/psychosis/

I'm still on neet bucks because of it too, although I have a little job in a protected work environment to give me a daily structure and some self worth. It's better than being full blown neet like I've been for years after my first psychosis though.

I still believe in aspects of my psychosis as being true, and can't accept the medical theory of "it's just too much dopamine in your brain lol". There's just so much more to it than that imho.

I've been in medschool once and know much about this illness from a psychological and medical point of view too, but having experienced it I just know that there's more truth to it than sane people think there is. I also know that this strikes most people as crazy talk and that it's probably no to sane and healthy thinking about these lines for me..

In this sense I feel trapped between two worlds, the sane one and the one of insanity, my old atheist world view and the new, let's call it, much more interesting one.

anyone out there that can relate?

What do you call "psychosis"??

What were your thoughts?

>>37153487
What's the medical reason for it? Just too much dopamine? Really??

>>37153915
A psychiatrist would call it hallucinations and delusions of reference and delusions of grandeur, probably.

I experienced it as mystical adventure, a profound spiritual experience.

It started with me living out the old saviour myth, hearing telepathic divine voices telling me I'm the chosen one to save humankind, then went on with the world having messages for me, everything started to become unreal and everything was related to me, reality started to break down and it felt like being the main character in my own virtual reality computer game.

People on tv would discuss how my day was, songs on the radio would be about my personal feelings and thoughts, graffities on the walls pointed me into the right direction to walk, clouds stones trees birds everything spoke to me to quide me on this mystical quest to awaken as new formed human to something more, to awaken whole reality to something more real.

Then it became even more abstract, but those parts are hard to translate into words, as they describe things beyond the realm of ordinary reason and understanding. I perceived them as divine happenings beyond the realms of earth, and it would result in me performing strange symbolic rituals.

Many paradoxical truths, abstract ones and very concrete ones were revealed to me back then, but I can't remember all of them. It felt like being in contact with the divine.

I know this was psychosis, on one hand, on the other, there is an underlying truth to it that's hard to pin down. Meh, I was hoping to discuss it with someone who's been trough something similar.

>>37154060
Sounds pretty cool, but I suppose it can't be too fun since it has real consequences after you sober up. Is there any drug with similar effects that won't make me a permanent retard like you?

>>37154104
not OP but with psychedelic/hallucinogenic drugs, it's a hit and miss whether you become fucked up permanently or not when you use it. However the best thing to do is to not take the drugs frequently, like only once every 2 months

>>37154104
This experience lasted for about three months straight until I got admitted to the mental hospital. I've been through it twice in my life too, so in total I have six months of being like this under my hood. I know of no drug who lasts this long, but to get an idea of how it is, you could try to drop shitloads of acid and shrooms every day for a few months, to get the general gist of it, I suppose, but that's only scratching the surface.

>>37154140
How did you end up in a hospital?

Both times.

And what makes you think the universe wasn't speaking to you? What makes you think you can't save the world?

>>37153932

It's the dogma

It's not actually what is going on. No one knows what is actually going on. That theory came about because drugs that block dopamine seem to make it better in some people with it (i.e. not everyone and not even always all that much better).

>>37154870
First time, my friends lured me into treatment, they said they wanted to meet me in front of the hospital and basically just took my hand and led me to the psychiatrists, I signed some papers and then I was committed.

Second time, I broke a window in my flat during one of my rituals, neighbours called the police thinking someone broke into my apartment, I struck them as insane and I was pretty much out of my mind at that point, and they got me hand cuffed and committed.

And for the second question, I don't know, I'm not sure if the universe wasn't speaking to me, I think it was. But how do I save the world? How should a single human being go about doing that, I'd love to, but how?

>>37154060

Some psychological theories posit that these grandiose reactions are the brain's way of counterbalancing nihilistic despair.

Probably bullshit but it certainly sounds like you became the center of your own epic fantasy.

>>37154967

>But how do I save the world? How should a single human being go about doing that, I'd love to, but how?

How do other people do it?

>>37153487
How hard was it to get neetbux? And do you make less than a certain specified amount? Going to apply soon

>>37155038
Well you can do only so little imho, as ordinary human at least.. if you manage to get really rich with a great product that people really need, like let's say bill gates and use your money to actually help people like he does you can really have an impact, but as ordinary guy, you can only do so little.

But I think that's okay too, I'm not against leading a normal life, but back then I was told that I would have a big impact on the world, and I'm not sure if I can believe that anymore.. still it was a nice fantasy.

>>37155082
Pretty hard man I'm a old fag and with 12 years of medical records from the military I had to see 2 examiners, 1 outright lied and made shit up "exagerated" I hope he does but you always get denied first time, also had to get a layer and ge got 3k of my back log pay so i got 97k back also had to see a judge took 2 years but now I'm getting 2.5k SSDI a month tax free

>>37155082
My psychiatrist filed the application, actually he filed the application and it just went from there, but it took about a year to actually get the bucks, but they payed it retrospectively, so I got a relatively big amount of cash right at the beginning.

I live in europe though, so it could be different for you if you live in the US. Also my little job in the protected work environment pay very little, and it gets substracted from the neet bucks, so I only get a little bit more in total than I would if I wouldn't work at all.

