Feels

>skinny balding asian manlet
>constantly gets rejected by qt girls
>no friends

>>37102325
Do you play vidya? Why do you think you keep getting rejected? Because of your looks?

Why would l not want to kill myself?

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i cant get aroused to the opposite sex.

>>37102284
Because I sometimes get tired of fighting against my existence itself.

>>37102356
So be gay? Unless you aren't attracted to the same sex either?

>>37102375
What's so wrong about your existence anon?

Wanting to kill yourself is easy mode. It means you can still feel.

>>37102387
It wants me to kill myself and be a dissociated, depressed piece of shit that wastes every bit of time I have on this earth.

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>>37102376
i dont want to be gay yet its what i get off to, the same sex. im screwed if a girl wants to have sex with me. i wouldint fuck a dude given the chance. is that weird?

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>turn 20
>no friends
>social anxiety

i know its two but the effort of trying to make friends only to drain myself completely and fail each time and the realization that im going to be alone for the rest of my life is daunting and scary

>>37102422
That's rough, whats going on in your life at the moment then? Same old shit?

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>>37102284

Her. She is my problem and at the same time my sanity. She's a problem since if she's not with me I'm lost and she's my sanity because she made me really happy, but now I think my life is over, there's no point henceforth without her. I won't be around here so much time, anyway.

poverty in the original sense

>>37102425
So you wan't a gf but are attracted to guys but don't want to fuck guys? That is quite the predicament. You ever been in a intimate situation with a girl?

>>37102472
Whats her name anon? How come you can't be with her?

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>>37102466
Sorry, but I keep most of my feels to myself.

>>37102425
Please be my bf.

We can hold hands and sleep in the same bed, but we fap to whatever on our own time.

>>37102498
Her name doesn't matter now, she's not with me anymore, so there's no point on tell that. All I have to say is that this what you get for try to find love on r9k. She's the only person I really loved/love and at this moment my life is broken, I won't love again, she was the last one and the first one too. Thanks for listening

>>37102517
Fair enough anon, not like you have anything to lose though. You never talk about your feels to anyone?

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>>37102487
no, never, ive only hang out and primarily talk to dudes. also i find almost everyone cute, men and women, it can be anything about them but its mostly the face / voice.

i havent got asked out by a girl since middleschool and they were both probably pranks since i was fat back then

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>>37102569
>You never talk about your feels to anyone?
Nope.

>>37102542
>find love on r9k.
Yeah that probably isn't the best of ideas, why'd you end up breaking up? And how long ago did you break up?

Loneliness, knowing that my ex is out there giving the kisses she promised me to other men.

Laziness, if I ever am forced to work or die, I'd choose death. I can't stand the thought of having to cut away my free time to get another job again. Living with no free time is not living.

Shame, I remember all of my past mistakes and how people have always looked at me with such disgust, as if I was ruining their lives by existing.

Rage, I sometimes fantasize about taking people with me, ending my shame and suffering while getting back at all of those who had it all and treat me as a door mat.

Boredom, A year of the same cycle, not working and living off of my Mother's hard-earned dime has driven me to boredom with having free time. I sometimes wish to die when my friend is too busy to come over to hang out.


Everyone is doing better, I'm such a fuckup. If I go back to work, I'll be overworked, disrespected, and paid a pittance. Living knowing I'm being betrayed RIGHT NOW is crushing my spirit. It has been years since I had her in my arms, but the need for love has never left me. I wish I had the care and work ethic to get a comfy job.

>>37102584
So why don't you try asking a girl out? Or going on tinder? See how it goes maybe the whole same sex thing is just a fap fetish you have and if your in an actual intimate situation with a girl you can get aroused.

>>37102608
Why not?
origiauwql

I'm a 20 year old virgin, societal reject who doesn't want to do anything except purchase guns that I can afford to shoot and play videos games that I can afford to buy a PC for.
I don't want to finish college because I don't handle soul crushing work and debt well. I have about 6k in debt that I keep dwindling down a little before I go buy something else because that is just about the only thing that makes me feel anything other than disdain for life.

At one point I wanted to live a middle class life. Now the extent of my plans is to save a few thousand, but land in butttuck Alaska and die from natural causes.
I stay alive for two reasons;
1)my parents/siblings
2)the hope that society comes crashing down and I have a day of retribution and a chance at actually starting over in a new world
Everyday though I have less and less motivation to stay alive, just a matter of time

>>37102622
What do you do in your free time anon?
origiaiw

>>37102702
>origiauwql
Why should I?

