Thoughts

>>37117986
Pleasure is just a certain level of certain chemicals in you're brain. Just do what I did and maintain a near-happy, apathetic state through drugs

>>37118044
Doesn't it bother you that that's all we have?

>>37117986
Just finished Erased about an hour ago, so glad I watched it. Went on my bed afterwards to stretch out my back and thought about how the next seven days and few months would go. I plan on dropping out of college, and my finals start tomorrow. I'm going to go to them, but I'm not studying, mainly because staying in my room all day is killing my back abdomen. My mother doesn't know I want to drop out, and I'm going to tell her when we pack up my stuff and head home. I'll let her think about it in the car if she needs to, it is a quite big change. I'm not scared, I just need to properly get my words set up, how I'm going to word my thoughts and reasons for dropping out. I need to convince her that I can't be here any more, whatever I say will be crucial. But, I have 6 days to finalize my thoughts, as I've been thinking this over for a whole month now.

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>>37117986
I am sitting here in the living room wondering where I went wrong in life. Everything is dull, nothing's fun anymore.

i just want my meds, I have been off of them for 3 weeks because of not being able to afford them and insurance crapped out on me. schizophrenia already sucks when you didnt know you had it but once you get a taste of the good life it feels even worse because you get to under stand how normal people think

I wish I had been born 10 years earlier

I took her back and I feel like it was a total mistake. We never dated but we were close and most of my experience with women was with her. She basically begged me to take her back and eventually I gave in. Now she hasn't texted me back in a few hours and i can't stop thinking about her now, this is exactly why I didnt wanna patch things up...she does care a lot about me though.

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I feel like I finally have some direction in my life

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>>37117986
Kek you sound like pic related, but fair enough

>Everything exists in a bimodal (or directional) equilibrium and if viewed through a lens of any one thing, the world can be immediately divided into positive and negative accordingly, let's take blue for example,
>If blue is the fundamental reality then what is blue is positive and what isn't is negative. One can also extrapolate a things conduciveness to the a priori value (again, blue) so for example a spotlight that emits blue could be silver in colour but its overall effect on the amount of blue in the world is (at least potentially) severely positive.
>If this rule applies to everything then there is no meaning or ultimate value in the universe, (not challenging Hume's fork just keep reading)
>Time however, doesn't give a shit. It is the only unidirectional force, there is no positive or negative equilibrium, time cannot slow, stop or reverse (in a single perspective).

>Consciousness of experience is the only phenomenon to which morality applies and apply it must.
>ANY morality or ethic is bounded by the limitations of embodied consciousness, therefore limitation is the antithesis of morality.
>The less limited you are, the more moral you can be and vice versa.
>Therefore the ultimate moral duty is to seek out limitation and overcome it.

>Time is both the universal value and the ultimate limitation.
>Given that omnipotence is unattainable, the next best thing is perfection, which is the negation of all possible limitation on the self.

CONCLUSION:
All properties of existence are bimodal with the exception of time, making it the ultimate reality to which conscious moral beings are limited by.
Limitation in every sense is what objects to transcendence - the highest moral goal, therefore overcoming limitation is the most superior ethic.

I hope this makes sense and isn't too idiosyncratic a jumbled mess

>>37119522
Kill yourself, normalfag. You don't belong here if you're not a virgin.

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The guy i like and have seen as my best friend for about 5 years now is completely ignoring me, without a single word at all. Going from a message or more a day to nothing but single words or a sentence that ignores a question i asked.

i just want to know about his day, i want to know if he's okay and if he ate that day. I love him and he's said the same to me before which makes it hurt more. i scare everyone that ever likes me away by being clingy and i know it, but i for the life of me can't fucking help it because people showing me such affection is extremely rare and it's the treasure i hold dearest to me. Those who don't get romantically involved with me soon come to hate me or bully me before they drop me, those who take interest in me lovingly/sexually break my heart either instantly or let my trust grow and grow and then butcher it.

I blame myself entirely though, i'm clingy and needy to lovers. To friends i'm probably just purely obnoxious to have around because i do enjoy attention quite a lot so i grab at it without thinking as if it's instinct.

