Psychological Issues #33

https://youtu.be/rWlXU2DeYkQ

Have some music I like.

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First for mental instability.

Finally. I was waiting to ask about the therapy I'm going to be having. Since you've had experience and I never have, what should I expect going into it? What kind of things are they going to ask me? I'm getting kind of nervous about it, I don't want to launch straight into talking about all my problems with them, I'd rather slowly do it over time

>>36294613
You cur! I was seconds away from posting again.
In all seriousness, I'll be willing to answer questions as truthfully I can today. I'm in a sharing mood.

>>36294613
Hey man, I'm actually majoring in psychology.

I have a shit ton of things to do. I had the entire week off and I didn't do ANYTHING at all. I need to read a whole book until monday for a test and I just can't bring myself to do it. I have several papers to read and I just can't. i'm feeling miserable, sad and alone. The only good thing in my life simply vanished (used to date this girl online for months, when we finally met a couple of weeks ago, we kissed and all but she said she felt nothing for me). Yesterday I had a mental breakdown in front of my parents, telling how I just can't take it anymore. And I just fucking can't. I haven't been happy for so many years, I've forgotten what's like. I can't look in the mirror because of how much I hate myself. I actively avoid mirrors when I go out.

I just don't know what to do. The things I have to do in college are all together with my friends, so they depend on me. I feel guilty as fuck about not doing anything, but I just can't. I just tried reading the book right now, couldn't get pass 2 pages without my mind wandering away and horrible thoughts consuming me.

>>36294672

It will depend on who you get. I personally always choose women.

I would advise you to state your issue generally, but fully, on the first appointment. You'll have time to go into details, but you should at least say this:

>traumatic sexual assault
>PTSD

You don't have to say PTSD, but you can say what you experience. Don't worry about "being good enough", you're going there for YOU, you make sure the person is good for you, not the opposite. Try to see how the person reacts to what you say. If they remain cold, or if they're empathic. You want someone who reacts and empathises with you. By the end, you should feel fine and willing to share more.

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>>36294613
Why is it hard for me to make friends

>>36294693
If there are things within myself you suspect I'm neglecting to address or confront, I'm interested in entertaining the ideas you put forth.

>>36294693

Share some rituals.

>>36294775

Woah, lots of things!

Have you ever felt this way in the past?

Also, I'd be very curious about the list of books you have to read in a psychology major.

>>36294783
Would I need to talk about the assault on the first appointment? I was kinda planning on doing it like how I talked to you, describing my problems in the present first, then afterwards talking about things I think could have caused it, like that

>>36294785
>Why is it hard for me to make friends

Do you lose friends easily? Do people avoid you?

>>36294789

There are things, but I confess something happened and I'm all dizzy right now. I'll try to remember.

I believe it was about your mother specifically.

>>36294810
I've shared almost all worth mentioning, I think, there aren't all that many in number. My rage upon leaving them uncompleted is the true maladaption.

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>>36294785
Because your anime girls are neither cute nor smug enough

>>36294894
I'm sorry, Nick. You've been doing this for a long time. You should consider your limits and not hesitate to preserve your sanity by taking a break, if it could help.

>>36294874

Yes, but you're better off giving a general idea right away. I'll explain why: sometimes, a therapist will not want to work with you because they may have had a similar trauma in their lives, and cannot handle working with it themselves. Nothing personal, obviously, but you're better off finding that out sooner rather than later.

You may also want to casually mention your boyfriend, so they know you're a homo, just to be sure.

All the important things should be laid out fairly early, but in a general way. You'll be fine, don't worry.

>>36294851
I've always felt this way. At least, I have been like this for the past 7 years.

I need to read Six Psychological Studies by Piaget and The Corrosion of Character by Sennet. Not to mention several essays from several authors.

Do I have depression anon? I can get out of bed to go to uni and all, although with much effort, have no self-esteem, feel worthless all the time and tired.

Music you say?

https://youtu.be/NeIp13BeFZU

>>36294897

I probably asked already, but when did you start and which was the first ritual?

>>36294930
I trust you, but I'm wondering, why would they need to know my sexuality?

>>36294928
>I'm sorry, Nick. You've been doing this for a long time. You should consider your limits and not hesitate to preserve your sanity by taking a break, if it could help.

I preserve sanity by going hard at it. Minutes away from this thread and I'm in tears. I have to stay.

>>36294897
*maladaptation
Could this be original?

>>36294956
I'm just asking you to consider the alternative, that this frenzied responding could be worsening your state. Though, I'm only extrapolating from how I would feel.

>>36294931
>Piaget

My man. I'm Swiss too.

>Do I have depression anon? I can get out of bed to go to uni and all, although with much effort, have no self-esteem, feel worthless all the time and tired.

Very likely, yes. Let's find out why though.

Do this mostly biased test:

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

>>36294932

It's on.

Guys, I have to say I don't know how long I'll last. Something happened and I have become dizzy and weird.

I'm not seeing straight much anymore, I read your name as "Bitch Slap" for instance.

Maybe it'll get better in 30 minutes.

>>36295033
Please take a break if you need to, I don't want you making yourself sick trying to help us and I'm sure others feel the same.

Weren't you saying this yesterday too? Do you need to see a doctor?

>>36295033
Take your time, Nick. Put your health first. You've done a full thread today. It might be wiser to call time and put a new one up tomorrow.

>>36295011

Disorder Rating Information
Paranoid: Moderate more info | forum
Schizoid: Moderate more info | forum
Schizotypal: High more info | forum
Antisocial: Moderate more info | forum
Borderline: High more info | forum
Histrionic: Moderate more info | forum
Narcissistic: Low more info | forum
Avoidant: Very High more info | forum
Dependent: Very High more info | forum
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low more info | forum

These are the results my man, what are my problems?

at least i'll never be as pathetic as you enabling, circle-jerking namefag fucknuts holy SHIT

>>36294932
>Without You
>fuck

I like it very much.

>>36294955

You probably wouldn't have to say it right away, but I would mention it myself, just to see their reaction. Never forget therapists are humans, with a past, and it'll come into play. I'd say a bunch of info just to see how they react, don't hesitate to drop bombs.

I'll give you an example, my own. On my first appointment, which was literally 50 minutes after I called, I dropped all these:

>my derealisation experience
>the fact that I had betrayed my fianc[e]e (adultery)
>my narc parents
>some more

I made a point to tell her I was a traitor to be sure that she could work with that, and to see if she'd judge me for it or accept it. As expected, she didn't judge me for it but at the same time didn't try to act like it didn't matter.

This song is dedicated to you, /r9k/.

https://youtu.be/dZLfasMPOU4

>>36295033
How bizarre. Maybe you need to rest

>>36295129
I wonder if you even really believe this.

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>>36295033
You should rest man. Or do something fun and distracting for a bit.

>>36294785
What is a friend to you?

>>36295001

Maybe, maybe not. If I stop, then I can think about my own problems and this won't be good. I'm better off here with everyone else's.

I did that test too. Schitzotypal... I don't know what that means

Paranoid: Moderate more info | forum
Schizoid: High more info | forum
Schizotypal: Very High more info | forum
Antisocial: Moderate more info | forum
Borderline: Moderate more info | forum
Histrionic: Low more info | forum
Narcissistic: Moderate more info | forum
Avoidant: Moderate more info | forum
Dependent: Moderate more info | forum
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low more info | forum

>>36295082
>Weren't you saying this yesterday too?

Same thing happened. My loved one responded to my cute pusheen messages (we avoid text-based communication, it hurts her), but we eventually spoke a little. Whenever she states that it's really over between us, I get that instant dizzy feeling like I'm about to faint. I really feel insane... Such reactions for such things.

Anyway, that's why I feel faint.

>>36295180
What are you afraid will happen if you allow the thoughts to wash over you? You can't displace your own difficulties with others'.

>>36295209
Well that's pretty unambiguous at least. It's clear where you need to look further. Or were you already aware?

https://youtu.be/yFTvbcNhEgc

Checking out my old YouTube account. Almost every song is depresing as fuck.

>>36295137
Glad you liked it.

>>36295234
I had no idea, I have a feeling it's bullshit desu

>>36295099
>Take your time, Nick. Put your health first.

Health is fine. Mind is not. I couldn't sleep right now. I don't want to be alone, so I'm really better off being here. Also starting to cry randomly every now and then, depending on my thoughts. It's complicated.

New things to tell my therapist. Did I already share the supermarket story?

>>36295121

I'd focus on the Borderline, dependant, and avoidant.

Let's see what you parents were like.

>>36295137
Thanks for the advice, I'll remember it for my appointment

>>36295129
>enabling

Not sure what you think is enabled here, but I'm curious.

>>36295148

Motherfucker... I'm still laughing, thoug, good one.

>>36295264
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/schizoid.html

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/schizotypal-personality-disorder-symptoms/

Just give these two a quick look and see if any of it is applicable.

https://youtu.be/ii6kJaGiRaI

I don't know you but I still love you.
We're all gonna be OK.

>>36295171

There is nothing fun left in my life. I literally cannot do anything else. Trying to help people is the only thing I can do to escape my own torture.

>Eva
>you know the way to my heart, Roy

https://youtu.be/UEiFmfQar60

Some nerdcore. Probably the only kind of rap I can handle. You could say it's child abuse themed.

