Psychological Issues #49

>>36697612
hi, nick. doing alright?

>>36697795

Better than yesterday. It varies a lot depending on what happens. Had work and therapy, so I'm OK now.

>>36697825
That's good. Ive been applying for jobs all day, I think it will be good to try to have some sort of social interaction and responsibility again

>>36697982

Excellent! What kinds of jobs?

>>36698155
washing dishes/bussing tables for local restaurants.
it's easy and not as stressful as other jobs.

>>36698171

Speaking of work, I have a test to write. I'm still here though.

>>36697825
Glad to hear Nick. I'm losing hope on the job search. Lunch isn't usually 3 hours long right?

>>36698306

Depends how hungry people are.

I have no real problems...
Just bored of my existance.

>>36698306
How can you survive without a job?

Hey everyone!

I'd like to ask a question about alcohol. Whenever I drink, I get terrible mental state, but only if I drink a moderate amount. If I drink 3 - 6 beers and then stop drinking, I feel terrible, angry, sick and depressed. But if I drink more, everything is dandy and I'm drunk how I should be. Is this the way my body is telling me to drink less or to drink more? It really only happens if I drink an amount that most people consider normal.

>>36698478

That's a problem already and could be depression rather than mere boredom.

Take a test.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

Even if you think you're fine, I still want to see your results. Thank you.

I'm stuck in a hole in my life. I've pushed away all my friends and my gf is the only person I see everyday. I work a low pay low hours job that I can't break away from because no one else will hire me. The fact I'm vehemently antisocial also doesn't help since I can't do customer service centered jobs. I stay broke because I need meds for my asthma, need work done on my teeth(genetically soft teeth so I got a lot of cavities as a kid that caused problems over time so I have a could broken teeth), and my dog. I live with my gf and she's the breadwinner, I don't mind but it sucks I can't do as much for her as she does for me. I wanna see a psychologist to see if I have a personality disorder since I feel I may, but I can't afford it. So I'm stuck, my life sucks but not toooooo bad. I just wish I could change.

>>36698527

He lives on a farm and makes his own food.

>>36698652

Hello Dan. A little bit of alcohol frees your mind, and more soothes it down. Since you're an angry man, first you get angry, then you get tranquilised.

>>36698675

Do this test:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

Share stories from you childhood with your parents. Anything that made you feel bad. Others give their reaction to it.

>>36698527
I work, but looking to get out of my pre-high school job. Also this
>>36698696

>>36698378
Said I'd get a call back after lunch, this was a little over 3 hours ago now. Starting to think I won't get a call back.

>>36698809
>Said I'd get a call back after lunch, this was a little over 3 hours ago now. Starting to think I won't get a call back.

Then you call. "You said you'd call after lunch, so since I'm not hearing from you, I'm calling you to see."

>>36698696
>Hello Dan. A little bit of alcohol frees your mind, and more soothes it down. Since you're an angry man, first you get angry, then you get tranquilised.
That does make sense, but it's more than the usual angry phase, which usually comes later in the drinking process. This happens much sooner, I start feeling cold no matter what I'm wearing, my head hurts, I get shortness of breath and I my mind seems like it's trying to rip me apart with pretty much everything that I hate about myself or anything for that matter.

Point is, this didn't use to happen before when I was drinking. It's very strange to explain. Of course it's easy to dodge by "tranquilising" myself by drinking a lot quickly, but in some occasions this isn't really an option (I assume my boss would frown upon me drinking 8 pints of beer in 3 hours at a bussiness dinner) and it's expected of me to drink a "moderate" amount.

>>36698828
I called at 11:30, the boss said he'll call me back. I'm probably gonna give him one more hour before I call

>>36698715
Well I don't usually trust tests less than 100+ questions all it said was I have severe symptoms of major depressive disorder, didn't even have the major personality disorders listed.

>>36699049

Post a screenshot.

You don't need 100 questions for valid tests. Therapists rarely use tests with that many questions. Consider: "Do you hear voices no one else hears?" doesn't to be asked in 50 different forms.

>didn't even have the major personality disorders listed.

Where?

>>36698652
Drinking affects everybody in a slightly different way, depending on your personality and who you are. I drink for a slightly altered state of mind, and it also helps in being more social.

hey
are you depressed if you feel sad often?

>>36699378

That would depend. What makes you feel sad?

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

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473KB, 1360x1720px

>>36699164
Disorders like APD, ASPD, etc weren't even in the end results.

Hey Nick, what's up?

>>36699522
>Disorders like APD, ASPD, etc weren't even in the end results.

Indeed not, because that isn't the point of that test. It remains one of the best tests I have in my collection. I start general and narrow it down later.

OK, so there's depression there.

http://www.pdchat.co.uk/psychtests/aspd/asocial.php

This and all the ones on the side if you want more.

>>36699584

Recovered from last night's low. You?

>>36699633
I'm glad to hear that. I've realized I only feel things, because it's what is appropriate in the situation. In fact, I don't think that I feel any true emotion at all.

>>36699685
>In fact, I don't think that I feel any true emotion at all.

I believe that too. Proto-emotions at best, perhaps.

Some anon, the other day, was saying that since he started therapy, he's getting feels, and that it's like a roller coaster for him.

Maybe you can feel things with therapy. I would hope so.

>>36699744
I doubt it. I can turn them on and off like a faucet. The other anon was probably the same, but he tricked himself into believing the meme. Whenever I truly feel like I have feelings, I think that I'm just tricking myself. Then I don't feel anymore.

>>36699621
Didn't have any of them even though I got 65 for avoidant and 70 for dependent.

Hello everybody.

Are you feeling better today Nick?

This isn't a properly legit sub-domain or anything you nerds say. Those who know who I am will know. The Dorothy is a reference to Blue Velvet. We avoid our actual names. So um, yeah. Dorothy will do.

Jeez it's a rly shitty situation tonight. It's really rly rubbish. Sheesh that feels so lame to say. God. It's just a real damp squib yeah? Eesh.

>>36700097
Hey Ethan, how are you today?

>>36700079

Those tests are almost impossible to get diagnosed with a condition, but 70% is high.

>>36700097

I am, because of work and therapy. Psychiatrist chimed in and we talked about things and he prescribed me some plants. I don't even know how I'm supposed to acquire said plants with insurance. If the cashier at the pharmacy is surprised by my lack of knowledge, I will literally explain that I was raised in a cult and that I'm learning normal civilisation nowadays.

