Psychological Issues #63

I just want to hit my head on a wall until I'm fixed.

How are you nick?

>>37040794

Not too bad right now.

How's your drawing going? Show me some!

>>37040799
drawing goes like always
as in it makes me want to kill myself
remember that guy that offered me his help?
I just found out that he's 18, and this only makes me feel worse, then I found out that my friends talk to each other, which is normal,
but then why the fuck no one talks to me they are my friends but I still feel so far from them and alone

and sorry but I won't show anything

>>37040879
>I just found out that he's 18, and this only makes me feel worse,

Why?

Your friends talk to each other, and?

Do you talk to them?

Hey Nick. How are your symptoms, still getting better?

>>37040908
because I'm 20 and I'm way worse, I know that making comparisons is the worst thing I can do, but after all this time I can't help it, anything little thing make me feel like shit

they talk to each other and not me, I don't understand why

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Evening. Hope you folks are doing well.

I was social with family and friends for the first time in 1-2 months today, and I feel braindead as if every circuit in my brain has been fried not to mention how awkward, unpleasant and uncomfortable it all was. Sober reminder to never do it again.

>>37040927

Had a puke attack this morning, and some tears. Had therapy this evening.

I entertain my therapist with Facet's issues. I spent most of today's session talking about other people's problems.

i have a bit of an issue with my sister trying to get me friends. i dont want any however she thinks we are similar and therefore i do want some but im just shy (or something).

how do i get her to understand im fine

>>37041029
>I entertain my therapist with Facet's issues. I spent most of today's session talking about other people's problems.
You shouldn't.

Focus on yourself.

>>37041029
Oh aye? Do tell

>>37041050
Dan is right though; might be a means of avoiding dealing with your own stuff which you could badly do with doing right now.

>>37040986

Picture hits right in the feels. I should write this on the wall in my own blood take a picture.

No.

>>37041103
Boy did this thread turn silence of the lambs pretty quickly.

>>37041048
Telling her would be a start.

>>37041048

Listen: meet them. Even if you're fine, meeting new people shouldn't be seen as medication, but as a normal thing. Even if you're shy, go for it. You don't risk anything, and you might like the new people, and be liked by them too.

You won't always have a sister who opens opportunities for you, so use it.

Never pass an opportunity to meet someone new. Each person can bring their share of new people in your life, go for it.

>>37041050
>Focus on yourself.

It's related to me. The thread and the people I speak with are related to me.

>>37041097
>Oh aye? Do tell

She finds it all rather fascinating. She actually asked me about all your alters.

>>37041097
>Dan is right though; might be a means of avoiding dealing with your own stuff which you could badly do with doing right now.

I hardly avoid anything. I see her 2 hours and a half per week, I still haven't run out of things to say.

>>37041167
i pretty much have in the nicest way. i told her i dont want to the social obligations of having friends and im happy being alone. i dont know what else i can say.
>>37041192
you dont understand. i dont want friends.

>>37041103
If you're going to self-harm plan ahead so that it's coverable. Avoid forearms too because you might wear short sleeves at some point.

>>37041235
Fair enough then. Personally, I've not had any positive experiences with female therapists but if it works for you.

>>37041253
Then tell her again, and show that you're irritated.

My job pays shit, like really really shit.I can only afford the basics right now and I can't find another one because college eats up all my free time.How could I earn some extra bucks?

>trying to get my life back
>get called out for being a NEET and called autistic
how do I stop being such a sensitive fuck? This one thing happened today online and it just threw me right back into a hole. Haven't been to that community in weeks too and the guy says it within an hour me being there but I have literally nothing close to a friend.

Also doesn't help my only diagnosis is OCD so I have no idea why these things bother me so much but I'm gonna be feeling shit about this into the night

>>37041268
i tell her everytime she brings it up. i feel like showing irritation will only make her believe im being avoidant due to social anxiety or something.
surely there's a clearly way to get the message across

>>37041253
>you dont understand. i dont want friends.

Is that because you feel bad with people or you literally never get anything from them? Would you be happy on a lonely island?

>>37041253
>i pretty much have in the nicest way. i told her i dont want to the social obligations of having friends and im happy being alone. i dont know what else i can say.
May I ask how old are you?

>>37041265
>If you're going to self-harm plan ahead so that it's coverable. Avoid forearms too because you might wear short sleeves at some point.

The magic of foundation. I don't self-harm though.

>>37041265
>Fair enough then. Personally, I've not had any positive experiences with female therapists but if it works for you.

I can't imagine having a male therapist, personally.

>>37041299

Can you help kids with homework?

Do you have any skills that you're not using?

>>37041373
I'm good with anything related to tech and I learn how to do things fast.

>>37041314

I'll need details on what happened.

>>37041340

Let's focus on that at a later point. Recluse doesn't like people, at all; I need to find out whether you're like him or whether you could be able to enjoy people's presence given the right circumstances.

That said, Recluse regularly comes to the thread, so he must enjoy other people's presence to some degree.

>>37041386
>I'm good with anything related to tech and I learn how to do things fast.

You could give private classes: old people, students, kids, etc. You could also help people with tech issues.

>>37041421
Second this. Advertise to liberal arts people. If you go to a university you could really clean up just teaching lecturers how to work the projector.

>>37041342
it's because talking to people feels like a drain since i have to stay the course of being socially acceptable while also saying whatever doesnt the person im talking to(i dont like drama. at least, not in my life). that and also talking about meaningless shit bores and/or annoys me.
>>37041349
im 19

>>37041460
doesn't upset the person* although sadden also applies.

>>37041340
I have been in your situation, and you need to be firm. If you're not an expressive person, you may have to try and be in order to be taken seriously.

>>37041401
Saying I hate people is not entirely accurate. I don't think myself better than anyone, and I appreciate that other people are around to make society work. If everyone were like me the human species would be doomed.

With that said, I can only be friends with people who are willing to hang out with me on my terms. This is why I consider my online friends closer than my real life friends because they are the only ones who don't burden me.

When I'm drunk I even enjoy being social at times.

Hey, how you all doing today? Read through the thread and it doesn't seem that good?

>>37041460
>it's because talking to people feels like a drain since i have to stay the course of being socially acceptable while also saying whatever doesnt the person im talking to(i dont like drama. at least, not in my life). that and also talking about meaningless shit bores and/or annoys me.

OK, so it's not just people, it's the modalities. Seen like this, nobody would enjoy social interaction.

Being socially acceptable isn't different from what you would expect of others, yourself.

But you should definitely stop seeing social interactions as something where you give others something. You're not there to entertain them, it's a mutual thing. As to boring subjects, it's up to you to bring about a new, interesting topic; that said, never forget that the first topics with anyone are usually completely safe subjects, like warming up. It's not about the topic, it's about the other person. You discuss your taste in fast food, not because you care for it, but because that allows you to see what the other person is like, on safe grounds: nobody will care if you prefer Wendy's or McDonald's, that's why boring subjects are used originally.