>>36295137
Also, regarding my problems, id like to talk a little bit more about my "ptsd", since I have a few doubts

>>36295365
That's gotta be bullshit. It just has to be.

>>36295209
>I did that test too. Schitzotypal... I don't know what that means

>Schizotypal: Very High more info | forum
>info

Try that.

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>>36294894
Yes, and no.

>>36294906
I highly doubt that's it.

>>36295173
Someone that is useful to me, and is someone i can talk to about things i can't to other people.

>>36295419
Yeah... I saw that and then did so.

For the person with the schizo results, I couldn't spend long searching so I can't really speak to the quality of those sites (I was in the middle of an online battle).

>>36295365
Tomorrow or Weds I'm going to introduce you to some anime. I'll even keep it thread relevant if you like. There's a couple about specific mental illnesses for example. Try and look forward to that.

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Hello, Nick. I'm back. I see that you're still up. I sent you an email just saying hi.

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>>36295226
>What are you afraid will happen if you allow the thoughts to wash over you? You can't displace your own difficulties with others'.

I'll collapse in tears and may have a panic attack. So far, didn't have one, but the underlying feeling of panic is clear and present, especially in the morning, when I wake up alone.

I have no idea how it is even possible for me to go on.

>mfw I'm going to do this thread every day for the next 4 months and possibly way more

in a little bit less than 2 weeks I will be seeing a psychiatry who will be doing some testing for BPD. I'm just kinda nervous because I have no idea what to expect and am afraid I'll embarrass myself in front of said psychiatrist. I'm afraid of feeling humiliated somehow I suppose. If there's any solid reassurance that can be given I would be very much grateful

So does everyone here really listen to depressing/cozy music?

Surely I can't be the only one who enjoys listening to edgy stuff

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd6ofHX_9WA

>>36295239

>depressing

My laptop, which is shit, has a shitty keyboard. Some of these days I'll ask one of you to assist me in ordering a new computer, because I've been stalling on that since November. I literally can't. A shame since I own a mechanical keyboard which would really help with all that typing.

>>36295429
That sounds kind of vague

What are the qualities you need to find in a person in order to be able to talk about things you normally cannot?

Why can you not talk about certain things with other people?

https://youtu.be/UrZX8Y49xMY

Some Dead Mouse music.

>>36295479
>A shame since I own a mechanical keyboard which would really help with all that typing.
Can't you plug that into your laptop?

>>36295406

How do you man?

>>36295429

How come you lose friends?

>>36295419
>>36295461
>>36295337

Well bugger me gently! That fits me quite well.

I feel kinda embarrassed by some of it DESU.

>>36295461
>(I was in the middle of an online battle).

What's that about?

>>36295461
>Tomorrow or Weds I'm going to introduce you to some anime. I'll even keep it thread relevant if you like. There's a couple about specific mental illnesses for example. Try and look forward to that.

Sure interests me.

>>36295463

Hello again. Were you off on a mission?

>>36295540
>Trying to help people is the only thing I can do to escape my own torture.
That's how I mean. There is always more options. Not that helping people is wrong, but it shouldn't be your only option.

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>>36295486
They are not a real friend, they feel fake.
I must act differently around them for them to keep in contact with me. I can not be myself.

>>36295563
I get bored of them.

2nd thread of the day huh nick?

Why don't you kill your self. You clearly have no friends or life. This isn't a troll thing. I am now legit curious why you go on given how you behave

>>36295595
No.

Also, about the "threat" or so in the other thread. 9 out of 10 times, it doesn't mean anything, I mean, we're probably thousands of miles away from each other, most likely I'm no danger to you.

That being said. Don't tell me not to threaten you. I may be "opening up" to you about certain things, but if I'm to do that, especially if I'm to email things that even have the tiniest slightest chance of getting incriminated, then I will verbally threaten you when I see fit. Anytime I feel like it. I'm not gonna feel like it often, probably not at all, but if I do, I'll say whatever I like.

If that's a problem for you, then you can just forgot about communicating with me any further and I'll thank you for the things you've told me already.

>>36295577
Nice double dubs. Glad you found something that fits. There's a lot of material out there to support you, you can keep visiting the threads and if you decide you want to, you have something to take to a GP.

>>36295595
Dark Souls. I have a policy: if the people who summon me for coop are not polite (i.e. bow when I arrive) I let the fight the boss on their own, it having been made proportionately harder based on party size, then if they survive swoop in and take a cut of the experience.

>>36295610
>I must act differently around them for them to keep in contact with me. I can not be myself.

And I imagine the things you want to talk about reflect a side of yourself that you do not usually show?
How do you know whether you need to act differently around people for them to not distance themselves? Do you just act differently by default?

>>36295468

It's almost impossible that you will tell your psychiatrist anything he hasn't heard before, so don't worry. He will make a difference between you as a person and your BPD. You will not be humiliated or anything, and you won't feel bad. If you do, however, get another therapist instantly.

Also remember that if you do have BPD, you might see threats where there are none, so don't assume too much, keep yourself in check, and relax.

>>36295696
>Help me but don't expect me to be civil
Politeness costs nothing.

>>36295477

Nice rolled R's.

>>36295724
Yes.
I watch them, and see how they react to certain things and base myself on that.

>>36295535

I can and it works, but it forces me to have the laptop so far away and even then I can't rest my arms, so it ends up worse.

>>36295696
You don't sound worth interacting with, honestly. Why would you expect someone to tolerate such an explicit declaration of malice?

>>36295577
>I feel kinda embarrassed by some of it DESU.

Usually a good sign.

>>36295600

I don't know what else to do. I work out, I eat, I shower, I do my thread, I go shopping, I try not to faint or cry, I sleep. Life during the holidays.

>>36295610
>I get bored of them.

Do you feel like there's no deep connection between you and others?

>>36295757
If he doesn't like it, then he can stop talking to me. I'm not no bitch, but if even if there's the slightest chance of my ass on the line, I'll say what I like, even if it's only an unrealistic hunch.

I even worded the "threat" as politely as I could. I would hardly even consider it a threat, especially on 4chan lol. I just got iffy when he told me "to not do it" like telling me what I can and can't say. He shouldn't have even acknowledged it really.

>>36295856
Correct.
I can't connect like others seem to be able to do.

>>36295650
>2nd thread of the day huh nick?

Yes, you're keeping tabs?

>Why don't you kill your self. You clearly have no friends or life.

I ask myself the same.

>This isn't a troll thing. I am now legit curious why you go on given how you behave

Sadly, this is a troll thang. "How you behave", as in what? I'm a productive member of society and I spend my free time being productive yet again.

>>36295728
I'll keep all that in mind. Put my mind at ease about this somewhat. thank you and have a good day

>>36295835
>I don't know what else to do. I work out, I eat, I shower, I do my thread, I go shopping, I try not to faint or cry, I sleep. Life during the holidays.
Well I hate to be that guy, but can't you do something else to occupy yourself? Surely there is something you might wanna learn for example. Even if it's random topics. Don't you get that yearning?

>>36295894
Spends all day being pretentious online
>productive member of society

Oh nick. You slay me.

>>36295810
>You don't sound worth interacting with, honestly.
Well, I'm not gonna argue with that. But I'll leave that decision to Nick.

>>36295871
So what you're saying is it was meaningless. If it was meaningless for you to say it, why say it at all? I suppose you outlined it yourself anyway: his counter-threat is the conditionality of communication. If you want to talk, don't threaten. If you feel too threatened to talk, don't talk.

>>36295696
>Also, about the "threat" or so in the other thread. 9 out of 10 times, it doesn't mean anything,

Was it then worth threatening me?

>Don't tell me not to threaten you.

Don't tell me what to say. I'm serious about the threat thing, mostly because it's a matter of trust. If you cannot trust me yet, that is OK and we can give it time, but you must know that threats is not something I will accept. Either trust me and come along, or take your time and trust me later, or never fully trust me and limit your interactions with me, but never threaten me. I have done nothing to deserve threats.

>then I will verbally threaten you when I see fit.

There was no reason to do so. As I said before, I will not accept that. It's as useless as it is toxic to communication between us.

>Anytime I feel like it. I'm not gonna feel like it often, probably not at all, but if I do, I'll say whatever I like.

As you wish, but expect a reaction on my part when you threaten me. It isn't a good dynamic and it won't work if you see me as a potential danger.

>If that's a problem for you, then you can just forgot about communicating with me any further and I'll thank you for the things you've told me already.

If it didn't create an issue, and if I had no self-respect, I wouldn't mind, but it would do both.

I'm only asking for minimal respect and minimal trust. I've heard your threat (and think they're meaningless, since there's literally nothing I can do against you and probably as much you could do against me) and wish you hadn't started a conflict of that sort between us. Just don't expect me to sit there and take it. If I am to help you in anyway, I must also stand as a person, not lay as a doormat. You understand this, I am certain.

>>36295964
>If it was meaningless for you to say it, why say it at all?
To let him know there's a chance of me still trying. Most likely impossible, but I'd still try if I was fucked over for "opening up" and with trying comes possibilities.

I'm not trying to scare him. There's nothing to be afraid of. If he tries to "fuck" me over, even slightly, then I'll try my best to retaliate, even if it comes out to nothing.

That's all. Excuse me if I sound like a dick.

>>36295706
>Dark Souls. I have a policy

Well thought out.

>>36296050
You sound like a massive dick mate.

