Anyone else here hopelessly addicted to drugs? I feel like I'm

I've been addicted to benzos for around 4 years now, I think I'll an hero soon

>>36664633
what are the withdraws from that like? anything like opiates/heroin? I used to be content just taking a couple methadone or percocet, now I straight up shoot dope into my arms. Why the fuck did I become like this? Was it because I had to take oxy for a year when I had cancer? Was it because I don't lack any ambition past chain smoking and sitting on the computer all day? I haven't even had a job since last spring, and before that it was 5 years. I think I'm going to an hero soon too. I'm thinking hooking a hose up to my tail pipe and asphyxiating in my car would be peaceful

>heroin
Was addicted to opis for 2 years, starting using frequency to deal with working

Started with tramadol, oxy, codeine and PST then moved onto heroin for 8 months before going to detox and getting clean for a month or so, relapsing, then quitting cold turkey for months. For a few months now I've been using off and on but its getting bad again and the withdrawals are getting bad between uses

I'm getting more tomorrow and I can't wait, I feel like shut atm

At least I've been dealing with anxiety better lately which used to have a huge effect on me. I reluctantly stopped using benzos which I think are worse than heroin for my mental health.

I do love getting high though. I don't think I'll ever get completely clean

>>36664593
opiates are my life desu

>>36664593
I'm addicted to getting high on weed. It's nothing like a heroin addiction but it certainly has a grasp on me.

>>36664691
>I'm thinking hooking a hose up to my tail pipe and asphyxiating in my car would be peaceful

that's kind of how I'd like to go, just make sure to get really fucked up first

>>36664722
I feel like you.. I really don't think I'll ever get clean. I feel like this shit will ruin my life unless it can just become legal so I can buy my fix at the store for a lot cheaper and it won't ruin my life.

It's like the Govt uses this shit to weed out people and earn black funds from illegal drug sale revenue. If the govt wanted these mexican cartels and gangs to go away they'd just make all drugs legal, if people are going to be too stupid and OD then fine, natural selection. It's just wrong that we're punished for having these addictions. Especially when they were brought on by drugs prescribed to you the legal way.

I did some zapain once but then I stopped because I ran out

>>36664746
Any addiction can be tough to kick, the psychological addiction is actually worse than physical addiction since it can be a life long battle.

Though physical withdrawals are scary af and are always a daunting thought with opis/benz/alcohol

>>36664765
That's exactly my plan. 275ml vodka, 1/2 gram of dope, peaceful favorite music, a cigar, and a bed made from folding the back seat to the trunk down. I'll just drive it way up to a mountain where I wouldn't be found for days. Send apology texts to certain loved ones, fuck yous to hated ones... I don't know why I'm not doing this already. I get some money on the 5th so I might just do it then, spring makes for beautiful scenery too.

I really hope there is a heaven and that I'm going there, I've been very nice to fellow life forms on this planet

>>36664746
I can easily get addicted to everything. Have moderate alkie addiction, smoke ciggies and drink coffee. But weed is my drug of choice since it's just sooo safe in comparisson with everything else. And the people who just smoke are generally okay.

>>36664816
There's no heaven, you fucking faggot. Don't kill yourself deliberately, you fucking imbecile. Just live in a way that'll kill you anyway. No need to rush, we're all going to die anyway. That's the only certainty in life.

>>36664821
I wish I could just smoke weed. I think I'm past the point of no return though. My teeth are going to shit, my health is fucked, cant even shovel a little snow without almost passing out from poor endurance

>>36664856
You're just not smoking enough. Rip a bong with some dank as kush and smoke until you physically can't anymore. You won't be thinking about your other drug of choice. Ofcoarse this is only a temporary solution.

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>>36664855
What difference does it make whether I rush it or not? If there really is no heaven then the end result is the same, no? Why live just for the sake of living, breathing, eating, shitting and sleeping if most of it will just be self loathing and hatred for the world?

>>36664891
I really wish I could do that, smoking too much freaks me the fuck out, I can't explain it but it's just too intense, it's terrifying.

Im also hopelessly addicted. I've tried quitting time and time again.

Ive read about NA meetings and have been close to going.

Wish I could go to rehab but I have no way of affording it. I also dont get what Id do when it was over.. Id have lost my job, lost my apartment...

Wish I could figure out something.

>>36664894
>What difference does it make whether I rush it or not?
Dunno. I'm just greedy I guess. If I can live longer why not? It's free. And there's always hope that tomorrow I'll find a purpose in life.
I guess life is not inherently better than death, it's just I'm curious what the next day brings.

>>36664901
That's the appeal for me. Get so terrified of bullshit, you know is bullshit, that you forget about the real anxiety in your life. It's counterintuitive but that's how it works for me.

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>>36664933
That's the point here. That's the appeal to YOU. It does the opposite for me. The real anxiety in my life is amplified and much more apparent. When I get way too high, I introspect on my life so much and it makes me sick. It makes me ashamed to be living, an insult to my family that all have their shit together, with careers, children, purpose. I'm sitting here jobless, doing heroin with my girlfriend and smoking so many cigarettes that I should have theoretically gotten lung cancer twice by now. I'm a miserable worthless fuck and I would never say it out loud or even on /b/. The only place I even feel comfortable saying it is here because you guys are pretty much worthless fucks too.

>I dont see how you guys haven't an hero'd either

>>36664992
>When I get way too high, I introspect on my life so much and it makes me sick. It makes me ashamed to be living, an insult to my family that all have their shit together, with careers, children, purpose.
Dunno what to tell you man. I do that shit too but much much more when I'm not high. When I get high it's like I'm a different person. Once I feel that introspection setting in I just smoke more and it goes away for a while. Then I have to smoke again. I'm fucking addicted to that shit.

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any fellow /speedfreaks/ here?

>relapsed a few days ago
>really, really wish I had some more
>I'd be able to get all my work done
>and talk to people
>end up hating myself when I do use now
>feel like I'm going to die
>still want more after it's all over