Psychological Issues #32

1 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35498409/
2 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35521806/
3 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35541735/
4 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35547290/
5 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35567230/
6 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35668421/
7 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35689780/
8 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35716442/
9 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35740738/
10 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35763440/
11 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35777773/
12 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35803625/
13 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35835561/
14 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35855848/
15 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35876435/
16 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35882457/
17 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35906378/
18 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35926221/
19 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35945942/
20 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35971403/
21 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/35994443/
22 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36019645/
23 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36040635/
24 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36089774/
25 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36093480/
26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36108068/

I misnumbered, so there are two threads #26

26 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36132647/
27 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36158561/
28 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36183284/
29 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36210653/
30 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36244000/
31 - https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/36259571/

>>36284773
The following user likes to be a wastebut and not vice president and have no clue what the fuck do people mire their families and have no motivation and not abducted to me I look swole coming out and awkward as a little boy with that I actually fucking manlet what to say n fourth with a little late to me and says the fuck do people be robots were being sarcastic fuck.

>>36284836

Is this what happens when /fit/ writes a letter together, one word at a time?

I just wanna know about OP. Job? Degree? Childhood?

He's so mysterious... Please tell us about yourself.

>>36284954

I had started writing you a post and only then realised you're probably the troll that tells me to kill myself every time I open the thread.

>>36284954
He's a complete loser who attention seeks because his life is shit. Just some faggot with mental health problems who thinks now his advice is worth something.

>>36285010
No. That's me actually. I am the one who tells you to kill youself. Hi again nick you autistic faggot.

So a) kill youself
And b) why haven't you finally killed youself yet ??

>>36285013

You couldn't wait for my response, could you?

You have 31 threads archived showing you that most people here think my advice and help are actually worth something. The thread now always goes to bump limit and plenty of people have become regulars here; we're almost doing group therapy at this point.

You're just bitter, but you're still welcome to share your problems if you change your mind.

>>36285034
>I am the one who tells you to kill youself
>So a) kill youself
>finally killed youself yet

>youself

Are you somehow scared to use the correct word or something? Do you feel like using a slightly different word exonerates you from saying what you're saying? Just curious.

>>36285038
It's not hard to get robots to think you are something special. In the land of the blind the man with one eye is king.

>>36285065
I'm not paying attention to what I type because im phone posting while watching tv with my girlfriend.

>>36285073
>It's not hard to get robots to think you are something special.

Being special isn't always a good thing. However, that is never the point here. The point is to deliver useful help, be it information, comfort, tests, education, company, etc.

If you're honest, you'll admit that this is what I focus on in these threads.

>>36285102
>while watching tv with my girlfriend.

I feel bad for you that shitposting in my thread is perceived by you to be more worthy of your time than being with your girlfriend.

>>36285073
So what exactly does he get out of this? Feeling of superiority? I think you're looking for an angle that doesn't exist.

If bunch of people want to meet up in threads and talk about their problems, what's the big fucking deal? And if Nick just so happens to be the guy who creates these threads, so what?

You're making a big deal out of this. I think I know why. I used to be like you, shitting up Nicks threads with personal attacks, insults and derails.

>>36285117
>I used to be like you, shitting up Nicks threads with personal attacks, insults and derails.

I laughed, because this is true. Anon, beware, you might end up liking me in the end...

Hello Dan, how are you?

>>36285115
I'm never too busy too tell nick to kill himself

Also the main reason I hate the Guy is because he posts "psychological advice" which is not accurate.

>>36285182
>he posts "psychological advice" which is not accurate.

If you'd be so kind as to indicate what kind of advice, I'll be happy to know why you think it's not "accurate", especially if there's a tangible reason why that might be, which you're welcome to explain too.

I'll so note that if that is really the reason why you hate me, you'd be better off actually explaining why it's not good advice than just trolling around.

File: IMG_5650.jpg (100KB, 981x678px) Image search: [Google]

100KB, 981x678px

Suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, MDD, anxiety, and a lack of access to medication
My question is what do you robots do when you can't sleep? I'm not looking for sleep tips but more so activities on my phone to pass the time (videos, articles, etc)

>>36285215

Have you ever seen a psychiatrist about this?

What kind of paranoia do you experience?

