Psychological Issues #37

I think this bears saying for those who might hear it: Nick, you're being too harsh on Eh. I'd ask you to examine your feelings around this subject in the context of your own diagnosis. You are idealising Ethan and demonising Eh. It's reasonable to feel protective of Ethan. In all of the threads in which he and I have participated, I have offered my support too because of course I can relate to what he has been through.

That said, Eh has been the first person who has actually had a decent understanding of my own condition. His experience with his DID friend is valuable and validating to me. The things he outlined were things that mirrored my own experiences, and it is the first time in my life I've heard someone describe DID as I experience it myself. He has insight. In this respect, he has helped me.

Please remember that you too suffer from a condition and as such your perceptions of things may not always be completely reliable. Your vision may be blinkered. You have your own limitations, as we each have ours.

>>36376315

I don't assume my own behaviour is perfect, without flaw, or unbiased. I am aware. I have explained this to you in private.

As to Eh, I don't demonise him as much as you seem to think. I too have an interest in him being present and I would like him to keep coming, and I certainly don't want him to go away because of what I told you two (though I'm pretty sure Eh is miles above caring for such a thing).

As to DID, there's another anon who has it himself, Seethe, and you seem to forget that, or maybe you don't think he really has DID, I don't know.

I don't, however, believe that my own condition has much to do with my behaviour in this particular case. I'm just intolerant of what I perceive to be ganging up on someone, even with humor, especially when I find it questionable.

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You had asked about my messed up childhood. I don't remember most of it, but I'll post what I can:
My earliest memory is from when I was 2 years old, and it was just a memory of seeing a cute girl in a crop top with a belly button piercing. After that, I guess my next memory is being in preschool and wanting to watch TV during nap time, but they wouldn't let me sit up to watch. I faintly remember getting reprimanded for coloring outside the lines. Next memory after that is one where myself and another boy (or 2) chased down this girl on a playground and put mulch in her diaper/pants. After that, I guess would be elementary school. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't an outcast either, I think. I mostly just remember times that people reprimanded me for my behavior or actions, which I quickly changed. My brother bullied me my entire childhood, but there were times when he didn't bully me.

>>36376546
>My brother bullied me my entire childhood

Let's dig there.

>>36376546
Also, pretty sure my dad is a Narcissist.

>>36376666

Satanic quads confirm your father is the devil.

Give some examples.

>>36376605
He's always been a control freak, and the vast majority of the time, I was the subject of his antics. He has always, and probably will always, thrown things at me. Bits and pieces, little things. Just to pester me. Never really remember any times he stuck up for me, but I can't think of instances where he would've been able to defend me. It was always: he was #1 and I was #2.

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>>36376722
>sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do
>c'mon man, I want to spend time with you
My anxiety disorder (and numerous medications) makes me physically ill a lot of the time, and whenever I feel ill when he wants me to do something with him he'll give me something like:
>get up and move around, you'll feel better

Now, I understand he wants to spend time with me, and that he loves me, I just came to realize today that he seems like a narcissist, after reading up on narcissism.
To summarize, it just feels like a lot of the time he puts his own wants first. And I do, frequently, do things I don't want to do, in order to make him(and others) happy. Honestly
I'll post some art pics with my comments, if no one objects

>>36376816
>He has always, and probably will always, thrown things at me

No, because you are going to cut him off. There is no reason why you should accept that someone will make you feel bad for even 1 second.

No reason whatsoever.

You can easily trace most if not all your developmental issues to your father and your brother.

>>36376914

It'll hit you more and more.

Eventually, you'll doubt he's ever loved you.

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>>36376914
>I'll post some art pics with my comments, if no one objects
It's an imageboard, after all, feel free. They enrich the thread.

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>>36376941
I'm not entirely sure how to make him stop. I told him repeatedly to not throw things at me, the few recent times he's been home from college. I think it's working some, I'll just have to keep at it.

Hey Nick,

Not sure if you remember me. It turns out that thinking the TV is talking to you isn't normal.

Weed seems to exacerbate it. I think I'm going to have to give up smoking
:(

>>36376988

I love art. Is this your art?

>>36376996

You avoid him. Might prove impossible if you live together. You can grey rock your way through it: give nothing, no emotions, no words but the minimum so he doesn't get mad, etc.

Read loads about it.

