Shit

>>36433143
Wat
Originalllyyoo

Well I don't feel that way, most people don't feel they need to kill themselves if they don't necessarily want to. Unless, say, it's a situation where they're going to suffer horribly so they kill themselves to avoid the suffering

Is that how you feel? What has caused you to turn against your biology of wanting to survive?

>>36433209
Have you come to a conclusion about whether you are capable of thriving or not?

i like you anon, your writing is very pleasing to me. it reminds me a lot of stephen king's early books (the good ones)

>>36433230
>it's a situation where they're going to suffer horribly so they kill themselves to avoid the suffering
Wholeheartedly.

The world is not fit to accommodate me, nor I it.

It's a super stupid simple string of tragically moralistic and minimalisic logic.

I like to think I know what I want out of life.
but I don't.
All I know is what I DON'T want.
And what does not please me anymore.

It's binary.
An immature hedonisic litmus test for existing.

The things I want and how I want to exist are not feasible.

Not without taking a toll on my sanity by way of some intrinsic restlessness fueled by guilt.

>>36433143
>not really want to kill themselve

You're not going to be able to unless you really feel passionately about it

An heroing isn't something you just go because you feel like life is pointless or something. It takes a great deal of passion and determination to overcome your natural survival instincts.

Just know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

>>36433263
Thanks.
Pic OP is apparently someones adaptation of the Frankenstein monster based off the original novel description.

I like it because it doesn't look like the meme monster you're used to.

It really does look like the morally botched experiment of a madman playing god. A horrific motley reanimated corpse.

Not something I would be too guilty about fleeing from or trying to kill just out of spite of its grotesque appearance.

Which makes it sadder when you remember how intelligent it was supposed to have been.

Last night I spent 2 hours making note about something in my dreams marked a drastic change in reality.

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>>36433143
This is how I feel.
I want to live.
God, do I ever want to live.
I want to get married and have kids and I want to experience road trips and the simple luxuries of a long deep hug. I adore life. I adore watching others live.
But, I've lost everything. I had managed to wear some mask long enough to get friends and for once someone loved me. Just a little while. But I lost it all. I'll never be able to keep it up long enough.
I want to live, but I am not living, I am surviving and surviving is pain. I don't belong and I feel I have little choice of escape.
Yet, even with no hope left my instinct to survive keeps going. It surpasses all ego, directly to the id.
And maybe in my subconscious there's just one little bit of hope that the pain will cease. That I can even feel attachment ever again.
Because, I'm scared to die, but I'm also scared to exist.

>>36433460
>You're not going to be able to unless you really feel passionately about it
I do though.

I feel passionate about fixing problems.
Living is a problem that keeps on giving.


>An heroing isn't something you just go because you feel like life is pointless
Well. Subjectively it is. If you don't give yourself one.

It can be argued the objective "point" of life is to survive.

As all things do.
To thrive.
Multiplying or reproducing is an option and suggested within the lines of this survival but it is not naturally crucial to it.

As of yet we do not "need" to further bloodlines in our society to create familial clans (again) to act as a whole to protect and provide for our own blood.

When you strip the primal point away, you are free to do whatever.

What I choose to do with that freedom. What I seek to do is nothing more than an infeasible exploitative fantasy.

I am more than NEET at the moment, but the fact there is a term for this behavior would imply it is the antithesis of something.

Maybe I've been too heavily indoctrinated into black and white, good or bad boolean logic.

Everything has an opposite. NEET is stigmatized as the bad choice by the people with all the credibility.

I don't want to do (much of) anything.
Don't even want to prolong my own existence BECAUSE I don't want anything, because I don't want to DO anything.
Each day I get closer to eventually actually having no choice but to do something to extend something that is not fufilling.

Logically I must rectify it.

>Just know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
You dont actually know this.
No one does.

i know how to make nukes

>>36433792
Are you an INTJ, anon?
Originally sadly rationally

>>36433785
Here's the thing. Before I read your post.

I have wanted to experience death a long time before this period.
Out of curiosity.
Like lust for the outer reaches of the unknown.
Not out of negativity. Not despair.


But its different now.
Objectively this conclusion I have drawn is tragic to an onlooker.

Yes.
I want to live to.
I have an ideal life.

But I must die.
Not because I am sad or distraught.

But because I am unqualified.


>I want to live, but I am not living, I am surviving and surviving is pain. I don't belong and I feel I have little choice of escape.
Exactly this.
Maybe I am ignorant to despair that I may have to keep myself clean.

