Psychological Issues #48

Do you honestly believe you're even inconveniencing anyone but yourself?

>>36665036

Hello, Meta.

How are you today?

>>36664783
This has got to be the best of the bunch, though.

>>36665048
I still didn't sleep very much. Will only be around for a while. I'm doing ok, I suppose. What's on your mind?

>>36665066
This reminds me of what I usually do to my enemies

>>36665074
What's up with this gore spam?
Asking for a friend

Wew, gore spamming in a thread mostly populated by amoral edgelords with personality disorders, oh no my fragile psyche cannot handle this. Just take a name, you'll fit right in honestly

GORE?! OH NO, IM FAR TOO FRAGILE TO SEE THIS.

IM OFF TO A SFW BOARD POST HASTE.

>>36665066
I always wonder what response people like you think you're provoking by doing this. I know you won't answer, but it does fascinate me. Are you laughing maniacally as though you're some supervillian for posting gore on 4chan or self-consciously returning again and again to see if you really made a difference ? I imagine it varies from person to person.

>>36665138
Ay, chappy. Nice to see you.

>>36665146
I can fap to this...

Original

>>36665155
I can't be the only one who's fapped to a beheading. You know, just to see.

>>36665146
Saved. Bless you, you tenacious bastard.

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I get angry and depressed whenever one of my friends talks about hanging out with other people and I secretly want to sabotage their other friendships in any way possible

I'm aware this is rooted in insecurity, but what do

>>36665143

Good question. It feels like cringe to me. It's like that kid in Sunday school who's very proud to be an atheist and think he's doing something unique by asking "tough" questions and "debating" the minister/priest.

I wonder how long our troll will last. He's doing well so far but he will tire.

I think a rekt thread on /b/ is missing a pleb.

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>>36665166

I hope you are jesting. Please.

>>36665166
I used to push my limits all the time with that kind of thing. Now that I know my sexuality is amply malleable, I've pulled it back, lest I develop something that would get me into trouble.

>>36665169

Talk to yourself rationally: none of their other friends are you; you are unique and invaluable. That cannot be lost.

Find out why you're insecure, that will help.

>>36665195
>I used to push my limits all the time with that kind of thing. Now that I know my sexuality is amply malleable,

I shouldn't ask, but, for educational purposes, how far did you push it?

I'm lactose intolerant but I drink milk cos it makes my farts smell like burning rubber and I find it hilarious.

I wonder what they'd do if we were to successfully guess the identity of the culprit.

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>>36665222

Trips and just what.

>>36665206
Salty milk and coins origano

>>36665239

I'm not even going to pretend I understand. If "salty milk" is sperm, I can't guess what "coins" are.

>>36665235

There's nothing funnier than clearing a room with one well timed fart.

Also if someone pisses me off I do a silent fart and walk around them so they're trapped in a noxious fart cloud.

>>36665195
A wise move. It's as they say: porn overload forces you to ever more extreme niches. If you can pull back, better to do so. I know I find it a little more labour intensive to get off these days. Happily, it doesn't tend to go down the gore route. I got over that early.

>>36665206
I probably shouldn't say. Things in line with what I told you previously. I'm convinced I could become sexually sensitized to almost anything.

>>36665265

I feel the machiavellianism from you... Do you ACTUALLY do that? I never know, with you guys.

>>36665273
You're damn right I do. It's called the butlers revenge

>>36665266
>porn overload forces you to ever more extreme niches

Never happened in my experience.

>>36665266
I've been noticing a decrease in carnal appetite myself. I devote much less time to such thoughts than I did when I was younger.

>>36665286

Never happened in my experience either.

Goreposter, why did you give up so quickly? We're all interested in you.

>>36665295
I welcome it. I'd prefer not to be human.

>>36665266
I find guro aesthetically pleasing, but not sexually arousing at this point.

>>36665273
When he wrote The Prince, I highly doubt Machiavelli had expected that he would one day lend his name to the efforts of close-quarters rubber farters.

>>36665286
Personally, I have to crack one off every night or I can't relax enough to sleep. Too anxious. Alcohol is one alternative. Zopiclone would do it too, though they won't give it to me anymore.

Incidentally, if you're ever prescribed zopiclone don't drink on it. This isn't just me: it literally makes you murderous. It's well documented and people have got off murder charges because of it. It's that dangerous.

>>36665299

If it's the same guy as always (likely), he only ever posts in the beginning, when I'm alone. He gets coy afterwards.

>>36665299
Might have gotten banned. Goru is against /r9k/ rules.

>>36665344
>When he wrote The Prince, I highly doubt Machiavelli had expected that he would one day lend his name to the efforts of close-quarters rubber farters.

Indeed. I also doubt he imagined his name would become so negative. The actual book doesn't reek of evil at all. It's more like practical politics. And it's solely on the political level, for all I remember, not the personal or social.

Poor Machiavelli. At least he has a good first name.

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

Testy time!

I'll show you mine, show me yours.

I'm considering putting all my screencaps on a USB key and giving it to my therapist.

>>36665369
I enjoyed the book. It was very practical. I think what stuck in people's craws was the idea that the morality appropriate for the common man does not apply to a head of state in the same way. It's true of course, but people just don't like to hear it.

POLITICS ALERT. What is the ideal political system? How would you govern as an absolute monarch with today's technology?

>>36665391

For what it's worth my own assessment of my condition goes something like this: for very long, I have thought my state was normal when it was not, and because of this, I struggle along without being fully conscious of just how dire the situation is, even though I feel it acutely.

I hadn't realised, for instance, that fainting in supermarkets was likely an anxiety attack.

In the past, what I thought was depression was intense derealisation, what I thought was normal was depression, and what I thought were panick attacks were out of this world feelings of terror, which made me go to a psychiatric hospital because I was scared to take my own life to avoid such terror.

What is this shit? Terror attacks?

>>36665408
>does not apply

That's just, like, your opinion, man. Morality isn't an exact science.

>>36665408
Most people don't seem to have the stomach for consequentialism. From what I gather, man's default position is one of affinity with deontology.

Somebody get me a test before I impale my head on a chopstick.

>>36665523
Don't do that. Take a reaction time test.

>>36665546

Therapist tomorrow. Very sad that this is the only thing I look forward to. Not dying today.

>>36665569
What do you find most helpful in the dialogue? Just having your voice heard by a sympathetic ear? Practical coping tips?
Does death frighten you?

I have a book in front of me by Douglas Hofstadter (author of GEB) called I Am A Strange Loop. I'm going to type and post an excerpt of it that touches me.

>>36665616
>What do you find most helpful in the dialogue?

It's more of a monologue punctuated by questions and remarks on her part.

A phenomenon we both noticed - and it's fucking weird - is that I "come alive" when I speak. I'll arrive there feeling like I want to die, and through speaking, I gradually improve my mood, to the point of feeling elated. Speaking to people is like a fucking drug to me. If I like the people in question. That's why my job helps, that's why therapy helps punctually as well. I suppose. Therapy helps in other ways, of course.

As to practical tips, so far, not that many. I can't think of one.

As to death, considering that my brain makes me feel like I'm on the verge of dying constantly, yes, but not in a normal way. It's not a rational fear, it's absolute terror that makes life not worth living. I do think that's part of the complex trauma deal, with very amplified stress responses to anything. Being abandoned makes me feel like I'm on death row essentially.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strappado

Machiavelli was subjected to this form of torture, once accused of conspiracy. He denied everything and was released 3 weeks later. That form of torture normally lasts an hour at most. More could kill you.

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Typing it didn't work out, so I found an ebook. First of three.

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Second. I don't expect you guys to think much of it, but it makes me sad.

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Final. It feels unfair, even though that's not a word I use often.

(my name isn't actually Frank, but that's what I'm going with)

I think I'm an internet addict, although that's definitely not my root issue, just saying. I've slowly given up on all of my university courses so now I've been browsing 4chan and reddit and masturbating to porn for most of the last 48 hours. I honestly can't fathom that I really spent that much time doing that, but there was little else I did in the last 48 hours. I haven't slept for two nights in a row now, not a wink. I'm hardly eating either. I would sleep now (9 am) but I have a play I HAVE to see for a theatre class at 2:30 pm and I want to stay up for that and then crash afterwards. I'm really afraid that I'm going to fail out of uni and that will be the end of my life as I know it. My dad just sent me a nice text about the book he's reading and what he made for breakfast, little does he know how much of a degenerate failure his son is. He has some idea, of course, but everyone always underestimates my extreme laziness.

I'm the person from the recent bar thread who made a post beginning with:
>What do you armchair psychologists make of this:
>When I was 11 or so my mom got super bipolar...

I honestly want to brag about how long I've been up, but it would be weird to brag about it to someone I know, so here I am on 4chan...

