Psychological Issues #67

Good to see you 'hosting' again. Decent day?

>>37199019
Hey Facet you beat me here. Hows the Monday?
>>37198958
Afternoon Nick. How's everything?

>>37198958
I think I have some form of amnesia. I need some help.

>>37199019

I worked, shopped for sustenance, and went to therapy.

I cleaned my laptop desktop yesterday.

>>37199057
Fuck forgot my dirty trip. Wait thirty seconds my ass.

>>37198958
I decided I'm not worthy of children or 3DPD. I'm just going to be a bitter person with a cat and focus on other things in my life. Also Hi Nick. Hope all is well.

>>37199062
What do you think you've forgotten?
>>37199105
How does one decide this on their own? That's usually something everyone you date has to tell you.

>>37199066
And then you got doubles! Imagine that!

>>37199076
Yeah, alright. Really boring actually. Have a really busy week coming up so it made sense to make the most of the day off. Went for a burrito, wandered around for a short while and then felt dissatisfied with life and went home. Considered bowling briefly but no, that kind of high octane life isn't for me.

>>37198958
Nick's hosting again yay

>>37199153
I used to have fun bowling, never got above 96 in a single game though, because I'm bad. Is your upcoming week the good or bad kinda busy?

Hey everyone.
Just came to quickly say hi and get my daily dose of bullying, wont stay for long.
Hope you guys are doing good

>>37199145
>What do you think you've forgotten?
Almost everything. Not even kidding.

About a month and a half ago I woke up in an abandoned house after being discovered by someone who used to own the place. I have no idea what I was doing or who I am prior to getting discovered by that person.

I know basic things like how to speak, walk, dress myself, and about the world, like cars, animals, and phones but I have no idea who the hell I am and where I'm from and what was I doing with my life prior to that incident.

I don't even know how old I am exactly. After about almost 2 weeks homeless, I shacked up with a couple who agreed to let me live with them as long as I act as some sort of housekeeping.

It sounds like I'm making this shit up, but I'm being entirely serious and I just seriously want to know what is up with my life.

>>37199199
Doing well enough. How're you holding up?

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>>37199199
Look at that - incredible! Somehow everyone in the thread is sliding toward a single point. Better scram Atlas, I don't think the board can take this kind of strain for any length of time.

>>37199216
Thats... Wow. Have you checked yourself for scars from any recent surgeries? You can always post a picture of your face and reverse image search it and see what you can find.

Hey guys. How are you all?
P.S. Was the thread up yesterday?

>>37199264
I had several scars when I woke up, however they don't seem to be surgical scars and I have no idea where I got them.

Tried the reverse image thing. I can't find anything pertaining to any sort of information about me. No social media, anything. I can't find anyone who knows me or recognizes me either.

>>37199195
It's more work for the most part but I'm getting into it. So mostly good but I might feel otherwise by the end. I'm doing double my normal hours because of reasons, plus I have to go and stay with my brother for a night tomorrow. Could be a little bit hectic. I just hope I can manage working several days on the trot in addition to a load of therapy.

>>37199296
Facet was running a thread, can't recall what he called it. And I'm here, which is the best thing can be said for me today. How about yourself?

>>37199076

Hi Hero.

>>37199105

Why is that?

>>37199153

Magic digits. Kek be praised.

Bowling is fun.

>>37199180

Hey Arthur. I discovered you were about to get operated on soon; are you 100% sure about your decision?

I have one main concern. I feel that my problems aren't worthwhile getting help for. I feel that I exaggerate my problems, that I'm weak, that I'm retarded. That I'm literally and actually better off dead because I am weak and retarded

How do you distinguish whether you are 'worthy' of help or not?

Maybe I should add I don't believe in shallow concerns. I don't believe in people who think everyone is better off alive or who thinks everybody is valuable

>>37199221
Not good but not too bad either.
Still have a load of studying to do, getting pretty damn scared that I dont know shit.
Not much else. I've just been thinking about these chats of ours most of the day

>>37199216

Do you remember how you found 4chan?

>>37199325
I'm fine. I was just in Utah for a fishing trip. We didn't catch anything.

>>37199307
>I had several scars when I woke up

Where are they?

Have you reported yourself to the police?

>>37199346
Tried asking on reddit first, following the advice of the couple I'm living with. After more searching, found out about 4chan. Can't really tell if this places feels familiar or not seeing as it didn't "trigger" anything. Unlike when I was cooking. I felt "triggered" and knew how to cook, but don't know where I learned.

>>37199333
>How do you distinguish whether you are 'worthy' of help or not?

In a very simple way: you are worthy of help. That's all. If there's a way to get better, then by all means you deserve to feel better. It will also help everyone else around you and society at large.

You probably downplay your problems because they may not be visible to others.

>>37199404

Any ID on you?

>>37199307
That's odd. Do you enjoy your new life?
>>37199324
More work is good, at least for me. More money in my pocket and less time alone with my thoughts.
>>37199328
Hey Nick. I'll still always be around when I'm not busy with life.
>>37199336
>getting pretty damn scared that I dont know shit.
I've been in college for almost 5 years now, I still don't know shit. You learn everything on-the-job now anyways. Just have to grind through school.
>>37199349
Too bad. Homemade beer-battered fish is great.

>>37199374
I was going to go to the police, but I was told by someone that if they can't I.D. me at all, they'll detain me.

I really don't want to find out if that's true or not. If there like a public identification place I can go to?

>>37199411
>you are worthy of help.
Am I Nick?

>>37199433
Yeah it is. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't catch any, because it's been months since I've eaten fish.

>>37199450
>but I was told by someone that if they can't I.D. me at all, they'll detain me.

I doubt this. It'd be worth the risk anyway, however.

Just go to the damn police. How long ago did you wake up to your new life?

>>37199451

Yes. Your past isn't your fault. Neither is the way you are now.

>>37199433
I enjoy having a roof over my head better than being homeless though I can't remember anything prior to that.

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>>37199433
Agreed on all of those points, it's just that too much stress might go poorly. It's better to give it a try though. After all it would be completely unprecedented to do something competently, become over-confident, self-sabotage and the crash and burn. Pic unrelated, but it's in the post.

>>37199484
It's been about a month and a half.

I guess I will go to the police. I just have this fear that maybe I'm someone they're looking for or maybe they'll just detain me and until they can find out who I am.

They can fingerprint me or something, right?

>>37199411
I will probably be on autismbucks soon. I'm a shutin who lost faith in other people. There's literally only 2 people who would be greatly damaged from me killing myself. Sometimes I think of distancing myself from those two people so I have a better option of killing myself.

Me feeling better or becoming better wouldn't benefit anybody except those two. Society? Heh, no. I don't help society in any way. I'm actually draining resources from society if I seek help.

Evening folks, hope you're all doing good.

>>37199450
>but I was told by someone that if they can't I.D. me at all, they'll detain me.
They'll detain you if you are specifically asked for identification for example in a traffic check, or something similiar. If you yourself go to them and inform them you've lost your memory and have no ID, they won't detain you.
I would suggest you go to a doctor first, if possible. Though that'd depend on the nation you're in.

>>37199528
>They can fingerprint me or something, right?

Yes. Even if you were a criminal, you're better off knowing now. You never know who else might be looking for you.

>>37199536
>Me feeling better or becoming better wouldn't benefit anybody except those two.
What about yourself?

>>37199476
I don't like fish often, but can't deny that it's great when I'm in the mood for it. More a beef and pork guy myself.
>>37199503
I wish I could help you friend. Being lost without knowing where I and 4 sides of my family came from would be difficult.
>>37199505
I think you can handle it.

I have ridiculously varied states of mind and thought and also tend to talk to myself in weird ways. I dont see anything thats not real or heaar voices or anything but its a weird state of thinking. Should I be worried?

>>37199536
>Sometimes I think of distancing myself from those two people so I have a better option of killing myself.

If the pain of others actually matter to you, you're nowhere near suicidal, so don't worry about it.


>>37199536
>Me feeling better or becoming better wouldn't benefit anybody except those two. Society? Heh, no. I don't help society in any way. I'm actually draining resources from society if I seek help.

Help will make you functional again, and an individual who works and generates both money and services greatly benefits society. Healthcare being free would make more money than when you have to pay for it, in many ways.

>>37199548
>>37199550
Alright, well. I guess I'll go to the police. Knowing who I am would at least give me a some peace of mind.

Thanks.

>>37199584
Can you elaborate on the weird state of thinking? How exactly is it weird?

>>37199584
>varied states of mind
>>37199584
>also tend to talk to myself in weird ways.

Give examples.

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>>37199592
Good luck, Noodles.

>>37199592

Keep us up to date. If you're not trolling, this will be fascinating.

