/cripplingdepression/ general

I am doing terrible. I wish i could destroy this world.

>>36355630
why do youy wanna do that?

>>36355671
I want everyone to have absolutely nothing.

I'm not even sad. Life is so boring that I want to stop existing.

A little disappointed in myself. I was at a celebrity event and I had to duck out early instead of staying for q/a because I got "overstimulated" due to being in a loud, crowded auditorium for so long.

I don't go into fetal position and start going "uhhhhh uhhh" or anything like that, but I start getting really anxious and antsy.

>>36356303
how long have you felt like that?'

>>36356379
Ah man it happens, i've had the same thing happen to me before

>>36355418
Apply in store. Online or mail will kill ya.

>>36356447
they asked for it to be mailed to them

Not great. I feel my frontal lobe being stressed from the endless problems I have created for myself. I want to start from scratch but I can't because I have two mugshots for pot related offenses because I used to sell weed. I'm debating whether to sell again because it might just be my best chance at success. And honestly selling made me happy because it forced me to socially interact with lots of different people. Now nobody calls me because I don't smoke weed or sell. Should I sell again? I could use some wise advise right now. I'm 21 and it's just looking down hill from here. One side of me says fuck the system and do whatever the fuck you want and the other side is telling me I cannot disappoint my family.

>>36355418
It's a day just like the rest

which is exactly the problem

I crave excitement or for something to change but I can't facilitate myself because I'm too beta and no one else is going to create anything for me because I have alienated everyone I know

i haven't spoken to anyone in my classes a single time this semester

what the fuck is wrong with me

>>36356851
I alienated everyone I know as well, been regretting it for years

>>36356603
Selling weed again is probably not the greatest idea
Could you get a job that would let you be social and meet diverse people?

>>36356851
What are things you would like to do

Day of wagecucking. It's amazing how much a full work day entirely drains my energy nowadays. Roomates didn't clean their pile of dishes today. Settling in with some alcohol for the evening then back to wagecucking tomorrow.

>>36357041
Construction work is the only kind that won't care about my previous offenses but it's slave work. I will be rejected from basically any mainstream job. I might be able to find a good job but even if I get a degree they will still judge me on my record. Maybe I should move to a state that has legal weed... But I can't for at least a year because of probation.

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I've been depressed for years and I'm started to feel very tired.

I've tried really hard to overcome this depression, but I'm starting to believe it'll be impossible and I'll have to learn to live with it until the day I day.

I've studied hard, read tons of books, travel, dated really good girls, but everytime it looks like I'm starting to put my shit together something happens and the vicious circle of depression starts all over again.

I even started to some tobacco now that I'm 26... fucking pathetic

>>36356851
get a motorcycle and ride dangerously on rural non residential roads

>>36356851
Create a hobby. Best way to meet like-minded people who will not think poorly of you. I fish and met some real good people doing that. Getting outside has saved me from having zero friends.

>>36357062
What do you do? Do you enjoy it? I suppose not

>>36357161
For two weed arrests?

>>36357181
You tried meds or professional help?

>>36357279
One weed arrest for " over a pound and a half" and another for " assualt on EMT" for freaking out on magic mushrooms at 17 and getting shoved in an ambulance

>sent away
Why are you not calling places or walking in to them
Also go and get a trade
You get to learn new things and also socialise more and higher chance of meeting a partner

>>36357279

I work at a convience store in a low income area. It's a portal of knife-carrying, neck-tattoed, bicycles-made-from-three-different-stolen-bikes, methhead hell.

State of Oregon's bottle deposit went up, so it's like all these bums got a 50% raise when they turn in their daily can gathering.

>>36357322
i went to college instead of trade school

>>36357321
I dont really know how the law works, im sorry

>lose job because have minor accident and insurance wont keep me anymore
>nobody wanted me to leave but I had to
>shoulda just been a tech but wasnt thinking thats life
>4 months later
>trying to move state
>no money
>nobody wants to hire somebody whos GOING TO MOVE
>no security
>NEET lyfe
>people just reject me with silence constantly
>after calling 9001 times they give me the dumbest raisins why im rejected
>still alone
>still have nothing
>still a total fucking loser
>hate where I live
>hate my self
why can't bourbon fix me?