>>37102613
Me, It is my fault we were doing it fine until 4 days ago or so, she found out "something" about me and she wanted to leave. Yesterday.

Yeah, Myabe it is not, but one thing is sure, she was literally "made" for me in every possible way, not like my soulmate or something like that bc I don't think in those things, but this girl was/is the most similar girl to me I've ever met, you know it's sad now, time is being slow, things are losing their point, my life is broken, my heart hurts..so now all I'll do is isolate all I can and wait until I hit determinated age, and say goodbye forever.
Thanks for listening again, anon

>>37102763
Humans need that kind of shit man, we're social creatures. Everyone needs to share all the horrendous horrible shit going on in their head at some point. Or it just keeps festering.

I'm bored.
To death.

Original

>>37102746

Video games(Mostly Final Fantasy XIV right now)

Watch Youtube(Cave exploration, Full streams of new video games I can't afford)

I occasionally hang out with my friend. He and I cook a meal together and talk about video games.

>>37102713
Those "can"s are supposed to be "can't"s
Autocorrect is also a reason I want to die

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>>37102812
>Humans need that kind of shit man, we're social creatures
I'm far less so than the norm. Never felt the need to share my feels with any other person.
>Everyone needs to share all the horrendous horrible shit going on in their head at some point. Or it just keeps festering.
Maybe, but I can go through it and handle it on my own.

>>37102784
You don't think you can get her back in any way?
Sounds like she was a good gf. Must hurt a lot, you should try have a drink it helps the pain a bit. Just don't go over board.
It's okay anon anytime.

>>37102713
I feel you anon, Why are you in 6k debt? Maybe you should try finding something else that helps with the pain? Smoke some weed? Drink a little?

>>37102284
depersonalization, derealization, avoidant, depression, neet, no money

>>37102439
You'll just find friends through life anon or they'll find you. What do you do in your spare time? Play vidya?

>>37102861
Why don't you try going out with your friend? Do something outside? Save up and go cave exploring?

>>37103074
Definitely sounds interesting.
Maybe some day.

>>37102946
Yes, I think I have some bottle of whiskey somewhere in my house. I think it'll be the only way to stop this pain, see you

>>37103185
Later dude, take it easy. And don't send her any drunk texts that's a bad idea anon.
origiaiw

>>37103014
Sounds like you need some existentialism to figure out who you are anon, something will come.

>Two words: gender dysphoria.
>makes me want to die or wish i was never born

>>37102938
Bullshit, you probably need it more then everyone else. Besides it doesn't sound like your handling it great if you want to kill yourself anon.

>>37102938
The reason why you're like this is because you're denying sharing your feelings with others.

You are a human being, no other than anyone else on earth. You are no exception. There is no norm.

Humans are social creatures. You are a social creature.

The only way to get out of depression is to socialize. Otherwise, you'll fall into a spiral of loneliness and become more depressed, until you either die, go insane, or kill yourself.

>>37102425
you're just a nonbinary genderfluid genderqueer fuckingfaggotsexual

Life has no purpose.

I don't enjoy the things other people do.

>>37102284
Because i have clinical depression and like almost all sufferers from it its gotten worse with age and literally every pill tried has had crippling side effects so its "best" for me if i just go crutchless.

>>37103373
I have a lot of hobbies and I like to do a lot of things; but I agree with the first thing. I believe that life has no purpose either, so i keep asking myself what the point of living is?

I'm not really suicidal, but its a thought that sticks with me almost every day.

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>>37103306
>you probably need it more then everyone else
Maybe. Don't feel like it though. Never have.
>Besides it doesn't sound like your handling it great if you want to kill yourself anon.
Ups and downs. As I said >>37102375
>I sometimes get tired

>>37103322
>You are no exception. There is no norm.
If people were as asocial and disinterested in personal relationships as I am, mankind would have died out in Africa. Voluntary social isolation is an exception.
>Humans are social creatures. You are a social creature.
Of course, but I'm not nearly as social as the average person is.
>Otherwise, you'll fall into a spiral of loneliness
I have never in my life felt lonely. What does it feel like?

>>37102284
>bipolar
>family are all assholes
Most of my problems stem from those two problems

>>37103442
Do you know what loneliness is? It's unique for each of us. For me, loneliness feels like emptiness.

