hows your life been up until now?

I'm 20 now, so a little older than you. When I was 18, I had just scored a 36 ACT, was about to go to my state and national level speech tournaments for the second year in a row, and had been accepted early admission into my dream school early admission. I'm the only child of a relatively well off family, and some inheritances plus my parents planning meant I would never have to pay a cent for school, room, board, books supplies or spending money. I made it 3 months into my first semester, had a depressive breakdown, left school, did a treatment program, went back for the second semester, sunk deeper into alcoholism and depression, coasted through to the end of the year (after dropping one class and stopping showing up to my others), then I dropped out. I've done almost nothing in the year since then but get drunk and stoned every day in my parents basement. My girlfriend left me, which was the right decision for her, and I gave up on ever getting better. I don't know why I'm typing this all out, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't sweat it dude. I had the whole goddamn world at 18 and I threw it away. Keep your head up, take it a day at a time, and you can make it bro.

>>37077957
god, you sound like me.
>high test scores/high school GPA
>earned enough scholarships to only have to pay around 3000 for college
>major depression hits second semester
>drug/alcohol use gets worse
>get caught with weed and have to drop out to get a job to pay court fees etc
>depression gets worse
>only one person talks to me now
>tfw your life essentially hit rock bottom by age 20

>>37078085
Holy shit, are you literally me? I also dropped out in part because I got caught with weed too many times (not kicked out, but i was super close), and I also now only really have one friend left. Sorry you're stuck in the same shit boat, but it is nice to know there's someone out there who knows this specific set of feels.

>rock bottom by age 20

This, but cripplingly unironically.

>>37078141
There's a certain kind of comfort that comes from knowing youre not alone in your struggles, anon. I feel like a lot of us here probably have similar shit experiences/life courses.

>>37078200
Yeah, it's nice. And I feel like, in my experience, even outside of other bots, feelings like mine (but to a lesser degree, usually) are the norm, not the exception for my demographic. Like, I don't really know any other guys my age who don't want to die at least a little bit. It'll be interesting to see when/if this trend hits critical mass, and what happens. Or once we're making the rules and policy.

>>37078269
I think a lot of people born near the 90s are gonna end up being failed normies, minimum.

it's not your fault government schools are just loserville. steals important years of your life where you could actually be doing productive. and god the teachers, how pathetic do you have to be to want to turn around and waste your life there just the lowest slimy people you'll find. but it's all over now and it's time to get to work. don't worry too much what it is just orient yourself toward a goal and set off.

>>37077436

No 18 year old has accomplished anything. Fucking hell you guys.

Come back when you're 30 and have done fuck all. Despite what the law says, you're still a child. Just relax.

>just turned 18 and ive been feeling like ive accomplished nothing at all
amazing wow
you fool

I'm 20 and it's just got worse since I was 18.
There were some good parts. Probably the best moments of my life were last year, but overall things have worsened. I wasn't an alcoholic, nor I had suicidal thoughts two years ago. At least there was hope and motivation. Nowadays life is just waiting for everything to end.

I'm in college but I feel like I've accomplished way more shit on the internet than I have IRL, I've influenced millions of lives just through making memes and spreading shit. But I don't even feel accomplished about it.

>>37078415
>you're still a child. Just relax.
no they're not and if you trust "don't worry about anything be cool" shit like this it will fuck you. now is not the time for relaxation it's time to get moving as quickly as possible.

>>37078085
>>37077957
sorry to hear that guys, and thanks for the words of wisdom, if you ever need anyone else to talk about that stuff just reply me with your steam so i can add you, hope i can somehow help you <3

>>37078469
As with most things, the middle path is right. What you're saying sounds like a pretty easy way for most robot-types to burn out imo.

>>37077436
>just turned 18
Wtf were you expecting to have accomplished? You probably JUST graduated high school.

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>>37077436
I'm 18 but I don't know how well you could relate to me because I'm female and (maybe because of it?) i don't worry about fancy external achievements anymore.

