Psychological Issues #50

Hey Nick. How have you been?

>>36721368

State of emergency has turned to deep depression, which was there before, but the anxiety stuff made me feel like there was something to do, something to fight.

I had a migraine with aura yesterday and had another one today. First time this happens to me at work.

My head hurts and living is pain.

You?

>>36721447
I'm fine. I don't really know how to respond to your pain.

I found something out today. I can still feel sad when watching movies.

>>36721498

It's OK, nobody does.

>>36721535

Very interesting, actually. Why were you sad?

Hi, I'm sorry about last night, you were right about everything. It was wrong to argue, reading the thread now makes me feel shameful. I had my bf read the thread and he agrees with you 100%.

Aside from that, I talked with my coworker again and said I feel uncomfortable but he insisted I come, and promised I'd be safe. He sounded sincere. I believe him. I'll go on my own, and if anything does happen, it'll be my fault alone

Is your state of mind supposed to be depressed by default?

>>36721596
I was just watching Forest Gump, and his best friend died.

>>36721673
>It was wrong to argue

I don't recall arguing. It wasn't arguing to me, just discussing ideas back and forth. Unless you're thinking of something else.

Did your coworker really insist on telling you you'd be safe? As opposed to wondering why you'd be scared?

>>36721747

No, but it may be.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

Test it.

>>36721756

That's empathy. You have some, work on it!

>>36721283
How the fuckam I supposed to deal with the guy that has been demeaning and basically bullying me? I have beaten his ass 3 times and one time this cunt had the audacity of trying to call someone to beat me. He didn't though because we """"made up"""""". How the fuck am I supposed to deal with a person who hasn't stopped pestering me even after I beat his ass so hard that he had to go to the local clinic to get ice for his little smug face?

>>36721862

Call the police. You can ask for a restraining order eventually.

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>>36721804
I feel like shit when I'm alone
I feel like shit when I'm surrounded by people

>>36721784
Less arguing, and more me saying incredibly stupid things while you corrected me.

>Did your coworker really insist on telling you you'd be safe? As opposed to wondering why you'd be scared?

Yes, I suppose because it's quite obvious why I'd be scared

>>36721997

You have a strong case of depression. In that state, company doesn't easily feel good. You'd be different in a normal state, don't worry about it.

Since when have you felt this way?

>>36721673
I wish you the best of luck Ethan. >>36721596
Afternoon Nick.

>>36722040
Thank you very much!

muted

>>36722040
Dropped my name

>>36722029
>more me saying incredibly stupid things while you corrected me.

I don't recall anything incredibly stupid either, Ethan. You're way too hard on yourself.

>>36722029
>Yes, I suppose because it's quite obvious why I'd be scared

True, in a sense. Still, bring some good pepper spray with you.

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>>36721972
Been thinking about it but calling the police would get me labelled as a pussy surely. Interesting thing is that I could sue him for sexual assault because his ''banter'' involves groping my and other men in our uni group's junk and making some weird sexual jokes towards us. It's interesting how he does this to a lot of people but since I lashed out at him I have been seen as aggressive and ubstable. Seriously fuck those normies defending the faggot that has admitted to putting bottles in his anus(once infront of us) and then continued groping us but nah he isn't a latent homosexual lads its ok.

>>36722089

hello, Hero.

>>36722097

What the hell is that guy's problem?

>>36722173
I really don't know I think he could be legitimately mentally ill or suffer from a severe case of being ignored as a child from his dad or dunno. He always needs to do something faggy and otherwise disgusting to be in the centre of attention.

>>36722091
>I don't recall anything incredibly stupid either, Ethan. You're way too hard on yourself.

You I and I both know I was spouting nonsense because I was emotional. It won't happen again.

>True, in a sense. Still, bring some good pepper spray with you.

Is it weird for someone like me, who cried because I had to walk home without a weapon, doesn't actually want to bring a weapon? It seems extremely disrespectful to bring one into his house, especially when other people are there and he's promised my safety

>>36722032
Pretty much since I've known myself. I have very few memories of my early childhood (<12) because of how uneventful and boring it was. The other years where also very uneventful, my entire life would just be home>school school>home. I was never social in school, so I just spent all my time walking around on breaks, and when I was home I would just sit on my PC literally all day. My emotions vary from blank to shit, and when I do feel happy I'm aware it's temporary and will only last a short time.
BTW it was very hard for me to write this, I just didn't know what to say about myself. I have all these theories, solutions and problems inside my head that are perfectly understandable to me but I just can't extract them from my brain.

>>36722088
Welcome. Don't be afraid to leave the dinner early if you feel the need to.
>>36722100
Hope you get to feeling better

>>36722283
>Welcome. Don't be afraid to leave the dinner early if you feel the need to.

I'm not planning on staying long at all, unless it turns out to be a genuinely good time

>>36722215

Does he realise how obnoxious he is?

>>36722218
>You I and I both know I was spouting nonsense because I was emotional. It won't happen again.

Do you mean the Rob stuff?

>>36722218
>It seems extremely disrespectful to bring one into his house, especially when other people are there and he's promised my safety

He's been disrespectful to you for months and mocked you when you came out with your assault story. He won't even know you have it on you. Pepper spray is the only thing that really incapacitates efficiently and from a distance.

You are definitely taking some pepper spray, sir!

>>36722310
He does but whenever someone tells him ''stop'' or ''you are annoying me'' he revels in those words and becomes an even bigger pain in the ass who gets entartained by your misery. Someday I will meet him alone where there are no people to save him from me smashing his face in I swear to God.

>>36722364
I would consider getting the police involved, if he's going around groping people.

I'm pretty sure that's a violation of the NAP.

>>36722356
>Do you mean the Rob stuff?

Yes, that, and what came just before it. I wasn't even ever planning on telling you about him, if only I hadn't accidentally typed his name (nick)name in a post, I wouldn't have said such idiotic things. If he was here he'd probably slap me.

>You are definitely taking some pepper spray, sir!

Well if you insist, I suppose I could bring one of those little key chain ones so I can hide it from him

>>36722407
>If he was here he'd probably slap me.

I doubt it. Neither he nor I are half as hard on you as you are on yourself.

And yes, bring something discreet, but bring something.

That said, my thought is: if you think such a thing is useful, maybe you shouldn't go at all.

Are any other coworkers invited?

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>>36722356
>>36722218
I wouldn't go with anything less than pic related.
>>36722364
What an actual faggot. Whenever he gropes you again you are well within your rights to retaliate. Single-knuckle strike to whatever he touched you with, followed by "Don't touch me"

I hate my life
>autism
>no social skills (color me surprised)
>ugly as fuck
>rare skin disease
>haven't had a friend in several years
>low iq, dumb as fuck
>unatainable oneitis
Just kill me

>>36722384
>>36722450
Hell this talk makes me even more furious about that little shit. Next time he tries to be a disgusting faggot I am going to make sure it's his last even if it means getting into a conflict with him for the FOURTH time in one year.

>>36722519
Whats the disease, if you don't mind me asking?
I am now robot approved to post

Hello Nick & co, I'm feeling a bit bad today, mainly because of uni deadlines, the thing is that I have no I dea of what I have to do, the teachers are shit, and this uni seems like it's making me learn nothing of value and is just a waste of time,
but also there is nothing I want to study and this is just the lesser bad

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>>36722438
>I doubt it. Neither he nor I are half as hard on you as you are on yourself.

He was hard on me for being hard on myself. He'd tell me to stop telling myself I was worthless, because he'd do it for me. (as a joke of course, but he was trying to get a point across)

>That said, my thought is: if you think such a thing is useful, maybe you shouldn't go at all.

He really wants me to go, and I detest lying to the point that I can't make an excuse.

>Are any other coworkers invited?

As far as I know, it's his friends, and a couple of family, which might mean brothers or something

>>36722450
>I wouldn't go with anything less than pic related.

