Psychological Help Thread

I'm on my 6th day of 500mg DNP and I feel like absolute shit, although I think I can make it till 20 days unless I die.

My gf contacted me today and thanked me for leaving her alone and asked me if I'm coming back and if I'm okay. I answered "Yes, but not yet" to the former one..
I then asked her if she misses me and said that she doesn't know. And then I asked her if I should even come back and I said I don't know.

>>37331396
What's DNP?
What's your relationship situation? I'm not familiar.

>>37331441
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2,4-Dinitrophenol

I thought you were the same guy that made those previous threads.

I told her I wanted to take a break because she has PTSD (that she fights every day for me apparently) from me threatening her once over the internet over a year ago, and she freaks out when she sees the number 555, which in her mind is a sign telling her to leave me.
She also said that she loves me but that she doesn't like me, which sounds like an oxymoron.

>>37331500
Ah ok I remember now. And no its not me, I'm just a regular.Nick's been busy with life things and his own issues.

>>37331242
Im really desperate to show some emotion, which defaults to anger. trying to figure out a way to change it, it would be nice to let out positive emotions instead.
no luck so far.

>>37331500
i remember you aswell, it's an interesting story you got. im not gonna try to give out advice or anything though since what i said above.

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hello An hero, how have you been doing? ive been seriously thinking on no longer taking my antipsychotics. the only reason i take them is because of the voices and i think i can handle them now

>>37331690
how far back can you remember anger being your default emotion? can you point to a specific meaningful event in your life?

>>37332102
im not really sure actually. when i was a kid i was scared and sad, at some point it switched to scared and angry.
though it's not like im raging, more like acting like an asshole. i think i would feel better if i could actually let something out.

can you just quit and then restart anti psychotics or do you have to phase them in or out?

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Kissless virgin here

>Really started to get into a girl and she seemed to reflect the interest
>we go to the same school and it's a small one so we see each other every day
>everyday we do cute shit together like playing tag during gym and sitting next to each other at lunch and playfully touching each other
>3 weeks ago, I want to ask her to prom but 2 nervous
>my sister spills the beans to this girl (let's call her carly)
>she smiles at me all day
>she said she wanted to ask me to the dance too, so we are going with each other
>butterfly stomach ensues
>next couple of days I'm in euphoria thinking about the dance
>1 week later
>dance night
>we go to dinner first, starts out a bit quiet and akward but I get her laughing and then we start having fun
>go to the dance floor
>we are laughing and having a great time
>we slow dance together several times
>I want to try to kiss her but she just keeps making jokes while we dance, at least she's smiling and happy
>in the middle of the dance there is a raffle
>I win a gift card for I tunes or some shit, I know I'll never use it
>she asks if she can have it
>I playfully deny
>sneak off and put it in here locker w/ a note that says "I'm having a good time so far :)"
>go back
>have a great night, never get the chance to kiss though
>drive off as she checks her locker, I see her smiling at me before I leave
>feel like a million bucks
>1 week ago now
>I try to get her to hang out with me and my friend because I'm not ready to ask her out on a real date yet
>she doesn't answer my texts and SMs
>my friend makes fun of me thinking that I'm delusional about this girl
>she never replied
>Monday
>I'm avoiding her because I'm slightly mad
>she notices and starts playfully trying to talk to me
>I start ignoring her completely
>she gets worried and starts asking if this is because she didn't reply, explains that her parents took her phone and grounded her
>apparently my sister told her why I was mad
PART 1

>>37332221
i phased into them but i havent phased out of them since i started. i suppose its safer to quit them gradually. i wont ask my psych tho since he may commit me so i take them by force

do you think you have a pessimist view of the world or the people surrounding you? were there any signs of abuse from your family or peers?

>>37331690
What made you happy before?
>>37332102
I'm at work, and what about the voices makes you think you can handle them without?
>>37332579
No offense, but what's the point here?

>>37332620
do you get that bad when you dont take them? why do you wanna stop anyway?

in a way yes, it's easy to see flaws and point out what should be better. i used to think of the pessimism as part of the anger though.
not clear abuse, im thinking my parents might have been emotionally distant. Nick calls that abuse, but i always saw my family as a decent one growing up.

Hey everyone!

I just had three beers. I wondering if I should drink more. I've got some jaegermeister (or however this fucking booze is spelled). I feel like shit for being inferior, you know, the old stuff. The stuff I usually rant about.

Also, how is everyone else doing?

Atlas, you messaged her? You better fucking had protoze jestli ne tak zaslouzis naliskat. Nedelam si prdel.