>>36666024

Cool read. But there's no such wall. His marathon bit is probably bro-science and his difficulty at maths later on probably comes from the fact that he didn't work hard enough, and was never used to having to work, so now that he actually had to, he thought it was too difficult, and instead of just accepting it and working on it, asking for help and such, he just gave up.

That's sad, but he didn't have to give up.

>>36666047
Fuck, I forgot to put Frank in the name field. I blame sleep deprivation!

>>36666055
I take offense on his behalf. "Broscience" is a stupid term and not even remotely applicable to anything Hofstadter has written. Do you believe anyone not mentally retarded can learn any terrestrial subject with enough effort?

>>36666165
Oh no, I can, I just...haven't. I was glued to this screen all night the last two nights so here I am now with no sleep for 48 hours. I'm super tired actually, but not in a sleepy way, in the way you only get when you stay up this long. I'm still pretty mentally sharp, but I'm like running on autopilot or something. This isn't a regular problem for me. Usually I stay up till nearly dawn then sleep the day away. These past two nights I just couldn't pull myself away from a screen (my phone too) and sleep.

Hey nick, we talked a long time ago noe I suppose.

I srarted going out more and socializing, made a good friend who likes anime and shit, cool guy.

A couple nights ago I went to a family members 18th birthday party and got too drunk, tldr is I tried to fuck my barely legal cousin in front of everyone then went into a massivr rage when I realized what I was doing.

I haven't spoken to any of my family since and I've been bunking with my friend, I have no doubt they're gonna kick me out.

I got a job now though, so that's a plus I guess.

>>36666146
>"Broscience" is a stupid term

Is it? When someone tells you that, right after your work out, you have a window of about 40 minutes in which to consume as many grams of protein as you have kilos in your body, and that beyond this window of 40 minutes, your body will not use the protein to create more muscle mass, that is what I call bro-science. Pseudo science based on nothing but hearsay.

The whole thing about the wall at 20 miles sounds like bullshit to me because it forgets some extremely basic parameters, such as the weight of the person and their training. Some men can run 100 miles in 24 hours, and experience no such wall of whatever. What limits running men are things outside of stamina: need to sleep, to eat, to defecate and urinate, etc. Beyond that, training will blow any assumed wall. Your body evolved for that.

I believe his issues were most likely of another order.

The greatest difficulty, in my opinion, is not liking something. You can overcome virtually everything else if you like the subject in the first place.

>>36666239
>I tried to fuck my barely legal cousin in front of everyone then went into a massivr rage when I realized what I was doing.

Damn...

Remind me of your issues from last time.

>>36665483
Computer troubles. Back now. Deontology is a nice enough idea, but feels a very limited way to gauge things. Inadequate.

Working on Nick's quiz but since the computer crapped out I'm having to start over.

>>36666276
Basically became an intensr shut in after my dad died, never talked to anyone. Realized that I was being a scum piece if shit leeching off of family so decided to get a job and start socializing.


What a fucking meme man, going hermit is unironically appealing to me at this point.

Let's talk about therapists.

Mine doesn't like to diagnose people too much as she fears it forces a model on them and makes them feel bad.

I understand the sentiment. That said, she doesn't really tell me what she thinks I have. She told me about a meeting of mental health professionals about CPTSD and said I might be able to go (which makes me think she underestimates my issues, as going to an event like this, alone, is a struggle).

>>36666338

Do this random test for me.

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

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>am constantly lonely and want to hang out with people
>hate everyone that wants to hangout with me and rather spend all day alone playing vidya

>>36666390

Make a short list of why you hate people who want to hang out.

>>36666348
My university's therapist that I saw like 5 times never mentioned any diagnosis ever. She didn't even give me any insight or advice, she just "listened" and asked occasional basic questions. Totally useless IMO. That style of therapy is only useful for people who just need to vent and then they're good.

>>36666243
He specifically says "they say", "most" and "if they haven't trained properly." The passage is also an example within a context of high sophistication. And yes, "broscience", as I understood it, is a derogatory term for science of interest to "bros" bandied about by non-experts, much like popscience. A useless disparagement to facts which may be true, though parroted by laymen. Pseudoscience is the term I prefer for those "facts" which are untrue in either categories.

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>>36665196
>you are unique and invaluable.

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>>36666380
Questions were pretty weird, I don't think I'm a 'bad guy'.

>>36666452

5 times isn't much, but she should have something to say even at that point.

>>36666462

I used to go on /fit/ quite a bit. That's why the term comes to me easily.

>>36666476

Yes. Believing otherwise is less pressure, sure, but it's not true.

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>>36666408
>annoy me with literally every word they say
>too normal
>make me cringe

I dont really know why though.
I have a wide circle of irl guys i know ranging from literal chads to trannies and cutebois who are suicidal and have no other friends besides me.

I literally just want another version of myself of myself to hang out and have fuqqin with

>>36666480

You're not a bad guy but your empathy for others is clearly lower than the average, making it so that you don't quite understand others as much as you should.

When's the last time you cried?

>>36666494
>Yes. Believing otherwise is less pressure, sure, but it's not true.
How is anyone, especially somebody who posts on /r9k/, unique and valuable out of seven billion people in any way? Who gives a fuck about them?

I wish I was unique and valuable. I wish other people could be unique and valuable. But nobody is.

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About what I expected from this test

>>36666516
>You're not a bad guy
How do you know? How would you measure something like that?

>>36666500

It could be that you misinterpret their meaning; if they say "normal platitudes", it may very well be to establish contact with you in a safe way, not that they're fascinated by normalcy.

You may judge them too harshly and fail to realise that they may not be this different from you.

Just throwing ideas out there.

My parents suppress their emotions and never showed me any affection, I've only recently realized this and I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

>>36666516
When I was an adolescent I think, I nearly cried when my dad died a few years back but held it back.

I've found I come to care about animals moreso then people throughout my years, I try not to kill any bugs/spiders and I fucking lovr just chilling with a dog or my rats.
Probably not important just something I realized.

>>36666522
>How is anyone, especially somebody who posts on /r9k/,

Anyone can post here.

>unique and valuable out of seven billion people in any way?

On a very low level, not one of these 8 billion people on earth has an exact copy of himself in the rest. No two people can occupy the same space at the same time and not one has the exact same genetic code. No one shares the same consciousness. Individuals are endlessly varied despite patterns.

>Who gives a fuck about them?

Anyone.

>I wish I was unique and valuable. I wish other people could be unique and valuable. But nobody is.

Everyone is and everyone has the potential to be.

>>36666494
She was honestly a horrible therapist, I think that was all there was to it. She was still in training too.

get fuck

my life

>>36666539

If the guy doesn't think he's a bad guy, I roll with it until further notice.

Damn, Facman, you got some major PTSD issues.

Are you sure there aren't more efficient therapies available for you at this point?

BBC wilI inherit the earth.

>>36666560

This may sound like not much, but it's easily worse than blows and molestation, especially in infancy. A baby growing up with emotionless parents is severely affected. You were not given all you needed to be a funtional adult.

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

Read this to get a broader view of abuse.

>>36666571
>When I was an adolescent I think, I nearly cried when my dad died a few years back but held it back.

So you haven't cried in years? For comparison, I must have cried 15 times yesterday and once today already. During happier times, it'd probably happen once a month, I'm not sure anymore.

>Probably not important just something I realized.

It is, it's a standard question on empathy tests, but feeling more empathy towards animals is usually not a good sign for empathy in general.

>>36666649
>>36666680

Ya blew it.

Post the get, someone.

>>36666747
Yes, years.
I suppose last time I cried was 13-24
I'm going on in 25 in october
So I guess a decade~

> I must have cried 15 times yesterday
Baffles me.

Why isn't it a good sign? Genuine question.

>>36666680
I'm not too shocked about that. A rough time growing up is all it really takes, I should think. I don't particularly feel as though I have PTSD or identify that way, but there we are.

>>36666666
Godly septs

>>36666785
>Why isn't it a good sign? Genuine question.

It suggests lack of empathy for human beings.

I have no idea how it is possible not to cry for a decade. Do you never watch movies? Do you never ponder about life and people and it makes you feel for them?

>>36666794
>I don't particularly feel as though I have PTSD or identify that way, but there we are.

To get those results, you must have responded in even more extreme ways than I have, so you must identify with it.

How often a day do you have anxiety attacks?

>>36666807

Is milhouse becoming a meme?

>>36666747
>15 times
what the hell about, if you don't mind me asking? I cried last night while listening to ITAOTS, no joke. That album almost always makes me cry bittersweet tears. Before that I was sort of forcing myself to cry about how fucked my life was, but there weren't enough emotions in me to really cry, hence the music. I often want to cry, or get angry, or anything, but I just don't have it in me.

>>36666599
>Anyone can post here.
While this is technically correct, that doesn't change the fact more miserable people will be drawn to a place like /r9k/ where they feel like they can find like-minded people similar to themselves, not people who are successful and happy with their life.

