/cripplingdepression/ general

>>36328739
At least you didn't get drunk like me and send lewd audios to all my female contacts and then I went home and puked in front of my parents while I was convinced I was going to die because I feared that I drank too much and I panicked the whole night. Also next week I'm going to an anime convection but I'm going to sneak with some vodka inside a bottle of water since I can no longer enjoy my weeb things if I'm not drunk.

>>36328813
Jeeze, you might have an alcohol problem my dude.
Also most people at anime cons are drunk anyways

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>>36328739
Im 18 years old and balding heavily. Every time I comb my hair I see 30 little hairs falling in the sink. I cant even have a good haircut anymore, because my hairline has gotten much higher and my hair is thinning on front...

Im ugly, not particularly intelligent, a manlet, ugly, and in school(tech school).

I should just kill myself.

>>36328831
>Also most people at anime cons are drunk anyways

Weebs think that I'm a normie because I drink, but they don't realize that alcoholism is a very Robot thing.

>>36328945
Its probably time to just go bald. That look usually looks better than the balding look.
How tall are you if you dont mind me asking?

But why that skelly wearing a snuggy tho

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holy fug, you're still alive! Glad to see you still kickin' skelly!

>>36328999
Weebs drink all the time, anyone whos yelling at you is a fake weeb

>>36329019
gotta stay warm

>>36329053
haha yeah still alive, thanks man!

I want a friend so bad.

Being alone is sad.

>>36329001
Im not in the phase to shave it off.
It doesnt look like Im balding because I have just discovered it, but I know. I cant style my hair like I used to, etc.

I'm 5'8" from a country where the average is 5'7".

>>36329218

Why? People suck.

>>36328739
I AM SO ITCHY AND HOT! MAKE IT STOP SKELE PLS!

>>36329218
Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could use to make friends?

>>36329220
Thats not too bad, especially if you're above average in your country

>>36329251
Take a shower!

>>36329234
I don't know. I just wish someone would be there to tell me things are okay and stuff. Do you not like having friends?

>>36329259
I mean I enjoy the standard games, music, reading, etc. It's just most of my taste in them is too different from people outside of 4chan.

I also usually end up spilling my spaghetti when trying to talk to people. I just got out of high school, I was the kid that sat alone at lunch for 4 straight years.

Hangover anxiety is a very real thing. I drank last night for the first time in months and I feel guilty as fuck today. Fuck alcohol.

>>36328739
I'm very drunk right now and watching dirty pair. again I just want qt gf, I have no idea how to get one, I've never even had a regular friend so I have no idea how I'd ever get a gf. I wish I could talk to people without spilling spaghetti and making a complete fool of myself, I at least look normie and I've had people approach me for conversation before the closest thing I have to a friend right now is a guy who went to my HS who ended up going to the same uni as me who occasionally invites me out to lunch so he has someone to vent about his gf too., but they rarely come back after talking to me once. I feel like if I could make just one genuine friend my life would be so much better but how to even begin with that baffles me, it's like I'm a fucking alien.

>>36329259
I have seen these threads around here since 2 years ago.

Mind if you talk a little about yourself? We talked about us but I really want to know about you.

How old, how tall, how fat, where from, whats your outlook at life, etc.

Balding manlet

>>36329380

I don't have friends, the only people I interact with are my family and I can just barely tolerate them. If I had the resources I would spend the rest of my days in complete isolation.

I'm currently very drunk and feel alone.
Do I win anything?
Will I get a (you)?

>>36329467
You're talking to me though anon

>>36329469
What did you have?

Can you recommend me some good drinks? I just started drinking.

I want something that can make me drunk but not in an instant.

