Are you keeping something bottled up, or are ashamed of something

i give myself headaches tensing up all the damn time.

You know how people say they feel they don't in this world?

I feel I don't belong in any world.

>>37000841
*don't belong in this world

I want my consciousness to be put out.

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>>37000649
Whether it was because they were too weak or because they simply didn't care, they're shitty people and I would laugh if it caught up with them.

I keep fapping to sissy fetish shit and want to become a qt trap. But I also think trans are just mentally ill and a blight on our society.

>>37000649
I feel like cutting myself everytime I see my scars
Me and my older cousin experimented by giving each other head
I still hear shit occasionally

>>37000841
wow
poignant and thought provoking

Sometimes I believe that people can read my mind and that I live in some fucked up crazy ass reality I don't really understand.

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>>37000649
i have an beastiality fetish
for some fucking reason my dick told my brain "hey, you know what's really hot and tottaly not wierd? girls getting destroyed by doggy cock"

i also envy normies,their minds are so simple and they don't realize our existence is a mere accident, if we were to me extinct right now the universe itself wouldn't be changed in the slightest, yet they live happily without fear

I think and relive the same things over and over each day. I'm losing more and more friends so it's all I can do.

i'm scared to do my job because i'm not thick skinned enough to handle backlash. "safe space" honestly sounds good rn

>>37000649
I hate how much low confidence I have and that I seemingly just can't change it.
Women don't see me as a sexual object/dating material.
Plebbitor tier faggots like to say that
>there's more important shit in the world bro xD
but let's be fucking honest here, a man heavily defines himself through his success with women. It's in our fucking nature. How can a man be content with not having sexual success and pretend that it's irrelevant without wanting to kill himself?

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I wish I could be more stoic.

I wish I wasn't such a little bitch.

I wish I was so fucking clingy and emotional.

How do I change such a basic aspect of my personality?

>>37000649
I know I'm attractive and good at talking to girls but I'm friendless and I have no idea how to translate my skills into actual sex or relationships. Every relationships I've tried has failed miserably.

>>37000649
>Nobody is here to judge.
wrong!
your problems are OUR entertainment

I am angry at the world because I have a desire for women but women pretty much universally find me repulsive. So, I have this constant urge nagging at me but no real way to satisfy it.

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>>37001153
actually typed character by character that nhentai link
i'm not disappointed

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>>37001233
Is it good?

Also dammit I though maybe somebody had an answer

I have a degenerate fetish for animals, haven't found women attractive since I was like 13. Every time I leave the house to commute to my shitty job at McDicks, I'm constantly thinking about this, and how depraved and defective my brain is. Literally my only joys in life are shooting, vidya and KMFDM.

>>37001248
only downside to it is that it's completly in chingchong tig bong

as to your question, can't really help ya since i don't have 2 moldy fucks to give to another humans or anything at all, INTP personality at it's finnest.

>>37000649

>talk out loud because I can't think a single thought in my head
>have discussions from multiple perspectives on what someone "might" say
>Disillusions of grandeur
>Flights of ideas
>Write shit on paper and stick it to the walls
>Bringe shop for useless shit
>Think down to the last detail on how I would do something and carry it out
>Always happy, nothing can bring me down
>Dont take social ques and never even register to regret
>Cycle between self regret and not giving a fuck multiple times a day.
>Laugh for no reason and in complete blissful laughter
>Hyper focus on projects
>Hyper Sexuality
>This lasts for weeks on end

I went off medication because I missed the rush/ideas/happiness of Hypo-Mania.

The blissful happiness/laughter, flights of ideas, and amazing rush I get are all back. But I'm pissing people off again. I'm going back to old habits that I love and are apart of my personality.

I'm conflicted.

>>37001248

I found it to be pretty average.
Some individual panels are on the high end, but overall there wasn't anything that interesting or especially appealing.