>On a very low level, not one of these 8 billion people on earth has an exact copy of himself in the rest. No two people can occupy the same space at the same time and not one has the exact same genetic code. No one shares the same consciousness. Individuals are endlessly varied despite patterns.
Sure, but that doesn't mean they are useful or important, does it? Being unique doesn't require it has to carry a positive meaning attached to word itself.
>Anyone.
And why would they? Do you give a fuck about strangers on the street you see while walking? You don't and neither do I. There'is almost 8 billion people on this planet, I don't think anyone has either time or care for a random person they haven't met in their lifetime.

I'm not the original anon you were talking to by the way, don't want to cause a misunderstanding.

>>36666831
I watch alot of movies but I've never cried at one.

Same with television or books or whatever, sometimes I feel a 'well that sucks for that guy' but I don't cry.

I didn't think it was that weird desu, I just think you cry a lot.

>>36664702
OP are you still up? Can you talk to me?

>>36666867
>ITAOTS

What's that?

>hence the music. I often want to cry, or get angry, or anything, but I just don't have it in me.

I used to be that way. Music helped break down walls so I can cry. I don't need that anymore.

>what the hell about, if you don't mind me asking?

Mostly my LO being in pain, alone, betrayed, how she must have felt and thought. Today I am more numbed because I feel exhausted. I think my sleep is almost useless. I wake up tired and can't sleep more.

>>36666841
It depends how you quantify an anxiety attack. I'm in a near-constant state of tension. Shortness of breath or some such though, not as much.

>>36664702
I dont think this is considered a symptom of a mental illness but what does it mean when youre falling asleep and you hear voices very clear voices

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I have to try to sleep. If I can't, I'll continue posting, but I've got to give it a shot. So that's all.

>>36666930
Does this happen to you when you're extremely tired or very late into the night?

>>36666870
>While this is technically correct, that doesn't change the fact more miserable people will be drawn to a place like /r9k/ where they feel like they can find like-minded people similar to themselves, not people who are successful and happy with their life.

While this is true, you'll find there's a huge chunk of the population that isn't happy with their lives. Nobody arrives here like-minded, they become it by hanging around, and even then, many don't.

>but that doesn't mean they are useful or important, does it?

That depends on you.

>>36666870
>And why would they? Do you give a fuck about strangers on the street you see while walking? You don't and neither do I.

I do, actually. If I see someone cry, I'm likely to go and ask how they are and if they want to have a drink.

>I don't think anyone has either time or care for a random person they haven't met in their lifetime.

That's what this thread is about, though.

>>36666876

I do cry a lot lately, and it's not normal, but you are emotionally stunted, clearly. Possibly disconnected from your actual feelings.

>>36666949
l dont think I was tired I was very depressed though.

>>36666881

I am. It's 15:48 here.

>>36666915
>It depends how you quantify an anxiety attack.

The usual:

>shortness of breath
>feeling like you're about to die
>nausea
>fainting, dizziness
>heart rate up
>tingly extremities
>intense anxiety, etc

>>36666908
>What's that?
An album, In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. It's a big meme on /mu/, but it's really great regardless.

>LO
hm? sorry.

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. I can say that I sleep well when I actually do it. I love sleep :)

>>36666930
>youre falling asleep and you hear voices very clear voices

In a dream or as you're going to sleep?

What do the voices say and what kind of voices are they?

>>36666945

Sleep well, Meta.

>>36666984
>hm? sorry.

LO = Loved One

>>36666969
Ok, thread is picking up. I'll head off, I don't know how to reconnect to my 'actual feelings', idk I'll google it or some shit. Peoplr are fucking weird man.

>>36667021

No need to leave because others are coming, friend.

Let me find you some other tests, OK?

>>36667021
>>36667034

https://psychology-tools.com/empathy-quotient/

Do this one.

You know what? I'm going to get off of 4chan, eat, take a shower and then maaaybe sleep

>>36666945
Buenos noches.

>>36666983
Intense anxiety comes up quite frequently. Nausea sporadically. Elevated heart rate. Escalating panic. I don't tend to have the shortness of breath, fainting/ dizziness or tingling as often. I can almost guarantee that I will when I visit my brother later today though. I don't enjoy visiting what was our home town for a good stint growing up.

>>36667054

OK. Sleep well!

>>36667066

Have you ever done therapy specifically aimed at PTSD or CPTSD?

>>36667075
I never have. But as I said, I've never considered myself to be a sufferer of that condition. BPD covered it closely enough, and so I accepted it as that. Growing up my parents certainly wouldn't have entertained the idea of PTSD because as far as they're concerned nothing much happened.

>>36666930
Likely entering hypnogogia

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>>36666983
>I am. It's 15:48 here.
Alright here's my problem.

I feel like I absolutely have no chance of ever having a girl be actually interested in me. Whenever I go somewhere I see girls who literally walk up to guys and try to make themselves the most attractive they can be to those guys. There's also a lot of couples where the girls just actively engages in love stuff with the guy. Seeing all that makes me feel so detached really, like a spectator. Now onto my problem:

The thing about me is that I've tried about everything out there to get a girl. Tinder seemed the most effective so far. With most girls I manage to ask out for a date, it's usually fun but later when I message them there is ZERO response from them. And it's not just a single occurence of this, it's happened a lot of times now. With some I manage to get a little further but then it also ends with them letting me know they started hanging out with another guy. It's like fucking clockwork really. There's always some guy that's better than me. Always.

I try to live my life by the manual and try to be a good guy to everyone. I study, I work hard, I don't really have much time to do other things in my life, hence I often don't even have time for girls, but I try. Another thing is that I just can't talk to girls all the time, like literally 24/7 like some guys do, not only because of lack of time but also because I just run out of subjects to discuss.

And because of all the above, I feel like I'm losing it at this point. I don't want to be alone and I just want one girl to be able to fall back to. I really want to be good enough for someone. Kills me to see girls who are with abusive guys but would literally never even give me the time of their day. Also it makes me bitter as fuck toward women but that's another thing.

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>>36667034
I mean, the more people there are the less time in between each answer dur to wanting to get to everyone.

The friend questions are really fucking considering I've never reqlly had one until adulthood.

>>36667106
>I've never considered myself to be a sufferer of that condition.

What's missing?

> Growing up my parents certainly wouldn't have entertained the idea of PTSD because as far as they're concerned nothing much happened.

Riddle me this, because I'll probably have the same response from my own parents: how can they argue nothing much happened considering what they did? How deep into NPD must they be?

>>36666955
>While this is true, you'll find there's a huge chunk of the population that isn't happy with their lives. Nobody arrives here like-minded, they become it by hanging around, and even then, many don't.
I agree with first part of this, your average Joe is certainly not joyful about his job, family or friends but I'm doubtful about whether are they in pitiful state enough to visit /r9k/ or similar places like here or not. Plenty of people visit here to find similar people like them though, be it /r9k/, wizardchan or incel community, they seek folks akin to them for several reasons, I'd say biggest of this lack of social skills and thus not being able to communicate with people decently in real life. A small part of the community come to their current state of mind as time goes by but most have a clear, noticeable attitude when they arrive here.
>That depends on you.
Yes, I was just pointing out uniqueness itself isn't really a positive thing on its own.
>I do, actually. If I see someone cry, I'm likely to go and ask how they are and if they want to have a drink.
Then you're an outliner and while I think what you'd do in a situation you described is respectable, I would remain away from doing it and I think most of the population would do the same thing as well.
>That's what this thread is about, though.
I will give you that, you're right about this. I still think most of the responses in this thread will fade away without having any effect but maybe one of them will help someone to have a better day, and hey, it's better than nothing.

Have a nice day, this was an pleasant conversation.

>>36667124
>Tinder

Tinder, in my understanding, is used for cheap shots, one night stands, fucking around, etc. It's a dick banquet. If you're interested in something serious, you should put more effort in a more sophisticated dating website, which asks you for more than just how you look and a few lines of text.

>It's like fucking clockwork really.

I'd be interested in knowing how you interact.

>I try to live my life by the manual and try to be a good guy to everyone.

Does that include yourself?

> I just run out of subjects to discuss.

You ask them questions, anon, you ask them questions and you listen to them.

>I really want to be good enough for someone.

That may be the problem. You should also seek someone who's good enough for you. Nothing repels people more than realising that you'd accept ANYTHING. It's devaluating as fuck. You may not value yourself much, part of the problem too, but others do, and they will want to know it takes something to be with you; if anyone can, then that's insulting. If all a girl needs is a vagina and being alive, they'll feel insulted and would consider that being with you is a downgrade for their self-respect. This is why you must value yourself to attract people who also have a healthy self-esteem. Otherwise the only ones you'll attract will be abusive to you.

> Kills me to see girls who are with abusive guys but would literally never even give me the time of their day.

They imagine that if they give more, the guys will become nicer to them. There's something to prove their worth, sadly, that's often how it works. It won't last long, and neither will be happy.

