Psychological Issues #68

hello lads, another day we suffered through.
for what?

>>37220750

For the pleasure of talking with you again.

Hey guys.

How's everyone doing?

>>37220784
you're cheerful as usual, good to see you in good mental and hopefully physical condition.
i might stop posting for a while, don't see a point in shitposting anymore.

>>37220893
another boring day, boring thoughts, boring news, boring bedtimes.
what about you new friend, how was your day?

>>37220950
Not great, every day is pretty much same now. I wake up, make breakfast, cofee, play vidya, have lunch, study, study, study, come here for a few hours, play vidya/study, go to sleep.

Most interesting thing in past few day was that my nose started bleeding yesterday for no reason, got me spooked a bit.

>>37221022
>my nose started bleeding yesterday for no reason

Was it after you blew it?

Are you going to ignore me again, Nick?

>>37221055

I have never ignored you.

>>37221049
nope, it just started randomly before I wnt to bed, must have been about 1 AM

>>37221108
Pretty much 10/10 horror movie material

>>37221106
Well, wrong or right, it's been my default assumption since you didn't answer the question I put to you in email.

>>37220653
Hey Nick. I want to talk to you more about my condition.

>>37221155

That's because I haven't reached your e-mail yet, Meta. I only got home now, I cried for 15 minutes, I opened the thread, I opened my e-mail, and I'm now reading and answering everyone who wrote me.

You do know I work a full time job and have my own issues, right? I don't ignore people; if I have a problem with them, I say so.

>>37221193

Go right aheadd.

>>37221155
>>37221197
He's right Meta, he's told me that he doesn't like me many times, or at least the times where he's had a problem with me.

>>37221197
Yes, I know that. But my own issues enable me only to envision the worst. Plus, your involvement in the threads and when you send emails don't always perfectly correspond, which adds to my negative theorizing.

>>37221130
That shit happens man. I don't think it's anything to worry about.

>>37221236
In your own words, why might someone not like you?

>>37221228
Well, I don't really feel like I am conscious, and I see people as objects to interact with. I've also realized that the reason why I don't do the terrible things to people is that I don't want to get caught. I'm just waiting for the opportunity.

>>37221267
Hey.
Yeah, im sure it's nothing. I'd be scared if it happened reagulary but it's very rare for me.
It's just pretty spooky when youre half asleep and suddenly theres blood everywhere on your face

>>37221282
Nick doesn't like me (at certain times), because I'm an abusive, cold, asshole.

>>37221310
Sounds pretty a reasonable reason to me, Eh.

>>37221307
>It's just pretty spooky when youre half asleep and suddenly theres blood everywhere on your face
Oh yeah, no question there. It happens to me quite often (at least a couple times a month), not sure why, it was the same with my grandmother. So I'm used to it.

Also, did you end up going to the concert in saturday?

>>37221261
>But my own issues enable me only to envision the worst

I know, and this is something you must work on.

>Plus, your involvement in the threads and when you send emails don't always perfectly correspond, which adds to my negative theorizing.

Depending on what happens in the thread, I'll focus on the e-mails, and vice versa.

>>37221282
>In your own words, why might someone not like you?

Because he verbally abused his partner to break his own boredom. In the beginning, things of that nature made me have a dislike for him.

Condolences to everyone affected by the Manchester incident.

>>37221321
An example of him getting mad at me is, in a recent thread when he was arguing with Dan, I tried to make a joke, but Nick didn't appreciate it at all. I'll tell you the joke if you want to read it.

>>37221363
Admit it, you still don't really like me. You just tolerate me.

>>37221370
What's the Manchester incident?

>>37221351
Nope, I felt like total shit that whole day.
Pretty much just tried not to throw up for some reason. It was really bad.
Almost cried for a while but never really got there.
Not my proudest moments really

>>37221363
I genuinely am trying to work on it. I don't think you're particularly fond of the practice, at least as applied to yourself, but I intend to get back into mindfulness meditation. I was only able to do seven minutes today, but I want to sit for ten more before I sleep tonight. Right now, I've been drinking but I think I will be able to manage it later. I used to find it pretty helpful.

>>37221438
Wait are you the fatty?

>>37221433
A bomb exploded in a Manchester's concert yesterday night. Also hi everyone

>>37221493
Hello. What does a Frenchman eat all day?

>>37221451
Well Im the one getting bullied every day here but Im not exactly fatty
I have quite a "beer belly" tho and Im pissed I cant force myself to start working out again

>>37221508
Cheap student shit. Pastas, lentills, rice, potato mashup. And ramen when too depressed to cook.

>>37221493
Hello. That sucks.

>>37221285

Which is terrifying in itself. Do you fail at imagining being in other people's shoes?

>>37221523
So, you're the one that's supposed to be motivated by the bullying?

>>37221389
>I'll tell you the joke if you want to read it.

I don't remember it. Go right ahead.

>>37221416

It's less a matter of admitting anything than it is of knowing what I actually think, and since I don't know you much, there's nothing to admit. I don't "tolerate" you, and every time I have been nice to you or asked questions or talked to you, it was in earnest.

>>37221493
>yesterday night

You can't say that, because of the day/night oxymoron. Say "yesterday evening" or "last night".

>>37221546
I can imagine seeing from their prospective in a literal sense, and I can understand what effects them, but I don't know what else you mean by this.

>>37221523
Just reduce the calorie intake perhaps? /fit/ sticky, all that

>>37221571
How many people do send you mails? How come you spend so much time after your full time work with, I asumme, kids, to talk about other's people problems? It's really fascinating.

>>37221585
Will try to remember, thanks

>>37221571
That was mostly a joke.

>>37221438
Why did you feel this way? Do you often get these mental states?

I don't know how to get angry at people who deserve it. Even when I feel annoyed by someone, nothing will come out. I never yell at anyone or start fights.
How do I become someone angrier?

>>37221654
What sort of things are people doing that you feel you ought to be mad at?

>>37221654
what can you tell me about your selfsteem

>>37221523
>I cant force myself to start working out again

If all you want is lose weight, working out is optional. Count your calories as you eat them, figure out your ceiling, and eat under that. Guaranteed to work because that's how your body works.

>>37221571
The joke is as follows:
Blues was saying something about how if I call my girlfriend fat everyday she's more likely to develop an eating disorder.

I said something along the lines of, "That's a great idea! I'm so glad that you suggested this! It was another joke.

Hi Nick and everyone else, first time in one of these threads.

I had an extremely shitty upbringing. I was molested by my mother twice and beaten by my father for any and every reason (once for not saying hello to him, I didn't even hear him) Both parents are drug addicts and dad is bad alcoholic as well.

>How can i move forward from this?
It eats at me everyday and i think it's the main reason i have mental problems. I was diagnosed with severe aggravated deppression (aka mixed mania) and anxiety. I smoked weed and drank alcohol through out my teens and into my 20s (24 now) I did that to escape reality.

When i was 21 my friend with ADHD gave me one of his Ridelin tablets. Me and my friends all took 1 each. For the first time in my life i felt normal when taking it. there was no brain fog, i could speak clearly and with confidence and hold eye contact i was also very motivated to do things.
At 22 i tried meth and it was the same thing, I just felt normal after taking it.
I never got any addictive feeling or withdrawals from both.

>How can i tell a doctor that stimulants make me normal without coming across as a drug addict that's doctor shopping.

>>37221616
I'd like to but when I feel bad I just eat random crap or dont eat at all so its hard to watch it

>>37221645
I dont really know, maybe it was the stress, maybe because I was angry at my friends for bailing, maybe just the whole sadness

It happens few times a month. Used to happen more often but it got better I think.

>>37221616
>How many people do send you mails?

Not that many. But they can be long.

>>37221616
>How come you spend so much time after your full time work with, I asumme, kids

I work with people aged 9 ro 20 in general. I don't have many people left in my life, so the thread serves as a social connection for me; it's become a habit by now.

>>37221625

My answer still stands.

>>37221654

Is this because you don't want to be like your parent(s)?

>>37221604
Alright fatass. Hurry up and get rid of the gut. Does this help?

>>37221695

I don't remember it that way. I remember you saying you called your girlfriend fat every day as a way to motivate her, and I remember saying that it wouldn't motivate her at all.

