Psychological Issues #53

So you've revived. Welcome back

>>36794358
you do good work nick. communication is the answer. I drink/dab a lot though. self-medication is way too easy. it's not as good an answer as communication.

>>36794513

Hello you. I'm more dead than I've been in a while, but I'm here.

>>36794519

I believe that too.

Talking of meds, I have some. Bought them on Wednesday, still haven't taken a single pill. It's supposed to relax my nerves within 15 minutes and is plant-based. It's called "Relaxane" because that's fucking original. I should at least try once, or I won't have anything to say to my therapist about it, though that absolutely does not scare me, though it would have some time ago.

Have we met before, fel?

Hello, how are you?

I hope yesterday's thread was good in your eyes.

I'm so nervous about the dinner tonight, the wait is killing me

>>36794562
>It's called "Relaxane" because that's fucking original. I should at least try once, or I won't have anything to say to my therapist about it, though that absolutely does not scare me, though it would have some time ago.
Good. Don't think of it as something that's supposed to cure you. Just something to make it easier to live.

>>36794562
yeah. I used a different name that I do not remember. I complained about academia and how I felt empty or depressed or something along those lines. I kept forgetting to put the name in.

This is a name I will remember. What's in those pills? Do you do other drugs? You should probably try at least one of the pills (unless you're also on other drugs, kinda hard to tell if it works if you are).

>>36794604

So am I. I've been thinking about it since I came home. I hope you'll have fun, but remember to look for odd shit: no family member, too much room around the table, food that was bought recently, etc.

And pepper spray.

You did a great job yesterday, people were content.

>>36794630

Hi Dan. I know, but I still haven't taken it.

>>36794857

I don't do drugs. Far too scared of altered states of consciousness, since that's what I'm on all the time and have been for months. It's pure hate.

>>36794879
>So am I

Thanks for the concern, I'm sure it'll be fine. (I hope)

>You did a great job yesterday, people were content.

Thank you, I really enjoyed it. I think Meta did a better job than me after he left, he was excellent

>>36794902
I'm scared of unaltered states of consciousness. Drinking right now, in fact! I no longer know what it would be like to be completely sober for a week.

Even if we are opposites, you are not alone in your feeling.

>>36794943
Meta did do a good job. I was sorry to have missed you though

>>36794902
>I don't do drugs. Far too scared of altered states of consciousness, since that's what I'm on all the time and have been for months. It's pure hate.
That's a good decision. Some of the stories that junkies told me. Some drugs (like mushrooms) tend to amplify your mental state. One of them described his state as sitting still for hours seeing a huge sphere of negative experiences form before him, afterwards it flew at him and then he felt extremely shitty for a couple hours, couldn't move, just felt like shit.

Yeah, if you are not mentally sound, stay away from drugs.

>>36794944

I appreciate the thought.

>>36794957

That's basically it. I had an intense bad trip on Zoloft a million years ago, doctors didn't even believe me. Very careful about meds now.

>>36794943
after I left*

>>36794957
I tried mushrooms, started laughing and could feel my soul begin to leave my body. Grounded myself when I realised it was happening though. Uninteresting otherwise desu

Ethan, I'd like you to update me through the evening, if you can, so I don't worry too much.

Woud that be possible?

>>36794979
Do you think I'm wrong or bad?

>>36795000
Mushrooms really do make you feel like you're dying. Or at the very least, poisoned. Some I know experience visual hallucinations that I do not.

>>36795000

Trips.

I tried a little bit of them, and got so far as having mad giggles, but that was all. Shrooms taste like wet socks mixed with paper.

>>36795017
>Do you think I'm wrong or bad?

Neither, I think you're in pain and making efforts to stay away from it, though those efforts might, in the longer run, bring more pain.

>>36795017
I've only had that dying feeling once, and that was on spice. Went to hospital, should have just rode it out though really. Wouldn't recommend.

>>36795027
Yeah, shit-tier drug in all.

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This is a long one.

>tfw pushed everyone who ever cared about me away my whole life because I believe I can live all alone
>even my imaginary jap friends by doing a robot run of p4
>tfw instinct for human contact makes me feel like shit for being alone despite its futility as I am just a mess of anxieties and insecurities where a person should've been
>tfw know that browsing r9k does nothing to help but magnify my insecurities to a ridiculous point where I feel like an absolute subhuman freak when I'm around other people and have to check the mirror every time I can to comfort myself a bit
>dont even speak or act in fear of committing a blunder
>when i do, constantly think I did anyway
>voice almost always fades into a mumble
>thought that losing weight would at least give me some confidence and alleviate my anxiety somewhat
>nope, everything is the same, maybe even worse
>feel discomfort behind eyes, scalp tingling, and heart beating a bit faster when around a lot of people

Wonder if im just a weak faggot.

>>36795013
Yeah I could do it from my phone. I'll tell you when I'm about to get there as well in case I can't talk to you during it for whatever reason, and then I'll tell you about it afterwards

>>36795039
You're not wrong. I tried sitting in the pain for while though, and that sure was unpleasant. Then I found drugs. Like I said, I'm scared to be sober again. The drugs give me some modicum of control.

I've started to talk to a friend of mine that happens to be gay. I have problems with self control, so I flirt with him a bit.

>>36795062

I know exactly what you have. You feel like you need permission to breathe and you feel bad for taking up space, don't you.

You have severe boundaries issues, you're not sure where yours are and where others' begin, or even if you have any, and if you knew that, you wouldn't know how to defend them and why.

I'll wager that your parents were very unlike you, but that's a guess.

>>36795067

Take a piss break post or something.
>>36795093

What causes you pain?

>>36794358
Welcome back to the land of the somewhat living! How was your ban?

>>36795215
>Take a piss break post or something

Will do. I'll try to keep you as informed as possible

>>36795249

As delicious as ravioli. I watched the whole thread, until I fell asleep.

>>36795261

Please do, if you can.

>>36795162
>>36794358
I forgot to give you a (you). Anyways how are you Nick?

>>36795215
It was loneliness. I met my now wife, things got better. Still is a little bit lonely, but now mostly complete destruction of my self-esteem due to academia. It's so hard to care to do anything. If I were sober for a few weeks, would I regain my motivation? I dab daily and drink nearly as often, to the point of addiction; it is difficult to stop.

>>36795285
That was the real me, and glad you lurked

>>36795295

I cried so hard on the way to work that I almost crashed.

Once I got there, I dry-heaved for a full minute right outside my car.

A tear-raped face on, I went to work. I worked well. I didn't falter during the classes this time.

You?

>>36795299

Drinking will get you down. Your brain will take a hit fairly often and physically shrink, which won't make you dumber, but more reactive to negative feelings like stress, fear, anxiety, and depression.

You should go sober, yes.

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>>36794358

How to get motivation to do things and actually act on it? I procrastinate and put things off a shit ton. I always give excuses (Sometimes valid), say "I'll do it later", or I get anxious about it and push it out of my mind.

Also after almost 2 years of NEETdom how do I get a decent job in my field? Time flew like hell after graduation. I have a four year degree, but not really any substantive experience. I'm also anxious about looking for and applying for jobs.

Good therapy today. Worked out some things that I perhaps couldn't have on my own. I've been puzzling over why the angel is back and in his more antagonistic form and it's because there are powerful shades of his 'origin'. I will greentext some backstory for you:

>Have just been disposed of by a probable narc girl
>Recoiling, I go through a massive shift
>Was in a heavy 'princess' phase
>Extremely flamboyant
>Outwardly gay
>[spoler]Regulars can guess that there was a little more going on here[/spoiler]
>Very skinny
>Dating men exclusively
>Make a good friend
>She is reticent, quiet, gets excluded and things
>Instantly get an imouto feel and want to help her
>Much as I try to help she acts hostile and I don't know why
>She says she needs a BDSM relationship
>Gets angry with me
>Upset because as far as I'm concerned we're platonic bffs
>Extremely stressful
>She demands something I can't do; something I hate
>The angel answers

This isn't my earliest memory of him - I think I've mentioned that before - but it may have been the first time he operated through me. Now, the parallel with the modern day adds up. Someone whom wished only to befriend put me in a position where I felt forced to do something to keep their friendship, even though I hated it. When you look at it that way it's no wonder he resurfaced.

The deeper question might be whether he originated all the way back when I was abused - whether by the sexual abuser or by my parents in some form - in response to the same stimuli.

>>36795399

If you're depressed, all these things will be abnormally difficult and you will likely assume it's just all your fault, making things worse.

I suspect you suffer from depression and don't realise it.

Do some tests:

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>>36795367
You sound like a very respectable person. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I've been better lately.