>>37198958
Do I have PTSD? I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for two and a half years. It was horrible. Lost my virginity to this girl, we were getting very serious, and she was basically my first to everything. I was very much in love only to find out she wasn't what I initially thought. I was under severe manipulation, everything was a lie, and at the end just stuck around so long because she threatened suicide all of the time. It was tough. What really haunts me is how I lost my virginity. I feel like I cannot forgive myself for this. For being so stupid that I fell for a slut. I wanted it to be special. I've been having insomnia and flashbacks about all of the events that took place. I am isolating myself from everyone around me, and I feel very anxious. I really want to commit suicide. Life just seems...pointless. I am absolutely shattered. I always felt like a smart man. I have always been cautious about my decisions and she felt like the right person. I honestly thought we were going to get married. This is my first mistake ever making in life really. I cannot trust anyone anymore. I met what seems like a nice girl recently but I just cannot do it. I ghosted her and I feel bad but it was the only logical reason. This event with my ex happened a year ago by the why. I really don't know what to do. I feel impaired.

>>37199592
I hope you find yourself Noodles.

>>37199328
I'm 200% sure. Having tits is a nightmare.

>>37199569

myself doesn't matter. I don't think I'll be ever able to do anything worthwhile

>>37199587

My suicidal tendencies or not isn't what worries me the most

I can't function as a productive member of society. I'm both retarded and I have health issues. I also have concentration issues where I can't create anything

I'm basically a worthless person who wont contribute to anything. The only problem is my death would mean society would have to pay for treatment of the two people who care

>>37199704
Forgot the name field again.

>>37199610
>>37199600
>trains of thought
Something like this
>What am I going to do now?
>shouldve worked on time
>easy for you to say when its over
>and still if I dont say it you wont do anything
>well next time do something instead of whining
>I can sense what you want to do, dont, its a waste of time
>Youre talking out loud again, also you, well I, stop thinking in 2/3rd person, its delusional
Something like this, hard to imitate when it doesnt happen naturally but its basically like a shitty sitcom in my head.
Dont know if Ill be able to reply soon because >kindleposting

>>37199682

PTSD, no, because it's not precise enough, but definitely mental abuse, maybe narcissistic abuse, which is worse than PTSD.

I recommend Richard Grannon's videos. Look for abusive relationships and such in is videos.

There's a reason why such a woman attracted you and why you put up with it. You'll discover a lot about yourself, and maybe even your family and friends. I hope you're ready for the journey.

>>37199704

I must be honest with you, Arthur. I'm very concerned about decisions that you can't go back on. Are you sure that you're not doing this to distance yourself from people who caused you harm and were women?

>>37199727
>I can't function as a productive member of society.

You can write entire posts without a single spelling mistake; that makes you more functional than 90% of the population on YouTube and Facebook.

>>37199791

You have an inner negative voice. Ever tried to connect it to an actual voice of someone who told you similar things?

>>37199841
Should I wait to be more mentally stable? I'm very fragile right now. I cry everyday. I don't even miss her I'm just really disappointed in my self and experiencing a lot of self loathing right now.

>>37199791
Have you been isolated from other people for an extended period of time?
Are you talking to "someone else", or is it specifically just you talking to yourself, with another persona, or voice?
I don't see anything wrong or strange in what you're doing, so long as you've got a handle on it and aren't walking around talking to yourself in public.

Life was good. Religious, creative and academic career, friends. Got very sick suddenly. Emergency surgery. Woke up from anesthesia and felt like i couldnt feel connections anymore. To myself, friends, family. Suddenly cant write well. Suddenly mind is a void that i have to drag thoughts out of kicking and screaming. Memory suddenly sucks. Diagnosed with chronic illness. Mind continues to spiral. Lose friends and job. Existential crisis lasts 3 years. Nothing feels real. Everything looks like its got a vignette filter on it. Dont feel like im alive, feel like im a memory. an echo.

should i just end it

>>37199917
>should i just end it
No. You should go to a doctor and inform him of your serious brain fog and dissociation. They could be caused by a wide variety of things and the sooner you seek treatment the better.

>>37199917
What was the surgury?

>>37199911

You're experiencing exactly what someone who went through narcissistic abuse in a relationship feels like. It connects to your core shame inherited from much earlier (I guess), and that's why it feels so bad.

Stop blaming yourself. That's imperative. Someone else being an asshole isn't your fault. See is as a lesson learned rather than a mistake. You won't go through this ever again if you make sure to learn all there is to learn here.

Your self-esteem has been violated and you were made to accept it; that's the part you must recover now. You must regain your soul, basically. It's possible, don't worry, though it may take months, you can do it.

You'll come back stronger than before.

Do yourself a favour and watch some Grannon.

>>37199917

I share some of those symptoms. Sounds like you're going through heavy derealisation.

How did you get sick?

>>37199874

I'm afraid it doesn't. I very easily get meltdowns and shutdowns where I will become immobilized. I've tried to both work and study several times but it doesn't work. I will be 30 soon. If I even have anything worthwhile sharing most people wont get it because I'm autistic and unable to gauge what the average person would understand from my rantings.

I think some of us are just incompatible with life. Maybe we don't have that huge problems, we just never fit in. We don't belong to this world

I'm somewhat drunk so sorry if this is incomprehensible. also, sorry for taking up your time, I'm not worth it

>>37199973
lymphadenectomy

>>37199980
But I just feel like I'm damaged goods. I'm a mess, man. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I think she may have been a sociopath from how much she manipulated me.

>>37200054

All right, my friend. Let's start with some practical things. Trust me like your life depends on it.

1. Change your name. Find something positive about you and use that instead.

2. Don't speak in "we", and don't separate yourself from everyone else. You're never as isolated as you think.

3. You belong in this world and you're entitled to breathe.

>>37199859
I'm sure. I wouldn't have started transitioning at all otherwise. I've already made a bunch of decisions I can't go back on, so, it's a bit late to worry about that now.

I never hated having a female body because it reminded me of women. It's a very different experience. I spent my entire life reminding myself that I was supposed to be a girl, and trying to be one. When I wake up in the morning, my sleepy mind expects to see a flat hairy chest and a dick. Then I wake up properly and I remember I wasn't born male, and every time it feels wrong. It's always been like that. It's nothing as complex as the repercussions of abuse.

>>37199583
I'm not a big fan of fish unless it's a tuna fish sandwich. I mostly like to eat chicken.

>>37199583
I think I can handle it as well, it's just a matter of building up gradually. Getting used to it. Like increasing an exercise regime.

>>37200086

You're enriched goods, but for now, you'll only feel like an open sore. That's OK, you are. We need to take care of you.

Her manipulation sounds like narc shit. Go to Richard Grannon's YouTube videos and check out whatever you want. I'm sure you'll find stuff that connects to your experience.

It's very important for now that you don't attack yourself for anything. You've been through a lot and it's using your own ancient wounds to make things worse. Heal, take your time, relax.

It won't be like this forever, so have no fear. It will get better. It will.

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Greetings, have an open question. How often do you have inner conversations with a mental representation of other people and who features most prominently in these internal dialogues?

>>37200159

I still believe that how you feel about yourself is not completely alien to your abusive past.

What's your current situation like?

I live a life that most people would say is either extremely depressing, or is the life that someone that is extremely depressed would live. But I have no complaints; in fact, I very much enjoy the banality and keeping people at bay. Sometimes I think that I'm missing out, but that fades pretty quickly.

>>37200227

Do this.


https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>37200211
As often as people piss me off. And it's generally the people that piss me off: my stepson, my mother, inconsiderate/shitty drivers. Internalizing it helps me move past it instead of resorting to physical or verbal violence.

>>37200185
Shit you're completely right. I just read about it here

https://letmereach.com/2015/10/12/6-strong-signs-you-have-narcissistic-abuse-syndrome/

And she did every single one of these things to me. It's insanely accurate! Thank you so much for letting me know about it. I'll learn more about it and watch the videos. I've been feeling like this for months. At first I felt free and relieved when we broke up, now I'm reminiscing on the mistakes I made and how I could have avoided it, etc. I really hope I can heal before I go crazy.

I am incapable of conversation and relationships. I make shitty music.

>>37200135

whether I'm isolated or not doesn't matter if I'm shit. I guess the difference between you and me is our perspectives. I don't think people are entitled, I don't think living is always the better option

are you the one who wants to be a psychology student?

Then I guess my perspective might be a counter to whatever

I don't believe in life having inherit value. I don't believe that everybody is better off living. I don't believe everyone can fit in with some work

If you are the person who wants a degree in psychology, then know that some of us can see through the happy lucky bullshit some of you live by. We don't want the generic bullshit where everyone is valuable and special. We know. We know our lives are shit. Which wouldn't necessarily be that of a big thing if we had a role or a place in society. But the way things are evolving, fewer and fewer people have a place in society

We don't want feelings, we want facts. We want facts that tell us we are valuable, but they don't exist

>>37200211
I sometimes run through prospective conversations, particularly with my partner. I'm nearly always wrong about these (I run through them in therapy) because it seems as though I can't empathise well. So my idea about what they will think or do always misses the mark. But in fact, I tend to be pleasantly surprised as a result becase I believe that their perspectives in a given situation are far darker than they are. All I can do is self-insert, and I'm quite different from others in some ways.