I fell in love with and subsequently abused a guy in high school, dropped out my junior year, got my GED and didn't last one semester at community college. I'm tottering on the edge of obesity, slowly but surely becoming my dad, who died when I was 14. My childhood house was foreclosed on and we didn't take anything me or my brother made for him as kids, he had everything posted up on his office walls. I have strange OCD habits about getting smeary fingerprints on certain things, like books or CDs, but happily cake my keyboard and mouse in dirt and oil and cum every minute of everyday. I shower only two or three times a week at best, at worst I can go a month. I have zero (0) friends, online or off. I've been listening to a lot of Joy Division and thinking about killing myself lately.

>>37000649
I'm in love with a girl I haven't even seen in three years.

I watched last night's suicide stream and didn't even feel bad. I wonder what people would think if they saw me watching that stuff

>>37001525
>I watched last night's suicide stream
???

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My mom died after 10 years of a particularly bad form of a painful illness. 10 years of doing whatever we could to make her life slightly better. Of her just getting worse and worse and worse and worse despite our efforts and the efforts of doctors, nurses. Dad started to drink, and now that she's dead, he just gave up on everything. Can expect no support from him. Didn't have a childhood, or teenage years. 10 years of stress, of sleepless nights, of rushing back home after school. Didn't even have time to feel lonely, sad, to have problems of my own. I hid, bottled up everything. Fucked me up, I think. And now I don't know how to function when she's not at the center of all my considerations. I don't know how to do things for myself. I felt sad, and also relieved when she died. Maybe angry at some of her friends who abandoned her during all these years. But now I just feel empty. Like I have no purpose.

I think I'm getting better. I'm trying to fill the void with my studies for now. I also started to work on myself to get in better shape and health. I bought some things I wouldn't have allowed myself to ask for before, like a decent computer. I'm not bad at social stuff at all, though I do have a bit of social anxiousness but that's from inexperience more than anything else, but I don't know how to make friends, lasting relationships. I don't know how to take the first step, so I'm stuck on "good acquaintance" level with everyone around me.

Also there's a very small chance I might have the same illness as my mother, which is something that haunts me at night.

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everyone thinks I want to be a lone wolf forever and just live alone

no I want a god damn family and i want to be a great fucking father. probably won't happen though

>>37001535
>>36973709
He didn't die but he tried pretty hard

>>37001522
That happened to me and she reappeared her first child and chaddy hubby. I felt sad and I still do, but I'm happy for them.

>>37001621
links
i have to see this

>>37001634
that's the link to the thread right there, the stream is gone

>>37001650
THAT IS A BUMMER

>>37001650
>holy shit op you dated michael jackson
my fucking sides
anyways OP is retarded for killing himself over some ugly bitch

>>37001624
She's dating guy she deserves right now. I'm glad she's happy. I want to be happy for her and sometimes I am but other times when I think about her my mind feels like it's made out of shattered glass.

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>>37001590
>really want to start a family
>a day won't go by withouth me imagining myself waking up to my kids running around the house
>imagining teaching my son everything a man needs to be strong and get through life
>imagine teaching my daughter to be the brightest star in the night sky
>imagine going through the happy & sad stages of life besides my loving wife and kids
>imagine living long enough bedies my wife to see both of my kids become adults
>TFW it'll never happen because i don't know how to express love so most women find me boring
>TFW even if i got into a relationship it would never last long enough

existence is pain

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Purpose. A purpose. All I long for in this world is a true purpose. Not getting up and slaving away for 8 hours a day at a job I hate. Not forcing a smile at all of the fake, mindless drones that surround me. Those are not my purpose.

I sit, an awkward observer, letting the hours tick by. Hours and hours. Day by day. Week by week. I can't even remember the last time I truly felt a real shred of happiness. Perhaps it was before I was born.

Im waiting for the time where I can throw away this life for a noble cause. I want to fight for something. I want to lay down my life for a greater good. I want to take up arms against the evil-doers in this society. Maybe then I can have a true purpose. And maybe then I can convince those like me, who are without purpose, to join the cause. Then we can all have a purpose together.