>>36794358
>be a transman, or FTM if you prefer
>longterm victim of bullying from girls
>sexual abuse too
>pathologically afraid of women
>raised by a feminist family
My folks think I'm trans due to teh patriarchy teaching me to hate my body.
Other people say it's because I'm traumatized and hate women.
I do hate LGBT environments. They're full-on feminist places and I'm allergic to that.
I'm also heterosexual. Never want to sleep with a woman or get near one, though.
No idea how to sort this out. I'm genuinely allergic to feminism. You mention girl power or anything like that, I'm gone.

>>36795407

Interesting.

What did the BDSM girl want you to do to her?

>>36795456
This shouldn't come as a surprise to you, but I don't really remember. I think there were candles involved at one point, but that's it.

>>36795385
I am being honest here, do you have medical/bio training (I am very bio)? I recently did 30 days no drinking, and the very hour the 30 was up I had beer and loved it. Towards the end of the 30, I was getting angry every day and snapping at everyone around me (I did not stop the bud during the 30). I haven't been like that since. This evidence is anecdotal, but what do you make of it?

>>36795436

I used to feel respectable, I'm not sure anymore. I suffer from toxic core shame now and I can't be proud anymore. My self-judgement does not lie in my own hands.

Are you still going to see a therapist?

>>36795452

Are you an actual transsexual?

Have you been to a therapist?

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>>36795476

Have you, or one of you, ever decided to cut someone off against others' opinions? Meaning, the rest of you. Or just you.

>>36795521
I'd talk to you about that in private, since it's more personal than usual

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>>36795477

Anger may be coming from anxiety. Like a pressure valve. What do you think?

>>36795543

Go ahead, you know where my ear is.

>>36795489
I still need to figure out transportation. If I can find something I'm going to go. Also, if you wake up every morning wanting to die, but you still make it to work, and work hard that is respectable.

>>36795559
Definitely. My family is riddled with it, and I know I must suffer from it as well. Anxiety from what though? Not drinking? I guess it's not necessarily a fair assessment because I didn't stop smoking during the 30, but I would have thought the anxiety from not drinking would have died away as time went on. Or anxiety from something else?

But, right now, I feel really really good even though I was feeling bad before. Why feel bad when it doesn't make that much of a difference? I'm not inarticulate, I still understand logic and morality. I am fucked up though. It's a crutch, to be sure. A very difficult decision, but much easier to make when you aren't addicted.

>>36795500
>an actual transsexual
Uh, yeah? I think I was pretty clear on that.

I have a therapist, yeah. To help me with the sexual abuse in my past.

>talked about problems in an earlier thread
>took some tests
>got ignored in the end
Fuck this guy

>>36795636
did it again. not quite sure how that happened. guess I responded to another thread!

>>36795608

Respectable. Good you tell me because I never thought of it that way.

>be me
>be trying desperately to keep the nausea in and not dry-heaving in front of my 14 students, who are only 10 years old
>have to stop speaking because I might just dry-heave all over the place
>"Sir, what's wrong?"
>"Nausea."
>"Are you going to faint?"
>"I hope not."

Is nausea connected to fainting in popular culture? I know it often is for me, but is that so well known that a ten-year-old kid would connect the two? What's up with that?

>class ends
>I walk very fast towards the nearest toilet
>dry-heave for 15 minutes
>tears streaming down my red face
>back muscles so tense they'll hurt for a 24 hours straight
>an absolute mess
>see self in the mirror
>respectable

I do get the job done.

>>36795654
We're going to ignore you again starting now.

>>36795477
This is interesting. When I go stints dry, it's the first 1-3 weeks where I'm at my most hostile. After a month I've usually calmed way down.

>>36795636
>Or anxiety from something else?

From something else.

Tell me about your parents.

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>>36795424

I'm on anti-depressants and have seen 2 therapists.

>>36795677
I'll kill you you fucking cunt, let's see you ignore me then

>>36795672
>I do get the job done
That's all that matters.

>>36795637
>Uh, yeah? I think I was pretty clear on that.

You said transman FTM, which I thought meant transsexual female to male, but could also mean just transgender female to male.

Is the connection between your desire to be male obviously related to your past abuse? Do you think all transsexuals want to be the other sex for comparable reasons?

>>36795654

Post the result again. I never ignore anyone except obvious trolls. But I may miss a post, or go to bed.

>>36795677

Eh doesn't realise how his words will impact others, don't mind him. He means no harm, this time.

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>>36795721
Personally I'd like to see it. My money wouldn't be on you atm but I'd like to see it either way. Pls take a name. We could do with a new member.

>>36795688
It was also a lot of food restrictions (look up whole30). I was joking how bad I wanted beer for a while, but after ~2.5 weeks, I got ravenous for alcohol. After all 4 weeks I was DYING for it.

>>36795702
Not together; mom couldn't (and wouldn't) save dad from the drink. It's a miracle he's alive. Guess I got good and bad genes.

>>36795742
It looks like I was wrong.

>>36795715

What came of therapy? Why two?

>>36795721

Don't mind Eh, he has zero empathy towards other people, unless he chooses to feel some feels.

Focus on me, I'm not ignoring you, but you need a name.

>>36795758
I do. I meant to hurt him. He was being a dick.

>>36795764
>Not together; mom couldn't (and wouldn't) save dad from the drink. It's a miracle he's alive. Guess I got good and bad genes.

Forget about genes for now. Why did your father drink?

>>36795786
Do you want to be hurt? No? Then why hurt others?

>>36795786
>I do. I meant to hurt him. He was being a dick.

He meant to expres how hurt he had been by being ignored in a previous thread.

If you focused on why people say things, it'll help your empathy, because once you understand why people do things, you don't get upset so much. I didn't get upset or hurt at all because all I saw was this anon's own pain, not an attack on me even if he said to "fuck" me.

See?

>>36795800
Dunno, he's not very talkative. It ramped up when his mam died.

>>36795804
If he's blatantly trying to insult a person I hold in high regards he deserves it.

>>36795828

I appreciate your kind words to me here.

I hadn't actually thought this would be your motivation for it. Interesting.

I guess I still don't get used to being appreciated.

>>36795786
>He was being a dick.
Fuck you, I was completely ignored in favour of other people and I was being the dick? I'm automatically the bad guy? Figures, just like in real life I'm always the fucking bad guy because I won't take people's shit. You bastard, you absolute fucking bastard.

>>36795841
This guy is a narc

>>36795823
I know he was hurt. He was lashing out at you, because of his own pain. He's not helping himself by doing this though, so I basically told him to fuck off in a different way.

>>36795828
Comradery is important. But wouldn't you rather gain comrades than create enemies?

>>36795841
I get why you're pissed. It's okay though. just stay here with us.

>>36795841

Please, calm down, you've read my words, you know what I think. I don't think you're a dick and I would like to straighten things out. I can assure you I didn't ignore you. I may have missed your post, however. If you had no name, I may have missed it all the more.

Can you remind me what you told me of you and repost your test results?

>>36795860

I don't think so. He's just hurt and feels slighted.

>>36795860

Disregard what I said, I suck dicks.

>>36795841
Kek, you're talking to the wrong guy here. Your banter isn't doing anything besides making my day. You should try to rationalize things. He may have simply missed your posts. Nick misses my posts often, but I don't go on a bitch fit.

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>>36795924
>Nick misses my posts often

I do?

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>>36795769
Both didn't really work and it was a waste of time and money.

>>36795897
Touche

Origami

>>36795873
This is an anonymous messaging board, why the fuck should I really care.

>>36795944

I'm interested in knowing more if you're up for it. I'd like to know how therapy fails. So I can make it work.

>>36795897
Surprised that this is unoriginal, I have to say

>>36795952

Disregard that, I suck old rusty vaginas.

Is it bad to pretend to be a girl online just to have someone to talk to?

Kek i do this more often than I'd like to admit.

>>36795937
Yeah, I make posts that you miss. An example >>36795162. Either you see them, and ignore them, or you miss them.

>>36795952
why indeed, anon. why. indeed.

My parents got divorced super early and I loved with my mom until 13ish. She was under a ton of stress but the situation she raised me in definitely left some scarring. I moved to my dad's to get away from it.

Now at 20 my mom has figured things out and helps to make things better, but by doing so I see that I'm covering up for a lot of shit my dad did that scarred me as well. Like pushing me to do shit I didn't want to and getting way too angry over simple shit. Combine these two halves with the constant fighting between parents and their belittlement of the other and I honestly don't know how to look up to someone anymore.

My dad still does the same shit but he's definitely calmer now. Talks shit about my mom and I want to say something but I'd rather not end up homeless.

