Who else used to have a great and spontaneous personality but

Me too, bro.

I don't label myself as depressed, that's ungrateful. Despite that, my personality has vanished during the past 10 years. Both due to physical abuse of my body (not enough food) and mental abuse (I went 6 months just lying in bed without pursuing any mental activity). My brain must be all shriveled up now and together with the cynical view on life I have it's irreversibly damaged.

You know what hurts the most? Trying and seeing how you can't. Seeing your conversational partner say something and thinking to yourself "oh, I could have come up with that".

>>36572308


I know how you feel anon. I used to get along with people easily, although I always was reserved. I do not know whether I could describe my personallity as great back then, but it was certainly better than it is now.
I think I got too much into this whole "gotta be a grown man now" affair. The end result ended up being more childish than my old airheaded self. Instead of wasting my days away on purpose and sometimes doing stuff when I feel like it, I am now forcing myself to do things and then end up completely unable to do anything but delve into my degenerate addictions.

Maybe it is really as simple as taking a step back and just chill, look over your situation and actually do what you feel like once in a while. It takes a little practice to shut off everything and think about what you want, but it works.

>>36572308


Also 4chan does more damage to your day to day conversations than you might expect. When you spend most of your time here you start subconsciously probing everything you are about to say for some soft spots. Atleast it is what I do nowadays and it leads to me not saying anything in the process. Coming up with random stuff becomes difficult, because you are used to speak on topic.
Leave this site first and foremost and start writting for yourself instead I would say. So you can atleast start to get some order in your own head.

>>36572308
>Who else used to have a great and spontaneous personality but it's been completely consumed my their depression?
I used to be pretty active kid in middle school but then something happened and i became extremely depressed. Now i'm relearning my initial spontaneous personality.

File: 1492766200787-r9k.jpg (6KB, 161x250px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 161x250px

I was constantly picking up on new things and interests as a kid, now even the things I'm used to like vidya feel so boring and unsatisfying that I prefer to waste my time shitposting and/or lying in bed

>>36572607
Right? It's so unhealthy that I'm jealous of almost everyone I talk to, it comes so easy to people.

>>36572872

I have a lot of jealousy, indeed. It's not the classic jealousy where I want them to fail or lose what they have. I just don't want to be reminded of the failure I am. That's why I don't like hearing it.

>>36572621
>Maybe it is really as simple as taking a step back and just chill,
How to do?
The only way I can is with drugs, then I just don't care at all and don't actually evaluate.

>>36572308
My personality has evaporated since high-school, which was when I had friends I would be able to talk to every day.
I used to have a pretty good sense of humor, and could make my entire class laugh, but now I've lost my edge due to lack of human interaction.
Same thing with school performance in general. I was at peak mental and academic performance in 12th grade, where I had 3 AP classes with tons of hw, but It was a breeze for me since I was happy then, and could do endless hw no problem.
Now I have to force myself to do any assignment.
Having no regular human companionship is much worse than you would think when you compare what it's like when you actually do have it.

>>36572872
>>36572910
I feel so jealous and inferior that it usually causes me to cut contact with the person

I used to be a bit of a weirdo but I was at least okay to be around for other weirdos. I had a pretty big group of other drug addict reject buddies, but now I can't bring myself to talk to any of them even if they want to talk to me.

>>36572910
Yea it's the jealousy that just makes you sick of yourself and your mind