/mentally ill/ general no normies edition

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Just drink your problems away.

>>36758365
Alcohol just makes things worse. Which might actually be what I need right now...

Went to a therapist today for the first time in about 10 years. Narrowed my bipolar disorder down to manic depressive. Starting a mood stabilizer as well as anxiety medicine. Hoping for the best

>>36758442
Good luck anon. What did they put you on? Lithium?

>>36758495

They put me on Depakote for now, though I think it works similiar to Lithium. Got to get blood work down to make sure it isn't toxic or something. The anxiety medicine is Buspirone. I've taken xanax, valium, and klonopins before but this one is new to me.

>>36758597
>Buspirone
Oh wow it's been a while since I've heard of Buspirone. It's not that common.

>>36758307
Pretty sure I'm schizophrenic. My family wants me to go see someone but the psychiatrist will just make it worse so I keep paying him to talk

>>36758811
>the psychiatrist will just make it worse
How?

>>36758307
>tranny
>ADHD
>schizoid

i dont know how my body hasnt croaked yet by being bombarded by all these pills

>>36758866
Give me pills to make it worse

>>36759008
Go see a psychiatrist anon. Schizophrenia can't be effectively treated without medication.

>>36758307
Well anon, no matter how much of you that you begin to lose as the time goes on and your brain degrades.. Remember that you should hold the you that you remember closest to your heart.

Oh and also cheer the hell up bud, I feel bad reading it since I've seen some people drop pretty hard to mental illness, try to think of something you can do and perhaps mix it with disability pay if you can't work.

Also bipolar. It came on slowly in my teens and the episodes have just gotten worse over the years. On meds but I feel so lifeless and devoid of passion. I am just apathetic most of the time now and I am trying to make it work. If I go off the meds I will undoubtedly kill myself. Being on meds makes me feel like nothing more than a lifeless husk, and if this continues for to long I will end up killing myself anyways. Death would be alright, but I wish to hold on for at least a few more years when my brother and sisters are older and better able to handle my passing.

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>>36759235
B-but I want to be an electrical engineer. This was the only thing I was enjoying. But thank you for your kindness.

>>36759283
It fucking sucks. You either have to choose between being hindered by your illness or your medication. And both suck. Plus the stigma. How will I ever get a qt wife. No one wants a bipolar spouse.

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>>36759392
There's always hope pal, always. The moment you drop it is the moment you drop. Fate could tug at your strings for a while but you've gotta take charge eventually right? Do your best to live and make the most outta the short shitty existence we're given. I'd give you a high five and a hug bud, but sorry. Can't.

>>36759450
I appreciate the kind words.

>>36759604
If you ever need a few kind words to get yourself moving, you might find me if you post again. Keep the ball rolling.

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>>36759648
You're too kind anon

> 10 years on antidepressants
> Used to be very smart, now Im very slow
> Still depressed
> can orgasm maybe once a month with great time and effort
Fuck all of this

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>>36759786
Truly deep down I'm an evil person who wishes for nothing more then to gain the trust of others then become a serial killer.. But for now, I'll try to remain the gentleman that I am. I wish you the best good sir.

Hello fellow bipolar! Don't despair. Have you tried amphetamines? Meditation? Daily exercise? Stoic philosophy?

Lamotragine?

I thought I was fucked for a whole decade before I found a regimen that worked. You just gotta keep at it. We are strong. Normie don't know how easy they got it. We are born survivors.

life can be like a rock and a hard place. Sometimes we are simply dealt a poor hand. It is frustrating when the problem is genetic and or biological. This is simply who we are to a degree. I am somewhat resigned, but at least life was a fascinating experience even if I mostly just observed the world around me. Take in all that you are able to while you can, experience all that you are able to. I refuse to make an empty promise like it will get better, but try your best to hold out as long as you are willing to stand it just in case there was something amazing for you to experience waiting right around the corner.

I work out for 1hr a day, read philosophy, and for meds I take Vyvanse, Abilify, and Lamotrigine.

Hypochondria, mixed with ongoing medical problems makes anon a very panicked boy

I want this end guys.