>>36357181
Quit smoking cigarettes and you will feel better. Best way to quit is cold turkey. Give it two weeks and you won't crave.

Fucking shit, i hit a wine bottle into my bong and now it's cracked and leaking shit, i dropped my phone into the toilet last night and i have to work for another 2 FUCKING DAYS. I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT I WANT TO FUCKING DIE I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING JOB.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been on meds for about 4 years now and I'm still looking out my window trying to figure out if the fall is high enough for me to die lol

It doesn't get better.

>>36355418
Not very good but today was my first day of therapy so I'm hoping this last ditch effort before I kill my self turns things around. He looks like a complete Chad which intimidated me a little but he seems to genuinely be kind hearted/out to help people. Chads aren't all bad.

Recently lost my job after totaling my car and trying to work up the energy to get a new job just seems impossible right now.

>>36357406
I too am having problems finding jobs. Wish i had better advice, i'm sorry :(

>>36357352
That sounds pretty scary :(

>>36357457
Whats the job?

>>36357505
The same meds or?

>>36357508
Hey good luck my dude, i hope it all goes well. Hope you find a job soon

In 2 months I've put in over 20 applications, 3 resumes, and I've never heard anything back from anybody.

I've given up all hope of finding a job where I'm at so im just waiting for my tax return to be direct deposited so I can buy a plane ticket and move South.

>>36357531
I could find a job if I looked around here I live but i dont want to be here anymore and that why its fucking hard

>>36357567
Im also addicted to DPH and hate myself so doing anything is starting to get difficult honestly. At least orgasms feel good

I got fired from Saturday. I'd be more upset if I didn't have money saved up, but I'm really happy I have my nights back. Wouldn't mind picking up something small on the side while I continue acting.

>>36357536
what kind of jobs are you applying for?

>>36357567
Where are you planning on moving?
Whats DPH?

>>36357610
You're doing acting? Tell me about that

>>36357531
Yeah, they were working pretty good for the first 2 years but maybe I've built up a tolerance or something. I thought that only happened with antibiotics though

>>36357508
Good luck with therapy it can work. If you don't like your therapist after a few sessions make sure to switch because it won't work if you don't like the person.

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>>36357508
>>36357531

Thanks mate. I see your threads all the time but this is the first time I've posted in one. You're doing a public service by it and I thank you, I hope things improve for you as well and we all get out of this rabbit hole maze.

>>36357644
>where am I planning on moving?
Anywhere
>Whats DPH?
Nigga get real yo its sleeping pills

>>36357653
Might be time to switch, ive switched a ton

I literally can't make eye contact with anyone that I feel inferior to.
God life sucks.

>>36355418
Had a dream somebody loved me. Wanted to die all day.

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>Don't put me on cash
I said
>I'd be perfect working in the back end, produce, fish, or grocery because I can lift heavy things. I can also learn the deli and bakery relatively quickly
I said

I can't bag a grocery bag or count coins to save my fucking life. Just put me in the fucking back, it's the job I signed up for. The spitting images of Mads Mikkelsen and Revolver Ocelot work back there, let me fucking join them.

I CAN'T COIN CHANGE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee-uNg86JcE

>>36357610
What kind of acting? And what job did you get booted from?

>>36357531
Working for curry niggers at Woolies. Either that or being shit on by rich Chinese fucks who have turned their lives into the set of "friends" with daddy's money.

All my shit is breaking and i have no time to deal with it because i'm stuck in this downward spiral of shit. By the time i have a moment to look for another job, i have to fucking sleep for 2-3 days straight just to recover for another shit week of working with useless cunts surrounded by useless cunts.

