/cripplingdepression/ general

Reading Brave New World and trying to distract myself from suicidal thoughts

>tfw no soma to make me happy

>>37299322
i dream of chemical happiness

File: 1490810323898.jpg (115KB, 750x955px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 750x955px

>tfw started a supplement today
>it's a fast-acting antidepressant
>it works
Here's hoping I can start building my life up, bros

>>37299313
how are you depressed when you have a job you fucking idiot. you now have the money to buy whatever the fuck you want now

money can buy happiness idc what anyone says

>>37299358
whatcha taking?

>>37299396
im gunna buy a nintendo switch :V

>hang out with oneitis after two months of no contact
>fall in love again

I preferred being numb and careless over this. I honestly need to tell her how I feel and just get it over with, but I'm dumb.

>>37299322
I actually wanted to start reading today again. I couldn't read for the past year just because my focus is completely gone, making it impossible to get through a book. I couldn't find anything interesting on my shelves though, I'm hoping I can start again though because I love books.

>>37299414
>whatcha taking
It's called tianeptine. Prescription antidepressant basically every country except the US. Highly addictive, but apparently effective.

File: tumblr_n7zukidWwU1qze3hdo1_r2_500.gif (806KB, 500x332px) Image search: [Google]

806KB, 500x332px

studying hard for a test im having next year, it's an admition test for college, 10 out of 400 will get in, im insecure about succeding and that complicate my reading
also writting a short storie every night using random pics (ex: woman, umbrella, car) and Im doing it great, I may have an autistic superpower, I probably wrotte +100 stories this year and some really complex ones
rn im just laying in bed listening some albums from my "second listen" folder, I need to liberate space on my PC so im going to delete everything that is not a 4-5 star album for me, saddly im not progessing really fast

what kind of job you got?

File: Capture.png (29KB, 345x263px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 345x263px

to be honest skelly I have been doing alright, it all still seems rather pointless but emotionally I have leveled off since I am on a total of 5 mood stabilizers/SSRIs. I still think its all an illusion though, that the moment I am off all the chemicals every bit of pain will flood back all at once and I will finally go through with it and succeed this time....
idk I'm a rambler

>>37299589
>10 out of 400 will get in
>not simplifying to 1 out of 40
confirmed for not making it.

just kidding anon, good luck

im meeting a doctor on monday. wish me luck friends

>>37299467
tell her how you feel if its eating you up

>>37299584
Never heard of, probably cus im in the us. Glad it works for you!

>>37299589
Good luck my dude! Interesting, are your stories any good? And i'm gunna be working in a library

>>37299598
dont stop taking your pills my dude. Its not an illusion, its helping you.

>>37299619
Good luck! Have specific points you want to talk about?

>>37299675
its a meeting my therapist(s) recommended because they think i have depression. i also think i do, would be nice to have meds if necessary.

File: IMG_3369.png (363KB, 348x349px) Image search: [Google]

363KB, 348x349px

>>37299313
Just got diagnosed last month. Doc prescribed me Prozac. Haven't taken it.


What sucks is I feel I have a great life. Not sure why I have anxiety attacks and mood swings. Also not eating and lost 15lbs (Shelly af)

>>37299765
Okay, well I hope it all works well my dude. Meds can help, dont be afraid to switch if you dont like what you're on

>>37299769
Why arent you taking your meds? Anxiety attacks and mood swings are chemical related, its a brain thing that meds can fix

>>37299769
>Shelly
Skelly**

Also to add
>have a loving gf
>great job, just got promoted
>great education
>no loans or debt, literally saving so much
>being gifted a home by my parents

Only thing I can think of is a woman who was hitting on me. Kinda got emotionally attached. But that started a bit after my first signs.

>>37299792
I'm scared tbqh. Suicidal thoughts are not something I want to have.

Plus working out seems to get rid of anxiety.

>>37299616
thank god math is not part of it, film college, and actually is 4 out of 10 out of 40 because there are only 4 spots for non-local citizens (im moving next january) so yeah im kinda fucked but I can always be a hero

>>37299842
you're not always going to want to kill yourself on prozac. Exercise can help, but if its not enough meds are there to help as well.

