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Anonymous
What is wrong with me ? 2017-05-10 05:12:50 Post No. 36916690
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What is wrong with me ? 2017-05-10 05:12:50 Post No. 36916690
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Ok so I've never had a serious mental evaluation and I really don't know too much about the nuances between mental disorders but I'm pretty sure a lot of you guys here may be able to give me some kind of preliminary diagnosis. Throughout my life I have considered myself fairly mentally stable although I have been dealing with anxiety for the past 6-7 years or so (panic attacks, constantly aware of my heart beat , trouble breathing some times, pain in chest followed by several visits to the doctor for them to reassure me that nothing is wrong with me). I did have a couple episodes where I could not calm myself down and I was convinced I was going insane when I a lot of coffee but anyways, about a year or two ago I was watching a simulation video on schizophrenia on youtube and it really scared the shit out of me (the idea that you hear actual voices just saying random things or insulting you etc). That night when I went to bed I was totally freaking myself out, I was constantly questioning myself if I was insane. I was really questioning the difference between my inner voice and an actual audio-hallucination and if I heard someone talk in the apartment next door i was freaked out if it was real or if it was me etc. It was difficult sleeping for 1-2 nights but I got over it. anyways fast forward to last week I was trying to really face my fears and smoke marijuana again (it used to give me panic attacks but I have had enough of them and thought that I need to train my mind to face my fears) and it went well for a while, I didn't have such a serious racing heart and I could calm my thoughts and enjoy the highs but then I went on a trip with some friends and for the past week I smoked weed couple times a day for a week and now I'm convinced I've lost control over my mind and thoughts. I'm fairly convinced that I may just have some mild OCD or Anxiety but I seriously cannot control my mind.
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>>36916690
>continuing
I have been having serious negative thoughts about whether or not I'll EVER be able to calm my mind down. My inner voice (not a hallucination) seems to rebel against me and have a rebuke to everything I say. "You are fine" "nah you aren't" and I can even go for like 1 hour with my inner voice just nagging at me saying like "kill yourself" "Kill yourself". I can control it, no doubt but its kind of like the "default". If I stop doing it, and realise "oh wow, i haven't thought it for a while" then voila, my rebellious mind starts doing it again.
Anyways I dunno if I've said enough for a preliminary evaluation.
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I am 27 btw, so not like I've dealt with this my entire life (besides the anxiety) but this is really new and I cant stop thinking that this will be my life from now on.
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>tl:dr can't stop my inner voice from criticizing me, having negative/abstract thoughts that have no logical consistency
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probably ocd
you should look into therapy maybe, don't let it grow, you need to be aware of your irrationnal fears and fight them
take time to calm yourself, you are not crazy anon
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>>36916690
>>36916745
>>36916781
calm down.
You smoked. You are high af.
drink some OJ if you can, and take a nap. Nothing is going to happen for the next hours.
I know it's hard sometimes, but always remember you are high after smoking weed.
It's 101.
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>>36916690
>>36916745
I can kinda relate to this, especially the heart and anxiety part. I can't stop feeling my own heartbeat and it's very annoying. I went to a cardiologist last week and he told me I'm fine and that I should get psychological help.
Sometimes I feel like someone else is living inside me, I can't control it no matter what.
Sometimes it feels very strange for me to be alive and conscious, I feel kind of disgusted and ashamed.
I am constantly embarassed and I hate everything I do, every action I take.
>negative thoughts
>criticizing myself for everything
>insecure as fuck
What do...
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>>36917725
Thing is, I smoked 3 days ago. It has been going on for the past couple days. when I was high it was even more terrifiying, just the look of my friends sometimes just invoked a sense of fear within me, like I was talking to the devil.
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>>36916690
It honestly sounds like you have legitimate hypochondria.
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>>36917628
Thanks for the kind words. I feel kind of comforted knowing that I really haven't dealt with serious mental issues until now but just reading sometimes about how schitzophrenia and bi-polar disorders can develop in your late 20s freaks me the fuck out and causes me to start questioning every one of my thoughts and actions. It could be OCD indeed, but even that freaks me out.
>>36917904
My doctor also told me to seek psychological help. If i overcome this, I'm still going to continue fighting my irrational fears and I would recommend it to you. Anxiety really is an ILLUSION. It is a primitive part of your brain that is telling you "YOU ARE IN DANGER! RUN! PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEART!" but you have to really use logic to fight this and try to stay calm. I still deal with anxiety but I have a sense of control over it. I know I won't die from my panic attacks so they only last 1-2 seconds rather than 5-15 minutes or even several hours/days like they did in the past.
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