>>37102284
I had a pretty good year so far; getting stronger, got all A's on my first semester in college. Even went out with this girl, and she's absolutely something else.
Besides my parents bickering like children I just feel like things are going too good right now

>>37103534
make sure it only goes better anon. even if something goes wrong, step over it and keep on going

>>37102284
>Why do you want to kill yourself /r9k/?

no gf

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I don't have as nearly as much problems as you guys, hell I'm pretty well off as I am, but jesus the pain never fucking subsides ever. With all that's happened to me I know its due to my horribly autistic past that's made me into a reclusive neet, I mean I work but only twice a week and that's a fucking joke really. I don't want to do anything productive cause going back out there or even doing something I'm scared of embarrassing myself or people seeing how talent less I really am. I have friends but they aren't going through the same things I'm going through, they're all a lot more secure in their lives so I don't have anyone really to talk about stuff like this, worse part is though I'm sure they are suffering as much as I am, its just that they know how to cope with it. I have one friend though who's kinda going through the same trouble I am, hes coming back from spain to here for a bit, I just hope that with all the shit in our lives it hasn't made us more bitter. I am starting to bald at twenty tho and I'm still a retarded kid who doesn't hear or understand people well, also virgin. Worse part is that's my bad, I've had girls approach me before but I've been too thick to see or that I thought they were to ugly/trashy for me, I know In my heart I just wanted somebody perfect, I still do and that's never gonna happen. I think I deserve all this though, most part I've been nice to people but I have done some dickish things to people just to make myself feel superior for once, that and my shitty life decisions. In all honesty, I just want to be saved and just find a QT gf to feel important more than I want to die, but I am inching closer since I know that will never happen. I guess I could see a psychologist but I feel like I don't want to talk to somebody else who doesn't really give a personal shit about my problems and is only doing it for money.
I guess I'm gonna see how everything goes, if my whole life gets more pathetic, then I know its time.

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>>37103500
I have never felt lonely in my entire life. I have no friends, haven't had anyone worth calling that in a decade nor do I feel like making any. There's not a single person on my Steam friends list, despite having tens of thousands of hours in games. Socialization, beyond anonymous discussion like this, to me are a chore and an act and I'm absolutely content with being on my own.
Of course I'll slowly go bonkers and get depressed if I just isolate myself in my own room without any contact, routine or cause, just like any human. Just gotta fight against it.

>>37102284
Bored. I'm celibate (intentionally) so I don't care about being single, I have a decent job, I don't give half a shit about my hobbies any more. I'll probably stick around another 4-5 years, off myself when I turn 30 or so.

Who /actively planning/ here?

>>37103666
It sucks if you're in a position where you can't make friends naturally. Like going to school and being able to meet people there, or meeting new friends through existing ones is what I'd not find hard to do.

At times I also feel that socializing is a chore. I'd prefer to stay home and play some vidya. But at times, I go against that feeling and just socialize.

For me, in the end, it's definitely worth it.

>>37102284
am jewish
enough said.

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>>37102284
>ugly crater face
>no prospects in life, going nowhere and have no passion to do anything
>Jew nose
>dumbo ears
>too attached to people I meet since not a lot of friends, cried when a coworker left my job since I've known him for 5 months and he was the closest thing Ibe felt like was a friend
>genuine waste of resources
>fuck up everything, tried hanging but pussied out, tried to buy a gun but was given a fake, etc
>tired of wanting to die for 5 years now, feels like most of my life (13-18)

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>>37103739
Yeah buying a .44 today. Hope it can do the job

>>37103860
.44 is kinda overkill. A 9mm would be cheaper and if you're worried about it "not being enough" a shotgun would be even better and cheaper to boot.. if it has a long barrel and makes getting it to your mouth awkward you can always hacksaw off the end, I mean if you're about to kill yourself who cares if you make an illegal short barrel shotgun?

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>>37103774
I've done it a dozen times and each time I come to the conclusion that there's nothing in it for me. Just becomes a pain in the ass when I do it too well and people start liking me and won't leave me alone.
I really should just stop acting, but I'm too big of a softy to push anyone away and I don't want to just stay silent all the time.

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>>37103860
>>37103924
Stop. Don't add your suicides into the retarded anti-gunners "gun death" statistics. Hang yourselves instead.