I remember your sarcastic response to Blues or me, but this had nothing to do with me not liking a "joke". Sometimes I find jokes lame and don't kek at them, but I'll still have something to say about the issue at stake.

>>37221768
Dont know. It has been just a few days, not really enough to get me angry about it and start doing something.

>>37221681
>What sort of things are people doing that you feel you ought to be mad at?
Things a normal person should be angry at. For instance insulting or physically harming me or my loved ones. I get internally angry, but for whatever reason I can't speak up or do anything.

>>37221683
>what can you tell me about your selfsteem
It's higher than average.

>>37221792
The first paragraph is true, but I responded to Blues, and you said that you wanted to slap me.

>>37221723
>there was no brain fog

You got rid of derealisation using Ritalin? I take good note.

And meth?

Do tell your doctor because I'm not sure this works the same way on everyone. That said, there are many cases where being "upped" will make you normal. Consider this: if your brain is slowed down, everything around you will become faster. If your brain is "sped up", everything around you will be slower, not faster.

>>37221809
That sounds more like an asset than a negative attribute, unless it's causing you to get walked all over.

>>37221803
Then just give up you fat piece of shit.

>>37221809
>it's higher than average

Can we trade some? I know a couple of people that need it around me.

>>37221746
>Is this because you don't want to be like your parent(s)?
My parents never get angry either. There's never any fights at home.

>>37221828
>you said that you wanted to slap me.

Not for your response to Blues, for calling your partner fat every day.

>>37221809
>physically harming me or my loved ones.
Does this actually happen or are you just imagining it hypothetically? Because if you're really allowing this, that certainly is no asset.

>>37221850
Dont really feel like it m8

>>37221809
>It's higher than average.
when you're not getting angry: do you have to control yourself or it simply doesnt happen
also, if it just doesnt happen: do you feel you have to act superior. ie not getting angry because thats what a normal person would do

>>37221850

I don't think that's going to help. Facet does it, but it's a thing between the two of them, and when Facet does it, you can tell he doesn't mean any real harm. Whereas you, it just sounds like you found a way to be a cunt to someone else without being looked upon as a cunt for it.

You're transparent to me.

>>37221858
It's how you were raised. You can get over it, but you were brought up to be calm. Just start yelling at people that make you mad. Start with road rage.

>>37221858

Do you even know how to get angry?

>>37221865
Oh, I thought that it was about the joke I made, because you even replied to the post that was my joke.

>>37221906
>Just start yelling at people that make you mad. Start with road rage.

That'd never work.

Controlling your own anger is a good thing, but this has more to do with personal boundaries. Traumyo may not feel like he deserves to be defended, by himself or others, thus he doesn't get upset much.

>>37221885
Well, there's no helping you from here then. Good luck in finding the motivation to do it.

>>37221928

Sarcasm isn't a joke to me. And no, it was the insulting your partner that made me want to slap your shit. In doubt, just ask.

>>37221846
>unless it's causing you to get walked all over
It is, and I have some anger bottled up or repressed. I want to be more healthy than that.

>>37221901
I don't mean it. I also figured that there was a chance that it seemed serious, but given the context of the previous posts, I'd say that one might be able to infer that there was no real intention of malice.

>>37221994

The problem isn't anger or being able to feel it, since you feel it. The problem is defending yourself, placing your boundaries before those of others.

Have you been taught to value yourself to the point of defending yourself correctly? Who intruded on your boundaries without a reaction from you? Who were the first people to do things you didn't like while you didn't do anything to prevent it?

>>37221994
Can you be more specific? A particular instance where your failure to be motivated by anger resulted in harm to yourself or others?

>>37222005
>I don't mean it.

You obviously liked saying it, otherwise you wouldn't have.

I don't yet believe in your no-strings-attached benevolence.

>>37221934
Eh, I figured it was worth a shot.
I'm not talking to myself.

>>37222037
>it was worth a shot.

You know what's worth a shot?

My parents.

>>37221950
Okay. It was just a bit confusing since you responded to the joke post.

I have to say that I have been waiting for this thread to come up for the past two days, and that I, after five years, felt a sense of belonging with a group of people.

All thanks to you.

>>37222036
That's fine. I just wanted to see the result of the post.

>>37221844
>You got rid of derealisation using Ritalin?

Just had to google that word and that's exactly what i mean by brain fog, Yes when the Ritalin started working the derealisation went away. Same thing with Meth but that also gave me a euphoric as well. Even though both drugs made me feel normal and happy within 30 minutes and i could easily get both i never got addicted or felt any signs of addiction which makes me believe that drugs like these are made for me and will help me. I also never felt the need for compulsive movements (skin scratching, face picking) on meth and i even still had an appitite and could sleep (not much but i still could).

I feel extremely nervous about telling doctors I'm a drug user and feel they might mark me as a drug user/doctor shopper.
This fear of doctors might come from when i was 13 and went for a kidney operation and the doctor forgot to sow my kidney back up causing me more operations.

Both meth and Ritalin made me feel more normal than high.

>>37222069
We're glad to read this Frenchy, or at least I'm glad.

>>37222069
Feels great to belong somewhere doesn't it?
>>37222053
Sorry I'm late, how's the day?

>>37222067

Are you even sure I did? Things seemed fairly straightforward to me at the time.

>>37222069

Our family is growing. Glad you're here.

>>37222133

Murder, no. Facial theft via bullet, yes.

>>37222148

This makes me literally want to ask my therapist to harass her psychiatrist workmate to get me Ritalin for shits and giggles. Fuck.

I'd love for that to work. Thank you for sharing that.

>>37221899
>do you have to control yourself or it simply doesnt happen
It doesn't happen. At best I feel slightly pissed off but it fades right away.
>do you feel you have to act superior. ie not getting angry because thats what a normal person would do
No, I hate being like that. Normal people don't react to abuse with apathy. Besides, I'm self-conscious about it. Sometimes it's socially required to get angry, when a friend gets hurt or something. People get angry at me for not being angry. Ironically.

>>37222205
>Are you even sure I did?
I'm certain.

>>37221908
>Do you even know how to get angry?
I assumed it just happened on its own. Anger is an emotion.

>>37222240
You have to be offended to be angry. You said you have a high self esteem, yes?

>>37221906
Home is very calm indeed. Maybe inanimate objects first. I don't want to get into a fight if I can't follow through.

>>37222265
That's perfectly understandable.

>>37222213
hmmm you could go to a psychologist and directly tell him/her you want to work on your assertiveness. you dont exactly need to get angry to not be walked over but you do need assertiveness. what did your parents do when you did something "wrong". the reason i say that is because you say they dont get mad either. how do they disciplined you?

>>37222291
Let me just see this epic get.
>>37222222

>>37222240
>Anger is an emotion.

Anger, yes, but getting angry, no. When I teach, I feel anger coming up, and I decide to act on it or not. Very dangerous tool to use in the classroom, as it can backfire on you and fuck you up for years if you fail at using your anger.

I have my anger under control all the time, but I can tap into it if necessary. When a class pisses me off, I channel all my anger in one swift, brutal gesture I'm known for: I slam my open hand on one of my textbooks, causing a monstrous sound and shocking the entire classroom, especially those who didn't see it coming. This stops any and all activity in the classroom, at which point I deliver the speech, always improvised, always perfectly delivered. I can never retell what I said in those moments afterwards.

That's anger well used, but you must remain in control of it, and not controlled by it.

>>37222264
>You have to be offended to be angry.

There are many other reasons to be angry, not sure you know them, though.

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Hey Atlas you fat fuck, is it true you'd eat anything for a dollar? That's gross man. No wonder you're so tubby given that you spend every dollar you get on more food! You putting into the economy motherfucker, you!

Just got out of shower, did I miss anything?

Good thing: managed to force myself to atleast shover after few days

Bad thing: did it only to not look like a homeless guy when Ill go buy cigs. Havent smoked in a few days and its starting to feel really really bad

Not much of a different reason to go out now.
Havent shaved for weeks too, same with haircut.
Don't really feel like doing anything about it.

>>37222351
I see I returned right on time

>>37222307

Thanks for sharing.

>>37222351

That's such elaborate bullying as to virtually sound like a compliment in how much time and effort you put in for Atlas.

