/DEPRESSION GENERAL THREAD/

I got sexually assaulted this week.
Now all I feel is sadness with episodes of numbness.

Help

>>36792059
I had to go to the funeral of an uncle who beat me and pretend I cared, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to what you're going through. Wanna talk about it?

its not really that bad to me.
ive never been especially happy, so i don't have a good time in my life to set comparable goalposts at.
perspective, you know?

for a long while when I was younger, it manifested as a progressive lack of engagement in hobbies/recreations, but eventually that hit a sort of nadir where the only things my brain was engaged by was short, dynamic bursts of instant gratification pandering information like imageboards/online chats

i imagine that people with especially happy points in their life must view experiences like waking up with nothing to "live for" as sickening, but to me, it's just what ive always known. The human mind can habituate to virtually any situation, including normalizing prisoner of war camps/torture chambers/rape dungeons.

Depression doesn't seem so bad compared to those things.

>>36792095
It happened on tuesday, went out with a girl and afterwards we went to her place. It ended with me being tied up and blindfolded for hours until I completely broke down. After she was done with me and untied me all I could do was cry while she just slept through all of it.

>>36791964
I hate myself and want to die. I've felt this way since I was 5.
I remember in first grade I used to draw pictures of me burning my house down with me and my family inside it. I knew my teachers hated me and I hated them too. I have never had any friends.

Am I doomed to be this way forever?

I have nothing to live fore, but I see it as a positive thing.
I have no ambition, no goals, and I don't care about life.
This means that I leave decently, because if you have nothing but you desire nothing you can't really feel bad.
Sure, sometimes I still feel lonely, I want a gf, but this desire is almost gone now.
In little more 3 years I'm becoming a wizerd, we'll see what happens then.

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>>36792623
I feel that sort of low frequency mantra of "i want to kill myself" everyday for years now. I don't know what fate holds for us. It may be that we're unable to enjoy life. I don't know man, just know you're not the only who feels that way.

>>36792865
how do you handle sexual desires?

oree

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>>36792229
I'm really sorry to hear that. Have you thought of going to see a therapist? And reporting it to the police? She may do this to other people.

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>>36792146
If you could cure your depression would you do it?

>>36792924
By fapping. But it's not really about sex, it's about companionship, I guess. It's the only thing that's still making me suffer. Everything else is nothing to me.
Fapping somewhat resembles sex, but there's nothing that resembles the feeling of actually having a connection with someone. I don't know how that feels, but this void is draining life out of my body.

>>36792938
It's kinda difficult to report it to the police, because I initially agreed to it. She should have stopped as soon as I got uncomfortable though, instead of what happened now.

I'm now just sitting at home hoping I'll feel better over time, but if I don't I will have to see a therapist yeah.

Honestly, the worst thing about all of this is the shame I feel and how it feels like it's my fault.
And on top of that I feel like I can't even discuss it with anyone because I'm a guy.

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>>36791964
>How do you guys cope with the crippling daily darkness?
Distract myself as best I can. Vidya, 4chan, youtube, music, lifting, etc.
It hasn't really made things any better.

I don't know if its because of my depression, or if its something else, but I don't feel any sense of joy from interacting with my own family, and the only thing I love for is the promise of hedonistic pleasures in the future.

Started on anti-depressants a week ago. They make me wicked fucking nauseous. Hoping they'll kick in soon.
>tfw they made me so nauseous they made me puke at school today
Sure hope no one saw that

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>>36793411
How did you get prescribed antidepressants?

>>36793411
*the only thing I live for

>tfw this was not original
God damnit, just let me fix my fucking typo

>tfw you are both alive and dead, trapped in a world between stasis and anti-stasis

Please help

>>36793429
I don't really know. I live in Norway, so the first step for me was contacting my appointed physician.
>he referred my to a new institution where they worked with mild/moderate depression, sleeping problems, anxiety, etc.
>A bunch of shit that was not relevant to me
>Told a person working there about my issues
>She asks a psychologist to speak with me
>Tell the psychologist about me suicidal thoughts
>She sends me to a psychiatrist
>Talk to her about my depression
>Get diagnosed with sub-acute suicidal behaviour
>She sends me to another institution
>Talk to two nurses about my issues
>They send me back to my physician and recommend starting with anti-depressants
>Visit doctor
>Be perscibed sleeping pills and anti-depressants

Don't know what its like in your country though. If you're currently in school theres surely some sort of psychic assistance-esque person working there. Talk to them and see if they can send you down the rabbit hole is it were. Though if its possible, just talk to your doctor.