I want to die, but why should i do such idiotic shit like that.

>>37119608
I'm 100% a virgin, never got all the way with her. I belong here anon

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>>37117986
I think im starting to lose most of my friends. I havent felt like talking to them in a while. They just fit in with a different croud now. Im not entirely sure as to how i feel about it, but i think its for the best. Ill be fine on my own.

I can really relate. Honestly nothing excites me anymore. I feel like there's absolutely nothing worth working towards because no matter what is going on in my life I feel hopelessly depressed

>>37119642
>having had lovers
>best friend
Normalfags need to stop shitting up the board.

>tfw can't make any useful future goals or get the motivation to decide on a career path because you don't think you'll make it much further

I think the thing that hurts me the most is the fact that all the people I know think I am a happy person.

My mother, my father, brother, friends, etc. all think I'm a little weird but happy with my life, and all I think of whenever I have more than 30 seconds to myself is how empty and sad I feel.
I hate everything about my own body, I look pathetic when compared to other men. I am short, ugly, and weak. My romantic life does not exist. I keep falling for women who are way out of my league (my league being no league at all).

The only thing I have going for myself is that I am somewhat smart when it comes to academics, and now to top it all off I feel myself getting dumber each passing month. I have nothing left to be proud of.

And the worst part is I can't even cry.

>>37119599
I've been reading a few of his essays lately, and it's stunning how accurately he sums up some of the flaws of humanity. I have The World As Will and Representation, and I also bought The Critique of Pure Reason which I'm reading through first to prepare myself. That's probably a lot of work for someone not interested to philosophy prior, but my motivation is more than high enough right now. The questions he poses feel so undeniably important that everything else in life is like a trifle in comparison.

There's this observational instinct inside of me that I've quelled for years on the basis that "Nothing in life is truly knowable" and all we have is random data where meaning is up to the interpreter, and there's nothing to life other than feeling good through various means. Even if reading philosophy won't help me figure out my path out, it's preferable to spending time around people I can't relate to (including here), and doing things I don't enjoy.

>>37119809
I was really hoping you would give me feedback on my thoughts...

>>37120100
My bad, thought you were quoting something I wouldn't understand. I'll take a gander at it though.

You're saying that there is no ultimate value because we have nothing but miscellaneous base values to judge things from, right? And since time is the only value that cannot be modified by other values, it becomes chief of them all? I think I comprehend that, but how this plays into morality is tricky. "Limitation" here implies something transcendent, but I can't figure out where ethics comes into that.

>>37117986

Found out the girl who left me three or four weeks ago for another guy got dumped a few days ago.
Got a sort of guilty pleasure out of it because I told her it would happen.
Checked in to see how she was doing.

She's been in most of my dreams lately and it bothers me when I'm in bed, but during the day I usually don't worry about it too much.

I feel like I have a shot with her again but I don't really know if I want it. I'm thinking about how weird it is that it hurt to have her go but it's not exciting to think I could have her back.

I think about the kind of person she is and how she handles her life and how bad I feel for her about it, and how I want to help her but don't know if trying again would be a good idea. It'd certainly be awkward for all our families and friends because of relationship conventions and the usual "don't take someone who left you for someone else back" rule.

TL;DR, Mulling over some things about relationships.

Also thinking I should read more.

>>37119717


If it means anything to you, I'm six feet tall, decent looking, and not entirely weak, and
still grovelling over one post-league woman that I had, but I also have only the draw of being reasonably academic, but still feel myself getting dumber every month and am proud of nothing, but can't cry despite losing a lot in a short period of time.
The catharsis of tears escapes me too, anon.

I have a significant chance of winding up homeless tomorrow when I have to tell my mom (who will tell the rest of the family) that the arranged marriage they've been setting me up for over the last 4 years isn't going to happen since nobody wants it and the girl has a boyfriend.

>>37120339
Yeah pretty much I'm right on the brink of putting some other ideas together to make more sense of morality dictated by time

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I'm 5'6, but pretty attractive other than that. This annoys me because I know that if I was just 4 or 5 inches taller my scope in women who would be interested in me would probably double or triple, especially since I'm in uni.