>>36285139
Pretty good. I've been trying to make less assumptions. I have realized that my paranoia really might have made me see everything in the worst colors possible. It's pretty hard though, once your thought processes automate themselves, it's like these negative things just pop into your head.

All in all, I'm good. I've been trying to learn german on my own and after about a year, I can understand written text (for the most part). So that's what I've been doing this weekend so far, learning german.

How are you?

File: 47505745.jpg (409KB, 2000x1000px) Image search: [Google]

409KB, 2000x1000px

Hi, Nick. I posted in one of your previous threads.

I got some problems that I really want to open up to someone about, however due to the nature of those problems, the safest person I can open up to might be someone on an anonymous image board.

>>36285275
Forgot to tripfag. I usually would never use a tripcode.

>>36285252
>Pretty good. I've been trying to make less assumptions. I have realized that my paranoia really might have made me see everything in the worst colors possible.

Yes, I confirm this.

> It's pretty hard though, once your thought processes automate themselves, it's like these negative things just pop into your head.

It's like reprogramming. It will take time but the fact that you've become aware of it is a extremely positive and was the hardest step to take. I'm optimistic.

>All in all, I'm good. I've been trying to learn german on my own and after about a year, I can understand written text

That's impressive!

My personal state isn't good, but I'd rather not talk about myself too much here.

>>36285240
I lost my insurance so seeing a psych would be risky with my budget, but not impossible
I have general paranoia of people, the dark, noises but it's usually focused on the fear of something lurking near me to kill me 24/7. For example tonight I had to call my mother to come over because I swore there was a woman/entity in my kitchen screaming and ready to kill me

>>36285275
>>36285289

I remember reading your posts, I remember the raccoon and your name, but your issues elude me for now.

I'm all ears.

>>36285326
>I swore there was a woman/entity in my kitchen screaming and ready to kill me

Did you see/hear her?

>>36285343
Heard her very clearly, only saw shadows moving. (My apartment is pitch black with only slight moonlight coming in)

>>36285334
Well, I'm think I might be coming pretty close to suicide. Or something resembling suicide. I've gone down a really messed up path in life. It used to not effect me like this, I could ignore it and sleep fine at night but now everything is kind of dawning on me on how garbage I am and how I deserve to go to hell or whatever hell in the theoretical sense may be.

My only two options either seem to be suicide, or crossing the border (trump kek) to the U.S. which they'll probably just deport me. And if I don't get deported, I'll probably spend the rest of my life in prison anyways.

I think I might want to die, I just want to die painlessly and not here.

>>36285371

That's pretty frightening. No wonder you're scared constantly.

How regularly does this (or other) happen?

>>36285323
>My personal state isn't good, but I'd rather not talk about myself too much here.
Well I think it would be interesting. After all, we all talk about our problems. Maybe someone can offer some insight.

>>36285374
>how garbage I am and how I deserve to go to hell

Why are you "garbage"? What have you done? (I'm not here to judge you, make sure to understand that; what you've done, talking about it is a good thing, so don't worry.)

>>36285402
About 4-5 times a day, every other day but it's not always this bad

>>36285404

Yes, certainly, and I do sometimes, but I have a couple of reasons not to go too much into depth.

>trolls
>self-serving
>people who know me and know the thread is on
>less time to spend on others

I do mention them, just not in too much detail.

>>36285415
I've committed a bunch of crimes. I'm not gonna go into too much detail,(in case of fbi-chan) but I've caused a lot of pain and suffering for many families in my country, I'm sure of.

Legally, I've done enough to warrant a life sentence in most countries, I'm guessing.

>>36285420

Damn, that's a lot. Is there really no way you can get psychiatrical help?

Do your parents or other relatives suffer from similar issues?

>>36285444

I understand.

We can skip details here. If you'd like to speak of this more privately, I have options.

How do you feel about what you've done?

And why did you do it? (I ask simple questions on purpose.)

>>36285182
>>36285201

I'm still waiting for a response to this, anon!

>>36285460
>How do you feel about what you've done?
I used to not really care, or maybe just act like I didn't, but now everything seems to be kind of dawning on me and it's making me sick. Sometimes even physically sick. I'm starting to get to an age where I'm thinking about the future and I'm not that immature anymore, and I don't see much of a future anymore on this path.
>And why did you do it?
I work for a criminal organization in my country.
>I have options.
Like what?