>>37222018
>Have you been taught to value yourself to the point of defending yourself correctly?
Yes, at some point I was even scared of going outside due to my mother's lectures about stranger danger.

>Who were the first people to do things you didn't like while you didn't do anything to prevent it?
My middle school teachers said I should specialize in maths courses. I hated the idea and agreed with them.

>>37222377
They will probably only get more elaborate as time goes on.

>>37222376
You're welcome, and yes that 2 seconds apart was nice

>>37222348
You would be correct to assume this, but from what it sounds like traumyo just wants to be offended, then take action.

>>37222352
Hey, that's what I did and will be doing.
Are you me from a different timeline?

>>37222377
To me, it was a really disappointing get.

>>37222402
Maybe theres some paranormal shit going on in this thread

>>37222386
>Yes, at some point I was even scared of going outside due to my mother's lectures about stranger danger.

That's not learning how to defend yourself, that's learning how to fear the world, which makes things worse.

Learning to value yourself looks like something completely different. I doubt your parents did it.

> I hated the idea and agreed with them.

See "people-pleaser," this may be you.

>>37222393
>from what it sounds like traumyo just wants to be offended, then take action.

I doubt that's what he meant.

I figured most of your anger comes from feeling disrespected by other people.

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>tfw hugging a pillow tightly because of the crushing need to have some physical contact

>>37222033
I stayed with a physically abusive boyfriend for over a year without ever defending myself or accepting any help from others. Thankfully he ended up dumping me so I got away from him in the end.

hey all, how're things rolling?

>>37222454
You would be correct to assume this. Psychic Nick is psychic.

>>37222456

Used to have physical contact every night for years. When you stop, cold turkey, it hurts with a vengeance.

>>37222264
>You said you have a high self esteem, yes?
I do. I can get offended, but I don't act on it. The feeling dies down very fast and I forget about why I should be angry in the first place. Suddenly it seems like a waste of energy that's not motivated by anything special.

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>>37222456
I get this feel sometimes. I'm usually out in public though. Pic related.

Oh, I don't know if you checked back over the thread last night Nick but there was some confusion over whether my brother might have bveen caught up in the terrorist attack. Thankfully he was fine though, so nothing to worry about.

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>>37222485
Wonder what's the worst: never having any, or losing it

Ffs I feel like avatarfagging today

>>37222456
10/10 can relate

The worst thing is that when you have it, it just seems so normal you dont care.

Literally just said no to a jacuzzi invitation with only women.

Life is surprising.

>>37222475
Things are good. How are you York?

>>37222523
I do when I'm feeling down

I'm feeling down when I'm alone, isolated.

Easy way to fix is to see people, right? Except that your pals don't live in the same city as you, or simply work. Meh.

>>37222467

People-please, Richard Grannon, YouTube, go.

It'll help a lot.

>>37222483
>You would be correct to assume this. Psychic Nick is psychic.

The prophecy is unfolding. I was born to suffer and help others. Top cool.

>>37222475
Seems to be a rolling thread today.
>>37222531
Losing it is definitly worse. With not knowing you don't understand how it feels to trust someone like that.

>>37222521
Oh, so I was wrong. I figured I was.

>>37222299
>how do they discipline you?
They made me do extra homework, took away my pocket money, things like that. If I did something serious, they had a normal conversation with me about it, explaining why what I was doing was wrong and what could be the consequences of my actions.

>>37222529

Damn... I heard of this on the radio and wondered about LO. They didn't mention where it was until the end of the news. Fuckers.

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>>37222536
You just prefered us

Kudos to you

We're better than vaginas on legs hehehehhehuhee

>>37222536
Jesus Christ Nick.

>>37222456
a million times this! i regularly touch people as part of my job, not sure if it help or just taunts me.

>>37222542
im feeling better, work helps me get out of my head. thanks for asking

>>37222531
>Wonder what's the worst: never having any, or losing it

Both are shit. I've known both and hate both.

Having had it and lost remains better because you know it's possible, and if it's possible to have once, you can have it again, in theory.

So there's that.

>>37222475
Hi York not too bad, listening to an Eliot Rodger music tastes playlist because why not, it being St Eliot's Day and this being /r9k/

>>37222590
Yeah, the arena runs right over the train station he would have been to. There were two trains he could have been on, and he went with the earlier one. If he'd gone for the later one he could have been caught up in it all. Might have been nice if he'd let me know rather than not responding until 0230 but there we are.

>>37222536
That must be hell of a willpower

>>37222536
But why though? What was the reason?
>>37222589
But how did that work?

>>37222565
That's too bad.
Bad feel feels bad.

>>37222529
Glad everything turned out okay

>>37222616
I'm glad to see it York.

>>37222536
Reminds me of that one time we were in a jacuzzi with women from work and suddenly this 60 year old fat german tourist "joined" us. Boy was that awkward.

>>37222674
Thanks man, definitely a relief.

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>>37222589
Sounds like excellent parenting from my pov. Better than receiving a plastic loader from a water pistol on your head because you somehow made your mother angry.

>>37222581
Yeah. I never got intimate with anyone yet unfortunately. I can't really relate, I just know I crave the experience.

>>37222619
Can't wait to experience it to lose it again to experience losing it /o/

>>37222653
Ikr. This just feels like what I went through three years ago, being a neet with no one to be around.

/blog

>>37222594

It's for tomorrow. I'll be there, but dressed and not wet.

>>37222604

Don't worry, I'll be there, might even get drunk and cry in public, who knows. Whatever happens I don't give a fuck much anymore.

>>37222708
It sucks. You lay your heart out for someone and all they do is try and destroy it.
>>37222727
Bring something to wear to get in, get "convinced" to get it. the water can hide the tears

>>37222727
Well if what you said about depressed men is true, then expect to get all the pussy. Just try not to cry in the act though.

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>>37222727
We aren't better than women

>>37222619

>Having had it and lost remains better because you know it's possible

Wish I could say this is true. It's what I've been thinking for about a year.
After that the possibilityy just became more and more distant.
And look at me now, deperessed robot with zero connection to any woman at all.
I think I lost hope for this and good things in general a long time ago.

>>37222708
That sounds pretty shitty. You sound very lonely.

>>37222630
>Might have been nice if he'd let me know rather than not responding until 0230 but there we are.

Why didn't he fucking contact you first? That's what anyone would do in this situation.

>>37222878
He's extremely thoughtless and somehow didn't assume that I'd be among the first to know thanks to this website, and also didn't check his phone because after all, surely nothing significant would be going on.

>>37222828
Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

I'm asking because I remember being like you, but I also remember passing this phase and turning more angry and insane instead of just sad and depressed.

>>37222630
took me a couple of seconds to remember who that was before i laughed out loud.

>>37222696
i really needed that, appreciation without performance!

>>37222727
i thought jacuzzi parties with only women and a single man didnt exist outside of a teenagers wet dreams..

>>37222640

No. It's mostly because I don't feel like becoming the focal point of 5 women staring at my body, for one, and that I don't like being exposed physically, for two.

Once you've known true love, everything else becomes minor and unimportant.

>>37222828
>And look at me now, deperessed robot with zero connection to any woman at all. I think I lost hope for this and good things in general a long time ago.

Why are you talking about me like this? Its too true.

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>>37222770
Fortunately my LDR didn't do that, but I consider myself to be in a rather exceptional situation on that part.

>>37222727
On a different topic Nick, you've read my mail(s), and I wonder how you would baptise me if I didn't pick the Frenchy trip

>>37222838
I am, yeah. I'm still trying to destroy some habits from the neet era, and albeit I can socialize normally and even be in the center of attention, the fact I have almost no empathy or derealisation/depersonalisation don't really help me getting that close to people IRL.

Well, I'm sorting them out already, I know I'm picky but I still can spend time with acquaintances that don't have a lot of common topics with me. Hard to relate to people that can't understand how blunted feelings works, even when you do explain it.

Ah and thanks, hearing someone telling my situation is shit lifts my mood a bit. It's always nice to know I don't make things up

>>37222770

I've considered the idea.

>>37222804

It would be depressing to get any woowoo. I'm getting the impression that I'm seductive without trying to be. My therapist told me, "I'm sure you have no problems with women," or something to that effect.