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>>37200211
Each and every time I know I'm going to have a discussion with someone, I go through different scenarios, paths of discussion, what I'll say or probably have to say, what they're likely to say and behave like, etc. Essentially just simulate the entire thing in my mind as best I can. People are a lot nicer and less challenging in reality than in my mind.
I also do it for hypothetical scenarios that still might occur, though I've hardly done it recently, since I've been mostly isolated for over a year now, with just the occasional visit to some official or doctor.

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>>37200293
>Shit you're completely right. I just read about it here

Please stick around, so you can tell my doubters that I actually know my shit, and, mostly, so we can continue working together to get you to a better place.

There's a shitload you're about to discover, and you're better armed if you aren't alone in this.

I'll drop my usual resources.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

Make sure there's nothing wrong in your childhood, and make sure to know that abuse need not be physical at all. I know some cases of mental abuse that were much, much worse than sexual abuse, and it wasn't obvious either. It incapacitated people on such a level that nobody connected the two.

You will heal, don't worry. You're a strong person, you're still here, you're a survivor.

Stick around and things will improve. We can become your family. You'll always get support here.

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>>37200275
That seems fairly accurate

>>37200315
>I am incapable of conversation

Ask questions, get interested, ask more questions about what you were told, listen, smile when appropriate, look people in the eye much of the time but not all the time.

Relationships come once you can do this.

I'm sure your music isn't that bad.

>>37200084
I don't know what to say.
>>37200173
>chicken
Too much work for next to nothing to eat. Raising chickens for meat to eat mostly turned me off chicken.
>>37200184
You'll be able to handle this. A little more work is nothing conpared to what you've been through. A week or two adjusting and you'll be fine.
>>37200211
How often do you have inner conversations with a mental representation of other people and who features most prominently in these internal dialogues?
Depends on my mood really. Almost never do until my depression gets deep enough. Occasionally I see who I thought I could have been, happy with her by my side telling me "you weren't good enough" and "you'll never have her love and loyalty, so why haven't you killed yourself yet?" Other times I'll have conversations with little kid me, he askes things an 11 year old asks his future self. Am I having fun, have I gotten married like mommy and daddy did yet, am I a super cool game designer, stuff like that. And I have to disappoint kid me with how I turned out. Usually ends with little me saying "Imma grow up and be better than you!"
And then I wake up.

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>>37200322
>We don't want the generic bullshit where everyone is valuable and special. We know. We know our lives are shit. Which wouldn't necessarily be that of a big thing if we had a role or a place in society. But the way things are evolving, fewer and fewer people have a place in society
I'm going to project my own experiences a bit and say this is mostly caused by depression. Soon as you get your mind even a bit out of whack, you're likely to find at least some sort of self-value, a wish and need to exist and thrive. The human brain's a piece of shit like that. It'll strip you off everything valuable at your core and leave you hollow and feeling worthless.

>>37200382
Ever heard of Schizoid personality disorder?

>>37200322
>I don't think people are entitled

Nor do I, but I do believe there's potential in you. Based on what I see of you.

>are you the one who wants to be a psychology student?

Yes. I might take up studying again this summer. Got a bunch of masters back in 2009.

>I don't believe in life having inherit value.

Inherent value comes from whether you're enjoying it or not. You'll have a very different point of view once you enjoy life the way you should.

>I don't believe that everybody is better off living. I don't believe everyone can fit in with some work

Some people are better off dead, but since we're all heading that way, there's no need to ponder that one for too long. As to being fit for work, anyone can do many of the basic jobs life has to offer. Some countries even specifically hire people with difficulties because they get bonuses for doing so.

>If you are the person who wants a degree in psychology, then know that some of us can see through the happy lucky bullshit some of you live by.

I don't see the connection. Who is "some of you"? What's happy lucky?

>We don't want the generic bullshit where everyone is valuable and special.

You're not special enough to dictate what you should get to get better. Main point being: you won't heal for as long as you think you're a piece of shit, and that's a fact. Self-esteem is necessary to function, like fuel to a car.

>>37200322
>We don't want feelings, we want facts. We want facts that tell us we are valuable, but they don't exist

Well, there are facts that make you valuable but they're much less important than some other facts.

Stop speaking in "we", I don't know who you speak for.

>>37200434

maybe. we still need something solid to get out, though. Sometimes I just wish there was someone who'd force themselves through it all and tell me I have value, someone who could see through it all and still see me worthwhile

>>37200382

Unusual results, but interesting. See what the other anon suggests. Schizoid.

>>37200213
My past influences how I see myself, obviously. Dysphoria is different, though. I have trauma-related self-image problems, but they're not about gender.

Anyway, I appreciate your concern, but I know what I'm doing. If you can't trust me for whatever reason, at least trust the psychiatrists backing my decision.

>>37200597

Did your psychiatrist try medication to get your brain to adapt to your body before suggesting operations?

I know there's way more money to be made from operating than from medication, but I hope you've tried that route before. I know women who medicated their brains to feel like women and it worked.

>>37200211
I have mental conversations with some sort of imaginary "friend" I nicknamed Ghost, because he's obviously not real. It happens every other day, something like that. It's some sort of embodiment of a calming and quiet influence on my brain.

>>37200583
>we still need something solid to get out, though
May I suggest a healthy anger and hostile attitude towards your depression? Combined with the usual exercise, daily routines, healthy diet and sleep schedule, with possible therapy.
Get rid of "zero" days. Days that you don't do anything constructive on.

>>37200459
Yeah. There are a number of disorders that I fit some or many of the criteria for, but am completely opposite much of the other criteria involved in them.
For instance, while I tend to be very emotionally distant with most people, it's generally because I simply prefer to keep it that way, not because I'm incapable.
I do have trouble with empathy, but not sympathy. When something doesn't bother me but bothers other people (or vice versa) that generally results in a bit of a disconnect that causes me to get worked up or stressed.

>>37200534

Like everybody would feel joy doing basic shit work. Oh wow, I'm lifting this box from one shelf and move it to another, I feel fucking special. Oh and the people who hired me feel fucking special for being nice to retards.

>You're not special enough to dictate what you should get to get better

I know I'm not fucking special. Where is the difference between being a piece of shit and thinking you're a piece of shit?

>>37200550

Sorry about that, I was being retarded

I guess I'll add that I know I'm a fucking retard who doesn't deserve to live and my problems are retarded and shallow. I was just wondering if here existed a perspective that countered mine, but I think maybe not. Maybe retarded fucktards like myself are really just a plague

>>37200646
Nope, never heard of that. Sounds fishy to me, wouldn't transition be obsolete if meds like that existed?

>>37200799
>Like everybody would feel joy doing basic shit work.

When you're out of depression, most things actually feel good to do, because you feel great. Compared to depression, it's like being on heroin constantly (not that I'd know what that feels).

>>37200799
>Where is the difference between being a piece of shit and thinking you're a piece of shit?

The difference is that thinking it doesn't make you one.

>I guess I'll add that I know I'm a fucking retard who doesn't deserve to live and my problems are retarded and shallow. I was just wondering if here existed a perspective that countered mine, but I think maybe not. Maybe retarded fucktards like myself are really just a plague

Your problems are very serious from what I can see. There's a lot that can be done, if you're with me on this. Start by actually changing your name as I asked you, and promise to stop shitting on yourself from now on. You must not act like it's a normal thing to do, and I will not accept it. We need healthy boundaries right away. Can you do that?

>>37200381
Well Nick you certainly know your stuff. All of this is accurate. I had a miserable childhood. Bullied in school. I was abused physically by my father and never felt loved, and my family was always very distant. I hate my family. Do you think my ex has BPD? She was crazy man.

I really appreciate these threads you make. They make me feel less alone. I was so close to killing myself the other day. I just couldn't handle the anxiety and self loathing. I can't stop hating myself lately. I even stopped eating well and I'm a health junkie.I'm eating junk food for the first time in over 7 years. I just don't care about myself.

>>37200833
>Nope, never heard of that. Sounds fishy to me, wouldn't transition be obsolete if meds like that existed?

Obsolete? I'll let you be the judge:

>pill to make brain adapt to actual body gender: 50 bucks

>operations and hormones to transition: ????

Whichever makes the most money is not obsolete. I'm sure transitioning is more lucrative.

My personal belief is that people in your situation can be helped but are being abused for money. This is why I'm generally against transitioning. People end up depressed, butchered, and they often want to go back. It's a trick of the mind, it's not "who you really are".

I could be wrong, but that's my current belief.

>>37200459
>>37200752

Also I'm a very (non-sexually) physical person. I love shaking hands, hugging, kissing cheeks/foreheads, cuddling. And not just with my SO - pretty much anyone that's cool with it. But I recognize that most people aren't cool with it so I keep it in check.
I think my biggest flaw, in terms of personal skills, is that I think you can have sex without intimacy, and I have no problems "cheating" on people that I love very much and would do anything for, but if I were ever cheated on I think I would be pissed/devastated.