All my friends have disowned me and the only way out is to just fucking die at this point. I'm so sick of all this bullshit.

>>36357662
Thanks brother, I'll keep that in mind. He reminds a little of an old best friend I fell out with which is nice, and may double as the male role model I never had. He was a really good guy so I'm hopeful.

>>36357668
thats all i ask for

>>36357696
It took me YEARS to be able to make eye contact. You just have to practice my dude

>>36357705
thats always the worst

>>36357726
Grocery stores for some reason always want to put everyone on the register
They tried to put me on one once and i just told them i wasnt trained and they didnt want to train me

>>36357680
Why do you still not have enough skelememes to post one with every post? I'm really disappointed.

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>>36357795
They say it's because everyone needs to be able to work upfront at crunch time, but fuck. They're tossing me right into the deep end during one of the busiest days (let alone weeks) for my first time.

>>36357763
Nice my therapist was a pretty chill dude who would call me out on bullshit like making excuses. Male role models are really important. My therapist also recommended the gym which was instrumental in helping me deal with anger

>>36357803
because im honkin lazy dood

>>36357834
god thats pretty shitty of them
i hate that thinking so bad

>>36357726
I feel your pain anon. I can't even into single digit math when I'm flustered which is nearly 100% of the time. It's fucking hell.

>>36357858
So you finally admit you're not depressed, just lazy? Well, it's a step forwards, anon. One step at a time.

>>36357644
Construction, farming, warehouse, accounts payable, even fast food and retail.

I have a solid work history but I have a GED and that seems to be the Scarlet letter on me that I'll never get past.

Makes me really wish I'd ran away from home and continued high school instead of dropping out to support my mom.

>>36357897
>dropping out to support your mom

Are you stupid?

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I am dealing with pretty horrible depression lately due to being unemployed for a couple weeks now.

Tomorrow I have an interview that's exciting but a little intimidating. It's with NBC for a summer internship. no joke.

Interviews (similar to blind dates) can be tough for me because I have cerebral palsy. I walk with a cane and get anxious meeting new people. I know they're judging me and possibly taken aback by my condition.

Once I sit down and start talking, I'm fine. I am pretty good at interviews. I just hate feeling that I appear weak or lesser during interviews because of my disability. Of course most people will tell you "it doesn't matter," but unfortunately it still matters to me.

I am just going to go in there and have fun. try not to put too much pressure on myself. It's amazing that they liked my portfolio and want to meet me in the first place.

thoughts anyone?

tl;dr interviewing with NBC tomorrow - help

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>>36357858
>I hate that thinking so bad
Even worse is they wanted me to get my direct deposit form from my bank but the bank was closed for Easter so I'm not seeing the money from my first days for a solid two weeks to a month but I've got bills to pay.

>>36357872
It's honestly embarrassing.
I can troubleshoot and repair a broken electrical circuit, I can calculate different Electrical related math questions almost without a calculator. I can't count coins in my hand or count out odd change amounts without pausing and having to recheck it over and over.

I miss my free-time. I come home and let me dog up on my bed and stay there until it's time to sleep. The only redeeming quality is a qt there way out of my league. I'd rather join the army but it takes months to a year in my country.

What kind of stuff do you guys put on resumes?
I've never made one before, all my life I've just done odd jobs for family.
When I see I have to include references, I give up hope inside because I don't know anyone...

>>36357884
one day ill be good

>>36357897
Where do you live where a GED isnt good enough? Around here its a golden ticket
Also wow, supporting your mom thru high school thats really hard

>>36357931
Hey man thats great! Its going to go fantastic. And I could see how living with a disability could wear down on you, just from public interaction alone.I suppose the way to do it is to show them how strong you are despite it. If you are good at interviewing that should put their minds at rest.
Good luck my dude

>>36357966
Wew thats double garbage

>>36357989
Jobs mostly. I need to build a special one thats more of a portfolio but im lazy

>>36358012
One day? MAKE IT NOW, NOT TOMORROW, NOT ONE DAY, BUT NOW. There's no such thing as motivation. There's only discipline.