Clean of something I can't quite word.
Right now I am clear.
My death is a remedy, not a failure.

I keep my psyche bald to the fact this may be a tragedy to steel my resolve and apathy for the situation. Like an omniscient observation.

I consider my death as mundane as buying a tie for a job interview.

Buy the tie, might get the job.
End the life, might not exist to feel anything anymore.

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I feel you anon. I think the majority of people's lives, they aren't trying to be happy.

They're just trying to be ok.

We resign ourselves to labor and monotony because it allows us to streamline the hours that pass until our next dopamine reward. For most people, freedom is an illusion projected by scarcity. Maybe some successfully convince themselves that it is all ok, and some are legitimately happy. Most people are slated to just feeling ok or bad almost all the time. But, of course, they push forward for fear of what their life might become if they stop maintaining it.

Even in a time of unrivaled prosperity, our moment to moment life is almost always mediocre at best. The best we can do is convince ourselves that the monotonous moments do not insult our idea of dignity in the human life. A life where every moment matters, and where we are in control of ourselves.

Anyways, regardless, I believe I can push through the mediocre moments until I reach that reward. Maybe it is ultimately futile, but it is literally all there is to fight for. I might as well fight.

>>36433852
I tested p my whole life.
That was the curious phase of death in the past.

I was always jealous of j's because I considered true stoicism a strong character virtue. It is a dependent one, it carries equanimity and perhaps resourcefulness.
But I still had passion, with few outlets. My life did not permit the apathy a j can have.

I had people I didn't have the choice to shut out and practice it.

I changed that.

It isn't about curiosity anymore.
It's about correcting an anomaly.

I don't know if types can change.
But I don't value them like I used to anymore.

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>>36433901
I was like that, too. As a child. I was fascinated with death. I liked to even play with dead things and became very interested in Egyptian history because if perception of death. I also related death to space. Maybe because if references to "the heavens." I imagined death as floating out in space like star (before I studied astronomy and understood the nature of stars).
I also fantasized about being killed but it was all just interest. I don't think I ever originally expected to kill myself but the first time I felt a desire to I was only 8.
Due to a sense of being an alien. I held things to utmost importance that society relied less on but I wanted to believe I could find another alien and perhaps fit together in an unfit world. But that seems unlikely.
I go back and forth on how mundane suicide is to me. Sometimes it's sad but often it's a means to an end.
>>36433975
You feel like a J. I personally shift between J and P myself.

>>36434073
The afterlife used to be interesting to me.
It still is in a way.
The Egyptian send off. The greek styx.

You know when I tried to kill myself the first time in an alley I had stuffed roughly 30 dollars of bills in two currencies in my mouth just in case.

It made my jaw hurt so I stuffed it in my lapel instead.

It was weird.
Even at that point I felt then how I do now.

I said "in a way" because I am afraid of an afterlife.

I am prepared to gamble on oblivion before rerolling a shit reality like this one or worse.
I made peace with myself a long time ago.
Its the world and what it expects me to be is what I do not agree with.

An afterlife might just be another world with rules I don't like.

What if yodo?

>>36433967
>. For most people, freedom is an illusion projected by scarcity.
Could you expand on this?
I think I get the gist but I want to see your whole thought related to it.

I don't wanna misinterpret

>>36433833
Plz bomb new york city.
Im sorry for the non-kombantant casualties

>>36434259
I tried to do it once, too. Empty corridor in a library. I was always fond of libraries.
Yes. The world's morals and ways of doing things I find nearly sickening.
I remember as a child I had a strict idea of right and wrong. A bit obsessed with morals and would even try to correct adults only to hear "Well, anon, EVERYONE does that eventually."
And I'd cry, because what a terrible world to live in where everyone does that.
And I fear that too.
I always think of the film WristCutters, "A world exactly like this except a little more shitty."

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Let me rain down on your parade, web-spinner. Lol at 'foodbaby' and that random fuck at the beginning, I'm hardly overweight like the other guy you all seem to be confusing me with (not that hard to go to his school and look him up on his school's football roster), I don't curse like a fucking sailor unless I'm under heavy stress, I don't pedantically type out things to impress people, and I couldn't care less about horror stories.

>>36433535
Post.
P 0 S T

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>>36434345
>>36434345
>I'm hardly overweight like the other guy you all seem to be confusing me with (not that hard to go to his school and look him up on his school's football roster)
What was post?