>>37200864
>Do you think my ex has BPD? She was crazy man.

It won't be hard to tell. I specialise in this shit. Your background made you ready to tolerate the abuse, for love. You learned to try and extract blood from a stone, love from the unloving. This is how you got your value as a person, so you were a perfect match for your abuser.

But that shit is over now. The new you is about to happen. It'll be fucking glorious, I can already tell you as much, because you aready show healthy signs (you don't miss her, for instance, that's way more than many can do, more than I can myself do).

You're going to be a champion soon, but for now, we need to tend to your many wounds. Use this thread as your new home. You'll get comfort, bandages, likeminded people, and you will enjoy other people's problems, as a way to put yours into perspective, find similarities, and helping others, yourself, will help you as well.

Give yourself time, do not hate yourself. Now is the time to heal yourself. Do little things for yourself. It's time to get your soul back. Be patient, but it will happen.

>>37200752
>There are a number of disorders that I fit some or many of the criteria for but am completely opposite much of the other criteria involved in them.
What are those?

>>37200887
Huh. You could've said that from the start, it would've saved us some time.

>>37200852

Okay, I changed my name

I used to have a job where I tried accepting it would be my future but I burned out. I can't promise not to shit on myself though. Setting boundaries is getting through to me though. Thouh though though

>>37200911
>and I have no problems "cheating" on people that I love very much and would do anything for, but if I were ever cheated on I think I would be pissed/devastated.

How do you reconcile the absence of symmetry there? Why would others feel any different than you do?

>>37200975

I couldn't, since I didn't know what you knew or didn't know. I'm sorry if I upset you.

>>37200999

Kek be praised, He has approved of your name!

It's fine, new boundaries will take some getting used to, but you've done a lot already.

Do you still have dreams, Cat?

I don't have a gf, what could possibly be wrong with me?

>>37201048

Fuck, I know you're being textbook and I'm still fooled by it. I'm so attention starved I'm letting it go

No, I don't have dreams or hopes. I'm intelligent, but autistic. My profile is pretty asymmetric. I can be very intelligent in some areas, but my autism makes me incapable to do anything

>>37201125
>I don't have a gf, what could possibly be wrong with me?

Probably nothing. What are your efforts to find a partner?

>>37201012
Don't know. It certainly makes me aware that there's a disconnect there, and that it's not a healthy way to think about it.
Since I've never been cheated on (at least, as far as I know), I can't say for sure how I'd react. I guess it would depend on the circumstances.

>>37201153
I'm mostly retarded though, I regret that post

>>37201153
>Fuck, I know you're being textbook

I'm not. I improvise this stuff. I'm a natural. I don't always know where I'm going with my questions.

Getting attention is part of the process, and remember, it's mutual. You never only receive attention, it goes both ways.

Let's see if you really have some kind of autism or not. I suspect you don't, but those "autistic" symptoms come from something else. Just my little bet for now.

Describe some autismo.

>>37200960
It makes sense. But I feel like I need to blame myself regardless of my childhood. I feel like I'm playing the victim here. Just because I had a shitty childhood I don't find it reasonable to justify being stupid enough to end with her. I don't know I just feel like I could have been smarter about this.

Do you guys actually have certificates or are you just memeing?

>>37201286
Sorry erased my name on accident.

>>37201286
>But I feel like I need to blame myself regardless of my childhood. I feel like I'm playing the victim here.

Playing? No. You've been abused more than you know now. You're not a victim anymore, you're a survivor, but you're not fully conscious of it; it will take time.

As to attachment: let's make it simple.

>be you
>be a child
>survival dictates that you must be loved by your parents
>do anything to be loved
>not being loved by parents, for a small humie, means death; it's evolution
>brain recognise parent patterns
>"this is who must love me"
>get to work, do everything to be loved
>no love
>keep trying

Much later.

>find bitch
>abusive behaviour, like parents
>brain goes "HOLY FUCK, IT'S MY TARGET, THIS IS WHAT I MUST EXTRACT LOVE FROM TO SURVIVE AND BE HAPPY"
>brain farts everywhere
>all abuse is accepted as it's seen as validating your love for her
>the abuse also tells your brain that it really is the right person, because it corresponds to a blueprint your brain knows from infancy

I made it short and simple, but I hope you get it.

The girl that I am madly in love with doesn't feel the same for me. She's autistic and doesn't really have romantic feelings for anyone. But she said that she likes me, whether it's romantic she doesn't know/ cant tell. When i've asked to take our relationship to a more romantic level, she's said that she would if there weren't circumstances preventing it. Yet there's nothing preventing us from being together. She could care less about her romantic life, but my (albeit barren) love life matters a lot to my happiness. I want nothing more than to be with her. What should i do? Do i move on or do i try to stck it out and get with her?

>>37201308
>just memeing?

We're all just memeing. Look at the shit advice I give, c'mon.

>>37201376

Take it slow and have fun with her, going on walks and such. If she really is some kind of machine, then don't get your hopes up. You need a soul to be loved by and to love.

>>37201382
Yeah no shit. Not sure if it was you but last time i posted here i got a "hmm interesting" and then was basically ignored

>>37201219

I understand people by simulating how they think and feel. I can't intuitively understand their facial expressions so I have to process everything consciously

I don't want to brag or come off as a special retard, but I can actually interpret and understand facial expression and body language when I can see it at a distance. When I'm stressed I do it poorly, but if I look at people at a distance I can simulate them quite well

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>>37201308
I don't have my papers just take this HURRY

Hey everyone! I just had a few beers and saw a woman through the window changing. Nice boobies.

And how are you all?

>>37201448
tfw you wrote that drunk and it's retarded

>>37201422
As far as her autism goes, she's far from a machine. She's know how i've felt about her for almost 5 months now. Honestly, i think we'd be perfect together. We both have crippling depression/ anxiety and we could find solace in each other. That is, I've already found solace in her. She doesn't understand the fact that she is the key to my happiness. She holds my heart in her hands. I want to make her aware of that, but i don't know how to do so.

>>37200211
this is what occupies my mind most of the time. at the moment it's mainly of a cute girl i talked to once and im hoping i'll get the chance to talk to again.

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>>37201469
Wishing I'd seen some boobies.

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>>37201434
> i got a "hmm interesting" and then was basically ignored

Hmmm interesting.

>>37201469
Yeah, not too bad. Pissed off that it's still sunny out past 9pm though.

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I have an obsession with being remembered and revered. I want attention, or more importantly, to be taken seriously. I want my art, paintings, drawings, to be as greatly admired as the recent sale of pic related for $110 Million (just a recent example, there are others). What makes these paintings worth so much?

One of my goals is to eventually be able to evoke such emotion to make my work worthy of remembering.

>>37201533
Forgot name, whoops.

>>37200968
Schizoid personality disorder, for instance:
> Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family
100% yes
> Almost always chooses solitary activities
100% yes
> Has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
Just the opposite. I'm a very sexual person.
> Takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
I take pleasure in a lot of activities, including a lack of activity
> Lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
Mostly true.
> Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
100% yes
> Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect (emotion)
Only because it's not worth the time/effort to open up to most people.

Antisocial Personality Disorder:
> Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
I enjoy stealing, recreational drug use, and there are definitely people I would love to physically harm if I knew it wouldn't lead to my arrest
> Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
100% yes
> Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
Mostly, yeah.
> Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
Only thing that stops me is not wanting to lose my job or go to jail
> Reckless disregard for safety of self or others
I disregard my own safety and the safety of those I deem unworthy of safety. But friends and loved ones I protect as much as possible
> Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
Yep.
> Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
If I don't care about them or think they deserve it I have no problem wronging people. Just not people I care about.

>>37201448

Consider the possibility that your simulation isn't very good. Oftentimes, these things remain rather unconscious, and can't quite be conscious.

I sometimes know what a person thinks and feels but can't always verbalise it or make it a concept. THE FEELS ARE TOO PURE!

Does the distance help because being close to someone stresses you out?

>>37201469
>the window

I wonder what kind of titty bar you go to, Dan.

>>37201512
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a KV and seeing her breasts was probably my happiest moment in the last few years.

>>37201479

Stop shitting on your posts, they're absolutely fine and interesting.

>>37201490

This scares me, if I am to be honest. Perfect misery isn't perfect.

If telling her isn't enough, nothing will be.

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>>37201577
I'm khv and haven't seen any breasts.

>>37201575
Man I was just going to the balcony to get a beer or five. So I bring my chair to the balcony, open a beer and as I look to the opposing building I see her standing there in a t-shirt. I thought to myself something like "Man, how should would it be if she took it off", but before I finished that thought, she did! And then her bra too!

This makes me feel happy, but also pathetic at the same time.

>>37201533
>What makes these paintings worth so much?

Very simple: financial value. This ass painting you're showing us, for instance, it can be sold for millions. Whoever bought it for 110 million knows that within a few years, or even before, he can sell it again for 115 million. Thus making 5 fucking million dollars for a mere exchange.