>Hey anon, you wanna dance?
>Sorry, I only dance with the music.

>>37222806

I'm making max efforts to socialise so I don't hang myself. Being around people helps a lot, even if it's not always the people you'd like to be with. I like most of them, though, so that's cool.

It's a barbecue, so I'm bringing my sausage.

>>37222912
19

>>37222920
I wasn't being that much serious. Honesly i wouldnt go out with 5 women even if they payed me to.
With my low self-esteen It's hard for me to be around even a single girl.

>>37222828

Consider my situation: surrounded by women, appreciated by virtually all of them, nowhere near happier than you.

>>37223010
How come one become attractive without any intention in doing so though? It interests me.

>>37222910

Your brother is a top tier fuckhead. Such a lack of empathy is beyond pathological. It's criminal at this point.

>>37222959
If you feel like you're in a shitty situation, you probably are. I also might have depersonalisation/derealisation and no empathy. Could you explain the symptoms you're experiencing.

>>37222647
>But how did that work?
It mainly taught me how to ignore the rules.

>>37222959
>that, but I consider myself to be in a rather exceptional situation on that part.
Mind elaborating?
>>37222963
Just go and let go ov everything Nick. Or if you can't, compartmentalize your brain, and put your true emotions there and simply enjoy sensations.

>>37223057
In the same position I'd probably just screw whoever. I've always regretted it when I've turned people down, just because those are experiences that I denied myself needlessly. So my life is just a couple of points less rich. A few additional % off having tried everything.

>>37223087
He's just dozy. He can be so thoughtless at times it's untrue.

>>37222914
>i thought jacuzzi parties with only women and a single man didnt exist outside of a teenagers wet dreams..

Apparently they exist in my life, now. I think the organiser wants in my pants too, in a romantic way, though I can't confirm. I'm notoriously unable to detect when a woman wants me, or used to be. I thought they were just being polite and thought I was cool for conversations. Not so. My new standards tell me I'm being actively hunted.

I think I turned down the jacuzzi for everyone else too, though... That thing requires early heating.

>>37223010
Kek, a sorry, sad player dancing in a club while crying. That's what I imagined.

>>37223142
Fucking anime protagonist. That picture you post now and then is actually a photo and you're baiting us all from the 2D realm, aren't you?

>>37222959
>On a different topic Nick, you've read my mail(s), and I wonder how you would baptise me if I didn't pick the Frenchy trip

Albert Beit.

>albeit

is a word you like a lot.

>>37223052
>19
Well let's just hope that you don't turn into me.

I wonder if you really can't connect or if you maybe don't want to.

>>37222443
>Learning to value yourself looks like something completely different. I doubt your parents did it.
They praised me a lot. I'm not sure what learning to value yourself is exactly. I know I do it, but I don't know how I learned it.

Hi, I have been lurking the thread(s) for a while and I'm genuinely surprised to see a decent community on 4chan, especially in this day and age.

Anyway, thought I'd finally say hi and introduce myself. I'm your regular autismo shut-in who spends most of the day asleep and come out at night. I'm on the obligatory SNRI for my anxiety and depression. Enough about me, how are you doing, lads?

>>37222589
sorry for the delay, i was eating.
sounds like good parenting. a logical approach without abuse. do you think that left you without an approach of how to react to unreasonable people?

>>37223052

Brace, then. I'm around 6 women simultaneously on a regular basis. Sometimes more. Might have been 8 tonight. I'm often the only man around.

Since I don't eat at lunch, women would try and feed me fairly often. Last year, that is, they stopped this year because my state is weird enough that people don't even attempt anything anymore. They're scared to bother me.

>>37223214
Nice to hear from you, please tell us more. Also, feel free to take various tests and post results. I imagine someone will leap in and give you links to those momentarily.

>>37223195
You and me both. My head is such a shitfest that I have no idea what I want or dont want anymore

>>37223094
I learned to do what I'm told. My dad had creative punishments occasionally. One time I hid when I was like 12 because I didn't want to weedeat around the house. Hid until about 9pm, then walked in the house confident because it was too dark to work. That was the only time I ever weedrated by car headlights before, took until 10:30 pm to finish.
>>37223052
But why? Worst-case you embarass yourself, best case you make a friend or three
>>37223214
Hello

I hate being a bungee rope for others, it feels pathetic.

>highschool friend says she's feeling down over [insert event]
>Offer to go out with her to get her mind off things for a while.
>Sitting on park bench.
>She talks and talks, everytime i try to say something she cuts me off.
>"Oh hey its (name) guy from highschool"
>After about 15 minutes she comes back, continues yapping about god knows what.
>We then part ways.
>Hasn't talked to me again since, only does so when it's convenient for her.

That's just rude, come to think of it, all my "friends" are like this, they go out and do fun stuff like horse riding and never invite me,
only do so if im driving them there because they're pathetic and don't have a car.

im waiting for a reason, any reason to off myself, just give me one, I'll die happily then

>>37223081

Well, for one, if you don't approach women with awkward shit, they don't feel threatened, and can like you better.

The other thing is that I'm a caring person, as you may have guessed, and I don't fake my care, I really care, and it shows. I'm also an excellent listener. And I'm funz.

Being an unusual person (many coworkers confirmed this to me in private, all women), I attract curiosity and interest.

I never realised I was a natural charming person until a year ago.

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>>37223090
I feel distant from reality and myself, as if I was constantly trapped in a state between fully awake and being in a dream.

I am the one that moves my arm when I do so, but I still am distant from that action. It's not I didn't really put any will, any trigger to move that said arm.

It all is like there was a constant mist all around my consciousness.

However, I very well know I'm not in a dream. I wouldn't jump off of a building just because lmao I can fly.

On the no empathy part, it's because I have blunted feelings. Empathy is linked to your own emotions, and if I barely have any, can barely project myself in other's shoes, well, I can't really have empathy. I just rationally operate, following the general guidelines to know how to react in each situation. However, I can be blunt sometimes, and am mostly oblivious to hints or subtle messages people can convey.

>>37223109
3years and a half together, never met even if we tried to a lot of times, the beginning of the relationship was cringeworthy but somehow we pulled through

Also that person is just sexcellent, objectively wise.

>>37223186
That ain't epic. Pic related, thankfully I picked mine

>>37223214
Welcome to the thread. What's some of the information you've gathered about us so far?

>>37223271
>But why?

I dont know, guess Im just scared of everything these days.
Im lonely but scared of people
Shit man, now Im getting really sad

>>37223109
>Just go and let go ov everything Nick. Or if you can't, compartmentalize your brain, and put your true emotions there and simply enjoy sensations.

I'm not sure I want my female coworkers to know how I look topless. I might be chased enough already.

>>37223133
>He's just dozy. He can be so thoughtless at times it's untrue.

He's a tippy top psychopath, the worthy son of his parents. I'm glad you didn't fall to the dark side too far.

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>>37223184

Correct. This is a photo of me.

>>37223217
>do you think that left you without an approach of how to react to unreasonable people?
Yes: talk calmly with them and reach out to them to make them understand their wrong doings. It's a good skill to have but not always a good approach.

>>37223209
>I know I do it,

If you did it, truly, you'd never let anyone cross your boundaries unpunished.

>>37223214
You're always welcome here to pass the time, rant and wait for death that cannot arrive sooner.
I'm sure you'll fit in just fine.

>>37223250
I'm not really sure what to tell you to be honest. I've "recently" started going to the gym during the night with two of my friends. I'm making decent progress but I sort of feel like my body is falling apart. Partly due to physical issues, such as constant pain in my glute, a possible nerve that is being obstructed, which somehow makes me get a weird "watery" sensation along my leg, almost as if someone splashed freezing water all over it.

Secondly due to anxiety and what I think is paranoia which has lead me to literally turn 180 degrees after walking half-way to the gym and retreating back to my cave, fun times.

>>37223214
>Hi, I have been lurking the thread(s) for a while and I'm genuinely surprised to see a decent community on 4chan, especially in this day and age.

I'm always fascinated by lurkers. The idea that there are people who follow, read, day after day, but don't post... That fascinates me.

You can make anything happen, even on 4chan, provided you just try hard like a mad man.