Moving out to college in August tho and I think I might never come back. Every day I just want to leave these two behind but I know that might hurt the situation they're in even more.

Sucks man.

>>36795962
Kek, that's pretty original.

>>36795989
>>36795989
No. Nor is it wrong to pretend to be a girl in video games so losers give you phat loot imo. It is funny though.

>>36796010
This, Bort don't be ashamed.

>>36795162

I completely missed that one. I don't understand how I miss this many posts. It's making me worried.

>>36796007
Actually, that wasn't original.

>>36796037
If you miss mine I don't really care too much. I'm just point out that you miss about three of mine per thread.

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>>36795953
I didn't get any results. I wanted to move forward and all I did was show up to the session empty handed (Most of the time).

Constant procrastination is a huge problem. I always put things off saying "I'll do it later" and it never happens.

>>36795839
You deserve it Nick. You really do.

>>36796037
Believe me, you miss alot, but we can't stay mad at you, you're not obligated to do this.

>>36796037
Maybe you should stop posting.

>>36796100
Not him, but maybe.

>>36795997

Describe things your parents do or say. Share some anecdotes.

>>36796082
>>36795839
To add to this, I mentioned long ago how I really admired Captain America because he always does the right thing. He thinks the best. He tries hard. Even when he's suffering he doesn't take it out on others. He keeps the faith. Well, you're living it. Most people can't do what you do, and you have my respect and my admiration for that.

>>36796129
Maybe not I don't know Nick, I'm calling you out.

>>36796062

It's sometimes in the OP that I miss posts and that I should be kindly reminded of my misses.

>>36796080

How do you show up to a session empty-handed, what does that mean? You were given homework?

>>36796137
Until he switched sides, and he was like, "Hail Hydra." As a quote goes, you either die a good guy, or you live long enough to become the bad guy.

>>36796100
Hey troll, where'd you go?
Oh oh ooo oh.
Hey troll where'd you go?

There's not enough neeblood around here, is r9k dying?
I want to banter.

>>36796132
My mom has settled down quite a bit but she used to yell at us and call us shit on the smallest screw ups. She was raising 5 kids at once, but even I can see it was a little overboard. She beat me a couple times when I was 8 or 9 but usually apologized immediately after.

My dad used to push me to play sports way past the point I knew I didn't want to. He told me once after I quit baseball at like 12 that he has a 2 shit daughters and should have traded us in for one average boy.

He's never apologized for any of it and I've never asked him to because just talking about it hurts me and he would probably get angry about it. He had a shit childhood too, like his dad use to make him skip school to work extra in the fields and his stepmother would starve him. We never talk much about each other just what we're doing.

>>36796196
Or until some fucking
>[REDPILLED MENINIST FILTH]
>[UNSOLICITED OPINIONS ABOUT ISRAEL???]
This is a /co/ joke
hacks write total nonsense about your character. Remember that any long running comic character such as him has been written by a great many people and some of them are willng to ruin the legacy of the character for the sake of making a name for themselves or even just making a quick buck. In all likelihood it will go the way of US Agent: Commie Smasher

>>36796099
>Believe me, you miss alot
Could you get off his fucking case, dude? You're an ungrateful prick

>>36796277
Yeah, and it's a shame to see people ruin a character, because of their own greed.

>>36796333
Did you even finish reading my post?
Get fucked.

>>36795924
>banter
kys, please. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you and everyone you love die. I sincerely hope you experience the worst pain a human being can suffer, you absolute trash.

>>36796082

Thank you.

>>36796099

In very popular thread, I don't respond to everything, because others have already; that happens too.

>>36796100
>>36796129

Kek be praised.

>>36796137

That makes the heart tingle, but I probably don't live up to Mr. America.

(Phone alert, be back soon.)

>>36796333
Yeah Bort back the fuck off. You're really triggering me. God damn like god damn man just fuck off.

Good evening Nick!

>>36796363
Get the fuck out of this thread if you don't appreciate Nick. He's arguably the BEST thing that's happened to this board and you're acting like a spoiled child. Your parents should have beat you harder

>>36796343
You just have to ignore it/ write it out of your headcanon imo. For example, they ruined Carol Danvers as well. She was an alcoholic C-PTSD train wreck with super strength, and now she's finelol? Extremely disrespectful to a character that had a real place in the universe. By 'curing' her, the writers disrespect those who have something in common with her and undermine everything that happened to her.

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>>36796371
I don't love anyone, why do you think I'm here?

I don't feel like a real man because I haven't had sex at 26 years old.

I'm not even all that interested in actually having sex (I dislike intimacy), just the fact that pretty much everybody has had at least one sexual encounter at this age makes me incredibly insecure.

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>>36796173
I was given things to do like "Find 3 jobs" or "Apply for 3 jobs". Or "Spend time at the library for 2 hours". I could find the jobs at the last minute and I stayed at the a couple times library, but did nothing while in there.

>>36796418
That's actually a good point Facet.

>>36796418
Can you recommend some Danvers where she's like that? Never been interested in her but you've peaked my interest

>>36796407
>He's arguably the BEST thing that's happened to this board
Major emphasis on "arguably," Nick should kill himself instead of playing armchair psychologist

How do I apologize to someone after destroying their stuff, threatening to kill them, blaming them for all my problems and nearly getting us sent to jail because they refused to kill me when I was drunk? I'm drinking right now btw.

>>36796373
It's not just that, either. Above all else, Rogers is a leader; an inspiration. He hits the friendly friendship points pretty hard. What's happened when you've been away? People have taken up the mantle in your stead. Others have wanted to aid you in your own. Even those whom others would write off as 'bad people' (myself included) have rallied behind you.

All that in mind, when you're struggling just remember that. Remember the unity that you engender, that you bring out the best in people and that you help them. I wouldn't be in extra therapy without you. Plenty of other people have pointed out the difference you've made to them as well.

Hang in there.

>>36795672
You can try a bit of sea-sickness meds eg diphenhydramine for nausea anon

>>36796407
Yeah man, like just fucking yeah man. I'm so glad I have these original ideas. Like holy fuck man, I love Nick so much man, but I'm not gay man. No I'm not gay, even though I'd suck his dick, but oh man I'm not gay.

>>36796496
Not off the top of my head. I wll google it though, because it was really great. Just showing up for missions wasted, smashing through the enemy not really caring about collateral damage and going home to cry while everyone is left to apologise and wondering what to do about her was great, and relatable as well.

>>36795734
Oh! I'm sorry if I seemed a bit defensive about that. To put things simply: I live (and fully pass) as a man and am in the process of getting a male ID, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

>Is the connection between your desire to be male obviously related to your past abuse?
Not obviously, no. Having been abused makes things more complicated though, cause being trans has to do with genitals and that can be influenced by sexual abuse. But during my transitioning years I realized the two were separate issues.

>Do you think all transsexuals want to be the other sex for comparable reasons?
Absolutely not. I can't speak for any other trans than me, and the way I experience it, gender and sexual abuse are separate issues.

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>>36796509
NO MAN NOOOOOOLOO
FUCKING KILL YOUR DOG MAN JUSY FUCKING DO IT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREERERRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>36796510
Were they drunk too?

>>36796407
Get filterd.
Trolls don't deserve a (You)

Why can't I drink like a normal person?

Its like even if I try to stay not too drunk on a night, I'll get to a point where all of that goes out the window and when I reach a certain point of drunkenness I'm on a death wish with alcohol, I won't stop until I'm blackout drunk.

Can anyone recommend any advice?

>>36796509
Like I said, feel free to get the fuck out of this thread, I'm sick of seeing people insult the God Emperor. He could very easily be the next Freud or Jung
>>36796552
I'm not gay for Nick at all. I just can't usually feel anything for anyone, but somehow he makes me feel something. Idk, it's like a warmth. I have trouble with feelings and empathy so this is new for me

>>36796496
https://www.amazon.com/Ms-Marvel-Vol-1-Best-ebook/dp/B00AAJR202/?tag=ifanboycom-20
This is from her headfucked run. This is the costume you're looking for, in general.

Also look for anything where Danvers identified as Warbird. That covers much of her darkest period. Ms. Marvel is ok but once she becomes Captain Marvel she's not interesting anymore really.

Also read this quick rundown:

http://comicbookdb.com/character.php?ID=4071

>>36796473
Pls respond

I really could use some help.

>>36796806
>I'm sick of seeing people insult the God Emperor. He could very easily be the next Freud or Jung
You having fun with that dick in your mouth?