>>36329380
You tried meeting friends online? That might help some, thats where most of mine are

>>36329429
Do you have any hobbies that would let you get friends? Something you're passionate about and could direct focus to? Thats how i've mad emost of my friends

>>36329432
Theres not much to say. I'm from missouri, i've been suffering from depression and anxiety since i was little, and now i do these threads because i think everyone deserves something to listen to them.
Facts wise im six feet 200 lbs (i need to lose weight badly), im always optimistic when it comes to everyone but me and i really wish i had a boyfriend
thats it

>>36329469
If you wanna talk im here for you

I've been smoking weed more to try and get over a girl I talked to online for two years. She stopped messaging a few months ago, I decided to reverse image search and I found that she/he catfished me. This was the only person I felt a connection with, I don't have any feelings for most of my real friends. Drugs haven't been helping as much, and last night I got heartburn from eating to much from the munchies. Tried sleeping but ended up throwing up in the form hallway. Cleaned it up by myself in the middle of the night. Did my laundry since I couldn't sleep. I would drink away my sadness but haven't been able to drink heavily after a bad night last semester. I'm in a rut and am losing motivation. Waking up and getting to class can be a struggle some days. When will the pain and robots?

>>36328945
What tech school do you go to anon?

>>36329518
6 16oz 7% beers in about two hours without eating today.
So just under a gallon of high % beer.
Drink screwdrivers and work up to purple vikings or irish trashcans.

>>36329523
I forgot how to care. I started school again in 2016 and have gotten straight As, but this semester I just stopped feeling like it mattered and have been drinking stupidly heavy again and everythings gone to shit

>>36329505

I guess but it's different because we're anonymous.

who else does coke and shit

>>36329523
I dont mean to sound intrusive, but you mentioned you wanted a bf.

Are you gay?

>>36329532
I don't get that.

Whats the point of catfishing someone for 2 years? Wouldn't you just come out and admit it after a few months if you're not trying to scam?

>>36329532
I get heartburn in the morning from weed munchies a lot.

I've never had a personnel connection though. I'm assuming a sane person would tell you to treasure the time you did spend with them, and move on. They are gone, but the connection you had regardless of their identity was "real".

I wish I had any friends at all.

>>36329588
You might wanna stop drinking so much, that might help you care again

>>36329601
naw sorry

>>36329623
Yeah i'm queer for the most part. Up for dating girls but idk if i'd do it again

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>>36329523
>Do you have any hobbies that would let you get friends? Something you're passionate about and could direct focus to?
I've posted this in unigen before but whatever I'm interested in gaming, animu, drawing and writing, I've went to several clubs in my uni in an attempt to make friends but people seemed to approach each other and pair off naturally without ever approaching me, and I've never had a friend or even normal conversation really so I have no idea how to approach them, I remember hearing one of the groups talking at an esports club meeting looking for a supp for league (which I main) I tried talking to them but I just fucking spaghetti'd everywhere and they couldn't even decide if I was speaking english, I genuinely have no idea how people work outside the internet. I wish there was an easy to follow guide to people out there for fucking useless spergs like me.

>>36329469
>Will I get a (you)?

no

>>36329601
I've done coke a couple times when my dealer comes over, but I get extremely scared because my heart rate sky rockets and I can't stop noticing it. I know its supposed to, but my paranoia sets in and I think I'm dying.

>>36329664
...hey wait a minute!

>>36329657
>You might wanna stop drinking so much
nah not doing that

>>36329674
i love mixing coke and xanax highly recommend

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been struggling alot more with anxiety as a college student, where I'll be living next year is uncertain and I can't think about it without feeling sick to my stomach even though I know it will probably work out

not only that but I'm majoring in Comp Sci and bad at math and I'm not sure what I'm going to do

could be worse I guess

>>36329660
Dude, are you me?

I literally did the same thing.

I pulled my phone out and said I had to go and ran out. I quit league after that I felt so fucking ashamed.

>>36329647
I don't get it either anon. I thought they loved me. I'm hoping I can move on soon but it's been months.
I can be your friend anon, if you want..

>>36329703
I didn't know CS was going to be 96% math either anon.

I barely passed HS math classes. I should have gone with info tech.

>>36329660
Uni clubs are pretty shitty. for the most part. THe ones ive been to before.
Have you tried therapy for your social anxiety problems? That might help a bit, it would for sure help with understanding how social interactions work.