>>36377027
I remember you. We had a good chinwag last time. How does the TV affect you? What does it say? My brother is schizophrenic, so don't be abashed.

>>36377027

I remember you, Bitch Slap.

>It turns out that thinking the TV is talking to you isn't normal.

Indeed, you learn something new every day.

And yes, weed can get you some nasty paranoia if you abuse it.

>>36377035
>Is this your art?
No. I have never made anything artistic.

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>>36376102
did the other thread reach bump limit?
anyways, im curious what's your job
you seem pretty interested in psychology (especially in BPD and narcissists) to not be in a related field

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>>36377060
Interesting. Where can I read about it? And should I grey rock it all the time, or just after he starts throwing things at me?

>>36377088
Sometimes it seems like the plots and story lines in things that are on TV are directly related to me and my life.

On occasion I've had conversations with the TV in my head. Almost like it was the voice of god.

I'm going to stop smoking for good.

>>36377106
>did the other thread reach bump limit?

Reach, no, we exploded it. Bump limit is at 500, we got to 616, and reached page 11, somehow.

>>36377147
It seems that you've decided on a course of action. Weed psychosis is well-known. If you've the strength to do it, I applaud you. You'll certainly be better off.

>>36377129

Google.

Honestly, once you know he's a narc, and never really loved you, and doesn't care, that's when I turned defensive and biting.

If you turn on him, if you are able to do that, then have fun and tackle his ego. He might leave you alone more easily this way. Might be dangerous. This would have cost me a beating in my time. Be careful.

>>36377188
>616
According to a fragment of the oldest known of the New Testament, the actual Number of the Beast. Not really making a point particularly, just saying.

>>36377189
>>36377092

>Bitch Slap lol

At the moment I'm in 30mg of citalopram. I've got an appointment with the docs on the 28th and I'm going to be honest about my drug use too.

My home situation is kinda messed up at the moment too, so the stress isn't helping.

>>36377261
>My home situation is kinda messed up at the moment too, so the stress isn't helping.
Please elaborate.

You're quite right to be transparent with your doctor. Unless you're worried about bennies or something.

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Really depressed again. Almost killed myself a few months ago, now I think I might again. I stopped because I feel obligated to live for my mom and brother, but I don't want to do it. Life holds no joy for me, and nothing ever gets better. Every time I have hope that things are getting better, things come crashing down around my ears and my life ends up worse than it was before.

I've become a full blown alcoholic just to make life tolerable, but it doesn't do that anymore. It just makes things slightly less terrible for the time being until I sober up again. Then I added in weed, which is nice, but it and the booze just make me fat too which makes me more miserable. Then I remember I was miserable when I was thin too, so I drink another 15 drinks in a two hour span and get wasted, again.

I got fired a couple of weeks ago over nothing. Can't find another job, and it wrecked my finances that I had just got in order. All my bills are overdue and accruing late fees. I have virtually no food left in my house, and almost all my calories have been coming from alcohol and really cheap bags of chips from the gas station. I had let myself hope things might finally be looking up, but yet again I got sucker punched then kicked while I was down, and I am worse off than ever.

Obligation to my family isn't enough anymore. I just want out. Life shouldn't be this miserable. It shouldn't be this hard.

>>36377259

This is true. I actually knew that. It's supposedly code for a Roman emperor.

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>>36377188
do you feel uncomfortable talking about your personal life? if that is so, sorry for asking. anyways im posting from the hospital, my mom was in a car crash. thankfully it doesnt seem to be anything to worry about they are just assessing her well being as is protocol

>>36377261
>citalopram

Been on this from 2005 to 2012. Pretty sure it was pointless for me.

>>36377261

Drug use and messed up home situation? Do tell.

>>36377294
>worried about bennies or something.

I actually don't know what "bennies" are.

>>36377305

Pic related is married to my waifu. I'm jelly.

>Almost killed myself a few months ago, now I think I might again.

No, don't.

OK, we need to set some simple and accessible objectives, OK?

Is it possible for you to ut the alcohol and drugs? Save money from that to buy simple food items, the less processed the better, to feed yourself correctly.

>>36377399

I hope your mother is OK, what happened?

I'm fine talking about my personal life. I do it a lot. Too much, maybe,

>>36377475
Bennies i.e. disability benefits. Somewhat like welfare. Support for the woefully impaired. Most of the characters on Jeremy Kyle are on them.