How are you?

Hi Nick... Today, I am not here because of my psychological problems (not in mood to talk about it desu), but I am coming here with a need of helping hand... It's kinda complex so I will elaborate in greentext, because I find it a lot easier to explain...

>be my friend
>my ex boyfriend still loves me
>his cousin loves him
>she has some friends, who are capable of making my life hell
>she is jealous of me and she really wants to destroy my life
>she even sent her friends to beat me one time
>literally wants to kill me and is not afraid of doing horrible shit
>she gave my number to some random guy on bus while flirting with him and pretending to be me
>I am scared to even go to school

What should she do?

>>36700129

Facet? Dorothy. I forget which one she is.

Let's have some fun, post your favourite Zombina and the Skeletones song!

>>36700166
Very good. I'm glad to hear it, how often do you have therapy?

>>36700158
>>36700166
Very well myself, first day in quite a long while I had nearly no worries, and could spend the whole day with my boyfriend. The only thing on my mind was going to this coworker's dinner, which I'm still anxious about, and a few other things, but most is well

>>36700189

>be my friend

That confused me to no end.

Warn her officially once then call the police.

>>36700268
>Very good. I'm glad to hear it, how often do you have therapy?

Twice a week. Usually one hour on Monday evening, and an hour and a half on Wednesday. I get more during the holidays because I can go any time.

Open question while thread is still slow:
What gives you guys genuine joy?

Ey, and you know what Nick, fuck him right? And you being all 'You know what he can do to you right?: Rapey as fuck, what's the matter with you man? He can't do fucking anything. Don't threaten me. FFS what's the matter with you?

>>36700204
Kek you know exactly who I am cos there's only one of me :))
I'm gonna put sth else on other than 'Nobody Likes You When Ur Dead' just cos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AP947UG2rk

>>36700268
That sounds nice. It's nice to hear that you are feeling better.

>>36700286
Wow, that seems like a lot since I've only gone three times now, which reminds me, I have one tomorrow too. By the way, I talked to the coworker about going somewhere else with him, but he insisted, and said he's having other friends over as well, which makes feel a lot better about it. At least it won't be the two of us alone

Scheduled appointment with therapist. Told parents about possible depression. It didn't actually go bad at all. My mother thinks I'm also going to need a change of scenery(which isn't incorrect, really)

>>36700327

https://youtu.be/TWv3DfoiigM?t=1h28m32s

4 years ago, my Loved One would play Skyrim at night, while I went to bed, in the same room. I loved it so much. Especially this song.

I had to sleep because I worked the following day. She'd join me in bed later on. It was a small bed, there was no room, we were packed like sardines. These were the good old days.

Now I have a double bed all to myself and I fucking hate it.

>>36700327
Spending time with my bf, trying to learn as much as I can, and not much else

>>36700327
Drinking with good friends. Don't have the opportunity to do that very often though.

Drinking alone is alright too, but it's not the same.

>>36700387
Find out who the others are and ask them yourself. Can't ever be too paranoid. Especially when you were right

>>36700345
>Ey, and you know what Nick, fuck him right? And you being all 'You know what he can do to you right?: Rapey as fuck, what's the matter with you man? He can't do fucking anything. Don't threaten me. FFS what's the matter with you?

Are you scared of your master? You should learn some respect.

(Dorothy is referring to an email I sent "her". Dorothy is Facet, he has shifted and now "Dorothy" is going to be petulant all evening with us, it'll be fun.)

Post more music, Dorothy. Take us to Oz.

>>36700371
Thanks a lot, how are you doing?

>>36700429
I'll try to get more out of him about it. I'm trying to think in a less paranoid way about things, but if it can help then so be it

>>36700433
You can be a real fucker, you know? JEsus what the fuck? I'm genna get super fucked up on rum right now, what you gonns do? Uh, nothing! Maybe you should be nicer huh? I'll even tell you what his job, bet you'd ,like that?

>>36700387

He's inviting other friends, people you don't know? Did he think of adding you to a dinner that was already planned, or did he decide to invite people you didn't know to a dinner for you?

And yeah, I asked for a lot of therapy. I'd go 3 times a week if I could, but it becomes expensive at this rate.

>>36700327
Walking by myself and listening to music on a warm, sunny day. Playing video games. Everything else is fake happiness. I don't actually feel joy to a real extent. What makes you feel joy?

>>36700506
>Did he think of adding you to a dinner that was already planned, or did he decide to invite people you didn't know to a dinner for you?

I'm not entirely sure. He didn't mention them at first, so I think he's only inviting them now

>>36700278
Well... Maybe I should say, that both: ex-boyfriend and his cousin are gypsies... And their family is kinda big in the city my friend lives in... So I don't know if police is the best idea... Friends of the cousin could do something to her or idk...

>>36700395
I'm sorry
>>36700426
Learning what?
>>36700427
Never been one to drink. I mean occasionally moonshine in the garage when processing an animal to keep the organs warm, but I've never drank more than a few sips. I've never even had a buzz going.
>>36700469
I've never regretted listening to my paranoid voice in my head. Its saved me money before

>>36700443
Well, I've realized I don't feel as much as I thought, and I've been lying to myself. The funny thing is, I actually don't care. Most of the time I don't care about anything. I've also been tempted to hurt others, but that's not all that bad. I'd say it's been pretty good.

>>36700392

Excellent!

>>36700501
>You can be a real fucker, you know?

And you're a lil' biatch! But you know that. Don't drink too much. Don't tell me anything he wouldn't want us to know.

>>36700540

If you're in touch with the other coworkers, ask them their opinion on this guy. Better yet, ask the guy if you can bring someone as well (could you?).

>>36700810
Why are you being so mean to me? Fuck you man I'm not feeling good I'd fuck you up for a start

>>36700758
Moonshine? Sounds like some good shit. I would tell you to drink more but that's probably a bad idea. A lot of people get into a loop where they need alcohol to feel better. It would be a pain if I became an alcoholic, that shit costs too much money.

>>36700523
That's a good question. Games only make me feel satisfied on occasion, but not actually happy. I haven't really felt genuine happiness in a long time. My soul's been crushed kinda recently so just kinda going through the motions of everything right now.