I actually have one like this pic, except it has my name carved into the side and is 4.5 inches long, making it illegal, but I need it to feel safe. I'd never actually use it though, I'd much rather go with pepper spray, so I don't actually harm anyone

>>36722550
Vitiligo. Not that it matters, I'm so pale it's barely noticeable

>>36722610
>and a couple of family, which might mean brothers or something

This reassures me. If family is involved, the chances of this being a set-up are drastically reduced.

>>36722545
Just remember to not initiate. Only retaliate against him touching you, no more.
>>36722565
I've been in the uni system for five years, and haven't learned a damn thing. Having the paper get places to see you're "qualified" then you learn everything on the job anyways. Speaking of I need to call that guy back here in an hour or so. This has to have been the longest lunch ever

>>36722637
When I asked what family, he skated around the question, and wouldn't tell me the names of the other people, basically saying that I'll meet them when I'm there, which I don't really like. Also, I forgot to say, it's on Friday now for some reason

>>36722623
>Vitiligo
I'm sorry for you. On the bright side, its not crippling or extremely painful!
>>36722637
I'm more worried, but thats because I've known some families who were rotten all the way through. The crazy cannibal family that movie was based on lived somewhat near where I live
>>36722688
>Its on Friday now
Can your SO go now since its Friday instead of Thursday
?

>>36722688
>When I asked what family, he skated around the question, and wouldn't tell me the names of the other people, basically saying that I'll meet them when I'm there, which I don't really like.

Don't go.

That's too many red flags:

- says he doesn't have enough food for ONE more person and THEN says there's no enough room to sit; both are BS excuses, since he hasn't even bought the food and you can always make some extra room

- why skate around a question about who in his family may come? Even if he isn't sure, he can always say "Maybe my father, maybe my brother," but not nothing.

Too dodgy.

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>>36722723
>tfw forgot /spoiler tag

Schizo-affective.

I may or may not be commited to a hospital soon, We have been talking to my counsellor and they are giving us the runaround, I need something to change in my life and I am ready for it but I need help to do it.

>>36722723
>Can your SO go now since its Friday instead of Thursday

Unfortunately not, he's working that evening too.

>>36722743
>Don't go

Are you sure? I'll at least have my pepper spray on me

>>36722249
I think you missed to respond to me Nick

>>36722723
>The crazy cannibal family that movie was based on lived somewhat near where I live

If you mean the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was not based on a true story. The title card that says this at the beginning of the movie is intentionally lying to you, a post-Nixon reaction to being lied to. The movie is based, loosely, on a few things that Ed Gein did, but that's about all. There was never a cannibal family, Ed Gein was alone, and mentally deficient, and usually resorted to using corpses and "only" killed two people, maybe 3. And this happened in Wisconsin, if I remember correctly, but not Texas.

>>36722777
>Are you sure? I'll at least have my pepper spray on me

How exactly did he skate around the question?

>>36722643
I know, i'm going to uni just to get that piece of paper called a degree, but it still makes my anxiety reach the fucking space.

>>36722800
>How exactly did he skate around the question?

I asked who and he basically just said "don't worry about it", and then started talking about something else quickly

>>36722249
>I have all these theories, solutions and problems inside my head that are perfectly understandable to me

Share some.

>>36722783

I did. My bad. Thanks for drawing my attention to it.

>>36722810
>"don't worry about it", and then started talking about something else quickly

Mmm... This only works if he thinks you may be worried about which family member, but that doesn't really make sense.

Still fishy. If there are NO family members once you get there, run.

>>36722848
>Still fishy. If there are NO family members once you get there, run.

Well he didn't say that family would DEFINITELY be there though, so I'm ready for there not to be any of them. He said that there will only be two or three friends of his there as well

>>36722788
No no no the Weat Virginia ones. Can't remember the name of the movie though. Their house still stands last I heard.
>>36722809
It will be worth it once get the job or so I keep telling mysef

>>36721814
Maybe. I don't know, but maybe.

>>36722883
>He said that there will only be two or three friends of his there as well

So 4 or 5 people total.

Red flag: he said the place would be packed and he couldn't have 1 more room, yet he isn't unsure of how many people are actually coming.

This shit doesn't add up.

If you get in and see that the table is big enough for many more people, say you forgot something in your car and never go back.

Hello everyone, how are we doing today?

>>36722919
>say you forgot something in your car and never go back.

I don't have a car, and I wouldn't be able to bring myself to lie.

As for space, he told me he lives in a bungalow, which kind of accounts for the lack of room

>>36722828
Well, I'm gonna start with the solutions since they are the simplest to write about. I'm basically betting my entire well-being on two things:
1)Moving out
2)Getting a girlfriend

I'm currently living with my parents and I feel like being independent will be a huge step forward for me. The way I am now I don't even feel human - I don't make my own food, I don't clean my own house, don't pay my own bills, don't clean my own dishes - I basically feel half alive. Moving out will force me to be independent and learn how to actually exist in this world.

Now as for the girlfriend thing - I have very low self esteem and am incapable of being intimate. Getting a girlfriend will, by its own, make my self-esteem go up and I'll learn how to feel intimacy. I don't even need a long-lasting happy relationship, just knowing I'm capable of getting one will be enough for the beginning.

Also, whenever I can I go out of my way to do things I wouldn't usually do, just to break the monotony (for example, greet somebody on the street, ask something even though I don't care at all about it etc.)

Input?

>>36722925
Worried. Starting to think the guy doesn't want to hire me and is just running me around

>>36723013

That's awful seriously, do you think he's just using you as cheap labour?

>>36723008
>bungalow

Moving out is a great idea. Getting a girlfriend should be its own purpose. By all means, do get someone, but try not to see it as a tool.

Sounds good to me.

>>36723008
First things first, get your parents(if they're willing) to teach you these things. Spend between 3-8months learning how to do dishes, laundry, cooking, and cleaning. Learning how to do these things will give you confidence. Once you are confident in your ability to live on your own it will give you some measure of self-confidence that others will see.
>>36723027
I have only been in phone with the guy, but I have been unable to get an answer. He was supposed to call me back after lunch yesterday, but no lunch takes 25hours.

>>36722911
I don't think I share feelings.

>>36723078

Yeh sounds shady as fuck, I thought my day was bad but at least I don't have to worry about what you're worrying about

>>36723110
How's your day been Kaz?

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>>36721283
yes, finally i arrived early
>>36721447
i know people have probably tell you this before but you should really go over the possibility of antidepressants with your psychologist. the side effects from antidepressants in most people cease in a matter of weeks, at most in a matter of couple of months.

i know the prospect of antidepressants can be a bit humbling, you might feel like you should beat this alone. but everyone needs a bit of help once in a while. you cant get it from your parents obviously, nor from a significant other and you sound like you have been neglecting your friendships (although thats just my impression i could be wrong). nothing wrong about getting it from medication, it is just another dimension of therapy

sorry for the rambling nicky... (i hope you dont mind me calling you nicky, i find it sweeter and it expresses more accurately the affection i feel for you

>>36723078
>Spend between 3-8months learning how to do dishes, laundry, cooking, and cleaning.

You don't need that much. His parents may not be the sort you want to learn from if they never taught him this stuff.

YouTube tutorials on your own when you're independent will be plenty enough. It really isn't that complicated.

Call the guy back.

>>36723078
I already know how to do most of those things, it's just that currently I don't have to do them. I do occasionally help with say the dishes or cleaning my room, but it's not expected of me. I want to live in my own place so I HAVE to do those things, because the way I am know I spend 90% of my free time doing literally nothing.

>>36721283
I should die, I think a lot of people would agree when they take an objective look at my life and my future prospects Both of which are virtually non-existent. I'm going to have to work up the insane amount of courage one needs to put their neck on the tracks and bear with the terrifying sounds and vibrations of an incoming train because people are uncomfortable with suicide. It feels like I'm being punished for taking responsibility of my life the only way I can.