File: beautifulday-09.jpg (1MB, 1600x1186px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1600x1186px

>>37299675
Its not that I don't want to take them, it is just a fear is that one day is all it will take for everything to come crashing down

>>37299873
Im not sure what you mean, i'm sorry :(

>>37299864
So exercise helps a lot. But sometimes I feel too hopeless to exercise and it makes it easier to just hang around and play video games.

People have started to notice. I'm just telling them I have something unknown to my doctor.

File: 318314.jpg (446KB, 1920x1200px) Image search: [Google]

446KB, 1920x1200px

>>37299313
i'm in eastern Canada and im moving to Burnaby Vancouver.
I dont have a job or house but I dont care its something happening,
Im gonna make a stop in L.A for a week because ive never been and always wanted too.

I know its irrational and irresponsible, but its better then staying where I am and losing all the money i work for to rent.

I'd rather fail there then succeed here.
ive been homeless before so it shouldn't be that bad.

It's given me motivation, this must be how suicidal people feel when they've decided their fate.
I have confidence and I care about what I spend my time on now, it feels like im dying but im just getting started.

>>37299897
If people notice that means your issues are pretty strong. When you feel helpless to exercise, maybe do something light like go for a walk. It could help even if its not your normal routine
what games do you play?

>>37299898
Wishing you all the best anon. What are you going to try to do out htere?

>>37299675
>are your stories any good?
I like an 80% of them, of course I cant talk for an audience, but ill definetely going to publish them anyway

library sounds comfy, I wish I have the dignity of lurking for a job but I cant see the point of living paycheck to paycheck, once a neet..

>>37299951
whatever the hell I want and im feeling invigorated.
I dont want to be one of those people who blames everyone for their problems, but all my problems are from my family

dad left before born
step-dad was there before I was born, but never treated me like a son
>cheated on my mom for 10 years
mom is bi-polar and burned all my baby photos in front of me, later kicking me out at 16 because she was scared of me
grandfather molested mother on multiple occasions, but still wants me to be in his life

I'm disowning myself and never turning back.

jobs generally make you more sad anon

>>37300004
i'm still living with parents. I need to move out but this wont let me. I wish i had the motivation to write like you do, good on ya

>>37300007
Good idea. Really, really good idea. Sounds awful, im so sorry thats how you grew up anon

>>37300020
agree!! i feel so shitty when im not working

>>37299951
I go to walks when it's really bad. Like I wake up on weekends and I feel like if I don't go for a walk my anxiety is killing me.

I play overwatch and rocket league. Nothing too serious. Just makes it easier to stay home and not do anything.


It sucks because my gf wants to spend all this time with me but I'm kinda over her. I feel so indifferent that I don't feel the same with her. It's a chore now.

File: calvin.png (331KB, 429x601px) Image search: [Google]

331KB, 429x601px

>>37299891
god I am stupid, can't even get the words out
I guess I meant one day of missing the medicine to lose it all, I don't know

Spend all day talking to people at work, fucking drains me, when I get home and I am off the clock the mere presence of a person makes me in a irritable mood. This is what life is though... people, people, people, people. That's why I got asked to leave college, that's why the people I work with call my a sociopath behind my back, that's why my family is constantly disappointed in me, why the few "friends" I had just sort of faded away...

I mean they're not really problems so I feel like trash for complaining, and that awareness makes me feel worse, so it's an endless cycle

>>37300122
I sound like a fucking idiot

>>37300122
>why the few "friends" I had just sort of faded away...
That's literally everyone anon. When you leave high school it gets harder and harder to meet people. College I met a couple people in the 5 years I was there and even then we see each other once in a blue moon.

So don't stress that. Many people don't have all the friends as you may think. I consider myself pretty normie yet I rarely hang out with my friends and vice versa.

Try joining a kickball or an easy intramural sports team in your city. I did it for the giggles but lots of people there were loners who set new to the city and just wanted to meet friends which I helped with.

>>37300052
Good games. Yeah you should probably break up with her.

