Fake Job References

>>36381614

>My CV is a wasteland

I feel you lol

>>36381614
CE is basically a scam, you'll get whats advertised, but there is MUCH better shit out there.

>>36381748
Like what famerino ?

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>>36381748
I always see this yet nobody ever feels like posting alternatives.

>>36381748
Do tell, lad. I don't need anything too elaborate, it's not like I'm trying to claim a PhD and a previous 100k salary.

I want to read through philosophy like you are, OP, but my concentration is fucked up (probably from autistically hitting my head against a table when bullied whilst young).

My CV is also a wasteland. Only two jobs. (Also NEET.)

As for philosophy, what do you recommend I start with?

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>>36381614
I've become a walking lie. My whole life has become just a series of lies. I've lied about education i don't have. Jobs i've never worked. The web of lies grows larger by the week. My personality is also fake. I pretend to be a chad to interact with people on a normal level but im a 30yo virgin. Sometimes i look in the mirror and ask myself. Who are you?

>>36381986
Same. I lie to my (two) friends about a job I don't really have.

>>36381986
Who the fuck am I? I don't know. I'm 20 and I still don't realise. Fuck, man. I know I should break out of NEEThood, but I just can't.

I'm too scared of living life.

In terms of mythology, I'm still at the "mother breast" stage.

I just can't advance.

I wish I wasn't raised by a single mother,

>>36382158
Best advice i can give you is either get a wagecuck job and get an apartment or go to college and get a healthcare degree. Dont even bother if it's not healthcare related. Like seriously don't bother.

Sooner you become independent the better. If your family is anything like mine they will start to take advantage of your loserishness after a while.

I'm not saying abandon your family but just get out on your own or they wont ever give you the respect that you deserve.

>>36381941
I'd probably start off with Bertrand Russell's Problems of Philosophy. It's a little dry but it's short and good for getting you to start thinking more abstractly as it mainly deals with how we can know things and types of knowledge and it has a nice chapter on why you should bother with Philosophy in the first place. You can also read his History of Western Philosophy for a overview of what different philosophers main ideas were.

After that I'd say go back to the Greeks. Some fun stuff here, I'm a big fan of the stoics personally, and they're good for a starting point with ethics and political philosophy. Philosophy is the history of people arguing with each other so it makes sense to read what the enlightenment thinkers were replying to in the first place.

After that just work your way forwards chronologically based on your interests. I'm currently reading Keirkegaard's Fear and Trembling and yes I am overwhelmed with the burden of my freedom right now. Such is NEET life.

If you need a less dry introduction try Thomas Nagel's What Does it all Mean? or Simon Blackburn's Think. Haven't read them myself but I've heard good things, though Think is apparently light on detail.

>>36381986
Completely fine with this, just need to be paid in real money.

>>36381614
Somebody should make a fake linked in of the neet pepe and troll recruiters.

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OP, you probably already know about this, but you can get a shitton of online certificates completely free from FEMA (full name is "Federal Emergency Management Agency | Emergency Management Institute.)"

You just sign up with an email, complete the easy online course (you can skip straight to the questions, so if the course says "estimated completion time three hours" don't worry, I've finished those in less than twenty minutes by skipping straight to the final tests.)

I think there was a course called "Leadership and Management" that would look good on genuinely anyone's resume. Especially considering it's a government-licensed certificate and not some fake diploma mill school.

https://training.fema.gov/is/crslist.aspx

Fuck it, since this is the, "NEET trying to get a job," thread right now.

>filling out job application for job that HE suggested that I apply for
>ask for help from my dad to circumvent my shortcomings
>proceeds to be an idiot and argues with me over what's on the fucking application despite me being the one filling it out

Can't wait to give these idiots this fucking application so that they can immediately throw it out. God, my dad is an idiot.

Also does anyone have any experience with vocational rehab? I've currently applied and had an appointment already. They're trying to decide on whether or not I'm eligible for their services. My appointment with them was three weeks ago. I feel like it really shouldn't take them that fucking long to see whether or not they can help me out or not. Does anyone know if that shit actually helps you find a job or not?

>25
>no work experience
>no community service
>no internship
>no college education
>no driving license
>no friends
>socially inept

How is getting a job possible?

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>>36382981
hey thanks anon, this might be of use to me some day

>>36383218
Anytime my bretheren, I always look out for fellow robots.

One day I actually want to make a sample resume for robots who have zero work/education/college/etc experience. I think I could genuinely make an excellent resume for someone who's been NEET their whole life, as long as they're willing to do the FEMA online courses (which I believe are dead easy since you can google all the answers.) Or maybe I can simply upload the cert images once I complete them.

But think about it - despite lacking job experience, if a resume was full of government-licensed certificates and offered references from "professors" (we can hopefully get an older NEET to put his free Google Voice number as a contact) it would mean that even a prime NEET autist could likely snag a job.

Maybe this idea is retarded though, let me know what you guys think.

>>36382981
The fuck do you say if your interviewer ask you to explain what you did in those classes? Still sounds interesting though, thanks.