Oh, a last note on Danvers: I bet most of you watched the X-Men 90s cartoon. At some point you probably wondered
>So Rogue's superpower is draining mutant's powers on touch, right? So how come she can fly and has super strength as a passive?
The answer is that she grabbed Ms Marvel, drained her until she was apparently dead and tossed her aside. Tee hee what a Southern Belle! ^^

>>36796650
Nope, they weren't.

>>36796521
What are you up to Facet?

>>36796773
smoke weed instead

more seriously, has there been alcoholics in your family? you could be predisposed to addiction. if this is the case you should try to cut drinking entirely because you're not gonna want to manage your drinking once you're drunk and your inhibitions are gone, being drunk in and of itself will cause the addictive tendencies to surface.

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>>36796917
Nothing wicked I assure you, I'm a good guy now
Actually I'm just having a drink and watching shitty animes such as the one pictured

>>36796910
Become a raging alcoholic, and blame it on alcoholism. This is the easiest fix, but not the correct one.

I have 3 best friends. Their names are Eric, Ashley, and Paula.
Paula was my oneitis. Emphasis on was for the following reason:
I recently found out that I had HCV for almost 17 years, that I can't afford treatment and that a transplant will never work given my immune values.
Paula was going through my phone (which she had never done before) and found out about my HCV. A couple of days later, she decided to send me this text:
>Hi thanks I'm done with you
Proceeds to block me and completely ignore me even when she sees me in spots we both frequented.
Eric and Ashley found out soon but they kept treating me as a normal friend.
I'm glad I still have both of them close to me, but for some reason at least once a day I look back at what happened with Paula abd just feel anger/regret.
Is time gonna fix the pain? It's been over two months.

>>36796874
I don't see why you are. You even said that you don't like intimacy yourself.

>>36797042
Yeah, but at my age it's not normal to not have had sex.

Like, if anybody ever found out that would be social suicide

>>36797064
So, have you tried to get laid?

>>36796473
I can understand why you would feel insecure about this. If it would make you feel better I'm sure that you could acquire sex. However I want you to be aware that it's only social pressure that says you have to do so. It's ultimately meaningless beyond having experienced an aspect of animal life. If you have no interest, do not pursue it because someone else tell you to. Listen to your own needs and desires. If you feel no drive to do it, simply do not. I know a few virgins older than you, and in each case they have had complex reasons for avoiding it, missing opportunities etc. It makes you no less of a man. What does make you a man, however, is the fortitude to listen to and respect your own needs and wants rather than succumbing to pressure to behave i a way contrary to those wants.

>>36797092
Not in the past 7 years or so.

I don't really want to have sex, I am fine with masturbation. However I am ashamed that I did not have that experience yet.

If people found out they'd stop seeing me as a man and see me as a child instead.

>>36796954
I am too. I definitely don't constantly have thoughts of murder in which the thoughts I cannot control.

>>36797108
>If it would make you feel better I'm sure that you could acquire sex

If I paid for it, yes.

Seriously, I am too ashamed to let anybody know that I never had sex or that I don't even want it.

Normies would never understand such things.

And the only reason that I don't want to fuck is that I am on heavy psych meds that pretty much left me impotent. That's even more pathetic.

>>36796270

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

Your father probably wanted you to play sports HE liked. My father did the same shit. Rage when we weren't good at them or wanted to quit.

>>36797123
That's quite the paradox. Either get laid, or accept that you are a virgin.

>>36797124
So does that mean you definitely aren't killing people? If I was in an awkward position I might be careful about what I said online.

>>36797169
If I had a child and s/he didn't like martial arts they'd do them anyway. Shenmue and Yawara cannot possibly both be wrong on this point.

>>36797168
>Pretty much left me impotent
Do you mean that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak? Or aren't you desirous of sexual union?

Just don't tell anyone. It's none of their business. If I was a virgin and I actually did want to lose it I'd find a partner (male if you're desperate) and let them do all the work. Play up the arrogance like it was a 'service me faggot' deal. They need never know that you don't know what you're doing.

>>36797251
I'm trying not to, I really am.

>>36797276
The fact that I have to try though is slightly concerning.

>>36797251
>Or aren't you desirous of sexual union?

This. I could live my life without it. I am so far out of the loop that I don't even understand sexuality. Sex is a weird concept to me. The whole sticking your dick into another human bean. It seems absurd to me.

It's just that I am ashamed to be this way. When I am off meds though all I want to do is to stick my dick into a vagina.

But I can't go off medication because that would mean being absolutely dysfunctional

>>36796473
Why are you basing your self-worth around sex? Do you have hobbies that you enjoy and are good at?

>>36796403
Holy shit Dram. Sorry that we didn't see your post.

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>>36796403

Sup Dram.

>>36796407
>He's arguably the BEST thing that's happened to this board

You humble me.

>>36796490

That's kind of... That's what a coach does, not a therapist. I don't know. It didn't seem to work, because that's not the most immediate problem. I wouldn't ask a depressive person to accomplish missions before they're doing better.

>Asuka

Evangelion is the last thing I watched before a new chapter in my life. A chapter I've just finished recently. It may remain the best chapter in my life. I can't turn the page.

>>36796509
>Nick should kill himself instead of playing armchair psychologist

Dear you,

I understand you dislike me and perhaps like having my attention, but you are stuck in a loop. You say the same things every time:

>Nick kill yourself
>armchair psychologist
>does more harm than good

You never substantiate anything, never give any example, and don't seem to realise that people enjoy the thread very much (which is probably what makes you upset at me).

Will you speak up some day? What really ails you?

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>>36797316
>Do you have hobbies that you enjoy and are good at?

No, I don't. I just sit in front of the computer lmao.

It's just because I am broken.

Normal people have sex. I am abnormal because I don't (want to) have sex.

Why am I this way, holy shit

>>36797276
I don't believe that you will do it. That is not because I don't think that you have the capacity - I'm certain that you do - but that you have the insight and self-mastery to keep those impulses reined in. You're not the only person here with impulse control issues. I've blacked out and put people in hospital in the past, so I can relate. However, I have faith in your ability to keep it in hand. These threads are always up too, and you should vent as much as possible. Tell us about who's pissed you off (using fake names as appropriate).

>>36797306
Again, sex isn't inherently valuable. I'm coming from a very different angle to you, but the only way I could have it at all was down to extreme self-disgust. It's a fundamentally gross undertaking. We can talk about it more if you come off your meds, but for now I'd say just don't sweat it. It does not matter in the least. Spend your energy better elsewhere.

>>36797383
>Again, sex isn't inherently valuable.

But the whole world makes it out to be such a big deal and if you don't have it you are a creepy autist.

>>36796510

Don't drink anymore after this one.

Are you somewhat of a Borderliner?

The best apologies are the ones you mean. Beyond that, all options count.

>>36797378
"Normal" people need sex, you don't. Maybe you're lucky to be able to be happy without sex.

>>36797169
That's definitely it. I've known that since the start. He never got to do things so he pushed me to. Still does even.

>>36797369
>You say the same things every time
Well I've only been here 3 times, so you're probably mistaking me for someone else. Good to know I'm not the only one that hates you.

>>36797414
But society tells me I am messed up because of this.

Hell, I don't even want a relationship.
I just want to be like the normies.

>>36797383
No one. Every person I'm around long enough takes an ax to the head. I appreciate the vote of confidence. I'm pretty I wouldn't either, unless I was having a moment, but those don't happen often.

>>36796521
>What's happened when you've been away? People have taken up the mantle in your stead. Others have wanted to aid you in your own. Even those whom others would write off as 'bad people' (myself included) have rallied behind you.

Yeah, that was pretty intense. I thought, "Damn, I'm not even needed anymore, I've started a movement!"

>>36796521
>Even those whom others would write off as 'bad people' (myself included) have rallied behind you.

This shit is getting Biblical.

>>36796521
>I wouldn't be in extra therapy without you. Plenty of other people have pointed out the difference you've made to them as well.

You are going to make me cry.

>>36797378
>Why am I this way, holy shit
I don't know, anon, and neither do you. Why worry about what made you this way?
Are you unhappy because you're not having sex, or are you unhappy because you think others will judge you for not having sex?

Just read through the whole thread, this is so... Yeah, I have no words.. I've never seen such a coherent support group, well I haven't seen many at all which makes that statement pointless - okay, my point is that this thread is really upbringing, the fact that people like you exist.
I was here a few days ago, just exchanged 2-3 messages because I had to be somewhere.
Got room for one more?

>>36796928
My mum and dad both had problems controlling their drinking. My mum quit altogether but my dad still drinks. My dad had a scare with his liver but he seems to be able to handle it, I don't think he gets fucked up anymore now. That's why I think I can too. I just feel like I'm missing out, plus going out drinking is the only way I can get pussy too.