Welcome to our family. Hope to see you regularly.

>>37220653
So Nick, what conditions do you think that I may be suffering from? Do you even have an idea anymore?

>>37223214
Why have you chosen the name that you have?

>>37223331
I think that's really untrue. He's nicer than me, keeps his temper better and is generally more empathic too. Not to mention a higher achiever in large part. And not an alcoholic. The problem is that he was with his bf and when that's on the table the rest of the world loses its sway over him. You should be able to relate to that.

>>37223372
Fantastic. Working out with friends is completely the best way to do it. I can relate to the anxiety thing. If possible have your friends pick you up. However I am concerned that you may not be giving yourself long enough windows of recovery nor getting the right nutrients.

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Hello folks, how's everyone doing today?

>>37223269
Yeah, you can't understand yourself and I can't see into your head. It's one damn mystery.

There is however something I do know. I'm 25 (if you don't know). I imagine we might be going on quite similar roads (although our backgrounds differ). I don't know what you want, but I can damn well recognize many of the mistakes I've made roughly 5 years ago.

One of them was first telling myself that I can't connect to people, later it turned into telling myself that I don't want to connect to people. That was a lie, I was just afraid of many things and this fear I was masking with disinterest or inability.

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>>37223214
Life's been pretty boring lately, honestly. All the things I want to do seem to be tad bit out of reach, drugs, women, actually doing something with my life.
There are days where it feels like I'm a god(which I wholeheartedly agree with), and there are days where I just feel like a superhuman without energy. I'm destroying just about every relation I've had with the authorities, or otherwise "important" people. There's this thought that spins through my head that I should care - that I should feel bad even, since I disappoint them over and over - yet, I don't. I feel nothing, absolutely nothing. If anything I feel better because of the fact that I outmaneuvered them yet again, I gained their sympathies, empathies and whatever other feeling there is.

Anyway,

Good evening. I'm also new here. I was diagnosed with the spergs a few years back, but they initially wanted to place an ADHD diagnosis on me, but scrapped that in favor of the autism. Since then I've grown more and more into the role of being a sperg, even though in reality I could function like a normal human being, or even better. It's just that people are boring, activities are boring and life in general is incredibly boring and I find no reason to live it. I won't kill myself, since I find killing oneself to be retarded, however, I wouldn't care if I was diagnosed with lethal cancer or was driven over, killed or whatever.

After an outburst where I let loose that I don't really like people all that much, especially when they get on my nerves. They shoved me on a "anti-anxiety" medicine, even though I've never had anxiety in my life. Apparently my outburst was a result of me getting anxiety.

I've been rambling for far too long now, I don't really know what it says, I just typed a bit. We'll see, perhaps we'll learn, perhaps we won't. Good evening lads, how we doing?

>>37223142
it does sound highly suspect to invite a dude to a party like that. though im also notoriously bad at reading women..

>>37223214
welcome to the thread.
i always liked the tranquility of night, what made you flip your day?

>>37223358
>It's a good skill to have but not always a good approach
i agree, some people just want confrontation. do you practice any martial arts and are you fit? those things might give you confidence to stand for yourself and be less pleasing to people. not to say get violent with them, just that you'll have the confidence to face them if the case comes true

>>37223430
Not bad, a bit tired. Finished Yakuza Zero finally. You?

>>37223437
Fuck me, lads. I have to pick a name. I'll be the Asparagus, since that's what they call me.

>>37223359
Maybe I'm confusing valuing myself with having a high self-esteem?
I looked up people pleaser, it doesn't sound like me. I'm more apathetic than that.

>>37223391

I'd need to ask a few more questions.

Do you feel ready to defend yourself any time? Do you imagine what people could do to you most of the time? Do you feel like you live life on a battlefield of sorts?

>>37223271
Hello!
>>37223318
You're a refuge for all kinds of spergs and sort of an outlet, I suppose.
>>37223368
Thank you.
>>37223381
Thank you. I've especially been paying a bit of attention to you, it seems a lot of people appreciate what you're doing around here.
>>37223423
It sounds like bleak, which is how I'd describe my life right now and it's also a muscle. Thought it fit right in.

>>37223430
Waiting for death as usual, tell us about your day newfriend.

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>>37223214
Greetings pal. Welcome in the carousel of agony, the more we are, the easier it gets

>>37223290
Interesting. Guess I could have taken that path too, I genuinely cared about everyone back in the days, but I got fucked up good and can only care about a handful of people now. At least I'm known for that, in my restrictive circle.

>>37223437
That's the problem with being diagnosed something. Once you have a tag on your head, you kind of start acting like that tag says. That's why alcoholic reunions are flawed, people attending them define themselves as alcoholic, which hinders them from acting toward the path they should all take.

>>37223474
Or let Nick baptise you

>>37223429
>You should be able to relate to that.

I still contacted my narc parents when such things happened. You find your family the most far-fetched excuses I've ever heard and you don't seem to realise.

More empathic? The guy doesn't even know that being jerked by your own mother is wrong and pretty damn traumatic.

Your brother doesn't have a clue and the sooner you realise this, the better. For your own damn sanity.

>>37223446
I am fit but I'm a really tiny girl, the opposite of intimidating. I just know basic self-defense.

>>37223438
>it does sound highly suspect to invite a dude to a party like that. though im also notoriously bad at reading women..

What do you imagine would be the trick? Really curious here.

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>>37223462
Just a tiny bit miffed, thanks for asking. Eternally tired, lightly dissociated, can't focus on my studies, failed my driving test because of a stupid mistake, but at least I'm making progress.

>>37223431
Well, It seems like we actually have a lot more in common then I thought.

I guess I might be just afraid, who knows.

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>>37223540
But what if we all want to remain insane?

>>37223563
London, meme, ect

>>37223430
I'm doing pretty good today. How are you?

>>37223483
>I looked up people pleaser, it doesn't sound like me. I'm more apathetic than that.

Nah, you're textbook people-pleaser, don't drop the idea so soon. I'm a people-pleaser too, and it's not obvious at all.

Im going to get a pizza and binge watch the Simpsons.
Have a good evening lads.
Bort signing off.

>>37223438
I feel calm during the night. There aren't that many people around during the night, which means I can go about my "day" like most people would witout having to worry about social interactions, it's a win-win, really. >>37223437
Nice to meet you, lad.
>>37223532
G'day to you, too. I wonder if the conductor will ever let us get off, perhaps some time in the future.

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>>37223525
>tell us about your day newfriend.
I've been lurking and posting at a slow pace for at least 40 threads now, I think.

>>37223569

>>37223580
I think I oughta link you to it as well then.
>>37223569

>>37223516
>Thank you. I've especially been paying a bit of attention to you, it seems a lot of people appreciate what you're doing around here.

I hope I was entertaining. And yes, people do appreciate my efforts. Most of the time.

>>37223430
A bit tired, but I'm better than usual. How are you, lad?

>>37223593
Toodle-oo.

>>37223569
Progress is good.

>>37223540
He isn't aware of all things and I don't intend to tell him. I don't want him having another breakdown. Anyway he might not be empathic per se but he's more personable and he reads The Guardian.

>>37223581
>you're textbook people-pleaser
How would you know?

>>37223314
3 1/2 is a good number. What happened?
>>37223327
Why are you afriad of people? Has something happened to you?
>>37223331
And if they do, so what? It must feel nice to be looked upon and wanted.
>>37223372
Sounds like you're not eating right to me. Also go to a chiropractor, that may help with your leg issue. I've been going to mine since I was 16 and fucked my back up permanently. They'll keep you feeling and moving better.
>>37223516
Hope you stick around, its a good time.

>>37223563
>the opposite of intimidating
that's truly a shame. do you associate much with people that want to impose their way on you? at what extent can you avoid them?

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Fuck this whole thread feels like back in the early days of internet, when being anonymous was a thing and asking people's identity was something completely out of the ordinary

This thread may be more therapeutic than I thought it would, feels good to feel things sometimes

>>37223601
We'll find him and kill him, no worries. Doing it alone is harder than with a bunch of people, though

>>37223623
das is so untrue lol ur not payin enuf atention u attention sikin whor

On the topic of just wanting to say it, Nier Automata is a masterpiece that can be consided as art. You all should play it. (And pay for it, otherwise you won't be able to fully experience it, as it requires internet on some parts)

>>37223651

Trust me, I know my shit. Ask around.

