN, NO WOMAN CAN BE A ROBOT BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE BRAIN OF AN ANIMAL.
DIE YOU FUCKING SLUT, I SWEAR TO GOD I WOULD FUCKING DESTROY YOU

>>37364132
That sounds about 8 times more autistic than i already act and that hasn't done me any favors.

>>37364162
Uhh... available but not able to talk to people. ( .-.)

>walk past a girl I wasn't even paying attention to
>she says hi
>wonder why she would even say that

>>37364191
Good enough I guess. Discord?

>>37364089

REEE they are my neet bux I'll spend them how I want to

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>>37364184
Good for you, anon. I'm genuinely sorry for making you upset.
I hope you have a nice day.

>>37364191
TALK TO THE END OF THE BARREL OF MY GUN YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE
GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY BOARD YOU STUPID FUCKING SKANK
YOU ARE NOT WANTED HERE
I HOPE SOMEONE FROM THIS SHITHOLE DOES MEET YOU SO HE CAN CRUSH YOUR SKULL LIKE A TIN CAN YOU FUCKING WHORE

>>37364233
I'm sorry that your life was so awful that you lash out at women this way. I hope you feel better, anon.

>>37363611
Made me kek.

Orfgnbdd

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Origoo in my mouth

>>37364286
My life is not awful. The only awful thing about it, is that retarded subhumans like you women have to come to my domain online. The place that I go specifically to AVOID you stupid cunts.
You just can't get enough attention and money from men, so you need to come here and make up your bullshit stories about BOO HOOOO MY LIFE IS SOOOO MUCH HARDER THAN A MAN'S LIFE, I AM LE ROBOT LIKE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
We don't give a fuck you stupid nasty STD infested cunt. I hope you and every other woman gets raped and murdered by Islamic immigrants. I will be at home laughing and enjoying you NOT coming to my board to shit it up with your stupid retarded garbage you make up, trying to get more male attention and money.
Go back to instagram and get the fuck off my board NOW and never come back you stupid fucking skank.

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>>37364370
>going to r9k to avoid women

if only you knew how bad it really is

>>37364370
Okay, anon. I will. I hope you feel better soon.

>>37364201
do you get a cash payout from SSI/disability that you spend on mcdick's?

i mean, i can't stop you from spending your well-deserved pity shekels in the fashion that you wish, but surely you'd be better served and slightly more content if you just got some microwavable or toaster-ready bullshit from the freezer aisle and spend the remaining bucks on liquor or drugs or hookers or figmas or vidja or god knows what else

>>37364435
I used to come here to avoid women, until all the cuckolded reddit betas and whores flooded in for more attention and money.
Now I know that stupid worthless whores flock here for beta orbiters and money, so I can come here and let them know how I feel without their cuckold orbiters raging at me.
I pray every single day that I wake up to 1000 instances of Elliot Rodger style events where women are being murdered in droves, and it makes me so happy to imagine.

>>37364442
I will feel so much better when I read news articles of stupid European whores being raped and murdered by shitskin invaders and nobody saying anything because they don't want to be racist.
Stupid airhead whores having their skulls splattered all over the pavement just like they deserve, and the men who do it walk free because they're from the 3rd world!
Keep it coming, every time I see another dead whore, I laugh with joy and glee.

>>37363320
dont feel bad, cashiers spot me too when im short on change and i'm a boy

>>37363192
you are a bigger faggot then op.

>>37364507
/pol/ is a few boards to the right, my friend.

>>37364547
/pol/ is also full of woman loving cuckolds.
No board is right for me anymore, even those stupid wizchan faggots just want to drone on about
>oh woe is me, i am a virgin, so sad
When they should be filled with extreme rage and hatred against worthless whores.
I don't care if it helps or hurts, I just want to see a lot of women suffering and being exterminated all together.

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>>37364507
I don't think 4chan is good for your health, you'd be better off taking up something like gardening or piano lessons. Hang in there bud, try not to have a stroke.

>>37364518
Ha! you know there are plenty of people that just leave their change right? I work for a grocery store bagging groceries and people always forget their change. The cashier will be like ohhh just stick it back in the changer. I stick the pennies and nickles in dimes and quarters I stick in my pockets.

>>37363993
Kek about "boys" that are insecure about their unit.
Then again most girls don't believe my dick is real from the pictures so I have to confirm by writing their name on it after which I think is hot anyways.

>>37364622
4chan has too many cuckolds, but my hatred for women grows stronger with every passing day.
You whores have done so much to try and ruin my life from the day I was born, but it is I who has the last laugh now.
I can live comfortably without any of you stupid worthless whores in my life, meanwhile you are raped and murdered in the streets by Achmed and your own parents sympathize with him over you.
I have had to do nothing to impede on my own comfortable life, but you whores will continue to suffer as you grow old and unloved and eventually slaughtered by Islamic niggers.