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>>37103583
idk man i used to want to kill myself until i've isolated from everyone -- i hated being talked about and being the topic of ongoing running commentary.

i grew up with my grandparents and every time i left the room, they start up with their baseball announcer routine and narrate my actions

>rut roh mam-aw he's going in that kitchen!
>oh no he's gonna eat us out of house and home!
>look out he's going after that bread n' peanut butter!
>he's gonna eat up all your sandwiches pap-aw!
>oh no i'll be starvin to death!

it was fight or flight mode 24/7 and i saved up every spare change i had -- nickels, quarters, dollar bills -- and pirated everything on my shitty 54k AOL connection instead of buying games or CDs to keep myself sane until I moved out as soon as I turned 18.

as predicted they called the cops and tried to report me as a missing person / runaway but i was 18, had my own place with rent paid and utilities in my name and proof of employment (paychecks i made from spamming porn on AOL) and USPS forms indicating mail forwarded from grandparents' address to my new very own place, so they couldn't really do anything except kindly tell my grandparents on my behalf to fuck off

i can't imagine a gf doing the same thing to the web, there's a reason why we're robots, do we really want to be mocked but in a "totally not meant to be condescending" way as some kind of back-handed entertainment to the world?
>>37103666
I feel the same way but as long as I remind myself of past events in which I made the poor horrible choice of trying to socialize, I'm immediately calmed and remain content to live alone

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>>37103924
I was worried 9mm wouldn't have enough stopping power, and I know blowback from .44 would probably just blow up my hand, but I was going to have it straight up in my mouth, with the barrel on the roof of my mouth. Would be pretty hard to fuck that up

Also I'm a pussy who can't walk in to a gun store, don't know why, but it's easier for me to get shit illegally than to have that on my record. Idk, doing illegal stuff has always been easier for me

Also no one u know can supply a shotgun, wanted to do sawed off but again can't get myself to go

>>37103924
Doing illegal things is illegal anon, can't do that.

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>>37103955
I was planning on going /innawoods/ in case I fuck it up somehow. Would like to make sure I at least die from blood loss in the case of that happening

Also I'm hoping as I won't be found as I said before

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It's my fate as a genetic inferior. I feel like a subhuman freak in the presence of others. The sight of myself in the mirror gives me some measure of comfort, but then I'd begin to see my horrid flaws and I'll get anxious about being seen as a freak once again. It's a horrible existence.

>>37104013
Someone's going to find you, eventually. Might be just a dusty skeleton by that time, but still.
Why not leave a waterproof message for posterity?

>>37102284
I basically don't enjoy being a person. It's hard for me to enjoy things. I don't want shit, and I don't deserve it. I'm lazy and unmotivated, and I can't bring myself to care about fixing myself. And on top of that, I'm afraid to leave the house and feel like everyone's gaze pierces right through me and that they can see me for the disgusting piece of shit I am.

>>37103955
Who cares? By the time I finish this message, there will probably be 20 more dead niggers due to them shooting each other.

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>>37104084
Yeah and the niggers are bad enough.

>>37104033
Well true

Was just gonna leave a note in my car

Wasn't planning on making one but i saw that shitty 13 reasons why show and the parents were all "she didn't leave a note" and were upset the entire time. I couldn't do that to my family

>>37103955
sure I bet they want to suffer as much as possible!

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>>37104124
>long drop hangings are painful
Fucking retard.

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I do wish to commit suicide
I just hope none of you guys go through with it.
You don't deserve it, there are other people out there who actually deserve to kill themselves, not you.
Sorry for sounding like a faggot

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>>37104159
yeah like creepy little short old disabled white men hahahaa

>>37104159
no they don't, death is freedom and I deserve freedom

>>37104144
Also I'm slightly overweight and feel like a rope would snap on me or the weight would cause it to snap after a while

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>>37104184
We all deserve better lives anon.

>>37104210
A solid rope would decapitate you rather than snap.

>>37104223
I don't want to be a normie if that's what you meant

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>aspergers
>depression
>socializing with me is almost impossible
>i'm failing all my exams
>intrusive thoughts
>can't even enjoy music anymore
>just fucking tired of everything

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>>37102284
>diagnosed autistic
>shitty mediocre at everything
>shit life
>tired of looking for reasons not to
>currently I want to die because I fell for a girl I can't even be with
>currently alive because I promissed her I'll stay alive for her

>>37104249
Oh the more you know

Where to hang?