>>36285448
There is a way but I would basically have to commit myself, and I'm already on thin ice at work
My mother is trying to help me find some options so fingers crossed
I have several cousins with similar problems but they developed it from drug abuse

>>36285485
>I used to not really care, or maybe just act like I didn't, but now everything seems to be kind of dawning on me and it's making me sick. Sometimes even physically sick. I'm starting to get to an age where I'm thinking about the future and I'm not that immature anymore, and I don't see much of a future anymore on this path.

That's highly interesting. Did anything beside aging cause this change to happen?

>I work for a criminal organization in my country.

Is this still your job at the moment?

>Like what?

I must have sounded more complicated and ominous than I meant, I have an e-mail address you can write to. That said, considering your circumstances, I assume it will take a lot more time before you can trust me (although I won't ask for details that could identify you).

Aspergers, ADHD, and depression all in one. Needless to say I'm an absolute fucking wreck. I really do try my hardest to do well in life but it's just too difficult at this point.

>>36285498

Have you seen a progression or a regression in your symptoms? Are things getting worse or better, or they just keep on going without changes?

>>36285519
>Did anything beside aging cause this change to happen?
I talked to a family member who I used to take care of and looks up to me recently. Also, I probably should've worded the aging this correctly. I'm barely 20.
>Is this still your job at the moment?
Yes.

>>36285528
>Aspergers, ADHD, and depression all in one.

All but one. We'll see how this works out but I am confident that you don't have Asperger's and you don't have ADHD.

You forgot to use a name so I will baptise you. You're now "Allen", from "all in one", sorta.

Give me some symptoms.

>>36285530
Mostly it is getting better, I no longer have voices 24/7 and I am in control of my actions
The night terrors like this have been getting worse, but I think it's due to outside causes

>>36285563
>I'm barely 20.

I hadn't assume you were very old, just older. But you do well to specify.

I'll ask a few questions:

1. Do the crimes you're guilty of involve murder and torture and other traumatic events? (And when I ask that, I mean traumatic for you, not that I don't care for your victims, of course, but we're focusing on you for the time being.)

2. Do you have nightmares about it?

3. Do you envision various possibilities for your future? What are the other options?

>>36285600
>but I think it's due to outside causes

Tell me about that.

>>36285574
Socially awkward. Often don't pick up social signs. I also fixate on single topics for long periods of time. Those topics are things I can't stop thinking about.

ADHD is officially diagnosed. Often have trouble concentrating, generally tend to get extremely hyper if I'm in the one spot for too long.

Depression has been diagnosed and medicated often. I kind of wonder if it's just the symptom of the first two though.

>>36285609
>Do the crimes you're guilty of involve murder and torture
Yes.
>Do you have nightmares about it?
I have nightmares, but the nightmares don't seem to be directly about the things I've done. Though there does seem to be a link. I've been having a lot of nightmares recently and even been considering /x/-tier retard possibilities to some of the stuff in my nightmares because some of the stuff in my nightmares has been "crossing over"

sounds fucky and weird, but I can go into more detail if you'd like.
>Do you envision various possibilities for your future? What are the other options?
I'm so far gone that my options are very slim. Unless I manage to somehow magically teleport to the other side of the globe my safest place seems like a U.S. maximum security prison where I'll be isolated for the rest of my days.

If I get deported back to my home country and imprisoned here, I will definitely die a nasty death.

>>36285671
Allen here by the way.

>>36285671

You still forgot your name, Allen. (If Allen isn't call, choose one for yourself, I'm not that serious about it, but you really need one or I will soon not be able to remember you.)

ADHD and depression, while officially diagnosed, still aren't the problem in my opinion. ADHD really doesn't exist, though the symptoms that led to its diagnosis do exist; and depression is a symptom rather than a condition onto itself, still in my opinion.

I'd like you to describe your parents, your relationship to them and any traumatic events in your past.

Hey, I hate popping in like "I'm here, fix me", but I'm here, fix me
On a serious note, the "tuning into emotions" thing isn't working for me, even with the range of emotions I had from going to dinner with my parents last night. I could tell I was 2 layers of jealous, but happy for them

>>36285684
>considering /x/-tier retard possibilities to some of the stuff in my nightmares because some of the stuff in my nightmares has been "crossing over"

Tell me about that. I'm pretty /x/ myself. (With massive pinches of salt.)