>>36295787
Assuming the person you are observing is also acting differently in order to keep people around, wouldn't that mean that there is no way for you to find out if you really need to act differently?

From what you've said so far, it sounds like you wouldn't need to act differently around someone like yourself.
The kind of friend you are looking for seems like they would have the same facade problem as you.
But since people like you always put up a facade, the only way to discover whether you really need that facade would be to stop hiding behind it in the first place. No?
Of course taking down that facade could very likely end up making most of the people around you distance themselves and lose contact, but there is a chance that among all the people you've been acting around, at least one of them might decide to stick around you even more. Isn't that one person the friend you are looking for?

I'm sorry if that comes off as a long rant, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to demonstrate.

>>36295743
>"everyone has a little bit of something but now days everything has to have a name but youre just shy"

A shit response, to be sure.

Your parents sound toxic as fuck, read this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

If so, that would explain why you were raised not to have proper personal boundaries and don't know how to put yourself forward and just beeee yourself and not worry about being disliked (which people actually like).

How do I cope with the complete loss of motivation and rapidly shifting aims in life?

>>36296132
Any idea what could have caused it? Surely it didn't happen out of nowhere.

>>36296065
It'd be a dick to try and fuck someone after they opened up to you about personal things. I'm just saying, cause an effect. If Nick won't do that, which he won't, then I won't try to do something retarded, which I won't.

I'm just letting him know the street goes two ways. I'm don't have anything against Nick and he seems really cool. I just want a diagnosis.

>>36295787

You may have people-pleaser syndrome, which often comes from C-PTSD and abusive parents, typically narcs. You don't feel like you can simply be yourself and feel like you have to please, entertain, be interesting, etc, as if you had an effort to make for others while you didn't feel the same about them.

>>36296132
See a fucking shrink. You think this faggot can help you with your mental health. He is a self proclaimed failure who wastes his life doing this to feel special.

>>36295788

Don't kill yourself, don't worry about old age for now.

So, can we move on based on an agreement as a group then?
>It's understood that if anyone uses the information on here to screw anyone else over, that person may be expected to retaliate
>Everyone agrees to behave with mutual respect as far as possible
>No threats
Does anyone else want to amend these? Remember, these aren't rules decided by any one person: I want us to be able to work toward some guidelines for the benefit of everyone here.

>>36295835
>>36295706
So do I go to the doctor and say "so I did this online test and now I think I've got schizoid personality disorder?"

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>>36296066
I understand what you're saying.
The problem is it is hard to detect others who are similar if they are also acting differently. It does not seem worth the risk to take it down for a chance at someone being like me.

>>36296175
I don't think that is it. I don't care to please anyone other than myself. I can't be myself because it will lose my fake friends.

I did have abusive parents though.

>>36296242
Just describing your symptoms and feelings should be enough.

>>36296242
No because GPs are often shit. You look back over the list of symptoms from the pages you were on and find the ones that apply to you. Then you reel off that list of symptoms, with examples where possible. Then, the doctor will use his massive base of knowledge to tell you what you already know and put you in touch with mental health services.

>>36296175
Hahaha. Nick. Again with the C-ptsd. It's not a real diagnosis first of all. And even if it does some day get approved for diagnostic use. It's not a catch all concept for people who have mental health problems as a result of thier circumstances being hard. Life is tough. Get over it. If you can't get over basic life difficulties you don't qualify for a trauma disorder.

Mommy and daddy weren't perfect. Classmates picked on me. I didn't have it easy like some one else. Now I'm sad and anxious. Omg. I am so traumatized by life. I'm just a product of my environment... insert baby crying sound

I did the whole "don't think about anything", and just relaxed, we watched Hot Fuzz and I just got comfortable and we didn't talk much but it was nice
You said not to think about anything so I didn't so I'm not sure what to tell you

>>36295871
>If he doesn't like it, then he can stop talking to me.

Liking things or not isn't the reason why I talk with people. I'll have my limits but I won't abandon you.

>I'm not no bitch, but if even if there's the slightest chance of my ass on the line, I'll say what I like, even if it's only an unrealistic hunch.

Your ass isn't on the line. I told you I wouldn't dream of getting you in trouble. I do believe that helping you help yourself would help others as well, even if it only means not getting murdered by you. I have nothing to gain by not helping you.

>I would hardly even consider it a threat, especially on 4chan lol. I just got iffy when he told me "to not do it" like telling me what I can and can't say. He shouldn't have even acknowledged it really.

If I shouldn't have acknowledged it, you shouldn't have said it. A threat is a threat, and if someone threatened you offline, you'd not just ignore it, and you know that. If I start accepting uncalled for threats, it would be like declaring to you that I am a doormat and can be verbally abused at will, and I simply refuse that.

I still want to talk with you and help, and I am very interested in your case, but I insist: I will not accept threats. I want trust between us, and that's what our interaction should be based on. If you need more time, that is fine with me, I absolutely don't mind and I understand, but you will no longer threaten me.

>>36295881

This could have many reasons. What's your childhood like?

>>36296147
Just regularly question what the fuck I'm doing with my life
I've got no real skills that can be applied to a job and no good qualifications except English
I have no job or income and I don't wanna end up in a dead-end job, I'd like to live a full life like my dad did but he ended up in a shitty 1 bedroom apartment with no job.
I just don't know where I'm heading in life, I feel as though I've wasted my youth and continue to waste my life, I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of self-hatred and procrastination

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>>36296336
ARE YOU THREATENING ME?

I need teepee for my bunghole

>>36295904

Welcome!

>>36295915

Not currently, Dan. I do when I'm OK, but right now, everything feels pointless. I'm in survival mode and can't believe she isn't coming back. Whenever I think about it, I feel like I'm about to lose control, faint, panic, etc. Breathing becomes difficult, throat gets tight, and I feel like I can never handle it.

>>36296336
Huh.

Okay, I respect that.

>>36296376
Oh I don't know. Have you tried maybe... working hard to improve you circumstance? Or have you skipped all that and resigned yourself to be a failure. Or maybe deluded yourself into believing you can't improve your situation since the world is so unfair.

How close am I?

>>36295935

I won't ask you to show where I'm pretentious, just so you don't get embarrassed.

There are 32 threads of people appreciating my help, you can't have missed that, but we both know this.

Just let it out and tell me what your real beef is, if you have the courage to do so.

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>>36296355
I was a foster child, and i ended up getting adopted by my two current parents.

When i was 10, my father let their biological son rape me every night for a year. My mother knew what was going on but would not tell anyone or help me.

This along with physical abuse and emotional abuse.

He's in prison now, for something else.
Parents never punished, and they act like nothing ever happen and try to be on good terms with me.

>>36296424
Yeah pretty much I've considered all that 100 times before
I know I can improve my situation with my own willpower, I just don't.
I get about a few weeks worth of mania and motivation and then I spiral back down into doing nothing and being complacently wallowing

>>36296376
>I just don't know where I'm heading in life, I feel as though I've wasted my youth and continue to waste my life, I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of self-hatred and procrastination
Yeah that sucks balls, don't it. I'm in a similar circle.

Have you tried to improve in any way? One of the things that I found myself doing is trying to do everything at once. Then obviously I get overwhelmed, fail, hate myself and nothing changes.

That is the wrong approach. You have to take small, easily attainable steps. That's where you start. You already seem to have an idea of what you'd like to change. Which is a very important step. Surely there must be something you wanna do, right? Maybe get some qualification?

>>36296256
>I can't be myself because it will lose my fake friends.
>It does not seem worth the risk

How much do you want a true friend that could maybe last you a life time?

How much are your fake friends worth to you?
Are they only useful?

At this point, you get to face a dilemma.
Which is more important to you? Many fake friends or the chance of making a single true friend at the cost of losing all the others?

You seem to already have chosen the fake friends. Which is fine, if this is what you seek the most.

But at least the solution to getting a true friend is in front of you.
It can be costly, but it seems to be one of the few solutions you have, if not the only one.

>>36295943
>Well, I'm not gonna argue with that. But I'll leave that decision to Nick.

You are worth interacting with, but just as you have your conditions, I have mine, and my condition is mostly trust; short of that, limited trust, but in any case, respect. I ask nothing of you that I am not ready to give you right back, such as respect.

I understand you feel threatened by me and so you threaten me, but it's as if I said, "Perez, I know it may be useless, but just so you know, if you ever try anything against me, I'll call the DEA and whatever services in your own country to get back at you," you wouldn't like it and you'd see it as more than suspicious, and certainly hostile. I have never threatened you that way, and if I did, you wouldn't accept it, and you'd be correct not to, as I am doing.

>>36296426
I've told you many times nick.
1) you pretend to be some kind of expert
2) by doing this you behave like an attention seeking pretentious faggot
3) your "advice" is general pop psychology shit.

I don't know where the confusion is. I think you are a loser and your threads are harmful to robots who make the mistake of listening to you.

>>36296050

I have only ever tried to help you. If you'd rather not provide evidence that you are who you say, that is OK with me.

You have nothing to fear from me.

>>36296241
The one rule should be
>At all times, opt to take the actions that will cause the least suffering in sentient beings
But I can't expect to convert everyone that easily, can I?

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>>36296477
I think a fake friend is someone you keep around for convenience, like a tool that serves you a purpose.
Just like a tool, it requires some form of maintenance. Depending on how balanced the "relationship" is,
it could be to simply give them some attention, money, affection maybe, or to return some of that convenience by doing favors to each-other.
All of that convenience is only superficial.