>born from a one night stand
>parents poor, dad never around when i was little, mom never cared enough to do more than the bare minimum to take care of me
>moved abroad since impossible to get by decently
>get bullied and ostracised at new schools, mom always shouts verbal abuse at dad for the smallest of things
>become self aware and aware of my situation and how unhealthy it is
>depression
>start fixing it for the sake of everyone, get parents to divorce and be more decent towards each other

>now be be, 18
>still going to school, 2 more years until i finish upper secondary and have to choose where to go next
>average grades, been dropping a bit but it's because my life has changed so much since the divorce

I haven't had the time nor the platform to achieve much. I know i'm just a kid so right now i'm trying to learn things and skills to make up for the lacking upbringing.

I guess at most I've learned how to stop freaking about the future and start focusing on the present. I've started to learn how to cook, how to be calmer and more in control, i also know how to do almost every basic chore, but I still have some things to learn.

So in short by the age of 18 I've made some progress in becoming a balanced adult.

>>37078552
at least lie if you're gonna post as a fembot. Or more likely, stop fucking larping

>>37078552
stop larping. and also i kinda understand the verbal abuse and them doing the bare minimum for anything, it was exactly the same shit with me, at least your parents get kinda along now though, mine havent talk to each other ever since i was born

>>37078508
do whatever you want but time is an investment and what you do today compounds later, sooner the better. with time you will regret all the time you wasted.

>>37078566
haven't lurked hard enough, point was that men and women have different standards for achievements, so i was worried that my experiences won't necessarily be that relevant since my values are different.
>>37078609
My dad still can't stand my mom, he's always on edge around her and having to deal with her stresses him out real hard. We've only gotten to the point where my mom has moved out. We figured since we tried for the longest of time to talk things out with her, but she still yelled abuse so decided that we just couldn't live under the same roof as her.

>>37078698
what are you doing to make up for the lost time?

>>37079033
All i can really do is try to take matters into my own hands. While the neglect is the fault partly of my parents and also circumstances, I'm the only one who can be tasked to fix it.

So for now i'm trying to figure out who i am and what i'm missing, then figure out what i should know and then try to learn that. As for the part of not having my parents around and always being alone, that's something that i'm going to have to figure out too, but i'm not going to hate or belittle myself for it. I can't let myself fall into a loop of painful thoughts again, it just leads me nowhere.

>>37079363
thats a really great way to look at things, i guess i will try to do the same from now on too. thanks for the help dude. i hope everything goes right for you, have a nice life <3

>tfw when you're
>>37077957
>this thread is making you feel to the degree that you can enter a state of non-guilt-ridden self-pity
>someone enters the thread with literally any childhood trauma or dysfunction that at least partly explains their depression
>they're working orders of magnitude harder than you on their life
>childhood was literally perfect
>back to guilt and self-loathing

I deserve this feel because I haven't earned my depression.

>>37079460
there is no such thing as earning your depression dude. your life is seriously fucked and you did some wrong choices, you already know what you did wrong, all you need to do now is lear from your mistakes, from what you said you seem like a really smart guy i have no doubt you will get everything back on track so neither should you <3

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>>37079395
Thanks and hope you're able to find your way in life too. My worldview helps me too. To me, the meaning of life is to lessen suffering. I mean, to life is to suffer and there is no person in the world that doesn't suffer at least a little bit. Our goal in life is happiness, which could be boiled down to the lack of suffering. So the meaning of live is to lessen suffering since the results are our goal by nature. The way we lessen suffering is not solely by elimination of the things that make us suffer, but by making us more resilient to it.

I mean, that else is there for us humans to do? We don't seem to have anything grand outside of our species, so the most productive thing we can do is lessen suffering, not by increasing pleasure, but by making people stronger and wiser.

>>37079460
There is more than one kind of depression. You might have clinical depression which could need medication or some other external help. If anything, i feel worse for you since you're fucked no matter how good it is for you, simply because your brain chemistry is fucked or whatever. You should get that checked out by a professional. Good luck my dude.