>I'm so far gone that my options are very slim. Unless I manage to somehow magically teleport to the other side of the globe my safest place seems like a U.S. maximum security prison where I'll be isolated for the rest of my days.

I'm assuming you're Mexican. Would you be safe if you just left your country? Or would people pursue you?

>>36285708
>Hey, I hate popping in like "I'm here, fix me", but I'm here, fix me

That was funny. Kek be praised.

>I could tell I was 2 layers of jealous

Then you successfully tuned into your emotions, right?

>>36285617
Well before I lost my insurance, my psych basically exhausted all her typical methods and decided I needed to face my fears. So I keep my apartment dark as night, took all the doors out (besides main door) and leave the blinds open. Since I have done this I feel like these events happen more often, but I also feel a little pride for being able to work past it. I also watch horror movies again in small amounts

>>36285760
>exhausted all her typical methods and decided I needed to face my fears.

Interesting, but goddam...

>Since I have done this I feel like these events happen more often

Was gonna say.

Simply, if it doesn't work, don't do it. You don't get hallucinations because you "don't face your fears", for crying out loud, you get them because your brain dysfunctions. If they're fear-based, fear will probably trigger them more, not less, as seems to be the case.

Try doing the exact opposite: close doors, close blinds, leave lights on, watch romantic movies or comedies, or documentaries, have cool comforting music on, etc.

See what happens.

Waiting for other schizos in the thread to give advice on medication. There should be something you can take that would help, but I am not psychiatrist.

>>36285705
My childhood was pretty bad. I grew up poor and was raised by a single mother. My older sister was extremely violent and emotionally abusive towards me growing up.

My mother has a lot of mental illnesses and trauma herself. She didn't work as I grew up and she would often have emotional fits. She wasn't intentionally neglectful, she just wasn't up for the task.

Dad was a violent alcoholic my mum left when I was 4. Thankfully he died when I was 12, which was the only way I knew I was safe from him.

>>36285745
I was jealous because of my parents, but happy they were happy, but jealous I'll never have what they have
That's all pretty straightforward stuff, I won't jump the gun and say anything yet

>>36285730
>Tell me about that.
Oh boy. Here we go. However you interpret the following events I'll describe to you is up to you.

Strange figures with weird erratic movement show up in my dreams a lot. I can't seem to remember any specific features about any of them. Recently I was in a hotel and in the hallway, in the corner there seemed to be a individual (a young person, couldn't make out the gender) facing the corner completely. They were kind of bouncing up and down from their knees up, almost like doing jumping jacks but low to the floor, and swinging their arms back and forth in a "cross" motion. This is the exact same motion I've seen those figures do in my dreams.

Another incident happened as I was walking to where I was currently staying. An old lady just walked up to me and just fucking screamed. Like just screamed. A very vicious just constant scream for like 3 seconds. And she stopped and was just shaking, looking at me all weird and shit. No joke. She walked away and I never saw her again. I even moved locations cause I was so freaked out.

Another incident happened at a street corner where they place flowers for victims of gang violence in my country. This was just this feb, on valentine's day. There was a single woman just standing there and she turned around and said "feliz dia del amor" or which is like happy valentine's day, but she said it in the most weirdest shaky tone every and she looked incredibly angry at me. Like raging angry, but just frozen angry saying nothing else until I walked away

I know, sounds very weird and surreal. A couple more stuff happened too.

>Would you be safe if you just left your country? Or would people pursue you?
I'd probably get pursued within the U.S. Maybe I'd be safe in Canada or overseas.

>>36285467
What was the question there nick. You just spout shit because you are a pretentious faggot. If you ask a direct question maybe I will answer

>>36285800

This time, I decided not to "predict" your past to you before you told me so I wouldn't sound like a magician, but that's pretty much what I expected.

I'll jump to conclusions in case you won't stick around, so excuse me if I sound brash.

The condition you suffer from is called C-PTSD, or complex post traumatic stress disorder. You have it because you developed it in childhood to cope with the hostile environment you lived in.