>>37155007
I have had grandiose fantasies as a way of coping with my meaningless existence all my life but I've never had a problem drawing the line between reality and imagination. Psychoanalysis is therefore bullshit. Schizophrenia has very real, chemical causes/effects.

>>37153319
I got put in a ward for 12 days I had a psychotic episode out of the blue when i was 19, all I remember was walking to work and mext thing I'm in a hospital, I guess I stopped in the middle of the intersection and pulled my penis out and was shaking it around screaming thank god there no cell phones to record me I didnt get charged cuz MH but cops said I scared people and was lucky I didnt get jailed for doing that

>>37155154
You got a lump sum of 100K? That's fucking insane. Going to hire an attorney if the first application gets denied

>>37155183
Burger here the states neetbux was brutal, they were like ya anon is ok to work "3.5 hours a day, with breaks for naps do to medication and he gets transportation to work, the enviroment has to be calm and quiet and he will need time off every week for doctors" like what the fuck kind of job is that let alone no one would hire me lol was gay as fuck

>>37155214
Ya all tax cree but keep in mind I was 30 when awarded and my first paid job into taxes was at 13 so more tax ya pay more you get in states, file but dont get frusterated they will deny you it just how it goes keep trying also if doctor who examine you fucks you over dont dwell on it like I did just talk to laywer and get reexamined

>>37155211
Why were you shaking your penis this sounds hilarious?

>>37155214
Also tons of people fake shit so they have to be hard or everyone would get it if you do actually need it I hope you get it man

>>37155320
I have no idea I don't remember anything at all the doctors said I had a psychotic episode honostly it scares me to this day I will have it happen again and not remember what I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fTVvqTk9lU

>believing the diagnostic Jew

>>37154060
Holy fuck anon your writing is spectacular

>>37155368
Have you had any other things happens? I would be in tears laughing if I saw some robot in the street shaking his dick around screaming

>>37155420
The last thing that happened to me was I thought gnomes were in my roof and I got put in a ward for 4 days that time, I used a shovel.and broke holes in it to get them out. I remember this and I still think sometimes that there were gnomes inside my attic.

>>37155211
You need to stay on your medications my man I'm sure next time you whip ya penis out it wont end well

>>37155473
Lmao gnomes are you fucking serious? Why would you even think they are real?

>>37154060
This happened to me too, although the jesus part was a little reduced (we're actually all saviors who are asleep, or something like that).

Did it end for you? I have the memory of it but I can't really feel it anymore. I let something in and now everything is going to shit and I don't know why. It's kind of like my world has become the opposite of what it used to be/yours. The "realer than reality" perceptions have been replaced with the madness of "reality"^2.

>>37155722
In the beginning of my psychosis I had the feeling that there were others like me out there, that I should go out there to seek them out and to gather them around me, so that we could awaken others to this new found way of perceiving reality. But later down the lane it was just me alone who was the chosen one..

It did only end partially for me. When I got on meds things returned to normal again. My world returned to the way it was before, but I was fundamentally changed and I still have my memories of those psychotic times.

In the beginning it was though, I was looking for concepts and words to communicate or to make sense of this experience, to me and to others. I couldn't work and went on disability, and spent way too much time dwelling on it I think, but maybe this time was also needed. Only after years of contemplation, or of recovery I could function again to the point of being able to work again and function again in this modern society.

Is seeing certain numbers on the clock and thinking it's an angelic sign a symptom of schizophrenia?

I don't believe in modern psychology bullshit, I'm just curious how a ''''''''''''''''professional'''''''''''''''' would diagnose me.

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>Fell in love with my best friend
>Obsessed with him, wanted us to kill ourselves with eachother in an act of love
>Convinced I had to murder a friend of his because she was hitting on him
>Convinced he wanted me to kill her in an act of love
>Didn't know where she lived or her name or anything about her so couldn't do it, but absolutely would have killed her if I could have
>Extreme paranoia about my friend abandoning me and stuff like that
>Saw reality melt in front of my eyes

That's a quick summary of my 10 day psychotic episode.

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Mine has been getting worse.
Can't get diagnosed, meds, or treatment, since I can't afford it.
I'm not getting any autism bux either because I can keep a job, even if It's just at the bare minimum.

Shit's weird, gets worse at night. I keep seeing this same shadow demon thing at the edge of my eye, and it just keeps talking to me.

It's so weird, it's not always weird stuff, it's sometimes just commenting on how I feel or what I'm thinking.

>>37153319
Psychosis here. Sometimes I think I'm god, or Satan, or Jesus

>>37153319
I'm diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, it's basically depression with psychosis

work related stress has been giving me some pretty serious hallucinations as of late

I think smoking marijuana got me started down the path to psychosis. I was getting thoughts beamed into my head about being a type of messiah, and everything was funny or significant or even divine, no matter how commonplace. I noticed some parallels between my experience and >>37154060 although I never came close to losing the plot and was always fine, except when I smoked weed with LSD, or whenever I used nitrous.

Really interesting to see the exchange and commonalities between religious experiences and psychotic experiences, especially firsthand.

>>37155877
There are others like you.

You and the other anon, there are others out there.

Taking the pills is literally taking the _____ pill.

>>37157623
See we have another one.

People who think they can help this world?... They can't have that.

Think about it.

Guys you can't let them trick you.
You have to strong like I know you are.
You be from your world but live in theirs.
There are others like you. We will find each other.
Until then do what you can to save the world.