Is this the only solution i have?

>>36296474
Yeah as I replied to this guy >>36296424 who was going with the kick up the backside approach which I've tried many times, I do try and fix everything at once. I don't know where to start, I barely have the energy to leave my bed most days
I don't know how to get a good qualification, I don't know what job I want or if I even want a job, I don't know who the fuck I am

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>>36296066

Is this Facet?

>>36296466
Sounds like you need actual help then dumbass. Like meds and weekly therapy with a behavioral focus. Go get some real help. Venting online won't help. Listening to some tripcode faggot won't help. The only thing that will do anything for you is your own effort. And if you need professional support to help you stay on track and emotionally stable. Then so be it.

That or stay like this for as long as you can stand the pain.

>>36296404
>I'm in survival mode and can't believe she isn't coming back. Whenever I think about it, I feel like I'm about to lose control, faint, panic, etc. Breathing becomes difficult, throat gets tight, and I feel like I can never handle it.
In that case, yeah you're just gonna have to push through somehow. If you feel overwhelmed, just go to sleep (that's what I do when shit goes to hell, I just sleep it through).

>>36296132

1. find out if there's an obvious cause
2. have a wider perspective on your current life and situation, people around you, yourself, etc
3. figure things out
4. remedy issues

Have you checked for BPD?

>>36296521
He has never represented himself as an expert. Do you really care this much about robots?

>>36296555
Oh I'm sorry. Did you want the circle jerk approach. Maybe have me dry your tears with your blankey.

I'm not the type to endugle self pity. Sounds like you give yourself enough of that.

>>36296154
>It'd be a dick to try and fuck someone after they opened up to you about personal things.

Absolutely, which is why I would never do it. In that, I'm safer than a professional because many, if not most, are required by law to tell on you.

>If Nick won't do that, which he won't, then I won't try to do something retarded, which I won't.

We understand each other. You also understand that this makes your threat petty and uncalled for, and that makes it a power struggle which I won't accept without establising myself as an equal and not some biatch you can talk down to. You will understand this.

>I'm just letting him know the street goes two ways.

It always does, I'm just asking for basic respect.

>>36296557
Nah, it wasn't me.

>>36296532
That's a little too philosophical. One step at a time.

>>36296176

I have hopes that you will some day tell me what really ails you. Even if it takes 12 threads, I'll be there.

>>36296606
Ya. I actually do. I've been posting on this board for years and you faggots are alright. Just need some perspective sometimes. It's a shame what a circle jerk this board has turned into over the last 3 years.

>>36296583
Yeah probably right. Y'know the insults don't even make a difference anymore. I've been here too long. Fuck taking meds, absolutely fuck that shit
My mother took medication for depression and it fucked her up so fucking badly like you wouldn't believe. Last therapist I had just told me to chill out
Thanks for trying to help though man. I know it seems simple from out there.

>>36296663
I told you nick. I told you many times. >>36296521
I just won't trip code like you.

>>36296555
>I do try and fix everything at once
This is very important. If you keep doing this, you will very likely keep failing.

>I don't know where to start, I barely have the energy to leave my bed most days
Are you seeing anyone about this condition? I mean if you're getting medical help. It's very easy to take ones mental state lightly, but not having energy to leave the bad does not sound like something that should be taken lightly.

>I don't know how to get a good qualification, I don't know what job I want or if I even want a job, I don't know who the fuck I am
This is a VERY broad topic. Obviously, there is many ways to educate yourself. Many things you can learn on your own from the internet (although that takes dedication). Surely you must have at least some idea of things that you could do.

>>36296241

I reject your first line.

This doesn't inspire trust and is pretty scary. It suggests that there's anything people could do with the info here, and that can't be. No need to put a warning sign where there is no danger, it only causes fear and discomfort.

I don't want such things to be written down, as it's part of the dynamic between people; better to address them as they show up in their unique contexts.

My arms feel less like my arms. Hands especially.

>>36296242

Read the symptoms, see which match, and mention that. You can also say what you suspect you have.

>>36296521
>your threads are harmful to robots who make the mistake of listening to you.
Got any way of backing this claim up?

>>36296627
Thanks my man, no it's just I've had a lot of people like you telling me to just do it
I'm fully aware of the self pity and all that, I'm very much aware of it
If you're aiming for a kick of feeling superior then congratulations, you're very much more superior than me, I am a piece of shit. You win
If you're trying to help with all this forceful shit, then sorry man but I guess I'm a broken toy
Whoops there I go with the self pity. Fuck I should die

>>36295293
They are good people. Always listened to me. Only problem is they drink every day, and have ever since I was born. But they were never abusive to me.

>>36296673
Meds might be necessary depending on the mania. Depression responds equally well to meds as it does to therapy. Safest bet is meds with therapy. 1 year course. After the year taper off the meds for another 6 month period. No long term effects are likely. However if you are legit manic you will need mood stabilizers (but based on what you are saying it sounds like you are just hypomanic and this can be managed without meds).

>>36296256

You still assume that your "friends" wouldn't be your friends if you were yourself with them. Right?

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>>36296755
I know for a fact that they wouldn't I've experimented with it before.

>>36296736
Haha. You aren't so bad faggot. I like you. Not great advice but maybe you should buy a gun. Like if you have the means to actually kill yourself you think you would do it? If so don't get the gun, but if this suicidal ideation is just one big pity party it might put shit in perspective.

>>36296298

2/10

I recommend studying the brain a bit, just so you can one day understand why this post is oozing with ignorance. I can only hope you don't actually think what you say has any truth to it.

if you're the same troll as before, you already know about C-PTSD.

Why are you so damn bitter? Did you have abusive parents and can't muster the courage to recognise it? Is this what this is about?

>>36296695
Nah I'm not seeing anyone, had a few therapists and they were all about as useful as a pat on the back
And I'm really hard against medication after seeing what it's done to those around me (sorry for the anecdotal bias)
I know what I could do, it's just whether I want to or how to get those positions
I'm sure this is just baby's first existential crisis

>>36296541
That is quite the cold and distant comparison, but a fair one I suppose.

Given the description of what a true friend is to you, I feel like the only way for you to find one is for either of you to drop the facade. Now, who gets to drop the facade first doesn't really matter. It could be your friend just like it could be you.
But would you wait forever, for a person to have the guts to do something you could not?


>>36296557
No, sorry. Just a hypocritical robot passing by.

>>36296324
>You said not to think about anything so I didn't so I'm not sure what to tell you

I said to think of nothing and see what thoughts would come up. You can try this now.

>>36296735
Sure let me break our my empirical research I have conducted on the data surrounding tripcode faggots and the negative effects thier bullshit has on anonymous robots...
No you moron. I don't have evidence. It just stands to reason that poorly informed advice is detrimental.

>>36296406

We're all good then.

Let's resume the conversation. Any new thoughts you had?

You were about to share things relating to your parents. This is probably very important.

>>36296719
Alright, acknowledged. Trust precludes insurance, to some extent.

Sounds quite disorienting. Derealisation? Dissociation? I forget the name. Anyway, remember that it's only temporary and will pass.

>>36296815
Oh nick. It took you that long to come up with this pathetic of a reply.

I pity you man. You are a sad sack of shit.

>>36296429
>When i was 10, my father let their biological son rape me every night for a year. My mother knew what was going on but would not tell anyone or help me.

Goddam...

This is very heavy stuff. Are you still in touch with your parents?

>>36296794
I like you to faggot
I'm a Britfag so that gun thing is a miss
But you're right I probably wouldn't do it, it was just another stupid fucking comment from a fucking self-absorbed cunt who is stuck in the paradoxical nature of my own mind
Like I'm aware of how pathetic everything I do and say is yet I keep on behaving this way. I'm so fucked man

>>36296821
>And I'm really hard against medication after seeing what it's done to those around me (sorry for the anecdotal bias)
I guess that would depend on what medication that would be. You don't need to get drugged to vegetable level, right? Lots of people find medication to be really helpful and they can still function normally (or even better) with it.

>I know what I could do, it's just whether I want to or how to get those positions
That's also a very important point. Do you want to get somewhere else? That's what you have to answer to yourself.

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>>36296825
You seem to understand me well.
If i continue to drop the mask i will run out of tools.
If i don't drop it i won't ever find a true friend.
If i do drop it and find a friend it will be worth it.
Quite an interesting situation i have found myself in.

>>36296884
Rarely, they do seem to try to talk to me often.

>>36296474

I'm reading Dan's posts and I'm just in disbelief, but I'm very happy. Such a change from a year ago, friend. I'm proud of you.

https://youtu.be/k3IZS2QddAY

Twin Peaks rap song. Contains Ghosbusters reference.

>>36296889
Breaking bad habits is hard. Procrastinating, self pity, drug use, whatever. It's all the same concept. Success builds upon success and failure upon failure. Getting the ball rolling is the hard part. See a shrink.

>>36296847
Most of the advice you hear is "seek professional help". What this thread does is trying to offer people some perspective and maybe make some of us realize we might actually have a problem. What's the harm here?

If people who are actually okay get professional help, then nothing happens.

If people who are not okay get professional help, then they can improve their condition.

Or do you hear Nick (or anyone) telling people to self-medicate , do drugs or kill themselves? Other than you obviously.