>>36700858

You used your name, contrary to his wishes. Know what, I'm thinking you aren't Sorrel, you're the other one pretending to be Sorrel. She doesn't write full words usually. And she would clearly not attempt to threaten me.

You're not that good at disguises, wolfman.

Try to fuck me up, end up calling me Sir.

>>36700758
>Learning what?

Languages, instruments, general knowledge, whatever I can get better at

>>36700804
>I'd say it's been pretty good.

Good to hear!

>>36700852
>(could you?).

Possibly, I'd have to ask obviously, and I'm not sure who I'd bring

>>36697612
I just want to use a name in the namefield

>>36700921
I hope you make through this. I bet you'll actually end up fine. Just make sure not to give up.

>>36700928
I'd suck you off if you'd reciprocate big boy. You think you're so fuckin tough, you don't know the first thing about any of us an you knowwhat, all your showing is hoe homophobic you are. You think Fenris is the only one with a little bit of edge? Yeah that's right I named his fuckin ass.

It's me, and I'm being edgy becos I need help desu but you're just getting all defensive. No wonder huh

You started this though. So when We fuck this job up it's your fault [s/poiler]pls help us

>>36701035
>I'd suck you off if you'd reciprocate big boy.

I laughed. You're a funny one, Sorrel.

>you don't know the first thing about any of us

I do, actually. I do.

>You think you're so fuckin tough,

I am.

>all your showing is hoe homophobic you are.

I have zero problems with him being partly homosexual.

>You think Fenris is the only one with a little bit of edge?

No, I think he's the only one with that big of a fucking edge.

>Yeah that's right I named his fuckin ass.

That's not his real name, however.

>pls help us

I'm always here for you all.

We should keep this private, maybe.

>>36700932
Thats good.
>>36700910
Yeah the stuff tastes great. but I refuse to drink. I get way too easily addicted to things. Started caffiene for 6am shift, can't kick it no matter how much I try.
>>36700983
I'll probably be fine. Always like then when I get Kali-maaa'd.

>>36700956
I just text him about me bringing someone along (didn't actually have anyone in mind yet), and he said how he didn't have enough food to serve everyone, and how it's already quite packed. He seems adamant about me coming alone. I'm not sure what to think about that.

>>36701188

He already bought the food? When's that dinner?

>>36701108
Yeah, definitely understand the addiction part. I got addicted to weed while I was in uni, which is pretty stupid because weed isn't really that addictive. Not smoking now which is good, helps for a clear mind.

I'm the same way with caffeine. Refuse to drink coffee cause I know I'll get hooked and need it to survive in the mornings.

>>36701202
Thursday. If he has actually bought all the food already I don't want to eat it, all frozen. He knows better than that, after all, he lasted longer than me at the restaurant.

>>36701278
>Thursday. If he has actually bought all the food already I don't want to eat it, all frozen.

And he's a cook, so no excuse. I doubt he bought the food already. It sounds like he was lying to find an excuse. As to being packed, one more chair isn't hard to do.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Make up some excuse that you can't come because your father is in hospital and that you will visit him every evening for a week, or something.

>>36701331
I also have a bad feeling, but I'm chalking it up to paranoia. I'm really trying not to think like that anymore, and I'd love to be his friend. I'm not sure what to do. I guess I could make an excuse. I hate to lie with a passion though, but if you really have a bad feeling about this. What do you think he's going to do though? If he's inviting me to his house, then I know his name and address, so if anything happens, I can call the police easily

>>36701261
Watched smoking (not weed) ruin too much of my extended family already to ever start. Unfortunately I TRIED to kick morning caffiene, kept dozing that morning and had to break some out to make it through my shift.

>>36701461
>I can call the police easily

True, but he may think you won't. I don't know.

Go to some shop where they sell microphones, the stealth kind, and try to have someone you trust on the receiving end, so if anything happens, they can call the police right away. With that plan, you get to go have dinner and you're safe.

This guy verbally abused you for weeks, months, God knows how long, and now he's all nice.

SHIT, I'M HAVING THE ONSET OF A MIGRAINE WITH AURA.

I may not be able to type in a short time. Possibly. I'll keep you updated.

>>36701523
Go recover Nick, we'll be here when you get back.

Why can i never get motivated to do anything? All I do is procrastinate all day and constantly tell my self "Oh i'll do it later". I swear I must have ADHD or something similar

>>36701539

It seems I'll be OK. Sometimes it stops right after it begins. It'd last 40 minutes or so, if it went the whole way.

>>36701566

Maybe you're more depressed than you realise.

>>36701523
I really want to just believe he's changed. He seems so genuine.

Please go relax if you need to. We want you to be well as much as you want us to be

shit forgot namefield.

While I don't dispute that may be a contributing factor (a major one at that) This type of thinking and just general inability to concentrate or think long-term has been plaguing me since i was a kid it seriously wont go away

>>36701523
Aren't those mics expensive? I imagine they would be. Also, I don't know who did I'd get to be on the other end

>>36701628
>>36701599

also forgot to include op, ffs i'm really tired

UPDATE

Migraine with aura spreading real fucking fast. Won't be able to see within 4 minutes or so. I'll do my best.

Fuck's sake. Sorry guys.

>>36701599
>>36701668
I'm glad I didn't inherit those. Always seemed painful. Also getting chiropractor to check my back wednesday after work, so hopefully he can put everything back where it goes. Take care of yourself Nick, go relax.

>>36701622

Nothing I can do against a migraine with aura. It's trippy as fuck. I can only hope it won't hurt. I normally don't get much after them, but occasionally, I get this nonstop tense pain. Let's hope the gods of migraines will be kind.

I'm literally having a visual hallucination right now. Hundreds of flashing black and white triangles and other geometric shape, spreading in my vision. It starts with a small blur, then spread to my entire vision. It's a wave in the brain.

>>36701645

Maybe leaving your phone on could work too.

>>36701645

I wonder if the police could lend you some gear. My LO is going to become a police officer. If we were in touch, I could ask her.

She and I are Zootopia. I'm literally Nick, she's literally going to be a cop. I'm also literally a scumbag fox.

I can't tell if this uplifted mood is the drugs or not. Still having some suicidal thoughts but that was mostly brought on by my friend being sad and family being awful.
Worth mentioning to the doc?
Also what's therapy even entail?
Court case is looming and thats a rather uncomfortable noose around my neck.
Havent felt this good in years though. I don't deserve it but its nice.

