/AwkwardGeneral/: Ultra Cringe Edition

/r9k/ doesn't do anything embarrassing?

>>36400737
Nothing I want to think about enough to type out.

>Be awkward, kissless virgin
>Speaking to a cute girl in my class who actually seems to like talking to me
>She jokingly says that she's going to kill a mutual friend of ours
>I ask if she could ever actually kill someone
>She says probably not
>I say "I probably could. I'd just wrap my hands around their neck and just.... Squeeze. Just squeeze until there was no life left in their eyes."
>I'm totally nonviolent, but I thought she would find it funny for some reason
>She just politely laughs and looks a bit scared

God dammit.

>6
>go to some sort of summer complex or something, its basically a huge set of buildings in a forest with activities to do for little shits in the summer
>piss my pants and cry
>sleep with the teacher naked from the waist down
>get up in the morning
>teacher turns out is sleeping with some girls from my class and who live very near me
>they all see my weiner
>I'm walking around with it hanging out, and they are just staring. And I literally, have no clue why. I just walked around without a care. Full of innocence.

Thinking about it now, I fucking cringe. But then, it was all cool.

I was also convinced by some of the older boys that there were gypsies hiding in a bus just outside the place where we slept.

>Friend extends hand for high-5(but off to the side, not actually "high")
>Grab his hand and handshake
>Realize right after I start the handshake that I was supposed to give five
>Oh well, can't stop now, continue for 5 seconds
>Most awkward handshake

>home alone for a couple hours
>take a huge dump
>load up a fap roulette
>"Anal Fap-version2.0
>roll
>follow through no matter what
>nobody will ever know

I'm a dude.

>>36400636
i'm an interviewer and when people do that to me, i ask for a real handshake.

there have been times where i haven't gotten a good grip and tell them that my handshake sucked, let me give them another one.

i don't want people to think i'm WEAK.

i must be STRONG.

>>36401242
You must be very ashamed of being such a faggot. I wonder how many people are laughing about the lame, creepy interviewer guy with the handshake fetish RIGHT NOW.

>>36400636
I would have been amused. Definitely would have been a memorable candidate moment.

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>>36400636
>be me
>coked out and drunk as fuck
>forget I'm a robot
>invade dance floor
>end up dancing like a retard
>a circle forms around me
>what the fuck I'm just dancing like everybody else normies reeeee
>remember I stepped in a dog shit when I was trying to find a comfy spot to do coke in

>be in classroom during recess
>two or three girls are there, too
>they're watching me
>pick up the seat of my crush
>smell it
>"Ahhh"

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>>36401321
THIS.
People always tell me that you just gotta move your body to dance and that it's not hard, but EVERY TIME I start dancing I get laughed at. It 's fucking retards.
LEAVE ME ALONE NORMIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

>>36401365
come on man, really?

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>>36400636
I am the king of awkward comments with girls.

>walking with my crush downtown
>we go down an alleyway shortcut
>her: "wow, this place is creepy."
>me: (jokingly) "yeah, this is where I would take girls to rape if I was strong enough"
>for some reason think she would find it funny
>she laughs awkwardly
>:|

Another

>get asked out by a girl
>me: "I thought ou had a boyfriend?"
>her: "oh, we broke up a couple weeks ago..."
>she looks sad when she says that
>me: "oh, I'm sorry to hear that..."
>looooong awkward silence
>desperately think of something to break silence
>me: "well, I'm not THAT sorry, cause at least I get his sloppy seconds
>realize what I just said
>:|

>with a different crush
>she's showing me pics of her summer vacation
>a lot of them are her with her friends
>she keeps asking if I think any of her friends are cute
>one pops up with her and another girl
>me: "DAYUMN! She's pretty hot!"
>her: "...... That's my sister"
>me: "ah..... Cool...."
>her sister was 13
>:|

>have sloppy drunk one night stand sex with a girl
>wake up in bed with her the next morning
>were talking
>her: "what the hell's this in the bed?"
>she pulls something out from under the covers
>me: "That's my Bidoof."
>I carry around a toy Bidoof in my pocket sometimes.
>:|

>be me
>literally just now
>shitposting in uni library
>gook bitch comes over to me
>looking for donations for starving Asian children or some shit
>tell her I've got some change in my backpack
>wants me to sign on a list of donors
>donation minimum is one dollar
>tell her I only have change
>she says, "no, you say you have wun dahrar!"
>people start looking over
>tell her sorry that I only have change
>she scowls before fabricating a squinted smile
>"Oh, okeh, frankyoo!"
>walks away

I'm still not sure who was more cringe