So what's on your mind, Anon? I've been thinking a

>>37253528
How im going to pull the excuse of
"I dont think they put that shit in the grade book"
when my parents find out I failed

Every day I pray a nuclear missle kills me and my family instantly.
God hasn't been kind yet.

>>37253528
Something is keeping me from killing myself and I just can't for the life of me figure out what it is. I've stripped away everything and there's still something there. I've cut into the flesh only to discover a bone, unyielding and unseen. Maybe I just don't want to kill myself, but then why else would I do the things I do? I have no one left in my life and have alienated, mostly unconsciously, everyone in my life. I'm sure even my parents expect it at this point.

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>>37253577
Hey, you have a discord? I want to talk to you.

>>37253596
Are you the shrink anon?

>>37253596
I do but I don't use it and forgot the account info. We can talk here.

>>37253609
Well I have this idea for a movie and it involves people that want to kill themselves and talking about it.

>>37253577
What are the things you do that make it seem like you want to kill yourself?

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>>37253640
>no friends
>no job ever
>spend hours sitting on my bed waiting for evening so I can go to bed, I actually look forward to the day being over because it means time is passing and whether it is by my hand or not I will die
>no hope
>no passion, for anything, video games anime and all that shit included
This one is hard to explain but
>stopped thinking of the future as inevitable
That last one is maybe the biggest. Still go running 5 times a week for some reason. That's why I think I probably don't want to kill myself, but at the same time i'd only do it with a gun since it's the only surefire way and I don't like to take chances.

>>37253628
Not that anon, but I'll tell you why I want to kill myself and can't. I can only compare it to something else though.
Theres was this Native American guy, Ishi, back in the early 1900s who was literally the last of his tribe. He was the only one who spoke their language and it was against the rules to teach it to someone else.
Ishi was completely alone in the world. He couldn't even tell anyone his real name, because that was one of the tribe teachings.
Now, Ishi lived his entire life, hoping that he would meet another one of his tribe, but he never did. He didn't kill himself either. He stayed alive to hopefully find someone like him.
That's how I feel. The chances of actually meeting someone like me that I can actually connect with are impossibly small, but you can't do anything but keep trying.
The pain of the last wild Indian is a pain that a lot of us here can share.

>>37253805
When I was young, I spun with the world, but as I got older, the world spun faster and I just couldn't keep up.

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I'm trying to stop looking at porn, but every time I see something porny like some big juicy tits I go caveman and all I can think about is fapping, porn, boobs, etc.

>>37253528
I'm excited for a concept test short film I'm gonna be doing in a week or so. It's gonna be blood squibs and this neat split screen effect I learned earlier which you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPfZH_aOXBE

Other than that, I really liked the new Castlevania Netflix trailer. I'm just trying to ignore the fact that I have no gf and just launch myself into movie watching/movie making to mask my loneliness.

>>37253860
this could pass as a quality vincepost desu

>>37253863
Same here. Even just a harmless anime girl will trigger a fapping episode if I'm too horny. People say I should get laid but I prefer porn.

>>37253883
It's like the whole world is running a fucking marathon, Ray, and I forgot my water bottle at home

>>37253708
>be me
>no friends
>no job ever
>no passion
>constantly thinking about how do I make the people I talk to happy
>wanting to make other people smile so they don't suffer like I do
>wanting to see what's after death but know that i can't kill myself just yet

>>37253883
>>37253936
I miss vinceposting
Why do the good things in life always end

>>37253991
>wanting to see what's after death but know that i can't kill myself just yet
This is basically where I'm at. Something is keeping me here and alive, but I don't have a damn clue what the thing.

>>37254054
Maybe you just want to see what happens next.

>>37253528
I'm going to be spending my summer in a fucking clinic near Vancouver University to test a Hepatitis C Virus Genotype 3 vaccine. This is the only treatment being experimented since the 1970s.
53% chance of dying without medical help if the vaccine worsens cirrhosis, over 78% if I don't get medical help for any collateral.
Technically I'm not supposed to be drinking or smoking. Trying to lower the addiction, I went from Grappa to Orison to Corona to Heineken. Is it worth it to jump from Heineken to Budweiser to make the final steps lighter?

mentally prepare for my eventual death as i have been doing for a while now. i'm obsessed and can't stop thinking of death. i'm mortally terrified and obsessed simultaneously of dying. life is hell and i'm scared death will bring more hell but i still crave death. i'm very conflicted and cognitively dissonant. i hate that i was conceived but i'm here now and i doubt i will ever have the balls to suicide so i just wait. everyday is a day closer so theres that

>>37254149
Ex junkie or baby boomer?