I CAN'T SEE SHIT, HOLY FUCK.

>>36701645
If you cannot get someone on the other end of a mic, can you get someone to go with you? Your friend, your SO's friend, really anyone.
>>36701815
If I've learned anything in my 23 years, don't look too hard at the good times and simply enjoy them as long as they last.

>>36701857
>If you cannot get someone on the other end of a mic, can you get someone to go with you? Your friend, your SO's friend, really anyone.

He tried, the "friend" said he didn't have enough food or enough room, even though it's on Thursday. He's a cook, so that means it's either all frozen food or he's lying.

I don't feel this at all.

I don't think I've mentioned this, but I have compulsive thoughts of hurting/killing others and killing myself.

>>36701726
That's a decent idea

>>36701810
I'm not sure they'd do that on just my word unfortunately. My dads police so I could ask my mum to ask him

You're no scumbag

>>36701896

Explain that.

>auras intensifying, flashing hardcore right now

>>36701821
Hey Nick, just go lie down if your shit's fucked this bad.

>>36701938

It doesn't help. I just have to wait it out. Head is hurting a bit now, meaning there will be pain. OH LORDIE, NO! Not the head!

Still better than depressive episodes, but fuck. It's like someone shoved a discoball in my eyes and forcefed me LSD, all at once.

I'm worried about Facet, he isn't responding.

He's gonna be mad about tonight.

>>36701920
I can't, it just happens. Nobody is safe either. I think this way about everyone. I also can't control it. It's to the point where I'm almost acting upon these impulses.

>>36701987

You are a ticking time-bomb, my friend.

Vision is mostly back, head is starting to feel tense. This will last 2 days or so.

>>36701888
>>36701912
Either tell this guy something's come up and you can't attend, or be completly honest. Tell him you don't feel comfortable not knowing anyone there and would rather not go, especially because of how he's treated you for so long

>>36702047
I just hope I don't hurt anyone important.

Why do I feel like Im about to die inside? Its like I have a test in 2 hours and I didnt study anything, but Im at home just in bed being comfy, is my social anxiety evolving? Cant I escape from the feeling even in my own home? Please help

>>36702104
>I just hope I don't hurt anyone important.

Remove that final word and get - 50 on your machiavellianism level.

>>36702091
This sounds like great advice. Listen to An fucking hero, Ethan.

>>36702105

I usually have the same, about death, like I'm going to die in 40 seconds, constantly. It's down tonight.

You have anxiety, sir. That's how it feels. Do you work out?

>>36697612
Why am I always bored? Always thinking of leaving/an hero? I'm not sure if I could be considered depressed, i'm not necessarily sad. Just a bit existential I guess

>>36702156

Do this:

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

>Finn

Adventure Time. LO and I watched everything of it together. We fist bumped at the same time as Finn and Jake during the intro. It's destroying me to think about it. I don't remember the last time we did it, and we didn't know it would be the last time.

Fuck.

>>36702156
From my understanding depression doesn't necessarily mean sadness. There's probably some reason behind this.

>>36702091
Thing is I want to go, I'd love to be his friend. I've expressed how I don't feel that comfortable but he assures me it's fine. Either I take his word for it, or i don't, and I'm not sure what the right thing to do is

>>36702202
Just follow your gut, or do a pros and cons table showing the good and the bad.

>>36702149
Changed my name for consistency in future, I dont work out, but Ive done sports when I was younger and have a decent body, no fat, just slim with a little muscle, Ive had anxiety around other people since forever, I dont want it to continue when I am at home, will working out make me feel better?

>>36702202

See how much is a small mic and all. It may not be very expensive.

If I knew the guy, I could be sure. I doubt you're able to smell an asshole when he acts nice, that's my main worry.

But if you go, have a safety.

Why is my mental state such a wreck, I seriously cannot diagnose what is going on with me, I just know that I'm lazy and unmotivated, but it's not just limited to that I just simply can't remember instances in which I've displayed symptoms of mental issues fuuuuuck

>>36702239
>when I am at home, will working out make me feel better?

Yes. Work out, nice shower, feeling fresh and clean, and spent. Always nice.

>>36702275

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

Try this, my man.

>>36702275
Do you feel like nothing matters and low on energy all the time? It might be some form of depression youre having

>>36702140
Thanks
>>36702202
If he's making no move to make you feel more comfortable, ESPECIALLY after you've expressed your concerns to him, don't go; he doesn't care about you. Simply apologise to him, saying you really want to be friends with him but if he's unwilling to meet you partway then you'll have to decline his offer because you don't feel comfortable around him. Easier for me to say than many, I have 0 problems offending someone if they deserve it.

>>36702357

Ethan, would you insult someone for weeks and months? No. He did. Never forget that. So even if he's nice now, and even if he seems to make it possible to turn all this into a story with a happy ending, be careful.

I say go for the mic. I'd even contact the popo to know if they can lend you some gear.

In a way, I really want to know if he's genuine, but there's no fucking way I want you to take ANY risks.

>>36702231
Thanks for the advice. I do still have a few days to think about it at least

>>36702255
I'll be sure to be as safe as possible, thank you

>>36702357
I think he may have invited other people to make me feel more comfortable, but I'm not sure. I don't think he understands how I feel about the whole situation, which I get, because like always I'm worrying about something which barely matters again

>>36702196
Took the quiz.
>Depression: 35
>Anxiety: 25
>Stress: 27

>>36702448

Pretty high on depression. The rest as well.

>>36702397
The only reason I feel it may be real is because I can't think of what ill intention he might have. It's not like he'd invite me to his house just to beat me up or something, because he'll just simply be arrested

>>36702495

Uhm, I didn't want to say anything because it's dark. I did think date rape at first, and now that he has friends over that you don't even know, I'm thinking the same thing with some help.

That's why I'm concerned and I'd rather you go there armed with a mic and someone ready to intervene.

His "not enough food" is dodgy as FUCK. He could always buy more, you know? Same with the "packed", that's bullshit too. I don't buy it.

That dude is not sane, given his reaction to when you told them all what had happened to you.

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>>36702317

Fugg


Also another thing I've noticed is that I always seek the approval of others or I have these wild fantasies in my head of being majorly injured or had some scarring event happen to me and everyone to witness the event happen to me, what could this be described as?