Also
>I couldn't care less about horror stories.
You best start.
you re in one

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>>36433143
Check my camera roll, Gestapo. You could pin-point posts to me via IP if you really wanted to.

>>36434424
To get the answer to my question?

>>36434411
>hold the fuck up
I don't say 'hold up.'
What is camera-roll perspective?

>>36434470
*camera-lens

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>>36434350
Everyone in my family seems different than years ago, decades. I was thinking of this and realized how it's almost like my parents are conpletely different people than the ones who raised me.
If I stare at the mirror there's almost a disconnect from my voice and my "voice." So I started thinking that maybe I was somehow replaced as well. My best friend also seems different from when they were a kid. Obviously people change but this was something else.

Reddit spacing. So I started thinking of when the change happened and realized it happened after we moved. Sometime in 2004 the world went down the wrong path. It was around this time I started getting reoccuring dreams of plane crashes and alines, though I could never see them. Then what really hit me was a reoccuring nightmare I had as a kid about a monster coming out of the tunnel in the hill behind my old house. Only there was no hill or tunnel. The tunnel itself was very peaceful and seemed magical but after a few dreams a monster came out until one dream where I killed it. This also coincides with the year 2004. I also noticed that it seems like close people in my life tbat I had known before had suddenly come into my life afterwards. Almost as if out of thin air.

More spacing since it's kinda long. I dunno the thought bothered me. Like, what if the world is wrong and something fucked it up ~2004? I dunno, maybe it's just my escapism.

>>36434483
>>36434470
Your images do not check out to the story you are referring to.

I don't get people who want to kill themselves

Like, I understand why you'd want to do it, but what sort of retard actually goes through with it?

Does your life suck? Then leave. Go. Drop everything and go somewhere. See the world. Have an adventure. Can't afford to travel? Fucking walk. See where the world takes you. If your scared, so what? The worst that can happen is you die, and you were already willing to do that to yourself.

Honestly, I kinda envy the willingness to off yourself. Life's a lot more free when you're not afraid to die.

>>36434585
>what if the world is wrong and something fucked it up ~2004?
I liked 2004 too

Funny enough whatever that weird thing is, the one mental illness. Seeing the coincidences and patterns of relation.

Anywho.

In 2004 maybe even 02 to 06 the house address I lived in was 2017.

To note on you though.
We are all physically not who we were years ago.

>>36434659
>Then leave. Go. Drop everything and go somewhere. See the world. Have an adventure. Can't afford to travel? Fucking walk. See where the world takes you. If your scared, so what? The worst that can happen is you die, and you were already willing to do that to yourself.
Ignoring you might be meming.

I actually did.
I skipped states one day after walking out of my mother's house when I was 19.

Got my first job ever and worked from a homeless shelter for 5 months.
Saved all money due to no expenses.

Got a passport.
Went to russia, romania staying for a week in both.

Planned to keep going when I thought huh.
I am going to run out of money if I don't work.

I don't want to work.
I don't want anything, I gave this a try I guess.

When I got state side I hid behind the ear of productuve society too tired, disenfranchised and ill equipped to end my life like I wanted to.

Now my droll loophole of existence is being threatened again.

I can't be here and do nothing without stepping on someone's toes and having my complacency disgust them.

What I want I cannot get on this world.
And if I could?
I am not prepared to pursue it.

I have no energy left to spare for this place

I wish you the balls to obtain this "freedom" you think you are barred from by being tethered to a will to live and applying consequences to your actions.

>>36434659
>but what sort of retard actually goes through with it?
Maybe I am reading to much into this.
But are you really actually in the belief that one that comes to the conclusion of suicide is inarguably of poor comprehension?

Always? Are you really so happy being an idiot is earmarked as cause for one to consider, to PLAN to take their own life?

>>36433143
Make art and it will give you a purpose to live.

OP DID YOU GO TO VALLEY CHRISTIAN HIGH SCHOOL?!?

>>36435266
HOLY SHJT DO YOU KNOW ME?

>>36435310
Not sure if ur trolling me

What's ur first name?
Mine's Kyle
One of many Kyle's from that school but it's a start

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>>36435368
I am.
Sike times 1.

It felt good though for a second?
That cold warm floaty sensation in your sternum and all around.

Im sorry for meming you, Kyle.

>>36435172
This is my art

>>36435558
REEEEEEEEEE
IM SO ALONE

Well memed. I was hopeful because that OP pic was the English class meme.

>>36435654
Kek.
Please inform me of this meme.
I am invested