Psychological Issues

>>37263534
>Attention Deficit Disorder, struggle in classes
>Depressed, hate my fucking life every day. The little time I enjoy sitting in my room is always inturrupted by family, work, schoolwork, or a need for sleep.
Everyday is so repetitive I'm so tired

>>37263534
Well, this is unexpected.

i wanna give up daily life of uni and work so i can become neet again but I know that in 10 years I'll regret it

>>37264700
Sounds like you already have the answer. What are you studying? Do you like it?

I think that I shall not post anymore in this thread unless someone comes along with something urgent. When the official thread is up, I would redirect all who read this to that one.

>>37263534

Manic/psychotic episodes where I stop sleeping and go completely bonkers.

No support needed, I just take lithium. It is a wonder drug.

what are the baby steps I should take to reintroduce myself into society? I haven't had friends since the early 2000s, my family doesn't hate me but doesn't like mentioning me to their friends either, never had a job, dropped out of post-secondary education a few times after one or two semesters, I have no practical/job skills

>>37264451
I second this statement. I would have expected one of the regulars, unless Joji is a regular, but I am not familiar.

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>>37263534
Hey Joji, I'm going to give you the typical picture for the thread just in the case of you starting the thread again in the future.

>>37264810
I wanna do medicine but I need to get a bachelor degree to get in since I did shit in high school, problem is whenever my life gets busy and I have responsibilities I become catatonic and shut down and sleep all day don't eat don't shower.

I'm on Fking 4 different drugs and I still can't function I'm fukoing done man

>>37264415
Are you seeking help?

>>37263534
>diagnosed schizoaffective, been on antidepressants and antipsychotics for years, just left hospital after low episode
>for past few months been thinking of killing my family (rationalised it to myself) and even when I was in hospital was having nightmares about it
>told my old psychiatrist, new one I saw yesterday and one that was in hospital
>"mhm ok"
>crisis team came to my house today said they have to tell my family about my thoughts


Scared lads, wat do. Psychiatrists don't seem to think its an issue but its fucking terrifying to me. I am convinced they only said they would tell my family to make me do so myself, but I don't want to upset my family

Also the doctors only seem interested in things the voices say, not these intrusive thoughts which makes me think I'm malingering

Hey Joji how's everything? Need to talk?

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I don't know what's going on here but I don't like it. Still I have to work now. So assuming that this is the official thread - which I doubt - then I will now bully Atlas.

A - Always eating
T - Tubby Two-Forks (what his mom calls him when I'm plowing her)
L - Lose weight, fatty!
A - Avoids salad
S - Stinks of meat sweat

Glad to help, as ever.

>>37265238

>Also the doctors only seem interested in things the voices say, not these intrusive thoughts which makes me think I'm malingering

Psychiatrists are almost universally useless for things like this. They don't know anything about psychosis and they don't understand their psychotic patients. They're there to prescribe drugs to help you manage your life but I don't even bother trying to tell them what I'm actually thinking. It just muddies the waters.

They understand the DSM checklists, they have enough experience with mad people that they can tell when someone is mad, they hopefully know a lot about the ~two dozen psych drugs they use.

If you expect anything else from them you will all too often be disappointed.

>>37265387
>daily Atlas bullying image
Dammit thats funny Facet.

>>37265416
Glad you like it. As time wears on, staying creative will become more of a challenge

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>>37265431
As long as it works, keep going. I can't wait for supper. Eating this entire thing.

>>37265477
And my name fell off. Waiting 50 seconds to post again is bullshit.

>>37263534
>all the men on my fathers side have schizophrenia, mostly of the paranoid kind
>I think I'll be fine and miss it
>decide to take acid on new years
>completely crack open my mind and believe acid is the running force of the universe giving me answers to everything in life
>I thought the world worked in 3's and 7's (201"7")
>thought that if I watched the countdown to the ball drop that I would have to accept my death then and there
>all I could do to not completely freak out was stay rolled in a ball on the couch facing the wall
>end up somehow sitting in the basement watching this video: https://youtu.be/52Gg9CqhbP8
>since I have abandoned all grasp on what is real and what isn't, it completely explains everything going on in my life at the moment and almost every time I watch it I still feel like I get insight on my life
>take acid 4 times in the span of 3 weeks "just in case its all true"
>watching videos actually feels like I created the game, am playing the game, and watching the game all at the same time
>think I can talk to everybody in the world telepathically
>think everybody can hear my thoughts also
>because of this, don't fap for 3 whole months
>go through delusions of grandeur (think im god, jesus, and lucifer in that order despite not being religious in any sense)
>think my life is a rigged up game
>finally nihilism brings me back down to the ground (inb4 you edgy shit edgy)
>despite mostly being back to reality, I manage to still get delusions of grandeur such as thinking I'm being monitored by the cia for secretly being a superintelligent being or knowing the secret to life
>still have paranoia throughout the past 5 months of people being out to kill me
>5 whole months of feeling like I'm in a nightmare