My comment wasn't mean to demean you, however. And it's based on what you said. I could always be wrong.

>>37223495
>Do you feel ready to defend yourself any time?
Yes. I'm pretty paranoid though.

>Do you imagine what people could do to you most of the time?
Give an example.

>Do you feel like you live life on a battlefield of sorts?
Life's a fight. You gotta be strong or get stepped on. The weak are crushed.

Why am I sad so often? I have friends that I meet with everyday and I'm genuinely happy when I'm around them. Whenever I'm not with them I can't find joy in anything.

I don't have a gf, maybe that's what I need in life?

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>>37223663
>what happened
In what sense? Why we couldn't meet?

>tfw PMMM ost in the background

>>37223610
Oh, that's too bad. Would you like more stimulus?

>>37223574
Point is, why are we afraid? For me it was trust issues that I developed by being bullied for about two years or so. I still twitch whenever people touch me unexpectedly because for a significant amount of time during my formative years any unexpected touch meant getting attacked, hurt and humiliated. Actually when I was about 16 my first reflex when touched unexpectedly was to throw a punch at whoever touched me, or grab their arm and yank them towards the nearest wall. Not that I'm trying to be edgy here, it was a mindless reflex, muscle memory, not something I did to look cool.

So I didn't trust people, didn't want to let them get near me, because it meant being vulnerable which went against every gut feeling I've had. So I rejected so many people, the ones I knew I stopped talking randomly for no reason. I actually never realized I've been doing this until recently.

Bottom line is, I was afraid. What are you afraid of?

>>37223372
if it goes below the knee it's def a nerve. try long duration, very gentle piriformis stretches (google and you'll get endless hits). if it doesnt help in a week focus on core exercises instead.

>>37223565
dont know man, the last few months i've learned people arent nearly as nasty as i used to think. maybe they think you're a cool dude and want to hang out with you. hell, they might not even have considered the orgy everyone here is imagining!

>>37223601
night really does seem to just calm everyone down

>>37223706
That too. But you talk like it is over between you two. It may be and sorry if I missed that post.

>>37223663
>And if they do, so what? It must feel nice to be looked upon and wanted.

Not necessarily, no. I also don't want to end up doing things I'd regret, because I know I'd do them. Punny pun pun.

>>37223429
We usually meet up outside of my friend's apartment and walk from there.

Doubt it's a nutrient deficiency, but I may be wrong. I try to take multivitamin, D-3 and Omega-3 tablets every day, but from time to time it's too much of a chore and I can't get myself to do it.

>>37223663
>Sounds like you're not eating right to me. Also go to a chiropractor, that may help with your leg issue. I've been going to mine since I was 16 and fucked my back up permanently. They'll keep you feeling and moving better.

I was refer to a chiropractor who specializes in these injuries, I believe I'm scheduled for next month, on the 8th or so. Hopefully they'll find out what's wrong.

>>37223725
>Would you like more stimulus?
Sure, why not?

>>37223743
Oh, no it's not over. It's just that I can't be intimate because we can't meet, that's all.

>>37223516
You are right about this place being a refuge. As for the name part, I hope you get much better.

>>37223532
I agree with most people starting to act as if they ARE the label they get given by the psychiatrists, however in my case I started acting like I had something even before I got a diagnosis. It all started in school where I got pissed when a teacher told us to do our work, even though we had none (me and two friends were taking extra english courses instead of french/spanish/german). I told her numerous times that he had nothing to work with, yet she persisted that we take up our work material and start working. I've always been irritable since I was young, and this time was no different. My voice got louder, my body tensed up and it ended up with me calling her "a fucking retard" to which she responded by calling my mother and asking whether we had "investigated" me for ADHD. We had, though in younger years(for the same reason, anger management issues.), so she decided we would do it again.

Jump forward to us being at the psyche ward and they had both my mother and I do a poll on the computer which they'd look over and select a few diagnoses the fit the criteria of what I had chosen.
Fast forward another two weeks and I get called into a verbal interview by another therapist and they had picked out four diagnoses which corresponded to what I had picked. Aspergers, ADHD, Depression, and a fourth she didn't want to reveal until we were done with the others; probably an anti-social like one, though. I sit through the interview with my eyes peered toward the floor, making sure I keep my body language as tight and "nervous" as possible, even though I wasn't nervous at all. I continued this the entire session and the following sessions and I did EVERYTHING I thought would correspond to the criteria of Aspergers, since that's what they wanted me to have, or so I thought.

Fast forward another couple of weeks and they call in my mother and father and they, apparently(I never heard it, and for some reason they've kept it very shush-shush), I got diagnosed...

>>37223682
>This thread may be more therapeutic than I thought it would, feels good to feel things sometimes

I'm truly happy you feel this way. This is why the thread is only getting stronger.

One day we'll all read thread #1 and giggle. Back then, it was just me and no regulars, though those appeared very soon, namely Facet and Meta. Those are the first two that became virtually instant regulars.

>>37223574
>>37223733
i recognize myself in both of you. me from a couple of years ago could definitely have taken your spot, Dan, in arguing with nick the other day.
used to be afraid of just about everything aswell.

>>37220653
Hey Nick, ive been thinking about some stuff today and I want to know, would you have considered yourself as a normal person with good emotions before you broke up with your SO? If so, how was it compared to your emotions right now?

Also hello everyone

>>37223753
I can't provide the stimulus you want.

>>37223696

From early on, you've been in fight mode constantly. That doesn't make room for emotions much, nor empathy, as a result.

I don't think you were born a psychopath. If you could snap out of fight mode (or trauma mode), you might feel things again, as I recall you said you could turn it on/off if you wanted.

>>37223776
Thank you, lad. How long have you been here?

>>37223777
Wellp. I don't really know what to say, except that I'm glad I could read a bit of your story.

>>37223744
How doesn't it? I really don't understand.
>>37223746
Good luck with the chiro man. Din't expect immediate results, adjusting your body takes time. Took 3 months for my back to stop hurting 24/7 after my injury. But stick with it and you'll recover as much as possible.
>>37223762
Why haven't you two been able to meet? Poor, or the universe conspiring against you?

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>>37223777
... with Aspergers. Since then I've picked up things from other people with Aspergers, through the internet mostly and I've adapted to fit into that role even more than before. In recent years I've started "regressing" from the Aspergers diagnosis, since I have to become more of an adult instead of a "lost autistic child who needs help", as was my image back then. Now I'm more of a regular person with no motivation really, beyond manipulating the only authority figures and family I've got left. Other than that I just exist, I suppose.

Also, what would Nick baptizing me entail? Do I get a name? Do I get christened?

>>37223663
>>37223733

>Why are you afriad of people? Has something happened to you?

Not really, just met a few assholes, everyone did.
I have a few friends, I just dont get along with normies (surprise when youre a robot) but Im mostly just scared of people not liking me.
I'm just quite sensitive about this. As I mentioned few days everytime my friends do something without me I start loosing my shit because I think I did something and they will leave me.

We talked about how my parent didnt really give me much attention when I was a kid and that it might be the reason for this.

I dont know. I feel like Im scared of being disliked so I rather just dont try.

Its pretty retarded but I guess Im just alone so I dont risk being left alone.

>>37223669
I can have no problem cutting ties with people like that if I want, but I'd rather be able to do better than run away. The only people I can't avoid are coworkers, and they tend to push their work on me which is annoying.

>>37223833
>Good luck with the chiro man. Din't expect immediate results, adjusting your body takes time. Took 3 months for my back to stop hurting 24/7 after my injury. But stick with it and you'll recover as much as possible.

Thanks mate. What happened to your back?

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>>37223802
>I can't provide the stimulus you want.
Seriously though, I'd probably be better off with less stimulus. Maybe go live innawoods for a month or two without an internet connection and just read and meditate my time away. If I only had a transportable gym, I'd be set.

>>37223701
>I don't have a gf, maybe that's what I need in life?

Humans didn't evolve to be alone. We should be sleeping by a fire, 15 of us. Being physically alone was never part of the plan.