>>36296848
>Any new thoughts you had?
Goat cheese actually goes really well with chicken fajita tacos.
>You were about to share things relating to your parents.
The household I grew up in consisted of my father, mother, and my little sister. I had an older brother but he died of dengue when I was pretty young. My father was a honest, hardworking man. He was a construction worker. My mother was a hair stylist. Both of them were honest and hardworking. My sister was kind of nerdy and whatnot, but she's a good person

We were kinda poor. Not like super poverty poor, but we weren't too well off. We had food though and I had a ps2 lol.

I don't wanna sound edgy, but I truly hate them.

>>36296929
I just really don't trust the stuff, I've never seen it do any good, I've got a near phobia level fear of the shit

I like to think so, I just don't know where. There's little chance of me being a script writer for TV, a wealthy journalist all whilst travelling the world like I imagined when I was young and hopeful. All I've got ahead of me is retail and shitty apartments or hiking and no money when I'm older

>>36296986
I have no problem with general dialogue about mental health issues.

I do however have a problem with nick. He pretends to know about psychological concepts and hands our armchair psychological advice which does more harm than good.

>>36296964
Ok will do, hope they're more useful than my others before

>>36296521
>1) you pretend to be some kind of expert

I'd challenge you to find a single quote of mine saying anything like it. I can give you links to all the threads I made from day one. I've never pretended to be anything and I've always answered questions with regards to that truthfully.

>2) by doing this you behave like an attention seeking pretentious faggot

I think you have personal reasons to dislike what I do because, probably, you'd like to do the same. Getting attention on an anonymous imageboard doesn't get me very far. You may not realise this, but my day job has me on stage for an entire audience; I don't care that much for attention, I care for interaction, I care for people.

>3) your "advice" is general pop psychology shit.

We've already had this conversation and your arguments didn't work out. "pop psychology" doesn't even mean anything. A popular concept may be true, popularity isn't a measure of anything.

>I don't know where the confusion is.

Clearly in your mind. You try to think that these are the reasons why you are angry at me, but they're not.

>I think you are a loser and your threads are harmful to robots who make the mistake of listening to you.

Name a single case where harm was done, or even a single case where anon was upset at me for my advice, words, or help.

You can't come up with any of this.

>can't show when I claimed to be an expert
>can't define "pop psychology"
>can't show where harm was done

Make this sweet and short and just tell me what really ails you.

>>36296986
Yes I will always tell nick to either
A) kill himself
B) stop making these threads or
C) stop giving piss poor advice to robots if he insists on engaging in this faggottry

>>36296987
You're not alone in that. A lot of posters ITT can trace their issues back to their parents. Don't feel bad for hating them. I bet they deserve it, or you wouldn't be here.

>>36296936
I'm only putting the pieces of what you've told me so far together.

Do you want my opinion on how you should approach this?

>>36297034
>I just really don't trust the stuff, I've never seen it do any good, I've got a near phobia level fear of the shit
Well, I'm in no position to question you obviously. But is that really rational? Well by definition, phobias aren't. Are you by any chance taking the worst possible extreme outcome and applying it to all the cases? Maybe not, but I know that's something I tend to do and cut myself off many, MANY things. Usually for worse.

>There's little chance of me being a script writer for TV, a wealthy journalist all whilst travelling the world like I imagined when I was young and hopeful.
So you do have a goal. And what's good for you is that writing practice is very inexpensive! I know it sounds simplistic, because it is! I'm not proposing you become top-tier writer by practicing on your own. But doing anything even very simple like writing something for enjoyment will be helpful. Just have realistic standards. Small steps and all.

>>36296627

The tough guy act you put on reeks of weakness and insecurity. You may not be aware of it, so I'm telling you.

There's nothing more pathetic than a man a who, while showing every sign of weakness and hurt, claims that he is fine and the problem is everyone else, whom he attacks ceaselessly while never looking at himself in the mirror.

Just man up and spit it out already.

>>36297112
Yes what is your opinion?
////

>>36296672
>It's a shame what a circle jerk this board has turned into over the last 3 years.

Don't project your fantasies on us, thanks.

>>36296673
>Thanks for trying to help though man.

Don't think he's trying to help.

>>36297072
Cbt. Med supplement (1 year plus 6 month taper). Weekly sessions with a focus on behavioral interventions... expect to do work. Expect to focus on solving you own problems with them just being there for support. Don't blame therapist. They won't be perfect. But blaming them or demonizing them is just an easy out to avoid taking personal responsibility for your situation.

Maybe consider supplemental therapy if necessary. Schema therapy or brief psychodynamic.

>>36296694
>I just won't trip code like you.

You don't have to tripcode, you're very obvious as it is.

Besides, noting I said suggests you should trip. You're not still explaining why you're even in this thread so systematically.

>>36296736

Don't listen to this troll. Seriously, don't.

Troll, you see what you do only has shit results, it seems you've done more harm to a single person in a single thread than I have in 33 threads to dozens of anons.

You can now kindly leave the thread.

>>36296751

Did they drinking make them neglect you, punish you unfairly, or make you scared in any way?

What did they do when drunk?

>>36297096
>I bet they deserve it, or you wouldn't be here.
No, actually they didn't deserve it. Well, not in the way you're thinking at least.

They worked hard to support me and my little sister. They were great parents. They spent time with us and always put us first. My father would even go hungry some nights just so everyone else could eat.

My hatred for them is something completely different. Some of you mind think the reason is pretty stupid or weird

>>36297166
Haha oh Nick. I really wish I could see you be butt frustrated all day, you autistic narcissistic faggot.

But alas. I need to go.

Remember. I will always hate you and you should kill yourself.

>>36296752
>Depression responds equally well to meds as it does to therapy.

Utter bullshit. In specific cases, you won't get any reaction from meds. Stop trolling. You are uninformed.

>>36296789

Maybe those weren't good friends to begin with, don't you think?

>>36296794

You're one seriously toxic piece of shit.

>>36297275
I'd like to hear. No one will think it stupid, and it must be very significant to you for it to provoke such a strong response.

>>36296821
>I'm sure this is just baby's first existential crisis

You need to stop talking or listening to the troll. You're doing the exact opposite of what you should do.

Do you want to get better or feel worse?

Choose wisely.

>>36297206
I think he was in his own fucked up distorted way, like that classic get your arse in gear, slap round the head, tough love sort of way that many have tried

>>36297159
I'll go for all the therapy in the world, I'll even bloody go in a sensory deprivation chamber but drugs that alter how you think are a big no-no for me, in all my life I never even touched marijuana
Yeah I'm pretty solid at English, only thing I've got a real qualification in. I even got some poetry featured in a competition. I'm just not sure if it's what I wanna do or how I go about transforming from NEET to writer. I mean I live the life of a depressing faggoty writer already and look like Algernon Swinburne but that doesn't really count.

>>36297254
Last thing I will say nick. This guy didn't feel good after I talked with him. But he has greater insight into his situation and knows what he needs to do to make steps forward. That's how good advice works.

Later Nick. Oh ya. Remember... exit bag motherfucker. No one will miss you

>>36296789
You're pretty moe Piety-kun. What happened to you was terrible, and it must have taken courage to share it with us. So thank you for that.

>>36297321
Not good for what i am looking for.

>>36296847
>It just stands to reason that poorly informed advice is detrimental.

Such as yours.

I might just ignore you from now on. You've wasted enough of everyone's time and are still too pussy to admit why you're really here.

>>36296873
>Oh nick. It took you that long to come up with this pathetic of a reply.

That's because I respond to everyone in order. Believe it or not, but you aren't the only anon in the thread.

>I pity you man. You are a sad sack of shit.

And you're ony jelly jelly person.

>>36296889
>Like I'm aware of how pathetic everything I do and say is yet I keep on behaving this way. I'm so fucked man

This will accomplish nothing, Yoyo, you're just pushing yourself further down the hole.

>>36297171

1 - Drop the facade with one of your many friends.

2 - If that friend is gone, take your time to acquire a new one.

3 - Repeat the process until one remains after exposure.

By replacing a tool after it breaks, your toolbox shouldn't be missing anything.

>>36297343
Yeah I guess you're right but I'm really not in a good place at the moment and after almost 8 years on this fucking hellhole of a website what someone has to say online affects me very little anymore
God am I fucking up everything. But hey my spelling and grammar are relatively ok despite how much alcohol I've consumed this evening

>>36297339
I hate my father because he's such a pussy bitch. I've seen relatives and his own friends alike take advantage of him and use him for his kindness. Borrow money from him and never return, talk shit to him, hell, even to his face.

His boss at the construction temp agency even treats him like shit. And he just takes it like a pathetic fucking thing. My mother is spineless too. I already know other people in the neighborhood and at her job fuck with her cause I'm her son, but she doesn't ever stand up for herself.

My sister gets bullied a lot at school, but she can never even muster up the courage to TALK BACK to them. I had to defend her against her bullies.

They're good people morally and by society's standards, I guess, but they're so fucking weak and pathetic. They bow their heads and scramble for crumbs. For the amount of times they're shit on, they're repaid by living a mediocre life in a shitty neighborhood and couldn't even afford to save their first son due to medical bills.

I would never live like that or let anyone treat me like that. I hate them and don't ever want to be like them.

Maybe hate is a strong word but i feel a very strong burning dislike

>>36296987
>I don't wanna sound edgy, but I truly hate them.

