/depression thread/

>unable to ever apply myself

I literally cannot ever have a good job with this shit. I am literally just a lazy asshole and blame myself which is the right thing to do. But it doesn't change that I want to die.

I'm a terrible buzzkill...I can see it with the people all around me, they don't like it when I'm around :/

I'm hideously ugly in every way
>big crooked nose
>weak jaw/chin
>receding hairline
>dumbo ears
>severe rosacea
>gynecomastia
>small pensi
Not to mention, I am a compulsive/binge eater because of being so depressed, so I am becoming fat now too. All of these make me extremely depressed

>have huge tits fetish
>girlfriend is flat as a board

All existence is cruel, and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. As an individual, I have no future or hope for reasons both inside and outside of my control. As a society, we are unsustainable. For now, we have our creature comforts like alcohol, pornography and media consumption, but that will run out before we die, and we'll be left weak, cold, and dying as the train of reality barrels down the tracks towards us.

No matter how hard you try, no matter how far you run, life will catch you, and life is a cruel hunter indeed.

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>>36785131
>have girlfriend
>depressed
GET THE FUCK OUT REEEEEEEEEE

>>36785180
>thinking getting a gf will solve you problems
I was once like you anon, the rabbit hole goes deeper than you think

>>36785205
Please elaborate nigga

>fat face
>develop bulimia, it gets worse and worse every time i see pictures of myself or look in the mirror and i want to do it more
>lost 40-50 pounds
>face still just as fat, but now i have a skeleton body and im weak and tired all the time

>>36785254
You know those old school rpgs where you could take certain modifiers and you'd get benefits but they're come with handicaps? Women are like that
The game was rigged from the start

>>36785275
Purging causes your face to swell anon. Stop puking and your face won't be as puffy

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>>36785314
Why did this make so much sense

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>>36784999
>>36785053
>>36785059
>>36785112
>>36785131
>>36785168
>>36785275

Get out of here with your meme depression REEEEEEEE

>>36785501
>Hating existence itself and being deeply self loathing
>Meme depression

Would you prefer I cried about pretty gay boys in dresses not liking me?

I just talked to a girl I like about another guy who happens to be my best friend who she likes, and I was helping her get with him. AND she called me bro.

If that doesnt make me the king of the friend zone than I don't think anything will.

>>36784999
>abusive boyfriend
feels like death in slow motion.

>>36785776
>not abusing him back
What are you? Some sort of pussy?

>>36785794
yeah, obviously\
orginale

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>>36785776
>abusive boyfriend
Just leave him? Lol

I want out of fleshscape. This is reality, the only reality, and it is hell. Furthermore, not only am I within this hell reality, I am myself, I am my own reality, thus I am ABJECT HELL. There is nothing, there will be nothing. If there ever was something it is gone now and will remain eternally gone. There is a space time conspiracy, trapping us within a fleshscape, forcing hell into our minds. The ultimate trap not because it cannot be escaped but because there is nowhere to escape to. Illusion is the only escape, a false one but the best there is. I want to embrace illusion forever, but physical bonds to the fleshscape prevent that embrace.

If there is no God we can build one. Become one.

I used to be happy. Let me return to the neverpast. I want my dreams back. I want to be me again, for the first time.

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>spic
>manlet
>chinlet
>jawlet
>beardlet
>handlet

Just end me.

>tfw bad skin also
reminder fellow bad skin americans got fucked over right now
acne is now a pre existing condition

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>>36784999
l've been depressed since l was a kid, fucked with my education something wicked, most years my attendance was stuck around 50%

l'm smart, tall, funny and l've been good looking enough since about 17 that l've never had a problem getting laid and people generally like me a whole lot. But there has always just been this thing hanging over my head since l was about 7, like l'm not supposed to exist.

Theres just something wrong inside me, something deep down that is fundamentally broken and it eventually just drives people away once they see that.

>>36785501
I'm the binge eating uglybot, and i will say that I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, even as a young kid. Being ugly has just made it more severe

>>36785923
it's alright anon maybe one day we'll be acne free

>>36785854
thats the dumbest shit people say.
fuck off. as if its fucking easy.

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I have pure o ocd. I get distracted with thoughts that parts of my body become infected or contain foreign objects and it creates a disturbing feeling that tricks my body into thinking it's actually happening. I know it's not, but I can't just let the feeling sit so I think cleaning, ritualistic thoughts (I think the same words and phrases over and over again) in order to make my mind clean again. This fucks up a lot of time/opportunity and it brings me needless suffering. I used to think the key was to find a way to make the disturbing thoughts stop but now I realize it's really about getting used to them and not letting them control my life.

>>36786005
On top of all of this i'm almost 23, have few friends and my music career is going nowhere because I wasted a lot of time battling this illness and drugs but I'm clean now.

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>>36785990
>as if its fucking easy.
it is? just leave...literally that's all you have to do and if you can't even do that then you deserve the abuse for being so weak

>>36786030
what instrument do you play?
oraganoli

>>36786120
Guitar, bass, sing, could keep a beat on drums but nothing fancy.