Get out there and get a good job and find a nice girl. Hopefully she's not already getting gangbanged by Chads after giving up on waiting for someone like you.

>get a job
>have to deal with people for 4 to 8 hours daily
>one day off a week
>so tired after shift that I immediately have to go to sleep every day

At least i'm making money I guess, but what is even the point if I am too tired to do anything afterwards, and I still have no friends or prospects for making any?

another day of wagecucking closer to a lonely death my friend

>>36355418
Doing better but nofap is leaving me constantly frustrated. Only the Lord is helping me to continue on at this point because I would've gave in already in my own strength.

May the lord grant me further victories so I may finally end this terrible addiction.

>>36357354
Wtf is trade school
Can't you just go and apply for a trade
God Americans have the shittest systems in place

>>36358046
lol

>>36358255
Maybe its time to find a new job?

>>36358266
man the theme of tonight seems to be jobs. I guess thats because its monday

>>36357922
Her unemployment and disability paid the rent, but the money she got for me was cut when I turned 17 ( I was adopted) so I had to get a job to buy luxuries like food and clothes and car insurance.
I was working nights and then going to school, but my hours were cut and the only way to make them up was working overnights, mornings, days etc so I just took the 4 tests to get my GED.
Maybe I am dumb, but my scores were so high that I got a college credit for each test, so if I'm ever in the position to get secondary education, id get a diploma a little bit quicker I suppose.
>>36358012
I live in wasilla alaska. I call the places I apply to and they either tell me they'll call me back or to call them later or they conveniently "lost" my application.

There are farms and auto repair shops in Palmer and in summers past i've just walked in and asked if they needed extra hands and started work immediately.

I figure if I go south I can easily do that again and start life somewhere new.

>>36358283
>t. person who doesn't know shit about anything

Canadian but the system is pretty much the same in the States
>Apply for entry level apprenticeship
>Work X amount of hours (registered with Union or other central body) as what's essentially an unskilled labourer
>Apply for Trade School (College, not University) for your first year
>Depending on trade/state/etc you may get payed on various work welfare things
>Return to work as a First Year Apprentice with a large pay increase
>Do the same for Second, Third years after a certain amount of hours
>Do Fourth Year, take huge exam, receive your Red Seal and become a Journeyman

>>36358281
yeah its hecking hard
good luck dood

>>36358283
no clue

>>36358323
Wow, alaska. Yeah, that might be for the best.

>>36358287
I just got this job two months ago though and I restart school at a community college in six months so i will have to stop anyway at that point.

I'm just a little bitter that people have always been telling me to make positive changes in my life and then I will feel better, and I have only ever felt worse after making them.

>>36357268
Hobbies like what? Whenever I try to think of anything to make myself more normie none of the hobbies that advertise a lifestyle that would be attractive to other people appeal to me at all, I just like the usual shit other people on here do (anime/video games/I used to read alot)

>>36358340
I mean I understand but I just learn on the job and get paid
I'm not even fully qualified and get $800 a week which is plenty for me as I'm 21
Americucks at it again
Also why is the American economy so shit

>>36358507
>I just learn on the job and get paid
What are you doing? No reputable business (let alone a Union business) is hiring someone without proper schooling/certification

>>36358431
Yeah theres no golden ticket to feeling better unfortunately :(

Have to do loads of shit today, when I'd rather just sleep.

>>36358323
You need to go get a diploma, brother. Mothers are nothing special. Even insects manage to breed. Mine was a piece of shit too and I blew that coop ASAP. I don't care about or even talk to her anymore.

>>36355418
Holy fuck so much better. I don't know why but my depression has been so much better in the last couple of weeks.