>>36797499
The latter.

I feel so broken because of this.

I just want to be like everybody else.

>be me
>decide to take the damn pill
>open cupboard for a cup
>find LO's cup
>back in 2013, right after moving in
>we bought everything for a new family
>we bought two small glass cups
>a blue one for me and a pink one for her
>I think my blue cup got broken during one of her rages
>the pink cup remains
>it's her cup
>collapsed in tears
>still collapsing

This will never end.

>>36797510
Please join us.

>>36797546
Well, I realise that most of the people here are probably are regulars and know your story, but since I'm not would you care to explain? I get it if it's too painful now, especially since you are literally having a catharsis.
Hang in there man

>>36797546
Break it Nick. Break free.

>>36796589
>Not off the top of my head. I wll google it though, because it was really great. Just showing up for missions wasted, smashing through the enemy not really caring about collateral damage and going home to cry while everyone is left to apologise and wondering what to do about her was great, and relatable as well.

That's exactly how I imagine myself as a superhero.

Colour me intrigued.

Also, saddest song. Used to listen to this back in 2011. As the summer approached, though I was still sad.

https://youtu.be/Z2u_ytM1PAM

>>36796602
>gender and sexual abuse are separate issues.

It seemed, from your other post, that you hate women so much you didn't want to be one.

Is this only obvious to me?

>>36797402
Screw them all. You don't owe the world a damn thing. If they would judge you for being a virgin, lie to them all. They've done nothing to deserve your respect. I got sex pretty much on the basis of misanthropy, incidentally.

>>36796510
I know that feelerino friendopath.

>>36797440
Tell us about a 'moment'. Preserve your anonymity however you like.

>>36797467
>You are going to make me cry.

Reminds me of the story of the Wind and the Sun. The Wind said to the Sun (clearly not realising that one of them was a star far larger than the planet they were contesting)
>You're a weak faggot, I bet you can't get that human to take his coat off. I'll blow that shit right off him!
So the Sun had a glass of celestial lemonade and said
>Go for it dudebro, it won't work though
The Wind raged at this: he would not brook the insult! He would not be seen as weak!

He blew harder, and the coat billowed around the man's shoulders. It almost came off, but he faced the gust, and he grasped it tighter around himself. The wind lashed at his face and the man gritted his teeth and forged ahead. Finally, the Wind gave up and said
>It's impossible! He just keeps gripping tighter!
So the Sun had another sip, and smiled down at the man. The man smiled back at the Sun
>Thank goodness that horrible storm is over!
Said the man. And he took his coat off, laid on the grass and stared up happily at the clouds, chased lazily across the sky by the breeze.
Thanks for the tan

>>36797522
>I just want to be like everybody else.
But why? "Everybody else" is not a single being. There are billions of unique people in the world who have lived through different experiences and changed because of them. You are one of them. Do you understand? There is no right way to live your life. If you want to take a purely materialistic biological standpoint, then sure, all we're here to do is to propagate our species. But are you really going to discount the thousands of years of invention, science, art, philosophy, and pure creation brought about by beings with nothing more than the awareness of their own mortality?
Everyone must find their own way to spit in the face of Death. You must find something that truly matters to you; something that allows you to think of yourself as more than a penis, more than a broken cog in the mechanism of society.

>>36796773

Don't drink at all.

>>36796806
>I'm sick of seeing people insult the God Emperor. He could very easily be the next Freud or Jung

Damn, I never knew you held me in such high esteem. I do think greatly of Jung and I also love 40k. Even have quite a few models assembled and painted by myself. I may never go back though because it's something I did when my LO was around. The life I've lost. Too sad. I doubt I'd ever find anyone else who'd play with me for real. Others can pretend but I doubt they'd genuinely battle me at dawn of war.

>>36797439
Why do you want to be like them? Do you dislike being without a relationship?

>>36796806
>I just can't usually feel anything for anyone, but somehow he makes me feel something. Idk, it's like a warmth. I have trouble with feelings and empathy so this is new for me

I have to admit this is one of the most striking posts I have read. You and Facet are going to make me cry for real if you continue this way.

I hope more good is on the way.

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>>36797322
The first therapist was a legit psychologist and he handled the mental parts more than action. That didn't work either. And I was and am on anti-depressants and ADHD meds.

>>36797674
By moment I mean the angry moments when I'm in a rage.

>>36797748
I gathered. I assumed that you might have an anecdote or two from those times.

>>36797643
>you hate women so much you didn't want to be one
Well, I talked about both issues in one post and I tried to keep things short. You'll just have to trust me on that one, unless you want to hear my entire backstory. I wouldn't mind being a woman, it's just not one.

>>36797686
>don't drink at all

I don't know why I can't. I've tried but I lie to myself and I get drawn back into it. It's like I can't imagine life without alcohol. I'm from England too where there is a huge drinking culture.

Is this addiction?

>>36797510
Glad to have you aboard. All are welcome. Please, tell us about yourself though. Anything you're willing to volunteer. How did you pick that name?

>>36797687
I feel great without a relationship and I don't want one. Frankly, I don't even understand how relationships work.

It's just this is basic human nature to want this shit and I feel broken because I am not interested in any of that.

I am not even lonely or anything.

>>36797681
But one thing most people have in common is that they want to love and be loved and all this crap. I feel bad because I don't need or want this stuff.

But in a way I guess I am lucky because no worthwile woman would want to be with me anyway, so I guess it's fine that I don't want this stuff because I'd be bound to fail

>>36797767
Not really. I usually have this happen, and I waste it.

>>36797788
You're not alone. I am also British. Makes it hard to escape, doesn't it? What else is going on for you, though? When it comes to addicts, outsiders tend to believe that if the drinking stops then the problem ends. However it's always about something else at its core. What's the reason that you drink?

>>36797815
Fair dos then. I'm just gonna headcanon it that you flew into space and destroyed a moon, sending a planet of adorable aliens into chaos.

>>36797842
Okay, that's fine with me Facet.

>>36797800
Wow. Just checked the meaning of the name that just creeped the hell out of me. I swear, that was a complete accident, I just wrote what first came to mind, I don't even know how...
I am the exact opposite.
The thing is, as I was reading through this thread I realised that I am in no place to be giving advice, not that I have nothing to say, it's just that I doubt my "credibilty" if that makes sense.
And as for my story, uhmm.. Let me try.

>>36797808
If you don't want a relationship and are fine with it, then all the more power to you. Life is too short to feel guilty or abnormal over things like that. Do what feels right, that's what important.

Also, you don't have to tell the truth to others, if you think they'll be judgmental. You can say you're waiting for the right person, or you can lie about a recent breakup you're not over yet. You don't even need to actually lie, just say it's complicated or you don't want to talk about it, and anyone with basic decency will get the hint and leave you alone about it.

>>36796815

Post more of her. Maybe even go ask /co/ for some story to post.

/co/ has amazing stuff sometimes; I've read a whole Nightmare on Elm Street comics there last weekend. Very rare thing apparently.

>>36796874

Focus on finding a person. If you go to it for sex alone, you will be disappointed. You're a man. Never worry about that.

>>36797800
The post that I made a few days ago was about how problems were relative and how I don't understand how someone can tell you you're "over-exaggerating" if it is obviously detrimental to you to the point of seriously contemplating suicide

>>36797842
>>36797788 (You)
>You're not alone. I am also British. Makes it hard to escape, doesn't it?

Yeah, it definitely does. Do you drink?

What else is going on for you, though? When it comes to addicts, outsiders tend to believe that if the drinking stops then the problem ends. However it's always about something else at its core. What's the reason that you drink?

I also realise this, yeah. There is always some underlying hole which an addict uses drugs to fill, at least temporarily. It's also about dealing with those issues in a more mature way than just drinking yourself silly, at least in my case anyway.

I'm not sure why I drink desu. Boredom probably. It makes everything more enjoyable. I think I'm an addict to drugs in general, I like overdoing anything I can get my hands on. If I was in a bad group of people who did coke or ecstasy I would be an actual addict though, those upper drugs are my achiles heel.

>>36797014

Find a way to let her know you'd only found out recently.

I'm not sure why you didn't tell her right away though.

>>36797064
>Yeah, but at my age it's not normal to not have had sex.

It's normal around these parts. But in the end, it doesn't matter. You're better off focusing on finding the right person, than just losing your virginity.

>social suicide

No. It'd make you have some special kind of value, in fact. But even so: find a worthy woman.

>>36797108

This.

>>36797123

People don't have to know, besides, they'd not easily believe it, so it doesn't matter. Nobody can know you're a virgin. Don't worry.