It's not your fault, you survived, you're a survivor now. Forget about ADHD bullshit and the rest. All your ADHD symptoms are literal results from traumatic time spent in a hostile environment with dangerous people around you, whether they meant to be dangerous or not.

You are carrying extremely heavy things, Allen, and you may not be fully aware of it.

Here's some reading for you:

http://www.synergiacounselling.com/the-complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-cptsd-test/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

http://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/General-Information/Types-of-child-abuse


You may recognise some of your people as narcs or Borderliners. I hope this helps.

>>36285808
>jealous I'll never have what they have

Or never have what she has? What do you mean exactly?

>I won't jump the gun and say anything yet

Do jump the gun, just to see.

>>36285831

It is very unsettling indeed. Are you 100% positive these aren't hallucinations? (I don't think they are, but I still have to ask.)

It's as though some people know what you did and get angry at you, and that is no doubt how you interpret these events.

>>36285885
Ok. This is an example of your bullshit nick. Complex ptsd is not a recognized condition by psychologists. It's just a proposed cluster of symptoms to help better conceptualiza trauma and it's precursive nature to certain disorders.

>>36285786
I think I will try that, I just wanted to give her idea a shot because most people I knew who suffered from depression recovered from brute force and hard methods. I guess it doesn't work for everyone though
I really do hope another schizo can speak on meds, google is right there but I prefer a real, unpaid persons take on it

>>36285890
>Or never have what she has? What do you mean exactly?
Both, that's what I meant by 2 layers, I'm jealous she has him, I'm glad they're happy, but jealous of their relationship in general
>Do jump the gun, just to see.
What would that entail? You lost me

>>36285933
>Are you 100% positive these aren't hallucinations?
Nope. I'm considering that a possibility. Especially since one of them happened when I was high on methamphetamine and sleep-deprived. That was the Valentine's day incident.

>>36285872
>What was the question there nick.

A response can come to something said, not necessarily a question:

>If you'd be so kind as to indicate what kind of advice, I'll be happy to know why you think it's not "accurate", especially if there's a tangible reason why that might be, which you're welcome to explain too.

I'd like to know the sort of advice I give that you think isn't "accurate".

>>36285940
It's not exactly bullshit, it will be recognized in the ICD in 2018. It is a relatively new concept so of course it hasn't been added to the DSM yet, it needs extensive research

>>36285963
I pointed out an example in regard to the complex ptsd. I'm not going to read through your entire thread and point out every bullshit thing you said. I don't have all day

>>36285964
Ya. Exactly. It's not a current diagnosis. Just a proposed area of research. And the icd isn't even sure they will include it. Currently it's just pop psychology.

>>36285940
>Ok. This is an example of your bullshit nick. Complex ptsd is not a recognized condition by psychologists.

It's been written about since 1990 and will be recognised officially next year. Being recognised or not doesn't take away its validity as a model. But to make that distinction, you need to know your shit. Psychologists, however, do recognise and are aware of it. I've mentioned it to my own and there was no problem.

>It's just a proposed cluster of symptoms to help better conceptualiza trauma and it's precursive nature to certain disorders.

Exactly, and I see nothing wrong with this. I don't see how that's bullshit.

It would be far better for all the anons diagnosed with "anxiety, ADHD; Asperger's, and depression" to consider C-PTSD, because that's the only diagnosis that makes sense with regards to these anons' past. ADHD isn't a condition, depression is also a symptom here, and none of these people are aspies. C-PTSD is the only diagnosis that includes the person's past, and thus, the only one that makes sense and enables the person to connect the dots.

>>36285941
>most people I knew who suffered from depression recovered from brute force and hard methods.

Yeah, or they just tried anything their depression resolved itself. It really depends.

>I really do hope another schizo can speak on meds, google is right there but I prefer a real, unpaid persons take on it

Just wait, many regulars here are medicated for just such things. Newcomers might help too.

>>36285994
At some point, all the diseases we know to be true were considered pop psychology. I'm not saying it's real or not real, just that it shouldn't be dismissed so easily until there is a definite conclusion that it's fake (like multiple personality)
>>36286004
>ADHD doesn't exist
>no one here has aspergers
Explain this

>>36285945
>What would that entail? You lost me

You said you wouldn't jump the gun, I said you should, just to see. I have no idea what you mean by jumping the gun, so you lost me, not I you.