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>>36667132

Here's mine for comparison.

I don't think you're autismo, but you do have an empathy problem.

>>36667172
They would simply say that they 'did' nothing, that I was dressing it up unfairly to make them out to be cruel when I am intentionally misrepresenting the facts, and that they did their best. That it is in poor taste and smacks of ingratitude to call them on it. I have called them on it in the past, and my mother has responded with crocodile tears, my father with outright denial.

>>36667286
> 78
Wew lad

That's pre high, I don't think I have autism either, literal autism I mean not the mrmey definition.

>>36667264
>Then you're an outliner and while I think what you'd do in a situation you described is respectable, I would remain away from doing it and I think most of the population would do the same thing as well.

I disagree with that. Last time I fainted in public, I had a bunch of people coming to my aid, though one was a nurse, one was someone I knew, and one was staff. It happened in a crowded train once and nobody moved or said anything. They just saw me sit my ass down like a moron. Very humiliating but what can you do.

>I still think most of the responses in this thread will fade away without having any effect

It's not that true. For many people, it's an ongoing thing. They've started a process and I'm accompanying it. A bunch of anons have started therapy, so there is an effect.

Take care.

>>36667319

Sickening.

Just fucking drop them, honestly. They don't deserve attention.

>>36667267
>Tinder, in my understanding, is used for cheap shots, one night stands, fucking around, etc. It's a dick banquet. If you're interested in something serious, you should put more effort in a more sophisticated dating website, which asks you for more than just how you look and a few lines of text.
Tinder has changed. It used to be a sex app but at this point many people seem to use it for meeting for something longer. Besides, I don't really have much of a choice here.

>I'd be interested in knowing how you interact.
What do you mean?

>Does that include yourself?
Good guy to myself? I'm not sure what you mean here.

>You ask them questions, anon, you ask them questions and you listen to them.
I know but what questions? What can I talk to them about? How can people actually talk all day on facebook without running out of things to discuss?

>That may be the problem. You should also seek someone who's good enough for you.
But I do. Most people are fine by me really.

>You may not value yourself much, part of the problem too, but others do, and they will want to know it takes something to be with you; if anyone can, then that's insulting
I highly doubt it that others value me too. Definitely not girls. How can they value me if they pull of shit like I mentioned? It's crazy.

>This is why you must value yourself to attract people who also have a healthy self-esteem.
I don't know, that sounds impossible. I've been through so much shit I'd have to be mentally insane to think I'm good and attractive. There's just no way to do this at this point.

>>36667381
>What do you mean?

How do you speak to women?

>Good guy to myself? I'm not sure what you mean here.

Yes, do you put your interests first?

> Most people are fine by me really.

Might be a problem.

>I know but what questions? What can I talk to them about? How can people actually talk all day on facebook without running out of things to discuss?

Any question! Questions about what they've just said. Just be curious and interested.

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>>36667286
That feeling you get when nobody comes close

>>36664702
I guess I'm feeling suicidal today.

I live an OK life with a fulfilling job. I have companionship from family who I live with. I'm deeply unhappy with myself regardless, and I don't think I can make it through 50 more years of this.

I should go see a real psychiatrist instead of a fucking character from The Simpsons, eh?

>>36667431
At least I'm not a complete soulless husk like this guy.


Hahaha....

>>36667381
>I highly doubt it that others value me too.

As soon as they realise that you don't, they won't. If someone thinks they're an idiot, you have no reason to assume they're wrong, since they know themselves best, and at this stage, you don't think much more than that.

>Definitely not girls. How can they value me if they pull of shit like I mentioned? It's crazy.

That comes afterwards, not at first. If they first showed any kind of interest, that means they imagined there was a possibility at first. A possibility of being with you in a relationship. There's no other reason to even try originally. Keep that in mind.

It also means that whatever interest there was originally dies after something. Find the something.

> I've been through so much shit I'd have to be mentally insane to think I'm good and attractive.

That's not even what you should be after. You're not a slave, you're interested in a relationship that will complete you. The irony is that if you have no standards, women will not be interested: it shows both that you don't value yourself, and that you don't value them either. It's like those guys who hit on every woman around: all the women are turned off because they know that any female would do, so, just basically a hole that breathes and they're happy. Very devaluating, off putting.

Respecting yourself is literally respecting others.

>>36667431

How?

32 seconds of silence imposed by the Robot.

Such a fucking stupid idea, this robot crap. No wonder this board is socially retarded, you can't even post a simple fucking question without having some unrelated demands on what you say.

>>36667433

Since you're here, might as well list your symptoms.

>>36667430
>How do you speak to women?
Like I do to any other person really. I'm fairly light hearted and people always told me I'm funny although sometimes a little arrogant (though some called it bravery). But regardless of that I've tried different ways of speaking to women, a lot of it stemming from the fact that speaking to so many girls was a decent practice, as was getting a job where there was a lot of girl coworkers.

>Yes, do you put your interests first?
To some point, yeah. I mean I always prioritized work and university but when it comes to my interests I never really decided I want to stay playing vidya or watch a movie instead of going on a date. In fact I tried to tie my interests with the girls a few times (watching a movie together and such) but that gave meh results.

>Might be a problem.
Why's that? My standards aren't all that high really because I try to see the good in everyone. And if the girl seems interested in me then I like her more. Hard to change this.

>Any question! Questions about what they've just said. Just be curious and interested.
I know you're saying the conversation should keep evolving but it often just stops and there's really no way of continuing unless you bring up a new thing.

>>36667550
>sometimes a little arrogant

Examples?

>>36667550
>To some point, yeah. I mean I always prioritized work and university but when it comes to my interests I never really decided I want to stay playing vidya or watch a movie instead of going on a date. In fact I tried to tie my interests with the girls a few times (watching a movie together and such) but that gave meh results.

I meant: when you're talking with a girl, do you put your interests first? As in, if she acts in a way you dislike, do you try to make do with it, or do you think to yourself, "Well, that's not someone for me."?

>Why's that? My standards aren't all that high really because I try to see the good in everyone. And if the girl seems interested in me then I like her more.

Try to see people as they are and try not to be influenced by whether or not they like you. Girls who realise they don't deserve you will act nice to have you. When they see that it works, you're owned.

>>36667550
>I know you're saying the conversation should keep evolving but it often just stops and there's really no way of continuing unless you bring up a new thing.

It could also be that the person doesn't want to talk anymore. Don't assume the responsibility of conversations not dying solely lies on you.

Find me more tests about PTSD and C-PTSD. And anything else.

>>36667537
I exhibit the classical signs of clinical depression; Apathy, severe melancholy, fatigue, suicidal thoughts. My worst episodes have been over the past 2 months. My family has a history of mental illness and it's been steadily getting worse.

I'm addicted to escapism through the Internet as well as drugs. Earlier this year it was alcohol, then opiates, now it's psychedelics. The latter has given me a lot of time to introspect although I have to taper back use so I don't damage my brain.

Why make these threads nick?

Just kyrgios

>>36667498
>As soon as they realise that you don't, they won't. If someone thinks they're an idiot, you have no reason to assume they're wrong, since they know themselves best, and at this stage, you don't think much more than that.
I don't know. If I can see that others don't value me too much (girls mostly) then it's hard to believe the opposite. Yeah, girls may be superficial and only go for the looks but how can I do anything about it?

>A possibility of being with you in a relationship. There's no other reason to even try originally. Keep that in mind.
Which worries me even more. What am I doing wrong? Or perhaps they were never interested in me *that* way?

>The irony is that if you have no standards, women will not be interested: it shows both that you don't value yourself, and that you don't value them either.
Well okay I do have some standards when it comes to women but I can't really see how would they know it. If I go for a girl, then... well... she fits my standards. That's it really. And if I don't pursue women, then I'm alone because not a single girl has every taken the first step toward me and tried pursuing me.

>>36667613
>Examples?
Honestly, I never really knew why were they saing that but I suppose one situation could be when there was some shit that my coworker needed from our boss but was afraid to just jump in and straight up ask for it, and then I just took over, went there with a idgaf attitude and did it. Kinda hard to explain, but doing it the way I did it was a little outside social conventions I suppose. Or was it?
cont.

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>>36667670
>My family has a history of mental illness

List that.

It need not be genetic.

>>36667676
>Why make these threads nick?

There isn't much else I can do.

>>36667613
cont.

>As in, if she acts in a way you dislike, do you try to make do with it, or do you think to yourself, "Well, that's not someone for me."?
Both actually and it depends on the thing. For example when one girl told me she didn't like some beta guy she hanged out with I told her I'm not sure that's nice of her and she immediately noticed I'm not okay with it. Then again, if she's feminist, and I don't like feminism, but she's nice in general, then I just avoid any topics that would suggest me not liking feminism.