not even logic can save me, plus feeling like I'm controlling games while watching them, or feeling like I'm telepathically communicating with people in videos was the most socialization I got in a while and was really comforting

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>>37265400
true

supposedly getting therapy soon

mfw I was going to be a psychiatrist

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>antidepressant/smoking cessation aid does shit for moodswings
>still smoke like a chimney because focusing on the burning in my lungs and taking a time-out every 30 minutes is the only way i can tolerate working
>anti-anxiety meds help, but only if i take double dose in the morning
>need a psychiatrist appointment because ive only got one days dose for everything left
>[INTERNAL SCREAMING]
eating a rifle bullet looks better every day.

>>37265431
>>37265499
If you're all going to be posting here, I guess a small departure from established protocol can be tolerated and we can commandeer this thread.

>>37265560
You really need to seek professional help. Are you in a position where that is at all possible?

>>37265741
I am actively seeking professional help but nobody seems to know what to do, my therapist wont call me back, she told me to go to a psychologist which we called that told us we need a referral from the therapist. I've talked to school counselors that told me if I start having violent thoughts to tell them and they'll bring me to a mental ward and I'm considering telling them that just so I can get some form of help despite the fact that american mental wards are fucked.

>>37265842
You don't need to lie your way in, but if you are truly having those thoughts, you ought to be candid about them. Have you expressed all your symptoms honestly in the past?

>>37265560

As long as the general trend is toward normalcy you'll probably be okay in the end. Don't smoke pot if you do smoke pot, it's terrible for someone in that place. Better to get drunk than to smoke pot.

If you want though go see a doc and take an antipsychotic for a few weeks.

Don't let them tell you you have to take it forever or anything like that. You're hopefully/probably experiencing a drug induced psychosis which is not permanent.

>>37265842

Psychologists and therapists cannot do much for someone in your shoes, you should see a psychiatrist and take something like risperdal or zyprexa etc. etc. for a while.

>>37265927

And those drugs at low doses are not so bad to be on. 1mg of risperdal can be enough to pull someone out of something like that, don't let them ratchet up the dose because they're working out of a textbook.

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Yo. It's me.
My anxiety is specially stronger this week, to the point that I almost panicked yesterday. I have so many thoughts in my mind that I don't know what to do with them anymore, they never let me in peace and all I want is to be free from all this shit.
Also, I don't know what to do with my sadness anymore. A lot of shit happened maybe two or three weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm feeling absolutely broken and lost, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know why I am still alive, I just don't kill myself because I'm too much of a coward for that.
I have things I want to achieve, things that could actually give me some will to live and some hope for my life, but even trying to reach my goals makes no sense to me anymore. All I want is to never have existed, living hurts. I've been through all this shit for seven years or more already and all I want is some peace.
Sometimes I just want to take some money and run away from everything and everyone, I really wanna take a break from everything and everyone I know.

Meh, I want a hug.

Why am I hungry all the time. I'm a 6'2" skelly, and half an apple can make me feel full. But I have this never ending desire in my head to keep eating and snacking in my head, even when my stomach is satisfied or full, theirs still a voice in my head telling me to eat more.

>>37265899
Yeah, I've been as open as possible about what's going on in my head even though a lot of it is fucked up stuff I wouldn't tell my closest friend

>>37265904
I've been hoping it's just drug induced psychosis but wouldn't it go away a lot sooner? 5 months seems to be way longer than average. I tried smoking weed on my birthday after the incident and it threw me right back into that acid trip so I don't smoke anymore.

>>37265927
>>37265946
despite my use of acid and weed in the past, I'd rather try to keep away from ills as much as possible and ask if they can try some cognitive therapy or see if a diet plan works and if not, then consider pills.

