Anhedonia

>>36326889
Yeah -- just long-term depression. Less depressed now but still pretty anhedonic.

>>36327370
I've heard depression often settles into apathy and Anhedonia. I've never experienced major depression, so I can't day which is worse.

But screw it, I'll write about it. My Anhedonia started a little over two years ago when I lost the ability to enjoy literature. It was the central part of my identity growing up, and I had a crisis over it for at least a year, until I realized other things were going away too. It seems obvious in hindsight, but I didn't notice at the time. Why? Because I had music. I used to browse /mu/ all day, and prided myself on my music knowledge and taste. While the rest of my life was drying up around me, it didn't matter when I could feel those old feelings through the power of music. So in a sense, it was a comfy life.

Last December was the last time I really loved an album. I had several amazing experiences that Fall/Winter, and after that, felt totally disconnected from music. After some dwelling on it, I figured out that every pleasure in my life had disappeared: Watching YouTube videos, podcasts, TV shows, eating chicken sandwiches, smelling that comfy smell of BBQ that hangs in the air sometimes. Even more obscure things like the joys of conversation, the comfy sound of falling rain, the comfy feeling of sadness, and sexual excitement. I've never had a gf before, but I hit it off really well with the perfect girl a few week ago, and felt nothing.

Right now, I'm doing the usual things: exercise, better diet, meditation. It has helped still my mind and made getting through the day easier, but I feel the base problem is still strong as ever. I'm stuck in the midst of Anhedonia, and I don't know what to do.

>>36326889
I do. hobbies seem like a lie to me. How could anyone enjoy exerting themselves in some way? It's been so long since it happened to me that I just can't remember what it was like. I feel so different from all the people here talking about playing video games or listening to music or going for walks. None of that gives me pleasure so I don't do it and I will never be able to fit in with normies as a result.

>>36327720

I've fallen into the apathy a while ago but I still enjoy eating and jerking off but I fear soon the anhedonia will soon then I will finally have to go through with killing myself.

>>36326889
No. Is it on sale on steam?

>>36327775
>How could anyone enjoy exerting themselves in some way?
I know what you mean. When I do things that feel good to most people, I either feel frustrated or feel nothing. Like, I've been playing Dark Souls lately, and I get frustrated when I get my shit kicked in, but when I win there's just nothing. It's been so long, the idea of having fun in video games is alien to me. Same with reading, it's just expending energy for no gain.

>>36327826
>eating and jerking off
Yup, those two. It's really hard to commit to a diet when it takes one of your only two pleasures.

>>36327827
That's the name of a game?

>>36326889
I'm not sure about anhedonia but I've reached crippling apathy levels. I have no motivation to do anything but sit browsing 4chan since it requires the least effort. I don't enjoy video games, movies or anime because watching or playing anything is so much effort i'd rather not bother. I really hate food and cooking or eating it so i've started to lose mad weight recently. The worst is fapping has become a chore and not even pleasurable. Regularly go weeks without fapping since my libido is nonexistent and I had my T levels checked and they were normal so wtf is going on.

Can somebody please make an /anh/ discord? I want to know people who feel the same as I do.

>>36326889
Yes.

My wife cheated and left. She is currently doing even worse in life than I am, but my anhedonia has not abated.

>>36327977
>not even pleasurable
Sounds like Anhedonia to me. Lacking motivation is really common, but it still confuses me. If you think something will make you feel good, why don't you do it? Is it because you lack the energy?

>>36328006
Interesting idea, I'd check it out.

>>36326889
Anhedonia checking in. What did my therapist mean when he said i'm anhedonic but not depressed?

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>>36326889
animu, vidya, tv...
none of it interests me anymore.
nothing at all is fun to me anymore.
i cant focus on anything for longer than a minute
i dont care for anything anymore
i am waiting to die

>>36328033
>Is it because you lack the energy?
I don't know if it's lacking energy or just the enthusiasm to go and do something. I'm bored as fuck yet there's all these video games I could play but it just doesn't feel appealing or interesting.

>>36328110
No idea, but that sounds fitting for me. Let's see...
Do you have difficulty getting through the day?
Do you have difficulty sleeping?
Does your weight fluctuate?
Do your emotions overpower you?
Do you have any other symptoms of depression?
Also, how long has this been going on for you?

>>36328169
Can you answer the above question?

>>36328191
That's odd. I'm no expert, but it sounds like a dopamine problem, and the "motivation" issue is something targeted by a few antidepressants. If nothing else is working, perhaps you should consider that.

>>36328110
>What did my therapist mean when he said i'm anhedonic but not depressed?
apathy doesn't always equal depression
but they tend to go hand in hand

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>>36328110
How useful is a therapist? do they ask you lots of questions and things? any advice you can give me anon, feeling pretty anxious about seeing one desu

>>36328249
I'm going to see a therapist soon so I'm trying to write down some issues to talk about but I'm really bad at explaining my problems or why I'm feeling this way.

>>36328249
>difficulty getting through the day
I feel exhausted immediately after school ends, and really want to just sleep until the next morning, if that counts.
>difficulty sleeping
My sleep schedule is beyond fucked, but it is voluntary, I think of sleep as time wasted, sortof.
>weight fluctuate
Yeah, I don't eat a whole lot, but I don't do a whole lot, I go +- 10lbs regularly, but i stay in the same general range
>emotions overpower
Yes and no. I don't typically fluctuate emotion, just kinda stay at a 0, but if something happens that makes me mad/sad then yes, they kinda overpower me.
>other symptoms
Besides being a self-defeatist shut in who tries to avoid contact and connection as much as possible, no.
>how long
Five years now.

>>36328431
My second therapist unironically told me to be myself. That should speak for itself.

>>36328431
If Anhedonia is your only symptom, I'm sorry to say it, but a therapist probably won't help much. When I see mine, it's always just me telling him stuff I figured out on my own and him nodding his head or trying to make small talk. A therapist might help you keep an optimistic attitude, but when it comes to Anhedonia, they're basically useless. The best results so far come from generic positive life changes, meditation, and occasionally fringe drugs that people discuss in forums.

Still, see what you can do. Your problem may be different, so don't get discouraged by one post.

>>36328483
Doesn't sound like Major Depression, but you may be a candidate for Dysthymia. Ever look into that?

>>36328599
Symptoms check out. What do?

>>36328662
See a doctor first and find out if it's a simple physiological problem. Be sure to tell them about your symptoms. If you feel that talking to someone might help you with your problems, consider therapy. I don't know much about meds, but if the doctor prescribes you something, switch to another medication if it's not working by week six. Everyone responds differently, and usually it takes a few tries, so don't stress too much about it, and find something new to take up while you wait for things to improve. If you have a ton of free time, a job might help.

>>36327720
I have sometimes wondered whether this is normal as one gets through one's 20s desu. It seems like most older people have much weaker emotional states.