>Girls who realise they don't deserve you will act nice to have you.
I don't know, anon. If a girl sees I'm not interested in her in the initial phase, then she'll just give up and not meet me anymore. I mean why would she? We just met after all. This trick could work if we're already into a relationship. Besides, girls never seem to think they don't deserve me. I'm not a Chad, I don't give them those feelings.

>>36667619
>It could also be that the person doesn't want to talk anymore. Don't assume the responsibility of conversations not dying solely lies on you.
I tried that too. We wouldn't really talk too much and she eventually decided to find herself another guy. Just like every other girl.

>>36667693
>Which worries me even more. What am I doing wrong? Or perhaps they were never interested in me *that* way?

It should make you happy, it means that at some point, they consider it possible to be with you. Maybe you're doing something wrong afterwards, or maybe it just doesn't work. My guess is you come off as needy and "ready to do anything to be with them" and this repels people.

>but I can't really see how would they know it.

If they don't know it, it's almost the same as not having standards. It doesn't need to be explicitly said.

>>36667744

How do you choose women?

>>36667713
>>My family has a history of mental illness
>List that.
>It need not be genetic.

My Mother is a paranoid schizophrenic with bipolar disorder & severe depression. She's been on a slew of meds for 15 years.
My Grandmother is clinically depressed and is on fluoxetine. Maybe some other things, we don't really talk about it.

No history of mental illness on my father's side. Just lots of heart disease.

>>36667813
>My Mother is a paranoid schizophrenic with bipolar disorder & severe depression. She's been on a slew of meds for 15 years.

Is she in therapy right now?

Is your father emotionally cold or out of touch with people?

>>36667749
>It should make you happy, it means that at some point, they consider it possible to be with you. Maybe you're doing something wrong afterwards, or maybe it just doesn't work. My guess is you come off as needy and "ready to do anything to be with them" and this repels people.
That's the thing, neither you nor I can tell what the fuck is going on really. I do express my interest in girls without trying to come off as too needy or anything. Hell with the last girl I literally made it a point to not push it and only make moves when she obviously wants them or let her make the move. Didn't work.

>If they don't know it, it's almost the same as not having standards. It doesn't need to be explicitly said.
Well? How can they know my standards?

>>36667788
>How do you choose women?
Based on looks and bio if they have one. I talk to a lot of girls on tinder so it's almost random. Then I talk to them and over the course of the conversation we mutually weed each other out, but if I find her remotely interesting then I ask her out, as happens with most of them really but only a few really agree to hang out. From then on I don't really have much of a choice.

>>36667835
>Is she in therapy right now?

She visits her therapist every Thursday. It's a requirement for her meds.

>Is your father emotionally cold or out of touch with people?

Not really. He's a nice person, although we don't have a lot in common.

>>36667855
>I do express my interest in girls without trying to come off as too needy or anything.

That's already too much. Give me an example.

>only make moves when she obviously wants them or let her make the move

How did you know she obviously wanted them?

>Well? How can they know my standards?

It'll show in your attitude.

>>36667891

So do they talk for an hour or just check on the meds?

>>36667938
I couldn't say. I'd assume the latter since she's had to up her dose lately.

>>36667988

You don't know if your own mother goes to therapy or not, despite having done so for 15 years?

How much do you guys communicate?

>>36668021
>You don't know if your own mother goes to therapy or not, despite having done so for 15 years?
>How much do you guys communicate?

We talk every day. Her mental health isn't something in casual conversation unless something's going wrong or she's changing medications.

CAPTCHA: Taxi School

>>36667929
>That's already too much. Give me an example.
Well with the last girl when she told me she's sick and we need to call off our date I told her something like "oh well, get well then. I kinda wanted to see you".

>How did you know she obviously wanted them?
I didn't. I'm just saying I'd do thing if she obviously wanted them, so I suppose it'd be her literally hugging me during a movie or something.

>It'll show in your attitude.
I still don't know how's that supposed to work. Let's say I don't like obese girls. I don't even match with those. But there's this slim qt that I ask out. How can she know she's there because I prefer slim girls over fat ones?

>>36668094
>"oh well, get well then. I kinda wanted to see you".

That's horrible. I'll break it down for you, but I guess we found out what the problem was. Before I say anything, reverse roles and imagine.

"I kinda wanted to see you," that almost suggests she fell ill on purpose to annoy you or something, very passive aggressive, which is petty and will definitely shut down vaginas.

It also sounds like you don't care that she's sick, but you care that she can't come satisfy you with a date.

The appropriate reaction is, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it's nothing too bad. Same day next week if you're feeling better?"

>>36668094
>How can she know she's there because I prefer slim girls over fat ones?

Well, she's there, fat ones aren't. But that's not really my point. We should focus on the things you say, because that's where problems arise.

Give me more examples of how you reaction or how you interact.

I'm beginning to truly hate my own mum. She's ignorant (lacking knowledge or awareness in general) and pig-headed.

Here's an example of the kind of things she does: She recently gave my nieces phone number to her alcoholic, abusive father (from whom my sister is divorced from, a guy I had to beat up TWICE) without her permission and sees nothing wrong with this. She is also acting confused as to why my niece no longer visits her, or why my sister and me spend no more than the bare minimum amount of time with her.

I want to believe that she's just stupid or naive but I can't see how she could be this stupid and have managed to raise 2 kids by herself.

I've tried to reason with her about her behaviour but she just talks a pile of nonsense to defend herself and ignores reason. I want to scream at her.

I can see why my father divorced her, if I wasn't her son I would not associate with this woman on any level.

>>36668160
>The appropriate reaction is, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it's nothing too bad. Same day next week if you're feeling better?"
This was actually what followed my message. I don't know, maybe I picked the wrong example here.

>>36668179
>We should focus on the things you say, because that's where problems arise.
I don't know, that's a very broad question. Can you specify what are you exactly interested in?

>Give me more examples of how you reaction or how you interact.
In what situation?

>>36668233

Put the name in the wrong field

>>36668233

I'll get some flakk for it but your mother sounds like a narcissist.

- doing things without people's permission, showing a blatant disregard for other people's boundaries

- has a child who associates with abusive types

- no understanding of obvious human relations

- disregard for reason

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

>>36668277
>I don't know, that's a very broad question. Can you specify what are you exactly interested in?

Any kind of sentence you remember telling people in that context.

>>36668318
>Any kind of sentence you remember telling people in that context.
In context of my standards?

>>36668383

No: a woman says something, you say something back, or vice versa. That kind of examples.

>>36668428
Just in general? It's kinda hard to give examples like that honestly. But I usually just make regular conversations, as I would with any other person really. I often do it in a joking manner, as I joke a lot really, so I guess it can't be that bad, especially if I usually see smile on their faces.

>>36668293

What you write seems to apply more to her than the content of the article (not saying you're wrong though)

I'm honestly finding it very hard to tolerate her behaviour (currently "playing a role" and hating it)

How do I deal with her?, I don't live with her but for financial reasons ghosting isn't an option.

>>36664702
Morning Nick. Running quite early today.

>>36668489

Do you have actual screenshots?

>>36668498

The article is for more overt narcs, what I listed is what I found in your post that correlates with usual narcissists.

You need to protect yourself and the people you care about. That means putting down some very clear limits and making sure they're respected.

What I personally did was to limit communication to the written word. Read about narcs a lot, see what you can find. Your mother won't change.

>>36668503

Been here for hours now. I hope you're doing OK.

>>36668293

I should also add that I'm 99% sure my sisters behaviour turned her husband into an alcoholic. Heres her general M.O., unchanged since she was a teen

Sister: I have an opinion and it's right
Me: Your opinion is wrong and here's the indisputable facts as to why it's wrong
Sister: "insults and shaming"

As you can imagine my mum and my sister teamed up on me a lot during conversations. Nowadays I try not to engage them in any discussions and stick to general smalltalk.

>>36668583
Well enough. Realized I've fucked my back, think I dislocated a rib and not just bruised it like I first thought. Can't afford to get it checked out either

>>36668595

See narcissistic abuse. Your sister may have turned to the dark side of the Norce (narc force, norce, fuck it).

It's so typical I call it narcissistic rhetoric. Its typical ingredients inlude:

- shifting the focus to you: what you say, how you say it, what you mean by it, etc, anything but responding to the point

- ad hominems, various insults

- guilt-tripping, "If you liked me you'd never say that," "I can't believe you said this!"

- reframing what they said to downplay it

- strawmanning your ass out the window

and way more

>>36668595
>Nowadays I try not to engage them in any discussions and stick to general smalltalk.

Exactly that I did for 15 years. Now I don't speak to the fuckers anymore; they're allowed to write and I respond, no bullshit.

My "caring mother" still needs 3 weeks on average to respond. I made her notice that saying she's very concerned about me and needing 3 weeks to write a medium-sized Facebook post don't go together.

Never abandon reason and logic, because they will try to make you do it.

>>36668670

Damn, practice was hardcore?

No family doctor?