>>37332762
never really been happy m8
i could get really excited over games, but not anymore

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>>37332579
PART 2
>she warms me up by touching me and hugging me and apologizing sincerely
>she asks me to explain why I'm so mad
>I tell her I'll do it over text
>rest of the day she seems to give me a lot of love and attention
>after school
>I text her the reason why I was made, I said my friend made fun of me because you didn't respond to anything
>she says she understands and apologizes
>I get a little to comfortable
>text her that I have feelings for her and I need to know if she has any for me
>she doesn't reply
>feel pain in the stomach
>I tell her that she NEEDS to answer
>she explains that she is having mixed emotions
>I apologize and tell her she doesn't have to answer, explain that I'm just really stressed out because of finals (lie)
>next day
>she does a very good job of preventing akwardness
>she smiles at me and plays and jokes like she usallh does
>all the pain I felt Monday starts to vanash
>the week goes by
>nothing bad happens with carly
>we go to a social gathering together at dave and busters with some mutual friends
>this is my chance to ask her out, I think to myself
>bring along my friend to be my wingman
>we arrive
>carly's ex boyfriend shows up, even though carly and her friend agreed to never invite him again (because he always tries to ask carly out and causes drama)
>carly seems to give him a lot of attention, and seems to give me almost none
>all the girls with us swarm this guy
>me and my friend feel like shit
>this is the same friend who made fun of me last weekend, but now he just feels bad
>but wait, hope
>this guy mysteriously disappears with 2 of the 4 girls
>he must be getting some action
>now it's just me, my sister, carly, my friend, and carly's best friend
>we decide to get desert
>I sit across from carly because I think that she doesn't want to sit with me
>she invites me to sit next to her while smiling
>me and friend exchange thumbs up
>sit next to her
>we are flirting and touching more than ever before
PART 2

I already said it and I'll say it again
I want to get off this fucking rollercoaster

details in next post

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>>37332788
That last paragraph tells me you've had enough if you want to talk.
>>37332812
Unhappiness is awful, if you figure it out let me know how.
>>37332901
pic related

>>37332762
>what about the voices makes you think you can handle them without?
i just feel that now that ive been on therapy i have more insight about them than when i had my psychotic episode

>>37332773
>do you get that bad when you dont take them?
when i had my psychotic episode before starting the antipsychotics i was arrested a couple of times for making a scene in public, shouting about my mission, trying to wake people up etc

>>37332773
>why do you wanna stop anyway?
because of the side effects of olanzapine. the only one that's very convenient is loss of libido (i dont have a gf so less suffering)

you said before you were first scared and sad and then scared and angry. do you think sadness was the way feeling scared impacted you and that you might have developed a different way to cope with that scaredness (through anger)?

>>37332964
>That last paragraph tells me you've had enough if you want to talk.
Eh, that was just my mother language and since Atlas and I both come from the same country I used it.

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>>37332887
FINAL PART
>she leaves for the bathroom
>talk to her friend, ask her if I should ask her out
>she says yes, she sounds excited
>carly returns
>we keep flirting like crazy
>we finish desert and go back to play games
>carly's friend gives us some alone time and takes my sister and my friend with her
>I don't have the guts to do it
>we just talk about the game she's playing
>it's not awkward at all, but she keeps smiling at me like she's expecting it to happen
>5 minutes until we live
>friend gives me a "now or never" pep talk
>get it out to her awkwardly
>doesn't matter, she smiles and says yes
>we leave
>I'm so goddamn happy
>plan on taking her for a walk and then a resturant
>text her the day of the date
>she says "what's the plan"
>I tell her
>she doesn't respond
>bring it up an hour later
>she says "sorry my parents said no"
>hasn't responded to any further text
>didn't say she wanted to do anything at another date
>feel like shot
Being a failed normie is even harder then being a robot. I need to go back.

>>37333034
The spelling mistakes fucked up the story goddamn it I can't even complain right

For the Fatherless

Tell me how your father taught you how to shave. I read a post on 4chan about shaving, and it explained a method I had never heard of. I tried today, and it gave me a very smooth shave without much soreness.

Teach me your ways, senpais.