Later on, safe topics are used to allow for jokes, anecdotes, etc. Don't imagine that the topics alone are really what matters the most. Social interactions aren't there to be like books. You're supposed to connect with others and they with you, because that feels good (when you can do so without freaking out).

My guess is that, for now, you're too tense to enjoy it, but you're not schizoid.

>>37041460
>im 19
Thanks. I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I asked about your age, because I used to say things like you a lot. Because of that I missed many opportunities (one of them being to date a gorgeous tall girl, I just had to brag, that's what I'm like).

Now I'm almost 25 and I regret it. You might think you won't, but I'm gonna go on a limb here and tell you, that you will.

I'm not trying to play on seniority or any of that bullshit. I'm actually being selfish, because when I was your age, it would be good for me to hear what I'm saying right now. I probably wouldn't believe it, but still. It's very much like seeing myself. Except I've already lost the opportunities. You don't have to.

Try to focus on the root of why you don't find being around people enjoyable. Try not to shy away from the truth.

>>37041460
>it's because talking to people feels like a drain

Also, about that: if you feel like you must entertain, please, appear normal, etc, of course you will feel drained. That's not what interacting is about. Being socially acceptable means you don't go gold-digging in your nostrils and eat what treasures you find. That's about all.

When you're mot secure, you'll be able to enjoy it as it's meant to be enjoyed. You don't even have to speak much: ask questions, show interest, and HAVE interest. Don't assume everyone is shit and you're more interesting than them.

I'm currently on dispersal should I stop the meds ? It makes me really tired and makes time go really slow

i hate myself a lot
i'm literally nothing and its all my fault
i need drugs to be normal and i ran out a long time ago. my life is just halted

i don't have questions and i know nothing can help me but i'm hoping this self-deprecating shit will get me a (you), so someone will know i exist for a while

>>37041614
Sorry I meant risperdal

>>37041580
>you will.

You will. I avoided opportunities for so many fucking years. All the time. Everything I don't have now, it's because I passed opportunities. I'm making amends now and seizing any opportunity I have, but at my age, in my context, they're few and far between compared to school/university.

>>37041614

What do you take them for?

>>37041622

Dubs, and a (you).

Your self-hate most likely didn't start with you hating yourself, but with other voices telling you, explicitly or implicitly, that you were worthless. Can you find those voices?

Good evening lads.
How's your day been so far?


>>37040879
Excuse me, YOUR FRIENDS?
did you buy them with currency?

You don't own friends, people make the decision to stick around with who they like.
They're not YOUR friend, you are THEIR friend.

>>37041760
>They're not YOUR friend, you are THEIR friend.

Excuse me, did they buy him with currency?

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Reminde that I can do vocaroo responses still.

Forgot about that for a while.

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>>37041813

Does it work?

Give me examples of your paranoia.

>>37041795
I knew I poorly phrased it but the thought occurred after i posted it.

He said
>Why wont they talk to me, they are my friends.
It just pissed me off a little and wanted to do something about it.

>>37041546
i think the main issue is that i honestly dont care that much about other people's lives (as edgy as that sounds) so i definitely dont care about connecting with people. connecting is probably the last thing i want, because than i might be seen as someone to talk to. so when it comes to conversation, it always feels forced because i hardly care about the person im speaking to.
now when it comes to talking about an actual subject or some sort of debate, i dont mind it. i dare say i like it at times. however, i prefer doing that online since i can pull all of my sources and give a more thought out reply than if i were to give an immediate response.

I have a headache today, but other than that it's not a terrible day. How is everyone else?

>>37041865
Give it a whirl and take the result with salt.

http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/spd/schizoid.php

>>37041873
The jews cut my wifi again, I'll need to pay the bill someday but for now I'll do with my mobile data.

>>37041873
Headaches can be fucking disgusting if pushed to the max.
Numb - then sad - then a second of happiness (fake) - back to numb - randomly start crying (not sobbing) - back to numb
and then again

>>37041729
i know i'm not worthless, i could fix everything about my life and stop being sad if i really wanted to.
it's just really hard to do that, so i don't. that's why i hate myself.

>>37041865
Why are you bothered enough by your sister to bring it up here? Does she try to force friends upon you frequently enough for it to become an issue? The only thing you can do, to answer your first question, is to tell her to it in a way that shows you're serious about it.

>>37041858

He really didn't mean it that way. He's surprised that despite being his friends (not in a possessive manner, more like, they consider themselves his friends, and him theirs, mutually) they don't speak to him, and so he is confused.

There was no notion of "they owe me".

It pissed you off but it really isn't how he meant it.

Have you yourself dealt with people who made you feel like you owed them something you didn't?

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>>37041865

True question, no rhetoric: why do you not care about other people?

>>37041873

Have you been drinking? You guys were talking about drugs last night.

>>37041850
I argue with my parents a lot because of it and I feel like each of their decisions are dick moves, that's it

>>37041949
>if i really wanted to.

It sounds like you'd really want to. But will is not everything. I really want to be happy, but yeah...

You take more responsibility than is truly yours.

You forgot to answer my question about the voices. Please answer it.

>>37041993

despite schizoid being a possibility, even for you, I don't think advising isolation is all that great.

Maybe you guys can be cured.

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>>37042092

Give me a concrete example.

Looks like I'm a regular now

I don't know how to get over my parents.
(I was abused by them as a child and as an adult until I had enough balls to run away last winter)

I'm not even trying to get over them because I'm not there yet. I still have to fight the impulse to go back to them. I know they're both deeply fucked up people, but I was never allowed to have friends much and they're the only close relationship I've ever known in my entire life. I don't miss them and I don't miss life with them either. It's like a weird force pulling me towards them. Every time I have a problem or every time life seems hard I want to call them and tell them life is too hard for me and ask them for help.
I actually did that at first. I even came back home to them once not long after getting away.

I hate them but maybe part of me misses them or is used to be around them or believes it's impossible to live without them.
Part of the abuse I went through was psychological and involved thoroughly sapping my self-confidence and ability to make decisions without them.

So I guess it's some sort of leftover from what they did? Not that it matters, I just want this fucked up shit to get out of my brain. I don't know how to make that happen except by giving it time.

>>37041850
Your constant silence of the lamb posting has made me picture you as Clarice and read everything you say in a woman's voice lol

>>37040728
Here's a quick thought, don't think of it as hostile please - do you bellieve altruism exists? And if so please define altruism just to be clear that we are thinking about the same thing.
I see altruism as a way to be selfish - you're selfish because you are helping others and with that helping yourself. So this would mean it's a contradiction. There is no real "altruism" is there?