>>36723149
>i know people have probably tell you this before but you should really go over the possibility of antidepressants with your psychologist.

We have, and I said no. I've been on them from 2004 to 2012, with one break, and never noticed any positive changes, just side effects.

My depressions are not simple depressions, they're only a symptom of much worse, and that's why medication won't help.

>>36723149
>you might feel like you should beat this alone.

Never was a problem to me. I used to think meds were the only thing I needed, that everything else was fine. Boy, was I wrong.

I don't have many friends, but I am not neglecting them. Just moving beyond the grasp of anyone's help.

Don't worry, you weren't rambling and I appreciate it. You may call me Nicky, but absolutely nobody else is.

>>36723144

Not the best, could be worse. Went over to my parents house today and my dad asked me if i wanted to go to a gig (since he had two extra tickets) me being the lazy autismo I am said no, he immedietly said "Well thats the end of that conversation" in a really passive aggressive tone and snapped at me saying that i never want to experience anything or life after a few minutes of awkward silence after my dad went upstairs I just wished mum goodbye and left

Hey everyone, how is everybody doing today?

Dan hasnt messaged me today, should I message him or wait until he messages me first?

>>36723193

You should get help, because you need help. For now, that's all you need to focus on.

>>36723222
>Well thats the end of that conversation" in a really passive aggressive tone and snapped at me saying that i never want to experience anything or life after a few minutes of awkward silence after my dad went upstairs I just wished mum goodbye and left

Not a good attitude at all and may reveal something more toxic.

A good father wouldn't use the occasion to vent, but he would try to understand what's wrong. Doing what he did only makes things worse.

Making you pay for saying no is just shit.

>>36723235

Message him.

I need help killing myself. Please somebody help me.

>>36723264

I guess so, I think it's just the fact that he was already burnt out from work was in a bad mood, plus i've always been a really bad shut-in, i spent more time in my bedroom playing vidya than actually going outside, and I continue to that to this day even in my own apartment

>>36723366

You need help, yes, but not for that. Tell me why you want to die.

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>>36723221
>I've been on them from 2004 to 2012, with one break, and never noticed any positive changes, just side effects.
fuck, i suppose that is no longer a possibility then. did you try several meds antidepressants? im assuming you did but i may as well ask just in case

i suppose the underlying psychological cause, or causes dont let the meds help, that's a shame
>>36723221
>Never was a problem to me
my bad, i was projecting. for a long time i thought i should beat the depression by myself and that i actually didnt "deserve" help. whatever "deserve" means

on an unrelated, most possibly lighter note: do you have any insight on crossdressing? causes, etc.?

>>36723389

Yes, but that behaviour need not have started with you, it may not be your fault. Kids are what you make them for a lot of things.

OK I think I need help.
Due within the next 3 weeks:
-Dissertation (writing should have begun in January)
-4 exams, 2 that I MUST pass and quite advanced, and 2 that could help me get a job (language course)
This is on top of a full time course during the weekdays, so I can't just do 9-5 Mon-Fri.

I've been accepted to continue my course in another country (a more specialised track) next academic year. I don't have enough money to support myself next year, but whatever, that problem pales in comparison to the rest (for now). But that's why I can't just do the usual academic option of "claim stress and get an extension". This all needs to be done, and within the time limit. But when I get to my desk, I sit down and I just freeze. The stress of what I need to do is becoming overwhelming, I'm struggling to talk about anything else when i'm in company, and I know it's beginning to annoy people but if that's literally all I can think of, what else can I say?

I'll try writing bullet points for an introduction, then forget about it. I'll start to try interpret data, get confused and just leave it. My notes are a mess, and growing up I've always had spectacularly poor self control (my childhood was junk food, late bedtimes and do just enough in school to not get in trouble). I've always had big ambitions, but the type to drop something soon as I realise I'm not immediately good at it.

I'm doing my masters (in a foreign country), and for my bachelors degree I KNOW I didn't deserve to pass it. I did my honours project report in 4 days, and it's an experience I don't want a repeat of. The only jobs I've ever worked were 0 hour contract/minimum wage/exploitative types, and when I was younger I figured that no matter what I wanted to be, I'd end up working as a cashier or something, but I've been trying to change that.

I feel like it's too late to seek professional help, and it'd take too long anyway for what I need to do.

I appreciate any input you have on this.

>>36723152
Ah ok that makes more sense
>>36723151
I did. Left a message today.

>>36723406
>i suppose the underlying psychological cause, or causes dont let the meds help, that's a shame

I suspsect Borderline traits and C-PTSD, very strong suspicions. Psychiatrist, who works with my therapist, prescribed me some plants, I'll get that tomorrow but have zero hope that it'll do anything.

As to crossdressing, I often did it for pure fun with my LO. I'd put her tank tops on and we'd both laugh. Nothing sexual about it, just fun.

Would you want to physically be a woman?

>>36723403
because i deserve to die i deserve to do what i want with my life. having depression shouldn't take that right away.

yeah i guess you really should just quit it and live at home

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LO just texted me.

Brace.

>>36723451
>having depression shouldn't take that right away.

It doesn't, but understand that you're under an illusion. The specific purpose of depression is to make you kill yourself, don't fall for it. Resist, seek help. Try every option available.

You are depressed because your situation is shit, whether it's obvious or not.

Tell me more. Do you know why you are depressed?

>>36723476
Here for you bossman

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>>36723445
>Would you want to physically be a woman?
you know, its a bit weird. since about when i was 9 or 10 i felt very awkward about having men parts but i didnt exactly wanted to be a woman, i just dont wanted to have anything at all down there, like an angel. that feeling remained all throughout my adolescence with the backthought that maybe being a woman would be closer to having nothing down there than being a man. i had an obsession with purity, in fact i had some OCD symptoms like washing hands several times, taking hour and a half long baths etc. when i met my last exgf i started to wear her dresses, undies and pantyhose when she wasnt around and i would touch myself. there was a grey dress of hers that i really loved, when i broke up with her and slept with other girls i would ask for their undies as souvenirs and wear them to work

honestly i dont know where to start and where to end with my issues. im a clusterfuck


>>36723476

holy shit man that's big news. here for you, nicky

>>36723545
>>36723545
I live in the 21st century, have a roof over my head and food in my belly. My situation is not shit. I'm depressed because I was told because I want to die I must be depressed.

>>36723569

She asked if I was OK. I said, "No, you?" She said, "Same." Then I told her I was here for her if she needed anything.

And that's it for now.

I know she's suffering immensely because of me. She never wanted us to part. She was ready to sacrifice everything just to be married to me, even when she thought I didn't really love her. Back then, I couldn't think clearly about anything except her health, and I knew I would need a lot of time to digest everything. Eventually, she decided to go, but it wasn't clear to me how long this would be.

I have no idea what's going to happen.

Hey everyone!

How are we doing?

>>36723639

That's definitely something to investigate. I'd say there are many things at once. Some body dysmorphia, perhaps, some fetishism, maybe.

Do you tie this to anything else?

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These threads always appear right when im about to go to work and my work wifi wont let me post, just lurk.
Mood swings. Barely been a week on meds but theyre very noticeable now. A lot of it has to do with dealing with my family and my one argentina friend whos severely depressed and has anxiety and his inability to figure out a medication that works for him and his general detachment from his own treatment process.

I NEED AUTHORS THAT HAVE CHANGED YOUR LIFE.

>>36723723
>My situation is not shit.

Friend, the most first world thing you can do is assume that material wealth and comfort makes you happy. Anyone feeling how you feel is in the shittest situation. You know very well that you'd sooner be happy with half the shit you own. Imagine being happy as fuck on an island with everything you need to survive, for a month or so.