>>37253528
Why do I keep fucking up OP?
Because that is what's on my mind.

>>37254084
You might be onto something here. Maybe I'm just bored of life and want to see what's next. I don't know man. I just want to live in a small house by some big trees where I can take my little girl on hike while my wife watches us and smiles. That's it. That's all I need and all I want out of life.

>>37254297
I live to make people around me happy.
It really makes me glad when I know others around me are happy.
One of the reasons why I'm still alive is so I could see what humanity does in the future.
Do they destroy themselves?
Do they strive?
Do they become galaxy rulers?
It upsets me that I can't see that so I wish for immortality.
It's worse than death but its a very childish dream I have.
I would also like a wife that's a best friend basically.
It sad to know it might not become a reality
but what I do know is that I gain happiness from seeing others smile.

>>37254403
Be careful.
The more light you have in your eyes, the blacker it is when it fades.
I was just like you.

>>37254483
You'd be surprised how I was back in 2016.

>>37253528
I REALLY, REALLY HATE ALL OF THIS

>>37254506
Everything that's been posted in this thread?

>>37254403
I should laugh at you for being this honest on here, but there's something in here I think I can take away. I think I'm blinded right now. I don't know what's blinding me or if I can get rid of it, but I can't help feeling that I'm seeing things wrong.

>>37254560
Honesty can take you a long way.
I'm too blunt with people and I feel like people should know the truth rather than be spoon fed what they want to hear.

>>37253577
Hope? A Pandora box sort of thing. If you're dead there's no chance of anything getting better, even though you know you would never act towards it even if you're alive

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>>37253528
I dont think about my future anymore, it makes my heart hurt.
I just pass the time with drugs and vidya, anime, memes... you know how it is OP.

>>37254726
How do you be happy for other people? I've ceased caring now. I used to be a bit of a contradiction, I would always hold the door open or help with stuff but I would rarely smile or talk. Happiness seems almost naive to me now. However I feel I might just have my head up my ass, Hemingway said happiness was the rarest thing amongst smart people, but that's just jerking yourself off. I don't see many reasons though. Life is much more pain than pleasure, however I was never too much a fan of utilitarianism, but I still feel it

>>37253528
ex told me she lost interest in me a week ago, but I got a call from her last night wanting to show me her new pupper and ask me how I'm doing.

she has no idea what she wants.

>>37255033
I love seeing people laugh, smile, mood change, and just be happy all together.
I care too much about other people that's why I make these threads almost everyday.
I don't feel pity, I don't look at people with petty, I don't degrade people.
I want to help them.
I'm an introvert but when someone starts a conversation with me I can talk hours on hours with them.
The smallest thing I can work with and I love it.
Knowing the person I'm talking to is smiling is enough for me to live another day.

>>37255033
If you can talk to the right person they can change their entire life.
It's insane how that works.

>>37253528
I'm so excited to play video games.
I think my friend is concerned about my mental health and passion for video games that he may possibly be cucked by them. Other than that, I'm getting a cat.

>>37255289
Video games are pretty great.
Fuck anyone who says otherwise

>>37254197
Neither. If what you're wondering is how I got HCV, look up Genotype 3 alone.

>>37255163
Good for you man. I'm not so amicable. I tolerate people but don't really "like" most of them. Head is probably up my own ads but oh well.

Another thing, read a fact about this kkk guy who was threatening a rabbi. The rabbi instead showed him kindness and offered to drive places for him. If it were me in that situation, I would just consider the other guy a retard for being in the klan, and cease caring. There are some people I just see as stupid, I'm like you're stupid, and no longer care. However I have fallen in love with a girl who used to do drugs before. Why don't I like the former option of kindness? I guess if someone shows themselves as idiotic I just don't care?