I'm depressed because of a lack of ketamine

>>36786423
Cool,been trying to start my own band but I'm to autistic to get bandmates

>>36786708
That's cool man what do you play? Where do you live? Do you write songs?

>>36786768
I only play guitar...I've been told I have a good voice but I'm to self conscious to sing around people..I live in a shitty city in new Mexico lol and yeah I've written a couple of songs but I think they're garbage

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>>36784999
>bad skin
And?
This means, you care other people opinions. You are not belong here.

The only reason I'm depressed is because I actually really want a friend that's a girl that'll let me listen to their problems and that we'll constantly talk to each other. So a best friend that's a girl. Pathetic ikr

I've had Type 1 diabetes since right before I turned 13.
I'm 18, going on 19 now.
It's basically ruined me.
I couldn't do boy scout stuff then, really, cause I was nervous about being away from any real medical help if I needed it and I didn't trust any of my friends to be able to do what might have been needed, and didn't really know the adults well either.
Then, ever since I was a kid, I wanted to do something like join the army or navy - can't do that, cause T1D is an automatic medical disqualifier.
Never held any kind of job.
Now I'm just kind of lost at college; I did alright last semester but I totally fucked this one up, not sure if I'll be allowed to return in the fall.
Just feel like I'm totally fucking up my life.

>>36786966
Not to mention I've taken shit care of myself, mostly because I was so frustrated. I'm trying to do better now, but I'm still worried about the damage that's already been done.

>>36784999
-21 kv
-addicted to drugs
-never had a job
-dropped out of community college
-lying to family
-5inch dicklet
-no motivation for anything
-the girl I was obssessed with in hs got into a high tier college, is in relationship with tall musician, lives on her own, and is generally fullfilled

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>>36784999
>>36785053
>>36785059
>>36785112
>>36785131
>>36785275
>depressed because of looks and annoying traits

I'm sorry is this a joke?

My family hates me, one of my only friends that I ever considered an actual friend and not just someone I talk to at fucking school SHOT HIMSELF and I didn't even know that he was going through it, the one girlfriend, the one I spent three long fucking years orbiting and slowly getting, the one person I loved, hates me, thinks I'm a scumbag, and wants nothing to do with me.

I live surrounded by people who are happy and can have fun while sober, while any happiness that I get comes from a pill or the bottom of a large bottle, and the only fun I get is rarely when I force myself to watch anime or play vidya where other people have fun, and then I feel more like shit because I realize that I'm stuck with this for life, because none of the fucking pills work.

You think you have depression? You think little bits of sadness and self-pity that last a little longer than normal is depression? You need to count your fucking blessings, you lucky cunts. You have no idea what it's like to truly consider yourself dead to the world without any hope.

>inb4 " >implying your suffering invalidates other's"

No it fucking doesn't, but there's still a difference between your finger getting slammed in a door that one time and your hand getting ripped off by a fucking machine.

>>36786860
Well hey dude the key is to have good demoes to show people. all you need to do is buy an interface (i recommend the steinberg ur22), buy a microphone (i recommend the cad m179, or if you want to go dynamic the shure sm58), an xlr and trs cable, and hook your guitar and voice to the interface and then your laptop. Record something in audacity, and show it to other people who play instruments. If it's good, they'll be down to play in your band. If not, then you can release your music on the internet and be a meme. How old are you? What os do you run?

>>36785990
Please elaborate. I genuinely don't understand what's stopping you

>>36786989
Fuck your past man, just focus on what you can do now.>>36787057
I thought 21 was old when I was 21 but man life is really just starting, everything before was practice. Man fuck your past, you don't need it. also fuck that girl, she doesn't matter for your happiness. You know you're supposed to measure your dick from the pubic bone right? Smash that ruler in there, you're probably a half inch longer than you think. Also so what, if a girl likes you she won't care about yor dick size. What drugs are you addicted to?

>>36787075
I'm 18 turning 19 soon I've never actually recorded my music I'll take your recommendations! Maybe some people will like the shit I make lol

>cant form close relationships
>push people away as soon as I get past acquaintance status because I fear rejection
>don't know how to talk to people without saying something wrong
>I'm a retarded faggot with no direction in life

>>36786878
Well I mean it sucks that everyone around you has nice skin I actually became more withdrawn when I started getting acne and Now I don't even leave my house...but I guess your right I shouldn't care what people say about me

>>36787118
Appreciate the (you) man. Opiates every 2-3days and booze in between with xanax on weekends. Oddly enough though I think is a symptom of my shitty life not the cause of it. I just haven't really devloped or experienced anything in the past 4 years. I literally feel 17, except I'm supposed to be an adult. No direction or purpose at all.

>>36787191
Kratom. Do it instead of your hydro or oxy or whatever and thank me later.

t. guy who used to do both occasionally and switched to kratom

>>36787118
It hurts man, it's not easy to let go of dreams, as faggy as that sounds.
I just don't know what to do with myself, I'm gonna apply to some wageslave jobs tomorrow and hope for something, but that's not a long term solution, you know?