Get this: 5'000'000 bucks for buying and selling something. It doesn't matter what the art is, good or bad, it's the value of the object that matters here.

Don't think it's about art. People who like art buy artbooks that cost a few dozen bucks.

>>37201624
>"Man, how should would it be if she took it off"
Man I gotta stop drinking. I really do.

I meant "how sweet"

>>37201577
>my happiest moment in the last few years.

There's a fair chance she knew you were there and did it on purpose. Write down the time and see again tomorrow.

And next time it won't be a beer you bring to your balcony. But some kleenex, boy.

I'm jealous, you have a balcony.

>>37201564

Yes, my simulation can be quite fallible. It freaks me out. Going in blind is terrifying. I have some blind spots. I generally feel better when I have a mental advantage

Being close to people stresses me out, but it can also be my fetish. I don't want attention, but at the same time, I crave it

Intimacy gives me anxiety

>>37201624
>how should would

Coincidentally, howshoodwood is an ancient spell to make women show their breasts.

>>37201711

Let's dig there.

What scares you about intimacy? Tell me everything.

>>37198958
I think fell in love...
I can't think of aything different anymore.

I can't get shit done

>>37201370
Yeah it makes sense. My childhood was horrible. How do I control my suicidal thoughts?

>>37201597
I feel like there's maybe something i haven't done. I've just kept the "there has to be a way, dammit!" mentality for so long that i'm practically deluding myself. But when I've talked to her about moving on, she's said that she'd be really upset if i did so. I don't understand it in the slightest. And it's come up multiple times, all of which she's said that. Even if I do move on, shes become such a big part of my life that i don't think i can go back to being "just friends" with her. And even if i do i fear i'll just fall in love all over again.

>>37201741

Pray tell. Details and everything.

>>37201677
They always keep their venetian blinds open and the light on. The apartment she lives in I mean. You just notice it since even at night it's always shining. Also what you said, it's a nice thing to believe in, but let's be real here.

Also, balcony is pretty nice. I'm gonna get myself a fucking hammock to sleep in! Ain't no one gonna get me out of it. No one. It doesn't get much closer to perfection. Hammock, balcony and beer. Heaven.

Also this is kinda off-topic. Well, not kinda. It's way off the fucking topic.

>>37201605
I don't know what to tell you. It's not that different never seeing nothing and seeing a woman from distance once in your life.

>>37201751
>How do I control my suicidal thoughts?

Control your depression and anxiety levels. I would recommend spending time with people. Invite friends to restaurants, etc. Don't be alone. This thread can help with the loneliness; as you stick around, you get to know people here and you strengthen our network with your presence, so it's not like you'd be considered one way only. Any addition of solid members is seen as a great reward for everyone here. We all need support from each other.

Can you go out with a friend or two, to dinner?

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>>37201800
>It's not that different never seeing nothing and seeing a woman from distance once in your life.
>It's not that different being homeless and poor and being filthy rich
>It's not that different being a hideous mutant and supermodel Chad
t. man who saw tits

>>37201753
>But when I've talked to her about moving on, she's said that she'd be really upset if i did so.

Moving on, as in, going after another woman? Or moving on as in going further with this same woman?

>>37201800
>Also what you said, it's a nice thing to believe in, but let's be real here.

Oh, exhibitionists are real as fuck. If they keep their shit open and lit all the time, bingo.

>>37201800
>Hammock, balcony and beer. Heaven.

And tits.

I should get myself a hammock. I have a high beam from which I do pullups, but I could use it for a gigantic hammock too.

> It's way off the fucking topic.

Nope, you're Dan, you're the topic. Everything you say is on point.

>>37201855
moving on as in after another woman. As much as i would like to go further with her, she's said that she can't because of circumstances that don't exist. It's not her autism, because she's gone out with other guys before. So i don't know what she's talking about.

>>37201780
She asked me first if we want to do someting.
We met ourselfs a couple of times about 3 times now there was a 2 week break and she kind of spammed me and than i asked her if she wants to say someting.

She than replied with I love you and we should do something together again.
I will met her on friday again.

But i don't know after some days she send me a message that she loves me and that i'm her best friend.

I think i landed in the friendzone.

She knows i have feelings for her but she still met herself with me, when i asked her if she wants more she said we should wait because it is complicated and that she has trust issues.
She also hates herself.

She also has depressiona and i found out that she is in a very very bad condidtion at the moment.
I stalked her secret instagram account where she kind of has a diary.
She has suicide thoughts at the momen and i don't know if i should ask her if she wants to talk about something.

I have a feeling that she only meets me because i make her smile.
I don't want her to have bad feelings when she meets me but i don't know

Sorry that i write like an idiot my mind is so unclear at the moment.

>>37201734

well, I'm a retard at heart.

I guess I was never accepted for who I am by anyone. Intimacy means someone looks into my soul. And if they do, they should feel disgusted

I have so many flaws, if someone can see me, they should be able to see the horrible me as well. The part of me that would be better off dead

>>37201846
Let's say that a KV who never saw breasts is 0

A KV who saw breasts once is 1 * 10^(-99)

It's not zero, but it's so close to it might as well be.

>>37201916
>she can't because of circumstances that don't exist.

Explain this. If she's been abused, intimacy might prove very difficult for her. What's her exact explanation to you?

>>37201942
t. man who saw breasts
You do realise I'm being facetious, right?

>>37201952
She's been abused in the past by her father, but she's never had a problem with intimacy. She's gone out with and had sex with a couple other guys that she was very intimate with. she never gave me an exact explanation. this whole thing makes me wanna put a bullet through my skull

>>37201929
>I have a feeling that she only meets me because i make her smile.

Friend, this is possibly the best thing a human being can give another human being. Don't downplay it, it's huge.

Keep meeting her and making her smile. Prepare for emotional complications on her side. She will be confused, but you don't have to be. Be confident in what you want and how you care for her. Don't let her doubt affect you.

And go for it. Ask her out, be nice and earn her trust. Let her do first steps. Smile to her.

>>37201939
fuck I'm such a dependant retard. just kill me

>>37201939
>I guess I was never accepted for who I am by anyone. Intimacy means someone looks into my soul. And if they do, they should feel disgusted

Profound answer. Untrue, but deep nonetheless. If I could look at you, I'd see all of that without more intimacy, and what I see now isn't disgusting at all, Cat Stevens.

You're way too hard on yourself and you don't realise that others won't be so hard on you. You have crazy standards for self worth; if everyone had the same, everyone would feel like shit and hate themselves.

Hey Nick one of the things that has been bothering me recently which i guess has to do with my social retardation is that i been feeling really depressed during the day

>>37201904
>Oh, exhibitionists are real as fuck. If they keep their shit open and lit all the time, bingo.
Yeah, it's good that my landlord doesn't know about that, otherwise my rent would go up.

>I should get myself a hammock. I have a high beam from which I do pullups, but I could use it for a gigantic hammock too.
Hammocks are fucking great. My grandmother had one, it was oldschool and so fucking comfy you wouldn't believe.

>Nope, you're Dan, you're the topic. Everything you say is on point.
;_; T-Thanks. I feel so warm near the dark bloody hole that I have where my heart should be.

>>37202004

Maybe she isn't into you? Just ask her.

>>37202048
>really depressed during the day

Does it get better at night? If so, what changes?

>>37201960
Well now I do. Sorry I haven't had enough to drink to get to my aggressive/sharp phase. Now I'm just dull and happy.

>>37202046
what if everyone is shit?

>>37202006
She once said to me that i'm the only person that makes her smile....

And sometimes we lose ourself looking each other in the eyes.

A lot of people told me that it is 100% clear that it could develop into something but everytime she says to me that i'm her best friend i kind of lose everything and feel bad.

>And go for it. Ask her out, be nice and earn her trust. Let her do first steps. Smile to her.

I'm scared that she will reject me once again if i ask her.

>>37202065
>;_; T-Thanks. I feel so warm near the dark bloody hole that I have where my heart should be.

I have your heart, don't worry. I'll give it to you when you've prepared a home for it.

That hammock talk reminded me of when LO and bought an inflatable easy chair of sorts. I watched a few documentaries with her in it. It must have been around a year ago exactly now.

I feel terror when I think those moments are never coming back and both she and I will die. As in, from the last time we held each other at the airport, to our deaths, we'll never be together again. I can't handle that thought.

>>37202065
Hammocks are the best. What climate/latitude/whatever do you live in?

>>37202116
>what if everyone is shit?

They're not. You'd be surprised, but you'll have to stop having crazy standards, both for yourself and for others. You can't shit on everything and expect a world of roses.

>>37202118

Then just be patient and continue doing things with her. Once she feels at ease, she'll make a move on you.

Oh hey Nick, I felt mortal dread for a second the other day, thought you'd be pleased. It came up - just death in general - and as usual I shrugged it off thinking it would be fine but then I had a snapshot of myself emaciated, my thoughts and senses dulled, wasting in a hospital bed as my grip on life loosened for the last time and I faded away, feeble and powerless. So that was nice.