I know these are questions that only I can answer. However, even self reflection requires a mirror. I'm just so conflicted all the time

>>37255540
By 2060 you could emulate everything from 2050 down for free. And by that yime you'll wish you had your youth rather than having spent it playing games.

Not ripping on you, just a perspective worth consideration

>>37255684
I don't expect to live past 40 so being alive during that time will most likely never happen.

>>37255733
Welp I hope you go out in a blaze of glory I spose

>>37254888
That's a weird way of looking at hope, but that might be it.

>>37255657
Like I said my man, you just need to talk to the right person.

They can help you open up.

>>37253528
How do you guys deal with how mundane life is?
Ill probably end up making doors or putting together coke machines or some other boring thing.
If I could do anything I guess I would want to research aging, but I lack the motivation and have no skills.

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>>37253528
This thread:
>Whats on your mind, Anon?
>Suicide.
People go a little more in depth than this and thick soupy feels are a factor, but

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>>37253805
Dude this hits home so hard tge brick walls collapsed

>>37256046
Everytime I make this thread people tend to do this.

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>>37254029
First result on Google images Origganeigh

>>37253528
Been straight all my life I've been straight but recently I've fallen madly in love with my best friend he's straight but I love him so much that I'd do anything for him I'm scared he might find out he's not good in these situations and would probably start avoiding me but I don't want to lose him I've been friends with him since 4th grade and I don't know why I've been so attracted to him lately does some gay stuff like he acts feminine ands has told me he wants to wear women's clothes. I don't know what to do.

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>>37254173
Well anon its possible reincarnation is a thing, there can't be nothing after death and eternity probably doesn't exist, same with hell.

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>>37253528
My friends birthday party is tomorrow. I dont think im going to go because he's a stoner and im not so it'd be really awkward. I dont want to let him down though. Also i think i have feelings for a chick that i have no chance with.

>>37253528
>I don't want to sleep, but i have to prepare for work in six hours.
>If i don't go to bed now, i'll feel drowsy in three, giving me only two hours of sleep after i brush my teeth and arrange the house before going to bed.
>What should i prepare to take for lunch break tomorrow? Rice and eggs or eggs and rice?
>I should get my tonsils removed.
>Am i bothering her by texting her between days? Should i invite her to go out this week? Where am i in her mind and heart? I'm sure i'm about to do something and she won't talk to me again.
>I want to reply to some posts.

>>37256239
Go with him somewhere else earlier that day to congratulate him. Tell him you can't go because reasons. Get on with your life; there's a lot of women you can try our luck with.

>>37256215
Don't think with your dick. Keep that friendship strong and you'll see you will have a deeper bond with him. You'll scare him with a confession, but don't lie to yourself.

>>37255883
Reading and taking walks out in the night helps.

there's got to be something wrong with me. I can't remember the last time I felt good about my life. every woman I've ever spoken to wishes I would commit suicide. they're all disgusted by me. I've stopped even thinking about girls in a sexual way because every time I think about them I feel horrible. I know they all hate me. they think I'm a creep. today I sneezed and a girl told be bless you. it was the first time I can remember a girl has told me that. she turned around as she said it and met my eyes and gave me a disgusted look but tried to hide it.
I'm so afraid of and nauseated by sex and physical contact it's affecting my schoolwork. a girl brushed my hand a few weeks ago and I had an instant boner. my only friend was telling me about the girls he's banging and I was seeing black spots I was so nauseated. even now the thought of sex makes me afraid. when someone touched me I shiver and move away as fast as possible.

>>37256239
Is this nipland? What's with them and power line imagery?

Can't find the pic but wanted to post the bent power line from eva that visually foreshadows what happens to asuka

>>37256524
Why do you think of sex and girls so existentially? Do you not recognize that your meaning in life is subjective?
They are not some end all be all meaning of life shit. You are deifying them

>>37256524
Do you work out? You should if you don't.
And i don't mean it for the physical appearance. Having a healthy body can help your self-esteem, especially when you are aware of what your body is capable of and how much can you push it as you train and improve.
Try to go to a gym or wake up and go for a jog three or four times a week. Sounds like what a chad would say, but it can help you, even if a little.