Jump it!

>>36285956
>Especially since one of them happened when I was high on methamphetamine and sleep-deprived.

OK, that makes a lot more sense. I'd imagine those visions are your guilty conscience speaking to you, much the same way dreams would.

They might have helped making that guilt rise to consciousness in you, as well.

New questions:

- how come you were capable of murdering and torturing?

- do you see yourself as someone lacking empathy?

- are there traumatic events in your childhood?

- were your parents a bit special?

>people really sit here and listen to this god complex OP talk about how it's all in their head and to just beee themselves

>>36285885
What do you mean by me not being fully aware of everything? What sort of thing might I not be remembering?

>>36284773
Been diagnosed with PDD NOS (form of autism) since I'm 4 and I've always kept it a secret from everyone out of fear that they'll alienate me and see me as a freak. Lately however I've come to terms with it and accepted that this is just who I am.
Should I tell my friends about my autism or do think that it'll only cause damage to our relations?

>>36285976

I'd assumed you had other examples, of course. It shouldn't be too hard to remember a few other things where you think my advice is erroneous.

>I don't have all day.

You're cute, you get a kissy.

>>36285994
>Ya. Exactly. It's not a current diagnosis. Just a proposed area of research. And the icd isn't even sure they will include it. Currently it's just pop psychology.

Not being in the DSM or other doesn't make it pop psychology. The concept has been around for almost 30 years, and because it wasn't officially recognised, it was much less "pop" than many other conditions that are recognised officially.

Regardless, whether it's included or not, the information about C-PTSD makes a lot of sense for people who suffer from related conditions; it's a model that is very relevant. You shouldn't base your opinion solely on what others think, you should consider the evidence and look at the connections.

The accuracy of those models, per se, doesn't matter as much as finding models that make sense to people and finding the corresponding therapy. A model that makes sense of the past and the present is a superior model to one that doesn't. Simply telling people they have depression and here are some pills doesn't do the job.

>>36286053
>how come you were capable of murdering and torturing?
I just was. I got involved with a bad crowd at a young age and ended up doing bad things. I wasn't necessarily "forced" per say. In a way, I pursued this path.
>do you see yourself as someone lacking empathy?
Yeah. It's obvious I do. I used to not really care and as long as I knew I was physically safe from harm, I could sleep like a baby. But lately it's changed. I have no idea if it's just the idea of the future (fear of death, prison, something else beyond understanding whateverlol) or suddenly just pent up guilt coming to the surface.

I've never felt remorse before, honestly. And right now, I don't even know if it is remorse. I don't know if I'm just afraid for my own selfish reasons of wanting to live rather than actually feeling guilty for my actions.
>are there traumatic events in your childhood?
I mean, before I got involved with this, not really, no. I had a pretty good upbringing
>were your parents a bit special?
Typical run of the mill hardworking hispanic parents.

>>36286032
All I meant by jumping the gun was saying I'm in tune with my emotions, I won't make that bold of a claim yet since that's really basic, who wouldn't be jealous in my shoes

>>36286031
>there is a definite conclusion that it's fake (like multiple personality)

For your information, DID is a real thing and it is in the DSM. That goes to show.

>ADHD doesn't exist
>no one here has aspergers
Explain this

Asperger's is completely different from personality disorders, it's a form of autism, and autism is not a mental illness. ADHD clearly isn't a thing. It's like saying that, instead of being allergic to pollen, you have "red eye syndrome", and sometimes your eyes get red, God knows why. Everyone I know with diagnosed ADHD has something else, always. It's usually either literal mental retardation or a personality disorder, BPD, NPD, or other, but it's never "ADHD" purely.

>>36286097
Typically (at least in American culture), people with any sort of autism are only alienated if it is overwhelmingly obvious or sadly, comical. If you have friends and they cannot notice, then I doubt it'll be a problem. It's 2017, the majority of people are too busy with their own lives to judge others over a disease they cannot cure.
If they are real friends, they won't care, you will still be the same friend they knew.

>>36286071
>OP talk about how it's all in their head and to just beee themselves

Boy, you must not have spent a minute reading any of the threads.

>>36286080

Chances are you take way more responsibility for your current state than you should.

I'd imagine you remember things, as you have a lot to remember. I didn't mean you might suffer from traumatic amnesia.

