>when you remember what it was like before you were depressed

>and you feel disgusted with yourself for being so blind to the truth of misery

>>37092870
I keep having false memories

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>when you can't remember
>tfw (((diagnosed with major depressive disorder))) at age 11

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>>37092870
Im-fucking-possible.
ever since elementary life has been a struggle.
constant fighting and looking over my shoulder

>>37092870
Doesn't hurt. I feel nothing now.

>>37092999
Nothing? I was diagnosed when I was 12 but I have fond memories of playing with the neighborhood kids when I was 6-10 and being generally optimistic and thinking that I could do anything.

Don't do that, you're only guaranteeing that you'll feel like shit for the next day or two. Just set yourself up on the clearest possible path to happiness and get lost in a hobby until things begin to improve. Even if they never do, you'll still feel less shitty than if you panic.

>>37092870
I can't even remember the last time I wasn't depressed. The first time I cut myself on purpose was at age 7, for fuck's sake. I have some real issues, though.

>>37093139
i guess i do have good memories but i think i'm unable to properly appreciate them

>>37092870
Joke's on you. I've never been happy.

>>37092870
Even before that looking back on it I should've been depressed

>>37092870
>tfw my favorite moments were when I was zoning out while listening to music and I felt like OP's filename
Every time was like a snippet of becoming something else for a little bit. Fuck this gay earth as it is right now.

>>37092870
Early middle school. Where did it all go?

>>37092870
I'm 26 and I've been depressed since I was about 12. Pretty hard to remember.

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You can remember this?

Dann OP, the feels you've invoked upon my world

>alive
>feel nothing except fleeting moments of pride when I'm able to overcome some external adversary in my life, usually at the expense of my bank account to buy materials to create something that gives me pride.
>feel absolutely nothing the rest of the time
>modern society has not a purpose for the human

What did he mean by this?

>>37092870
I can't remember. I'm not trying to be edgy either. My childhood memories (before the age of 10) consist of bullying and rape.

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>>37092870
>when you remember those brief periods of hope

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I don't know how but somehow peoples thoughts didn't bother me as much I was too autistic back then...

last time I was happy? When I was fully delusional about my external reality.. Being a telepathic god from planet ???? 6 months ago Yes I have mental illness

I've always been sad. My earliest memories of me in nursery where me standing alone. Even then I couldn't connect to other people. I convinced myself that my problem was just due to lack of practice, that I just needed to work on my social skills but I did all that for years and nothing changed. I got better at talking to people on a surface level but I still couldn't connect with anyone on an emotional level. I obviously have autism or bpd or something but whatever it is its not fixeable. I don't see what the point in me being here is, being alive. Working your life away kinda makes sense when you have things to do afterwards, a family or even hobbies. I'm passionless about everything though, at least other autistic type people seem to be blissfully unaware and seem to have obsessions but I have nothing. I just sit there most days staring into space. Can't stand that fucking reddit line people use as well "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", what if your problem is clearly permanent? No one around me wants to truly understand, they just want me to stop being a burden, I guess removing myself from the picture would accomplish that.