>>37041314
I said it all pretty much. I'm NEET shut-in currently working on undiagnosed social anxiety. I lost contact with the few friends I had when I was literally stuck on a mattress for 9 months pissing in bottles from pretty horrible OCD episode. I tried re-engaging with my friends couple months ago but they've moved on and even though I went out with them and showed interest no one's contacting me to get together. I'm working on social anxiety I've been coping with and which has got much worse over the courseof being NEET 2 years hoping if I go university next year I might make friends (I won't). So for 2 years the only thing close tohaving "friends" is two online communities I'm part of. One I sometimes talk personal life on which over the last 6 months guy there has been calling me autistic and giving me grief calling me out on "not being a real person" because I'm a NEET loner. So I stopped going there as much and joined new community this time from very start where I largely just type shitposts. they probably think I'm autistic too because of it and lately I've been feeling miserable going there too, thinking about what people think of me. I only go there when I'm intoxicated now because it's the only way I can shitpost. I live with parents and I'm 21. half my siblings hate me half I'm not sure about but definitely don't like being around me because of the trouble I caused during my last ocd troubles.

I'm 90% sure I'll kill myself in a few years. I think about suicide often but I'm not going to kill myself any time soon which means I'm not suicidal.

>>37042154
sorry that paragraph is retarded I wrote that in like 6 parts + I'm high

>>37042118
>despite schizoid being a possibility, even for you, I don't think advising isolation is all that great.
It's not at all great. It's comfy, sure, nicer than being with people, yes, but years long isolation does bad things to the human mind, schizoid or not. Depression and crushing loneliness are inevitable if you go on that path.

>>37042109
i don't hear voices because i'm not fucking schizophrenic? anything in my head is me, not a voice.

Why do I keep losing good friends out of nowhere? First one last year before college started and this year another one, as college ends at this rate I might run out of friends fuck

>>37042086
Yes, I was drinking last night. And I'm not ignoring your email, by the way. I'm just utterly bored with tthinking about all that for now.

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>>37041923
seems about right, but i feel like there should be more questions
>>37041993
she hasnt actually forced friends upon thankfully. i asked because i wanted to nip this in the bud before it gets to that point. i can only imagine it would be an awkward experience for both me and the person.
>>37042071
they feel predictable. however, i think people like wizzies, hikkis, and monks are interesting because they're different from most people.

>>37042141
I would say it's a natural urge, but this urge does not have it's roots in your free will but rather your "genes" .Not sure how to put it - you are literally put in your family, this is involuntarily - you have a feeling like you are "supposed" to be around them and as if you're supposed to love them etc.

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I don't know where to begin. Im not a virgin, like some people here. Im going to be 20 in three weeks and ive had sex with like 6 girls. The issue isnt getting sex. I can't form a bond with people. A bad spell comes, i smoke my weed and drink my beer and play my vidya, dont talk to anyone, and nobody talks to me. I could stop going on social media for 6 months and nobody would message me wondering where ive gone

Ive become so disconnected, the drugs probably helped me along but most of its my own fault, because im a defective human being. When i log into facebook i feel like a fucking alien amongst all these happy people with their satisfying lives, who have people who love them and care if they come home at the end of each day.

Im starting to just hate everyone because theyre happy and im not and i bitterly envy them

I feel fucking retarded when social interaction are involved, what the fuck is my problem?

>>37040728
My dad has bad bipolar and has gone into the manic phase I think

He's acting really weird physically trembling and is talking so fast that I have no idea what he's saying. He's like in his own world.

He hasn't eaten/slept much in days and is about 110lbs anyway.

I don't think he went to work today either.

Should I just avoid him?

>>37042141

That sounds completely normal to me, and they certainly fostered dependency from you to them as well.

Focus on this: you never had parents. You had abusers. You were always an orphan. Your parents are dead now.

Yesterday was Mother's Day here, and I gave my mother nothing. She is dead to me. It's the weirdest thing to have to do, but that's how it is.

Hold on strong.

If you need anything, I'll be your big brother.

[email protected]

(And I am a literal big brother, licensed and all.)

>>37042118
I don't think I have SPD since they seem to have be narcisstic and misantrophic, neither of which I am. I don't think highly of myself, and I don't dislike people. In fact I can appreciate a lot of people, what they do and what they say but I just don't want to be around them.

Autism is my best bet right now which I'll find out in a couple of days and I've come to terms with that an autism diagnosis wouldn't be too bad since it opens up government resources that might actually help me land a job that won't drive me to insanity again. That is literally everything I want in life, a job I can handle and a space where I can make my home.

>>37042254
Try imagining it this way - there is no way in hell you can know that they're happy, pics don't mean shit. It's natural to envy them, I see other people in positions that I'd give my life for and do the same thing, but why would you think that it would suddenly all change? What if you just got what you want? How can you be so sure to say that you'd be happy? Yes, of course, for a period of time, but how short/long would that period be?

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>>37042191
Let's just attach my name to this post like so.

>>37042207
>seems about right, but i feel like there should be more questions
There should, yes. It's just a brief, indicative test that by itself doesn't really mean all that much, since schizoids quite often lack introspective abilities and there's other things that can cause those, "symptoms".
If I may project a little, I'd advice you to just tell your sister that you aren't a sociable person, but only if you can stop yourself from isolating yourself from the world, because in the long term it will leave you miserable and dysfunctional.
Socialization's most often a chore for folks like us, but it keeps you healthy in the long run.

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>>37042143
>Your constant silence of the lamb posting has made me picture you as Clarice and read everything you say in a woman's voice lol

My plan is working...

>>37042151

It's an endless topic, but I'll make it simple:

- nobody ever does anything unless they have an interest in doing that thing

- a person's interest in helping others can be genuine

- there's nothing wrong with enjoying helping others: everybody wins

Thus, I define altruism in enjoying doing things for others (which is of course a way to do things for yourself as well, but it doesn't cancel the part where you make others happy; homeless won't mind being helped by people who literally enjoy helping, it's even better, not worse).

Discussing this further, in my opinion, is mental masturbation (which can be enjoyable).

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I should apologize for not responding to the suicidal anon who posted last thread. I'm very sorry and I hope you're doing better.

>>37042154

What are those communities?

What is your own explanation for your state? What made you this way?

>inb4 self

>>37042319
>Socialization's most often a chore for folks like us, but it keeps you healthy in the long run.
in what way

>>37042192
>i don't hear voices because i'm not fucking schizophrenic? anything in my head is me, not a voice.

I was not thinking of actual voices in your head. That was a metaphor for people who gave you negative feedback in the past, whether explicitly or not.

>>37042199

Give an example of how you lose friends.

>>37042376
YES. Thank you. Exactly my thoughts.
And hence my paranoia - nobody cares.
It's so strange to be living in this world after all that has happened. It's like a penitentiary (I've said this yesterday I know sorry for repeating myself)

>>37042203

I'm surprised you drink. As to the e-mail, when I wrote it, I didn't think of whether you'd respond or not, so that's completely fine.

Can you guess why I'm surprised you drink?