And yes, wanting to die means you're pretty fucking depressed. It's a symptom, it's not logic.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

Do this test for.

>>36723792

We were waiting for you, Dan.

Doing shit. Yourself?

>>36723833
authors as in writers?
Because if that, Pirandello surely had a great influence on me

>>36723833
>Barely been a week on meds but theyre very noticeable now.

How so?

>>36723406
>crossdressing
Other than its fun as hell.
Gf used to let me borrow her panties and enjoyed seeing me in them from time to time. For her the contrast of masculine physiology and the feminine accoutrements turned her on. For me it just made me feel sexy.

>>36723903

When I did it, it was just hilarious, but absolutely not sex. I never wore panties though. I tried bras and tops and maybe a skirt. It's just grotesque and fun. Neither of us thought this was sexy at all. I'm too muscular now to look sexy in feminine attire.

>>36723899
I meant the moodswings are more noticeable. Yesterday as soon as i got up i had a lightly euphoric, almost manic feeling, corners of my mouth had hints of a smile most of the day and people at work even commented that i came in looking joyous. Then as the day started to wind down it turned to a restless sort of ferling and then when i got home i just felt bad and had the urge to mutilate which i spent the night resisting until i passed out at 5.
Before meds i never really had an "up" mood, i just went from "tolerable emptiness" to "anguish".

>>36723936
>not sex.

Not sexy.

I HATE THAT FUCKING CHEAP LAPTOP AND ITS SHIT KEYBOARD, FUCK.

>>36723877
Authors, writers, same spiel! Never heard of him, seems like a name to look into judging by a quick wiki glance. Im always hunting for new authors besides my collection of basic americana and my older brothers collection of dark authors.
>>36723936
It was always sexy for me. Making out in her room with the two of us wearing matching panties is still one of my favorite and most intimate memories. That and wearing some through school days.

I'm sexually attracted to young girls and I've been trying to go to therapy for it but it seems there are no psychologists in my town that are available.

I've tried three already and I'm really not sure what to do.

>>36723853
>on an island with everything you need to survive
If I was alone that would be great.
I want to live my life in total isolation, I don't want to have to interact with people anymore. I can't trust anybody.

>>36724055
>That and wearing some through school days.
>>36723639
>i would ask for their undies as souvenirs and wear them to work

Now wondering how many men are secretly wearing female underwear.

I know it's a thing for paramedics and others, they do find people who are wearing some kinky shit upon encountering grave dangers to their physical integrity.

>>36724152

Have you looked up schizoid disorder?

>>36724153
THEYRE OUT THERE
AMONG US
BE AROUSED
BE VERY AROUSED
Ooo-eee-ooo

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>>36723798
theres a couple of links i can think of: when i was a child and an adolescent i identified more with my mom but im not entirely sure if thats relevant. also when my psychosis developed the obsession with purity turned into almost cutting my dick with a knife but there were conflicting voices, some said to do it, some said i was the sleeping god's chosen despite my shortcomings (my deviant sexuality, my sexuality itself, my lack of direction, my violent thoughts etc. in short my impurity)

also why do you think you may have Borderline? im not too familiar with the aspects of it
>>36723903
>For me it just made me feel sexy.
same. i also loved the femenine smells and textures. made me hard as rock

>>36724224

You'd do well to speak with Facet and Lily, I think both have similar issues concerning bodies.

>>36724224
>also why do you think you may have Borderline? im not too familiar with the aspects of it

Because my emotions seem to be more intense than the norm. Relationship ends affect me much more than they should. I'm liable to faint depending on the context. I used to do self-harm. And massive derealisation issues.

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>legally diagnosed with clinical depression
>been living with it for 8 years, only started taking medication for 2 years now
>apparently everything is ''fine'' now my psychs said
>they dropped me off meds on the pretext they're "monitoring" me and that they try bot to get ne addicted to them
>used to have suicidal thoughts and self harm
>no longer do that shit but i'm an apathetic mess
>jaded as fuck
>i see no point in living, feeling empty / dead inside
>idea of death sounds calming to me but i actually don't feel like killing myself nor get suicidal thoughts in the form of ''weeh my leif sukcs :((''
>feel more like dying would just finally let me be comfy and worry free
>imagining what it would be like if i killed myself and actually end up being reborn as another person with a better life
>fantasize about my future in great ways sometimes even though i actually have no plans for it and i see it more as a bleak one rather than anything great
>gave up on love or hoping to meet someone
>gave up on trying to make any kind of friends online or irl
>it all requires too much effort and im too tired to do anything
>every day i feel like i'm getting closer to killing myself because im tired and want to sleep and be comfy
>but sleeping or napping instead feels like a waste of time so i cut the option of doing that out, i barely sleep at night
>i get back on track and no longer want to kill myself because i keep hoping i'll get a better computer to play vidya on and escape reality
>or tell myself that if i die i won't be able to see this show or play that game or something along those lines

Give me something to talk about please

>>36724301

I hear you loud and clear on all these.

Do you see an obvious source to your state?

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I'm taking a short break. Maybe a shower.

Handle things while I'm away.

>>36724343
Might be the fact i can't actually function without the meds now. But Im pretty sure the meds got me in this state in the first place. Few months after i kept taking them i was no longer feeling sad, i was just not feeling anything at all anymore.

>>36724141
Sorry if this isn't much help, since I'm obviously ignorant as to what that must be like, but is it really enough of a problem that you need to seek therapy for it? If you know you won't act on your desires, then it's no problem, unless you actually feel the need to have a relationship with an underage girl. Do you?

I'm back. What did I miss?

>>36724141
lmao don't you're getting jailed for that

>>36724477

I had missed that post, but yesh, it can be a problem, if indirectly. There may be something to find behind just that attraction.

>>36724141

Apologies for having missed your post too. (I'm extraordinarily shitty with this today.)

Have you been abused at the age at which young girls attract you?

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>>36724297
>Because my emotions seem to be more intense than the norm. Relationship ends affect me much more than they should. I'm liable to faint depending on the context. I used to do self-harm. And massive derealisation issues.
i see. im mostly always on the depressed side, flat affect and all the fun schizo shit. what type of self harm did you do? i have some experience myself: burning, cutting, needles, scratching (till the skin is peeled off) hanging until i fainted and had a hard fall. thats mostly it for me. the last time i cut was different. i thought they had buried a surveillance parasite under my skin close to my neck. havent cut since but feel the urge to do it every single day

is it true that fapping can worsen depression or other similar disorders? If so how can I stop? I seriously don't have the commitment or pure mettle to stop I fap free for three days at max then i'm back to porn

>>36724582

I don't think my own self-harm was classic Borderline in the sense that I didn't do it the reasons BPD do. It wasn't so much emotional relief as proving to myself that I had real issues, that if I could do this to myself, it must have meant that something was really wrong. I had my scars to prove this to me. More that way. I mostly cut my forearm. I'd have over 50 scars at any given time. Most have completely faded now and I can wear T-shirts again. They're still visible if you actually look, but no one ever notices.

You did a whole lot of harm to yourself, damn.

>>36724573
>it can be a problem,

I apologise, i didn't meant to state that it wasn't a problem, I meant to ask if it was that much of a problem for him. I shouldn't really post on 2 hours of sleep.

>>36724590

No fap is mostly a meme. I don't actually believe it can help much. But try if you can. Don't worry if you don't.

>>36724679

Don't worry, you were right, I just wanted to add that it may lead to other things, such as past abuse of the person, which would be a problem for him in that case.

Why so little sleep?

(This time, I'm really going to shower, back soon!)

>>36724590
I don't believe that there's any scientific evidence for it being true or not, which is why it's so hard to get a clear cut answer when researching it.

>>36724721
>Why so little sleep?