>>36377294
OK, so... I'm a 31 year old guy, I'm currently living with my ex girlfriend in the house we bought together after our son was born (he's now 4)

6 moths ago she told me she didn't love me any more cos of my depression.

She's sleeping in the master bedroom, I'm in the spare room, kid is in his room.

I'm trying to find somewhere to live at the same time as the house is on the market and trying to sell the car (we bought together on finance, she won't take it on, I don't want the car and payments either (shite car) need to sell privately to get enough to pay off the finance.

Also I'm smoking about a 1/4 of hash a week as well as extracting codeine from otc tablets and taking other painkillers, I occasionally smoke opium too - it's almost like dreaming.

I'm terrified of having to go and be on my own with no company except fucking r9k and my Ps4

>>36377251
Hmm... I'm not sure about turning against him, in all honesty. He's the breadwinner, and works super hard to put me, my brother, and my mom in the upper middle class. I've clashed with him a few times in the past, and it only causes strife and doesn't seem to solve anything.
This could all be projection, it's hard to tell.
Also, I don't really care whether or not he loves me? I'm not sure.
Not trying to argue with you, by the way, so I'm sorry if I come off as argumentative

I've wanted to talk but I've been confused
Me asking you questions, where's that supposed to lead? I'm drawing a blank and just confused

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>>36377511
she was copilot and a car hit them on the side. her neck hurts a little so she might have pulled a muscle due to the whiplash but apart from that everything seems fine

tell me about you. whats your job? why are you so interested in psychology and especially narcs and people with BPD? what's your family like and why do you seem to hate them?

>>36377541
Thought I'd better add a tripcode.

My son and I are really close, he always wants to play in the sandpit or on the trampoline and I read to him every night.

I'm going to miss the hell out of him, and him me. It'll break his little heart. And I know I'll see him in the week and weekends etc but it's not the same.

>>36377540
>Bennies i.e. disability benefits.

My original idea was that "Bennies" were like mental hospital nurses or somethingm with a tendency to run after you in line, as in the Benny Hill Show, which my father always loved, and which, I learned much later, British people hate, for the image the show gives of them. I wonder if that's true. But I understand why my father loved it: it was dumb enough for him to understand, and many jokes were mini sadism, which he loved.

I've learned a number of crazy ideas from him, almost a dark version of Calvin's dad, really. "Son, English women are hot, but they smell bad." This was explained to me the same way you explain that the USA contain 50 states. "They smell bad and they are very hairy." How would he know, it didn't occur to me to ask.

I'm rambling.

>>36377678
>>36377294
I'm not on benefits, I have a job which pay's reasonably well

>>36377541
I can understand why you would be frightened of that prospect. From the rest, I assume that the child will go to her?

One legit option open to you might be to house share with other robots. They regularly float the idea, so if there's one in your area it would lower the bills and, crucially, stave off isolation.

I wouldn't know how to begin extracting codeine, but I do have to question whether it's worth the time and effort. The weed, though, is sure to be exacerbating some of your symptoms.

Depression is rather more difficult to tackle. You can try meds and I should think the GP will offer you a few different options, none of which will work. It's possible that chemicals will work but more likely that won't cut it. So then it will be a matter of therapy.

>>36377687
That's alright. It's a nice bit of day-in-the-life info.

>>36377754
Then you have every reason to be transparent.

>>36377778
I live in the arse end of nowhere mate, I'm not gonna be specific but it's pretty rural. There aren't gonna be any robots in a pretty big radius.

>>36377541
>I'm terrified of having to go and be on my own with no company except fucking r9k and my Ps4

Make that a PS3 that I only use for Youtube, and that's my life.

I feel your fear and pain. This is a truly painful situation you're in, and there's a young child involved.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist of some sort?

>>36377556

Don't worry. Best option for you is to make the best of everything, but keep in mind narcs can't love. You may be seen as an extension of the narc, though, as he would certainly be proud of your successes, but for himself.

As long as you see things for what they are, you'll be fine.

>>36377599
>Me asking you questions, where's that supposed to lead? I'm drawing a blank and just confused

I'm improvising. I'm not sure what to ask you specifically.

Any new crying spells?

>>36377475
>No, don't.

I get that line all the time, or something to that effect.

