/mentally ill/ general I fell asleep edition

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>>36763865
>tfw have been on antidepressants on and off since I was twelve

I can't help but think that getting put on them to begin with was a huge mistake and just made me more unstable. Back then it was prozac and studies are coming out now about how terrible it is to use on kids.

>>36763933
Same although I don't think it did anything to me. I didn't stay on them long or consistently enough. Are you doing any sort of talk therapy?

>>36764045
I've done both group therapy and one on one therapy through the years but neither really worked for me.

>>36764096
Damn, have you tried CBT? I know depression can be resilient, I am just asking.

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I'm going to a psychiatrist for the first time ever next week and I was wondering how long does it usually take to get an actual diagnosis? I'm absolutely certain I have major depressive disorder and my therapist also thinks I have avoidant personality disorder.

Also earlier this week I felt reality melting around me and could see it melt with a 3rd eye but I'm not sure what any of that means as far as illnesses.

>>36764173
They usually give you a diagnosis within the first meeting. Which kind of sounds fucked up when you think about it. About hat melting thing... Idk what to say but you should bring that up.

>>36764147

CBT, IPT, and a blend of both and other methods. It's not continuous depression but I always end up relapsing even after months of feeling great. Right now I'm in an upswing so I'm hoping it lasts.

>>36764270
Damn. Yeah depression is really hard to shake. Maybe I'm writing mg but I think most people (with depression) aren't continuously depression it usually comes in waves.

>>36763865
>have pure o-ocd
>have it entire life
>daily functioning becomes more difficult over time
>isolate myself from everyone else in free time
>want to kill myself every day for a decade
>develop depression
>do worse and worse over time in school
>have no motivation for activity or jobs
>start to feel like a disappointment
>constantly hide that by being the goofball in the friends group, feel like a coward because of it
>go to therapy
>four months in, therapy hasn't helped in any shape or form
>therapist is an asshole when i try to cooperate with him and are respectful
>get worse and worse every day
>the only thing that stops you from killing yourself is family and friends


What's the point in living, I hate generic fortune cookie bullshit. "It all gets better, promise!". "Teh world needs you, we'll miss you!" Literally fuck off with that shit, fuck christian bullshit, fuck "permanent fix for a temporary problem".

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>on busipirone, and bupropion since last wednesday
>got locked up in the psych ward last week for 3 days even though i didnt mean to, i just wandered to the first psychiatric building i saw at the hospital i have insurance at
>diagnosis: "depression, severe, recurrent with psychosis"
>also have borderline personality disorder if my own judgement is to be trusted
>felt amazing when i got out
>days usually start off feeling good, slow change into some tense fucking emotion i cant identify, not quite anxiety, maybe, i cant fucking tell
>downswing is hard as fuck tonight
>suicidal ideation every single day
>cant sleep naturally, have to stay up until im on the brink of exhaustion
>otherwise i just lay awake anyway as memories and bullshit bubble up to make me want to kill myself or cut or burn
>parents took away my gun
>it needs cleaning
>also looking at felony drug charges because self-medication is illegal
>went to jail for two days, parents bailed me out
>being in there was pure hell
>didnt eat, sleep, dissociative the whole time
>still looking for a lawyer
Im goimg to kill myself if i have to go back.
Intermittent rage that gives way to a hollow sorrow.
When i wake up its always at 9 no matter when i went to bed. My mood in the morning is like smooth jazz in an empty room. Then it gives way to some sort of tense, blunted panic as i shuffle through work.
I wish she was still in my life. I wish i was worth loving. I wish i didnt break everything i cared about. I have no hope for a better future for myself or anyone.

>>36764485
same problem as u, always had anxiety issues but got pure o-ocd 3 years ago and it's completely fked me over
I'm on 4 different drugs and I still feel like shit

>>36763865
I recently scheduled a visit with a psychiatrist. I think I'm depressed, but the word is so overused these days that I don't know. I know you guys are not professionals but

>oversleep almost daily, takes me over an hour to fall asleep every night, typically have bad dreams
>wake up not wanting to do anything, lie in bed for an hour or more if I have the day off
>work ethic at work is suffering because I find it hard to care or stay motivated
>relationship is strained due to how needy and paranoid I am, find it hard to put the work in to fix it
>don't ever want to go out, hang out and talk with friends, or stay home
>can't be fucked to clean my room or apartment
>don't enjoy doing anything when I do go out, typically just wait to go back home
>lost interest in all my old hobbies
>fidget constantly

Does anyone here know these feels or am I just normal but a bitch

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Bipolar schizophrenic (schizoaffective, bipolar type) here.