>>37364582
Have you considered doing it yourself? Like for example, going out at night with a hood and mask on and assaulting random women, before running away? You can take out your frustration on women and, best of all, you won't get caught.

And then you'll feel bad and realise that you don't seriously believe what you said about wanting women to get hurt.

>>37364038
Is it better to play the game and lose or not play it at all?

>>37364727
I don't need to do anything, whore.
You whores and all your cuckolded leftist friends will continue to ship in hordes of violent rapist shitskins from Africa, who will rape and beat your heads flat in public with no remorse.
I have to do nothing but sit back and enjoy the show, which I fully intend to.
In fact, perhaps I will send a donation today, to my local far left groups. Make sure they keep importing more immigrants because we are all equal, and just sit back and wait for the fun to start from the comfort of my own home.

>>37364777
It always feels better to do it yourself. What's stopping you?

>>37364721
You are so delusional holy shit. How do people like you even function?

>Be at friend's house for a sleepover
>Her big dog is all over us, he's very friendly
>She gets up to get something to eat for us from the kitchen
>I move to the TV to look through what games she has
>After a few moments her dog mounts and tries to hump me
>His size and weight pushes me down, I freaked out and tried to escape but he was too big and strong
>Scream for help from friend, she rushes back in and gets the dog to stop
>She laughs and apologizes saying he gets "too friendly" sometimes

Does she... do things with her dog? It sounded like a nervous laugh too.

>>37364825
I am no fool to sacrifice my comforts of life just to lash out on some subhuman. Women cannot even be called human, they function below the levels of most animals mentally.
You and your kind are bringing about your own destruction, without me having to do anything but laugh at your own stupidity.
Now, you worthless whore, do not speak to me any longer. I am finished wasting my good time on the likes of such an animal as you.
Begone from this board immediately and never return.

>>37364887
That sounds like she fucks her dog.
If that happens again definitely ask her

>>37364849
I function plenty well, thank you. I attribute this to the fact that I was born a human, and not a worthless subhuman female.
Please, continue to neglect your coming doom with your childish shaming tactics.
You and all women shall know what it is to suffer soon enough.

>>37364887
Wow women are so easy to rape. Even a dog with legs the width of a pool stick can do it.

Also yeah probably that or it's a horny fuck and just humps everyone's leg

>>37364920
Yeah... so, anon? You know the guy you've been arguing with this whole time hasn't been OP, right? Yeah.

>>37364983
I don't give a fuck who you are. If you are a woman or a woman-sympathizer, you are the enemy and should be exterminated.

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>walk into book store
>some event going on with a group of larpers
>starts talking to me in some weird pirate accent
>try and act interested and fake laugh at their lame ass jokes
>make eye contact with a woman in the group and see her walking my way with a painting
>turn around and walk out of store as fast I could

>forgot phone on table so had to back in walk in

>>37365004
I can understand that your mom abandoned you at an early age, or you've been rejected by every woman in existence, but you don't need to lash out at every female. go eat your tendies.

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>>37364721
Well I'm sorry for giving you genuine advice. I thought that maybe you might benefit from a more wholesome and gratifying pastime then spazzing out on an anime imageboard. I'm not female btw you fucknut I don't know what part of my post implied that

>>37363192
i dont need this shit

>>37365040
>had to walk back in*

>>37365058
Wow, you must have read a single Buzzfeed article about "the 4-Chan" to come up with such a good response! Let's see what quip you come up with when Achmed is raping you with a knife to your neck in a dark alley.
>>37365083
Cuckold woman sympathizers like you are just as bad as whores themselves. You all deserve to be brought to an end.

>>37363106
>mom sends me to buy her trash food to McD
>one smelly fat girl is on the counter
>want to leave fast because i was playing and left my game on
>offer to pay the amount that she needs so i can leave quiclky
>she says thanks then farts and keeps staring at me
>smile because idk what the fuck to do
>cashier laughs when she leaves
>some people eating complained about the stink she left

>>37364198
FUCCKKK OFF CHADD NIGGER PIEE OF SHIIIIIIT

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>>37365141
Hey fuck you man I felt concerned for you and tried to give you genuine advice and then you treat me like shit. You sound like Elliot 2.0 and he wasn't very happy was he? Well now I don't care and you can rot in front of your computer forever you bitter cunt

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>>37365141
>cuckold

that's rich coming from you, considering the fascination you have with "Achmed" raping your country's women

>>37363288
a malebot would have had the extra 30 cents because of wage inequality

>>37363192
Btfo my mom nigger

>>37363192
I hope you get Aids and hemorrhoids.