>>36358568
I really don't understand why people put so much stock into family, that mentality will keep you down as an individual much longer than circumstance

>>36355418
Saw how bad my acne scars are and it just ruined my day I genuinely want to die

>>36358478
You have to get outside or at least in some sort of gym. Getting outside is so crucial. Humans are animals who need time outside. I fish, hike, and bike and I'm 21. Most people my age don't go outside and the people I have met outside while fishing ECT have been the best friends. People who spend time outside are good people. I would highly recommend an outdoor hobby. Start walking in the park or learn a new sport. Anything from birdwatching to snowboarding.

>>36355418
Not sure how I make it through any days anymore. I already suffer the embarrassment of living from my car. Im just another dog at work that nobody gives a shit about. I have no friends and no future.

>>36358555
Sure there is! Do some push-ups, skeleton man! They're a good anti-depressant. Do some sets everyday and you'll start to feel better and more masculine!

>>36358559
thats always the worst
can you sleep now?

>>36358570
thats great! Has anything changed?

>>36358608
can you get them fixed?

>>36358603
I do. My dad's half of the family is great and even some of my mother's family. I enjoy being with and talking to them and holidays and doing things with them since they're all positive well-to-do people. They must be good people if they're willing to endure my sadsack self.

>>36357966
And I forgot the sign in/out system.
I have to sign in with a phone somewhere in the store within a +/- 2 minutes (7:59, 8:00, 8:01) anytime I have a break/lunch. If I sign in too early or too late I have to call a manager and explain myself.

>>36358652
Same my mom's side is mentally fucked even though they all went to Yale or Harvard and sent their kids to Dartmouth. They are so smart yet so retarded. My dad's side has family problems but everyone is possible like you said. They don't judge people the same way my mom's side does and they are from. The south and mom's side from Connecticut.

>>36358630
Probably not I don't want to spend thousands of dollars to see little to no results guess I'll just have to live with them

>>36358628
i need to exercise, but i recently lost all my equipment and that kinda discourages me
also i'd rather be femme

>>36358777
ah, that sucks :(

>>36358546
I thought that was how trades work
Thats how they mostly work in Australia and we're just fine lol
>hurr durr i think i know everything

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>>36357966
>satanic dubs

It was nice knowin ya anon.

But in a serious note some people just get sensory overload, like autistic people. I've been told I'm probably on the spectrum just never diagnosed. You just can't think with distractions and it's okay. Just remember to breathe and this is all just a simulation in a 4th dimenionsal beings mind.

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>>36358900
>Australia
>The land of dropping wires down walls with no straps or ties to polls/studs

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>>36358708
>when going to work is like checking in to prison

I'm 26'and just can't do this shit anymore. There was supposed to be more to life than this.

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>>36359039
I make what equals out to $8USD in one of the most expensive cities in my country. I will never own property or vacation. I live on an island and the only way off is by a ferry that charges out the ass.

I'm a right wing Conservative and I'm almost tempted to vote Socialist in my provincial elections, they promised universal basic income and a cut to ferry prices. I feel like I'm betraying everything I stand for but I can't go on with this.

>>36358797
You don't need any equipment to do push-ups and sit-ups and running, anon. You know that! Also if you like to be femme I'd like to bully you.

The xanax is arriving tommorow, it looks like my depression will be temporarily cured for awhile

>>36359263
Well, guess what, anon? You can move to somewhere where the cost of living is cheaper and get along like that like pretty much every normal person does. The modern world isn't only globalized but mobilized. You have options and if you're truly a conservative you shouldn't be the sort of person who resigns themselves to defeat instead of proactive choice.

>>36359275
>You don't need any equipment to do push-ups and sit-ups and running, anon. You know that!
yeahhh
>Also if you like to be femme I'd like to bully you.
l e w d

>>36359285
yeah its helpful, but easy to get addicted to

>>36358652
The thing is is not everybody's family is full of good people

in fact thanks to the majority of people in general being shit it means the odds of someone having a decent family and coming from good stock is astronomically low

cherish what you have anon

>>36358616
sounds like a pretty good way to get fit, coming from 5"10 207

thank you anon, sounds like something worth looking into

>>36359309
What, aren't you serious about being femme? Cough up some contact you depressed fuck.