>>36668724
Did Tai Juitsu tosses Friday. Sensei used me as the practice dummy to demonstrate techniques to the 12-15 year olds. I thought my back was just sore yesterday. Today it is just a little ball of pain to the right of my spine, right behind my lung. And can'r afford doctor, insurance is fucking worthless but still have to pay for it.

>>36668918
How much would a trip to the doctor cost?

>>36668957
Last time I went was 2012, PT for elbow injury. Cost $1200 to walk through the door(FUCK CARILLION), the PT was $500.

>>36669011
>Cost $1200 to walk through the door(FUCK CARILLION), the PT was $500.

What the fuck?

How badly injured were you?

>>36669023
I was simply going for physical therapy on my elbow to make it usable, had lost 97% of the outer elbow ligament. Couldn't afford the surgery to repair it (Tommy John's surgery, most baseball pitchers get it done). That's a $30000 surgery on no insurance back then.

>>36669080

Pretty insane. Meditate on this: the English have free healthcare. Free.

>>36669095
The trade-off is long wait times and lower quality of care.

>>36669148

I'll wait in line for 30'000 bucks.

>>36669095
If only nigel had free dental as well :^) But seriously I know our system sucks. I just don't have the $$$ to lean on politicians to get shit done.

>>36669156
I also kind of don't trust the government that much, so I gladly pay out of pocket for healthcare so they don't get their hands on my medical records. That's also why I haven't really used the VA.

>be child
>realize how stupid normies are
>realize if i don't become normie, ill be alone
>tell myself it's worth it
>be 20 now
>i made the wrong decision

>>36669285
>ex military
>doesn't trust government
Checks out. Nobody I know that served trusts the govt.

>>36669358
Plus I like being hasguns and don't want some random bureaucrat deciding I don't "deserve" that right over something I'm already in treatment for.

>>36668544
No. I deleted all my conversations with those girls. Wouldn't help you anyway, because I'm not english native.

>>36669427
Exactly. If only our rights really were SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED

Hey. I don't know what to do but I think I had a psychotic break from nonstop stress. I completely lost my mind. Since it happened I've cut off all human contact and I'm hiding in my room. I haven't eaten in days. I'm trying to watch light hearted stuff and trying to find anything to help me forget I exist but I cannot feel pleasure or focus on anything but this poisonous feeling. The police were called on me. I broke down and became openly homicidal and suicidal and maniacal. I was just talking in a normal conversation and someone asked me how I was doing. I haven't cried in many years and for some reason I instantly broke down. I feel like I somehow traumatized myself and now I'm broken. It felt like I got possessed and I can't remember most of what I said and did. The parts I do remember are haunting and scaring me. I'm thinking about going to the psych ward but I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'm a lost cause.

>>36669682
what kinda nonstop stress are you talking about ?

>>36669682

You most likely dissociated. You need help, serious help, as soon as possible.

Contact someone soon and explain everything.

Will you do that?

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>>36665391
this is me:
>>36669682

>>36669759
I don't want to talk about that right now very much. I'll say it's environmental stress. Feeling helpless.

>>36669789
Who do I contact?

>>36669682
As someone else mentioned, that sounds a lot like dissociation, which could be caused by stress. If it got that bag, definitely seek help.

>>36669907
actually, if you talk about it, maybe we can help you minimize that stress.

>>36669907
>Who do I contact?

If you're American, you can go to Psychologytoday.com and find a therapist in your town.

You can also go to the ER for something like this, I imagine.

>>36669952
>which could be caused by stress.

It is caused by stress, in a form or another.

>>36669907
>>36669958
This.

Plus some psychiatric hospitals will have sort of an ER, which is far better to go to than a regular ER, since those often tend to look down on psychiatric problems.

>>36670058

I wasn't sure about that, but maybe.

Anon, use the Internet, look up the nearest psychiatric help you can find and call them.

>>36670024
Since none of us are professionals seeing him in person, we can't exactly rule out psychosis.

>>36670088

I didn't rule it out, I said dissociation is always caused by stress, it's a mechanical thing.

Psychosis is something else, but possible too.

>>36670146
I guess I also seem to have an aversion to using absolutes like "a causes b," even if it's true.

>>36669986
I don't have healthcare or any independent income. I don't have ID. I don't know how to drive. My family is still paying off ambulance and ER bills from other mental breakdowns and suicide attempts I had when I was young. I don't want to stack on more trouble. I don't have any resources and it feels very daunting. My experiences in the mental health system are very bad. People are saying I should seek help, but does there exist people that can really help? I don't want to burden others by asking for help. Last time they treated me bad at the ER.

>>36670230

Same here usually, but in the case of dissociation, it's a brain mechanism intended to release pressure from anxiety, resulting in a disconnect from your experience of consciousness. It's a great help to know what actually goes on in your head when it happens, it helps understanding and separating the events into something that makes more sense. It's disturbing enough as it is without knowing what's going on.

I don't like simplifications otherwise, but sometimes it's helpful until further notice.

>>36670254

Are you aware of a psychiatric anything near you? Could you take a bus there?

How come you don't have any ID or insurance?

Yes, there are people who can help, psychiatrists and psychotherapists.

>>36670291
giving something a name makes it less unknown, therefore less frightening

>>36670254
It may seem hopeless right now, but there are people who can help, and from what you've described you could really benefit from it, especially with the history you've described. I also can more than understand a reluctance to avoid the ER, since I personally have never had a decent experience with an er for psych issues.

And if it helps, most therapists will take financial difficulties into account when discussing paying for therapy.

>>36670340

It also allows you to think about it as something separate from your experience and makes you aware that you're not alone, others had it too. This always helps.

>>36670363
Exactly. The two most terrifying things are the unknown and being alone. Barring phobias of course

Announcement.

I have to work for some time. I expect this week to be worse than the previous one.

Things are going to get a whole lot worse if I go by the general trend. Should I show no sign of life for some time, wait at least 3 weeks before worrying, as that's the amount of time a clinic would take me, though I'd find a way to let some of you know.

The future is dark.

See you later.

>>36670254
It's difficult for me to believe you are having anything like nonstop stress. and what is environmental stress? you have to explain what is causing you this much stress, so that we may know how to help you

>>36670533
>It's difficult for me to believe you are having anything like nonstop stress

Not hard for me to believe. See C-PTSD.

>>36670502
Nick we will be here for you when you need us. Just say the word.

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>>36665391
PTSD ended up being so high because I answered that I had witnessed a trauma that happened to a friend, but I wasn't affected by it but there was no option to implicate that.

>no friendships fulfilling
>feel no connection
>even asmr doesn't help fill the gap anymore
>tfw girls are showing mild interest, which is more than usual, but the prospect doesn't excite at all anymore
>tfw loneliness intensifies

>>36670088
My father and grandmother are schizophrenic. It might be? It felt like another personality took control of me and I didn't know who I was. It felt like different people were coming in and out by the second and fighting for control so my voice was scary and contorted. I was going from telling them it's not me, to telling them to go away because I'd hurt them, to crying and laughing psychotically and pacing around. I felt helpless. I have also been having trouble with pathological lying and have been saying downright impossible stuff that doesn't make any sense. It reminded me of that one Charles Manson clip, except it wouldn't stop. My heart felt like it was getting stabbed and that I was having a heart attack. Usually I am completely despondent and can't even make eye contact. I was diagnosed with depersonalization as a kid. My parents took me to a therapist once and they never made any progress. Every session was just them talking about how we couldn't make progress due to my coping mechanism and I completely shut down.

I'm finding it hard to type now. I am in physical pain.

>>36670831
If you have a history of dissociation than I would definitely lean towards that being the reason for it. But you definitely need a professional to help. One who specializes in trauma and dissociation would be ideal.

>>36670831
well if youre schizophrenic, it means you're going to hear things or see things that many other people say it isn't real, from what you wrote it doesn't seem that you have this condition.
you sound very much like you're dissociating, like everyone else is saying. i have had a toned down experience of what you are going through and i can say it is most definitely dissociation.
to start helping yourself, try to eliminate the source of stress, or tone it down. if you can't eliminate it yourself, get other people to help, there are many nice and understanding people out there whom are ready to help you. do you have a family or friends nearby? ask for help and explain to them what is exactly stressing you, or you can talk about it here and we will help you

I hate life so much...but that's because I hate myself. I keep wondering, why couldn't I be a cute girl? Why couldn't I be attractive or have a special touch of my own?

I'm a guy, life sucks because my mentality and personality do not fit my body. Fiction and Art can only do so much to appease me and transitioning isn't worth it. The fantasy is nice, reality is horrible. I'm doing an extra long shift at work I'm begging you for some motivation. Please help a nice, loving and friendly bro. I'm really honest, take care of family and pay my taxes.

>>36670649

I tend to think I'm beyond help at this point. But I appreciate your concern. It means a lot to me.

>>36671261
You'll never be alone. We're with you. I just read your posts. Hang in there brother.