>OK, we need to set some simple and accessible objectives, OK?
>Is it possible for you to ut the alcohol and drugs? Save money from that to buy simple food items, the less processed the better, to feed yourself correctly.

I kinda doubt it. The only reason I haven't blown my brains out is because of that reprieve.

I used to eat great and exercise, it never helped. All the simple shit never helped so I just stopped.

>>36377874
No, I saw a CBT therapist about a year ago, she was about 24 and completely useless but fit as fuck.

>>36377617

Why are you posting slaughter house photos instead of your art?

I'm a teacher. I've always had an interest in psychology, even considered studying that instead of what I ended up doing a degree in.

My circumstances make it so that I had to learn a lot about many disorders.

I don't exactly feel hate for my parents anymore. They are very abusive, abnormal people.

>>36377678

Your wife wants to live somewhere else with her son? Is there no way to find a common solution?

>>36377953
No, I've been stable emotionally despite everything going on

>>36377960

Do you have a therapist?

>>36377874
>>36377830
You both ought to get Crunchyroll. It's an 'app' for the PS3/4. Of course, that's assuming you like anime and I have no reason to suppose that you do. But it's cheaper than Netflix and there's some live action as well.

How do you feel about your son? It would be useful to have a sense of where he'll fit into your future plans, and make appropriate provision. Since you're reasonably comfortable, it mightn't be too difficult to get a modest two-bedroom place.

Things may seem grim now, not least beneath the cloud of depression, but it may represent a chance to begin anew. Within the Tarot, the Death card occurs half way through the Major Arcana, rather than at the end of the journey because as one thing comes to an end, a fresh one is allowed to begin. The Reaper harvests so that something fresh and splendid may be made from the grain.

Thus, as much as this is an ending it may also be a beginning, and by the sound of it it's not necessarily a great loss. You can have something better, for your son as well as for yourself.

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>>36377914
Okay. That would make sense.
What are your (or anyone's) thoughts on a narcissist living with a narcissist father? My Mother is normal, as far as I can tell.

I just realised that I made a very foolish mistake during my interview. There was a basic literacy and numeracy test and I made a careless mistake. How shameful. I feel worried that I'll have blown the chance over something so small.

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>>36377995
>Why are you posting slaughter house photos instead of your art?
because i dont have pictures of my drawings or paintings on my phone, just a few photos ive taken

>>36377995
>They are very abusive, abnormal people
i see, i wish i could empathize more. my parents are good, mostly normal people

just thinking something severe might have happened to my mom in the car crash made my heartbeats go through the roof

>>36377977
Also codeine is really easy to extract.
You buy solpadene Max strength contains 500mg paracetamol, 12.8mg of codeine per tablet, 30 in a pack. If necessary go to 2 chemists and get a pack at each.

Codeine is water soluble, paracetamol isn't. Mix in water, leave, chill, strain through coffee filters/paper towel/old t shirt.

>Discard paracetamol solids
>Drink codeine water solution
>??????
>PROFIT

Hey I'm back again from that the other thread a few days ago, and things have started falling apart again; I'm having this internal struggle due to stuff going on with uni with my marks not being where I want them to be, and a series of events involving me being brought down by even the slightest hint of dishonesty or contempt I feel from other people even if there is nothing at all. I always ponder on everything others say to me wondering if they had an ulterior meaning to it, and I've grown more anxious over the last few days. I even contemplated calling the suicide hotline a few times, but ended up not needing it. I had times of great depression for no good reason I could pinpoint, and have had major moodswings throughout the day. Sometimes I wake up feeling depressed, apathetic, or energetic. I'm starting to believe I'm at a crossroads sometimes as I'm still waiting for the good times to come.

>>36378111
Checked.

I love my son more than anything in the world. He is my monkey trouble.

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>>36378111
>rather than at the end of the journey because as one thing comes to an end, a fresh one is allowed to begin. The Reaper harvests so that something fresh and splendid may be made from the grain.

>mfw I can't begin the new era, because I don't want to

>don't want her gone

>>36378255
Right on the money.

Ouch.

>>36378157
Ha. My mother could be crushed to death right now I wouldn't shed a tear. I wouldn't like her to suffer I don't think but it would be fine if she dropped dead.

>>36378238
Thank you for checking. Anyway, it could be that in fact, the desire to fight for your son gives you the fire to turn things around.