>>36359418
i mean ideal me would be a cute girl, but that wont happen
>Cough up some contact you depressed fuck.
also wow is that anyway to get a girls number? :3c

>>36359389
Definitely look into it and if get outside for an hour a day and when you get back you won't feel so shut in. You are welcome, hope you find a hobby

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>>36355418
My depression is so bad it doesn't even hurt anymore. It doesn't feel like anything anymore.

Nothing feels like anything anymore.

At any given moment, I'm just waiting for the day to end. I'm never actually here. Just spacing out, waiting for time to pass.

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>>36359495
No, it's a super terrible way, but at least it's an effort. Besides, you can be trained and exercised into a nice pretty shape. You'd be happier like that.

>>36359299
>can barely afford to feed himself off that money most likely

How determined are you to dispense this kind of pseudo wisdom so you can pat yourself on the back. You literally know no nothing about his life and circumstances and assume everything. There isn't a one size fits all solution.

>>36359611
hey bby negging works ;3c
But for real i do have a discipline issue thats being fueled by my NEEThood

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>>36359647
Hey man, if you want to just give the fuck up that's on you. If billions of below average fucks can make it so can you. We both know that you know deep down you have no real excuse and you're just a lazy give-up loser.

But hey, at less there's less competition for nice pussy with every fag that drops out of the race.

Remember this on your deathbed, faggot bitch.

>>36359648
Yeah, duh. That's what is wrong with 95% of this board. The other 5% are actual super crazy fucks that do hate women and "Chads."

A good chunk of you are just failed males that would be better off living like girls. Pretty much everyone wins.

>>36359727
the term failed males cracks me up

>>36359944
It should. They're worth of derision and laughter. It's not hard at all to live up to what society expects of a man.

>>36359702
Can you kill me then

>>36359972
im not huge on the idea of gender expectations. I think the ideals that society traditionally sought in men should be sought in all.

>>36359994
Naw. Making you live a whole natural life is a much more torturous thing than killing you. Enjoy the ride.

>>36360006
You didn't have a father when you were growing up, did you?

I bought a bunch of adderall and felt happy for the first time in 3 years today, you guys should try it

>Still succeeding in almost everything I do
>Still tfw no gf
>Still want to die

Life is a sick joke desu.

>>36360033
I did, and he raised me very well. We don't always get along or see eye to eye but i respect him and i'm glad he was there for me

>>36360049
i havent done adderall in 4eva

>>36360071
Sucks how even success doesnt always work

>>36360167
I'm super surprised that Dad was there and you somehow turned out like this. Anyways, I'll be around again the next time you make this thread.

Someday you'll crack and accept your life as a femme cocksucker.

>3am
How do you guys sleep without drugs?

I have to be up for days on end before I crash and can finally sleep. Constantly feel awful.

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>>36357579
>Dph
That's some deep shit friend. I was addicted to it for a while. If you take enough of it you basically go into a waking nightmare for 10-12 hours. I would do +600mg doses because the nightmares I saw while tripping would end after 12 hours. The nightmare that is my life keeps going forever. I can't offer much advice since I've only gotten worse, but I hope shit starts turning around for you

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How thick does a rope need to be to hang yourself with?
Alternatively is there a way to do it with this shit?
>inb4 le don't do it xd

>>36360206
I mean, i'm a masc cocksucker right now dude. I'd like to be femme but maybe next life, i'm nowhere near upset with being male rn except i'd like to be more in shape
tfw every gay is super fit and im thicc in a bad way

>>36360209
You should definately see a doctor my dude

>>36360242
my best friend hanged himself with his belt in his closet

>>36360242
so i guess what im saying is that it doesnt have to be that thick

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHriginal

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>>36360249
That's one of the harshest truths to accept as a gay man; that if you're into femme males there are almost zero sane ones even in big cities. They're unicorns for all accounts and purposes.