>>36670893

Could be Borderline mood instability.

Getting dizzy here. And I still have to do some work. This week's off to a good start. I predict fainting in the classroom. I'm taking a vomit bag in any case. Couldn't hide the nausea from one class, they'll notice it happens often. I'll just joke that I'm pregnant.

Remind me of you, blue.

>>36670831

Intense.

What kind of parental behaviour made you suffer as a kid?

>>36671153

You don't have to be nice to deserve help. You deserve help. We're here.

Tell me more about yourself.

>>36671261
You're only beyond help if you Believe yourself to be. I was, until YOU showed me differently. So I'm going to be here every day until I help you make it through this, whether you like it or not!

>>36671688

I appreciate it. I see my therapist tomorrow.

>>36671261
Does that mean you think some of us are beyond help as well, then?

>>36671753

So far as I have seen, no. My situation isn't mental only. I see no future for myself.

>>36671459
23 yo, work a job that pays well but isn't really for me. I use it to fund my career as a game designer. I have depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and OCD to name a few. I've had an abusive past, severe. Had to be homeschooled due to extreme bullying. I'm what's left of a happy, cheerful and innocent child.

Hey I think things worked with him for the most part and I didn't need the paper, thanks. I think me clarifying helped him a bit, not that he likes it but he understands more I guess
I'm hanging out with my mom for a while

>>36671831
>as a game designer.

Really? Colour me interested.

I'm sorry about your past. Have you been in therapy?

>>36671922
>not that he likes it
What happened?
>>36671736
I hope your therapist can help. I wish I could, you've done so much for me

>>36671941
Been in therapy since my first suicidal breakdown in fourth grade.

>>36671956
I mean not that he likes not having sex

>>36671831
>I'm what's left of a happy, cheerful and innocent child.
Aren't we all?

>>36671941
And by the way, yes, for real.

>>36671922

Good news.

32 seconds because this comment wasn't original.

>>36671956
>I wish I could, you've done so much for me

I haven't done all that much. It probably helped me more than it helped anyone else.

>>36671989

I was going to make that exact comment originally. Deep.

>>36672005

What kind of work did you do on games? And what games? Anything I'd know?

Sup, Nick.

>>36672101

Reaching new lows.

I confess I don't recall your situation, though I recall your name.

>>36672075
We're still working on our first game me and my team. I'm the lead of the team. Since we've not released anything publicly yet, chances are too slim you've heard of us. I started as a story writer and became programmer through years.

>>36672162

That's pretty cool. One of my dreams was to have my own team of developers for a bunch of game ideas I had. That implied suddenly being rich, though, so there's that.

What kind of game are you working on?

Have you seen a therapist?

>>36672055
May not seem like it to you
>>36671988
While I cannot blame him, on the other hand if sex is all he'a after I'd drop him

>>36672252
If you want to start your own thing, be sure to be a programmer. The project I was originally the writer for got cancelled and the demo was not publicly released. Because I couldn't program, I couldn't take te project in my own hands to save it. The frustration led me to learn programming.

I'm working an action-RPG game for PC.

I have seen therapists almost my whole life but most were useless.

>>36672335
>I have seen therapists almost my whole life but most were useless.

Tell me more about that.

Not to blow my own cock, but I've heard more than once that I, a humble amateur, helped more than licensed therapists (both from people online and offline, including my own students).

I'm interested in how others fails, so that I may succeed where they did not.

>>36672130

It's for the best, getting to the root of my problem won't solve anything. I accept myself.

>>36672448

I beg to differ. Just remind me, succinctly, and I'll remember. I just need to connect the name to the issues.

>>36672446
All they did was listen but were too ignorant of the modern world to really understand me and my perspective, therefore they could not give me advice.

Hey Nick, maybe you can help me..

I've got a friend that appears to be having paranoid delusions. He got really mad at me one day because I had some recollection of a girl going to our highschool and he was certain that she did not. He got really mad, like you would have thought I just fucked his wife. So some time goes on, and I hear from his father that he thinks I gor raped by this dude we both used to work with, which is entirely untrue. So even more time goes on, and he finds some post on reddit about this girl who apparently got molested in highschool. Turns out it was a girl we went to highschool with, and he's certain it was me and some other friends that gang raped her or something. So he's been trying to reach out to her to save her from her abusive boyfriend, and to make up for my alleged misdeeds. He's even gone as far as to post up outside her house. Mind you, she hasn't responded to any of his correspondence. For some reason, he's been trying to get me fired from my job, break up my relationship with my fiance, and thinks I'm out to get him. He also thinks that girl from reddit's boyfriend has been stalking him. I know I threw a lot out there, but he's my oldest and dearest friend, I dont know what I can do to help. I'm not even mad, but these rumours going around about being raped and raping are causing me a lot of distress. He has schizo effective in his family, with 3 brothers confirmed as diagnosed.

Also, I have bpd and my mom is a narc

>>36672482

I don't want to do anything with my life and would kill myself painlessly if given the option.

>>36672496

Damn... When you talk with him, how does he justify his beliefs? Is he aware that he's making stuff up?

Does he have any reason to resent you? Including jealousy and such.

Yo Nick.

Can someone have c-ptsd if they didn't experience your typical form of abuse? Just isolation, inadequate support from parents/friends, lame stuff like that. No actual abuse.

>>36672535

https://www.depression-anxiety-stress-test.org/take-the-test.html

Do this and

https://www.psychologytoday.com/tests/health/mental-health-assessment

that.

>>36672600
>Can someone have c-ptsd if they didn't experience your typical form of abuse?

Yes, that's my own case, and I didn't realise until a few months ago only. I was never penetrated nor quite molested, and never beaten with fists, but my abuse was all over the place in terms of kinds.

>Just isolation, inadequate support from parents/friends, lame stuff like that. No actual abuse.

This is actual abuse, and in most cases, it's just as bad, and often worse, than sexual abuse or obvious physical abuse, because with this type of abuse, you don't even think you were abused, which makes you hate yourself and feel guilty of what others did. Mental abuse from narcs is vicious because of this. Many people never see it through their entire lives.

Read this:

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse

Just to make sure you understand how varied abuse is.

When a child doesn't get the emotional support he needs to grow, the effects can be absolutely severe.

>>36672599
We've been good friends for about 15 years... If he is jealous, he'd never admit it, but I'm sure there is some there. As far as I know, he's a virgin, and I've been very successful sexually. I even have two children. He claims to have lost his virginity in europe on a trip, but me and everyone else knows it's bullshit. He's always tried to be overmasculine around me at times, bit I generally don't engage unless he pushes the wrong button, then I would bring up his lack of sexual success. This has never been a big deal between us by the way, or maybe it has been to him behind closed doors. Also, I left a lot out, but he thinks I try and sabotage his chance with any girl we come into contact with, even though I'm in a relationship, and I can tell you its not true. I can also confirm that he believes these things, and he's not just making them up out od malice.

>>36672718

I thought maybe he had a beef with you about something. That could be the fuel to his fire.

Is he treated?

>>36672761
No, he refuses to even see anyone. He's also a chronic drug abuser, but he supposedly been clean for a while except for weed, so its hard to tell if thats a factor or not. His father is on the cusp of having him sectioned, and I dont want to see that happen.

>>36672674
I dunno man. It feels like a lot of the times I'm just self-victimizing all this shit. Like I actually grew up in a nice neighborhood and went to good schools but I was just ostracized multiple times because reasons.

But then when I think back there were 'signs'. Like I remember habitually not answering when spoken to for whatever reason.

It's so fucking lame. I think about people who were much less fortunate than me and they grew up just fine but I'm just this privileged wuss.

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>>36672613

I did the first once the last time I was in thread >>36568145

>>36672829

Heartbreaking situation. It may be for the best for him to get properly taken care. He badly needs it.

>>36665707
>makes life not worth living.
Does this persist through every moment in the entire day? What is it like if you laugh nowadays? Is that still pleasurable?
>Being abandoned makes me feel like I'm on death row essentially.
What constitutes abandonment in your mind?

>>36672937
>I'm just self-victimizing all this shit.

That's the trap. I did the same for years.

>but I'm just this privileged wuss.

You weren't. Material wealth is not as important as First Worlders believe. You were raised in a way that has heavy consequences for you. Material comfort is nothing if your mind is so fucked that you can't enjoy any of it. It's Midas' gift: everything you touch is gold, great, but you can't fucking eat anymore because that too turns to gold, and you can't eat gold, so you die.

No point in being cozy if your soul is being murdered day after day.

I too grew up in comfort, which I didn't even realise was comfort, but I would have traded my childhood house for a mother who'd read stories to me because she enjoyed my presence rather than one who recorded herself on tapes so she could watch TV instead and re-use the tapes ad nauseam.

>>36673021

That's actually pretty good, on the whole. Are you surprised by these results?