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>>36797954
Nah, too much effort. I mained /co/ for a while. I strongly recommend Midnighter to Eh. A 'by any means' down-and-dirty Batman type who has no compunction about killing people and is dating a Superman-tier whitebread guy.

[spoier]He is also qt with kids when not murdering[/spoiler]

>>36796958
Well, I already got the first part down. I'm not blaming it on alcoholism though, that'd be an obvious lie.
>>36797406
I can't stop drinking. If I stop drinking I'll kill myself from the withdrawals. I'm not sure, perhaps I'm borderline? Oh well. I'm not gonna apologize for now. It's all getting to me too much so I'm going to drink until I pass out again.

>>36798087
If you're worried about withdrawals and you want to stop drinking you'd have to go to hospital if you cut it off. Either slowly decrease the amount you drink or stop it altogether and get an ambulance.

>>36797421

You're father's a narc.

Be my brother. You never had a real father, nor did I.

>>36798009
Drinking as we speak faam, and it almost always has dramatic results.

If you're an addict to one, you might as well be an addict to all of them. You're an addict to any of them for something else, and in my case and probably yours too it's alcohol because it's easy to acquire, it's not illegal and it's 'normal'. I know what you mean with uppers. I did MDMA once or twice and honestly I'm glad I can't get hold of it regularly. I'm never happy and to have that temporarily could easily become extremely compulsive.

>>36797428
>Well I've only been here 3 times, so you're probably mistaking me for someone else. Good to know I'm not the only one that hates you.

I figured you'd say something like this if you felt cornered and isolated. Just don't use the same damn expression every time.

You're still dodging the point: why are you here? You aren't here just out of spite, there's a reason.

>>36797510

Absolutely. I'm honored by your words.

You're part of the family already.

>>36798131
Yeah, I can't slowly decrease anything. If I decrease it even just a little bit I start experiencing the symptoms. I have to set my alarm to wake me up several times when I'm sleeping just to make sure I keep drinking, otherwise I'll wake up in a living hell. I started drinking two years ago and ever since then I've drunk until I've passed out every single day.

I don't think it's possible for me to be sober. I've tried countless times and I can never hold out. Can't afford hospital/ambulance bills, that'd put me out on the street.

>>36797590

Starting in November, I've lost everything that mattered to me, in the most incredible ways known to mankind. Fiancee, family, past, future, and then some.

I lost my fiancee, or LO (Loved One, as I refer to her in these threads now) after 7 years of relationship, and 4 and a half years living together. I live in the ruins of that relationship and cannot clean anything anymore, or tidy up anything, whereas I am normally a clean freak.

My whole life is now this thread, apart from my job. That explains the daily dedication.

>>36798149

>Drinking as we speak faam, and it almost always has dramatic results.

What results would they be?

>in my case and probably yours too it's alcohol because it's easy to acquire, it's not illegal and it's 'normal'.

So true. I was trying to infer earlier that if I had easy access to uppers I would be a full blown addict. I'm probably in a constant depressive state and I barely feel emotive. Alcohol helps a bit but is nothing compared to uppers.

>>36797601

Impossibru!

>>36797674

Cool story bro.

>>36797747
>And I was and am on anti-depressants and ADHD meds.

Can you tell me what caused your depression?

My mother just texted me. Having a bit of a twitching episode. Not so good. Panicking a bit.

>>36798293
>What results would they be?
Too much to say but it's caused damage to friendships, relationships and myself and others physically as well.

As to your other point, if I had the chance I'd probably take acid every month or every other month and honestly it would probably help me to function better. Microdosing would probably have me basically evened out to a normiehood level. Try it if you ever get the chance.

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>>36797780
>unless you want to hear my entire backstory.

I do.

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>>36798361
Not sure. I just felt extremely demotivated and somewhat lethargic my senior year of college and afterwards.

>>36797948
>I realised that I am in no place to be giving advice, not that I have nothing to say, it's just that I doubt my "credibilty" if that makes sense.

Give advice first, judge that later.

>>36798292
Wow. That's a lot to handle...
I know that I stated my argument how problems are relative and that if you're seriously on the brink of suicide that the last thing someone should tell you is that you're over exaggerating and that it is absolutely not the truth but..
My problems, no matter how much pain they bring me, feel literally invisible after reading that post...
I'm sorry I can't possibly write my "story" because it would just make me feel so horrible and weak to be complaining about those petite things. It bothers me that these "trivial" (I hate that word because I'm really hurting right now but) problems bother me this much...

>>36797990

I remember that one.

>>36798142
>You're father's a narc.

Oh shi--- How on earth did I ever misspell this? It must be the goddam pill I took.

Goddamn. GODDAM.

>>36798370

Just block her. Holy shit, you don't owe her jack.

>>36798411

Do you love spending time with your parents?

>>36798419

Don't do that. My own story is far more complex and destructive in ways I can't even imagine in a movie.

But never let anyone else's story mean anything about your own. What happens in your mind is where it's at, and the context is almost secondary. Don't be impressed, everyone finds other people's stories more painful than their own, short of narcissism.

I don't compare pains, it's not comparable. What matters is the effect your context has on you. A normal man may need D-Day in 1945 to vomit out of anxiety while I have this upon waking up. I don't have a world war around me, but there you go.

So don't compare. The last thing I want to do is invalidate people's experience.

You aren't weak, you aren't complaining. We're all sharing. No pain, no suffering is trivial.

>>36798419
It helps Nick to help others. Tell us. Even if it feels trivial to you, it will not feel that way to us. Sharing is caring.

>>36798491
Better speak to my new therapist about it. I can't just block her. I spoke to my brother about C-PTSD by the way. He doesn't buy it. He pointed out that it tends to refer to rape dungeons and cult escapers. He reckons BPD is still the best fit. There again he doesn't know about the latest developments with her and I won't tell him.

Just got weirded e-mail subject.

>Are you ready to be happy forever?

It's from God, it's from my phone company.

>>36798562
>He pointed out that it tends to refer to rape dungeons and cult escapers.

Yes, and which part of this is missing from your family? Your brother will buy it when it's official, I suppose.

>>36798562
>I can't just block her.

Yes, yes you can. Why couldn't you? Tell her to leave you alone.

Update on pill.

I think it's making me all slow. Can't be sure if that's what it is or I'm just exhausted.

>>36798551
Yes thank you, this is what I also advocate but the problem is it's really hard not to judge yourself and to stop comparing... It just makes me disgusted of myself, it would be really hard to write "my story" now since it just seems so.... Yes, I realise that I am currently contradicting myself but ...

>>36798609
He doesn't believe it has that severity and I tend to agree. There again, I think that we've both blocked a fair few things out. But desu I trust him quite a lot and he doesn't think it was that bad. But then I feel conflicted about that. Part of me says it was bad and part of me says I'm exaggerating for attention or ignoring the positives. I don't know. There's so much I don't remember. Maybe I'm lying. I don't know.

>>36798370
Yeah I hear you. I'm such a weirdo when I'm drunk I think a lot of people dislike me for being a creep.

I have done LSD, I think it opened my eyes to how shit my life was and how much of a clueless idiot I am in general. Actually made me feel shame for once in my life, which was a gruelling process but absolutely necessary.

>>36798638

You make me feel like I have some horrible stories in my life, yet I don't feel that way, even though that's what others think about my past (you haven't heard about my childhood yet), but don't compare.

Everyone here has stories that I don't feel like mine are worth much compared to it.

Get this, my therapist suggested group therapy some time ago. I originally said no, and said that I would feel like I was insulting other people with my own trivial crap, and that I didn't feel eligible for this stuff.

Then she told me someone there went because her father would walk around naked. That's enough to cause issues that you want to share with others.

Just spill the beans!

>>36798674

Your brother may be on the dark side of things now, so his judgement is radically impaired.

Focus. It was that bad and much worse. Just share some anecdotes.

You know how bad treatment must be to cause such havoc on your soul, Facman, you know it.

Share away. See reactions.

>>36798562
>>36798704
>You make me feel like I have some horrible stories in my life
I'm really sorry that's not what I was trying to do, I'll stop
Okay.. Well.. Let me try

>>36798704
You have a pretty interesting story, your fiancee leaving making you so listless and all. Why did she leave you?

I'm thinking about going to group therapy about alcohol, my councillor suggested it. I feel anxious about going though.

>>36798794

I didn't mean it that way, my bad. I do have horrible stories in my life, and I do like feeling like I'm not actually making shit up. I was accustomed to thinking of abnormal acts as normal, so it's always nice to hear those things were in fact horrible.

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>>36798805
>Why did she leave you?

Because I betrayed her by having a secret relationship with another woman.

I will forever pay for this, don't worry.