Let me know what you think of the articles.

>>36286097

I'm reading about this, but I'll tell you it seems dodgy right off the bat.

What kind of issues do you have in your daily life because of this condition? Give me very concrete examples.

>>36286110

When you feel bad about your past actions, what comes to your mind?

>>36286122
>who wouldn't be jealous in my shoes

99% of people maybe more? This may not be obvious to you, that's why I point it out.

>>36286201
I imagine mental images of hell. I start to visualize what hell and suffering is like.

>>36286212

So, more about potential risks for you based on what you did. Anything else?

>>36286134
DID exists, MPD does not. It is also interesting to note it is most common in North American females, and was used increasingly more in court cases after it won a defendants innocence. To put it simply, if it is real then it is VERY rare and the majority of millennials who claim it are just jumping on the mental illness bandwagon. It is a controversial diagnosis that many believe is therapist induced.
I'm not sure why you mention aspergers not being a mental illness, that doesn't explain why you believe he doesn't have it?
Comparing ADHD to pollen would be more accurate if say, you are in a field with no pollen and still complain of red eye syndrome in a daily basis

>>36286226
What lol? could you elaborate. I'm an esl fag sorry

>>36286176
I get very anxious when I'm in a group of people, have difficulty looking people straight in their face while in a conversation and I can come over as rude/unsympathetic/whateveryoucallit, made a guy in my classroom cry after joking about something very personal

These are just a few examples.

I have a lot of trouble connecting with people. I can't make conversation. I can't think of enough material to talk about, I'm just blank. And I find it hard to become emotionally engaged, except for really rare circumstances.

This is hard at the moment because I'm dating this chick and so far it's awesome, but I'm dreading spending too much time with her because she'll figure out how lame and boring I am. This is not an irrational fear, it has happened before.

I have no idea what the problem is
>Aspergers
>Social anxiety
>Depression
>Low IQ
>Attention disorder
>Some personality disorder
>Just a shit personality
>???

Any advice?

>>36286247
>can't think of enough material
I know this feel, and so did a lot of my friends. While it may be due to a disorder, it could honestly just be a phase of awkwardness. People draw topics based on what they do during the day, so if your schedule is empty you naturally have less to talk about. A lot of people grow out of this so give it time

>>36286231
>I'm not sure why you mention aspergers not being a mental illness, that doesn't explain why you believe he doesn't have it?

It's the odd one out and is generally diagnosed to carry some symptoms that really don't match. Moreover, Asperger's Syndrome is no longer recognised officially in the forthcoming edition of the DSM, to give you an idea. It will cease to be an official diagnosis, just like ADHD will, in time (I am sure).

Another reason is that Asp's (real cases) isn't developed from having trauma in childhood.

>Comparing ADHD to pollen would be more accurate if say, you are in a field with no pollen and still complain of red eye syndrome in a daily basis

I wasn't comparing ADHD to pollen, I was comparing ADHD to having red eyes. Your examples seems to show you have completely missed my point. In short, having red eyes is a symptom of the allergy, it's not a thing in itself, just like "ADHD" is a symptom of C-PTSD, not a thing in itself, or to be even more precise, the symptoms used to diagnose ADHD are really symptoms of C-PTSD.

>>36286232

You are troubled by your own possible doom and punishment, by other criminals or God.

You aren't concerned about the people you hurt and killed; that was my main point here. Is this correct?

I haven't taken my anti-depressants or schizophrenia meds in 3 weeks. watdo

>>36286208
I mean having the feelings I already have about him, it's not fun watching someone you love love someone else, especially as much as they do, it's not fun at all
Pile on top of that that I wasted my childhood waiting for him, or at least myself to say something to him, while they spent their childhoods together, loving each other, and I missed any shot I could've had at that. The worst part if I could've, people liked me in school, I do that know why but they did and I just ignored everyone and built this moment up in my head and now it's nothing and I've got nothing

>>36286242

Does this happen with your friends as well?

>>36286247

For conversation, focus on asking questions and listen with interest, then ask more. Eventually, you'll have something to say. Remember, a conversation isn't an exam where you have to entertain the other person.

You're probably too stressed to enjoy a conversation as it should be and just speak however you see fit. Maybe your continuous fear is what made the girls from before run away, and not how you were "boring".