My boyfriend was off last night and since he's basically nocturnal when he's been working a lot, he was keeping me up for a while. Even aside from that I've been finding it increasingly difficult to sleep. I keep having nightmares

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>>36724673
>in the sense that I didn't do it the reasons BPD do. It wasn't so much emotional relief as proving to myself that I had real issues
i did it for three reasons as far as i can tell: emotional relief , physical stimulation(i was depressed to the point that normal stimuli felt flat, i needed something way stronger to actually feel) and self punishment for my deviations

>>36724779
What are the nightmares originally about?

>>36724866
Last one was me adrift in the ocean, and when I looked down into the water, a building sized creature was swimming up towards me. I have an intense fear of the ocean

>>36724924
Thats actually pretty terrifying. Is the ocean in all of them or are they always random?

>>36724944
Most are about the ocean, but lately I've been having ones where I'm in a place/building I know, but things aren't quite right, such as staircases and rooms being where they shouldn't. In the dream I think it's fine, but when I wake up I realise things were distorted

>>36724991
Thats just wierd. I'm curious because I haven't had nightmares since I was like 13.

>>36725028
Really? I have at least two a week, I normally don't have much trouble getting back to sleep though

>>36724738

This.

I'd imagine it depends on the person. Stopping long enough may make you asexual, though. You can restart the machine later on but you'll almost have to make an effort to get back into it. Try going two weeks without it, see what happens.

(If you can.)

>>36724779
>he was keeping me up for a while.

In a good or bad way?

>>36724779
>Even aside from that I've been finding it increasingly difficult to sleep. I keep having nightmares

Do you connect them to obvious sources? Or do you think the act of opening up stuff in your mind leads to more worried thoughts?

>>36725045
I mean they aren't nightmares anymore. No, the real nightmares are waking up from those perfect worlds my brain creates while I sleep. One was living an entire week in that perfect world.

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>>36724924

That's fucking Cthulhu.

>>36725028

I stopped having them for the longest time.

Now I have them on the nightly, but rarely remember much.

I remember trying to assassinate my father brutally.

And I remember hiding in an attic with my LO, hiding from monsters below.

I remember because I was happy to be with her again.

Then I woke up and it was the saddest moment.

>>36725104
>In a good or bad way?

What do you mean? Is there a good way of losing sleep? If you mean I was happy spending time with him then yes, but in hindsight I really needed that sleep

>>36725104
>Do you connect them to obvious sources? Or do you think the act of opening up stuff in your mind leads to more worried thoughts?

I'm not really sure what to make of them at all. I try not to think about them, because, as you said, it gets me worrying.

>>36725146
Almost gave me a heart attack

So, what do you think is the cause of my many problems?

>>36725209
>What do you mean? Is there a good way of losing sleep? If you mean I was happy spending time with him then yes, but in hindsight I really needed that sleep

Being kept up can be good or bad. If he keeps you up because you guys are getting funky together and just can't stop, that's the "good way"; if you're arguing or if he's making so much noise you can't sleep, that's not good.

As the song goes, you gotta fight... for your right... to sleeeeeeeeeep.

>>36725209
>Almost gave me a heart attack

On my dead computer, I have a whole folder for scary sea creatures. It ties in with my masters' thesis, about Moby-Dick from a theological perspective, using some badass concept from the early 20th century, called the numinous, a mix of beauty, mystery, and terror, associated with the divine.

>>36725242

Your brother. Your parents.

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>>36725104
>In a good or bad way?
maybe in a sexy way ;)

>>36725302
>If he keeps you up because you guys are getting funky together and just can't stop, that's the "good way"; if you're arguing or if he's making so much noise you can't sleep, that's not good.

In that case it was good and bad. We started off "getting funky" and then I wanted to sleep after, but as I said, he's basically nocturnal now so he stayed up and started making food and watching tv, etc. In his defense he was trying to be quiet about it, but his house has thin walls

>>36725195
Thats how I always am waking from dreams. And apparantly I passed the test by kept trying to make contact, I have an interview at 1pm tomorrow. 2 hours after my shift ends. help

>>36725344
>On my dead computer, I have a whole folder for scary sea creatures

I can't even imagine that stuff without flinching. Talk about an irrational fear, those things don't even exist and I'm scared of them

>>36725369

I see. Maybe you can use earphones with the sounds of the ocean or anything else to drown the noise so you can sleep.

It's important for you to get your sleep. Every time I had a really hard day was after too little sleep. It makes everything much worse.

>>36725426
I actually do do that sometimes with city ambience. I love the sounds of the city but don't really like the busy life there.

>>36725393

Empathy at work. You imagine being in their presence, and since you're very good at empathy, you get to feel how it would be.

Me too, but I like that thrill.

Do you read any horror?

I know many people goes trough this, but I think this is my moment.

I've been a healthy-normal-happy person all my life. But I just joined college to get closer at accomplishing my dream of being judge someday, but I just realized that I don't care too much of anything anymore.

One day I just woke up, tried to go to uni, but I just couldn't.

Now it's been a few months since I stopped going to classes, I'm going to fail all my exams and lost my subvention. Everyday I think harder that being death will be easier than waking up everyday. I don't think about killing myself, but I find the idea of stop living attractive. I totally lost any desire for living.

Don't know guys, how do you do it to just wake up everyday?

>>36724794
I know there can be a few other reasons for self-harm. It can work as a grounding technique too.
In your case though it sounds like some of this might be coming more from psychosis than from other sources.

Also, I really like your paintings.

>>36725509

Depression, friend. When you're happy, it's easy to get up. When you're depressed, it's almost impossible, and sometimes, you can't.

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

Do this, take a screenshot of the results, then this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

>>36725501
>Do you read any horror?

Not too much. As I mentioned, I read some Lovecraft, and I quite liked it, but I'm a coward so I don't really like horror that much. My bf tried to get me to watch jaws twice with him but I had to stop both times.

>>36725577

Horror is 95% of the movies we watched with my LO. It was either horror or Disney/Pixar. My LO was into kittens and live surgeries, Adventure Time and documentaries on serial killers.

I miss her.

Ethan, try this for horror movies: take a blanket with you and hide underneath it! Peer out a hole you make, you'll feel protected.

I'm sure this is going to work.

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>>36725541
thank you Lily, im glad when people enjoy my paintings. schizophrenia certainly has a significant role in it, specifically my delusions. to be honest i still feel this is all a dream and that im meant to sacrifice myself and spread the message. i just dont know if im strong enough. its a weird combination: in one hand i think im the lowest of the lowest, earth dirtiest filth. on the other hand i feel im the sleeping god's chosen despite it. im sorry if you have already given your background in this thread but may i ask what sort of problems do you face?

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>>36725572
I'll do these, currently bored. First one here

>>36725728
DID, mainly.

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>>36725572
Op here.
Looks like I'm really bad.

>>36725661
>take a blanket with you and hide underneath it! Peer out a hole you make, you'll feel protected.

I tried doing this with Jay (my bf, I can't be bothered to write "my bf" anymore, may as well just use his name) while watching jaws, and it was going well, until that scene where the policemen (I forget his name), was throwing chum off the back of the boat and the shark comes up. I ran out of the room. To be fair though, it was to do with the ocean so it was probably worse for me. A normal horror film might not so be bad

What can a psychologist do to help me from depression and anxiety? Dont they just listen to your problems and tell you to do this, do that so you can maybe not sad anymore?

Evening, everyone. Went in to work, first day in my new job. Despite attempts to sabotage me I made it in. I'm pretty sure they can already tell I'm not a normie but that's life eh?

>>36725804

Yep, pretty bad.

That means what you feel now is not normal, and not how life is meant to be lived. Find some solace in that.

Can you see a therapist?

>>36725794
interesting i have a hard time imagining how it is to live on your head. how does it affect your daily life?

>>36725862
Congrats on the job!

>>36725816

Great minds...

What's the worst horror movie you've seen? Worst, as in, terrifying.