>>37332995
I'm sure you could, but is it a chance you want to take?
>>37333004
Oh my bad. Duo-lingual Murrican here, only speak english and southern mountain man.
>>37333034
So talk to her parents then m8.

ok so yesterday before going to bed I joined one of my usual group chat, where I saw tow friends talk about relationships, and all related experiences,
while reading their conversation I started feeling weird as fuck, like really bad and sad
a feeling that was buried deep inside me I believe,
after they finished I kept talking to one of them, we talked about my love/private life (which doesn't really exist)
but didn't really fully understand why I felt that why
it's like loneliness. like I'm missing something, after talking for hours I went to bed, hoping for the feeling to vanish, like this kind of feeling usually do
but when I woke up it was still there
after some hours I decided to draw a thing for said friend and the thought of the drawing made me forget the feeling, and I'm slowly recovering, but it's still there, and it's the worse I've felt in years.
I can't wait for this semester of uni to end, I really feel like talking to my therapist now,but I'm worried I won't tell him all of this.

>>37332964
i have a gut feeling that more living emotions is the key to happiness. i want to act on what im feeling instead of holding up a melancholy facade all the time.
i just dont know how it's done. i've always just hidden my emotion inside me out of fear of rejection.

>>37332995
it sounds like something worth actually talking with your therapist about. if you put it as you wanna decrease the dose and see how it goes i cant see why they'd decide locking you up is the only way. if mean if you start losing control you can just up the dose again right?

im sure it's related, i've got a really shitty attachment pattern. being sad as a kid was a great way to get attention from parents, not so good when you're in school though. im pretty certain the anger now is mostly me shutting off, which i dont want to do. but i simply dont know any other way.

>>37331573
>Nick's been busy with life things and his own issues.

Partly, but not quite. I got banned, also, but I wasn't even there to enjoy the ban, so there's that, if the guy who reports me is here: you failed miserably.

Also, I'm around, and I don't do the things I'm supposed to do; I just think most of you are better off without me for the moment.

I feel like caving some teeth in. Not a very amicable mood.

Hero, I'm sorry if I seemed to have ignored you recently. I haven't, but I haven't assumed that your posts expected some response from me.

Hello boys, how was your day?

>>37331242
>Let it out. Ask anything, share anything. How're you doing this Sunday?

Hello. I'm not doing very well this Sunday. Looking back, I've had 4 nervous breakdowns all throughout this month, including one just last night. Every time it happened I was drinking. I have a self-defense mechanism that blocks a certain part of my brain and when I drink it unlocks it a little. I have a brain that just has to focus on everything that drives it crazy, I'm not sure why. I don't agree with it but I can't control it. If there's something floating around inside of my head I don't want to think about, it obsessively focuses on it until I can't take it anymore. That happened last night. I had a panic attack lasting around 45 minutes and towards the end I tried counting down. Once I reached zero I told myself I would let go and allow myself to focus on the part of my brain that was troubling me.

That part of my brain gave off a sinister energy all these years. I've avoided it because I used to focus on it as a kid and it'd send me into psychosis and it even had it's own separate voice. I wasn't convinced it was real and I'm still not, but it speaks sometimes still. I've essentially been keeping it prisoner ever since I got amnesia after surviving a heavy overdose. I learned to keep it chained down and went on with my life. I focused on it when I reached zero last night and it felt like I was being smothered from the inside out. That's the worst fear I've ever experienced. It felt like I wanted to burst into a crying fit, but I forgot how to cry a long time ago so it just came out as a strange dry heaving. Once I got deep into the presence I felt my brain adapt with my coping mechanism and it dulled all of my feelings. I couldn't feel anything anymore, not even the presence. It felt like my head didn't exist.

I wouldn't call that a solution, but I woke up today and it's gone. The presence seemed to merge with the rest of my brain. It's fixed?

>>37333004
what language is that? i wanna learn some polish and russian phrases so i can tell them to fuck off when playing cs:go

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>>37331242

Damn... there are so many problems in this thread

that could easily be solved by having gay sex.

You just got to do it Anon. It will fix everything. You need intimacy with your own gender to get to known yourself.

>>37333138
All I learned was go aginst the grain. Problem is mine grows in 14 different directions.
>>37333208
>I just think most of you are better off without me for the moment.
I disagree.
>but I haven't assumed that your posts expected some response from me
I always want to talk Nick, even if its not about issues. I like talking to my friend.

LO texts me daily. She asks how I am. Today, I didn't respond.

>>37331242
Doing horribly this sunday. I spend every day alone just studying in my room but I havent even been able to properly do that today because I was let alone with my thoughts. I hate myself. I know that I'm better off dead but I don't have the balls to go and fucking end it.

>>37333246
Well, first of all, stop drinking. That seems to create more problems than it solves. Also I dont expect a mental illness to disapear that easily, you should see into going to therapy, things might get worse before you notice and its too late.

>>37333390

Where is your circle of friends?

>>37333254
It's Czech. The bastard slavic/germanic language that is usually considered fucking complicated.