>>36758307
Im with you man, also bipolar and my brain feels like mush

>>36758307
Me too anon :( feels bad
ive gone back on meds to see if that helps
here if you need a friend who somewhat understands

>tfw sperg with chronic major depressive disorder
>started to get better in september 2016
>get into PhD program
>a month later a severe episode kicks in
>melancholic symptoms
>social burnout, can no longer control autistic traits
>cognitive impairment, can't pay attention, can't concentrate, start forgetting things, slow thinking
>unable to get up from bed
>tfw had to dropout from PhD
>tfw NEET
>episode gets worse
>eating every 2-3 days, no appetite, everything is tasteless
>weigh loss and mild dehydration
>can't enjoy anything
>can't even listen to music
>can't even waste time on the internet
>lying motionless on the floor all day
>decreased mental activity
>emotional numbness, not even suffering, not even will to die
>Cotard's depressive delusion
>symptoms get gradually better after 3 months
>regain emotions and start feeling like shit
>ruminations about worthlessness, failure, hopelessness and despair
>spend all day wasting time on the internet, listening to music and trying to (pathetically) study to comfort me
>one day I'm finally able to go outside
>go visit the shrink
>tfw candidate to ECT

I've been on a SNRI + aripiprazole for 5 years but they're not working anymore. ECT is best for me even though the cognitive side effects are scary.

I don't have suicidal ideation during a severe episode because it is serious enough to erradicate my will and my ability to desire anything. I only crave death everytime I have a mild or moderate episode and when I start to get "better" after a severe one. I do have some reasons to live when I'm sane, though. But they seem absurd when I'm sick. I have a family history of suicide so the risk of me eventually committing seppuku is very high.

I once thought I could do so much more but I guess this will not be the case. I can tell it won't end well.

My apologies for blogposting.

Just spilled my guts to my mother about my crippling depression, schizoid personality and sociopathic tendencies after spending 4 dark days holed up in my room.

She just sort of brushed it off and told me to ask God for advice.

I want to destroy everything. I hate everything.

the bipolar meds made me have delayed speech/dumbed me down come off them anon, even my thepaist pointed this out

>>36760117
Try Transcranial magnetic stimulation? It's expensive, but gives the same benefits of ECT without the short-term memory loss. To do ECT you basically need to be okay with not remembering 6 months of your life - obviously you can't hold a job or do school during this time either.

That being said if you've only tried those meds, you have a long way to go before ECT/ TMS become your last resort. I found Lithium after 10+ meds and it works great for my depression, despite being a bipolar drug.

>>36760117
just see it through for as long as you can anon. I tend to lose weight during my depressive bouts as well and vegetate in my bed like a corpse in a casket. The worst part of it is how much it derails your life. I can tolerate sadness, but I tend to crack when I go numb because I harm myself just so that the pain reminds me that I am still alive. When I was forcibly admitted they originally thought I was mdd, but it turns out I was bipolar type 2 all along. Mostly depression with 1-3 days out of the month when I cross into a hypomanic state. I am better with meds but it is no long term solution and I am resigned that I will end it in a final gamble for control at some point. Do you ever feel consumed by an obsession for self control out of the helpless frustration at how much your life gets derailed by something like depression?

>>36760412
I was certainly considering TMS but my shrinks favour ECT.

I've tried several combinations of antidepressive, antipsychotic and neurostimulant drugs (was diagnosed 11 years ago) but only those 2 used to work fine and without serious adverse effects. I've never tried lithium, though. I'm considering it now. Thank you.

>>36760463
Yes, I cab relate to this to a point, but only when I'm almost fully recovered from an episode. If I end up killing myself it would be during one of those time periods, maybe as a desperate method to symbolically regain the control. The impotence and frustration can become too much for me to deal with.

When I'm numb I also have marked motor retardation so it's less physically dangerous. I don't even think much.

It's also true that this pattern could change in the future. I'm uncertain and it's very frustrating.

I just got put back on Zoloft after I stopped on my own after only being on it for a couple of months
Yet to take my first dose, will it keep me up if I take it at night?

>wanted to join the army for as long as i can remember
>a history mental illness precludes one from joining
>suffer through what i think is depression for something like 10 years or so in the vain hope that sometime i might be ready
>eventually just give up on ever achieving the one thing i wanted to do
Decided to see a psychiatrist about a month ago and was diagnosed major depressive with anxiety disorder, i feel very pathetic.
I'm taking 10mg of olanzapine and 40mg of fluoxetine and can't seem to cum anymore.