>>37202076
She has to be at least somewhat into me, because we talk all the time. She's said that she has feelings for me, but she wasn't sure if they were "just friends" feelings or romantic feelings. I hope to God that they're romantic feelings and maybe her autism is making her not be able to express them and understand them fully. The only thing I want at this point is for her to love me like I love her.

>>37202151

maybe

sometimes I wish people would force that in my face. I'm so isolated and alone

>>37202085
No quite the opposite as i am alone thinking about all the shit of the day it usually gets worse. It's fun because when i wake up in the morning i feel fine then some things through the day can just make me feel like total shit.

>>37202196

Probably some leftovers from seeing the old lady at the hospital.

If you keep in shape, you won't waste away like that.

>>37202129
Central europe with moderate climate. Right now it's about 15C which is very comfy. But in winter it can easily be -20C which is ... not so comfy.

>>37202126
>I have your heart, don't worry. I'll give it to you when you've prepared a home for it.
;_;

About the rest. I don't know man. You told me often that is shit fucks itself up somehow, with women I mean, that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe the compatibility/chemistry wasn't as strong as it appeared.

Have you considered that it might be similar in this case? This is kinda asshole question, but it has to be asked.

>>37202199

Maybe she senses your fear and clinginess, and maybe she's scared to hurt you. Be cool, Owen. Let her come to you, don't stress her out, don't ask her questions about this anymore. You already know she has feelings for you, be confident in this and play along.

sometimes I just want that one feel to hit home

>>37202200

That's what I'm here for!

Is there anyone you can take out to eat?

>>37202242

Easily modified moods, yes?

What makes them change?

>>37202323

it doesn't matter. just kill me

>>37202258
Yes I imagine you're right. I do need to get back in shape though. I've gone badly to seed.

>>37202282
>Have you considered that it might be similar in this case? This is kinda asshole question, but it has to be asked.

For some things it didn't work out, and I know why, but for most, it did, and that's why it hurts so much. Over the years, I came to love her like a family member, like my child of sorts. It was perhaps the wrong way to love someone, but it was a solid attachment, and still is.

I don't have enough experience to know what an idea relationships feels like.

>>37202367
>it doesn't matter. just kill me

I'll take that as a yes. Who's that person you could go eat with?

>>37202380
I'm just saying. Despite all that you said, you fucked it up. Maybe you just weren't compatible. For some goddamn reason that I wouldn't even try to guess if I wanted. You knew. Deep down. So it went to shit.

>>37202435

That's not how I analyse the situation. Me being compatible with anyone was part of the problem. That has changed now I think.

>>37202308
Thank you, Nick. For everything.

I've been so stressed and panicked that she could lose feelings for me that I haven't fully considered how she's feeling in all of this. I've been worried sick to the point where it's been extremely taxing on my mental state. I feared so much that I'd come out of this alone and heartbroken yet again.

But there's one more question I want to ask.
Do you think that, after all of this, I still have a chance of being with her? I've never been in love with a girl as much as I've been in love with her. I feel like that my life would be complete if we were finally together.

>>37201818
I...have no friends. Another reason why I stayed with my ex for so long. I didn't want to face the loneliness. Ironically enough now I just want to be alone and avoid people.

>>37202337
Well a lot of things, it can be from remembering stuff even seeing my friends or hearing talk about whatever social event or their relationships, normal stuff in general just makes me remember that i am not "normal", people being assholes to me also generate a lot of anger(which usually leads to lets call them " almost homicidal" thoughts) and then sadness

>>37202389

why don't you just hate me, that would be easier

my best male friend would eat with me. We'd eat something retarded vegan because we dont want any living being to suffer.

As soon as I saw the dark wallpaper I knew Nick was hosting, sup boys?

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>>37202501
>Thank you, Nick. For everything.

Triggered. MFW.


>>37202501
>I've been so stressed and panicked that she could lose feelings for me that I haven't fully considered how she's feeling in all of this. I've been worried sick to the point where it's been extremely taxing on my mental state. I feared so much that I'd come out of this alone and heartbroken yet again.

Too much fear in there. Let it go, before it infects your relationship.

>Do you think that, after all of this, I still have a chance of being with her? I've never been in love with a girl as much as I've been in love with her. I feel like that my life would be complete if we were finally together.

Yes. But what's more, you still have a chance with a million other women you'd love just as much, maybe even more. Being aware of this should help with your fear. It's a whole world of love out there. I know it's impossible to believe, but try.

>"Thank you for everything," is literally the last thing my LO told me at the airport. I get Vietnam flashbacks whenever I hear the phrase, but don't worry, I'm fine. I am.

>>37198958
Hey everyone. I'm not sure I'm ready to share yet, I'm feeling depressed like shit, but I'm glad this thread exists, I'll be at least reading you guys

>>37202529

You could have dinner with us. Just make yourself something nice and post pics.

>>37202554
>why don't you just hate me, that would be easier

I think there are a lot of people I've had connections with who could have said this too.

I don't hate easily.

Contact your best friend and go grab some homo salad together. Do it!

>>37202575
>As soon as I saw the dark wallpaper

WORDS OF WHITE LIGHT AGAINST A BACKGROUND OF DEEP, DARK DESPAIR!

That's how I imagine my posts. Kidding.

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>>37202618

Make yourself at home. Your own pace, your own rules.

Your presence is noted and appreciated.

>>37202623
y-you guys would care? That feels... new but good. I'll do it when I'm hungry.

>>37202697
I was here for the 1st time on Saturday I think, and it helped. I hope I can get through this monday again thanks to you guys

When lack of motivation is psychological or physical? I seem more unmotivated than in my younger years, more apathetic of the idea of gaining knowledge through research or experimental and extensive practice, less aggressive and determinated too. It's even trampling my vocation and religious duties which I partake for. I'm more addicted to vanilla porn than I ever been. I'm pretty conscious of this and I've brought solutions for that, just venting out this shit. Thanks, robots.

>>37202656

sometimes people feel good because a limited connection with someone felt meaningful

whether I have a good time with someone i know doesn-t matter. I need more than that

>>37202784
>y-you guys would care?

Being the Dungeon Master of this thread, I can guarantee that not only would people care, but it'd be a shitload of fun.

I suspect some anons would share their own meals with you as well. Therapy dinner, we'd call it.

If it feels good, go for it. Your instincts are functional, you only need to trust them, use them, and get what you need.

>>37202791

This thread is a walking miracle. I'm glad you're here and got real help. Keep coming!

>>37202833
I'm such an entitled fuck. Just kill me

>>37202613
Your words have helped me out more than anyone else has, I want you to know that. You've made me feel a lot less alone. Hell, we might even cross paths here once this whole thing has ended.

But it's thanks to your help that Alyssa and I may end up together. And I have you to truly thank for that.

>>37202821

Experience sometimes shows us that we take things very seriously when we're younger, and less later on. This can be good or bad. Sometimes you just get tired. Sometimes you grow and your preferences change, so when your life is the same, but you've changed, you become disatisfied.

Maybe you need big changes in your life.

>>37202833
>I need more than that

What do you need?

>>37202873

Nuh uh! We said not to shitpost your own posts!

>>37202784
Hell yeah I'd care. I'm sure that most of everyone else here would too.

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Pull up in yo momma.

File: I'll be leaving now.jpg (155KB, 959x540px) Image search: [Google]

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I'm going to duck out for tonight. See you all next time.

>>37202899

Thank you very much for this.

Alyssa is a great name. My ex fiancee and I had a bunch of names for our daughter, all starting with A, oddly enough. We won't have children now.

>>37202911

That was me, dropped trip.

>>37202933
But I would also care, dinner is interesting. Might make something and share a photo too, if you do it in the next thread. Welcome, by the way.

>>37202962

Good night, Facman!

>>37202962
See you Facet, thanks again

>>37202966
This might be random, nut how often do you run this kind of thread? I'd always be willing to help out and participate.

>>37202932
I'm sorry, my needs are probably beyond r9k.
I'm so fucking needy for attention, it's disgusting

I just want to be an independent person who needs no external validation

>>37202613
>Yes. But what's more, you still have a chance with a million other women you'd love just as much, maybe even more. Being aware of this should help with your fear. It's a whole world of love out there. I know it's impossible to believe, but try.


Not that guy, but dealing with something similar. Any tips to get out of the mindset I'm having where fucking up with this girl is fucking up everything for ever?

>>37203118
>This might be random, nut how often do you run this kind of thread? I'd always be willing to help out and participate.

Daily. If I don't open it, one of ours will. Usually called "Psychological Support" or something similar.

Have some archives.