>>36702592
>I have these wild fantasies in my head of being majorly injured or had some scarring event happen to me and everyone to witness the event happen to me, what could this be described as?

I had the same as a kid, oddly enough, albeit slightly differently. Maybe your parents only really cared for you if you were hurt.

>>36702575
I'm suddenly very scared of this. I don't know why but it's just now kicked in that this could be a horrible idea and that he was probably lying about that. I'm still thinking in the back of my head that this is paranoia talking but now it's taken over. I might ask my boyfriend to take a day off and come along anyway, or stay in contact with me

>>36702397
I'd like to think the best of this guy, I really would Ethan. But I know the types of people who get their kicks insulting and belittling others. I tried to jump over a lunch table after an asshole just like that in middle school. Would have assaulted the fucker, but best friend held me back, literally. Thanks J. Those people don't change.
>>36702438
>>36702495
Just because you can't understand how something can go wrong, doesn't mean someone isn't planning to hurt you.
>>36702575
This

Headache is not too bad, but it's there.

>>36702630

You're probably right, I didn't get praised all that often, not that I did anything of note but I don't recall any situations where I have been properly praised

>>36702664
That's good. Is there anything you can take for the headaches?

>>36702660
>I might ask my boyfriend to take a day off and come along anyway, or stay in contact with me

Yep. Never forget that you probably have an ingrained desire to turn assholes into good people by forcing yourself to think better of people and not trust your instincts. That's why I shared my dark thoughts.

This guy abuses you verbally nonstop for ages, then suddenly he wants you over for dinner. Not impossible, but don't go without a mic.

Remember this: you can impose your terms. Easily justified.

"Look, you've been rude to me for months, so while I appreciate your invitation, I'm still suspicious, and considering my past, you'll understand that I will only come if my boyfriend comes along; nothing personal, Bubbo, but that's either that or we all eat at a restaurant, which we probably should since you've either bought frozen food or lied to me, in both cases, restaurant, Dicko."

>>36702438
Well, good luck Ethan.

>>36702663
Thank you. I'm beginning to understand, thanks to you and nick

>>36702747
I wish I could bring myself to say something like this. I'm scared but I still have hope he's genuine, and the presence of other people there already is definitely helping put me to ease

>>36702849
Thank you very much, eh. <3

>>36702850
I'd love to think the best of people like you do but I literally cant. not anymore

>>36702957

And you shouldn't.

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faggot here with a faggot problem:

>two years ago, be 18, have first ever encounter with a boy
>rushed everything and everything didnt go so well
>got drunk and cried about it
>got over the boy with time
>be 20
>have a crush on another boy (lets call him dan)
>housemate suggests I get tinder to develop conversation skills
>the boy i have a crush on comes up
>we match
>start talking
>he invites me round
>go to his
>we talk, spoon and kiss, all going great
>topic gets to what were doing over summer
>he says he's going to another country for nearly four months soon
>i'm going to a different city so even after he comes back i wont see him
>spend the rest of the night in my head thinking about whether to go any further with him, because i know if i do he'll be all i think about for the rest of the year (i'm not the type of person to hook up)
>he gives me his snapchat and number and we talk but i feel bad knowing that nothing will ever come from it
>feel self-guilt because even as "friends" i know that i'd want more than that

i know i shouldnt be thinking about this too much but i'm getting stressed over this
i've had a crush on this boy for two years now and my first chance i get to talk with him he says hes going abroad

any advice would be greatly appreciated

>>36702965
>>he says he's going to another country for nearly four months soon

He's going away 4 months. If you guys are serious about your relationship, it's ONLY 4 months. Then you work it out together.

Go for it, see how it develops. Never waste an opportunity for love, my homo friend.

>>36702964
Why not? There's good in everyone, I'm sure of it, sometimes they just decide to act on the bad instead. Sometimes you need to see the good in someone before they see it themselves

The angel cut my arm up for the first time in years

>>36703005
thanks, i appreciate that

thing is after the four months hes going back to uni but i'm going to another part of the country and i cant imagine i'd do well in a long term relationship

i get that four months isnt long, but i dont want to deny him of finding a boy in the country hes going to (hes a lot more well adjusted than me and is ok with hook ups, he said his body count was 6)

>>36703032

Unfortunately, that isn't true. Some people have personality disorders that makes it very different for them to be "good". Not everyone is like you or me in the moral and empathy department. Make sure to understand that: some people think completely differently from you. You've seen it in this thread.

>>36703060

I knew the angel was the asshole behind this. Was I right? "Dorothy" was there originally, but then I think the "angel" took over, and he dresses up very poorly. I instantly thought it wasn't her anymore.

How are you?

>>36703081

You've had a crush on him for two years. That's more than a crush at this point. Maybe he will love you just as much. Maybe he'll want a long distance relationship. I had been in one with my LO for 2 years.

>his body count

Kek be praised.

>>36703163
I understand that some find it hard to be good, or think differently. But I can't believe that there are people who are 100% evil. I can't think that. It's what allows me to tolerate the world

>>36703211
is 6 a lot? i'd say mine was 1 (the boy from two years ago) but neither of us came so i dunno if it counts

also i asked him what he wanted out of the situationship and he said "well, i'm going away for four months, aren't i?" which leads me to believe that he doesnt want long distance

swear im getting paranoid over nothing

>>36703256
>who are 100% evil. I can't think that. It's what allows me to tolerate the world

Think of "evil" differently. People without empathy aren't evil as much as they just don't care, and some enjoy others' pain. All in all, what is evil to us is just like eating chocolate to them: it feels nice.

Hurting others feels nice to some.

>>36703291
>is 6 a lot? i'd say mine was 1 (the boy from two years ago) but neither of us came so i dunno if it counts

At the risk of sounding like a homophobe, which I'm not, I think 6 is a fairly conservative number for a homosexual man. Almost saintly, even.

>>36703291
>also i asked him what he wanted out of the situationship and he said "well, i'm going away for four months, aren't i?" which leads me to believe that he doesnt want long distance

I don't like his answer. He could state things himself, instead of letting you carry the responsibility of interpreting his answer.

In doubt, ask him straight (punny pun pun).