>>36329685
Be safe then

>>36329703
Get on anxiety meds, they've literally changed my life for the better

>>36328813
>i can no longer enjoy my weebs things if I'm not drunk

that's your grown up side telling you to stop

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>>36329713
>I quit league after that I felt so fucking ashamed.
Holy shit I literally did the same, after seeing all the guys at the meeting being so excited to play and exchanging ign's I haven't really played since, I felt like I just didn't belong anymore

I'm not happy nor sad, I just am.

>>36329735
I thought about doing IS or IT but it kind of feels like those are for people that were too stupid to do CS

maybe we are

>>36329760
>Get on anxiety meds, they've literally changed my life for the better

I don't have health insurance and I've never dealt with an issue like this before so I don't know what I would be getting myself into going to a doctor and attempting to get a prescription

I do think I need them though

>>36329767
not him but I've quit League recently and it has changed my life for the better. not spending 3-6 hours a day angry at other people for something that's out of my control will do you wonders.

>>36329720
I mean sure.

I'm here to talk whenever you want too.

>>36329767
If you want we can play together sometime.

I think about playing again, but not alone.

>>36329784
are you content?

>>36329813
Try to find some, doesnt have to be xanax or anything, the stuff im on does wonders

>>36329844
Is there any way you want to keep on touch? Steam, kik?

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>>36329760
>Have you tried therapy for your social anxiety problems?
I want to go to therapy so fucking bad, I've though I've had depression for the longest, but I'm an american on my parents insurance and they don't believe in mental health, admittedly I've never told them about it, but the way my mother treated her sister after she attempted suicide them got diagnosed with chronic depression made me scared as fuck to, she called her and straight up told her to quit being an attention whore and cheer the fuck up a couple of times in a row. I can't hold down a real job thanks to anxiety so at this point which my mother knows since she got me my online job so I'm totally dependent on her so I just have to find a way to get over it on my own at this point.

>>36329887

>are you content?

God no.

>>36329913
could you talk to your aunt about i tmaybe? Have someone to relate to at least?
Also try maybe a community counselling centre near you?
I go to one for free because i make no money at all

>>36329925
same desu

>>36329948
>could you talk to your aunt about i tmaybe?
She lives a country away and I've only met her a few times so probably not,

>Also try maybe a community counselling centre near you?
>I go to one for free because i make no money at all
never even heard of those, I know there's a psych on campus we get a few free sessions with but there always book up and it's staffed by students which just makes it worse

>>36329913
Self medicate with xans

>>36329994
You should at the very least try that then.
I went to one when i was in school and it helped me

>>36329944
I just messaged you anon

>>36328739
my brother joked about me being unemployed at family Easter dinner

it hurts that he'd do that more than it shames me

>>36329948

And even though I'm in a blank state I don't know what to do to make myself "happy". I don't yearn for anything besides a few materialistic things, I don't want friends, I don't want sex, I don't want a girlfriend.

>>36330017
:(
everyone around me knows not to joke about me being unemployed because its a sensitive topic to me
ur brother is a shithead

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>>36330008
>You should at the very least try that then.
I have I've cancelled every time, I go to a smaller school and since it's staffed by students I'm too afraid of it being spread around by the people who work the clinic. Although I know the guy who went to my HS went recently so I plan on questioning him on how it goes next time he calls me to vent about his gf(s).

>>36330067
They wont spread it, i can promise you that. That would be a very easy way for them to get kicked out of school

>>36329787
At least I would be enjoying learning for the first time in my life.

It's not like I need a ton of money and a degree in IT would be fine.

I'd trade it all away for a single friend anyway.

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>tried to kill myself with pills
>didn't work
>put in the 'hospital' for 4 months
>talked to a bunch of shrinks
>tried a multitude of pills
>entire family did some intervention thing where they all told me how much they love me and ect.
>finally get back home
>want to kill myself even more than before

when does the ride stop?