>>36725862
>Despite attempts to sabotage me

What? Who's trying to sabotage you? Why would they do that?

>>36725847

One thing they can do is find out who in your environment has issues, because, often, it isn't the person they're seeing who's the real problem.

They can give you a perspective you don't have, an external look on things, and make you realise, for instance, that your parents are toxic motherfuckers and you never noticed; as weird as it sounds, this happens.

It's more than just listening, it's figuring things out. Your depression and anxiety don't come out of a magic hat.

There are reasons for them, and we can find them together.

>>36725862

I'm glad it worked out. I wonder what kind of job it is.

>>36725941
>What? Who's trying to sabotage you? Why would they do that?

The others...

>>36725957
I've barely watched any but I remember watching jeepers creepers a few years ago and that genuinely scared me

>>36725917
Thanks man, I do feel better to think I'll be in the world a little bit more again.

>>36725941
DID stuff. Yesterday 'they' got drunk and had a bit of a paddy with Nick, and another started cutting again (it's been five or more years). The cuts were entirely superficial which suggests that it was:
>To make a point about power/ ownership
>Intended to be visible so as to cause difficulties for me on my first day (anxiety, difficult questions etc)

>>36725986
Oh of course, how stupid of me. I have to sleep tonight

>>36725957
Man, youre actually giving me hope that I can get rid of these mental problems, havent felt this way in a long time

>>36726045
>DID stuff.

I'm very sorry you experience this, I can't imagine what it's like

>>36725879
Not too much currently. Like, the symptoms and traits are there, but I can usually work around them.
Therapy has been really helpful.

>>36726026

I've never seen that one.

>>36726058

Stop that! It could have been a whole host of other people: his family, his enemies, anything at all, and I was certainly not suggesting you should have known. Don't call yourself names for things that you couldn't know or guess. It makes me feel bad!

You certainly should sleep tonight.

>>36726082
Thanks, but it's alright-ish. On Nick's advice I'm going to see a specialist on Thursday. I'm skeptical but it would be great to get my issues under control and have my life back.

>>36725878
I guess that I can, if it doesn't costs too much.

>>36726060

See? It's already working and we aren't even warming up yet!

I have a bunch of tests you can do, they help knowing what questions to ask yourself, and quantify results.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

After that, we can try to figure out the source. I can help with this.

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>>36726120
great. therapy with my current doc hasnt helped a lot, i feel stuck. but the medications have helped a bunch

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>>36726156
>On Nick's advice

>>36726138
>I've never seen that one.

Really? I assumed it was one of the "classics". I wouldn't know though. You'd probably like it since I didn't.

>Don't call yourself names for things that you couldn't know or guess. It makes me feel bad!

I'm sorry but I definitely could have guessed that myself.

>You certainly should sleep tonight.

I will. As much as I love him I'm glad Jay's at work tonight.

>On Nick's advice I'm going to see a specialist on Thursday. I'm skeptical but it would be great to get my issues under control and have my life back.

Excellent! I'm happy to hear that

>>36726201
It's helped more than medications ever did for me, though admittedly the medications weren't really targeting my actual issues. I've been off them for over a year now.

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>>36726257
thats fantastic man. is DID the correct name for Multiple personality disorder? if so, can you talk to me about your personalities?

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>>36726172
I think my anxiety has gone down.

>>36726239
>Really? I assumed it was one of the "classics". I wouldn't know though. You'd probably like it since I didn't.

It is. I heard of it often. Thing is, horror is a finished genre for me. I will never watch a horror movie ever again.

>I'm sorry but I definitely could have guessed that myself.

No, you couldn't have. It's weird enough as it is.

>>36726330

Yes, but you're still massively depressed, my friend.

It's almost as if you don't realise just how depressed you are.

>>36726340
>I will never watch a horror movie ever again.

I understand. I'm sorry

>No, you couldn't have. It's weird enough as it is.

I almost argued against this but I think it's best to agree to disagree. Don't want a repeat of me talking absolute rubbish for ages while you correct me

>>36726357
I don't really feel it though.

>>36726172
I got 37 anxiety, 27 anxiety and 13 stress ratings at the second test linked, didnt expect getting such a high score in depression :/

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How am I doing boys?

>>36726432
Meant 37 depression

>>36726385
>I understand. I'm sorry

It's fine. I probably will, because I like horror movies.

>I almost argued against this but I think it's best to agree to disagree. Don't want a repeat of me talking absolute rubbish for ages while you correct me

Kek be praised. But as a conclusion: absolutely no one, ever, can be expected to conclude that the other personalities in someone with DID will sabotage him. Nobody can be expected to figure this out. I knew because THEY told me they were going to try to sabotage him, and I spoke against them. Otherwise I would have asked the same exact question you asked.

I wouldn't have thought of myself as stupid for asking such a question, so if you insist, you'll have to consider me whatever you consider yourself. Checkmate, buddy!

I cant socialize in college, my colleagues dont talk to me since i cant make ay conversation, im very boring, its depressing me, fucking anxiety reeee ;(((

>>36726386

That may be the point. Disconnected Eh.

>>36726432

First valuable lesson today: your state is much worse than you thought. 37 is fucking high. Mine is at like 42, and I know how badly I'm doing.

Focus on this: your normal state is MUCH HAPPIER.

Describe some symptoms you have.

So he responded but each time he messages back its taking longer and longer.

And I'm responding back straight away.

Am I trying too hard?

>>36726483
can you give me the link?
btw you need help man, stay strong, i know it means nothing and i sound like a normie but its all i can say

>>36726483

Pretty damn depressed, my friend.

>>36726506

Just ASK QUESTIONS. And listen. And ask more. It'll come to you easily.

>>36726483
And I just got into a car accident today because i waa driving like a mad man. my car fucked and undrivable now so yeah.
things is good.

>>36726501
>I wouldn't have thought of myself as stupid for asking such a question, so if you insist, you'll have to consider me whatever you consider yourself. Checkmate, buddy!

Ok you actually got me there, that was quite good. I almost wrote about how I still think I'm wrong though, I gotta stop

>>36726529

Maybe he's busy. Don't respond right away, give it some time, like he does.

>>36726506
I felt the same bro, until i decided to put up a fake mask and try to force myself to laugh at their jokes, that way they feel interesting around you and would want to be near you. Everyone needs to feel validated, laughing with someone is the best way tomdo that.

>>36726562

Woah, take it easy, Fig!

>>36726564

I have years of experience arguing with the lacking in confidence. I'm like a certified lawyer in not enabling you to be mean to yourself.

>>36726571
whoops i responded right back again

im trying to act as normal as possible in sending emojis - is the heart eyes emoji too much?

>>36726610

Depends what tone you mean to convey. When I'm dead serious, I never use emotes (I call them emotes, or emoticons, because I am OLD).

>>36726635
>I'm so fucked up I don't think I have the verbal intelligence to even begin to accurately convey it.

You're doing fine. Just spit it out and don't worry so much.

>>36726529
>>36726610
Possibly. Also he may be busy. Just let it take its time.

>>36726526
>>36726172
I took the other one.

Depression:74
Manic episodes:63
Bipolar disorder:81
PTSD:52
Generalized anxiety disorder:61

These were the most notable. What does this mean?

>>36726526
I never feel motivated because I feel that everything I do is a dissapointment to someone else. I see everyone as mean people that talk about me behind my back or they think Im the most obnoxious person ever, even if i use the "strategy" of thinking that everyone likes you when you enter the room. At night the feeling of doom comes when I cant find a happy place, just that I will die alone, either killing myself soon or by an accident because I will do one of my stupid mistakes while behind a wheel

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OH shit i knew im depressed and anxious but not this high level, its even scary to see how relatable to the test questions i am

>>36726677
he was talking about food when i used the heart eyes

>>36726698
i'm needy and crave attention but youre right though

Hey everyone again.

I got a little carried away with beer.