>>37256509
Yeah reading might help. I guess I need something to progress in after work. I guess part of growing up is losing that wonder. Walking around in the woods used to be an adventure, I mean I could go do something in the future. I could travel somewhere or scooba dive. But then it all feels so planned out and there's no spontaneity. Humanity has already explored so much. We could do space but that's just a bunch of boring math. Then I think on what's important and it looks like math really. The only important things are boring. There's a part of me that deeply respects advancement, but another part that had a blast just throwing rocks off a quarry and hearing them go boom with my friends. Maybe I'm just bored and need some excitement. I don't really know what I want.
How did I get here from reading? Jdimsa

>>37256533
Idk what nipland is but i think the pic was taken in Japan.

>>37256669
Nipland = Japan, since the Japanese call it Nippon iirc

nothing I say or do will ever feel genuine and unpretentious enough to feel satisfying to me. every action ever taken in my life has been the result of agonizing over whether the action was being taken for a genuinely good reason or out of a desire to appear good to others. Therefore it is impossible for me to present my most genuine self to anyone, including myself.

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>>37256688
Oh thanks anon. Have a pepe

>>37256636
Work really makes you see life as something repetitive and senseless. But we need to make a living.
Not long ago i started reading during lunch breaks and at home. It's incredible to rediscover books i skimmed through during highschool and gett a better understanding of them. Who would have thought reading Robinson Crusoe would make me pick up the Bible?
I think what's important in this case is filling the void with something meaningful for you that you won't drop halfway and that makes you grow. Booze and drugs can numb for body and mind, but taking swimming lessons and relaxing at the sauna can do that as well.

>>37256797
You're welcome anon. Thanks for the pepe, I've never seen that one before

>>37256509
I don't want to have sex with him I want a relationship I want to hold him and house him and cuddle with him and have him fall asleep in my arms. I'm not thinking with my dick I'm thinking with my heart.

>>37253528
same
I plan on getting my motorcycle license and going to visit my grandparents and just travel around a bit
it's either that or work and i hate working

>>37256871
Are you the anon that wants to put secret feminine pills in his food

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I know I really need to get a job, but I don't know where. My old place was okay, but I still get minimum wage after years of being there, and most of the people there are younger than me now. The job hunt is just fucking stressful and annoying

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>>37253528
I've been pretty apathetic lately, and I have been wondering what to do about it. Things I used to find fun or exciting no longer interest me, and seeing people I care about does not make me happy anymore. This has been happening periodically for many years now, each time eventually passing, but it is an unpleasant experience that I would rather end nonetheless.

I read somewhere that the key to banishing apathy is comprehension, but as much as I try to think about what that may mean for me, I get no results.

>>37256959
No? That's evil? Why would someone do that?

>>37257028
Sounds a bit guilty if you ask me

>>37253528
I don't know. Let me ask the brain.

I don't feel attached to anything. I am not connected. I don't wish to express anything because there's nothing to learn or gain or share that's worth it to me. I am neither here nor there, not anywhere, just silently rotting away at the seams with each passing day with no direction. Aimless and without purpose. I don't understand what it means to have ambition or desire for longer than the moment. All of my base desires come and go. I subsist on instant gratification habits and rituals and I don't even enjoy them. Pleasure is fleeting if any at all. I can't create my own meaning or follow any existing logic. I want to create sometimes when I have a vision and to birth it into existence, but there's no reason to once the vision reaches fruition in my own mind. If I try to recreate it in reality it will just be a second rate product. If I stagnate on it too long my perfectionist tendencies will stain my memory of it. I'll grow sick of it and reshape it until I can no longer stand to create at all. Lose the feeling. Best not to linger too long. It makes me feel alone not being able to connect, but not lonely. Just a lot of helplessness in the moment. It dulls the moment knowing I am the only one experiencing my world when it has it's better moments. When I try swimming in somebody else's world I can only think of my own and I can't feel what they feel. I want to share my world because I am starved for connection but the only thing that's consistently apparent in my expression is that very starvation, which is something I don't want to express. Trying to understand, can't quite understand. Fuck it.

>>37256817
Makes sense. Thanks anon.
But I guess it shouldn't be too lofty. I'll probably never be able to research aging. But internet I guess. Still don't know what to make of dreams and Death of a Salesman. Maybe I need to re-read that. It's nice and short anyway.