>tfw all you want to do is rut into a femmeboi a few times a week and love him but it'll never happen

And welcome to why I'm in this thread.

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>>36359561
Same here. I just lay in bed all day. I really feel like I'm just waiting to die. But it never comes.

>>36360242
Whats the reason?
That looks plenty thick though, unless you got massive neck

>>36356851
I know this helplessness. My life has followed the same pattern for so long throughout all changes, it extinguishes my ability for altering my motivation. Especially when I noticed the patterns in my motivation.

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>>36360324
Yeah. I mean I'm super into dating ill femboys because lol all my friends have mental illness, but they're hard to find
>TFW qt transgirl asks you out
>Tfw they're on the otherside of the globe

>>36360343
Yeah obviously that's thick enough it's fucking metal, but I can't tie a knot with it
The other rope I have is about the same diameter (~5mm) but I don't think it'll hold my weight

>>36360242
That's steel cordage, retard. If you tried to hang yourself with that you'd just hurt your throat and look like the world's biggest retard in the ER.

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I work for the next 6 months, then i make my way to yucatan from america, to get on a boat. After that, spain, to mainland europe.
After that idk. Ill have 25k-35k and the world ahead of me.
At the moment my only real goal is to not get arrested or killed.
Im also going to try to go the next week without getting high.
I hit 325 bench at it still feels meaningless.
I keep reading books but it just makes me lust for a time when men got into lines and stabbed each other. It aint pretty, but its better than this distopian hell where nothing means anything and nobody can properly talk about anything.
I really dislike the internet. Cell phones too. If i cant go back to BC, at least let me go back before the internet.

I want to march into the enemys land
I want to sing the devils song
But the time has passed and the red has washed over the world.
The white dove may fly over the earth
But i sit with my rifle
Humming the devils song.

>>36360576
Alright then I won't
Since you seem to be the resident expert here could you have a crack at my other question so I know whether or not I need to go to the hardware store

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>>36360603
Are you me? Everything in this world is so inhuman, so disconnected. I just wish I could be free from my fellow man. I wish I could be a Savage animal that knows how to survive, how to kill, how not to be killed. Instead I'm locked away in this fucking zoo. Not allowed to go anywhere, as that is a privilege for those with land and money, not allowed to own land, not allowed to have a family, not allowed to be my own person, but instead the same fucking cookie cutter bullshit that goes from kindergarten to college to career sucking everyone off and being grateful to be granted the privilege to do so. I don't want to be trapped in this zoo. I don't want to play these stupid fucking monkey games. I don't want to work bullshit monkey jobs until the day I die in order to have the privilege to rent a one room apartment to continue my meager existence as a subservient piece of fucking shit. I hate this world as much as it is possible for a man to truly hate anything. The only thing that keeps me alive is my hatered of it, for I hate this shit hole more than I hate myself. I stay alive just to spite this fucking zoo

>>36360696
You dont need a rope
Just exit bag

>>36360821
Yeah but I have a rope and I don't have an exit bag

>>36360891
If you have disposable income just buy a shotgun. With hanging you gotta figure out a bunch of bullshit like neck-break drop height and find an anchor strong enough to hold you etc.

Guns you just pull the trigger and that's it. You can do it anywhere on a moments and success odds are above 99%

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>>36360802
Theres still the foreign legion. I think ill join when my travel funds dry up.
I still hunt, but its not as fun knowing ill eat whether or not i manage to kill something.
The most annoying thing is not being able to use my aggression for any real purpose.
I train, but in the end i just look better and get stronger.
I work, but in the end i just get more numbers in the imaginary value account.
I could fuck, but its just like mssturbsting with a giant fleshlight unless i love the girl, but ive never loved a girl. Their brains get pulled in the stupidest directions, and basic truths are lost to them.
My male friends at least listen to my rants, and even applaud my rhetoric and oration, but they dont understand what im really saying. What i really want. Nobody does, and i sure as hell dont.
Maybe i just want to have my head bashed in by some other dude. As long as he gives me a shot at him first

There is nothing in this world that cannot be made better. There is nothing in this world that is truth, just the lie i buy into.
Give me a goddamn leader i can follow. Give me something to live for. Give me something to die for.