1 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35498409/
2 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35521806/
3 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35541735/
4 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35547290/
5 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35567230/
6 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35668421/
7 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35689780/
8 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35716442/
9 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35740738/
10 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35763440/
11 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35777773/
12 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35803625/
13 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35835561/
14 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35855848/
15 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35876435/
16 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35882457/
17 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35906378/
18 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35926221/
19 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35945942/
20 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35971403/
21 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35994443/
22 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36019645/
23 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36040635/
24 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36089774/
25 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36093480/

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My parents finally said I could get a dog.

We are getting a Samoyed. Also I am moving out pretty soon so it's all good.

>>37203130
At least you recognize it. That's the first step.

>>37203130

Everybody needs to exist. Don't feel bad about your need for attention. Everyone has it, but not everyone was made to feel bad for it. I was and you were. Now you have to learn that what you feel you need is OK to want. Trust your instincts.

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That's bad, that's really bad. But not unexpected. I already have to drive a little extra to have myself together (i.e. Not crying) before getting home or to work. I've never even thought of suicide before but I actually do now. I'm not going to, that's not who I am and way to many people would be screwed up by it (family including kids) but it's certainly different to even contemplate it. I've been depressed before, it's hereditary, but this is a really bad one with seriously no happiness on the horizon because everything in my life except the kids is absolute crap.

>>37203185
thanks. I hate myself. I have two cute cats tho

>>37203144
>Any tips to get out of the mindset I'm having where fucking up with this girl is fucking up everything for ever?

Not sure I could give you tips with a straight face on this. But I can try.

Humans have evolved to get together and experience love. It won't always happen right away, but it's a process, and it will happen a lot, given the chance. Consider the odds that you met this one person. Now realise that if it happened at all, it can happen again, and a lot more. Love is a process. It's not the end, it's the beginning.

Now I just to reread this shit and convince myself because I'd need the same exact advice. Ah.

>>37203184

Winner of the positive post for thread #67!

>cute ass dog

>>37203210
>I've been depressed before, it's hereditary,

Possibly, but not genetically.

I have the same experience with driving. Had to stay in the car some extra time before work (I can walk home crying since there's no one there anymore).

Did anything trigger your current condition?

>>37203130
Well this could be a start

>>37203210
Has anything happened recently that could be related?

>>37203262
Thank you.
I take pride in my file names C:

>>37203317
>Has anything happened recently that could be related?

You learn fast.

>>37203303
>Did anything trigger your current condition?

>>37203193

it's not ok. it's fucking disgusting. the need for attention is artificial

my instincts are shit

41 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36464463/
42 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36497331/
43 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36520550/
44 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36546008/
45 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36566894/
46 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36593662/
47 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36620323/
Bar Session - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36644294/
48 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36664702/
49 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36697612/
50 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36721283/
51 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36745035/
52 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36773599/
53 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36794358/
54 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36814374/
55 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36842342/
56 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36869693/
57 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36889638/
58 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36917996/
59 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36947320/
60 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36967412/
61 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36987179/
62 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37015031/
63 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37040728/
64 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37085943/
65 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37105759/
66 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37130800/
Psychological Support - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37154739/
Psychological Support - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/37171552/

>>37203443
>it's not ok. it's fucking disgusting. the need for attention is artificial

It's not artificial, it's natural. What's more, people don't automatically dislike that need in you. If nobody wanted attention, nobody would post, nothing would happen, it'd be shit.

It's not disgusting, it's necessary, natural, and welcome.

Your instincts are good, but the way you think about them is wrong,

You are a man who lusts after a female shape and wonder what is wrong with him, when nothing is wrong whatsoever.

>>37203193
fuck off instinct slave

>>37203499
>fuck off instinct slave

Is anger your instinct?

Using one's instincts isn't the same as being a slave to them. Much of what you need is explained to you by your body, if you listen.

You may think that sexual needs are a trap, but that's only failing to realise that it's necessary for your happiness: you evolved to do this, and not doing it makes you sad.

>>37203486

or a female

your threads are probably helping people. I'm too cynical for this shit

Ok. I've just cried for the first time in maybe 15 years. It hasn't to do with the girl who triggered it. I'm feeling like shit shit shit shit. Should I go out instead of staying home alone'?

>>37203660
That usually helps when i am feeling sad

>>37203643
>I'm too cynical for this shit

It'll pass.

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>>37203184
>not getting a husky

>>37203660

If you can be with people, go, yes.

I have typical student problems but they're getting extreme. I've always had little interest in my course, but fear of failure/panic used to motivate me to work hard close to deadlines. Now I just distract myself and feel nothing. Even if an exam or a major deadline is in a few days I still study 1-2h a day.
I have no interests or hobbies, I'm a loner at uni, and I spend almost all my free time online doing boring things out of habit.
I don't have the time for gradual lifestyle changes because I need to study a lot right now.

>>37203717

I used to care when I was younger. At some point you accept it even though you wish someone would push through it

Sorry I wasted your time. if it makes you feel better I'm a neet retard who will never amount to anything. Also drunk

>>37203791

You didn't waste my time. It was very useful, and it will continue. Step by step. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Don't worry, it's a gradual process. You're very cynical and negative and pessimistic, but that will pass. Just stick around.

I must go to bed very soon, guys.

Other regulars will respond to you once I'm gone.

>>37203872

if you're that resilient/ patient you'd do well as a psychiatrist

Good night and good luck.

Hello everyone. Did I miss something?

>>37203925
>if you're that resilient/ patient

You ain't seen nothing yet.

Nighty!

>>37203369
It's been building. Im an aspie so the need for a friend is super strong and I've been looking for one for pretty much my whole life. My husband has always been my best friend but I need someone who isn't related to me to talk to and have fun with too. After 15 years, I finally developed a friendship with a coworker. Problem is, he's a guy. Aspie robot too but a guy nonetheless. It Wasn't an issue for the first year of our friendship, but six months ago husband started getting jealous. He's not trying to be a jerk, and tried to keep it in check but it's just how he feels. As of yesterday, I had to totally cut off the only friend I've had my entire adult life because neither of us want to make my husband feel this way. It's devastating, especially for an aspie. It's like I found the one thing I always wanted and it was taken away for no good reason. Let's just say I'm not dealing well.

>>37204117

Chances are, if you had gone on with the coworker, it would have blossomed into something else.

>>37202656
>homo salad
so a salad?
>>37204045
Can I get your take on the last part of this:
>>37200432
meta asked then disappeared. Is this kind of thing normal?

Yeah. Doesn't help that my place of work is run by a lying dipshit. Unfortunately it's a monopoly and I need to work there, or move over six hours away, in order to progress in my industry. I've gotten to the point where I'm basically a drone gong through the day making sure the absolute necessities are getting done. While trying to hide the constant tears from everyone.

I'm the type who was so obsessed with religion that having a family was the most important thing and I did remain a virgin until marriage. Married someone whom I enjoy as a friend and love but I knew it wasn't quite right and tried to call it off before the wedding. He talked me back into it and I've always held hope that those stories if couples who get all lovey dovey as they get older are true. It hasn't happened to me though. He's an absolutely wonderful guy and I just wish I could love him like he deserves.

But, again, my one and only friend. I'm going back to basically being a house slave with no outside life that isn't approved.

Thank you for hosting today. I needed this.

>>37204347
>But, again, my one and only friend. I'm going back to basically being a house slave with no outside life that isn't approved.
>isn't approved
What? I'm an extremely jealous person bu nature, but I never told an ex who they could and couldn't see/talk to. What the actual fuck?

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Well this thread is dead. Fucking work, keeping me away when these threads starts getting busy.

>>37204971
I'm still there pal. And I wasn't working heheheheh

>>37204988
Hey Frenchy how's life?

>>37205104
Just got back from an evening spent with a friend of mine. It was nice listening to her and her past.

What about you? Wageslaving?

I will this summer :c

>>37205125
I was only paid 6-11. 1-6 was unpaid internship. Don't remind me about summer, will be working TWO jobs and unpaid internship.

>>37205181
B-but you'll get experience on your resume haha! We bosses are so nice and everything :)

>>37205194
Luckily if I don't have a major fuckup I'll be there paid full-time in August. Just have to make ends until then.

>>37205223
That's already that. At least you aren't a neet, or doing nothing of your life

>>37205240
>doing nothing with my life
Might as well be. I just do as I'm told anymore. Haven't had aspirations since November 17, when the rug was pulled out from under my future.

>>37205274
I'm sure you still can bounce back. Aren't you right now, in a way?

>>37205289
I'm just going through the motions expected of me. Don't have anything to live for, but I already know I'm too much a bitch to pull the trigger. So I'll just keep on suffering.

>>37205394
Rationally speaking, you still have ways to try to solve your problem.

Pulling the trigger will cut these options, making anything possible to solve.

I'm not even trying to meme you into the whole "life will get better :)".

>>37205431
To solve those problems I need therapy, which takes a boatload of cash because burgerland. To make enough money for that I have to pay off student loans, which means shitty unpaid internship while also working elsewhere for money because I need a good-paying job. And I'm not gonna an hero, already tried that once and couldn't even do that right. I'm just put here for the sole purpose of suffering.