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>>37042311
>I don't think I have SPD since they seem to have be narcisstic
It's not the classical type of narcissism, it's more self-centeredness, which is inevitable considering the asocial, socially disconnected nature of schizoids.
>I don't think highly of myself
As I said above, it's not that kind of "narcissism".
>Guntrip defines narcissism as "a characteristic that arises out of the predominantly interior life the schizoid lives. His love objects are all inside him and moreover he is greatly identified with them so that his libidinal attachments appear to be in himself. The question, however, is whether the intense inner life of the schizoid is due to a desire for hungry incorporation of external objects or due to withdrawal from the outer to a presumed safer inner world." The need for attachment as a primary motivational force is as strong in the schizoid person as in any other human being. Because the schizoid's love objects are internal, they find safety without connecting and attaching to objects in the real world (see Narcissistic defences)
>Autism
Does share similiarities with SPD, so I wouldn't really advice focusing on either one yet.

>>37042447
In that long term isolation will make you depressed, dysfunctional, socially maladjusted, full of anxiety and you will end up living your life deeper and deeper in your own internal world and fantasies, neglecting reality. "Retreating to the womb", as is quite a common term used in psychological literature on SPD.

>>37042207
>seems about right, but i feel like there should be more questions

Zero need for that. If you manage to score above 70 on these tests, you should most definitely check the condition out. Goddamn.

>>37042207
>they feel predictable. however, i think people like wizzies, hikkis, and monks are interesting because they're different from most people.

You'll find out everyone is different. Isolated people may not be more interesting than others. They could be much less, and in part because they can't be interested in who you are. People who don't care about others tend to be less interesting to interact with. Might as well read a book.

>>37042219

Children are wired to love their parents, it's a matter of survival. It's the paradox of the abused child: survival depends on the parent, but the parent is danger.

>>37042490
I have no clue why that would surprise you. Perhaps because a certain relative was also prone to the habit?

>>37042505
>Autism
>Does share similiarities with SPD, so I wouldn't really advice focusing on either one yet.

The reason why I think I have autism is because my doctor thinks I do, and referred me to a psychiatrist to envaluate.

>>37042562
I really don't know and don't feel up to cycling through possible explanations.

>>37042451
when we were kids my older brother treated me like shit and put himself over me whenever he wanted. he acts "normal" to me now but i still resent him, especially since he pretends he was a protective older brother figure in the past.

i don't know if it's negative but my mom was overprotective of me. if i didn't want to do something i didn't have to do it. so she was fine when i dropped out, left my friends and just played video games all day.

i could blame a bunch of people for how i turned out but i could have reacted correctly instead of just hating myself and doing nothing.

>>37042505
>In that long term isolation will make you depressed, dysfunctional, socially maladjusted, full of anxiety and you will end up living your life deeper and deeper in your own internal world and fantasies, neglecting reality. "Retreating to the womb", as is quite a common term used in psychological literature on SPD.

Opposed to what you said, can social anxiety be "cured" by training yourself and going out everyday? Or can mental health just get worse by not working to repair it?

>>37042254
>ive had sex with like 6 girls.

In the kingdom of the blind...

Do you enjoy talking with people?

>>37042269

You might just be socially retarded. By which I mean, you don't have enough practice.

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>>37042602
I've read multiple stories of people being diagnosed as assburgers, who in fact were not. Of course, I know nothing about your case, so I couldn't tell.

>>37042623
>can social anxiety be "cured" by training yourself and going out everyday?
Yes, very much so, so long as you don't instantly go off the deep end and end up doing something you can't really handle.
>Or can mental health just get worse by not working to repair it?
Yes and it WILL get worse if you just let it fester in isolation. Social anxiety especially so, the longer you avoid it, the worse it will get.

>>37042308
>Should I just avoid him?

He should be treated. Is he seeing a psychiatrist?

>>37042618
Not too hung over I hope? Mine followed the usual pattern: pretty grim first thing, stumbled up the road for a pasty and some lemsip, came round about an hour later.

>>37042423
well yeah it was all me that caused this, just not too concerned over who;s fault this is. I'm in fucked up situation and ready to move on.

>>37042311
>be narcisstic and misantrophic,

I doubt Schizoids require narcissism, as they're antithetic in the highest degree. Narcs need others.

>>37042311
>what they do and what they say but I just don't want to be around them.

You appreciate being in this thread, right? With the other people, correct?

If yes, then it's not that you don't like being with people, it's the communication and the rest that has something you dislike.

>>37042679
Yeah, I am pretty hungover. Went down for the count immediately after we finished. Feeling pretty tired of this heat, too.

>>37042058
>Have you yourself dealt with people who made you feel like you owef them something you didn't?

Yeah, my parents, I didn't aske to be born.
Im not going to have my face dragged in the mud to establish myself then be obligated to take care of the two of them.

>>37042309
Thanks. I'm starting to realize that even being polite to my parents is not going to be possible for me.
Writing it feels ridiculous actually. What made me think I could be civil with them?
I broke my clavicle when I was 2 or 3yo, they never bothered taking me to the doctor. They just punished me for crying too much. Fun fact: bones can heal themselves in young children, which is why I still have a functioning shoulder. I keep writing childhood stories here and I'm not even close to running out of material. I'll write that down somewhere as a memo for when I forget they're fucked up.

Yeah, seeing all the store windows about mother's day was weird.

>>37042459
First one: we were a group of 5 close friends (from which the second friend is that Im in the process of losing), we talked a lot of times to go out for drinks or whatever and the dude never wanted to come with us; it was typical for him to not want to go out, we said "ok", not really a bad thing, we could always hang around in school(this was before we each went to college), we still went out once a week with him tho; one day we had a day planned to go see a soccer match we all wanted to see, the guy said he was out of town..."ok, sure, no problem bro";find out in the same day as the match that the dude went out with other mutual friend of mine that i randomly called during the match, he didnt know the guy lied to us;thats when I decided its time to break the friendship

Now, the friend that im in the process of losing is also in our group of friends, he never talks to us/me first, we have to ask him whatsup; he also said once in an argument that he doesnt give a shit about other people, as a response that we cant ever get help from him as a friend because he never wants to help; which led to today when he still doesnt seem to care about us; we were close friends a year ago, basically everyday we hung out and really enjoyed ourselves when we went out

End

>>37042505
>In that long term isolation will make you depressed, dysfunctional, socially maladjusted, full of anxiety and you will end up living your life deeper and deeper in your own internal world and fantasies, neglecting reality.
i understand that because i already feel the effects of my isolation. the way i see though, if i prefer being alone anyways, then those effects really dont mean much aside from depression.
>>37042533
understand people can have some slight differences that make them special, however their slight differences seem so minor when i consider that they're normies(for lack of a better term). for example, when my mother told me that cousin feels misunderstood and somewhat lonely, i was surprised but i still dont care much about him because he's so much of a normie anyways.

>>37042319

Goddam, this is so fucking nice. Not sure why it brings me so many feels. Possibly because I grew up with 8-bit imagery. Back when video games looked very different from the real world.