Because I fucked up my whole life to the point of no return - it was me, not someone else doing, funny thing that I've come to this understanding not so long ago.
For past 8 months I've been living more like a ghost than a person, thinking of myself as a victim of people treating me like shit, even though these are just repercussions of my own doings. I think I was unconsiously trying to end up when I'm right not, where the situation is so clear, 'cause I had recurring suicidal thoughts since forever. Gotta just plan it well not to burden those around me that much and to finally do something right.

>>37102284
bump

This comment will never not be unoriginal

>>37102284
>feels miserable for no reason
>rejected
>failing classes
>disappointment to family
>ugly acne

>>37102284
>Find out I'm autistic.
>Realize if I have kids they will be as fucked up as me or more so.
>Realize I'll never have my own child.
>Realize that the kind of guy I want will probably never want me.
Feels real bad.

Almost a 30 year old failure, managed to fail uni for 7 years straight in a bullshit major because I have no will to go to classes. I'm fat, ugly and depressed.

>>37105733
Something solid, with a nice drop below. This list gives you the minimum drops for painless death.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Official_Table_of_Drops

>>37106040
Will keep that in mind

Don't know of many places like that but again I'll just have to look

>>37105979
not wanting kids is a major turn-on for guys these days

>>37102977
I took on college (but dropped out) and then had to live off a credit card for a while. I don't like the dependence drugs create so I stay away, though I do drink sometimes.

>>37106329
there's a lot of ways you can try to get your chemical balance to make you feel less shit.
Stuff like healthy food, excercise, hard labor, or you can just try to dull yourself enough to not think about feeling like shit, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, hard labor... some adrenaline maybe?

>>37103301
Same uwu

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Because my jaw looks like this

>>37102284
because no one legitimately cares about me or loves me and the only person i want i can't have

>>37102284
So I can leave a note and make everyone that wronged me feel like a fucking asshole

My oneitis makes me hate myself. Not because she doing anything to me, its the fact that I know I can't have her for my own. Ive never fucked her but I did give her oral once and we've made out n shit. Whenever I think about her I just get angry. I took her back recently and I feel like I should have just continued ghosting her. Shes been flirting with me and making it obvious too. Shes showing that she cares about me too but I can't help but think she has other intentions. I overthink everything, it sucks.

>>37106286
BUT I WANT A BABY! *cries*
My best friend recently had one. She's gorgeous. And I feel like a failure as a female that I can't reproduce and create a normal child.

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>>37102284
I'm destined to fail, and become homeless. Already being a disappointment to my parents as well as never having a gf in my life. I have a few friends and playing vidya and my interest in stories and writing are a few of the things still keeping me alive I guess.

I procastrinate so hard that I don't even end up playing video games. I literally have no energy for any kind of work. I'm not smart, I'm shit at studying and I'm weak as fuck. Having gf of any sort is not an option for me. I'm also ugly.

I used to be that weird kid at school and never understood it, but looking back I definitely deserved all the shit that came towards me. (Well not all, but most of it). By the time I learned how to manage my spaghetti I think it was too late.

Biggest problem is that my parents still believe I can make it. But even if I get a job and manage to live off of it, I'll be unhappy so why don't I end it right now?

I also have some stupid pride, I want to make shitloads of money, like, so much money that it's inhumanly disgusting. As if I had something to prove to people. So I bounce back between feeling like I'm fit to rule this world (but the I end up doing nothing towards it) and feeling like useless waste of space.

If I had to put an expiration date on me, it'd be about 3 months.

>>37102425
kinda same
I find gay shit pretty damn hot and fantasized about that a few times but I'd never fuck a dude even if my life depended on it desu

>>37106823
>I also have some stupid pride, I want to make shitloads of money, like, so much money that it's inhumanly disgusting.
Same, I wish I was intelligent so I could make millions and then use that to be a total dick to people and make their lives harder

>>37106886
I want to be the dicks from 1984 that tortured people and talked about power.

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>>37106897
I want to own factories and pay my workers as little as possible and use my money to worsen the average quality of life any way that I can

>>37106923
And before I die put in my will to spend all my money on some stupid shit like a 100% diamond casket that's gonna be shot into outer space. The launch funded by my fortune of course, and the workers paid as little as possible. I don't want anyone to enjoy my money after I pass.

>>37106971
Nah I think I'd rather put in my will that all my fortune is used in some cause that advocates for total human extinction

>>37102284
Because i'm emotionally unstable and the people who know this still do things that upset me to the point of wanting to end it