>>37205496
Can't say the odds are in your favor, but that doesn't mean you can't find a way.

Ah well. That's why we all are here anyway. I'm at least glad I don't have a student debt.

>>37205531
College is a fucking meme. Spent half a fucking decade (and ~$20k) on a piece of paper, didn't learn a damn thing. If I could do it over, I'd be a machinist making $13-$15/hour here in the time it took me to waste $20k.

>>37205583
Statistically, at least in France, the higher your degree is, the less subjected to unemployement you will be.

Besides, any high paying job and any interesting one requires a high level degree.

So even if you have a debt, I doubt your degree is a waste of paper.

>>37205635
Just incidental, but met a bum when I was in D.C. who had a doctorate. Don't remember what for, but degrees are worthless in the States. If you don't know and/or are related to someone that paper is only worth wiping your ass. Fucking "college and debt will get you a good job" meme that was forced on my generation throughout the entirety of state-sponsored education. Ansolutely fucking subversive.

>>37205730
Of course a degree itself isn't going to get you a job, it's your decision.

It's not because you are armed to the teeth that you will win. You just are better armed than someone without a degree.

In France, 1/8 of people on the streets went to uni. However, it doesn't say if they dropped out, or graduated. Besides, a lot of people on the streets do have mental illnesses, and I forgot the stats here.

So yeah, even if incidental, it still is taken in the general stats.

Even in France I know some people that goes about how school did nothing, and that degrees are worthless. But the truth isn't there, and what they say is just against reality.

However, I believe what you're talking about is not the whole degree, the problem may be deeper. And talking about your degree may just be a way to vent.

But I have blunted feelings, and cannot really understand feelings of others on that regard. That's also why I get back on rational argument, the only thing I can do well.

>>37205835
The point of degree being worthless ia I've spent years on a bachelors of IT. If I'd done a year in trade school and got a machining certification, my STARTING pay would've been higher then what I'll make in my field with a 4-year degree. That's what I mean by worthless. I've paid a shitload to make less money and have a huge debt. And NOBODY is telling kids not to do this because greedy fucking -bergs at the top can't let their easy money flow just stop.

>>37205990
However, if you have to work for 40 years, you'd prefer doing something you don't want to kill yourself over each day, right?

That's also why picking studies you enjoy is important. And why money isn't the only thing to take into consideration.

>>37206025
>you'd prefer doing something you don't want to kill yourself over each day, right?
Wait you can NOT want yourself to end? I honesty can't remember what that's like without different pain.

>>37206089
Well, if you're depressed, you can do something that alleviates the want to kill yourself :^)

That's still an improvement. I can't work with kids for instance.

Terrorist attack. Just wondering if my brother might be dead. It would be better if he were not, but I would carry on regardless. I'm not a big believer in sitting on one's hands when the worst happens. This is in reference to the terrorist attack in the UK, which took place directly over a train station that he would have passed through. It's probably fine, but not certainly. Haven't been able to contact him yet.

>>37206157
Hope he's alright. I really do.

>>37206117
>Well, if you're depressed, you can do something that alleviates the want to kill yourself :^)
Like what? Living is suffering, but I'm not strong enough to make myself stop living.
>That's still an improvement. I can't work with kids for instance.
Kids are awful to work with. Even worse is seeing living things that ENJOY living. I want kids to stay kids forever, innocent of how badly the world sucks.

Ill link you to this from earlier in the thread, tell me if this last paragraph is normal:
>>37200432

>>37206157
I hope the dirty sandniggers didn't kill your brother. We should've wiped them all out long ago, but its too late now.

>>37206226
What is supposed to be normal though?

Depression is a bitch, and you don't have money huehuehuehue

>>37206221
Thank you Frenchy, it's a mess it really is. 20+ confirmed dead most of whom are under 18. My brother is the only member of my family whom I get on with so it would be a real shame.

>>37206253
Yes, well. I hope not as well. I think that I would have to think carefully about the way forward if something happened to him.

>>37206286
If they killed my family there'd be only one way forward.

>>37206258
I don't even know anymore. The only memories I have I'm either depressed, or they fill me with rage and feels over betrayal. Fucking why Lora? Why wasn't I enough for you?

>>37206317
Whatever that way forward was, I imagine that you wouldn't go into much depth on 4chan about it.

>>37206317
The way out can only be in something you and I didn't try yet. That isn't an heroing that is.

Or at least be magnificient and do it taking some designated targets that are genuinely going to make the world better if dead :^) (targeting random people won't be a good way to do a bit of eugenism hehehhe)

>>37206356
>>37206362
If someone went after my family they wouldn't find a body, but they'd probably find traces of his/her blood in the garage. Advantages to owning enough butchering gear to handle an almost 2-ton animal.

hey guys, I'm too emotionally retarded to contribute, but wanted to let you know I'm reading

It's been 6 hours and you guys are still here.
Wow.

>>37206459
>too emotionally retarded

Considering I don't have any (or almost any), you still can contribute my fag. You just have to kinda know how to react in which situation, but it's rather obvious when you have seen it.

>>37206517
Nah, just two horus for me. I'm just lonely AND french :(

>>37206517
Hey Atlas sorry for disappearing earlier. Fucking work.
>>37206459
Hey Moe.

Just read about the attack...

Things are getting really messed up around here...

>>37206517
I'd have gone to bed but world events have summoned me back to 4chan. I won't be sleeping for a bit yet. I'm meant to be stopping at his house tomorrow and if he's dead I can sleep in.

kill self ? y/y

>>37206584
Hope your brother is safe and everything turns out allright...

>>37206612
don't. I'm getting muted for not being original in trying to keep u alive

>>37206675
Thanks m8, it's gallows humour of course. I'm concerned.

Well Im going to bed.
I'll probably be here tomorrow for a while sp see you later everyone.
Good night.

>>37206762
See you tomorrow Atlas.

>>37206707
Hope you told your brother something good last time you talked with him.

>>37206695
why not. im so tired. there literally is nothing for me. im a total fucking failure and id be better off dead

>>37206873
We were arranging to get together for a nice meal and a day out tomorrow.

>>37206914
See this >>37205431

You have been muted for 2 seconds because you tried to make a quick reply but the bot doesn't allow that.

I've got a complex personal issue, and I'd like some input.

To begin with, I have Dysthymia (Persistent Depression) with a mix of Apathy and Anhedonia, which means that I can't care about anything, or enjoy activities apart from eating and masturbation. It sucks, but it's a biological thing, and it'll most likely right itself some day. What really bothers me is the implication behind it: There is no deeper meaning behind the things I enjoy. My favorite albums sound like absolutely nothing to me now, and inspire no complex feels inside.

Because of this, I'm not sure I can embrace anything in the same way again. Art is beautiful because there's some feeling of importance behind it, like it's eternal in some way and it matters. But looking at it in my current state is like pulling back the curtain at the end of The Wizard of Oz: There's nothing there, and it's only the impression of grandeur that moves you.

Because of this, I feel lost. How do I experience another amazing moment when I know it's just a product of biology? How do I embrace life again when I lost three years of my youth for basically no reason? Part of me thinks that I just won't care when I come around to it, and that's probably true. It seems that the relationship between a person's happiness and their obsession with meaning in the world is inverse. If that's correct, then we're just slaves to our bodies, and there's nothing we can do.

I don't know, what do you think?

>>37206941
but it is a meme. not only is my life fucked im mentally fucked

>>37206966
I said rationally speaking. You don't bring an argument, just your feelings on it, albeit the calcul is pretty simple.

>>37206951
Your situation souns oddly close to mine. I'll just say that you separate the body and mind, which is actually something rather incorrect. You are your body, separating the two is just something we inherated from Descartes.

Besides that, with everything you've said, I can't really bring something meaningful.

>>37206951
>that I can't care about anything, or enjoy activities apart from eating and masturbation.
At least you can still enjoy masturbation. My ex even ruined THAT for me.
>I don't know what do you think?
That if you find the answer to enjoying life, you should share with me, and Nick, and everyone here.

>>37206936
I hope you still get to go with your brother Facet. Hopefully happy times are ahead for you.

>>37207032
Funny, I was actually reading Descartes earlier, but gave up because it wasn't terribly interesting. Regardless, our past experiences do go with us somehow, and it'll be difficult when I'm happy to accept it given it's just a lucky combination of things and has no end to it other than feeling good alone.
>>37207062
Are you anhedonic otherwise?

To be honest, it's not about how to enjoy life, but rather making sense of it. Enjoying life is actually quite simple to me right now: For me, it's just getting rid of anxiety and curing my depression. We are all animals at the end of it, so I really shouldn't be surprised that this can happen. The difficulty is that I feel some huge life lesson must have transferred to me due to my experiences, but I still haven't figured out what it is.

Perhaps it all boils down to "If you're happy, that's good; If not, sucks". Happy people can look back on their past and find a sense of importance in things where we don't see one. It may well just lie within the viewer, and all I need is patience.