As for learning russian, I'm currently learning it. Honestly for CS:GO it'd be easier to just learn some common insults because even if we disregard cyrillic (which makes things complicated) it might be difficult for you to grasp some of the concepts as a non-slavic speaker. Obviously doable, but not worth the effort.

So yeah, any list of russian insults will do for you, I reckon.

>>37333204
I have emotions, but they don't make me happy. When I can feel joy it doesn't keep me happy for long.
>>37333234
Got called in to work while I was sleeping this morning, so fuck today.
>>37333246
I have no idea. Sounds like you need real help.
>>37333364
Why not?
>>37333390
>I know that I'm better off dead but I don't have the balls to go and fucking end it.
What makes you think so?

>>37333390
Are you usually alone? And if so, is it by choice or just thats how you end up?

>>37333421

Teach me how to say, "Suck my British member, you dirty double agent."

Thank you.

>>37333436
>Why not?

To make sure I don't tell her to fuck off.

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>>37333456
Or are you still trying to have a civilized relation?

I think I finally understand that I'm just living my life incorrectly. I'm going to quit everything. I'm sick of being overly nice to everyone. I'm sick of wasting money on bullshit for other people. I'm tired of using this website too. It all just seems so empty and I'm tired of trying to make connections that never stick.

I just hate so much of everything right now and I'm so tired of it.

>>37333405
I have a few people from college that I am friendly with, but nobody i would call a friend. I moved around so much as a kid that establshing relationships was either impossible due to my awkwardness, or we'd drift apart soon after because I moved again.

>>37333436
Because I'm very emotionally dull, I have nothing going for me and I'm failing even getting into universty, the one thing that kept me. I miss the mark by 10 grade points even if I get all As due to a mess up last year, so what hope was clinging onto has left me.

>>37333440
Yes, I am usually alone. The only time I am not is when I go into class since I need to work. There's nobody I genuinely am close to.

>>37333421
that's pretty much my plan. i wanted to learn how to pronounce it though. years and years of online gaming has taught me to ignore cyrillic text, but voice is a whole new world i have yet to conquer!

>>37333364
i think it might be good for you to not have any contact with her for a while. though if she knows how much you think of suicide it might be nice to let her know you're alive but need a break

>>37333493

I'm not trying anything right now. In my own way, I will always love her, and so will she. We were family. She was my only family.

>>37333512

Learn about healthy personal boundaries. It will help you. Also look up "people pleasers", and Richard Grannon. This may help.

>>37333512
Anything that makes you look forward for the next day is good. Its healthy cuting toxic things out of your life.

>>37333442
I have no problem translating it, but what exactly does "British member" mean? Is that an euphemism? Or should I just translate it word by word? I know it probably should mean penis, but that doesn't quite make sense to me. Some context maybe?

>>37333524
>I have a few people from college that I am friendly with

Go out with them, ask them to bring others. Little by little, you'll get to know new people. If you can't be close friends with someone, you can always meet others through those. Don't cut your social tree too short, always look at the ramifications.

It's important that you aren't always alone.

>>37333529
>i think it might be good for you to not have any contact with her for a while. though if she knows how much you think of suicide it might be nice to let her know you're alive but need a break

I don't want to go no contact, even for a brief period of time.

I just don't know what I want anymore.

>>37333556
British cock. "Member" technically means bodypart, but has been used as a word for dick since the 1300s.

I have a question for any depressed junky in here, is it safe taking LSD? I want to try it, it might change the way i see life (from what ive heard) and make me happy finally

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I feel really guilty because about 2 weeks ago, someone I know overdosed on oxycodone that I sold to them.

>>37333571
I have gone out with them before, never found anybody who has talked to me afterwards. There's also no point, as I'm moving again in the summer so any connections I do make will be ripped away soon enough.

I'm painfully self aware of my problems, and coupled with the other factors it means that I just don't see a point in even trying anymore, and the lack of trying makes me realise that since I'm dying alone I may as well speed up the process.

>>37333892
You shouldnt feel responsible for other peoples fucked up lives. THEY chose to buy it, THEY chose to use it and THEY chose to use too much of it. Dont be sad my dude

>>37333034
That's not being a failed normie. The same happened to my friend. Asked girl out she said yes her parents said no. This was five years ago.

They're engaged now. And it's going to be a very bad tempered wedding kek they still has him. Racist Chinese

>>37333034
Exactly how old are you dude?
This sounds like teenager shit
What the fuck are you even doing on this website. I'm a 32 year old bitter loser and you need to stop being a little faggot. The fact that you were able to talk to this girl shows you that this board isn't for you since the majority of us at that age had zero friends, zero shot at normality and when we got into our 20s our lives were destined for either suicide or a lifetime of depression.