>>37257013
Fuck dude be careful. I squandered college with that. Be honest with the people around you and maybe do some reading? Im still not out myself.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=784Qdy8YeJ4

>>37257188
There was never any reason to live, so why be bothered by it now?

I feel the lack of drive but not the starvation so much. The only opinion of me that matters is my own. I know that's just validation though. Connection is a different game. However it takes two to tango, so it's not exactly like that's my fault. Or are you just musing on how we will technically always be alone? Never inhabiting another consciousness but our own? Would the alternative be that much better though?

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>>37253528
these past two weeks, i haven't been able to shake this odd, debilitating feeling. i've been 'depressed' (i've seen psychologists for ages with no formal diagnosis) for years, but recently i've been completely unable to stick to goals, write music, enjoy what i normally enjoy, or focus in conversation.

from an early age i've been called ugly and women are disgusted by me (i'm on the right in the image). now that i've graduated school i've been saving up for plastic surgery and theres no way i'm going to save $30,000 this year from just playing street music. i don't know what to do.

i took a gap year so i could finish my EP project and it's nearly done, but i feel so hideous and the music seems so commercial now that i've made it, that i don't think i'll WANT to release it in december like i planned. here's the lead single if ur curious anon streamable dot com slash 75ojh

i just really want to be blonde with blue eyes, and have a more defined, gaunt face like kurt cobain. i started a band recently but i know it's gonna be complete dogshit if i don't learn how to write good punk like cobain very soon. here's us practicing, the bassist quit soon afterwards but i've got a drummer now streamable dot com slash ifiah

and on top of all of that, i'm feeling really starved emotionally. i hang out with friends but i just don't feel any pleasure from it anymore. i've never met a girl that i was attracted to physically that had any kind of mutual understanding with me. it's made me so cynical, but i'm not frustrated at that, i'm frustrated that i can't meet anyone i'm drawn to anymore. it seems like the closer to the end of the rope i get, the longer it was the whole time.

sorry for the tantrum anon but it's nice to vent. i hope you enjoy your summer, it's nearly winter in australia and it's getting cosy d:^)

>>37253528
I've decided I'm going to make a terrible life choice and buy a car I can't afford with a student loan.
I've already come to terms with how this is going to impact my life once I graduate college.

>>37258055
Is it a nice car? Or one you need?

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>tfw go to brothel
>couldn't get it up
>somehow leave the brothel less of a man than when I entered
Feels pathetic man. How can I avoid this next time?

>>37258031
Elliot is that you?
I didn't know you had a mixtape

>>37253528
My autism, overall.

>>37258100
Were you drunk?
When was the last time you fapped?
Too much porn?

>>37258124
I was drunk and fapped that day. Possibly too much porn. Should I go nofap for a couple of days then go?

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>>37253528
My sister is coming home from a long trip in a far-off country this summer. She became a mother on this trip, and she's bringing the baby home with her. I'm scared but excited to meet him.
I think she's been planning on coming home for good, leaving the baby's father behind and staying back at home instead of moving back to him. This is exciting for me because I'm slowly starting to accept myself as a gay man, and this would give me an excuse to never have to have a child. I can just be a great god damn uncle to this baby and be there for my sister.
Maybe I can pay for him to go to college.

>>37253528
I've been worrying a lot about how it's getting kind of bothersome that I haven't had a girlfriend or lost my virginity or even kissed by now. I'm 19.

I see people around who did both those things at age 13 and it fills me with rage and jealousy.

Also im worried about college and if I will have friends this time around

>>37258111
yeah i usually get that, i'm half asian too. he was an interesting fella

>>37258163
I would try noporn rather

>>37258325
Its better to try than to deal with lingering regret

>time to ask for letters of recommendations: will I piss off my professors by asking?
>will I get accepted to a med school this time?
>cousin's wedding next month. biggest family event in whole year, if not decade. already being "pre-reprimanded" by mother for potentially being impolite. will have to deal with relatives' invasive questions and criticisms.

At least it will be the last family wedding for a while. I just want to get it over with. I already know my mom will be displeased no matter what I do since there's no way I can give a satisfactory answer to any of my relatives' questions.