>>37265842
Please don't get discouraged by the foibles of individuals. Continue seeking help until you get it, because you need it. Is there anyone else you could get in touch with for a referral?

>>37266000
not really, just the therapist and the harsh route of guidance counselor to mental ward.

>>37266029
She may yet respond. Do you feel you'll be ok in the meantime?

>>37266047
I'm hoping I will

>>37265995

I mean the fact that you make sense and have insight into your condition suggests you're not extremely far gone right now so that's good. Drug induced psychosis can last any amount of time afaik.

I've never thought my way out of a psychotic state. It either lifts on its own suddenly and out of the blue, or it gets bad enough that I'm in a psych ward, and then taking pills for a few weeks takes me out of it.

>>37266081
Not remotely the same and none of his symptoms are in line with a diagnosis of schizoid personality disorder.

>>37266072
Stay strong and please get help. If anything significantly more difficult develops, please do not try to deal with it on your own.

>>37265560
this makes me wanna do acid and fuck my life up desu

>>37266093
(responding to myself)

The biggest problem with psychiatrists treating psychosis is

1) some will put you on a dose out of a book, which may be higher than needed. You shouldn't necessarily be taking such a high dose that your symptoms go away completely, but enough to take the edge off. The reason you don't want to be on a high dose is they blunt your cognition and personality (psychiatrists always ask about "side effects", who gives a shit about tremors and weight gain when you're going nuts, the reason people don't like antipsychotics is the basic way they make you feel; the fact that few psychiatrists understand this should tell you how out of the loop they are)

2) They want you to stay on them for some completely arbitrary length of time that they read out of a book. In fact, if you feel like your symptoms have more or less gone away, it's totally reasonable IMO to cautiously experiment with reducing the dose, and continue until you're off it entirely, if you can do it.

Psychiatrists tend to be really conservative and cautious because a lot of their patients are fuckwits. But if you know you have insight into your own mind and condition, there's no need to listen to everything they say.

You ARE advised to pretend to agree with everything they say but what you do with the pills they give you is entirely your business.

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>>37263534
>constantly go from completely blank to somewhat happy and ambitious to beyond pissed for no reason
>been hallucinating figures/people and whatnot since at least 10-12 years old and sometimes hear things that aren't there
>come off as aggressive in conversations and have anger issues
>actively avoid close relationships out of paranoia and probably the issues with family I had growing up
>sometimes get intense intrusive and homicidal thoughts
>always feel that what I do isn't good enough and find most compliments to be half truths at best
>the only thing that probably stops me from fully contemplating doing a Cobain is my cat
>feel pretty much no sympathy or empathy and apparently have hurt people a lot various times throughout my life
>sometimes blank out whenever I'm sitting down
Welp. I just want my own land to live on by myself, preferably someplace like Alaska or remote PA. At least I can keep things toned down for a bit so I can have a job that doesn't revolve around flipping burgers.

>>37266093
if I would've come here just a month ago I would'nt have made any sense, actually got banned for a month for talking about my delusions on /x/ thinking that they were real. the thing is though that I analyse my thoughts and compare them with others to see if the thought makes any sense compared to other people and disregard if not. also rooting everything I do and think on logic has helped most of the time but still fails in an increasing percent of times.

>>37266169
despite my fuck up, I still really want to do acid again. I love fractals and I want to be able to control myself in such a terrifying state

>>37263534
Bottom feeder here. It's impossible to wake up to alarm clock. If someone invites me to get drunk, I often refuse or cut it short, if I have something of importance soon. If I don't and get drunk, my sleep schedule is messed up, I wake up at night and it takes entire week to fix it.

>>37265346
Yea everything is alright thanks for asking. I just like reading these threads and occasionally posting

>>37266213

>if I would've come here just a month ago I would'nt have made any sense, actually got banned for a month for talking about my delusions on /x/ thinking that they were real.

Lolol I did the same shit the first time I went nuts a few years ago. I had all these elaborate delusions about 4chan and moot, I was posting the dumbest most nonsensical things and thought everyone was writing in code.

It definitely sounds like you're moving in the right direction so that's good, and if it comes down to taking pills, just know that it's truly no big deal, and not a life sentence. These sorts of aberrant mental states have always been treated with drugs going back to antiquity, we just have more effective drugs now than they did.