>>36673046
The worst part is that I work for his family, so every little rumor he starts, I have to address. One of the newer ones is that I've apparently been using meth. I'm a recovering addict, so people believe that there could be some credence to this. Meth was never my drug of choice though. Luckily, I get weekly drugtests to dispel any rumors that I'm off the wagon.

>>36673302

To be honest with you I don't know what any of it means.

>>36673147
>Does this persist through every moment in the entire day?

No. That's the thing: it's so fucking volatile it makes me feel insane. Tomorrow, as I speak to my therapist, the same fucking thing will happen again: I'll gradually become more alive, and feel better, almost elated, whereas right now I want to die. I can't trust my feelings about anything, be it attachment or my opinion on living and life.

>What is it like if you laugh nowadays?

I haven't laughed since LO left. Ninja anon is funny but yeah, real laughter, not in a long, long time.

>What constitutes abandonment in your mind?

When people decide you no longer exist in their lives. When you're ignored by them, when they leave you physically, for good.

>>36673342

Don't people get the idea by now? Don't they understand he just slanders you?

>>36673439

You'd do well to read on these things, but in short, you have some depression issues, clearly, but most of the rest is down.

If you have any question, I'll respond, about the results.

>>36673278
>recorded herself on tapes so she could watch TV instead and re-use the tapes ad nauseam

Are you speaking from experience? that sounds horrible

It's been like this for me for too long though. I actually romanticize depressing shit. I'm fucked beyond help.

>>36673476
>When people decide you no longer exist in their lives. When you're ignored by them, when they leave you physically, for good.
I'm assuming this doesn't apply to cashiers or waiters you meet and lose contact with. So how many ties are left that could even be severed? Can you imagine having no attachment to any humans? What if you went into total isolation, like an solo astronaut on Mars? Would your mind rend itself and finally end you?

>>36673563

Ah, I knew that already. I was diagnosed, institutionalized & diagnosed for depressive disorder.

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Extreme dizziness here. I'm sitting, but it feels like I could faint. Fucking hell.

My thread is becoming ridiculous: how can I offer help of I'm apparently more fucked up than the people I offer to help?

"Sorry, can't be useful right now, might faint within minutes."

>>36673593
>Are you speaking from experience? that sounds horrible

Yes. My brother and I would have a tape and the right book. The tape told us when to turn the page.

>>36673529
Yeah, but I've done plenty of fucked up things in the past, so I can only blame myself for others wondering if they're true. They all blow over prettt quickly, but its tedious to hear about these things every other day.

>>36673737

Did they find the cause of your depression?

I believe depression is always a symptom of something else, not really a condition in its own right.

>>36673476
>When people decide you no longer exist in their lives. When you're ignored by them, when they leave you physically, for good
I know this feel. How do I get over my abandonment and self esteem issues? Every woman I've been with, admittedly only two, have both cheated on me and left me. After today's meditations I've realized this is the source of me being insecure and also my abandonment issues. How do I get over this?

>>36673753
Don't worry, you aren't really helping anyone anyway because you are an armchair psychologist with an inflated ego telling NEETS what they want to hear.

>>36673846

You need to find better women. And have more assured self-value. Don't assume these women's behaviour is a statement about your worth.

>>36673753
Its ok Nick take your time.

>>36673858

Anon, you have reached a new low and I'm genuinely impressed you went there. You should be ashamed.

>>36673753
This thread has always served the dual purposes of keeping you as sane as possible while also providing aid to other anons with less severe problems. It's the way it has to be. Mutual benefit, even if it's just the fact that you are available to listen and respond without judgment. Thas been the value of your threads from the beginning, Nick.

>>36673908
It's not a new low, it's so removed from anything that occurs here that I'm surprised it bothers you at all.

>>36673822

Nah, they just gave me pills and said to go outside once in a while. While I have considered my shitty diet and sedentary lifestyle to be the cause of my depression I simply do not care and will not do anything to change it. When the day comes when I'm too tired to exist I will kill myself instead of just saying I want to.

>>36673991

I'm not bothered on a personal level. I just find it sad and disappointing that the slightest weakness is used. That guy has no honor, and I'd be sorry to be him.

>>36674059

You don't get depression from those things. There must be something deeper, but they obviously didn't care.

Do you see anything as the obvious source?

If not, what's your worst childhood memory?

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>have high school graduation exams soon
>mad anxiety and insomnia due to fear of going retard on the finals and not getting accepted into my uni
>have a burning passion for physics but applied for med school because my parents are doctors and I dread the thought of teaching physics to some edgy teenagers
>used to spend a lot of time with a girl, talking with her about space and time and life
>loved her so much it hurt sometimes and she loved me too
>we both have a lot of schoolwork so no relationship happened
>started acting mean to her and pushed her out of my life in january despite the fact that we loved each other because it hurt too much just being friends and I feared I would dissappoint her eventually
>been lifting for three years but have stagnated lately because of absence of sleep combined with having anxiety of not getting the 90% required on my exams

Please tell me it's going to be ok, lads.
I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

>>36674423

You sabotaged yourself with that girl.

Being a doctor is a good job, and you can always study physics on the side later on, you know?

>>36674423
We can't know that it will be ok, but it likely will. How would you have disappointed her? Do you want her back in your life even if you know friendship is as much as you can hope for?

Hello everybody, how are you all?

>>36673753
Please stop pushing yourself if you're feeling that unwell. If you're feeling bad enough to not be able to answer everyone, then don't. Others in the thread will try for you.

>>36674118

Well if it's not those things then I have no clue. No traumatic events have happened in my life, the worst thing I can think of is going to school for the first time.

>>36674516

Not being occupied with the thread would likely make things worse. At least I'm not completely alone as long as I'm here.

>>36674553

How are your parents?

As expected, this was not an original comment. I do ask this a lot, after all.

Gimme some psych tests to do, c'mon.

>>36673886
>find better women
I can't. I don't drink and hate being around drunk people, so bars are out. No social media so don't meet people online, and there is nothing happening within 50 miles of where I live except for the Back of the Dragon, which is a no-go for me for the obvious reason.
>Don't assume these women's behaviour is a statement about your worth
The only people who approached me for a relationship (they approached me, I didn't approach them, never been confident) were so sick of me that before we split they fucked around behind my back.
Yeah okay.

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>>36666380
>>36666480
This isn't just any darkness, this is A D V A N C E D D A R K N E S S

>>36674639
>No social media so don't meet people online,

Don't you have eDarling over there?

>were so sick of me

Are you sure that's the reason?

>>36674423
If you're up for it, want to tell me your opinions on some physics stuff? Do you understand the physics of neuroimaging well enough to have any predictions on future avenues for improvement in resolution?

>>36674642

Ashley?

Interesting.

>>36674693
No

oregano29929494

>>36674574
If you like talking to us but find answering everybody difficult, open one of those bar threads instead of one of these, if you want to. Those are a lot more relaxed.

In any case, I've had a nice day today. Just got home from delivering Rob his biweekly flowers, after my final day of my job. That one coworker I didn't get along with was a lot nicer today, and after work talked to me a while, apologised, and invited me to his house for dinner next week. It seems sudden, but I know it's wrong to be suspicious of something so nice. I'm sure my other coworkers just talked to him. What do you think?

>>36674625
http://socrates.berkeley.edu/~kihlstrm//ConsciousnessWeb/Meditation/CFQ.htm
ageru yo

>>36674603

Dad is a hardworking immigrant who tried his best and mother was always in and out of hospitals and has anxiety and what I think was bipolar disorder, she's better now and tries to be a caring mother.

>>36674733
>If you like talking to us but find answering everybody difficult, open one of those bar threads instead of one of these, if you want to. Those are a lot more relaxed.

9 hours ago I was more OK. On weekends, the thread is nevery very busy.

>>36674733
>delivering Rob his biweekly flowers,

You do this twice a week? Y-you do this...

>>36674733
>coworker I didn't get along with was a lot nicer today, and after work talked to me a while, apologised, and invited me to his house for dinner next week. I

Damn... If you go with your boyfriend, sure. The sudden turn of things is weird, however.

If it was anywhere else, sure, but to his house, I don't know. Maybe he means it and all, but I wouldn't take the risk.

Maybe I'm getting paranoid, though. I don't want you to go there alone.

It's weird. Maybe he really was your tsundere.

>>36674806

Cool, new to me. On it.

>>36674671
>eDarling
What?
>Are you sure that's the reason?
Absolutely not. But the only constants in the equation of my relationships are me, the fact that they approached me first, and eventually cheated on me. One was oldest child stacked outgoing redhead band girl raised by a single mother, other was my friends sister, shy petite blonde artsy tomboy from a good two-parent home life. They were nothing alike, except they both decided I wasn't worth it.

>>36674816
>and has anxiety and what I think was bipolar disorder,

Describe her behaviour and problems, with examples.

>>36674934

How did you find out?

Did they tell you?