>>36378255
Like it or not, you've already moved on to Card XIV:Temperance
>Temperance is a card about balance, in many ways, and relationships of all kinds. Friendships, family, romantic partnerships, and work partnerships all need your attention.

>>36378131

Protect yourself by any means necessary. No longer let his words hurt you by understanding exactly what he does with them, so read about narcs. Study narcissistic rhetoric, as I call it. Invalidation, subtle insults, etc.

All that dark crap.

>>36378155

What was the mistake?

>>36378157
>just thinking something severe might have happened to my mom in the car crash made my heartbeats go through the roof

I now have to think that when my parents end up in hospital to die, I won't even be there.

Sad life.

>>36378336
I don't know if it is helping it not but I've been reading loads of books on discordianism and related fiction. It's interesting as fuck

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discordianism

>>36378083
I did. No money for one anymore. Only two medicaid doctors in my town and neither are taking new patients.

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>>36378238
>He is my monkey trouble.

I don't know if that's a common expression, but that's the cutest thing I've heard in ages. Monkey trouble.

>tfw I want a child too
>blew everything up right before starting a family
>bravo Obama

>>36376469
What do you think I meant back there?

>>36378336
>Card XIV:Temperance

Sounds plausible. What's next?

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>>36378379
>Sad life.
indeed sad but i guess they brought it on themselves

>>36378417
>tfw I want a child too
i wanted a child too, especially a girl since i never had a sister and wanted to experience that side of the equation. but now i cant even take care of myself. barely have contact with women anyways and with those i do have contact with i cant see them as more than friends, not attracted to them at all. at least my oldest brother has a child so i have a niece

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>>36378344
Will do! Thanks
Oregano

>>36378431

Attempts at humor to socialise with Ethan. Or attempts to see how I react, to verify your theory, or God knows.

You were right, though, in your last post. Had you told my regular troll about this, he may still not have done it because he needs to be regarded as some sort of alternative to me, he needs their good opinion; if he starts attacking people in the thread too much, he'll pass for a moron and a dick, which will undermine is underlying fantasy. So I don't expect him to do that.

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>>36378379
Just so stupid. In a sentence something like

>CIRCLE THE PREPOSITION

>On his way to market Dave, who lived down the road, fucked a goose

I circled 'who'. I only just realised I did it. I really hope that it doesn't ruin things for me.

>>36378393
>https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discordianism
Seems quite fun.

>>36378445
>What's next?
Err...

>>36378540
>I circled 'who'. I only just realised I did it. I really hope that it doesn't ruin things for me.

If it does fuck things up, I will replace "jump the shark" by "fuck the goose" in your honour.

>>36378540
>Err...

Go ahead. I'm going to bed right after that one.

>>36378589
>Go ahead. I'm going to bed right after that one.
>>36378540

Well, fuck.

>>36378601
Don't worry, you don't hit the very worst card until the one afterward: The Tower.

>>36378514
You assume I'm not effected by others. You assume that I don't feel hurt when people fuck with me. My condition is that I don't sympathize. That's it. I can, but I don't. I understand the pain of others. It's just easier for me not to care. The only reason why I care now is to tell you.

>>36376102
hey goys, my name is heckman and i have depression and possibly a number of other mental disorders. I grew up in a very religious conservative christian family. Loving parents, though my father was one of them tough love type assholes. I am kind of a middle child so most of my teen years my father either ignored me or if he gave me attention he was giving me shit about not doing things the way he wanted. Despite this he does show me affection so he wasn't a complete cunt and since i've left home always reminds me that he loves me very much. We were close when i was younger but as i grew up and puberty hit, i guess he felt like he had to prepare me for the real world but did so in the most antagonizing way. He tried to fit me into the mold that he wanted. my father grew up in a different time so he always tried to force his mentality onto me. He hated when i talked too much, called me a coward when i didn't talk enough, told me i was weak if i ever got emotional, told me i was useless, unreliable if i ever fucked up. My father was the type of person who had an image of how he wanted people to perceive him and his family, so he never let me go anywhere, i guess he was worried i'd embarrass him in front of other people? Growing up i was a very talkative kid full of energy but as i grew older all that was drained from me, ive become extremely introverted to the point where i can't focus on anything not even a conversation with someone usually giving give one word answers when talking to people and i started getting into a lot of trouble.