>>37223833
Poor, and the universe conspiring, yep. Six or seven tries, all of which had different setups, but the same outcome.

>>37223790
Yeah, I imagine "trust issues" is something that applies in various degrees to many people on /r9k/. Because people who congregate here have been hurt, I think that's what connects us the most, not "tfw no gf", not "depression" not "assburgers".

Also in my defense, a year ago I would be danrailing every single thread Nick would have made. Actually, why am I using conditional case? I used to do exactly that. Nowadays, I'd like to think that I just have some bad days when I relapse.

>>37223856
I don't have a way to respond to this.

>>37223819
A couple of weeks now. This place is addictive.

>>37223846
>I dont know. I feel like Im scared of being disliked so I rather just dont try.
I can understand this, but have no idea how to help. I'm going through something somewhat similar, but with romantic relationships. I'n now at the point of fearful-avoidant.

>>37223823
No problem, people say I tend to ramble a tad too much and often don't really know how to respond, since there's too much to respond to.

I like talking about myself though, since it's pretty much the only thing I know for certain. If there's anything you, or anyone else, would like to know: ask away.

>>37223884
You don't need to have one and I infact meant for the discussion to end there on my part.

>>37223690
You might know your shit, but you certainly don't know me better than I know myself. And yes, in this case you are wrong.

>>37223818
Yes, I can. I don't really want it to be on though. I don't see any benefit to caring.

>>37223856
I've often thought about living in the woods, surviving solely off the produce I'm able to cultivate in my little backdoor garden. Sounds nice.

>>37223740
>dont know man, the last few months i've learned people arent nearly as nasty as i used to think. maybe they think you're a cool dude and want to hang out with you. hell, they might not even have considered the orgy everyone here is imagining!

I can tell you 100% nobody planned on an orgy. Every other woman turned down the jacuzzi idea just like I did.

I was invited because I am indeed a cool dude. No evil intention there, 100% certain. I do, however, think that one of them might be making moves on me, but subtle ones.

>>37223936
Okay. That's seems pretty reasonable. I figured as much anyways.

>>37223914
Glad to hear. I could really use a time sink other than staring at the wall or endlessly browsing youtube.

>>37223849
>The only people I can't avoid are coworkers, and they tend to push their work on me which is annoying
remember you dont have to be angry with them to reject them. you can do it politely as your parents did with you. rationaly. after all, you have your own work to do. what's your job, if it's not too personal a question

Not to /pol/ the place up, but I was arguing with my mother about Enoch Powell. She's not a fan since he's a hateful bigot who called for mass lynchings. What, haven't you heard of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech? Also it's a shame about the terrorist attack because now people will blame Muslims when we should all be friends :(

>>37223796
>I want to know, would you have considered yourself as a normal person with good emotions before you broke up with your SO?

No. I was aware there was a lot of weird going on with me, but I couldn't connect it to anything, or almost. There was never really a breakup. We just physically parted. She texts me every day.

I've been experiencing derealisation since November, so there's that. And major depression, though it has lessened somewhat very recently. I cry less, too.

But life is bleak.

Someone mentioned a test (or several?) a bit earlier on. I'd appreciate if anyone could toss me a link, seems interesting.

>>37223833
>How doesn't it? I really don't understand.

You don't want to be caressed by just anyone's eyes. Also, my body is intimate, so I'm not comfortable with just being exposed, even if I am appreciated.

I know, I'm a real woman.

>>37223977
Well you've come to the right place. Enjoy your stay.

>>37223846
>We talked about how my parent didnt really give me much attention when I was a kid and that it might be the reason for this.
Yeah this is quite interesting. My parents didn't graduate from high school and they worked 12 hour shifts for shitty pay during most of my childhood. They still tried do give us as much as they could, but nowadays when I see my colleagues who have children, how they spend so much time with their kids during the weekends because they are educated and have decent money. Actually only after I started working, I realized that there actually do exist monday-friday 8 - 17 jobs with free weekends. This blew my mind honestly, because as a kid there was no such thing as a free weekend spent with my parents, I thought it was something that only happens in american movies.

>Its pretty retarded but I guess Im just alone so I dont risk being left alone.
Damn reading this is like staring into a fucking mirror. Does this make sense though? This way of thinking that can be summed up as "I can't lose if I don't enter the competition".

>>37223985
>we should all be friends
I disagree with this.

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>>37223956
>surviving solely off the produce I'm able to cultivate in my little backdoor garden
Wouldn't do much surviving with that, to be honest. Especially if you live outside of the (sub)tropics. Add fishing, hunting and trapping to that and you might eke out a living.

>>37223985
Powell could see what was coming, but sadly people didn't listen. All this mass-migration has done absolutely nothing to help the third world and has simply made Europe a less safe and prosperous place to be.
I loathe how gullible, weak and foolish humans are.

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>>37223875
One day Frenchy you and your irl waifu will meet. I hope it will work out for you.
>>37223881
>trust issues
Agreed.
>>37223855
Ruined it high school "wrasslin!", permanently fucked my back. L4 and L5 almost went full 180 to each other. Debilitating pain every few days to few weeks, can barely sit up through the pain.
>>37223985
>Also it's a shame about the terrorist attack because now people will blame Muslims when we should all be friends :(
We burgers should have finished the job earlier, but its late for pic related.

>>37223834

The Asparagus is a pretty damn good name, actually.

I'm not convinced you have Asperger's, however. I doubt that diagnosis very much in many cases.

>>37223978
I work in a law firm. It doesn't help with my apathy, an emotional lawyer is a dead lawyer.

>>37224052
8th try will be in august. Will see how it goes, but can't say I'm looking forward to it.

>trust issues
Agreed2

>>37223942
>but you certainly don't know me better than I know myself.

I used to think I knew myself, it turned out to be the greatest mistake I had ever made. It prevented growth in a big way. I can only advise to doubt your certainties about most things.

Would you say your dislike of showing anger is based on how the other person would feel about it?

>>37224050
>Wouldn't do much surviving with that, to be honest. Especially if you live outside of the (sub)tropics. Add fishing, hunting and trapping to that and you might eke out a living.

You're right. I didn't really think it thought, it's more of a daydreaming situation, something I like to imagine when I get bored. Then again I could expand the garden to accommodate to however much calories and nutrients I may need.

>>37224027
I'd love to be wanted though. Doesn't mean I can even consider the possibility of dating someone again, but I want to be wanted.
>>37224097
I hope it happens for you Frency. I can't cheer against someone's happinessz

>>37223995
>But life is bleak.

Life is indeed bleak. Did you ever feel like giving up on life? Are suicidal thoughts normal as a response to emotional pain or is it just a symptom of a mentally unstable person?

>>37224126
>will I be happy though

Blunteeeeeed feeeeeeeeeelings is a bitch

>>37224054
Thank you, it's been a call-sign of mine in a few communities. I don't recall exactly how it started, but I do believe it began as a joke on my diagnosis.

>
I'm not convinced you have Asperger's, however. I doubt that diagnosis very much in many cases.

What makes you say that? Is it the fact that you doubt it in general, or something I said/did?

>>37224067
a law firm is a very competitive place to work for what i understand. i'll change my recommendation a bit: you can refuse to take the work of your coworkers politely but i dont think there's much you can do about your bosses delegating work to you. it just the way it seems to work i guess. does the work stress you a lot?

>>37223985
>Enoch Powell. She's not a fan since he's a hateful bigot who called for mass lynchings. What, haven't you heard of the 'Rivers of Blood' speech?

Did he really call for mass lynchings? I wasn't aware of that and somehow doubt it. His Rivers of Blood speech, from what I recall, wasn't all that bad, but people sure had a hissy fit about it.

Yes, I got that you were being sarcastic, but I didn't get it right away.

Also, one major wrong thing here:

>arguing with my mother

Don't. Why do you even talk to her anymore?

>>37224052
>Ruined it high school "wrasslin!", permanently fucked my back. L4 and L5 almost went full 180 to each other. Debilitating pain every few days to few weeks, can barely sit up through the pain.

I'm glad that you're at least better. I always feel like I'm about to snap something when pushing for a new 1rm, especially during deadlifts. My form is damn near perfect, so I shouldn't be in any real "danger".

