The Call of the Void

ive had this constantly for years. good to know i am not the only one

All the time
I'm also extremely paranoid all the time about everything so I'm probably just crazy

>>36884599
All the time my friend. Always imagine what if i jump out the car door.

>>36884644
As a driver or passenger?

>>36884599
yes
>jumping in front of trains
>slamming my head onto a bandsaw
>jumping into the autobailer at work
>jumping off of tall buildings
>cutting off my own feet

>>36884616
same

>>36884855
>cutting off my own feet

This one is the only confusing thing you mentioned, since the other things would imply death rather than just maiming. Care to explain?

>>36884894
>Care to explain?
no idea how or why

>>36884925
Fair enough, that seems like something that couldn't really be explained in a rational, coherent manner.

Mine seem to be more around hurting people emotionally

>mom and her friend come to visit me overseas
>I agree to show them around
>kind of a pain but they're really enjoying themselves, talk about how I made their trip really fun, thank me profusely
>shortly before they leave, get the urge to tell them how much of a pain it was
>know this will utterly ruin the memory of the trip for them
>all the memories and photos of places they'd been to with me would be tainted

Another time

>be language exchange friends with this older woman for years (40s or 50s)
>talk over skype every week or so
>finally meet up and she shows me around places
>had revealed earlier I was basically her only friend
>tells me about her personal life, really seems to trust me
>when we met up had the urge to randomly be violent and ruin the friendship
>she'd probably never make another friend in her life and never be able to trust strangers again
>could really isolate her even more by doing it

I feel like a monster. Why do I want to destroy the beautiful things in my life?

I get this shit all the time. Most vivid one is easily washing knives and thinking about stabbing anyone close to me.

>>36885156
Having the thoughts is ok but just try not to act on them. Your family and friends depend on you and you are precious to them, just remember that.

>>36885156
I also often have the urge to say really mean things that I know would be hurtful to friends and family but have to resist the temptation. It's not a good feeling.

>>36884599
All the time. I think about jumping into traffic jumping from heights slitting my throat with sharp objects and things like that.

Yeah, whenever something quick and deadly is near me I try my best to get away to fight this instinctive suicide, and yet I have no suicidal thoughts

>>36884599
It's a relief to know I'm not alone. Driving or heights are what trigger me.
Also brutally murdering small children or cute pets. I find the latter far more disturbing than any thoughts of suicidality.

>>36884837
Yes.

I've got the standard suicide ones
>jump in front of train/car
>crash the car on purpose

But while I was fry cooking, I had some more pain-related ones
>putting my arm in the deep fryer
>planting my face on the grill

>>36885308
>Yes.

Okay thanks for clarifying.

> https://cpnp.org/resource/reference/88955


BACKGROUND: The experience of a sudden urge to jump when in a high place has been speculated to be associated with suicidal ideation; however, scant data has informed this speculation. We termed this experience the high place phenomenon (HPP) and proposed that it stems from a misinterpreted safety signal (i.e., survival instinct). The present study aimed to assess the prevalence of the HPP, to provide evidence that the phenomenon is not exclusive to suicide ideators, and to explore the role of anxiety sensitivity in the phenomenon.

METHODS: 431 undergraduate college students completed online measures of lifetime frequency of experiencing the HPP, suicidal ideation, anxiety sensitivity, depressive symptoms, and history of mood episodes.

RESULTS: The HPP was commonly reported in the general population, even among participants with no history of suicidal ideation. There was a significant correlation between anxiety sensitivity and the HPP, and this relationship was moderated by level of current suicidal ideation. Particularly, the relationship between anxiety sensitivity and the HPP was potentiated among participants with low levels of suicidal ideation.

LIMITATIONS: The cross-sectional design of the study limits the strength of the conclusions that can be drawn.

CONCLUSIONS: The HPP is commonly experienced among suicide ideators and non-ideators alike. Thus, individuals who report experiencing the phenomenon are not necessarily suicidal; rather, the experience of HPP may reflect their sensitivity to internal cues and actually affirm their will to live.

>>36884599
Yeah but it's been a long time. I had it a lot when I was a teenager and when I was in relationships. It's like letting some manic, masochistic, wild animal take over and just going apeshit. It feels great while it's happening, but when it doesn't bring you the sweet release you crave the consequences are invariably terrible.

>>36885672
>It feels great while it's happening, but when it doesn't bring you the sweet release you crave the consequences are invariably terrible.

So what did you actually do?

>>36884599
Intrusive thoughts are pretty common, yes.

>>36885403
Why do you think you have those pain-related thoughts? Curiosity?

Come to think of it I don't get these kind of thoughts when seriously suicidal.
Strange

All the time. My most common fantasy is ripping my spine out from the bottom.

Me too zzzz zzz zzz doot taritu doot doot doot
I must say it more zz zzz zzz some say it's OCD b b but b b but b b but idk zzzii zzzii zzziii this is all a dream

>>36887138
That's pretty fucking metal 2bh.

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>studying for hours
>fucking bored and frustrated
>think about jamming the pen into my jugular

>see woodchipper
>want to jump in

>want to say really mean things to friends and family

And the usual ones like jumping from heights, jumping in front of cars and causing accidents while driving.
the studying one is the most frequent tho

>>36887173
I sincerely think about it all the time, especially when I'm lying in bed with any sort of back pain.

>>36884599
It makes sense. When you're high above the ground, your first instinct is to get to lower ground where it's safer. This is most easily accomplished by jumping.

>>36887515
That makes no sense. It's like saying to unload a gun to make it safer to handle, you must expend the ammunition by shooting yourself.

Yeah, it's completely normal. It happens to everyone.
It's just your mind playing tricks on you

I've had it since a child. One time we went to Ireland when I was 9 and there was this cliff which everyone else went and looked over. But I couldn't do it because it was like a force drawing me over the edge and I knew if I stayed there I'd jump. Had to go back and sit in the car.

>>36885156

Even that is already a concept

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Imp_of_the_Perverse

I hate it when it happens. It's like a sudden mindset that's hard to get out of when you notice it's there, but just like when you're breathing manually you just forget about it again eventually. It's like there's a real devil on your shoulder egging you on, and he's hard to ignore.

I get this all the time, but i also get a similar feeling when there is the opportunity to physically harm or kill another person around me
Is this normal?

>>36887711
Yes, it's called "homicidal ideation"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homicidal_ideation

>>36887742
So is that just an independent thing or is it caused by something else

>>36884599
i always want to jump off a bridge and it fucking terrifies me, or if im on some high place, then i wanna jump if theres possibility (like theres no window so i wanna jump, or open window then i wanna jump, but im so fucking afraid)

>>36887828
Yeah, me too.
I'm not scared of heights, I'm scared of the thoughts and ideas that come to me at heights.

>>36884599
Seems like a pretty universal experience desu.

I have something similar to this but instead of killing myself, i want to kiss people who I'm talking to.

>>36884599
I sometimes have the urge to punch someone next to me for no reason

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>>36884599
everyone thinks about this

>>36889780
I don't know. People seemed pretty confused when I was fearing for my life at this basketball event because of my overwhelming thought of throwing myself off the ledge that was right in front of me.

"why don't you think about happier things"