>>37300122
Okay, I understand you now. Please dont feel bad for complaining, its always okay to express your feelings. You just sound introverted, i get that people are draining.
Also missing one day of meds wont kill you. I promise

not feeling good since I have to get up in 7 hours and go to work. wasted my day off as usual. I've no clue what I'm doing with my life. I had some hope that maybe I could meet a girl in college, but I've finally realized that I'm ugly genetic trash so I've given up hope and now am committed to living the lonely wizard life.

only reason I'm continuing college is so I can immigrate to a nice country. then I think if I've saved enough, I can buy some land and live off of it and won't have to work except for myself. and then I can just study and do comfy things until I die. don't know if I'll ever do it, but it gives me some motivation.

File: dajjal.png (78KB, 162x172px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 162x172px

>>37300241
I just don't see the point then, they will all end up leaving, fading away you know? How can I invest time and feelings into a friendship with that concept looming over me? I have written pages and drawn graphs and made formulas for how I imagine what factors go into forming that bond like someone with Aspergers, I just can't wrap my head around it...
and yeah I water plants that will die and I spend an hour petting my dog even though he'll die, but something about people, the idea that they will someday make a choice, after years of slowly disintegrating discussion, to stop writing the letters, stop making the calls. That they'll see you at a reunion or at the supermarket and pretend that they still know the completely different person standing in front of them? I despise the concept of forgetting someone

File: mae.png (140KB, 424x354px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 424x354px

>>37300434
haha I sound like such an overwhelmingly romantic faggot, I know it's all in my head...

>>37300434
AH I see. So it's the investment of the friendship you're worried about.

Well good on your for commiting to something and not wanting to waste time. Have you tried online games? Lots of times you can meet people there and slowly build a relationship.

For now, I've only met one other person who I feel like I will always be able to depend on. Thing is they are depressive too. So not saying you should look for other depressives lol?

>>37300520
You're fine man. As much as I hate to say it, I know most people who love being alone still want someone they can depend on.

Anyways have a good night anon. I'm hitting the hay.

File: fall.png (201KB, 460x369px) Image search: [Google]

201KB, 460x369px

>>37300586
oh yeah, I learned that lesson, they were depressed and they fucked me up real bad, focused too much attention on them and got some guardian angel complex you know, but I ended up metamorphosing their personality into mine, they were bulimic so I became bulimic (was still until newest batch of drugs) lots of stuff like that...

>>37300702
night man, sleep well

>>37299313
More i think about it i dont think anyone is happy. Everyone hides it or as some vice that gives them temporary relief. life is suffering and then we die, that is the human condition.

File: truth.jpg (41KB, 750x655px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 750x655px

>>37299313
I am depressed as fuck as usual.

Well wishes to everyone in this thread.

>Got into a big fight with gf
>Gf killed herself a couple weeks back
>Failing classes
>Lost my part time job
>Parents are so disappointed in me
>My dog is old and doesn't have long left, just the thought of losing her too hurts like hell
>I cry myself to sleep most nights
"Life is like a swing...
You swing high and you swing low.
But in order to swing high you must pass by the low ground.
Without the lows in life, you won't get the highs."
I'm waiting to pass by the low ground now.

File: 1478749421423.png (139KB, 397x287px) Image search: [Google]

139KB, 397x287px

Anyone else in the position where antidepressants are the only thing that helps them? I've tried exercise, therapy, consuming a more healthy diet, "putting myself out there" and "coming out of my comfort zone", religion, self-compassion (that didn't last long), you name it, it was worthless. While on SSRIs, I'm not exactly happy and my anxiety continues to persist, but life is manageable. I don't feel like bawling my eyes out daily and I don't think about suicide constantly for weeks at a time anymore. My thoughts no longer stray as intensely and frequently to excessive introspection and self loathing.

I know there's nothing proving it's a "chemical imbalance" and that's not what I'm suggesting, so don't get me wrong.

File: 672286e33f8191892bfb46ae2491513f.png (388KB, 431x389px) Image search: [Google]

388KB, 431x389px

WHY DOES MEDICATION NOT WORK?????
JUST