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>>36376102
I will meet a girl that i like on thursday but i don't feel any enjoyment at all.
I feel overwhelmed and i feel like it will be a failure and that she doesn't even want to meet me at all.

And i think that i will mess up hard, i even think that i will never get in a relationship with her because i think she just wants me to be her friend and meets herself with me because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I should have never asked her.

>>36378417
Monkey trouble is a name I made up for him. When we go upstairs we pretend to be robots and go "BEEP BOOP"

I thought I was set with a family and shit, and then she does this after 7 years.
Monkey trouble is gonna think daddy's just upped and gone, no bedtime story every night, no being silly.

I'm left in a 2 bed place being essentially Kirk van Houten, instead of my current lovely 4 bed house.

And I know she's started seeing some guy from her work. So I'll never get her back and frankly I'm not sure I want to any more. But it's the boy who's my main worry

Drugs, fighting, metal break downs where i'd throw fits over small things. I have severe anxiety and depression i feel like i can't even function as a normal human being constantly in a state of identity and existential crisis. All my other siblings did what he wanted when he said but i didn't like the way he controlled people, i didn't like the way he treated people, the only word i can properly discribe my father was that he was somewhat of a dictator in our household. When my father had cancer, he was scared to death. Not for his own life but because he was afraid that if he died there was no one to look after his family. i've always been a person of many dreams, im a musician so i've always wanted to pursue music and other artistic endeavers where i could express myself i guess because of all my repressed emotions but when my father had cancer the responsibility of being a provider is now in my hands. My oldest brother works just above minimum wage and my older sister who has already graduated works a decent job but nowhere enough to support my extended family especially with the debt my fathers in. I'm currently in my 3rd year studying biology in university and i feel like giving up. i feel like running away, but i can't leave my father. He is very sick and sometimes i just want to go home and see him but we have cut ties emotionally in the sense that we both feel uncomfortable telling each other were love one another.

We hardly talk and when we do it is very awkard as if we were strangers but i love him very much. I don't want him to go without resolving everything that went bad between us but neither of us has the balls to confront it. He urges and is waiting for me to finish school and that may well be the only reason he is alive and still working is because he doesn't want to leave me knowing that i am in a mental wreck and i'd probably lose myself without his "guidance" because i felt like ive lived my whole life for him and without him i have no purpose. i have spent my entire life living for other people i don't know how to live my own life

>>36378678
>metal break downs
There's nothing wrong with that

Is anyone ever really sad or depressed enough to think that papa roach had talent?

>>36378766
I'd only ever listen to them as a last resort.

>>36378766
>>36378799
Did you motherfuckers plan that beforehand?

>>36378865
Yes, we're down the pub along with all the other Britposters, planning co-op bad jokes to post on 4chan

>>36378914
Then fish and chips.

Damn now I'm hungry.

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>>36376102
Am I bpd or bipolar or something? my feelings change often and some days I'm feeling like I want to die or crying to myself, but then I'll feel content the next day or week until my mood changes and I feel really negative again. It's like a depression that comes in waves. Does that make sense?

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I'm too tired and bummed out to be of any use tonight. I'm sorry NEET hours posters. If you can make it back during the day tomorrow that would be better. I need to go and think about how I may have flubbed an excellent job opportunity over a stupid error I made because I wasn't able to concentrate properly.

>I'm trying to think of something but I am not sure what to make of that anger/horniness. Perhaps the two were associated somehow, but how? Can you recall events where you were angry and turned on at the same time?

This was from the last post you said to me. I think it's just a power thing. Being angry makes me want to hurt people, which is a desire for power and dominance.

Anyway, Nick, do you have an email? Sorry, I feel like you've posted it before but I don't have it. I feel like it would be easier to talk through email so I don't have to wait for the threads.

If you're willing, of course, if not I understand. You're donating a lot of your time. It's been helpful to me to talk to someone who has no personal association with me.

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>>36376102
I always feel the need to be studying; math specifically. I've always wanted to git gud in it and maybe major in something math heavy. I'm just taking general ed classes right now but in the summer i'll be taking intro to geometric proofs. I spend hours everyday going over proofs meticulously. When I feel burnt out or if I'm doing anything else, I get angry at myself for wasting time, and I think that if I don't autismo 24/7 I'll fail the class.