Nick, you still feel bad?

>>36726701

Very high bipolar.

I'd look into this one very seriously, my friend.

I didn't expect that.

>>36726747
I know how you fell there. But you don't want someone irritated with you

>>36726783
Why didn't you expect it. By the way, it was bipolar disorder II. I don't know if this matters.

>>36726706

Were your parents very critical of you without being quite fair and never praising you for your deeds?

Did they fail to make you feel loved for who you were and not just what you did?

Do you think they know who you are on the inside?

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>>36726730

That's crazy fucking high. Here are my results for comparison.

Damn, brother, you need to seek help very, very soon!

>>36726305
It's still somewhat unsettling thinking about them, but part of what we do in therapy is working at practicing internal communication and cooperation, so I'm starting to get used to them. It can still be stressful when they do things on their own or I loose time, but that's been happening less and less since I started therapy.

>>36726768
>Nick, you still feel bad?

Yes. Head hurts a little. Heart is dead. Hope is lost. Soul is shattered.

How are you my drunk friend?

>>36726806
>it was bipolar disorder II. I don't know if this matters.

That's the one where... you get mania? I always forget the difference. One doesn't get mania, but which...

>>36726862
>Yes. Head hurts a little. Heart is dead. Hope is lost. Soul is shattered.
Ah, fuck. Your LO did this? Man ... I don't know what to tell you. I'd say some shit like it's sometimes not so bad like it seems to be, but that's what I would call "normie platitudes" myself.

Also I'm not drunk, I only had three pints of beer and some schnaps.

>>36726603
>. I'm like a certified lawyer in not enabling you to be mean to yourself

You're definitely good at it. Just to let you know, I'm so sorry, but I just saw you emailed me. I can't believe I said you can email me whenever and I'd see just to miss one by an hour. I hope you haven't lost trust in me.

>>36726796
>fell
>feel
Shit. I can't into english today
>>36726818
Thia spoke to me
>Do you think they know who you are on the inside?
Shit only one person knew who I was inside

>>36726903
>Your LO did this?

No. Reading her few words today helped a little. It's just all too sad.

>>36726915

No biggie. I could have told you here if I was in any emergency. My responsibility, not yours, don't worry!

>>36726929
>It's just all too sad.
At the risk of sounding ignorant, what is?

>>36726878
I don't know. I'm pretty sure that one's hypomania.

>>36726818
My dad would sometimes snap at my mistakes when I was younger, which I think made it harder for me to try things and fail so I can learn. I remember one time when i had to order some food at a fast food for me and my parents and I accidentally ordered something else compared to what we usually ate. Instead of telling the cashier to change the food because I fucked up, I told her I wanted to buy another type of food so I wouldnt be an incovenience to her. When my dad saw that he tore me a new one, told me im a redneck ( the equivalent of it in our country, someone from a village without any form of education) and that I will become a garbage man if Im lucky. Thats just one instance when he used those insults for some small thing I did. He used to tell me to be quiet around other people because there might be the small chance that they might be annoyed if I would talk or run like a normal kid, just like other peoples opinions mattered more than me being a happy kid enjoying life.

>>36726967

Everything. 7 years together, big plans, big dreams, big hopes: marriage, children, medical studies for her, doing everything together, etc, etc, and then major betrayal and everything comes crashing down and everyone's in hell now.

Driving her to the airport, parting there, knowing it may very well be the last time, I don't even know how I made it. Whenever I think about it I rage in tears.

>>36726949
This time you can't convince me it wasn't my responsibility, I even said I'd look out for emails from you. Was it important? Do you still need to talk? I really feel like I need to make it up

>>36727011
without sounding pricky, youre the bigger person here and your actions are completely respectable.

you couldve gone off at her, but the fact that you kept it together in front of her is good for you in the long run

at least on here you can vent and share your experience with others that might have similar troubles

>>36727008

Done deal: your father is a piece of shit narc.

No doubt about it. Narcissistic abuse leads to depression and worse. It's a form of abuse that has heavier consequences than sexual abuse in many cases, and it's worse in some ways because it is insidious and you won't link your state to this easily.

But you must, because it's the truth.

You're now my brother.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

Not everything will apply, some narcs are covert narcs, and they're the absolute worst of all.

Guys, I tried the mic on vocaroo, it works.

>>36727042

You need to stop worrying so much! It's contagious! I just wanted to say hello for zero reason except saying hello, since we were both in the thread.

Relax, my friend, relax!

>>36727106
Well let's hear it then. Am curious

>>36726840
This is very similar to my own experience, except that therapy hasn't been helping so I'm uppng it. The DID stuff has actually been worse than it's been in years over the past month or so. Additional stress, I think. That and drinking again.

It's interesting that they have you doing just the same things about internal communication and cooperation. It must be standard practice. Feel free not to answer this, but it's my belief that DID such as ours tends to result from sexual abuse as well as other neglect. Does that apply to you? Again, if you're not comfortable answering then that's fair enough.

>>36727141

I have mic phobia! Give me a line or something.

>>36727144

I might just read Facet's posts... To get used to it.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1L89VCtWgml

Ended up not doing a reading of Facet's post.

It doesn't sound like my voice much, I think.

>>36727222

I guess Kek loves it. Kek be praised.

>>36727086
Now he calmed down a little, because the last time he insulted me hard I had one of those rare good days, maybe you know the type of day, felt confident, tall, impenetrable and as soon as he dropped the insults I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that the next time he insults me he wont be able to finish the sentence, with my mom next to us. Ive seen him kinda break inside, as he couldnt control me anymore, he had a surprised look on his face. The thing is that the bad has been done, I dont know how to regain my confidence in myself. Ive analysed myself hard over the past years and I dont know how to repair the damage. Thats why Im here to talk to someone, maybe it can help.

>>36727165
Your parents are narcs!!
Idk just read some of your responses to people when posting

>>36727222
What is it? Might listen but not sure what to expect (I'm not alone atm)

>>36727257

Jut me saying, "OK, let's see if this works" or something.

>>36727232
You weren't lying, good late night radio voice

>>36727233

I'm going to try to respond to you by voice, but this is super fucking hard for me to do... Despite the fact that I speak to entire classrooms on a daily basis, this is new to me. Indulge me!

>>36727297

Thank you. A few more comments and I'll try some real responses...

>>36727011
I don't know man. I'm gonna be straight here, obviously risking that I sound like a fucking asshole.

Why did this happen?

>>36727222
Wow, I absolutely love your voice!

sorry for saying, but you were right about your voice having an effect on homosexuals

>>36727222
Sounds quite proper. You enunciate well.

>>36727311
Type it out first, then just read it like a script Nick.
>>36727323
You're welcome

>>36727233

Oh God...

This is way more difficult than typing, I find.

http://vocaroo.com/delete/s01Vf8pNcXLX/75e1d6c6cdadcfa2

Way more raw and uncertain for now, I'll need practice.

Top kek, my voice is very shaky. I normally speak at a much louder volume in the classroom. This is almost intimate by comparison.

I should do ASMR shit.

I want to point out to you that if you reply only via audio you won't have a record of what's said. As such I suggest you type out the 'script' for each response as >>36727373 suggested and post that along with the voice clip.

>>36727326

Because I betrayed her.

>>36727334

I know... Always flattering though!

>>36727367

Thank you. Accent is generally North American but may vary.

>>36727373
>Type it out first, then just read it like a script Nick.

Actually a great idea.

>>36727452
>you won't have a record of what's said.

Doesn't vocaroo keep links permanently? Thing is, typing, or speaking, you won't get the same answer at all.

>>36727385
Thanks man, it really feels nice being validated, your voice is fine bro, its soothing and its a more personal response, it really helped.