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>waiting for mum at train station
>cute guy sits across from me and initiates conversation
>first time someone has talked to me in forever
>he shakes my hand and introduces himself
>give limp handshake back and stutter my name out while forgetting his immediately because still shocked someone wants to associate with me
>think it's a good idea to talk about how i'm meeting my mum to help her shop because the grocery store lights give her seizures
>why the fuck am i talking about personal shit right off the bat
>conversation keeps dying on my end cause autism
>i'm just praying for the train to arrive to end my misery
>it comes and awkwardly wave bye and say "w-well gotta help mum"

I'm bad at existing

>>37363192
fug no
not today

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>>37363192
Grow a fucking brain kids

>robot
>female

Pick one you roastie whore, I swear there has been an increase of you cunts on my board. You should of fucked that latino man in the bathroom for those 30 cents. Bitch.

>>37363611
your thoughts are amusing chocolatebot

>>37363800
Back to Tumblr with you.
POST ORIGASMIC

>>37364187
How about this: get the fuck out, roastie
If you have been at 3 dudes houses, all of them naked, you are CLEARLY not a robot. leave, cunt.

>>37365527
underrated post my manbrodude

>>37365651
this was better than staying silent
i don't even say a thing
some people think i have a speech problem or im mute

>>37363192
Huh huh huh

>Be Jewbot
>At my mansion counting my shekels
>Spot that I'm short 2 million off half a billion
>Decide to short bitcoins
>Make 2 million in 3 hours

>>37364887
of course she fucks her dog, a woman who owns a big dog should send up a giant red flag

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>>37365985
>should of
I'm always baffled by this error. It's not just a sloppy mistake, but a fundamental misunderstanding of what "should've" means. Which for the record is a contraction of "should have".

Before you formulate your stinging response, keep in mind that I'm MALE. Keep posting btw, the autistic shitfit you're throwing is pretty entertaining.

>>37363192
You think you're a good person? I know you don't, because you're not. Bad bad bad bad bad.

>>37363192
for fucks sake

originalcommento

>>37363993
I mean, unless there's something else fucking up each of these scenarios, these guys are just not your type. I'd get a hearty chuckle out of "cute" and autistically continue the mating ritual

>>37367340
>hearty chuckle

Be my big autistic bf

>>37367609
legit the only thing I can realistically imagine of having sex with someone would involve me joking and them either being annoyed or going along with it (and thus being my one true love)

>>37363192
>>37365766
Nice try, but I've got the facts

(sooriiognialiano)

>be on 7 hour bus trip
>look tired but not too gross (unkempt hair and stubble)

>go to McDonald's
>waiting in line
>girl from adjacent line stares at me
>I stare back and smile, stop staring but she keeps staring
>girl takes her order
>looks back at me in a very meek way as she goes to sit down

still don't know whether she was creeped out by me or if she was intimidated in a good way

>>37363192
If my mother knew how often I saved her from death, maybe she'd be nicer to me.

>>37363106
Pretty much every social situation robots are in.

>>37363993
>Do you actually want my opinion or do you want a damn ego boost? Why do they always ask?
only a fembot would ask these type of questions

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http://vocaroo.com/i/s1nbMZBPx4DG

>>37363192
wow look at those roasties

>>37370557
totally bro wanna go play some ball by the quad? wanna suck me off under the bleechers ? no homo dude i mean it's not like were gay or nothing bro cmon.

>>37363192
Paranoid I am yeesee

>>37364888
Will you be my bf anon.
Original spices

>>37363192
welp have to sespond

also op is a qt

>>37363192
>think of life without my mommy
>toss and turn like a tsumani
>Fear that if she kicks the bucket
>I'll actually have to make a budget
>wage slave life just sounds no fun
>with no mommy i am done
>so now i post my dank reply
>and tomorrow more tendies, no need to cry

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>>37371393
>Catalog
Very nice poem anon. Your mom seems like a real hottie.
Pic related

>>37363192
Very clever you son of a bitch

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Fembot fast food wage slave here. I'm friendly on the outside but believe me when I say there's no other person who will be more eager to see you fatties choke on your tendies and croak from all your blocked arteries than me. I'll give you all the greasy, salty garbage you want and more if it means a higher possibility of you dying an early death.


>>37363181
mcdonald uniforms have pockets?

>>37363638
Why only until 35? Why not just your current age?

>>37363106
I love you, miss

>>37363192
ok

>You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.
why does this even exist?

>>37365651
I would think you're a nice caring person for going out of your way for your mom like that. You're definitely overthinking things.

File: 1494735190572s.jpg (3KB, 125x125px) Image search: [Google]

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>that struggle when have to keep a conversation alive

>>37363192
superstitious orignig

>>37372538
Ayyyy, someone else who knows the struggle of having to keep a conversation alive

>>37372538
>>37372595
If you have to be the one to keep it going or revive it you're probably the one causing the disinterest.

>>37363192
Fruck off origanlio

>>37372608
Most of the people I talk to are shitty at talking so no its not my fault at all.

>>37363192
mopkun

>OP's a woman
>casually calls herself a robot
>everyone is ok with this

Is this the new state of /r9k/?

>>37363192
fuck you for posting this
originafamalam

>>37365192
It happened a year and a half ago and hasn't happened since, i'm no chad.