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Does anyone else here feel that dark cloud hanging over them, the inescapable knowledge that no matter what you do, how well you do it, or how long you last, that it'll end when you take that wild ride on a noose?
I like to think I'm pretty well adjusted, I work, I've had relationships, vehicles, my own place, all the things you're told you need when growing up;
And still, I know the only way things will end is at the end of a rope. I've tried and am trying things to improve my situation but it's impossible to stick to it or believe you can succeed with that inevitable knowledge.
Tl;Dr can't keep trying because I know all my efforts are meaningless to the inevitable suicide.
No amount of well adjustment helps. Fucking 4chan is one of the only places that feels like home
I can't be the only one to feel like this. How do you deal with it? Persist against inevitable death?
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I don't really expect replies. Recently I've been using 4chan as sort of a message in a bottle, or a great wide cave mouth, wherein both I'm just shouting into the nothingness, the uncaring void. I don't expect a response, but the possibility it's been seen, that I can maybe be heard, or related to is enough. Sorry guys
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I'm out. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore
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>>36982362
im the same op. I always feel like that too, i dont even need to give my own account.
I think you might be afraid of trying something new. and it might be the answer, or just the good direction to go in.
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>>36982482
I've thrown myself into something new actually. I won't give details but I've staked everything on a new job, an apprenticeship, so I can force that change.
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>>36982362
I 100% get it, man. Ever since I was maybe 10 or so, basically old enough to be capable of imagining my own future, I couldn't see my life going on much past young adulthood, Somehow it still makes sense that I should just die like that.
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It's weird isn't it? When from the time you can feasibly conceive of a future all it is is a death at a young age, likely self inflicted, and the following void that comes and grows with each day lived past that expiration date.
You get to feeling like boxes goods in a grocery store, knocked behind your display, you know you're expired, but you have no idea when you'll be noticed and cleaned out, but until then, you're gathering dust in an uncomfortable position in the dark behind a shelf. Fuck
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>>36982434
yeah, you may as well anon
good luck for the future
I can't give advice, I'm pretty fucked too
not suciidal but in that limbo state where I'm waiting for death or for things to improve to a tolerable level
mental illness can be treated but never cured unless it wasn't serious to begin with
some people find a drug that keeps them sane, perhaps sub-normal human functioning for years with a bit of "happiness"
others don't, and no matter how much people give "advice" and yell at them to do X or Y that person is treatment-resistant. No words are going to fix years of awfulness anyway.
So good luck, anon. Hope you improve.
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>>36982751
Thanks friend. Who knows what will happen
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