>Commodore PC

>>37042752
Luckily we don't have to worry about heat often over here. It's just grey, rainy and miserable like it has been every other day since The Queen dragged our island out of the sea with her lizard pincers

>>37042670
>I've read multiple stories of people being diagnosed as assburgers, who in fact were not. Of course, I know nothing about your case, so I couldn't tell.
Definitely a possibility. If the new treatment plan doesn't work, I'll keep demanding help until I receive the assistance I need to become able to stand on my own legs. The psychiatrist will use his expertise to decide whether I have autism or not, and time will prove if he was right or wrong.

>>37042712
>You appreciate being in this thread, right? With the other people, correct?

>If yes, then it's not that you don't like being with people, it's the communication and the rest that has something you dislike.
I do, yeah. Online communication is far better than socializing in real life.

>>37042471
>And hence my paranoia - nobody cares.

I care. Lots of people care. Humans are wired to care, too, especially for little children, cute kittens, etc, but also other adults.

When my workmates noticed I was acting strangely and looked sad, pensive, etc, they all cared (though mostly women; men probably worried too but didn't mention it).

So yeah, people really do care. When you feel fine, you care about others more. That's how it works for me. When I'm OK, I badly want to help even more than when I'm not. Team spirit.

Humans work as a team or die as loners.

>>37042815
Seems like the perfect weather in my opinion, nice and comfy to stay near the window with a cup of chocolate milk in my hand and smooth songs playing in the background

>>37042815
To return to our discussion about leadership, what will you do with the previous monarch once you inevitably seize power?

>>37042890
Yes.... It's hard to stop myself from thinking of it as fake, Mhm.
Think I'm gonna go now, it's always a circle - "the talking about it" part, really makes me lose my breath.
Hope you all get better real soon, I can only imagine the pain that some of you are experiencing. Good luck

>>37042964
She will retire to the birthing tunnels of her hive and bear a clutch of my eggs. With her royal blood my hatchlings will be giants, like the great men of old

>>37042505
>It's not the classical type of narcissism, it's more self-centeredness, which is inevitable considering the asocial, socially disconnected nature of schizoids.

Then let's not call it narcissism, because, in a sense, narcissism avoids the self, the real self.

Narcs, at bottom, don't think highly of themselves, but they must hide that from their consciousness.

Guntrip seems to say that narcissism is a part of the schizoid deal, which I would not suggest. Maybe he uses another meaning, not sure.

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>>37042809
>if i prefer being alone anyways, then those effects really dont mean much aside from depression.
The problem is that the depression will likely turn you suicidal, at which point if you try to get healthy again, it will be so fucking difficult, compared to just keeping yourself to some modicum of mental health in the first place.

>>37042810
Have another.

>>37042562
>I have no clue why that would surprise you. Perhaps because a certain relative was also prone to the habit?

No, because alcohol does serious damage to your brain. I would have thought you were concerned about that part, enough to avoid damaging your brain in every way available.

>>37043022
Her species must have remarkable reproductive longevity. What will the taxonomists have to say?

>>37043076
>No, because alcohol does serious damage to your brain.
I'd be interested to hear more about this. Mostly because most people I know drink and a large amount of people I know drink to the point of blacking out.

Since it's so widespread, I wonder how serious is this damage.

>>37043076
Nope. I would've thought it was clear that I'm disorganized enough to give very little consideration to the consequences of my actions. And to be perfectly clear, I don't drink that much at all.

>>37042602
>because my doctor thinks I do,

I'm sorry to say that this isn't very convincing. Maybe so, but keep your options opened.

>>37042621

Abusive brother, who lies afterwards.

Abusive mother who takes the other end of the spectrum. (Overprotecting is abuse too, neither attitude allows you to deal with reality as it is, so you end up maladjusted.)

Reacting correctly isn't always possible, if you haven't learned how to by example.

There is nothing to gain in uselessly guilt-tripping yourself. It won't make you progress. It'll make you feel bad, but you won't move forward because of it. At best, you'll feel like a respectable anon in front of a community of strangers, but there's nothing in that.

It's not about blame, it's about understanding what happened so you can make decisions now that will help you later.

Loving yourself is the first step here. You will go nowhere without that.

>>37042623
>Opposed to what you said, can social anxiety be "cured" by training yourself and going out everyday? Or can mental health just get worse by not working to repair it?

Yes to both. Putting yourself in social situations with people you trust and feel OK with can definitely be practiced. You get better at it, you feel valued, then believe to be valued, then you realise you are literally valued. This makes everything easier.

Staying alone will destroy you. Look around.

>Do you know where you are?

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>>37043053
>Maybe he uses another meaning, not sure.
Yes, he does. The "narcissism" of SPD is internal, while for actual narcs it's external, focused on other people. Schizoids also have proper empathy, however muted it tends to be. It's really a whole other thing.

>"If I am superior to others, if I am above others, then I do not need others. When I say that I am above others, it does not mean that I feel better than them, it means that I am at a distance from them, a safe distance."

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>>37040728
hey Nicky, my psychiatrist keeps insisting on questions about the hanging method of self-harm. he seems fascinated by it as a curiosity rather than interested in it to help me illuminate the reasons of why i did it. it makes me think he has shared it with other patients or even with his students and i dont know how to feel about it.

also: have you met other "schizophrenics" in your life? how was the experience?

>>37043076
Additionally, I've been self-destructively nihilistic for a long time now, only consoling myself with the few moments of hedonism I've been able to snatch.

>>37042670
>assburgers

It really is a meme condition 90% of the time. Everyone here who was diagnosed with it probably doesn't have it.

>>37043126
I dread to think, personally. I'm sure I've killed a lot of brain cells over the years.

>>37043106
Her kind live for centuries. She's going to shed her skin again soon, I imagine.

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I'm so numb. I don't remember having felt happiness or sadness for the last 10 years, if I ever have. I don't care about anything, I don't know what I want, I don't know how I feel, I pretty much just take decision based on how I think I should feel.
Numbness wasn't always a problem, but now that I'm in college and I actually have to muster some motivation to succeed, it's getting more troublesome. I think about suicide daily, not because I'm sad, but just because I don't want to make efforts for something I ultimately don't care about.
What's wrong with me? How do I fix myself?

>>37043197
>I dread to think, personally. I'm sure I've killed a lot of brain cells over the years.
Yeah that's what I'm thinking. I mean, drinking, depression and punching myself in the face is all things that I have been doing for some years.

One would think I'd be braindead at this point.

Then again, I just realized I am currently listening to the Bloodhound Gang for some goddamn reason. Nick might be onto something.

>>37043197
The thought of her molting is truly revolting.

>>37043204
How did these symptoms start? Any event that triggered them or did feelings just start going away all of a sudden?

>>37040728
When I was 17 I was on anti-depressants, went in France with school with the rest of the class, mixed tequila, vodka and anti-depressants.