Do tell me why because your description doesn't explain why you'd hate them.

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>>36297390
Not much courage needed, it's not even something that bothers me.

>>36297467
I'll try it anon.
:)

>>36297040
>I do however have a problem with nick.

That's one of the few true things you've stated.

>He pretends to know about psychological concepts

I'm not pretending, I do know a fair amount of psychological concepts, both in theory and in practice.

>hands our armchair psychological advice

Oftentimes, it's the same advice you'd get from a professional. I know because I also rely on my own therapist and regularly use the same questions and exercises she uses with me. You'd call my own therapist a pop psychologist and armchair psychological adviser just because it's me.

>more harm than good

You still can't say where you see that.

>>36297090

And

D) you'll never face the real reason why you're so angry at me. You're not fooling me, though, I know exactly what's going on and so do you, and that pisses you off all the more.

>>36297488
I understand where you're coming from. Your reaction is not that uncommon. When your examples - your role models - are weak, it can be painful. You see the people you care about powerless, and you, at least in childhood, powerless to help them. It's no wonder that it would affect you deeply. Nor is it any wonder that you so fear vulnerability. It explains a lot about your moral code too. You should have seen kindness beget kindness; instead you saw it being exploited. As such, you're deathly afraid of exploitation yourself. It's a tragic set of circumstances, and worse, completely beyond your control.

>>36297559
Distance from it, right? I doubt that it doesn't affect you, even if to talk about it doesn't.

>>36297371
>I'll go for all the therapy in the world, I'll even bloody go in a sensory deprivation chamber but drugs that alter how you think are a big no-no for me, in all my life I never even touched marijuana
For some people, these drugs improve their situation. They give them the initial inertia needed to make the first couple positive steps which start them up on improvement. Obviously this is not the case for everyone, so I understand your concern.

>I'm just not sure if it's what I wanna do or how I go about transforming from NEET to writer.
Yeah that is something I don't have an answer for. Saddly I'm not a journalist and I have very little idea about the field. But I imagine getting a portoflio of your work (for example the poetry) is a great start.

Also Algernon Swinburne looks dope as fuck.

>>36297112

You should get a name. I don't mind you helping, at all, but I'd appreciate if you took a name. That way, I can remember you and even rely on you for later threads.

>>36297559
I wish you success.

>>36297646
Not really it's not a big deal.
It did "effect" me but only in the way that it made me how i am now.

I talk about it, or think about it or w/e about it i won't feel any different

>>36297720
thanks.

>>36297733
>only in the way that it made me how i am now
And how are you now? You do realise, by the way, that you're saying that it shaped your entire identity? That's a fairly big effect.

>>36297376
>Last thing I will say nick. This guy didn't feel good after I talked with him. But he has greater insight into his situation and knows what he needs to do to make steps forward. That's how good advice works.

You obviously didn't pay attention to his actual reaction.

No big surprise there.

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>>36297667
Mm you'd understand my concern even better if you saw the change that it caused in my mother, father and close friend as well

Yeah I've considered sending it all off to places before. Just don't know where, like a newspaper editorial type of place. I don't know where I belong I guess you could say

Also nigga specifically this picture. That shit ain't dope as fuck.

>>36297720
>helping a known sociopath

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>>36297767
I'm well aware of how it changed me.
It's a non-issue.

>>36297471

Yoyo, the whole thing about blaming yourself for everything will not work. Don't listen to the troll, he's only talking to you because he knows I'm reading, and he wants you to feel like shit and have you thank him for it. Wake up.

Yes, there is work to do, and yes, you'll have to do it, but shitting on your own shoes isn't useful work and won't accomplish anything.

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>>36297672
What am I? Some kind of asset to this thread?

>>36297803
>a known sociopath
Does a sociopath not deserve to experience friendship?

>>36297488

Do you think it possible that, from an early age, you did your best to be the exact opposite?

Do you remember always being the way you are now or do you remember a twist at some point?

>>36297841
not one that literally tortures animals and gets robots to cut themselves for her

>>36297817
Doesn't sound like a non-issue, my kawaii-posting friend.

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Is there such a thing as psychological corporations that are specifically designed and created to scam people out of their money with therapy? I mean, is it particularly common?

I know that there's people who will immediately say that all of therapy is one big scam, and that the effectiveness of therapy relies largely on patients' faith that it will work. So therapy can be just as effective as anything else that people have faith on, whether it be: prayer, homeopathy, witchcraft, placebos, meditation, etc.

But are there corporations in which the therapists are all fully aware that the "therapy treatment" they offer is complete and utter bullshit?

I ask because I've recently begun what is apparently referred to as "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (CBT) and so far paid $600 for 6 sessions (it was recommended that I go to this so-called "therapy" for a total a six months, so that would be about 24 sessions in total... amounting to about $2,400)... but the whole thing just feels like bullshit to me. And yes, I am aware that "CBT" is a real thing as I'd read about it beforehand.

But my therapist seems to be be fully aware that this specific therapy treatment that I'm receiving isn't actually "CBT" and that this is all bullshit and that I'm being scammed out of my money real good. Or maybe it's because of compassion fatigue. Maybe they just stopped giving a fuck long ago.

I decided to look these people up to find out whether or not they were legitimate, and it does seem that they are, in fact, legitimate. For example: I looked up the owner of their practice (a psychologist with a PhD who evaluated me for personality disorders last year) license number on the California Department of Consumer Affairs web site, and he does indeed show up on there.

But their behavior towards me is all very strange, and it would all take me several posts to explain.

Pic related, it's page 1 of my psychological evaluation report.

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>>36297817
Communism talks about love and then slays humans as livestock.
You have been warned.

>>36297879
Yeah, definitely. I felt like I was born different. From my earliest interactions in, I never let nobody try and make me look like a pussy. Even if they were stronger. I was really aggressive as a child, but really only if provoked. I would just get into fights a lot. But I did have friends at this time though, I wasn't just like a dick to everybody lol

I always felt like the complete opposite to my father.

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>>36297910
An issue for someone like you perhaps.
I'm quite content other than the small task of finding a friend.

>>36297932
I don't care.
I'm not communist either.

>>36297841
>What am I? Some kind of asset to this thread?

Sure. If you help and anons appreciate your help, you're an asset to everyone. You can be Kermit if you want.

>>36297789
Are there any internships or entry level jobs available in your area? I imagine there would be. If I were to look for a career I'd either try to ask the people I know or I would use the internet, you should be able to find many places to apply.

Also english is not my first language (as you can probably tell) and it turns out I didn't know what dope actually meant...

>>36297831
Yeah I guess you're right but there's no-one else I can blame for the way I am
I don't know what else to do but "shit on my shoes"
Therapists have been mostly useless but I'm willing to try again
I'm against meds as I've stated and I'm stuck in a cycle of laziness and not doing jack shit with my life

>>36297888
>one that literally tortures animals and gets robots to cut themselves
Although it goes against social norms and moral, I don't see why that shouldn't make someone deserving of friendship.

>>36297969
Sure, I guess I can be Kermit.

>>36297912

100 bucks for a session doesn't strike me as crazy expensive, in that my own sessions cost 150 (though I only pay 10%, the rest being covered by my insurance), but it remains to be seen how these sessions work.

I would trust my feelings if I were you, but I'd like more detail on their strange behaviour.

>>36297946

So, no abuse from your parents? You always felt loved by both of them?

>>36297910
stop talking to the roastie sociopath

>>36297971
>Also english is not my first language (as you can probably tell) and it turns out I didn't know what dope actually meant...

You did. That hair is indeed dope as fuck. And nobody can tell English isn't your first language.

>>36297971
Not many places near my town, I live in kind of a bumfuck nowhere place. I might try and contact people online but I don't know what to say "hey I write mediocre politically volatile poetry and can string a sentence together, gibbe job plz"
I'll try though thank you Dan

Fucking kek, what did you think dope meant?

>>36298025
>Yeah I guess you're right but there's no-one else I can blame for the way I am

Because you don't know everything yet, and it's not a matter of blame, it's a matter of understanding consequences. At the end of the day, what you want is not someone to blame, but explanations as to what caused what and why.

>I don't know what else to do but "shit on my shoes"

Start by listening to me instead of the troll. He has no good intentions towards you or anyone else in the thread, he's just massively upset that he can't do what I do and keeps trying to shit everything up.

I would also recommend staying away from meds.

I don't remember your background, bit tired right now.

Can you remind me of your past?

>>36298087
>So, no abuse from your parents? You always felt loved by both of them?
No abuse at all, aside from light spanking as a kid which every kid got from a mexican parent. They were even nicer than other kids parents to what I could see.

I always felt loved by them, but it was hard for me to love them back because I felt just so different and just distanced from them. Especially seeing my dad treated the way he was by his brother, friends, coworkers, and similar cases with my sister and mom.

I just thought he was "lower" than me, even from a young age like 12-13. I remember one weird time he was talking to me in my bedroom just chilling and telling me he loved me and he was proud of me for something and he paused and said "you have really scary eyes anon haha" or something like that. I wasn't even looking at him angrily or anything iirc.

Maybe I just subconsciously thought he was shit from a very young age

>>36298116
Whilst I wouldn't agree with the dope as fuck comment, you're right about the English comment, I had no idea that it wasn't his first language

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>>36298066

>I would trust my feelings if I were you, but I'd like more detail on their strange behaviour.