>>37079510
its not as much as a meanin of life since i dont believe we have any, but it is the only thing we can do to at least make all of this not shit, trying to live doing what you wish and making you and the others around you happier seems like the only noble thing. you ever read cioran senpai?

>>37079542
Oh I know that fampai. I've done 1 under-18 program, 2 over-18 programs (1 inpatient, 1 out), tried 10-12 different antidepressants with no success and am now looking into TMS (rubbing magnets on my head 4 happy thoughts) and a new therapist to maybe get a fresh set of eyes on me. I'm really interested in ketamine treatments, but my ongoing substance abuse makes that a pretty logistically challenging thing to get into, so if the magnets don't work it's probably the ol' Mike Pence (electrocognitive therapy) and then if none of that works, maybe the helium finale, who's to say.

>>37079610
Have you tried not being a massive pussy?

>>37079610
All of that said, I'm still super pro-treatment, don't get me wrong. My depression is still unmanaged, but thanks to great doctors I have a handle on my anxiety and insomnia. To other robots, I'm told my experience is not typical - get some fuckin' help, it's literally not a meme.

>>37079576
I think the issue is that people think that "the meaning of life" has to be grand, but to me at least the simple meaning of lessening suffering is more than enough. I mean, buddhist monks strive for enlightenment which is s state of knowing where you are so in tune with the world that you become detached to it, therefore detached to the suffering.

I guess it's irrelevant to those who don't feel the need to have a direction in life, to those who don't feel lost. I mean, i think it gives a pretty clear goal, the next step is just leaning what it means to lessen suffering.

>>37079622
I used to, I was doing good in late high school, almost normie-tier. But the truth is that after awhile it hurts to try. The only thing keeping me around is the fact I only leech of my parents, not welfare/society, so if that makes you hate me a little less that's cool, if not that's cool too.

>>37079622
if you havent got anything nice to say just dont say it dude. this guys is going trough a tough time even thoug this might kinda be what he actually need to do this is no way to talk about that, try and honestly help someone out if you are not doing anything atm

>>37079622
>>37079639
Also funny coincidence - don't be a pussy was literally written on my mirror for awhile a few months ago. Great minds think alike, I guess.

>>37079610
have you gotten a spinal tap done yet

>>37079865
No, is that an actual thing or are you just ruseing me?

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I'm 19 and it's kind of comforting to read what you guys are sharing, I can relate to that sense of uselessness that comes from coming from a stable/privileged background and yet haven't genuinely accomplished anything substantial by oneself. Shit, in less than two years my father rose my family like two social classes and I'm currently living in the best city I could imagine yet I'm struggling in the search for anything worthy of recognition that I've ever done in my life, HKV, probably depressed and socially handicapped, turning 20 scares the shit out of me because I feel like I've thrown my youth away.I feel like if I was a small child on the edge of adulthood. Is it realistic to say that there's still time left to make up for the missed experiences?

>>37079865
>>37079925
Oh shit you're not, I googled it. None of my doctors have ever suggested that, what the fuck. Thank you anon, I'm gonna call my doc tomorrow.

>>37079942
yeah, good luck homie

>>37079938
Assuming you'll live about 80 years because I've been drinking and it's easier, you're coming up on 1/4 of your life done. And honestly. 1/4 is misleading because it's the only quarter where the bulk of how you spend your time is dictated to you with few or no options for variation. In short, yeah, you've got so much time I can guarantee you'll waste some of it and still achieve what you want. Don't fall for the high school golden years meme, the only people who that applies to are sad. Embrace the future in the way you can only really do if you stop regretting the past. I say that as someone who hasn't, and has paid for it. You can still make it.