>>36703311
But they can enjoy hurting others without being completely careless, right? Surely they have something or someone they care about enough to help

>>36702964
Thanks Nick. But I have to agree, at least on a philosophical level, with Ethan here
>>36703032
But you're right here
>>36703163
I don't feel empathy for people unless I've connected with them on some level. Most people are just nameless NPCs to me.

>>36703327
ok, thanks for this

>>36703347
i'm leaving uni mid may and hes going overseas mid june, whens the best time to ask him again? i dont want to make him feel bad for essentially saying no, but more selfishly i dont want to ruin the nice friendship we've got going on now if thats as far as it'll ever go

>>36703349
>But they can enjoy hurting others without being completely careless, right?

Why would they care? Consider Isis. That's the sort of people I'm talking about: given a chance to cause harm to others, they'll seize it.

During the inquisition, the people who tortured other human beings literally had orgasms from the torture, that's how much they enjoyed sadism. It's a way of being that you and I are alien to. But be aware that there are people out there who are this way.

>Surely they have something or someone they care about enough to help

For some disordered people, no one else truly exists.

Thus, levels of cruelty utterly impossible to conceive for you and me are natural to them.

>>36703403
>But I have to agree, at least on a philosophical level, with Ethan here

Too bad philosophy can't do shit against NPD. Trust me, I'm the first to try and see the good in everyone, but sometimes, you have to accept that some people are sadly lost for good.

>>36703163
I don't exactly know. I think she was lashing out but it was genuinely,. but most probably she was egged on

>>36703429
Well, at least they care about something, and they enjoy it, it's not all bad. Not to say that those aren't horrible events, but I mean nowadays, of course. As long as people aren't soulless husks who don't care about anything, as long as they care about something, even if it's sadism, then I'm ok. I can't stand the thought of apathy. I strive against it

>>36703427

Ask whenever. Fear nothing. You won't ruin anything.

>>36703455

I never know to handle your people. But I always have this instinctual reaction to antagonise them because they're not real people. I want them to leave you alone and whole.

How badly are you hurt?

>>36703427
>I dont want to make him feel bad for essentially saying no, but more selfishly i dont want to ruin the nice friendship we've got going on now if thats as far as it'll ever go
Ok here's how you handle this: before he leaves tell him you'll be waiting on him to get back, and you want to talk about something when he's back.
>>36703451
I'm not saying many haven't willingly gone too far to be saved, but no one starts out evil. Some believe that they are still good despite every evil thing they have done, cognitive dissonance is too hard for many brains to overcome.

>>36703606
>but no one starts out evil.

I agree to a large extent. But fire burns, and you must protect yourself and the innocent. Narcs are never born narcs, but they're dangerous all the same. As sad as it is, you can't let them do their nefarious deeds.

Cognitive dissonance, in a sense, is what narcissism hinges on. They have the uncanny ability to live without making any fucking sense.

>>36703576
ok thanks
youre a real help, thank you greatly

>>36703606
and make him stress over the four months? i honestly dont want him to feel bad, he hasnt done anything wrong, its me whos overthinking it. anyway, he'll just ask me to tell him over snapchat and i couldnt skirt round the topic for four months
thanks for the advice but i think this would cause more bad than good

>>36703692

Very welcome.

As to him, he's an adult, he won't feel bad if he owns up to his own choices. You're not forcing him.

>>36703528
>As long as people aren't soulless husks who don't care about anything, as long as they care about something, even if it's sadism, then I'm ok. I can't stand the thought of apathy.
Jesus Christ, this first post of yours that has disturbed me... That is way of thinking is so utterly confused to me that I had to pop in to discuss it.

>>36703528

I had missed that post.

People don't "care" about sadism, Ethan. They care about giving themselves pleasure. It's very different. In many cases, the pleasure they get from it is very small compared to the pain they inflict.

Would you drown butterflies for giggles? They would.

Apathy doesn't kill butterflies.

Most sadists tend to have diminished emotions and thus very little empathy, if any.

>>36703766
Wow much error to grammar. Maybe I've finally developed a brain tumor to end it all.

>>36703766
I have to think that way. If people don't care, then what's the point? If they care about doing good, or doing evil, although I'd much rather they be doing good, I don't care, as long as they aren't doing nothing.

>>36703766
>>36703835

Relax, Meta, we all make mistakes like this sooner or later. It's not grammar so much as inattention and such. Don't think about it any longer, OK? Learn to say, "I don't give a fuck." Feels good.

>>36703692
Thats true. You probably overthinking it. It took me 3 months of fretting over it to ask out my last ex, AFTER a mutual friend pointed out to me that she was crushing hard (I'm socially dense, obviously.)
If he's the overly stressed out type, don't broach it. Or say something like "wish I was going with you" or similar. Or wait till he's already out, tell him you've got something for him when he gets back and when he's back kiss him

>>36703846
>as long as they aren't doing nothing.

Would you say that of pedophiles?

Let them do nothing if it means not destroying other people's lives. Lack of apathy isn't worth sacrificing other's people's lives for it.

>>36703812
I'm sorry but I'd rather have someone evil who can become good, then someone locked into a life of uncaring. It's very important to me. I was told years ago that nobody in the world cared, and to me, it's my number one priority to prove that wrong.

>>36703891
Of course not, I'd want them to get help and become better people, but as long as they have a chance to become better people, and care enough try, it's good enough for me

>>36703846
Why abhor inaction? This kind of thinking gives shelter to monsters, Ethan. It's tantamount to being one yourself.

>>36703886
i like that idea but i'm not anywhere near the uni when he gets back so i honestly dont know how well that would work
also, hes very laidback, almost to the point where i think he thinks of me as 'just another hook up', but then that could just be the paranoia in me

>>36703909
>I'm sorry but I'd rather have someone evil who can become good, then someone locked into a life of uncaring.

The evil ones are those who don't care, Ethan.

>I was told years ago that nobody in the world cared,

You were lied to, by people who actually don't care THEMSELVES, and project their shit on everyone else. It probably was your parents, and my parents would say the same shit because they don't care themselves.

I care. I'm in the world.

Caring is from empathy. Caring about others and caring about one's own desires are two different things. People who are so depressed they can't care about anything are not to be confused with sadists and psychopaths; those would care if they were in a better state.