>despite my fuck up, I still really want to do acid again. I love fractals and I want to be able to control myself in such a terrifying state

Don't live up to your name, dude.

>>37265560
hm I took acid once and it was a bad trip but alot of the same things happened to me. I thought acid gave me all the answers to life and I could control my feelings willingly.
I kept thinking that when I left my friends apt it meant death, I don't know why but it felt like I was going to die if I opened the door to the outside world.
IT ended with me seeings things that weren't there, unable to read my phone or anything.
It was very weird,

I kept seeing the friends I was with and it looked like they were almost being watched and that they were scared almost like they were at gunpoint and they all knew what was happening but had to go through with it and couldn't breathe a word of what was happening. it almost seemed like everything I watched or saw had these signs that I just never picked up on and that there were secret messages embedded pointing towards something.

I chucked it all up to just being on acid and never wanting to do psychedlics ever again, but your description sounds a lot like my trip.

>>37266213

And another thing: my story started very similarly to yours, though my behavior got weird enough that I did end up on the loony bin. And it did, ultimately, turn into a recurrent psychotic illness, even though I never touched psychedelics again.

I got better from the first break and after a few months started smoking pot again. Smoking pot had it's normal effects, nothing weird. Then two years after the first break I had another one and I've been a bit off-kilter on-and-off ever since.

I wonder if I had listened to the doctors and stayed away from the marihuana if things would have progressed like that.

So I strongly recommend just not smoking pot anymore, it's bad for people who are prone to psychosis, even if you can't see its effects directly.

Maybe it would've happened regardless of pot smoking but I'll never know now.

>>37266476
>>37266568

yeah, it feels like every piece of media has a secret message that only I can pick up on or something or rather it feels like people are ignoring the message and in a way, so am I. I still feel this but I ignore it ironically. I thought everyone was going through this for a while until I started asking around, but I guess admitting that you are experiencing these things is admitting that you aren't mentally sound.
the thing is that I didn't think about myself being on acid, I thought of myself as being acid and therefor not even thinking of saying "oh no this is just a side affect of acid" until a few days later after the trip. all 4 times have been both the best and worst experiences of my life and a risk I'm willing to take again given the opportunity.

my first break was on new years lasting for 3 months, seeing my grandpa almost die a month ago, in the middle of class 2 weeks ago not being able to tell if I was awake or in a dream, and a bunch of times in between because of really small shit that I've been able to talk myself out of such as listening to that song mentioned earlier yesterday
I don't want to smoke weed anymore because it's just proven terrifying and nothing more. I can't drink too much coffee, soda, or eat too much chocolate, ice cream, etc. or I start hearing voices at the least and full on hallucinate shadow people at worst which is why I'm wondering if going on a diet will help get rid of my problems

>>37266874
I mean I listened to the song yesterday, not implying that I made that post yesterday
fuck

>>37266874
Yea I am not really sure what it all means, I think the sense of death I felt when going outside was just anxiety for the outside world.

are these signs of Schizophrenia? I didnt have a psychosis state afterwards though, I threw up my tab a few hours later, I didn't eat anything beforehand and the feeling was getting really intense.

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I've been diagnosed with depression which seems to be seasonal. Half the year I'm fine and I improve, but then it hits me like a truck in winter and I undo everything. I got prescribed an SSRI, but I can't stay on any dosage of it because I become completely numb and get horrible derealization/depersonalization.
I can either decide to stay depressed, or be a shell of a person and not feel at all.

>>37266874

>yeah, it feels like every piece of media has a secret message that only I can pick up on or something

Yeah dude that is classic. It's like you pick up on all of the other meanings of a sentence or phrase which a sane brain can filter out. Everything becomes significant. Even the most banal conversation seems to wrap into the strange thoughts.

>all 4 times have been both the best and worst experiences of my life and a risk I'm willing to take again given the opportunity.

I understand that, but when you truly lose control of things it becomes a nightmare, and you do/say things that can't be unsaid or undone. I know I will experiment again - no need to take psychs, I'll just stop taking my meds. But not for a long time, probably not until old age.

>>37267066
Are you the anon that recently started that derealisation/depersonalisation thread?

>>37267525
Didn't start it but I'm watching it.

>>37267600
Oh, okay. I thought the pic was familiar.

getting my diagnosis tomorrow. wish me luck, lads.