I'm not exactly sure what to think of my third (and current) therapist. Her personality seems wildly inconsistent.

On my first session with her she seemed quirky, quick-witted, and even came off as mildly immature. She interrupted me several times by saying what she assumed I was about to say. After she interrupted me for about the fifth or sixth time, she started laughing.

During the second session she seemed like an almost completely different person. Her appearance was radically different, like she was trying to pull of a "mature" or even "wise" look. She also came off as slightly bitchy. She seemed mostly bored or even annoyed as she kept sighing a lot throughout the session. At some point I started talking about something that I felt was relevant in regards to my family, like how they seem largely anti-science because whenever I start talking to them about science-related topics (whether they be about: genetics, neurology, mental illness, astronomy, etc.) they tend to get unusually defensive and start talking about God like how I was somehow offending him.

At that point my therapist then cut me off and said something like: "Right. Science. You're really big on science. You're Mr. Science Man."

That was just so weird and random, I just responded with: "Uhhh... yeah." And I didn't bother finishing the point that I was trying to make. I remember thinking to myself: "The hell was that about? That was kind of bitchy. Did she do that on purpose? Is she testing me somehow? Or maybe she's just religious and she felt offended. This might get awkward. I'm not exactly sure how this is supposed to help me overcome social anxiety."

In the third session I could swear that she must've been high as fuck on Adderall.

Pic related, it's page 2 of my psychological evaluation report.

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>>36298105
That's not a very nice thing to say about me anon.

>>36298176
Mother did nothing with her life, has major depression which made my childhood unhappy. Her meds turn her into a zombie and make her act high and are responsible for some really shitty memories. Dad was an abusive alcoholic before I was born and it fucked my sister up subconsciously. Dad is a deadbeat but I still love him despite it all.
You suspected I had BPD as a defence from all of that

>>36298194
>Especially seeing my dad treated the way he was by his brother, friends, coworkers, and similar cases with my sister and mom.

This may have caused you major insecurities as a child, and might have molded your belief system about "might is right", because you probably didn't feel like your father could protect you, if he couldn't protect himself.

>Maybe I just subconsciously thought he was shit from a very young age

And you may have been angry at him for not being capable of protecting you, so you had to do it yourself, or at least prepare yourself to defend yourself on your own.

>>36298211
>Whilst I wouldn't agree with the dope as fuck comment,

I really think Dan was saying the hair was pretty cool.

>>36298105
Doesn't every thread need a qt poster? What could be more appropriate to our purposes than one such as her?

>>36298315
Hey Nick. This is very weird, and I commend you for being able to make me say this. First time I've ever told anyone. irl or online

I did sort of experience one incident of "abuse" I guess when I was younger. Only reason why I didn't list it earlier and why I'm telling you know is that because despite how weird or fucked up it may seem it didn't really affect me at all honestly

like i didn't care at the time, and when the memory finally resurfaces I was like, "whoa goddamn I was molested!" but i literally just kind of shrugged it off like it just happened. it didn't seem to mold anything

happened when I was 6-7 iirc by an older male cousin. No, he didn't put it in my ass

>>36298222
>She interrupted me several times by saying what she assumed I was about to say.

This is neither normal nor advisable. It's like she's trying to prove something to you, instead of listening to you and pocketing her ego.

My therapist has never interrupted me, not once, and I've seen her for around 30 hours by now.

>After she interrupted me for about the fifth or sixth time, she started laughing.

That's mildly worrisome.

>Her appearance was radically different, like she was trying to pull of a "mature" or even "wise" look. She also came off as slightly bitchy. She seemed mostly bored or even annoyed as she kept sighing a lot throughout the session.

She sounds fucked up.

>At that point my therapist then cut me off and said something like: "Right. Science. You're really big on science. You're Mr. Science Man."

Dude, run. Honestly, fucking run. Be aware that some people who are really fucked up pursue psychology in studies for themselves, because they know they're fucked, and end up therapists, even when they can't help anyone. What the fuck... She is legitimately wrong.

Honestly, run. Her behaviour is completely off.

>>36298338
Oh it's a curse, can't do jack shit with it and it looks gay as hell. I've been hit on by more gay men than women

>>36298293
>You suspected I had BPD as a defence from all of that

And what do you think of having BPD traits?

>>36298467
What do you mean, do I have them or what do I think of having them?
Cause I change the way I act around others and my personal philosophy daily and I can't choose what I want to be
And for the other question I probably place it way higher on the "what makes me, me" scale than I should cause I'm a narcissistic mess

>>36298424

I've experienced that sort of reaction too, for many things. I never forgot, but never thought of it as significant or anything. Then, with a new point of view, I had a revelation, like you.

At this age, this will certainly have had an effect on you, mainly around trust, but you may also have felt like you couldn't tell your father because you knew he wouldn't do anything about it.

Was that a thought you had as a kid?

Can you describe the molestation?

>>36298450
>Be aware that some people who are really fucked up pursue psychology in studies for themselves, because they know they're fucked
Can confirm, most of my family studied psychology and they're all absolute fruitcakes.

>>36298517
>cause I'm a narcissistic mess

You aren't. Clearly. Narcs are unable to have the self-doubt you show.

Does the BPD stuff help make sense of your behaviour in any way?

>>36298518
>Was that a thought you had as a kid?
I had a bunch of thoughts. You gotta be specific
>Can you describe the molestation?
It was like a couple times cause my cousin was staying over. He was 17 or 18 I think. Maybe older.

He would just undress me and rub his dick against me and touch me and shit until he ejaculated all over me, then he'd clean me off. I know it may sound like I'm memeing at this point but I'm totally serious wey

i dont remember him forcefuly putting anything inside me but i do remember maybe him eating my ass

I even remember the reason why he told me he was doing it when I asked. He told me it was a spell or some shit to make me a good boy and he had to do it a lot

>>36298596
>I had a bunch of thoughts. You gotta be specific

The thought that your father couldn't protect you.

>He would just undress me and rub his dick against me and touch me and shit until he ejaculated all over me, then he'd clean me off. I know it may sound like I'm memeing at this point but I'm totally serious wey

Why would it sound like you're meme-ing?

>Side quests:
>a. collect online tests that are worth their salt, tested by people from here who have corresponding diagnoses
>b. make OC to illustrate the thread and various mental illnesses
>c. post a fuckload of Pepe's
>d. post songs every now and then, the thread is getting comfy tonight

Nobody cares about mu side quests.

>>36298587
Well I'm obsessed with my own emotions and behaviour like a narcissist, I'm the main character of the life I live

Yeah it does but I don't really know what to do about it now I've stuck a label across it all

>>36298636
>Why would it sound like you're meme-ing?
With all the trap shit lately on /r9k/ this would sound like some gay shota fantasy, but it really happened to me.

Also, yeah I knew he couldn't protect me from a young age.

I'm not sure, everything was kind of a blur at that age, but i mightve told my mom about the "good boy spells" but i dont remember anything happened like my cousin was still staying there for a couple days before he left

How's your psychoanalysis of me going? What kind of person do you think I am?

>>36298683
>Well I'm obsessed with my own emotions and behaviour like a narcissist,

Clearly not what a narc focuses on. What you find doesn't make you happy or proud, and makes you feel ashamed; if a narc found this in themselves, which they would if they looked, they'd instantly look away and never try that again.

Narcissism isn't about "thinking about oneself", and in a way, it's the exact opposite.

State what you think is your biggest issue for now.

>>36297969
Done. I am now Kermit in this thread.

>>36298760
I'm wasting my life, wasted my youth and I don't know where I'm going with it

>>36296828
I felt comfy, warm, safe

>>36298705
>How's your psychoanalysis of me going? What kind of person do you think I am?

We've established a number of things:

>parents weren't able to make you feel safe
>abuse from relative at an early age
>diminished emotions on your part

Did you speak Spanish or English first? I assume Spanish since your parents are Mexican, but you say you're from the US, originally, did you learn English at school?

>>36298773

Kermit Doonxuunf, that's pretty rad.

This thread needs more frogs anyway.

>>36298808

A sense of purpose and direction. This goes with a sense of self, I think.

I keep forgetting, I'm sorry. Parents?

>>36298825

Sounds pretty good. What other thoughts came to your mind?

>>36298864

stuff i said about parents is here>>36298293

>>36298828
I learned spanish at home and english at school and from books and movies. Even after I ran away from home i had stacks of books with me from survival books to army manuals i jacked and some books on meditation and shit

Honestly i didnt read half of them because there was so much to do after running awya but I ended up reading a lot later. Internet helped too

Do you speak spanish?

>>36298909

OK, sorry about that, I am weakening.

How about your relationships? How does that go?

>>36298919
>Do you speak spanish?

Not a word, sadly.

How do you feel about today's lengthy conversation? Are there new ideas rolling around in your head and unlocking stuff?

>>36298953
Recently got a first time gf, that's all good and lovely
Friends are all off doing things with their lives and getting jobs while I stay at home
Best friend of many years is going off breaking many girls hearts as per usual
Usually I'm really aggressive as a reflex to people I don't really know

>>36298450

>Honestly, run. Her behaviour is completely off.

Very well.