P.S. Morgan Freeman started acting when he was 44

>>37078141
>>37077436
>20, 18 being anywhere near rock bottom

you need to be in your 30s or 40s for that shit unless you do heroin everyday and killed your mom for a hit or some bullshit like that

just being a lazy wagecuck/shutin doesn't make you rock bottom

must be sheltered or some shit

>>37079938
wish i could help you answer that question but im younger than you, im really happy my thread is actually helping someone though.btw what city you living in?

>>37079951
Thanks bro. I'm not one for hoping, but there's a chance that a year from now I'll be telling people that a stranger on a patagonian donkey breeding forum changed my life.

>>37080014
I'm first reply guy, not the anon you replied to, but I'm in the chicago suburbs for what it's worth/on the off chance you're nearby. Also, your thread really helped me, too. Thanks for it.

>>37079938
I have missed out on youth starting from 2009, but i'm at peace with it since i understand the hardships i went through, but i wouldn't really trade them for a "normal" youthful life since those experiences have given me so much perspective and a greater capacity for empathy. You can still be youthful in your 20s, but you should focus on the value of those things, which are to give you a good platform to function as a human being and to have good potential for the future.

Stop worrying about the things you can't experience and focus on the actual thing that you can do right now. Use your head to think what is possible for you right now and plan act in the present, not in the far future.

Right now i'm looking to learn a couple practical skills from my father and maybe taking some firearms handling and shooting courses to improve my sense of personal capability and value.

>>37080034
i sadly dont live there, tell me your steam dude, if i can ever help you get your feelings off of your chest i will be really happy. and i have the time to do it since i just got accepted into uni and have nothing to do while the classes dont start

>>37080014
A Mexican border town, I used to live in a shitty part of Mexico City, I love living here because everyone is really welcoming and open to new ideas, the food is great and there's femenine sophisticated qts everywhere plus I get the chance to (legally and as a tourist) cross the border and witness first hand the complexity of American society (WM/AF couples are a living meme lmao)

>>37080527
i'm glad you are glad living there. keep your happines up you filthy spic <3

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>>37080093
Ok plz no dox me lmao. My name is The Shrekoning and my profile pic is pic related

>be at my last year of high school
>start biking to school and using my public transit money for junk food
>eat junk food at least 3 times a week

3 years later I'm scarfing food down like it's nothing. I've gained at least 60 pounds. This habit has got to be kicked but it is so hard to do so when your mind says to eat whenever you have free time.

>>37080787
tell someone close to you to try and help you to stop it. join a gym and all, dont be ashamed to go there once you join

>>37080761
just sent the request i'm aids

>>37080863
The only people closest to me are my parents. I've told them I want to lose weight at before but they have given up on me when I have said it and only fell back into my old habits a week later.

>>37080922
ask them to take you to a psychologist and/or psychiatrist and tell them to give you less money to waste on food

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>>37080962
>give you less money to waste on food
>tfw wagecuck who lives at home so I have basically infinity money

>tfw 24 y/o KHV NEET
>gone downhill since out of highschool
>making a big furry porn project in hopes to make some money
I swear the next few months will either make or break me, I'm going all in on this gamble.

>>37081023
ask to stay at their house for a while and tell them to stop you from eating too much

I just got my college degree and now the anxiety of job searching is killing me.
>I want it but I don't want it

>>37081784
what do you want though?

just fucking great, which is why i hang out on the most pathetic section of a taiwanese woodcarving newsletter

>>37077436
Who is the dude on the pic? I've seen more of his pics here, do you have more?

My life is pretty average.
Im 19 have zero friends but i have $9k, its not that much but its more than most people i know

>>37077436
>22 khv
>got my first job night shift from 8:30pm to 6:00 am
>everyone is studying and working,everyone is already friends they hate me already
>have to endure for atleast 6 months...
how do wagies live with this?
i think im gonna kill myself if tgis doesn't get better

19 here. Thinking about dropping out of law school. My life is a mess and I have to fix it before I take life-long career decisions.

>>37084788
Go to Thailand. Live there for 6 months. Don't think about it. Trust me! Go go go!!

>>37085500
What is there in thailand, besides cheap hookers?