>>36787207
Is kratom good for motivation? hoping to take it so it can help my unmotivated ass also thinking of taking phenibut

I've actually gotten to the point where I'm considering marrying a random Vietnamese woman on fb completely out of the blue

>>36787232
Not him, but I wouldn't think so, it mimics the affects of opiods as far as I know, which aren't stimulating.

>>36787232
Diff guy but kratom is good for just being happy/social motivation... but can also be used like a dirty opiate

Phenibut is more subtle but I like it more b/c it lasts long, is cheap and makes me feel normal

>>36787232
I mean no opioid has ever made me motivated but kratom is a fuckton less heavy than hydro or oxy, I used to take fairly strong doses of either when I took those, usually both together (i was weird and autistic, i called it waterflipping) it knocked me on my ass, versus kratom which, unless I'm smoking an unholy amount, just makes you feel a bit like that.

>>36787264
>kratom which, unless I'm smoking
Excuse me sir?

>>36787303
I do make the tea but sometimes I'm lazy.

>grew up with angry assholes, got bullied by everyone; older kids, younger kids, and even girls
>lost my trust in friends after they set up a prank to shame me in front of the whole school
>moved to canada, middleschool was just as bad, i was a target for every single bully because i was weak and unlikeable
>start avoiding people altogether in high school, started hating them before they even opened their mouths
>end up with 1 or 2 friends who i lost touch with
>moved so many houses and schools in between i cant remember anyone's names or even care to meet any new people
>start really hating people, but still feeling lonely because i have no one to talk to
>college was full of people who were the just for education, it was no place for communication
>end up dropping out because i cant even find the will to keep going
>dont have the courage to do anything in life, just play videogames and eat cold pizza

the only reason im alive is because i havent killed myself yet
i have a 12 gauge in my locker and i could easily kill myself at any moment, and its starting to pressure me more and more

>>36787409
Don't do it man it's never too late to improve your life

>>36787063
>but there's still a difference between your finger getting slammed in a door that one time and your hand getting ripped off by a fucking machine

Yeah and there's a difference between being shit on so many times that you die inside and the chemistry in your brain being out of whack because you were fucked from birth desu

>>36787436
Then say that, I was replying to the idiots saying they were depressed for fucking looks and simple relationship problems.

>>36787430
see, i hear this shit all the time, but people dont actually care
>you still have your whole life in front of you!
>its too early! haha
you all just say "keep on living and itll get better" and then go on about your business without giving a shit whether or not your words helped
youre no different the the ones who got their lives figured out and just say "just be urself xd"
dont pretend to care if you dont care

who /dumb/ here?
>make bad decisions frequently
>try to learn stuff but it doesn't stick
i wish i wasn't so fucking dumb

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>>36784999
take 5,000 IU of Vitamin D-3 every day. your acne will clear up immediately

the Jews don't want you to know this but I'm feeling philanthropic today

>>36787557
I have the same problem you do because of my illness...
But my iq's 125 and school's never been that hard for me except for high level maths. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard as they say. Don't give up, but give yourself more room to fail and you'll find more successful than if you were just moping about how dumb you are

>>36785990
I want to be sympathetic, i'm sure there's a good explanation, but like others i don't understand why women don't just escape. surely people will shelter abused women?

>>36787542
That's because there's only so much anyone can do, man. It's really all up to you. If you don't want to do anything but play video games and eat cold pizza, then aside from chaining you and pulling you outside there isn't shit anyone can do to change your life. If you want to change your life, you can, it's really that simple. The fact that you haven't killed yourself means that you don't really want to die, and why should you? Think of how wildly improbable it is that you are alive in the first place, And how you haven't died of disease or starvation.
All you need to do is ask yourself this: "what do I want? What the fuck do I want? And how do I go about getting it?" You don't want to live a miserable life, you want to be happy, and aside from that there are things beside playing video games and eatig cold pizza that you want to do, and you have to remember, never fucking forget, that you HAVE to do it to get what you want. There is no bargaining.

>>36787436
That's a lame, bullshit excuse. All you need to do is accept yourself for who you are, not blame your problems for the rest of your life.

>>36787409
Kids suck man, that's a fact of life. People become much more civil and friendly as they get older and life kicks their ass. Remember this man: life is kicking the ass of a majority of people. You are not alone. There are kind, sympathetic people in the world, but you have to be open to accidentally finding the shitty ones to find the good ones. Letting go of someone toxic is incredibly easy.
Also it's all about exposure. Once you try and succeed or at least not fuck up as badly as you thought, you'll be less scared, and feel less resisitance from yourself when you try again.
It'll be fun. I promise.

>>36786066
>>36787108
>>36787864

What she knows, but can't bring herself to say, is that the abusiveness is what makes him attractive in the first place.

>living in a slav country
>can't speak slav language
>no job
>no life
>no gf
>only stay inside

>>36789181
da fuck are you doing in a slav country? also just go out and speak English and the slav whores will flock to you so they can manipulate you into marriage and green card then divorce

>>36784999
I'm depressed not because my life sucks, but because society is degenerating quickly, and there's nothing a single man can do to fix it.