>>37001793
Gotta make your own purpose.

>>37000907
Sounds like ypu have conflicting feelings. Take some time to think about which l is right and which is wrong. I mean REALLY think about it. Society should not define YOUR feelings. I wish you the best of luck.

>>37000945
Kek, me n my male cousin did the same thing. i think we're both a little ashamed of it but at least we had the decency to not let such a secret out, dont tell me ur family knows anon? If nobody else knows tho, just forget about it. Humans are animals, we're curious and we sometimes do things that aren't exactly ideal behavior.

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>>37001729
that is quite literally the exact same feel I have man. I guess we can only sail the sea of life and hope we get lucky enough

I've only ever felt a genuine connection with another person once in my entire life. She's out of my life now and I'm left wishing I'd never known her because then I wouldn't know what I was missing.

Every time I think about her it's like I've reached into a packet of chips only to find it empty, only a thousand times more acute.

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>>37001880
Thanks anon, I hope you have a great day/night.

>>37001729
>when your fantasies support the same gender disparities that made your life garbage

I dryhumped with my sister while we were much younger and even had my dick slightly inside her. I feel like I should have fucked her if I think about it.

I just feel like everyone is acting and I can't bring myself to play along with them. Any friendships, sexual intercourse, or relationships I've had were spawned because I was pretending to be someone I'm not. People often ask me why I'm so quiet and I feel like I just have nothing to say, maybe I'm just a very boring person. But at the same time I eavesdrop and lurk on social media a lot and literally EVERYTHING feels fabricated about these people, such a weird world we live in.

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>>37000649
>Nobody is here to judge
You must be new here

>>37002625
I hear ya and on top of that, the people who I would want to interact with seem out of this world only reached through this screen.

>>37001793
Iktf fellow bot

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>>37000649
I made an incredibly stupid, reckless, ignorant, future/career pathway I planned out.
Even though I'm a weak, scrawny, ignorant fuckboy, who can't handle (let alone survive) real welding work under the intensely scorching hot sun, I chose to major in welding tech from a community college. I did this SOLELY to have some sort of an upper hand getting easily hired at my dad's workplace. It seemed simple in my little mind: Easy entry, easy job, easy money. While ignoring and erasing all critical factors, too. Such as Health and environment risks, High risk situations, Money for special tools, Legal Matters etc. I solely relied on hope and nepotism for this pathetic plan. All the while my parents constantly told me that I couldn't handle the real welding work field, and I ignored their advice and warnings, like a fucking moron. I've been having thoughts on either changing my major, OR finishing up my welding degree, since I'm close to finishing the course requirements, and then working a different job in an entirely different work field. Retail? fast food? Stock moving? it doesn't matter. Or, perhaps I can plead to my dad that I can at least work as a machinist at his work.

I've been talking to a girl irl. I know I'm just cucking myself, but I can't stop

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I'm obsessed with conformity. I require my interests to be validated by critics. I curate myself, I only like the "best" things and those "best" things have to be "best" for everyone else otherwise they're not the "best." I mimic the behavior of groups I linger amongst, it's as if I don't have a proper identity due to me merely adopting music, dress, and manners from pop culture. I have absolute disregard for whole people really feel, it's just me, me, me to no avail.

I fill up my lack of personality with menial things such as music, clothing, and regurgitated opinions on topics I have no idea of, just repeating what others have said.

>>37002028
I am terribly sorry, love

>>37001793

Are you me or something? I just want to have a bit of happiness. The smiles and laughs I do throughout the day are overshadowed by complete nihilism and insecurity.

>>37000649
I don't belong whatsoever. If it wasn't enough that I'm a foreign born shitskin, I'm robot tier and weird, pretty much outcast from my own ethnic group as well as the western one.

My parents hate me as well, don't why go on

>>37001233
for lazy anons
https://nhentai.net/g/166423/