I was also curious if I could please learn about your opinions regarding: psychiatry, psychology, and/or other mental health care -related fields? I ask, because; I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder" back in July of 2013. A psychologist diagnosed me with the following three disorders: "Major Depressive Disorder", "Generalized Anxiety Disorder", and "Social Anxiety Disorder" back in July of 2016 (after administering the "Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory - 2" alongside several other diagnostic classification, rating scales, checklists, inventories, and surveys.) However, I can't help but notice that most people don't consider these to be real "illnesses". In fact, even I'm not sure that I believe these to be real illnesses.

Nobody in my family (or anybody else around me, for that matter) seems to care about me having been diagnosed with these disorders. A cousin of mine simply scoffed at the idea of me being diagnosed with ADHD, making a dismissive hand gesture at me and proclaiming, "everybody has ADHD!" My mother tells me, "oh, you have depression? Then why don't you simply stop being depressed? Will yourself out of your depression!" Other people have told me that social anxiety isn't a "real problem".

I've noticed that even among all of my doctors there's disagreements about what is or isn't "science". What is or isn't "pseudoscience". I'll have my psychiatrist telling me, "for testing for personality disorders there's the 'MMPI-2' which isn't very scientific." I'll have my psychologist telling me, "the psychiatrists of today are like the alchemists of the Middle Ages. The alchemists believed that they could create gold from lead, which we now know is impossible. Psychiatrists believe in 'chemical imbalances'. There is no such thing as 'chemical imbalances'."

So what do you think?

>>36299016

OK.

Are you considering seeing a professional in the near future?

>>36298877
You're asking me to use words...
I guess "I like this", just like I could sleep

>>36298971
>Are there new ideas rolling around in your head and unlocking stuff?
Yeah, I'll list them

>beginning to wonder if I'm not actually just an exceptionally "strong" normal person but an impaired person with some kind of disorder
>wondering if the sexual incident with my older cousin was actually more than just "a simple incident in my childhood"

All this stuff is just feuling my feelings of just paranoia of all this punishment and hellfire and shit. Honestly, I know my logic of "strong eat weak" and shit is pretty flawed. I mean, it sounds like some edgy 15 year old kid mantra but I lived by it. I went hard.

I just think really maybe everything I thought I was wasn't right and I'm wrong about who am I and I'm really just compensating for being like my family which I hate and I don't know

I just want the peace of mind to either continue on this path of my life blissfully or to find an option to abandon it completely without getting punished by God.

Like that one poem or whatever by that one famous guy. Either reign in hell or serve in heaven.

I probably fucked it up, but it went something like that

>>36299057
Seen a couple in the past, last one told me I need to "chill out" so I stopped going cause it didn't help. Think I'll probably start going again soon

>>36299048
>In fact, even I'm not sure that I believe these to be real illnesses.

You certainly have symptoms that led to these things, but it's nowhere near the real problem, in my opinion. ADHD is bullshit, and depression and anxiety are comorbid with everyone's mother.

>My mother tells me, "oh, you have depression? Then why don't you simply stop being depressed? Will yourself out of your depression!" Other people have told me that social anxiety isn't a "real problem".

You seem surrounded by cunts, if I am to be blunt. That may lead you to be depressed, in fact.

>I was also curious if I could please learn about your opinions regarding: psychiatry, psychology, and/or other mental health care -related fields?

It's the same field, psychology or psychiatry, what differs is that only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication.

>Psychiatrists believe in 'chemical imbalances'. There is no such thing as 'chemical imbalances'."

I tend to sort of agree with that, for most disorders.

They're correct in that psychiatry has models that change, vary, overlap, and are redefined whenever the DSM comes out again, but that's fine, that's how a field evolves.

Think of all these diagnoses as maps, and that maps aren't the land. They're models that help understand, but it doesn't matter if you fit things to a T or not.

I don't think the program you're on is going to help you, though.

Describe your symptoms in your own words, with examples if you can.

>>36299088

No other thoughts?

Do this: imagine a small island, where you are. There's absolutely nothing on it, and you're just waiting.

Suddenly, something arrives on your island, what is it?

>>36299095
>I just think really maybe everything I thought I was wasn't right and I'm wrong about who am I and I'm really just compensating for being like my family which I hate and I don't know

Could be, since the goodness of your parents made you feel insecure, you may have wanted to repress that in yourself.

>Like that one poem or whatever by that one famous guy. Either reign in hell or serve in heaven.

John Milton, based on a poem by some older Greek author, forget which exactly.

I studied Paradise Lost for 3 whole semesters back in the day.

>>36299096

Make sure to run if they sound shit. Try various ones if needed.

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>>36299290
Good thing I don't torture animals. Fuckin' savages amirite?

>>36299305
Thanks my man. Now don't let me keep you up all night

>>36299444

I'd rather not go to bed just now, don't worry.

>>36299234
I'm trying not to be smart about this and say "a boat" or something, I guess a axe

>>36299519
>I'm trying not to be smart about this

Don't try anything, just visualise it and tell me whatever comes first in your mind.

>a axe

What?

>>36299582
I wanna play. What game are we playing?

>>36299582
I was gonna type a knife, but decided the axe was better so I didn't correct it to "an axe", oops

Personal symptoms getting weird here. Maybe I'm just getting tired, though I don't feel slippy.

Getting increasingly concerned that I might develop way more anxiety in future, perhaps even panic attacks, my worst fear.

>>36299688

Imagine a small island. Nothing is on it except palm trees.

Suddenly, somethines arrives on your island, what is it?

>>36299708

An axe/knife arrives on your island.

Now that's interesting. Any idea what made you think of that?

>>36299720
Ah, it's a rotting sheep carcass. There's a large opening in its side and the material within is all brown. Not a big fan desu

>>36299777

Interesting. I have no idea where that mental exercise comes from, by the way, I'm just making shit up as I go, but it sounded like a good idea to ask that.

Any idea what made you think of that?

>>36299736
"I don't want to die, an axe would help"
I also ignored anything that could lead to escape (flare gun, raft, radio, etc.) because that'd be cheating

>>36299816
The first thing that came to mind was
>I'm going to die alone

>>36299841

Interesting. You saw the island as something to escape. A place where you must survive.

>>36299843

And now you have a dead sheep to keep you company.

Song related:

https://youtu.be/WEhpAg1jLEQ

>>36299885
The next thing that comes to mind is a long, thin flute embedded within the sheep. I cannot play the flute. Thanks for nothing, sheep!

>>36299720
Shit I wanna play
A military uniform and sabre washes up. I dunno what time period it's from but it looks kind of Napoleonic. Time to begin my adventure

>>36299923
>a long, thin flute embedded within the sheep.

How did it get there?

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>>36299476
hey Nick. i wanted to ask you: when i was 11 my dad fondled my genitals by mistake. back then i didnt do anything i just freezed and let it happen. im not traumatized or anything i just feel i should had been less passive and reacted and i feel very ashamed about it. it really reflects my general reaction to things. is that normal? how can i fix it?

>>36299860
Well it's an island. You ever played Far Cry 3? King Kong lived on an island, Pearl Harbor was on an island, cannibals live on islands, Lost was an island, islands ain't safe
Would you just settle down with your new life?

>>36299931
>A military uniform and sabre washes up.

It's adventure time! Go kick some ass!

>>36299931
Well two can play that came. I'm gonna don the carcass and use the flute to cast bardic magic and as an extremely inefficient melee weapon. Looks like I'm providing buffs and modest healing so you'd better have good DPS.

>>36299945
Forced down its throat while it was alive. It was put there to be found. It has some utility, but I'm not sure what.

>>36300007
Sounds good. I've got a sabre, we've got a guy with an axe and you, our druid

>>36299958
>when i was 11 my dad fondled my genitals by mistake.

I'm not sure it was by mistake, what makes you think so?

>back then i didnt do anything i just freezed and let it happen.

Humans have evolved to react in 3 main ways to danger: fight, flight, or freeze. Humans have been known to stay inside burning airplanes as a reaction to fear; they thought that staying immobile made them safer.

> im not traumatized or anything i just feel i should had been less passive and reacted and i feel very ashamed about it.

A common reaction, but don't forget who's responsible, and it wasn't you. You weren't responsible for the fondling, nor your reaction to it.

> it really reflects my general reaction to things. is that normal?

Yes. I think you don't realise how much of an impact this may have had on you.

Broken trust is the first thing: this is someone who should have protected you from the world, and, instead, abused you. That is one of the most traumatic thing you can live as a child.

If you can't trust your parents, death is around every corner.

To fix it, you'll have to look into it a lot more, and figure things out.

You'll have to learn how to feel safe, protected, loved, in ways you haven't experienced.

>>36300037
Deal with the hands you're dealt I guess. So, what do we do now? I could begin my communing with the ocean (playing the flute badly and performing some kind of jig. What do you do?

>>36299959
>You ever played Far Cry 3?

Yes. The happiest time I can remember, I played this many hours a day, 3 years ago, around this time, too.

>>36300007
>It has some utility, but I'm not sure what.

Use it and summon the Uber Sheep, a creature of magic powers and shear violence (punny pun pun).

>>36300072
Go to town at making a shelter, cut down some bushes and trees with the saber for materials
Sounds good, get on that druid magic to attract someone to rescue us

>we weren't meant to be
>maybe in some other life
>in some other world

Literally niagaring my eyes out typing those words. She wrote that hours ago and I'm still reeling from reading that. It had a physical effect on me. I'm Borderlining hard, very hard.