Me and classmate #1 made a video in which I insult and threaten to kill classmate #2 who didn't come with us on the trip, the video makes me look like a maniac. We sent it to the guy.

The video never got out and I managed to get classmate #1 to delete it. He couldn't understand why I was so upset about it or was pretending not to.

As far as I know classmate #2 could still have it and for the past 4 years I have been living in fear that the video is posted on facebook/youtube/whatever with my name next to it. My mother would die of pain and shame. I am a fucking idiot and I wish I could either die or go back in time.

>>37043331
From what I can understand it was more the alcohools fault other than you actually wanting that person dead. You can always blame it on the drinks you had if the day comes that he brings up the video.

>>37042682
>well yeah it was all me that caused this,

I call BS but go ahead, how and why did you do it?

>>37043386
I don't look 100% drunk(I wasn't), I was at the point of drunkness where you lose inhibitions and you feel retardedly confident.

Also my mother has a shop, if her clients recognized me she would probably die of shame. Fuck fuck fuck me.

I've decided to meet my therapist the next time I'll go in my home town.

>>37042781

Healthy reaction. Good parents don't make children to be taken care of by them later on, but good parents have kids who will naturally want to take care of them.

Bad parents can rot.

>>37042795

All good ideas. You're very resilient and have a lot of healthiness in you.

We should really recreate a family here.

>>37043262
I don't think there was an event that triggered it, either I was always like that, or I just lost feelings gradually after puberty.
I don't remember feeling happy during my childhood, but my mom mentioned I used to be more outgoing and happy.

>>37043175
Very neat art. Though you didn't address the question to me, I grew up with a schizophrenic family member. It was in turns terrifying and fascinating to behold such detachment from reality.

>>37043435
That doesnt seem like a huge thing to be embarassed about, teenagers get caught doing more stupid stuff than that with little to no repercussions, is your mother sensitive about the way you act around her when youre in public/around other people that she knows? She seems more like the problem than anything else

>>37043457
Thay are as you call them. NARCs

>>37040728
Afternoon Nick. How goes life?

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>>37043504
thanks. what type of shit did he/she do/believed in?

>>37042807

Sounds more like these are people who lose you, not vice versa.

Not much to lose on your end.

>>37042809

Normies don't real.

I can't believe someone already typed this before...

>>37043469
Music can help you feel emotions, you just have to find the right band that is closer to your state of mind at one moment. That is if you are the type that cant find the energy to show interest/emotions towards others or normal activities. Is its deeper than that, that you cant feel emotions then drugs might help opening you up, while therapy is also important

>>37042831
>I do, yeah. Online communication is far better than socializing in real life.

That should challenge your schizoid diagnostic. A real schizoid wouldn't enjoy this thread, I'd think.

>>37043744
Highly religious personal mythology, interwoven with celebrities who communicated to this person telepathically with regularity. Extreme paranoia, believing another member of the family also sent extrasensory messages and colluded with other malevolent entities to reap energetic rewards. Violent retaliation for this was common.

All the commotion around mothers day recently has had me a bit stumped. I have always felt like other peoples birthdays and hollidays and such was nothing much to pay attention too.
As a young kid i enjoyed christmas and my own birthday, but only as a mean to get some sweet toys and games. the idea that you give gifts to show appreciation of a person, and to make that person happy, is foreign to me. celebrations like mothers day and birthdays has just been a slight anxiety in me, fear of giving a bad gift.
it's also surpricing to me that a lot of people here seems really attached to their family, even though some of you guys parents seems like real assholes.

the first semester after i moved out i'd like to text my mom once a week or so simply because you were "supposed" to stay in touch. i dont really feel any connection or impetus to connect with my parents. we are like acquaintances to keep eachother around for help every now and then.

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>>37040728
Heya Nick, how ya doing today?

While I was reflecting on my situation from last night I came to the realization that I'm a gigantic narcissist who likes to manipulate people I don't care about through charm.

I'm not really sure how to feel about it honestly. Like, I pride myself on being deadly honest with friends that I care about, or people that I want to have a meaningful relationship with, but if it's someone I don't really care for (such as that one girl I was talking about yesterday) I'm totally willing to spin a huge web of lies to get what I want.

It upsets me a little that I am that kind of person, but I don't want to change either.

What do?

>>37043126

It kills braincells. When you get drunk, not all your braincells make it back. Alcohol shrinks your brain, too, though that's not irreversible. It's very graphic, you can see the effect with the naked eye (and X-ray...).

It's pretty serious damage.

>Slav Land
>alcohol is not known to cause serious brain damage
>lel

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>>37043829
>A real schizoid wouldn't enjoy this thread, I'd think.
No reason not to, really, since it's impersonal, can easily be quit at any time and it doesn't actually require anything from the poster. Nobody here is people, in that way. Everyone is just pixels on a screen and one can come and go as they please.

>>37043175

Ask him directly: why do you want to know?

See what he says.

I've never met actual schizos that I know of, no.

>>37043204

See derealisation, report back.

>>37043331
>the video makes me look like a maniac.

If it came out, people would think it was just a drunk teen acting out in front of the cam, which is what it was.

Nobody would care beyond a few chuckles.

>>37043447

Good. How often do you see him?

>>37043924
>alcohol is not known to cause serious brain damage
Well yeah but in the guys who drink at least a pint of hard liquor every day. These guys are pretty fucked. But my point is, even my grandmother for example had a couple years where she would drink alcohol this much. I don't remember her having dementia, etc. She always seemed pretty bright.

Actually I have quite a few family members who drank or drink as much and they're not extremely dumb or anything.

It's nice to see that the thread is up. What's up guys?

>>37043971
ive asked him and he says he wants insight on my mind during the process of self harm. but im not convinced, i think it's just a curiosity for him. like a little uncommon practice he can throw to his students. like having a nice anecdote to tell others

>>37043654

Nasty
Assholes
Recreating
C-PTSD
Survivors

>>37043677

Feeling exhausted. My LO just did her police assessment.

>Judy Hopps
>Nick Wilde

It's becoming real.

>>37044180
That film was surprisingly not that shit given that it was furbait

Why do I have to be schizophrenic
I just want to be normal

I have to decide between being psychotic or being fat
Fuck antipsychotics

>>37043832

This is terrifying.

>>37043842

My parents are dead to me. They can write, I allow them this much. My mother claims to care, but hasn't responded to my latest reply in a month now. So much for caring. She got nothing from me for Mother's Day.

>"Nick? You sent me nothing for Mother's Day."
>"Mom? I'm waiting for Dirty Skank Whore's Day. You'll get a butt dildo with your photo on it, so you can go fuck yourself, bitch ass punk."

>>37043864
>It upsets me a little that I am that kind of person, but I don't want to change either.

Rejoice in that you don't feel OK with manipulating people. The flesh is weak. It is your choice to make, but maybe one day you will hurt someone so bad that you feel the pain right along. That day, you might make a different choice.