>>36793560
Bro, let me give you an advice from someone who already went through all that: RUN. Don't take antidepressants/antipsychotics, don't talk to psychiatrists. That was the worst thing that happened in my life, I didn't even want to do it but I was forced by my parents (I was 15-16 at the time). The drugs won't help, they will onlpy make you feel worse, with endless side effects.
I don't know how to explain how much I wish I had never taken that crap.

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how does it feel cucks that you'll never be on the end of a message like this?

sucked in losers

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>>36793634
What side effects?

will probably need an orig

my pet passed away yesterday and im so fucking broke, it was a part of my family for 5-6 years and i already miss him so much

>>36793634
I dunno my dude, I think I'm gonna trust trained medical professionals more than some anon on an abkhazian basket weaving discussion forum

>>36793731
I took many differend drugs over the years, because they weren't working and doctors were trying to cover their asses by saying that it takes patiente and you need to try different drugs until you find the ones that work. Well, I never found one that worked, but I the first side effects that come to mind are
>dry mouth
>restless legs (google it)
>MASSIVE WEIGHT GAIN (about 70 kg in 6 or 7 years)
>feeling that your brain is shutting down
>can't focus
>can't remember anything
>no energy, spend the whole day in bed
>weird shit that I don't know how to explain
>can't shit
Then I decided to quit cold turkey all these drugs, bear in mind that they weren't just antidepressants, but also benzos and antipsychotics. Getting clean again is almost impossible, withdrawal lasted more than TWO YEARS, with constant muscle pain in all my body (imagine having a cramp in almost all the muscles in your body).
I'm clean now, more than 3 years later, but at this point I know that I have received some permanent damage, and my muscles don't feel like they used to be.
The left side of my body (neck, shoulder, arm, leg) hurts continuously, and even though the pain is reduced it never went away. I don't know why I didn't kill myself, and to make matters worse, all that pain was in vain because my life is shit anyway.

>>36793832
You have been warned. Psychiatry is a scam, if you get in they will fill you up with drugs (that don't work) until you either get destroyed or decide to stop taking them and suffer like hell because of withdrawal. Psychiatrist are clowns, they're not even sure about the mechanisms of depression and how their antidepressants work (google it, not joking).

Just finished my last final exam. I've been really contemplating dropping out, especially if I don't do well in these finals. I want to enlist in Navy, mainly because I'm miserable in school and just can't see myself functioning in normal society. Just not sure if I'm healthy enough mentally

>>36793634
Its all trial and error i think.

I got lucky and it only took me 2 tries.

First time i got prescribed Prozac and it did nothing for me and only made me feel insane.

ended up in a psych ward and got prescription for a RIMA - Moclobemide and its worked really well for me with zero side effects.

I stopped taking them after like 6 months thinking i was just better but just sunk back into a suicidal depression after a month or two.

So maybe i'll just need them forever to get by, hopefully not but its the only thing i have to cope right now.

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>>36792095
should've spit on his grave op

you missed a chance

>>36793794
assaulted anon here, I had the same happen a few years back. All you can do is do something to take your mind off of it. Just take it easy and know that the pain will get less over time.

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>>36792059
>>36792229
>got free sex
>crying about it

Everything seems stagnant. My life is stagnant. The world I live in is stagnant. My mind is stagnant. Static but not at ease, festering and rotting, growing more putrid by the day. Not moving, but always slowly changing for the worse. Nothing new is good, and everything that was ever good is old and fading or dying. Even the future seems to be dead and decaying.

I can't believe this is it.

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>How do you guys cope with the crippling daily darkness
I just try to breathe. At times however there's nothing I can do it and it just washes over me. What I'm feeling most is that craving to socialize, sometimes I hate being a social animal.

What is it when you don't actually want to kill yourself but still feel like you're depressed?

>>36795433
I don't know, but tell me why you don't want to kill yourself. Do you still have hope?

>>36795663
A little bit, but it's scary as fuck

>>36795750
As good a reason as any.

Personally, I just feel that I'd rather live a shitty life with the occasional enjoyable moment than not experience anything at all. It's not like there's any respite in death, as far as I'm concerned it's just an end. I suppose it depends on religious beliefs though.

>>36795936
Yeah, I mean that's the scary part.

>>36791964
Poppy seed tea, beer and dxm works pretty well

>>36795433
That's just mild depression my man

Has anyone been able to regain gratification/satisfaction from hobbies, or even fulfilling small tasks ? I only get it from alcohol/instant gratification stuff

>>36793794
I'm sorry for your pet bro,at least he was happy he had you & your family

>>36797371
No. Total anhedonia.