>>36798805
>I'm thinking about going to group therapy about alcohol, my councillor suggested it. I feel anxious about going though.

Same, but go for it. I'm forcing myself to join a group about child abuse, despite not (quite) having been sexually abused. Just meeting new people with some common background can help.

>>36798757
I see what you mean but really it was only a handful of incidents.

One that's been on my mind today is this.

>Mum is in extreme manic flight
>Gets married to a much older man off the cuff
>She spends much of the time blowing bubbles like a young child
>We have to move in with him
>The house if full of smoke
>He cares about his cats rather than her
>The first night we move in, we just spend the whole time in a tiny room playing Final Fantasy X
>My brother is crying
>I don't know what to do because we're trapped
>I tell him to just focus on the game rather than the situation
...
Time passes
...
>He becomes hostile and abusive
>He calls her pathetic
>He says she only wants him for sex
>She laughs in his face
>They fight often
>I 'steal' their cigarettes because I want her to stop and I don't like her hurting herself
>He grabs me and screams in my face demanding to know where they are
>They're on the park in a hole in the wall alongside my school reports
>I went up there and burned them: my grades had gone through the floor because my home life was so horrible
>I'd just sat on the park alone, staring at them and crying before burning them all and hiding them in some rubble

>>36798920
Oh, I should mention as well that she starts telling me at this stage (13 or so?) that he hurt her sexually etc. She looked to me for salvation? Forgiveness? I don't know what. But it's been like that for as long as I can remember.

>>36798920

This is nightmarish. It makes me sad and angry.

I wish I could go back in time and snatch you and your brother, and give you caring parents.

I feel fake. I feel that everywhere I go I have to pretend to be happy and friendly and a decent, functioning member of society in order to not be perceived as some sort of misanthropic loner, which is what I feel like most of the time. However, I also am stuck in that I feel like I can't tell anyone about this for the same reason, even though my friends (or at least the people who tolerate my presence) know it anyway.

>>36798959
You know I'm not stupid though, right? I should have got good grades. I should have.

I will be 19 years old in 10 days, this is why I talked about the "credibilty" thing, I understand if you guys want me out just because of my age.
Okay so let's start from the top then:
My mother died of cancer when I was 13, my dad re-married. They're still together, don't know for much longer though - big fights recently, curently in the state of filing a divorce. The sad thing is this is not what destroyed me. I was in love with this girl for almost 6 months, I talked to her she rejected me. Later I found out that my best friend has a cousin who goes to the same school as the girl I liked. She says she will help. I start talking to her. Open up. She opens up. We talk and talk and talk and for the first time I feel like there is someone who actually cares and it's the best feeling ever. Immediately after that feeling I also start experiencing incredible fear. We talk more and finally decide to go out (my friend was there also). Me, the anxious and introverted type I am, totally screw it up and literally see the dissapointment in her eyes. Next day my friend says "she didn't ike you", I keep myself from crying the whole day in school. After school I go to multiple different places to just cry and cry, come back home and then cry some more. This continues for 3 days. I decide to send her a message telling her I'm sorry I dissapointed her. She refuses to admit that it's the truth. Keeps saying that I helped her a lot and that I mean a lot to her. That is obviously not the case, she stopped answering, became completely cold, a different person in a whole. I confront her again after one week of complete pain and misery. She writes a short message. I block her because my friends advise me to. Then I unblock her because I can't help feeling that I'm in the wrong and that she actually "might need me". I write her an essay (again) about everything. She doesn't respond.

>>36799030

Do you think that's your normal state or a reaction to an adverse environment?

Would you be happy without other human beings, or lonely?

>>36799038

Not in those circumstances. Still, you and your brother have lived through hell.

This is not how children are raised. You were given food and a roof, but that's not all there is to raising children.

You needed so much more, and were given so much less.

The girl to whom I talked to is not the one I was firstly in love with - it is the cousin of my friend who wanted to help. Didn't make that clear sorry.
And sorry for not green texting it I'm new my bad, should I green text in the future?

i feel empty, like someone nicked my reason to live and pissed on it, ever dince my cat died i haven't been the same.

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>>36798491
I don't love spending time with my parents. I don't like socializing much.

Hey guys, how is everyone today? Ive seen american psycho for the first time and couldnt help but notice the main caracter's bursts of anger remind me of myself when I was younger and literally tried killing my grandma, it woke up some memories I apparantelly tried to forget. Will this behaviour come back in time if I havent felt that way in years?

I'm sorry there is more. That week I was isolated from my friend, away with my family. I was crying every night. There are a lot more parts to the story I just don't know whether to write them or not. And just for the record, the whole time I was thinking if I was in love with her, I don't think I was? I don't think I am? It's was just the feeling that she actually cared and that she opened up to me completely that touched me. It was just so abrupt.

>>36799075
>I will be 19 years old in 10 days, this is why I talked about the "credibilty" thing, I understand if you guys want me out just because of my age.

Of course not.

>>36799075
>My mother died of cancer when I was 13,

I expected stuff that would be far from "trivial" as you said, but goddam, this exceeded my expectations.

As to the rest, I hear you out loud.

You sound very dependent, as in the psychological profile (I am too, sadly, but I am).

Describe what you felt/feel for this girl.

>>36799030
you are a mere robot made to replace a human and his memories were placed into you, apparently you're becoming self aware

>>36799084
I'm really not sure. I like doing things by myself. I think I like people in a general sense, but I'm, I don't know, scared, bored, nonchalant when I communicate with others. I just feel like nobody's on the same plane of thought that I am and I don't really know how to bridge the gap between their way of thinking and mine and form connections. I find it hard to say what I really think because I'm afraid of backlash if it doesn't go over well. I think I just don't like confrontation.

>>36799125
>And sorry for not green texting it I'm new my bad, should I green text in the future?

Greentexting is a meme. When I do it, it's always with self-conscious irony.

>be me
>be a faggot
>become OP
>start legendary series of threads
>gather small group of apostles
>get banned multiple times
>popularity grows
>the fire rises
>Robot Pilate doesn't like it
>ebinz cyber Crucifixion happens
>apostles spread throughout 4chan to spread the love

That sort of thing.

>>36799267
I think this would actually give me more peace of mind than I have currently but I don't think we're far enough in the future for me to be so lucky

>>36799180

I expected that answer.

Tell me why you don't like socialising.

>>36799242
She talked to me, she opened up, I said so much to her, I opened up, she was so warm, full of empathy. I felt like someone cared about me - I don't get this feeling often, I am really paranoid that people talk to me out of pitty. That week was horrible,I never cried so much - when my mother died it wasn't that bad, I was expecting it to happen, this was all just abrupt, she turned from warm to cold after one encounter. It's scary. That week was scary. I wanted to end it. I would've if I had the "tools". I got a hold of myself now. I mean I still want commit suicide and I'd do it if there weren't so many people who'd be affected by it. Just to make things clear - I always didn't care much about life, this is not a new thing, I just never got close to ending it because I always kept in mind how selfish it would be.

>>36799185
>when I was younger and literally tried killing my grandma,

Tell us more.

>>36799194

Kole, what's happening with you, most likely, is that, as often, relationship material gets directly in touch with childhood material, and not for some silly Freudian reason, either.

Whatever childhood wounds you have, a relationship will play on them, in good and/or bad ways, that's why it's so intense and that's why you're not sure if it's actual love or something else.

You have may have felt something you needed your whole life but never received.

I sense that you and I have a few things in common. You can be my trauma bro if you want.

Facet gets people with DID, I get anyone who is ended by a heartbreak.

>>36799297

I see.

Would you say you value yourself on what others think of you to any degree?

>>36799431
Without any apparent reason i just felt this intense rage, it literally made me grind my teeth, and felt more than energic, just like I was full of adrenaline. So, this led to me trying to overpower my grandma when I came after school(about 7-9 years old) and I would try to suffocate her with a pillow. She also mentioned that as a funny thing some time ago. I guess she saw it as me playing. At first I thought these were phantom memories or something like that, I heard of people who would remember things that never happened, but she confirmed the stories by her joking about it. I dont want to become like that again.

>>36799404

I don't understand one thing: you two talked and opened up, but then there's this one encounter; how did you communicate before the encounter?

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>>36799532

Well, tell me about grandma.