>>36383958
You could try telling him what you did in the classes. That'd probably work

>>36384078
Kek, but seriously I am just picturing the kind of shit he'd ask.
>so what did you do in those classes?
>oh I learned tons of stuff on leadership and (insert inflated technically correct bullshit)
>how long did those classes take?
Then what do you say? You say it was some less than an our class on the internet? Would it not look bad?
How nicely did it work out for you desu sempai?

>>36383175
Just go to college and take a loan desu. Get a Bachelors of Arts in IT. Less math than CS. You can get good internships so long as you keep in touch with your professors and stuffs

>>36383796
Yes, there is a resume somewhat like this. It's called the "skills resume" where you list a bunch of stuff you can do at the top, and highschool and college at the bottom (if college is applicable)

I'll upload a template some other day, but it might be of some use

>>36384166
I'm not the anon you're responding to but everything you said I'd deal with honestly except for how long it took. I'd just say I can't recall and make him go find out.

I've had to tell some white lies and hype up mundane shit I've done in the past. Everyone does it and some people are more blatant about it than others

>>36383076
You that your father can't solve your problems for you right?

>Dad used to be an accountant 7 years ago.
>used to be upper middle class
>recession loses job
>wife leaves still has to pay margate for house which was bought a year before job loss
>becomes depressed doesn't look for job get money from government half has to go to mortgage
>or be homeless
>become poor desu I'm so proud of my father for being such a beta cuck
>my sister nags him to get a job never even looks for one
>I want to say something as well but can't he'd get mad at me and probably hit me so I always say nothing about it
>she gets away with it because she a fucking idiot with an in of 49 desultory thank god I'll never be that stupid don't understand how she's related to me no one else in senpai is that stupid mom is pretty stupid tho everyone else is smart tho
>all relatives on my dads side smart 3 are doctors
>I get stuck with the worst one as a father out of the 9 siblings he had a big family

>>36384581
>>she gets away with it because she a fucking idiot with an in of 49 desultory thank god I'll never be that stupid don't understand how she's related to me no one else in senpai is that stupid mom is pretty stupid tho everyone else is smart tho
what the fuck are you talking about

>>36383796

I'd back this. Robots conspiring together to make things a little easier on our kind makes sense to me.

Ausbot though, and no oldfag voice to make it sound like Im a wise proffessor.

Also, most proffessors these days have a visible online presence, so the employer could easily find a profile for the person you are pretending to be when you are being a fake referee.

Do employers accept emails as reference contacts? That would be much easier.

>>36384606
Sorry autocorrect she has an iq of 49

>>36384606
Family not senpai
Desu not desultory

>>36383796
You sir are a hero. Can you post contact so I can ask for some advice on my resume? It's god awful.

>26
>Degree in Computer Science
>No idea how to program

Pretty fucked up eh. Don't know how I managed to fake my way through an entire 4 year CS degree without picking up at least a few useful skills.

>>36384905
>tfw I'm going to be you in 7 years
I know the syntax of some languages, and simple concepts like loops, arrays, and also have knowledge of common sorting algorithms
But I don't know how to create a real program, wtf?
They never teach you that.

>>36381614
Maybe he was across the IDL?

How does one get a place of their own and a job at the same time? Especially with no job experience, contacts, transport etc.

I live in a small rural town, and there's no way I'm getting a job here. I'd need to move somewhere else, but it seems impossible, unless you already know someone in another town.

>>36384578
He could be a little more helpful.

>>36384905
>>36385078
How do you not know?

Was it just not necessary to pass your courses?

>>36386427
CS != PROGRAMMING

>>36381894
The truth is that there isn't. Pick a field you think has it easy then look for entry level jobs in that field. They'll all demand a ton of experience or post graduate studies and sometimes both. In many areas of the country the only way into a career is to move to the better ones before they get flooded. If you can't move then hope your parents include you in the will.

I've wanted to fuck with the stock market on the side going off ghost on TCR to make more money, guy seems to know his shit.

>>36387189
Then why do you expect to know it?

You can learn C in your spare time and once you know C you basically know everything. Get a textbook on ANSI C and consider yourself complete when you can do the following:

Make a game that displays on terminal and can interpret inputs from multiple players
Make a shell and communicate between programs
Run a host process and a client process that communicates over the net
Learn one or more debugging tools
Learn to use git for version control

You'll need a primer on unix too but that's simple stuff, a youtube video would help.

After that you can learn Java by just downloading eclipse or something and start following tutorials on random tasks.

No shit, I will be a good job reference for you, give me your name and I'll give you my number. I'll tell a potential employer I went to school with you and that you're awesome.

>>36388432
If any of you are serious about needing references
My email is [email protected]

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This might sound like a joke but hang with me for a sec.

Apply for a class in retail, in Australia at least there is a formal qualification in retail assistant (cert 2 in retail assistant) and ask for work experience stacking shelves.

From there ask to be put on the roster or at least a reference.

I pretty much had to do this for a cleaning job at the hospital.

Im assuming you will be stonewalled from even the jobs teenagers do, at least thats what its like here.

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>>36381614
This sounds like you were chosen for NEET life and changing your destiny is hard.