It's the opposite of your model:

>the apathetic are just mentally ill but can recover
>the evil-doers are mentally ill too, but they enjoy their illness and won't change, while the apathetic can be healed and do good like normal people

>>36703846
Why is a "point" needed? What's the point of points?

>>36703599
I spoke to my best beloved and she felt pity for me. I was essentially exploited. I wanted to help but in the end I was wounded fundamentally. In the end, I ended up reliving the rpe from my childhood, being forced into the rapist role. It hurt me more than anything I can think of, and if I'd only had the strength to say no I would have been fine. Inly I was too afraid of being abandoned and then I felt so guilty all over again

>>36703979
Its probably the paranoia. It's not hard to set up a meeting a day or so after he gets back. You will never know how he feels unless you ask or he tells you on his own.

>>36704035

Underrated post.

More in private.

>>36704052
ok, setting up a meeting soon after he comes back is the ideal outcome (at least the dream of having him can stay alive)

but what if he meets someone while he's abroad? do i just drop everything and pretend like i just wanted to be friends from the very beginning? i've never been in a relationship before so i dont want to embarrass myself

>>36703981
I didnt want to say it, because I didn't want to use him to get my point across, and my emotions are probably making me act in a way that isn't right, but I think I should explain.

The one who said it, was in fact, Rob, and he killed himself shortly afterwards. This is why I care so much. He told me that the world had stopped caring, and he didn't want to live in that world. This is why it's important to me that people have purpose in life, no matter what it is. I know it's probably wrong to carry on someone's sentiment who obviously had issues enough to commit suicide, but he was my brother, and it's the least I can do for him. If he felt that way then others must too, and I don't want others doing the same thing as him.

>>36704117
>but what if he meets someone while he's abroad?

Then it's up to him to deal with it and tell you. It's fine to be hoping for more and then have the other decide something. Not your responsibility.

>>36703995
>>36704143

Sorry I didn't see that post, I explained here why it's important for me for there to be a point, even if it just me being emotional

>>36704166
ok, thanks.
guess i've just got to get out of my head and not to overthink it
thanks, again

>>36704143
>He told me that the world had stopped caring, and he didn't want to live in that world.

He projected his feelings onto the world (understandably if he was depressed enough to kill himself), and he mistook his feelings for reality. For one, YOU cared, so he was deadly wrong about that.

But this is neither here nor there. You're confusing a number of things that don't actually relate.

You can care about everyone, even the evil ones, but you can't force them to change. People who are apathetic are in trouble, it's not a choice.

Truth bomb: It wasn't the world who stopped caring, it was Rob.

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>>36704117
>but what if he meets someone while he's abroad?
How would you feel about that? Are you the jealous posessive type like me or would you feel happy for him he found someone?
>do i just drop everything and pretend like i just wanted to be friends from the very beginning?
No, you could explain how you felt and didn't want to tie him down with those thoughts before he left.
>I've never been in a relationship before so i dont want to embarrass myself
If you're not regularly embarrassing yourself you're not doing it right (or I did it wrong)

>>36704166
Oh hey Nick did the test, what do you think?

>>36704197

Mostly, take your responsibilities but leave theirs to others. You're not responsible for everything. It's a dance. It takes two.

>>36704181
My eyes glaze over the instant I see a post with names and social information in it...

>>36704231
>Are you the jealous posessive type like me or would you feel happy for him he found someone?

Anyone in love would feel jealous. Feeling jealousy isn't being possessive. Being possessive is how you act with regards to your jealousy.

>>36704231

Seems accurate, very much. It shows your PTSD, some depression/anxiety.

I like that test, seems really good.

Somewhat stressed. Got back from the first day of work at the location I'm going to be working at, and I recognized one of the staff members on the ward next to mine from when I was inpatient there.

>>36704261

What do you mean?

I'm not sure.

>>36704305
>I recognized one of the staff members on the ward next to mine from when I was inpatient there.

Small world. Really small.

You're only the second person whose female alter speaks to me tonight.

>>36704216
I know you're right but I just can't accept it. I know he stopped caring, but I don't want to think it, because it changed my memories of how he was as a person. I don't want to think his death was his own fault, I want to blame the world, because he doesn't deserve to be gone. I'd trade myself for him any day, or do horrible things to have him back. It's unfair

>>36704231
>How would you feel about that? Are you the jealous posessive type like me or would you feel happy for him he found someone?
i'm a bit of both, i'd feel sad about it for a day or two and then feel happy for him. saying that though i think i like him more than just a crush but what do i know i've only ever been with one other guy

>No, you could explain how you felt and didn't want to tie him down with those thoughts before he left.
i feel like explaining that AFTER he found someone would be bad for both of us, making him feel guilty for nothing and making me feel depressed that i dont have him

>If you're not regularly embarrassing yourself you're not doing it right (or I did it wrong)
thanks, thats given me a different viewpoint i hadnt thought of before

>>36704240
>You're not responsible for everything.
thanks. i try to control everything in my life but i guess this is something i have no control over

>>36704270
>Being possessive is how you act with regards to your jealousy.
well theres not much i could do if he found someone abroad, is there?

>>36704337
Technically true, but it doesn't really seem necessary to use separate trips for each alter.

Most of yesterday he was the one talking.

>>36704368
>I don't want to think his death was his own fault,

It wasn't. He had a severe mental illness which warps your perception and makes you feel things that aren't real. I am privileged in this because my mood swings so much from a day to the next, that I can have 3D perspective on emotions now: suicidal one day, almost happy the next.

Being horribly depressed was not part of his personality, it wasn't who he was. That was only his illness.

I'm sorry for your loss, Ethan. I feel for you.

>>36704411

Oh, I know. I was thinking of someone else who also has DID. You're not alone in this.

>>36704321
It's really a chore to read about people's past encounters and events involving others. I can't even think today. Trouble merely making sentences.

>>36704270
I mean REALLY possessive and jealous. I was always incredibly jealous whenever one of my exes (when I was dating them) was hanging out/talking with someone else. Always tried to keep that down, because I knew that wasn't a healthy reaponse.
>>36704293
As far as I can tell it hit me roughly on the nose.
>>36704368
Wouldn't we all? If we all had the option to save someone we loved, wouldn't we do Anything? Some people will get high and mighty and say "of course not," but when the situation presents itself, people tend to throw morals out the window and do what is best for themself and their kin, consequences for everyone else be damned.