>>37043958
>No reason not to, really, since it's impersonal, can easily be quit at any time and it doesn't actually require anything from the poster. Nobody here is people, in that way. Everyone is just pixels on a screen and one can come and go as they please.

Inconsequential. Areal schizoid has no interest in sharing with people, in any way whatsoever. Writing posts, in many ways, requires more than common offline communication: you need to type, to read, to take time for both, you may even have to click on a few gas stations if you don't have a diamond account like I do.

Everyone who posts is a real human being, made of flash and bone, behind a computer or on his phone.

Some of the most intense relations I've had with humans were done by e-mails. It's not impersonal at all; most people can say more by text than face to face.

>>37044180
Haha good one. I'm just exhausted today. Didn't sleep at all no matter what I tried.

>>37044083

The brain is a survivor too. Most of the Poles I met in Poland drank like it was a sport, and many were highly intelligent, spoke various languages, were chemists or engineers. It still takes a toll on your body at large. You're a young buck for now, but give it ten years and see what happens.

I knew a man who was only a few years older than me, but he looked 20 years older than I did: fat, greying hair, etc.

>>37044115

That might be your paranoia acting up. I would ask about that thing too, because it stands out, so it has precious information the rest may not have.

>>37043611
How can you say it's not a huge thing to be embarassed about? She would be right to be mad and sad. I don't think it's normal at all what I did.

I think it's a pretty serious thing, what if my next potential employer see it? What if people she knows see it? It doesn't matter if she is oversensitive, if she sees it i am going to break her heart.

It fucking kills me.

>>37043804
Yeah music doesn't do anything for me. I've been thinking of seeing a therapist/psychologist, but I keep pushing it back.

>>37043982
Some of it rings true, but it doesn't sounds like it. My perception of reality is fine. Even though I've felt like "seeing reality through a TV screen" before, I could just snap out of it.

>>37044069
i saw him once a week for about two months, then I moved

>>37044274
>That film was surprisingly not that shit given that it was furbait

It was great. LO made me watch a number of films I'd never have watched on my own, including loads of anime. Zootopia is a 10/10. I like noir stuff in general, and this was actually good and funny.

We watched it at my parents' villa, I was wracked with guilt at the time. Nick being a sly fox didn't help. I knew LO had considered becoming a cop before, too. Now she's doing it.

She lost a shitload of weight too. She's back on where she was when we first met, many years ago.

She looks like a model. She was my Slav Princess.

>>37044302
i dont have any ill will against my parents. as an edgy teen i wanted to blame them for my problems, but i couldnt find a way to actually motivate it.
no one mentions lack of presents och contact, that's just how it is. there's no emotion in it, gifts have just been practical.

>hey it's your birthday next week, what do you want?
>i dont need anything
>ok,jpg

alternatively

>money

maybe i will start resenting them if i keep digging. in a way i feel like that would be an improvement, atleast then i could say that i have a relationship with my family. as it is now we're not even estranged

>>37044477
Ah, greying hair. The trademark of my fathers side of family. For me it started when I was 16. I was noticeably grey before I was even 20. My hair doesn't fall much either, so I'm just grey now. Well not completely, like half/half. It's pretty funny how genes work. Of course this coupled with facial hair and neanderthal face makes me look 35. Then again I was NEVER in my life asked for an ID. I already looked 10 years older when I started drinking.

I'm not going anywhere with this post. Just an anecdote about grey hair.

>>37044293
>I have to decide between being psychotic or being fat

False dichotomy. Just eat less calories. But count them. Every day.

>>37044641
Grey hair is cool desu

>>37044575
Good for her, it can't have been easy. I know that they're extremely competitive in Britain.

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>>37044431
>Areal schizoid has no interest in sharing with people, in any way whatsoever.
There's different types of schizoids. The definition is actually rather loose and includes people ranging from completely shut off persons who hardly behave like humans, to "secret" schizoids, who will publicly ACT sociable, putting on a front, essentially, while never actually revealing anything of themselves.
>Writing posts, in many ways, requires more than common offline communication: you need to type, to read, to take time for both
But on the contrary, writing posts requires so much less than real communication. You can do whatever you want between posts, be however you want in front of your computer, take all the time you need to write out whatever, you can lie and deceive, put on an infallible front and talk of things in extreme depth, without EVER revealing anything of yourself.
If you talk with people in the real world, you need to be there, present, interactive, reveal something of yourself simply by being there, they can see you, hear you, talk to you and whatever you say or do, STAYS in their memories, attached forever into their idea of you. Online however, on anonymous sites, which this still is, regardless of the temporary name, you can just leave the thread and start anew. Nobody will ever know who you are, or be able to connect you to anything you have said or been. A fresh start with every single post, a new persona, if you so desire, with no connections to anything.
>you may even have to click on a few gas stations if you don't have a diamond account like I do.
Patricians use the legacy captcha.
>Everyone who posts is a real human being, made of flash and bone, behind a computer or on his phone.
Yet, none of that is visible or tangible. You cannot see me, I cannot see you. You know nothing of me and if I want, I can abandon this name and be gone forever. Even return with another name, if I want.
>Some of the...
To you maybe, but that is not how I see it.

>>37044502
i think most people have the insight to just laugh at stupid stuff teens do. the more time that pass since it happened the funnier it'll get.

have you talked to the friend you shit talked about it?

>>37044641

I'm the other way. I grew a beard so students wouldn't think I was a fucking classmate, when I started, back in 2010.

I'm 34 for but I don't quite look it. Also very slim/fit bodyshape now. LO was ten years younger than me but nobody ever thought there was that much of an age gap between us.

>>37044693
>I know that they're extremely competitive in Britain.

They also need loads of cops.

>>37044502
To me that just seems like the typical stupid shit teens do when alcohol is present. You have two options:either wait it out and act when the video comes up, or talk to the person you think has the video in a joking manner (e.g. "Hey dude, remember when I was drunk as shit and I sent you that vid? Good times") in hopes that they respond positively

>>37044757
I can't trust the police, but if anything BLM has greatly increased my respect and my sympathy for them.

>>37044727
I grew a beard in middle school. It was certainly weird being one of the only kids at 11-12 with a full(ish) beard. Also usually never carded, probably a mix between beard and dead look in my eyes.

>>37044710
>writing posts requires so much less than real communication.

Yes and no. It requires more time, more discipline, typing, etc. For any post written, I could have spoken 10.

>>37044710
>You can do whatever you want between posts,

Plenty of people with whom you can do anything too.

As to lying, lying requires more work than telling the truth.

All the "good" sides you list also mean communication is less rewarding, though.

>>37044710
>Patricians use the legacy captcha.

I doubt it, because I'm pretty patrician myself and I don't use it. I heard of it, but no damn clue what it is. Diamond account all the way.

>>37044710
>Yet, none of that is visible or tangible. You cannot see me, I cannot see you. You know nothing of me and if I want, I can abandon this name and be gone forever. Even return with another name, if I want.