>>37333556
>but what exactly does "British member" mean?

It's a James Bond joke. Next time I dress up as James Bond and face Soviet spies, I want to know how to be a cocky Britbong motherfucker.

Also, I might go out with some classmate, because I feel like getting WASTED

>>37333921
I guess, but with the whole "drug dealers are subhuman trash" memes that keep going around here, it keeps that incident fresh on my conscience and I feel really bad.

I don't even use drugs.

>>37333436
>I have emotions
yes, so do i. but do you act on them? do you realize when you get annoyed it's cause someone didnt treat you well and go talk to that person to set it right?
when you're sad at night, do you realize it's cause you're lonely and find someone to talk to?

read above with a tone of passion, not irritation. feels good man.

>>37333861
do you want an anecdote from my last break up that i think might be relevant, even though that relationship was nothing like what i think you and LP had?

>>37333529
>that's pretty much my plan. i wanted to learn how to pronounce it though.
Well, with russian, the r is going to be your biggest problem. Actually there are some people who never learn how to pronounce this letter properly (and they are heavily mocked for it usually their whole life). If it was simple, I'd tell you, but it's not. Where are you from? Some languages also utilize this sharp r, like spanish, finnish and most slavic languages.

Also there is one thing that might also be hard to you, that is palatalization. For many letters there are actually two forms. One palatalized and one non palatalized. In Czech we have something similar, but we call it soft and hard (which is quite different from what russians call "hard" and "soft" sign to make it more complicated). Palatalized is basically when you push your tongue to the top of your mouth while saying something. Once again, easier to look up some examples that will help you in what you are trying to say.

>>37331242
I think I might have started investing too much in a relationship and now I feel really stupid.

I've been nice and kind and thoughtful and generous. But I don't know if I have received kindness and thoughtfulness and generosity.

I just feel really stupid and can't stop thinking about it.

>>37333977
>do you want an anecdote from my last break up that i think might be relevant, even though that relationship was nothing like what i think you and LP had?

Yes. I also want to know what LP stands for.

>>37333456
You ok Nick? You really don't sound like yourself today.
>>37333524
>nothing going for me
Like what? I won't judge you.
>>37333892
You may have sold it to that person, but they sought it out and consumed it. If it wasn't from you they would've gotten it elsewhere.
>>37333977
>do I act on them
Yes.
>when you're sad at night, do you realize it's cause you're lonely and find someone to talk to?
I had someone. Had.

>>37333955
Fuck other peoples opinions around here, most of them are trying to trigger others. Was this person close to you as a friend/best friend/SO?

Hey guys, how's everyone doing?

Everything bad as always?

>>37334044
MIXED FEELINGS
UP AND DOWN
I WANT IT TO STOP

>>37334044
Feeling shitty, today was a no human interaction day so kinda lonely. How was your day?

>>37334022
It wasn't a super "close" friend, but it was still a good friend that I'd have conversations with everytime I dropped off to him.

From what his girlfriend told me, he overdosed cause he dropped like 3 pills which were 10mg each and he drank a bottle of jack. Still feel very guilty, though.

>>37334017
Thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

>>37334017
>You ok Nick? You really don't sound like yourself today.

Indeed, and I feel it. From a day to the next, I feel like a different person. I've lost myself months ago and I don't know if I'll ever find myself again.

Fucking movie made me cry within seconds. Won't tell what it is until after I've finished it. Just seeing a mother and her baby makes me collapse. I was supposed to become a father, she was supposed to become a mother. We were supposed to have a family.

It's all over.

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>>37333923
hUrR dUrR iM MoRe sad ANd pAThEtIc ThAn yOu!!!!

>>37334044
I'm just pissed at getting woke up two hours early for work. Fuckig storms making a mess. Other than that I'm my usual dull self.
>>37334102
You're welcome. Don't take others' blame onto yourself. Very unhealthy habit.

>>37334102
You seem like a kind person, you could have just been just another seller that didnt care about his customers. Its almost good that you feel this way about him, it shows you are a better human being than most people, even if you have the "nasty" job of a drug dealer

>>37334017
I used to have things going for me, despite being socially awkward I had good grades and enough common sense to maneuvre through social situations.

The problem is, from a very young age I used to watch my dad beat my mother, so I was always emotionally dull. I coped with this by playing vidya and just generally liking to read and watch films, the typical stuff. However, after it got bad enough that i had to give up the few friends I had when I was 11 so we could move, I essentially broke. I became aware that I had several dangerous streaks similar to my dad, I was slowly becoming more and more depressed, suicidal etc. I became a full blown NEET when I was 14 for some time. After a while I managed to get my shit together and got back into working towards a career in games.