I'm just so deflated about the whole thing. I was never insecure about it until I started browsing this board, and now I think about my height every day.

Just a few inches. That's it. That's all it would take to elevate me to around an 8/10. I'm charismatic, got all As this semester, I'm a talented writer and filmmaker, but I'm fucking 5'6.

Fuck it.

I don't care about sex, validation, or status. It's impossible for me to be motivated.

>>37117986
I want to be happy

I want to be free of these mental shackles and I want to have a loving person to cuddle and I want to live in the forest and have real friends who actually like me and I want to put my feet in grass and small streams and rivers

I spent about 12 hours squirming and screaming into my pillow because a cold or something made me feel like I was punched directly in the heart. I can at least move and breathe now, but it was the worst shit I've ever felt and it came out of nowhere. I'm seriously thinking about quitting smoking.

>>37121333
>I'm 5'6" but attractive

Fuck you don't give me that shit. A couple inches won't make the polar difference you think it will. Manley meme is a fucking cop out. "I can't get girls I'm too short, guess I don't even have to try hah." :v)

>>37121531
Nonono, you misunderstand. I've gotten plenty of girls, but only ones shorter than me. I've been in a few relationships in the last 2 years, one lasted over a year, and the one after was a rebound with a hot chick with huge tits. I'm not a virgin.

What I'm saying is the issue is that my scope of available girls is limited, because I only go after girls shorter than me.

Now, I have no doubt in my mind that I could snag taller girls. I just don't want to, it's not my thing. I'm into shorter girls. Therefore, if I was a few inches taller then my range of selection would open up by a lot.

Does that make more sense?

>>37121404
You don't need to be motivated by sex, validation, or status. You could (and should) be motivated by yourself, by your own goals and how you want to better yourself. "Do I want to learn guitar?" if yes, then go do it! Who gives a shit about sex, validation, or status in that case?

What you said is just an excuse for your lack of motivation. You aren't on some "higher ground" for not caring about those things. You're just lazy.

tfw 5'8 and going out with a 4'10 girl

>it's another "anon lays in bed for 2 hours trying to sleep but can't because he keeps wondering where it all went wrong" episode

>>37121528
Lately I have also been having severe chest pain around my heart. It only happens when I drink a lot and lately all I want to do is come home and drink. There is nothing positive in my immediate and distant future. I just want it all to end at this point. It hurts so much just to go through a normal day of my life.

>>37121638
But how do you want those things to begin with? Different person, but I've never understood how people can just want things and have goals and the motivation and energy to pursue them.

>>37121662
Nice I'm 5'11 and I dream of having a short gf

>>37117986
I have my last college exam in less than 30min and I'm browsing on 4chan

>>37122314
>>37122314
Because I like listening to music featuring guitars, and would like to play those songs myself. I don't understand how you can NOT want anything. It doesn't make any sense.

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I'm thinking about this girl. I've written out the situation in a couple different threads so I won't repeat myself, but suffice it to say I like her a lot and she seems cool with at least trying to go out with me. She's far beyond my league, but she's a good friend.

Other than that, the weird rotten flesh taste from getting my wisdom teeth removed (and the accompanying jaw pain) is annoying as hell. I keep biting my cheek and poking at the socket with my tongue, which means more than likely dry socket is soon to follow.

I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire is stuck in my head. I don't even like Fallout 4, it's garbage.

>Place in life

Locationally? Heirarchally? Your place is wherever you currently are. Free will is an illusion, you have no true autonomy. You don't stop reading a book because you know there's a last page though.

I don't trust my friends.
I am afraid just like so many friends before they will just forget after school is over.
I trust this one guy. But even him I am afraid that he leaves me.

I want a permanent companionship, something that time can't destroy.

I have moved to many times. I got first dragged across the world to another country and then they dragged me to the other side of the country.

Now my parents are moving overseas in a year. I need to move out and get my shit together.

There is nothing to come back to in my origin nationality
There is nothing to come back to in my old state.
And there is nothing where I am currently

I need to stay strong and push through because that is the only way my life is going to get better.

Wish me luck.