I know you aren't a dog. As to the rest, believe it or not, but people do it offline too. Literally.

>>37044710
>To you maybe, but that is not how I see it.

You need to experience epistolary love, then.

>>37044821
>It was certainly weird being one of the only kids at 11-12 with a full(ish) beard.

You had a beard at 11 or 12?

How the hell? Even if you could, why on earth? Kids that age don't even grow stubble. None of my older students even have stubble at 15 or so.

>>37044721
>i think most people have the insight to just laugh at stupid stuff teens do.

I don't know, I am not so sure about it

>the more time that pass since it happened the funnier it'll get.

I can understand that if I see that in 20 year I am probably not going to care much.

But it's been 4 years. I am not so sure it's enough. And I do look and sound insane in it.


>have you talked to the friend you shit talked about it?

He was not my friend, just a classmate. I would rather not ask him, I like to hope he forgot about it or deleted it. I don't want to make him remember.

>>37044880
>None of my older students even have stubble at 15 or so.
Really? From what I remember almost everyone had some kind of stubble when they were 15. Actually I had to shave since I was about 13.

>>37044106
Aw man, ignored again. I am never noticed.

By the way Nick, did you get chance to read through my response to your email and that text image?

>>37044933
Nobody cares about you, not even nobody

>>37044933
I've noticed you now Eh. How's it crackalackin?

>>37044880
I just let it grow because I didn't feel like shaving it also it felt good to be different and special in some way.

>>37044783
I hope the video never ever comes out.

I have a Google Alert with my name on it to warn me about it if it happens. At that point I will just contact him on the platform where he put the video. If he doesn't listen, it's the police.

If I act quickly I can avoid damages, maybe. It's still agony to think it could happen.

>>37044897
4 years is a long ass time.

is there a reason why he would decide to leak it now or in the future?

imagine the roles were reversed, it was you who had a clip on an old HDD of some dude you barely know talking shit. would you wake up one day several years later and decide that today was the day when it would be your turn to be the dick?

that said, im going to bed. i'll try to catch the thread tomorrow aswell

>>37044932
>Really? From what I remember almost everyone had some kind of stubble when they were 15. Actually I had to shave since I was about 13.

The first time I shaved, a little, was right before turning 16. It varies between people, but 13 is damn early to shave.

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>>37044845
>Yes and no. It requires more time, more discipline, typing, etc. For any post written, I could have spoken 10.
But it's not that effort I am speaking of, but the social nature of real life communication, which requires far more from the person. All this requires of me is to type and read, both of which I do rapidly and fluently, almost at the pace at which I would speak.
>Plenty of people with whom you can do anything too.
I have no such people. Never have had.
>As to lying, lying requires more work than telling the truth.
True, silence though, is the easiest.
>All the "good" sides you list also mean communication is less rewarding, though.
To an ordinary person, perhaps. That's why SPD is a personality disorder. Those interpersonal connections are something the average schizoid is not capable of, at least without treatment.
>I heard of it, but no damn clue what it is
Pic related.
>As to the rest, believe it or not, but people do it offline too. Literally.
Yeah, I've acted sociable when it was helpful, then cut off contact to everyone I've known like that. Walked out when feasible and never looked back.
>You need to experience epistolary love, then.
Not going to happen, I believe. I've never let anyone that close to me, online especially, since it can be avoided without being a complete cunt.

>>37044933

I always notice you. I just skipped responding to what was up because I answered that 5 times already. Regular posters come and ask that, I felt like letting others give a response.

No ill intent.

>>37044941

I've actually responded to it throughout this evening and sent it.

Still haven't read your LSD-loaded narrative, however. Eyes are heavy currently, will go to bed soon.

Im off to bed for today guys, have a great day or whatever, wherever you are

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>>37045100
Alright, will have a look now thanks.

>>37045123
Sleep snug

>>37045011
No reason, except sadistic revenge, I guess.

I don't know if I would do something like that.

If that someone was enough of a dick to me and I could get away with it without being sued for spreading a video of an underaged teen in an altered state without permission(which is a crime), I guess I could do it

If he knows about the risks he might never do it. But if he is retarded enough, I could be fucked.

One moment I feel like I'm superior to everyone else and want to be powerful and feared, and the next moment I just feel like a walking pile of garbage and want to disappear. Why does this happen

>>37045068
>But it's not that effort I am speaking of, but the social nature of real life communication, which requires far more from the person. All this requires of me is to type and read, both of which I do rapidly and fluently, almost at the pace at which I would speak.

That's a very big almost, unless you speak very slowly. Everyone gets much less from typing here than speaking. As evidenced by the vocaroo stuff.

Why would you get a special kind of captcha when you can ditch the whole process? I renewed my account today, fuck captcha.

I make more than the price of it in 30 minutes of work, and I guarantee the time spent on doing this shit reaches 30 minutes in less than a week. So a year of being captcha free for 20 bucks is worth it.

>>37044958
Nothing really going on. What about you?

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Time to crash. Keep it up. I'll be reading.

>>37044945
You cared enough to respond faggot.

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>>37045189
Not so much. Got really drunk yesterday, had a nice time. Did my first proper shift at my new job on Saturday. Not sure if you were in the thread last night but I posted a piece of writing that I did as I took acid many, many years ago. I'll post it again, should you be interested. Didn't remember it intersecting with the DID stuff but if you read it you'll see that it does.

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>>37045180
>That's a very big almost, unless you speak very slowly.
It simply depends on how clear I am on what I want to say. I type about as fast as I talk, which isn't really slow at all.
>Everyone gets much less from typing here than speaking. As evidenced by the vocaroo stuff.
I don't. Then again, I have no interest in any vocaroo or discord stuff.
>Why would you get a special kind of captcha when you can ditch the whole process?
Because 4chanX does it for me and it takes no real conscious effort.

>>37045271
Jesus Christ. That acid experience is almost indescribable. I would not want to be in your situation, and tripping on acid. As for yesterday, it sounds like you had a good day. I'm glad to hear it.

>>37045489
>>37045489
Well, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Feeling things on that scale is profound.

>>37045206
Good night Nick. See you tomorrow.
2 seconds unoriginoli.

>>37045602
One day, we will both return.
I honestly believe psychedelics would be the most helpful thing I could do right now. Damn laws!!!

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>>37045897
>Damn laws!!!

>>37045925
They make acquisition very difficult, though.

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>>37045996
I've heard from multiple junkies and undesirables that online purchases are easy as all hell, so long as you stick to small amounts. Few police forces have the resources or motivation to chase down occasional users like that. Sellers even provide free samples these days.

I'm mad all the time, and I don't know why. I can't remember the last time I've smiled outside of doing drugs and being with my friends. I push everyone away.

>>37046063
I just wouldn't dare.

>>37045897
One day.

Am i really that annoying to be banned from fucking everything

>>37047105
What have you gotten banned from?

i have anxiety and depression, i cant socialize with no one in college, im feeling hopeless