Now though, despite me being predicted all As, because I got a B and C last year I will not get into the uni I want. This is literally the best uni in europe for my career choice, so the little hope I was clinging onto has gone.

Add onto this thigns like my mother calling me a freak multiple times and me processing all of this internally with never seeking help, and now I'm 19 and on the brink of suicide.

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>>37334113
>Indeed, and I feel it. From a day to the next, I feel like a different person.

>pic related
don't know what this passage is in english, nor if there is an image of it

>>37334102
>From what his girlfriend told me, he overdosed cause he dropped like 3 pills which were 10mg each and he drank a bottle of jack. Still feel very guilty, though.
It's not your fault, anon. Opiates + alcohol is a deadly combination for ANYONE.

Are you that drug dealing fembot from that one thread?

>>37334113
>I was supposed to become a father, she was supposed to become a mother. We were supposed to have a family.
Fuck. I'm right there with you Nick. I had the ring and everything.

>>37334065
hey, atleast you got some ups!

>>37334085
No that bad, spent last 3 hours on discord with a bunch of friends so that was fun
Bad thing is Ive been trying to find my balls and text a girl the whole day and still havent done it.
Feel like a total retard coz of it

>>37334128
I feel you, my final exams are on tuesday and we have to go to a "starting ceremony" tomorrow with full suits and everything, I cant sleep for shit right now

>>37333978
im swedish, we got a couple of different ways of pronouncing R's. but i think im fairly good at imitating sounds, it doesnt fix my accent when talking i foreign languages. but if i have a phrase i dont understand i think im alright in copying how it sounds.

>>37334001
that's supposed to be LO, my fingers are hard to control.
with my ex i used her to be my safety and my entertainment. my way to not be bored. i could feel our relationship going sour months before we ended it. and i wanted to end it for a long time, but it wasnt worth giving up all that i thought was good in my life.
when it ended i was devastated since i thought i was gonna go back to basement dwelling. but a few days later we decided we were gonna stay in touch anyway. it was such a relief, i never felt anything like it before. all my sadness was gone in an instant. however, what was sour in our relationship was still there. we were talking almost daily and almost every conversatino turned into an argument. it wasnt untill we stopped talking that i was actually able to move on. and i didnt move on to basementdwelling. i still care for her and am gratefull for the time we had, but i'd rather not talk to her. i know that as things are now we'd just annoy eachother.

>>37334017
>Yes.
well fuck, maybe my gut feeling is all wrong

>>37334219
>hey, at least you got some ups!

but like in a roller coaster, I know what's going to happen after that

>>37334219
text the fucking girl and acknowlege that you appreciate what she did the other night! fuck!

>>37334273
Dude im autistic as fuck
not a surprise for a robot but hell, what do you expect

>>37333924
There you go.

>Otsosi moj britanskii chlen, Ty griaznyi dvoinoi agent!

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0tyiNll27hj

>>37334297
Come on, you will feel relieved when you did it.

>>37334297
i think she noticed for herself how autistic you were when you were talking for half a night. and she said she was up for talking to you more, that probably means she is, no?

this is a great situation since you said you didnt see her as gf material anyway. talk to her. atleast you get some practice talking to someone new. if she tells you to fuck off atleast you'll know and have lost nothing

>>37334219
>Feel like a total retard coz of it
Kurva Atlas!

Napis ji vole, vo co kurva de? Ne jako fakt, co se muze stat? Rekni, kdyz ji napises a ona te posle do pice, tak co se stane?

Sorry to everyone for using this language, but I thing it's easier to explain to him. He can understand.

>>37334397
>>37334320

Fuck it, youre right, wish me luck

>>37334304

Pretty based.

Now I can be James Bond.

>>37331242
After my dad died i couldn't feel anything. I wanted to feel sad, I loved him. After he died I cried not even once, I couldn't cry, I still can't cry. I was 13 back then, now 17. Since then I can't feel much for anyone and I am mean with everyone, but when i realize what I've done to them i hate myself, and I can't do anything about it, I dont realize when i am mean and i dont do it on purpose. It is making me sick, I feel overwhelmed.
I wanna feel more than sadness and anger but i can't and I dont know how.
What to do?

>>37334418
>Kurva Atlas
Im dying, dontknow the rest but i have a hunch of what it might be kek

>>37334426
enjoy the butterflies. and report back with results!
im about to sleep soon, but i'll catch up

Ok, she responded. Were talking. So far so good.

from now on it's pretty much unknown territory for me

>>37334552
focus on enjoying it, you dont have to impress her

>>37333923
Spergs of all ages stick together, fucking tard

>>37334451
It's just bunch of insults masked as advice. Or maybe the other way around?