>>36330393
Sometimes I wish my family would just come out and tell me they are tired of putting up with me, and to fuck off and die.

Then I could just go and die with no guilt.

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iwefalfijkaos

>>36328739
eh i slept crying and then i laughed in the middle to the end of the day and then sad again. i have a burning empty hole of saddness.

>>36330393
Was there a point where you felt better at all? During that time

>>36330641
How long have you felt like that?

i'm doing well. i've decided to come here in the hopes of meeting a nice shut-in girl.

>>36330679
Same except i want a shut in boy

>>36330670
Some of the drugs I took would get me extremely high, but then almost as low as I am now. I don't have enough money to stay on them anyway.

>>36330708
what a coincidence. do you have discord?

I took a bunch of seroquel and slept for about 20 hours. Then I got drunk and watched hockey with my brother. Pretty decent day.

I love you skele.

>>36328813
if you're past drinking age and you're not drinking at cons you are legitimately autistic

>>36330715
No insurance?

>>36330763
Yes, but im not a girl.

>>36330781
wew be safe
love you too

>feel complete despair and hatred for my choices in life
>know deep down this is legitimately entirely my fault and I have to live with my decisions
Loving every laugh right now because at this point I now just try and get through the day and my only solace from this feeling is the few minutes before I fall asleep where I pretend I'll wake up years ago with my memories intact

>>36330795
>love you too

Don't say that unless you mean it. I really love you skele.

>>36330795
I can be your shut-in boy

>>36330795
No insurance. It doesn't matter I wouldn't keep up with them anyway.

>>36330829
what kinda things are you into?post discord

>>36330818
What has happened in your life to get you to this point? Can you reverse it?

>>36330823
<3

>>36330858
:( That sucks

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>>36330891
Life sucks
Born to die
World is a fuck
end it all 2017

>>36330927
id wear that on a shirt desu

>>36330891
><3

>tfw I posted my Steam in a crippling depression general months ago but skele had already left for the night and I stopped coming to /r9k/ to preserve my sanity

I guess we'll never be friends.

>>36330970
i'm sorry my dude, if you post it again i'll add you
I dont usually see steam profiles here

>>36330891
Depressing music, vidya, programming, reading, staying at home, cute boys.

I've only used discord like twice desu so i don't know if I own a channel

>>36330994
I can't. It was brought to my attention that I am human garbage and I'm too embarrassed to post my Steam on /r9k/ ever again.

>>36330053
thanks. we have literally never had a conversation in 25 years of my life, him being a few older. I love him and wish we could relate. It hurts. My sister is even older, she was a cool older sister until she moved out when I was about ten. Then she vanished from my life. I just feel so unwanted and always have. parents hate each other and dad verbally abused us all. life is pointless with no family and I ruin all my friendships. if I were using hard drugs I feel like I'd be understood more.

>>36331022
well you can just give me your profile, no channel needed

>>36331030
:(
I dont think you're human garbage

>>36331050
have you ever told him how you feel? I bet he could relate to you more than you'd think

>>36331092
Tare#2089

Like that?

Sorry

>>36331216
yup, that should work

>>36328739
that's weird, i have crippling depression and alcohol makes me feel normal

I've been paying for a gym membership for two years and have gone for a month

It's planet fitness so you have to go in to cancel and I have way too much anxiety to do that especially if they see I barely even went

Probably spent almost $500 on not having to deal with it, but I'm at my breaking point

>>36329053
Of course, he's a tripfag, and feeds on your attention

Johnny Dole#9974

Pls add me skele, or anyone else who wants to make fun of me for being an drunk old NEET loser.