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>>37224125
You couldn't get enough food from a garden. You'd need full scale farming, which on your own would require heavy machinery. Hunting and gathering are necessities for solitary existence.

>>37224016

Here you go.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151123-how-dark-is-your-personality
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm
http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/stpd/stypal.php
https://pcsearle.com/screening/screen_des.html
http://aspergerstest.net/aq-test/
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20151123-how-dark-is-your-personality
http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/
https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/
http://www.educateautism.com/infographics/sally-anne-test.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

>>37224157
She texted me. And no, people who have no idea what they're talking about hear 'Rivers of Blood' and just assume that it was an endorsement of wholesale slaughter of immigrants. They also like to assume that he was a stupid and ignorant man rather than a classic/ history scholar, a literal professor, a military officer and consistently published poet. Because remember, only ignorant morons criticise immigration!

>>37223881
yea, i suppose it makes sense. it's the lonelyness that brings us together.
im sorta glad i hadnt discovered 4chan when i was the most angry and such i chose to rage against religion rather than women. though i've been raging a whole lot against women aswell.

>>37223958
being an emotional wreck and having someone romantically interested in you is a mixed bag of chocolates. where some of the chocolates are literally shit.

>>37224052
>L4 and L5 almost went full 180 to each other
holy shit, can you still feel your feet and dick? and also do you have xray? im extremely interested in seeing them

>>37224036
>Does this make sense though?

Well it seems like we both live by it so it has to work somehow.
Probably not a good way of thinking tho.
I wish I could somehow stop being so scared of it, but for now it seems that only working solution for me would be constant flow of alcohol.
Thats pretty much the only time Im able to communicate with strangers.
That is if the alcohol doesnt push me into a spiral of neverending sadness.
In that case I just dont want to talk to anyone and mostly sleep on the table.

>>37224214
Jesus christ. Which one do I begin with?

>>37224134
>Are suicidal thoughts normal as a response to emotional pain or is it just a symptom of a mentally unstable person?
To me it's always been just the end result of being utterly tired of everything. Too tired to carry on, nothing positive in life, nothing to look forward to, so why not just kill myself and be done with it? Far easier than to struggle each and every day for nothing.

>>37224251
The first ones, of course
Doubt anyone did all of them anyway.

>>37224251
I'd suggest starting with these three.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/

>>37224134

Yes.

Suicidal thoughts are a sign of depression. Depression never comes alone. From nothing.

It's not normal, if by normal we mean healthy.

Mentally unstable shouldn't bear more stigma than physically unstable, but it does, because people don't know what it entails.

>>37224143
If nothing else you finally achieved meeting up like you've failed at 7 times before, so rejoice in that.
>>37224172
Definitly a chiro will help. At least they'll help you find out what exactly what is wrong. And thanks, but I'm not "ok." I'm just as ok as I'll ever get. I was told it would hurt me the rest of my life.
>>37224225
I'm sure there's an xray around somewhere, but I can't be assed to go fi d it through my parents' mountains of paperwork. I still function, it just gives out extreme pain on occasion when it feels like fucking up a good day I'm having. Or a bad day. It's been about 7 years ago now, still hurting.

>>37224223

I didn't know he was all that. But he's all over the Internet now.

>Enoch Powell was right.

is a meme I had in my old computer. I liked to upset people with political incorrectness, online.

>>37224277

I did all of them. I tested the tests. I saved my results for everything, for comparison.

Some vaporwave is required.

https://youtu.be/OrR1TGQY20Y

Very uplifting too. Vaporwave was the last sort of music LO and I listened to together, back in the dying summer and subsequent autumn, which was to be our last happy moments together. Then everything went to hell and stayed there.

>>37224333
for that to happen without severe damage to your nerves is nothing short of a miracle

>>37224262
Do you have normal-phases too? when you forget about the sadness and feel energetic? And then suddenly you get hit with this immense loss of energy and motivation that makes it even worse when you put it in contrast with the normal days?

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>>37224370
But it's because you're special Nick.

This thread is going strong as fuck. Been a while since we had such an active thread.

>>37224440

I am, for better or worse. I also wouldn't recommend a test I didn't do myself. Not all these tests are amazing, but they're revealing, to some degree.

>>37224227
Man oh man. The similarities just keep on coming. Alcohol...

Point is, it only works for some time. There were times when it was great. I got drunk and everything was fucking awesome! This was when I was about 20. But then it started happening, sometimes I wasn't happy drunk, but I would get angry or sad. At first I didn't think much of it. Well during the years that I have been drinking, the window when I feel good has been getting smaller and smaller. Nowadays I'm mostly angry when drunk and the good feeling that I used to have pretty much all the time is now very, very limited. Not to mention that my alcohol tolerance got very high. I now have to drink about a liter of hard liquor (40%) in no more than 5 hours to feel good. Anything less or slower and I just get angry and sad. You know how they say that something is "slippery slope fallacy"? Well, let me tell you, this alcohol slope is real fucking slippery. I'd advice not to rely on it as a crutch. It's useless.

>Well it seems like we both live by it so it has to work somehow.
I don't know man. The point is, if you don't enter the competition, you lose by default. Only by entering the competition you can protect your ego. And this is probably where we differ. For me, the feeling of being in control is very important. I'd rather lose by not participating (by my own decision) than risk it and maybe win. Because then I am giving up control. But then again, for me it's more about being psychopathic. Not sure about you.

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>>37224459
Doubt any specialist would recommend an online test. I did them for fun, and scored amazingly well hahaha

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>>37224370
>was 27
Fuck I'm getting worse.
>>37224402
I'd rather be crippled, at least that way I'd have something to blame being such a colossal failure on.

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>>37224503
>still not 43

Get good get lmaobox

>>37224307
What can I do to not feel this way anymore? I live the life of a normal and happy person when i put on my mask for others, but when im alone all the repressed emotions are coming out, is medication enough?

>>37224484

I've done online tests which were nearly identical to professional ones, with similar results. Being online doesn't actually change the nature of the questions and the results. Just because it's online doesn't make it automatically shit.

That'd be one of those fallacies you don't like.

Some tests are better than others. The depression/anxiety/stress one gives solid results.

>>37224423
No, I'm afraid not. I always feel some level of shit, with varying degrees of depression and anger. Have you ever been diagnosed with bipolar disorder? Bipolar II, specifically?

>>37224527

Medication probably isn't the way for you. Your state is possibly a reaction to a situation, so you need to treat the situation, not the reaction.

I don't recall your problematic well enough to discuss it at all.

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>>37224214
I did the empathy one.

>>37224503
i've found myself wishing for some serious illness just to have something real to struggle with aswell.

just out of curiosity, was it the chiro that explained what had happened to your back?

>>37224533
Im afraid to go to a psychologist, it would just be another thing that i have to hide from my family and im too anxious to talk about my problems with a stranger face to face. And online tests are not that good at diagnostics as far as I know

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>>37224531
Being online isn't a criteria to automatically turn it down, but much like price that hints about the quality of what you buy (even if it's not certain), being online hints about its quality.

It isn't backed up by anything, and as such can be qualified as a forejudge, which it surely is. Will ask about my therapist if there exist any online tests worth noting

Doubt you're wrong, just want to have a specialist's opinion

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>>37224585

15...

You know mine, for that one. This is why people like to talk to me.

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>>37224585
That's 3 points less than me!

How did you manage to get there? What's your special trick?

>>37224560
I dont know what can posibly make me this sad on a daily basis,even when i was younger, i thought everyone was sad all the time and had to see something funny to laugh for a short period and then be sad again

>>37224629

Have no fear. Psychologists are people, they're not superior to you, they merely study the human mind and know how it works, to some degree. Fear nothing.

Some tests are excellent.

>>37224525
>climbed 6 points in around a month
Fuck, my actual depression is about to come back. Started yesterday near the end of the thread, in about another week or two I'mma be drowning in suicidal thoughts again. Great!
>>37224595
Yes. He x-ray'd after I explained my accident to him, then he explained what he was looking at to me. My back nowadays gets to the point where its so poorly aligned my right leg is a full half an inch longer than my left.

>>37224680

This is the saddest post.

Were you always a sad child?

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>>37224214
>>37224299
Did the first three.