>>37334552
Just do whatever feels natural. Your instincts will tell you what to do. If she's at all into you, she'll go for it.

>>37334640
Bunch of insults sometimes is the best advice

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>>37333142
>but is it a chance you want to take?
kinda is, the side effects are a bitch

>>37333204
ive proposed to reduce the dose but he is reluctant. i just figure i may as well confront this head on

it does sound to me like a way to shut off: being sad also fulfilled that function but its not a good defense, leaves you open to depression and victimizes you in many ways. being angry doesnt do that but also doesnt seem healthy. what do you remember being scared of?

Bump for Atlas.

>>37334986
How nice.
But not much to say, were talking about the friday night, she seems to be fine with it so thats good

>>37335086

If she hadn't been fine with it, you'd have known it much sooner.

Any other signs that she "likes" you?

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People already left? These threads are shorter and shorter

>>37335224
She said she has to go coz she has work tomorrow but it's been nice, seems like shes trying to cheer me up.

And she called me a horribly cute version of my actual name even tho everyone calls me Atlas and I told her to call me that when we met.
(I know, cringe as fuck but I didnt choose it)
So that was pretty strange

>>37335249
Yeah they are. I sometimes think that I'm an bad omen prophesying the end of the thread, because it usually seems to come to a close when I come in.

>>37335331
>>37335249
Well for the people in Europe its getting pretty damn late considering most people here have to go to work
I guess this might be a reason

>>37335404
Then we should make the thread earlier.

I'm here until I feel like I have too much else to do or 2 AM

>>37335404
I thought the opposite, that most people here stay up all night because they are not normies and sleep all day

>>37335324
>horribly cute version of my actual name

Bingo, Atlenko.

She wants your D and all the love you have to give.

>>37335331

If I did my job correctly, the threads would once again go over 600 posts. Don't worry.

>>37335404

True. I work late tomorrow, so I can indulge myself.

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>>37335404
>most people here have to go to work

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This one might not specifically reference being fat so, you know, kill yourself you grotesque manatee. People are starving because you're hoovering up everyone else's share. That said I thought you might enjoy a musical interlude for a change of pace: A song about a school bully from the musical 'Tommy' by The Who:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omYH2MFEERw

>>37334233
>well fuck, maybe my gut feeling is all wrong
Do you not act on your feelings? Being untrue to yourself can cause feeling down.
>>37334426
Good luck Atlas!
>>37334687
Then good luck to you.
>>37335331
I'm sorry I disappeared yesterday. Got really into that game. How're you?
>>37334179
You need to go to a certified mental help specialist inmediately. Google "-your county- certified mental help" and see what you can find.

>>37335459
Wat? What the fuck did I just watch?

Im gonna leave you guys too.
Have to go to that starting ceremony so I got to wake up in about 6 hours
Girl started talking even after she said she has to go to sleep and pretty much spammed me with messages, told me to text her again later.
Said I will, wished her good night.

>>37335459
Glad I didnt leave already, I thought you would miss it today

Will keep you guys informed of course.
Good night everyone

>>37335563
You're on the right path Atlas. Good luck with tomorrow!

>>37335468
I'm fine Hero, thanks for asking. You don't have to apologize. I joined the thread pretty late anyways, but I appreciate your concern.

>>37335614
WellI felt bad because I didn't mean to disappear, but disappeared right after you showed up anyways.

>>37335563
Yeah, good luck Atlas see you next time.

>>37335551
If you liked that, you'll love this one. If sexual abuse isn't an appropriate subject for a musical number I don't know what is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7e4Y03uojg

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>>37335667
I'm so confused. I can't even.
>>37335443
I found a thing yesterday. Fucking iphone won't let me delete drawn messages out of its memory, so I'm stuck with a bunch of pic related feels.

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>>37335824
Gonna dump some of these feels just to keep thread bumped.

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>>37336007
These threads dying always makes me sad. 2/3

>>37336007

I guess you drew this for her?

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>>37336049
And last one 3/3. Fuck. Despite everything I still miss her.
>>37336051
Yeah. There is a thing where you can draw things ok phone and send over messages. Every one I sent her is saved permanently on my phone, and I'll see them whenever I open that drawing function. I'd forgotten why I'd quit using it until last night.

Pretty slow one tonight. Went to the gfs for a barbecue today. It was alright, but went on too long. Eat some food, great, but for fuck's sake don't make me watch Pirates of the Carribean.