>>36727144
It's standard practice. They generally do treatment for DID in three stages. The first one is just stabilization and reducing harmful behaviors, the second is dealing more with the cause of the disorder and the final stage is integration/improving quality of life. There's some debate on whether trying for integrating all the alters is what should be tried for, or if it's better to just get it so they can seamlessly function together.

And sexual abuse of some sort tends to be the "textbook"example when discussing causes of DID, although I imagine other forms of abuse could certainly contribute to it.

Ask me some questions, that'll make it easier for me to speak. It's training for later. I need to get used to doing this.

>>36727499
>your voice is fine bro, its soothing and its a more personal response, it really helped.

I'm glad. That's why I wanted to use it. It'll be better when I'm used to doing this.

Just micro shy for now. That'd amaze my students... None of them imagines I'm shy at all. Can't blame them.

>>36727440
I wish I had a voice similar to yours. I sound like a child when I speak.

What's the max length of vocaroo?

>>36727475
So you are aware that you did something wrong. You know that there are two possible endings here, either she forgives you and you get back together or she doesn't. Either way, if you really understand that you fucked up, like you do, then why beat yourself up further? You must have done that enough already. You should obviously always know that you made this mistake, but you should still try to prepare for the future, whichever it is. Dwelling on it, well, as a guy who has HUGE experience with dwelling on things that happened and can not be changed, I can tell you it accomplishes diddly fucking shit.

>>36727491
I'm fairly certain that they're only stored temporarily. Not to mention, making reference to previous threads would be far more cumbersome - particularly regarding finding quotes etc.

>>36727511
Does the idea of integration scare you? It feels like there's such a long way to go before I'm through the stages you describe.

>>36727649
20mb

>>36727649
Be warned though: the time it takes to upload becomes ridiculous the longer it is.

>>36727664

All good advice. But I follow my heart, wherever it takes me, and it's usually towards destruction and sadness. I need to be in line with how I feel.

>>36727683
>>36727724

Duly noted.

Ask me some questions guys! Just to deflower my microphone.

>>36727731
If I followed my heart I would have killed myself about 50 fucking times or so by this point by various means.

I can't say that I really abide by what I'm going to say (because it's difficult as fuck), but I'd like to be in control of my emotions (heart) as much as I can. Isn't that something to strive for? Also sorry for the long response times, my fucking wifi is giving me shit.

You guys ain't asking me questions. I need practice, gogogogo!

Ask me dumb things, it's just for practice. My favourite colour, if I like ice-cream, etc.

>>36727759
Why do you constantly beat your mind up over something you can no longer change?

>>36727683

It does. I'm still a long way from that too, but I as bad as it sounds I can't imagine my mind working any other way. I talked to one of my friends about how they "think" and how their thoughts normally work, and it sounded so different I couldn't even imagine it.

>>36727824
Whats your favourite book and describe what you liked so much about it

>>36727824
Sorry I can't ask nice questions. Uhhh. What do you think of us Nick? who do you think has lied to you the most in these threads?

I want to know what your favourite video game is, what your favourite horror film is, and what your favourite of Shakespeare's works is.

>>36727853
What did they say? Curious to see if I feel similarly.

Also how do you feel about your biological gender? How about your sexuality? Is there variation 'among' you? Are they all human, or something else?

>>36727835

http://vocaroo.com/delete/s0t4MOSNXIyB/2dd12db7d9b0da19

Getting easier.

>>36727824
What's your favourite band/musician

>>36727900
Like, they said they didn't have any of the "background noise" like I usually have. It's just that what they described sounded so quiet that'd be be lonely and unnerving.

And all human, but more female than male, even though biologically I'm male.

>>36727975
Forgot my trip, I've been posting in some other threads.

>>36727873
>>36727873

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0KrFVirvUyY

>>36727886

http://vocaroo.com/i/s08HgAuPpk49

>>36727900

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1MIhRosv6xz

>>36727824
Do you feel life would still be beautiful/worth experiencing without all the negative stuff surrounding it, and without obstacles?

>>36727913
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gCy3rIAAz8

>>36727902
> I still care
Fuck, right in my feels. Even though its been almost a full 6 months, I'm still not even close to over her. Despite everything, I have to keep myself as far away from her as I can or else I'd buckle and never be able to live with myself.
>>36728056
Good answer. I can't remember when I first came to these threads, going to assume that was well before me.

>>36728175

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0AUW5l4D8Ng

>>36728306

So far, this is the most elaborate answer I've given.

Practice works like a charm. I don't feel all that shy anymore. Wew, lads.

How long can this thing record? What happens when I reac the max?

>>36728211
Understandable. I wouldn't be able to give a favourite either I think, unless I gave a favourite from each genre or something like that

>>36728342
I'd assume it stops recording on you

>>36728306
>You dont need to eat shit to enjoy good food

Thats so much deeper than it souns man

>>36728451

Literally thought of it was I was recording. I think it's a good comeback to people who say you need the bad to appreciate the good.

Pretty cool stuff. Thanks!

>>36728342
How long can my recorded message be?

There is no fixed limit on message length, however be aware that even brief internet connection outages can cause recording to be stopped or to fail, and with longer recordings the chance of this increases.

Right from the FAQ.

>>36728477

Thanks!

More questions, guys? Practicing helps me break the ice. It's good. I'll be able to give good answers by voice from now on.

Have I bored everyone out of their minds yet? Or are you all listening and getting hypnotised?

>>36728739
Im still listening. Your voice is actually relaxing.

>>36728635
You are doing great now man, your voice isnt trembling anymore, but if you still take questions: whats the most rewarding thing you get from teaching others? Ive seen you teach students so I dont know you as well as others

First time posting, I used to think these threads were attention whoring but lamo I guess I need some attention.

I actually got ghosted by my suicide hotline therapist, which hurt more than I thought it would. Maybe it was because I said my case wasn't that urgent.

Started drinking the week after which helps me sleep at night. The liquor store cashier actually looked at me with concern in her eyes asking if I was gonna drink all that by myself and I just smiled and told her I'm not that bad yet. It actually felt good hearing someone care.

My internship is going terribly. I think they''re starting to notice how autistic I am. I'm pretty sure I can count the average amount of sentences I say on a day on one hand.

Seems like i'm on my way to becoming a neet robot.

>>36728635
Any advice here Nick?

>>36728780

Check that private message ;)

Just having a bit of bolognese desu. Do you like Indian/ Pakistani food?

>>36728781
>whats the most rewarding thing you get from teaching others? Ive seen you teach students so I dont know you as well as others

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1oGa7fy73WP

>>36728785

Going to record an answer to this. Bear with me.

>>36728790
Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to say it rather than type it. I'll try as hard as I can to take your words into consideration and change myself.

>>36728739
I'm trying to write the question I've wanted to ask for a few threads now. But there's a huge disconnect between brain and words I want to type.

>>36728785
>>36728785

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0zA9mjjStOk

Bit messy for an answer, but at least it's a human voice from someone who cares.

>>36728974
You can do it. It's difficult because it's important. But it is important.

>>36728804
>>36728804

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0KJG8UYQRZ8

Gotta ask more questions!

Looking forward to the new House of Cards?

>>36729164

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gKritJVVvc

>>36729002
Another question added onto
>>36728872
while I try and word mine:
How do you handle students in a class where most are simply there, but have one or two students absorbing and loving the material and well beyond the rest of the class? Asking because during school I would sit and read the entire history books. I'd then bring my own books to read the rest of the year and teachers would ignore me.

Very low activity tonight.

So, opinions on the vocal stuff?

Does it add something? Do you prefer text?

I can understand that not everyone will want a vocal response, since it's more human than mere text. In future, I'll probably ask people to choose which they prefer.

>>36729266
Seems fine to me, unless vocaroo simply loses a response. Audios've gotten lost before, according to their faq.
And still trying to put feeings to words

Personally, I prefer text. On occasion I can see the value of a human voice for a personal answer but I prefer reading while I do other things - things that typically involve sound.