>>36360969
Trust me anon if I could get a shotgun I wouldn't be here trying to figure out how to hang myself

>>36360988
If you've got a background that would block legal purchase there's always private vendors.

If guns are truly off the table i urge you to look into carbon monoxide poisoning via burning charcoal. It's not necessarily fast but it is pretty painless and reliable if you set it up right.

>>36361047
Look anon I'm a broke dumbass neet living in the middle of bumfuck nowhere in a country with strict as fuck gun laws

If a suicide method involves firearms, more than like $20, access to fanciful resources like helium tanks and cpap equipment, or the slightest bit of intelligence, it's absolutely off the table

Hanging is the only thing I'm confident I won't find a way to fuck up if, and only if, I have a rope that I know can support my weight, so I'll ask one last time. Does anyone here have any idea how thick a rope needs to be to hang yourself with?

>>36361255
3/4 inches to 1 1/4 inches

If you've truly got zero funds decapitation by train is free. If you're committed to hanging then you'll also need to calculate a specific rope length and drop distance based on your weight to insure it works

>>36361255
You could borrow a bunch of money, moron. It's not like you're going to be paying that shit back. What's wrong, not the brave nihilist you thought you were? Thought so.

Accept your Lord and Savior before you be the ultimate idiot.

>>36361365
You're either lying or going to end up an actual retard.

I hope you don't make the wrong choice.

>>36361365
Well fuck
I feel like causing a huge inconvenience to everyone using public transport would just make me more of a piece of shit than I already am but I've got to go to the train station to have any chance of getting to a hardware store anyway so I guess I'll toss it up after the long ass fucking walk there
Thanks anon

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>>36355418
Doing fucking awful, thanks for asking OP.

Homeless for 2 months with no end in sight, but have job.
Like a girl, serves as a light in my dim life right now. A bit of hope when id lost all hope.

Today I learnt she doesn't give a shit about me and isn't attracted to me.

I realized my coworkers don't give a shit about me either.

Neither do my parents who live in another country and I haven't seen in years.

My life is a pile of wreckage and I was using an infatuation on a girl as a reason to look away but I can't look away anymore, I have nothing left to do but confront the tyre fire that is my life.

i'm gonna jump

i feel like a piece of shit today
i didn't attend funeral of one of my family members because i felt like having panic attack

>>36363266
that's ok
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHEJ8TH_XRM

>>36361477

No, it's called a drop hang, and it was calculated back in the old west US because regular hanging was seen as too cruel. So some smart fellow figured up the necessary force in pounds to break a human neck, which is roughly 1600. You then divide that number by your weight, and that is the number in feet of rope it takes to snap your neck and kill you very quickly if not instantly. Also if you drop hang from a sufficiently high distance you will rip your goddamn head off.

Fucking google, 'tard. Use it sometime.

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I've been taking 5mg of Lexapro for over 2 years and it hasn't done anything. But I'm too scared of getting off for withdrawal symptoms.

Pls help

>>36363266
I didn't even attend my dad's funeral because I have a fear of driving long distances, as well as anxiety around people I don't know. I don't think I missed much honestly, either way he's gone forever.

>>36355418
Bretty bad OP. I made the mistake of looking mat myself in the mirror this morning and have been down since. Such is the ugly life.
Also, I haven't been taking my pills cause I feel bad when I do. Feel like throwing up and that they don't really do anything for me.
And they don,t right?
I mean, if your problems are in your head, I get it, pills help.
But I have other shit. I'm shit. My life is shit. Pills can't change that.

>>36363188
I'm sorry anon...
Maybe is the Sandman pic, but I really feel for you...

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>>36355418
death is a good band

I wish I had more pills so I could finish what I started. I can't renew my prescription fast enough.