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I hate interacting with people

I want to be invited to parties, but I never want to go

I want to have a group of friends, but I've always felt like an outsider, even in a group of my own friends

I feel like no one ever wants me around, like it's convenient for me to be there

I want friends, but i fell like they wouldn't want me, so I just stay in, I am brought to tears every weekend

>>36797456
How do you cope with everyday life? I have no hope for NEETbucks, now finishing uni and soon will have to go wagecucking for 8-10 hrs a day, everything is so boring

There is no hope in my life. I have no talents, no friends, nothing. And still I can't do anything about it. I'd like to say it's depression but I don't know, that might be cutting me too much slack, I don't fucking know. Maybe I'm just worthless and I can't bring myself to do anything because I've already accepted that.

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I don't remember what it's like to be happy, someone tell me

>>36797575
I drink. Also, >>36792989
There's nothing left inside me. My heart beats but that doesn't make me alive. I'm not even afraid of pain and death, I don't know why I don't kill myself. Maybe unconsciously I want to keep suffering.

>>36797536
>>36797536
very relatable anon, i can be your friend if you want anon online friend?

>depression
>crush/almost gf doesnt want to talk to you anymore
>grades slipping
>becoming more suicidal for each day that goes
>psych gives me more and more medicine
whats the point even?
my friends are gone at this point and i have distanced myself too much to get them back..
have the feeling of tfwnogf, kinda sucks, i just want someone to love who loves me back.
it sucks being an anxious, depressed and awkward human

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>>36793655
Feels good to know that i'll never have to stain my hand with a filthy stacey/roastie

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>>36791964


It's been 6 years since I finished hs and my life has pretty much become shit. I'm working in retail at the moment. I'm also in college, but I think I'm gonna get kicked out because I failed all my classes. I ended up going through a major depression this semester and I just stopped trying in all my classes.

I feel like I will be at this job forever now.
This place is fucking eating my soul. I also feel like shit because I've seen all the people I went to school with and they all have their degrees, they're all getting married, having kids, buying houses and going on vacation. All I'm doing is failing in my classes, working in a soul crushing job, and going on 4chan because its the only fun I have.

The drinking the last two weeks seems to have flushed my anti depressants out.

I haven't felt this dysfunctional in a hot minute

I'm kinda curious if other depressed robots get this feeling or if its just me.

>feel drained
>bad thoughts start running through your head
>realize you're an irredeemable piece of shit
>realize you're never going to be a well-adjusted person
>suddenly feel a wave of sadness that feels so bad it feels good
>it feels like your sadness wrapped around you like a warm blanket so you accept it

ECT helps. You should try it.

>>36798683
Don't do this. Ever heard of David Foster Wallace?

>>36792059
Want to be my German waifu and move somewhere that is not a giant dump for third world shit people?

>>36798734
Of course I've heard of him. Are you going to claim ECT is bad because he killed himself?

If you think the sort of shit modern ECT commonly does to people is worse than your depression, your case is mild. Unlike other treatments, ECT is sometimes effective.

>>36798766
I'm a guy, anon. And it had nothing to do with immigrants.

>>36798821
Well considering his meds stopped working as a result of ECT, yes it's bad. I suppose the generalization is unnecessary though, since everyone is different. I still wouldn't do it though. If my pills stopped working, I'd be fucked.

>i look forward to going to physical therapy or to the gym for 30 minutes
>get home i become depressed
>my friends moved because i got into a car accident coming home from their house

>>36798647
Ya, I get feelings just like that, I'm trying to find a way to fix shit and get my life in the direction I want it to go.

>>36798868
I've never heard of such a thing and can't find a source that would back you up.

Also, since ECT is much more effective than pills... well, everyone makes their own choices about acceptable risks. But there's a lot of pseudoscientific scaremongering regarding ECT out there, and it might be a good idea to examine your prejudices and consider whether you're really making the rational decisions your situation requires.

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>>36791964
I just let the daily darkness flow through me like water through a vessel. I live alone and don't have a job or car, so there's not much else to do. I'm going to start numbing it with booze, as soon as the Jagermeister in my freezer gets cold enough to enjoy. I just feel dissociated from everyone and everything, 24/7. Some days are worse than others, I don't know. I only leave my apartment two or three times per month to buy food. Luckily there's a grocery store right across the street from my building. Nicotine also helps.

>>36795185

I wish someone would rape me :(

Also origanal