>>37336164

Ar ar, matey, want to talk about last night?

>>37336164
Some people try and drag things on well past when they should've ended. It always makes the whole experience worse.

>>37335649
Like I said, it's fine.

>>37336178
What's there to say, got drunk, switched out, went to bed. Same shit different day. A disappointing Saturday after such a long week desu.

>>37336196
It's true. I was nice, should have just had a cup of tea and left rather than sitting down for a long, shitty film we all saw ten years ago.

>>37336164
Hey, I forgot to ask if you're alright, because of last night. You were Facette, and I remember joining your cytu dot be group when you came back.

>>37336219
It may not bother you but it bothers me. I like belonging somewhere but disappeared to do something I could always do after.
>>37336262
Try not to let that terrible film ruin the memories of the rest of the night.

>>37336262
>What's there to say, got drunk, switched out, went to bed. Same shit different day. A disappointing Saturday after such a long week desu.

You're always so dismissive of those things. That's absolutely abnormal. Can you explain your own disinterest?

>>37336282
I'm fine, none the worse for it. Didn't even have a hang over so that made a change. Well, aside from the regret that comes with watching Boruto: Naruto Generations.

>>37336290
Ah, I'm not too fussed.

Anyway everyone, talk to you in an hour if the thread's up. Going to watch Evil Dead 2 now.

>>37336330
It's par for the course for me. I'm disinterested because to me, it is normal.

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so on top of having no desire or ambition, i figured out that I probably have schizoid personality disorder

What the fuck do I do

>>37336383
>It's par for the course for me. I'm disinterested because to me, it is normal.

Do you remember everything?

>>37336383
Have fun
>>37336411
What makes you think your diagnosis is correct?

When LO was upset, or even when she wasn't, she'd hide under her covers. Knees up. She'd read stuff on her phone, most often.

Every time she did that, I'd peek in. It was always a funny moment.

She told me that when she does it in London, I'm not there to peek in.

This is tonight's thought. I cry every fucking time I think about it.

The thought of her, alone, where I can't do anything for her...

I can't stop crying.

Does anyone else think it's fucking bullshit to relentlessly mock, insult, and publicly humiliate somebody who has been diagnosed with both major depressive disorder (MDD) and social anxiety disorder (SAD)?

Within these past five years, I've been officially diagnosed with four different disorders. Those four disorders being: MDD, SAD, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

I've already seen three different psychiatrists, three different psychotherapists, one psychologist, and one neurologist.

I've already paid $700 to get an MRI scan done on my brain to have it examined by a neurologist for any indications of abnormalities that may be inducing any of the signs and/or symptoms of mental disorders (MDs).

I've already paid $700 to have myself tested for pretty much all personality disorders (PDs) and MDs by an actual psychologist with the "Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory - 2" (MMPI) and been told that I do *NOT* have any PD. PDs that I was told by the psychologist that I do *NOT* have included: narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD).

I've already spent over $2000 on "therapy" with three different therapists who did nothing for me.

I've spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on three different types of antidepressants, an anticonvulsant, an anti-anxiety agent, a psychostimulant, a sedative, and am going to begin taking an antipsychotic. And there doesn't seem to be any end in sight.

And I've been told by several people (specifically: people within my own family and a lot of people on the internet) that they don't give a single fuck about any of this. In fact, I've been repeatedly mocked, insulted, and publicly humiliated several times. I've even had people suggest to me that I should commit suicide multiple times. And whenever I've tried to complain about this to anyone, I am told that I am "weak" (my brother actually told me this).

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>>37336801
>tfw nobody cares that much about me
>>37336891
Those that do not face these problems simply cannot grasp how hard living is. Also people fucking suck, just as a general rule.

>>37336891
>Does anyone else think it's fucking bullshit to relentlessly mock, insult, and publicly humiliate somebody who has been diagnosed with both major depressive disorder (MDD) and social anxiety disorder (SAD)?

Of course. That said, don't stop at those two things, they're only symptoms, they're not conditions.

You probably have C-PTSD.

You are surrounded by cunts, my friend.

You are reacting, that's why you have all these things, but you are healthier than you think.

>>37336891

Write me.

[email protected]

I'll help.

Going to bed now, good night everyone.

>>37337347
See you next time Nick, hope to talk soon.

>Memorial Day weekend in LA
>packs of normies everywhere
>in the cafe
>in the park
>entire crowds of them
>happy couples laughing and sitting on picnic blankets
>been here like a year and a half now and still no friends or gf

god i'm feeling like a lonely piece of shit today