>>36331659
>Johnny Dole#9974
added

>>36331486
hell yes

>>36331452
Thats just what they want, thats why they do that

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let someone hurt me, which is exactly what they wanted
too much of a coward to do anything about it
currently on a no-cutting streak but i'm at my wits end

>>36331452
I can sympathize with your anxiety, anon. They will most likely ask why you have been paying for a subscription you don't use, and that's scary. Just say that you had plans that never came to fruition or something like that. They might not ask you anything at all, who knows.

the more you wait the more awkward it will be

>tfw severe, crippling depression
>tfw Idiopathic Hypersomnia
>tfw asleep 18 hours per day
>tfw remaining 6 hours are spent miserable because I feel guilty for sleeping too much
>tfw guilt fuels depression and depression fuels IH
>tfw vicious cycle

I did manage to leave the house today and get a pizza after I got tired of contemplating suicide. Counts for something, right?

>actually get around to measuring my height
>5 foot 4
>Already 20 so I'm not going to grow anymore

Kill me famalam

>>36331883
Was it good pizza anon?

>>36331886
If you get fit though or if you are already, it's not that bad. I've seen short as shit asians at my college with hot broads

>>36331694
What happened? Do you want to talk about it?

>>36331883
You probably need to see a doctor for that my dude

>>36331886
There are worse things to be than short my dude, although its not "ideal"

>>36332003
Quite good.

>>36332032
My appointment is Tuesday.

>have a qt grill friend who I have grown to love as I've known her
>she has said some pretty flirty things to me before and offered intimate conversation
>decide to tell her how I feel and ask if she feels anything for me
>literally the day I decide to, I see she is in a relationship but won't say with who
>do some probing, find out it's with my best friend
>they've been dating secretly for three months and kept it quiet to avoid causing drama in our friend group
>first thing she says when I tell her I know is "I know you have feelings for me, I don't want to hurt you, I want to stay friends"
>first thing he says when I talk to him is "I knew you had feelings for her, I'm really sorry if this hurts you, I don't want to push you away"

>I recognize that her relationship with him is probably better than whatever it would be with me, and nothing I can do can make her love me so there's nothing anyone can do about it
They are both great people, seem really happy together, and are both really concerned for how this is affecting me, so I really meant it when I said I wish them a long and happy relationship
Then why do I feel like I'm dying inside every time I see her face?

Robutts this may seem like it's barely ontopic but i don't feel like making my own thread: What's the best way to pick out a spot to kys? I want to find a place away from civilization where i could be alone to drink for a few hours before i do the deed.

>>36332920
they don't seem like great friends if they hid that from you , lol. I've been trough similar situation (me and friends being into the same girl friend), and while I was jealous of the friend who ended up with her, I would be infinitely more mad if they hid shit like that.

as to why you feel like that, it's probably because you "love" her. if they're good friends then it really shouldn't bother you much, but they probably aren't.

>>36332954
google maps nerd

try finding a guy to talk about your feelings with first
some really do feel a connection to every decent man

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>ive given myself so much drug induced brain damage that im no longer depressed, just disconnected

>>36333075
It wasn't to hide it from me. It was to hide it from others in our friend group who also had attractions to her and would take it badly if they knew.
They are good friends. I'm not upset because she loves him, I'm upset because she doesn't love me, if that makes any sense. He is irrelevant in this case. I'm actually glad it's him she fell for, there are some real pieces of shit in our social circles.

I gave up the neet life a year ago and got a job and tried to go back to community college to get a degree, I cut back my computer time which meant my only friend and I didn't really talk much. As all things do in my life, it fell apart. I lost my job and am now unable to afford to pay for classes so I'm dropping. And to top it all off my only friend off'd himself 2 weeks ago. Seriously, how can life be so cruel?

>>36333197

There's no escaping that feeling anon. You can either put up with it and hang out with them until the acid taints your heart black or you can do the reasonable thing and abandon that group of friends and try to find new ones. Take it from me, nothing but more pain will come from trying to remain friends with them. You may not feel it yet, but over time you'll be filled with such vitriolic jealousy that you'll cease to be the same person you are now. It'll only go down hill, I know it's not fair but life isn't fair. Don't make it some whole dramatic thing either, just distance yourself from them and don't answer their calls and don't hang out with them anymore. It's for the best, for everyone.

>>36333085
Already tried that shit m8, heard enough career advice and shit that doesn't make me not want to die.