>>36799431
It's a lot to take in. I didn't cry for a few days but it's as if I'm braindead during the day. I just stare into the abyss. Since suidice was out of option I spent time thinking about getting terminally ill, but then I realised that by wishing it it is equal to suicide in a way. There is no way out unless I be completely selfish. I know that "love" wouldn't help me. I'm not advocating that it would magically solve all my problems. I just felt she cared about me, it was so calming and scary at the same time - due to the chance of losing that feeling. I am constantly paranoid that noone cares, they talk to me out of pitty - even my best friend and his girlfriend. It's just a limbo. I want it to end. The last four days I was asked to watch after my little brother (half brother - 2 yrs old). I can't do it anymore. I can barely handle myself and now a 2 year old baby who is obviously aware that something is "off" in the family?

>>36799518
I hold very exacting standards of myself and I think that it reflects poorly upon me if I'm not on top of my game at all times. I dismiss most praise I receive offhand (internally, at least, but sometimes out loud). I feel that I don't deserve it because I could have done better.
And then I feel shitty because I'm basically saying that their opinion doesn't matter.

>>36799638
Lol why you talking like an RPG game from the 90s?
>tell me about the radscorpions
>tell me about the bandit camp
>tell me about grandma

>>36799607
Message app. Yes, stupid of me to think something of it ... I don't even know..

>>36799672
>now a 2 year old baby who is obviously aware that something is "off" in the family?

What's off in the family?

Also, I care.

If you don't mind me asking, Facet - you have DID? MPD?

>>36799681
>And then I feel shitty because I'm basically saying that their opinion doesn't matter.

At least you realise that. Be sure to make room for other people's opinions, not just so they can have them without being shat on for it, but also so that you can use these opinions to strengthen yourself.

>>36799712
>They're still together, don't know for much longer though - big fights recently, curently in the state of filing a divorce.

>>36799638
Shes the kind type of grandma, always asking me what I want and how fast to get me something if I want it. I cant believe I could do that thing in the past. Things havent changed with our usual relationship, she still spoils me and I still try to have her do as little stuff as possible, as I dont want to depend on someone else other than myself. I cant be cuddled endlessly...im 20 years old this summer.


I just feel rotten the more I think about those times.

>>36799691

I played Fallout 1, the redux edition thing, about a year ago I believe.

It was pretty based.

I'm the 90's RPG game that gives you a single choice.

>>36799706
>Message app. Yes, stupid of me to think something of it ... I don't even know..

Why? She opened up to you, and so did you. It counts. One of my best friends, of over ten years now, we've never met, it's all e-mails.

Any idea what put her off? Your fear?

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>>36799724

He hasn't posted in a while. I hope he's OK.

Yes, DID.

>>36799753

Oh, OK. That's not good for a kid, it's considered abuse. It's terrifying to a child to see his parents fight. Any danger related to the parents, for a kid, means potential death.

>>36799758

Any idea why you got mad at her to the point of attempted kid murder?

>>36799785
Yes, it meant a lot to me. I told her I never open up to people like that, she told me the same thing. It was so strange. She was so warm. After the encounter she became cold. There is one thing though - my best friend told me that she never talks to anyone over text, he was really surprised with how much she talked to me, she really talked a lot.. She herself told me that she sometimes doesn't respond to people who she "loves to death" for over a few days (via message). She warned me that she is like that. Near the end of it she even said that her way of communication is fucked up and that mine is more developed and that I'm too good for her - I bellieve she lied, there is no way that she cares and doesn't want to talk, she probably said it to "ease me into it"

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>>36799327
Not exactly sure why. I prefer to be in my own head I guess. Small talk bores me. I like talking about limited subjects like politics and history. I just read the news, listen to the news, play video games, fantasize about alternative realities where I'm awesome and/or surrounded by women, and I look at porn all in my room.

>>36799925

>>36799925
>Near the end of it she even said that her way of communication is fucked up and that mine is more developed and that I'm too good for her - I bellieve she lied, there is no way that she cares and doesn't want to talk, she probably said it to "ease me into it"

That's what a dudebro would say, but there's a chance she told you the truth. I have personally known people who will step away from a relationship because it hurts them too much.

She may really believe you're too good for her, and out of fear of everything fucking up, she may have ended things before they started.

She has obvious issues.

Any other weird things about her?

>>36799857
I wasnt mad AT her, I was just angry. She was like a way for me to unleash that anger. One second I would play in my room alone and then I would feel a suddent feeling of adrenaline in me, which then became anger for no reason. It could have been anyone else, it wasnt targeted anger. I think I attacked her because it felt like I was in control, because I think everyone felt adrenaline sometimes, just that they expressed it differently, some might run around, some would scream...idk

>>36799988

How did the murder attempt unfold?

>>36799983
She went through a lot. This is why I'm hurting this much. I told her everything. If I can I want to help her, she didn't answer me. This is so scary, I can't help but think that she is hurting also and that she needs someone to talk to but just closes everyone out. This was my primary concern - she went through a lot, things that explain her behaviour, this is why THIS is torture, I know that people hurt other people due to their own wounds hurting too much. I'm so afraid

>>36800075

You may be right. Such cases can be extreme, and there may be nothing you can do to help such people.

Would you say she became overwhelmingly open once she saw that you were receptive and cared about her?

I'll stay up until Ethan comes back safe and sound.

>>36800023
It wasnt really "murder attempt", more like I dont like thinking about it that way, it gives me cold sweats. It was happening everyday, we would start by me trying to surprise her /scare her playfully then I would get a pillow like starting a pillow fight and it evolved into the rest. Its like an ocd feeling, you have to do a certain thing to get rid of that feeling in your guts.

>>36800099
Yes, definetly, sorry I can't...
this
>Such cases can be extreme, and there may be nothing you can do to help such people.

I can't... It's so painful, out of breath sorry have to stop

>>36800150

Song for you.

https://youtu.be/ddbnr-YjmMY

Worth listening to fully because it changes quite a bit throughout. Brilliant band.

>>36800157

Song for you. The lyrics will speak to you, no doubt.

https://youtu.be/OXWrjWDQh7Q

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I'm feeling down so I'm going to post some of our favourite music to cheer ourself up.

Commentary:
>I needed a cool name for myself I'm establishing a theme here. Also if any of the ones that follow seem off somehow I was probably filling in blanks in some way so it was my fault

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NR7dG_m3MsI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEj-mrwwaxo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3wKzyIN1yk

>>36800222

Approved by kek. Funny we should both post songs at almost the same time.

Are you my soul brother?

>>36800222

Do you have really large hands?

>>36800202
Think Id have to smoke some weed to be able to enjoy that song, the beggining is nice, but the end is cringe

>>36800279
>but the end is cringe

I like it. No cringe on my end. Catchy as a motherfucker.

>>36800252
>>36800268
Pretty large desu. It's bitching about ASCII shit when I'm trying to put other links in now.

https://youtu.be/-gPuH1yeZ08
This is my favourite song and since you two are sharing I thought, why not?

>>36800318

Do you look very handsome? Especially amongst British men?

>>36800202
Brink of tears..
It could all be in my head. She might just really be dissapoined, I told my best friend - because he will be staying at her house during the summer, to try to ask questions about me and about what happened. I don't know.
Well since we're sharing music I guess - hope it makes someone feel better -------
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eR3sv_RgBE

>>36800350
I did at one point. Pissed off I can't post my YT link though desu

>>36800410
>I did at one point.

What happened?

>>36800443
I put on weight. We've been skeltal, we've been powerful but now we're just fat

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Commentary:
>...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04e8UupoY30
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHBtpqbOKXk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkg4yirbkEM

>>36800465
How many of you are there?

orig

>>36800465

Then lose it. Caloric deficit and there you go. I'm fitter at my current age than I was when I was 20. Been skeltal too.

Here are a few things I found in other people with "odd parents":

>you only get shit clothes than don't fit you and don't look good

>you get washed much less than normal kids

>your parents don't knock before entering, or knock to announce they're coming in, not to wait for permission

>you're skeltal

>>36800498

Electro-Shock Blues :O

I worshipped the Eels during my university years, especially that album.

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Commentary:
>It's obvious, but you can't stop me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQDEUzu7BzI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCLizTg9nWo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBYe7mCuyNE

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MggJ2DjLKk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqjGNacXL9U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbwlGv9SWfY

>>36800501

4

I think Facet is exploding into everyone tonight. We're getting each's favourite sort of music. Fascinating.

>>36800602
Commentary:
>I woulda much rather have done like a MExican Day of the Dead porcelain makeup/ mask thing but you know, I couldn't find it so you get Mulan (I'm not even that weebish but the dragon is well, you know)

Ok well they all got a turn to 'express themselves'. Which we agreed that they all should btw.
Anyway.

>>36800501
3 consistent, 4 current and others have come and gone.

>>36800507
I was doing. I will get back on the horse. Life has got in the way, as they say. When the 'Great Wolf' had the helm I was in fantastic shape.

>>36800527
Top feelcore desu