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Will read from bed. Be good to each other!

Love you all.

>>36704496
thanks for your help and advice!

goodnight nick

>>36704496
Wow its that time already? Where did the past 3 hours go? See you around Nick

>>36704461
I figured, but wasn't sure if you where expecting me to change trips based on who's out, after seeing that.

>>36704402
>i'm a bit of both, i'd feel sad about it for a day or two and then feel happy for him. saying that though i think i like him more than just a crush but what do i know i've only ever been with one other guy
Well you never know, with love. Tricky thing that. Going to try and stay in contact through the trip?
>i feel like explaining that AFTER he found someone would be bad for both of us, making him feel guilty for nothing and making me feel depressed that i dont have him
If it happens and he finds someone be happy for him. Make sure he knows you're realy happy for him and still want to stay friends(if you can do that)
>thanks, thats given me a different viewpoint i hadnt thought of before
I usually make myself look stupid several dozen times over the course of a month in a relationship.

>>36704710
thanks, this is all genuine helpful advice
who knew r9k could give me hope over my faggotry mess

i do plan on staying in contact with him through the trip
i'll try my best to be truly happy for him as well as showing him that i'm happy for him, i feel like this is the only way to 'get over him' if he does find someone else
plus, hes a really nice person anyway so i'd want to stay friends with him even if i cant have more than that

>>36704473
What's originally wrong meta?

>>36704812
I hope that goes well.

>>36704822
Plenty, thou heroic fucker. Right now, I'm regretting roping myself into continued participation in these threads. While I do enjoy the conversations, the adverse effects on my psyche cannot be underemphasized.

>>36704812
>i'd want to stay friends with him even if i cant have more than that
I'm glad you can
>I will never know this feel
Fuck

>>36704965
This has all served to remind me why I dropped out of interactions to begin with. I'm not suited for them.

>>36704957
thanks, so do i

>>36704988
i know it'll be hard but i've had crushes on people but stayed friends with them, but that was without getting intimate with them
its been two years since the first boy and we still have eachother on snapchat, we dont talk but theres no animosity towards eachother, so i guess if he was to find someone then our friendship might just fade away

but who knows, i'll take it one day at a time

>>36705028
My thoughts are so muddled right now that they can't even report on what ought to be most apparent, their own state at the present. I can't be sure what the cause of this is, but I want it to stop NOW.

>>36704965
>>36705028
>>36705160
If you need to take a break from this place no one will blame you. I really can't browse the rest of this board in my off time, way too depressing for me. Only check here around when this thread is usually up.
>>36705103
With my relationships they all ended up with me being cheated on. So yeah I haven't talked with any of my exes since we split.

>>36705202
funny thing is the first boy 'cheated' on me too, but he says we werent officially together and i thought we were together

since then i found it hard to trust anyone, let alone people i had crushes on

the hardest part of this all is ive liked dan since he came to uni but i couldnt bring the courage to talk to him, and if i just talked to him sometime over the past two years i couldve had something real

ah well, everything happens for a reason

>>36705202
I don't care about being blamed for anything. The compulsion is firmly in place now. I wasn't going to post or email anyone today, but I simply couldn't resist. I can't stop replaying these conversations in my head, checking old posts, again and again, ad nauseam... This happens any time I let myself become entangled in communications with people. Ineluctably part of my personality. The only solution is for a quarrel or slight to permanently bar me from considering continuing. But I'm not keen on that either. There's no way out of this stupid brain.

>>36705319
>and I thought we were together
Ouch. That hurts. In my relationships we'd been official for over a year in each. My first ex and I split on my 18th birthday and sent me into my depressive self-hate spiral yay!
>hard to trust anyone
I know how you feel there

>>36705028
You are. It may cost you ar first.

>>36705361
Why do you feel compelled to keep coming back?

>>36705448
bless, that must've been rough

i can only sympathise with your situation, but without sounding like a prick, doesnt the good time spent together outweigh the sadness from the breakup? i wouldn't know because i've never been in one so apologies if i sound insensitive

>>36705472
It's the same persistent nagging that propels me to complete all the conditions of my other compulsions.

>>36705581
A sense of perpetual incompleteness, a striving for rectification, a thirst for resolution.

>>36705623
It's revolting to me that I'm inescapably led along the course of my personal tale told by an idiot by the caprice of this self-defeating pile of neurological mush.

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Spoiler=feels
You've been warned
>>36705550
No that's a good question to ask. For the first ex, no. The damage to my self-esteem and faith in relationships wasn't worth losing virginity, especially only two weeks before a breakup. Second was better, but I actually saw a future with her and was preparing for it. Pic extremely related.
>>36705623
>>36705581
I've never really had serious compulsions, must be awful

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I'm finished. I leave you with an icon of my rage.

>>36705725
I wish I could help you meta. Seriously

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I know I have exams coming up but I cannot seem to stop playing on my laptop and watching youtube. As for a question

> why do some families have one super smart kid but the rest aren't as good? Why must I be compared to them?

Thanks in advance robot

>>36705766
>why do some families have one super smart kid but the rest aren't as good? Why must I be compared to them?
Because parents love their children differently

>>36705724
fucking hell bless you

thats mad, i guess if its any consolation she broke up with you before she strung you along to the point where if she DID then break up with you it could've been a whole lot worse

and, again without trying to sound like an out-of-touch faggot, isnt losing your virginity something you want to get over and done with asap as a straight guy? why was that a negative towards the first break up?

>>36705766
many parents say they love and treat their children equally but thats bullshit

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>>36705818
Because I'm a major traditionalist. I'm not somebody who wanted to fuck someone just to say I've done it, I wanted it to have meaning and be with someone special. So now to calm myself down abit, who's feeling home-grown burgers?

>>36705979
aww man, sorry if i riled you up

i was/am the same in being a traditionalist and wanted my first time to be meaningful but i ended up rushing. i dont regret it because its taught me that i need to take things with a pinch of salt

enjoy your burgers, they look delicious

>>36706111
Don't worry about it, always get upset talking about them. Also didn't know I liked cooking until about a month ago

>>36706146
glad youve found a positive hobby/outlet

and sometimes its helpful to get things off your chest, thanks for opening up and giving me good advice

goodnight m8, see you around

>>36706242
I'll see you next time
I'm always here

See everyone next thread