>>36286317

Ask yourself why.

>>36286293
Fair enough on the aspergers, but I think we both misunderstood each other on the ADHD. I don't see your reasoning for why it cannot stand as an illness on its own, and HAS to be part of C-PTSD. How would you explain children who suffered no PTSD causes but still had the symptoms of ADHD?

>>36286322

Aren't you involved in your own relationship though?

>>36286373
It started from me forgetting. I also hate taking pills so I just kinda stopped. Feel like painting the walls with my blood. The new Zelda game is fun though, so I have that.

So what are you up to, Nickerdoodle?

>>36286305
Yeah you pretty much nailed it right on the head. Spot on. I mean, it might've been pretty obvious, but still, good on you.

That's exactly how I feel. I even feel weird due to the second part, like I should feel guilty, but feel guilty that I don't, get it?

Tried to explain my point without sounding too le edgy4me.

>tfw your family, friends and s/o have given up on you
>all you have left is the psych threads
>feels good when you see thread start filling up and people replying to you
Is this a good or bad thing? I'm worried how desperate I am for interaction, even if it's on an anon image board

>>36286382
Yea but it's nothing like there's or what could've been if I was never like this or at least said something a long Tim ago, I wasted so much of my life on this and all the time in school when I'm forced to be around people, I could've had friends, I could've been in love, I could've had something

>>36286375
y2 bb :)

>>36286416
Very intelligent response, someday you'll stop trolling and ask for help like you know you want to :)

>>36286305
By police too, forgot to add that. The police will either kill me or I'll go to jail, and I'll die in jail. Military possibly too.

>>36286375
>How would you explain children who suffered no PTSD causes but still had the symptoms of ADHD?

From experience, drawn from my job, all the kids with ADHD diagnoses have something else and are very, very different from each other.

One had literal mental retardation, one had abusive parents who are a bit fucked up, etc, etc. I have never seen a child, or adult, who had "ADHD" out of nowhere for no reason. In my opinion, it's mostly school-based bullshit applied to any student who "is intelligent yet fails at school, we don't know why, he must not be paying attention!" and other comparable reflections.

I'm not saying that ADHD "HAS to be part of C-PTSD", I'm saying it doesn't exist, and the symptoms used for "ADHD" will fit another diagnosis and make more sense.

>>36286405

You should inform your psychiatrist and ask what to do. I assume he'll tell you to resume immediately, but depending on what you take, maybe not.

>So what are you up to, Nickerdoodle?

Thread has picked up so that's all I do right now.

>>36286277
I appreciate the positivity, but I'm actually 30. I don't think counts as a phase anymore haha.

But you're right, I spend most of my days being a depressing shit. If I did more, I would have stuff to talk about. But I've done other stuff too (e.g. travel), I just can never bring it up. I think there's an emotional component, like I just don't care. Maybe depression makes it harder to make conversation in general.

>>36286359
Yeah, I think I need to work on interest. I ask questions, but it starts to feel like an interview. I just don't have strong opinions on anything, so I don't really have any responses or contributions to anything people say.
Maybe I need to find a way to invest more in what's happening, somehow.

It could be fear, but it would be a subconscious fear. It doesn't seem like I'm consciously filtering myself, more like I have nothing to filter. Like I'm just grasping at straws.

>>36285104
Sadly this is what you get for posting on /r9k/. Maybe post elsewhere if you don't want to attract trolls. Don't take the bait.
I was wondering why out of all places you picked /r9k/ to start this thread.

>>36286432
Well that makes much more sense now, thank you for defending your points so well. What is your opinion on body dysmorphia, specifically with the current trend of transgenders and gender fluid millennials? In my school we are pretty much decided that it's all a social illness in 90% of cases

>>36286323
Not really, some have noticed that I feel uncomfortable in for, example a busy street. But when I'm in my group of friends I'm generally outgoing, except if a large number if strangers start mingling in the group.
I still find it greatly uncomfortable to look them in the face whilst talking as well but for now I've managed.
As for the being an unsympathetic asshole part, yea it's not a secret anymore. I've had my go at some of them as well and immediately apologized to them. Some are still a bit mad about it, others have broken all contact with me for it but most of my friends have laughed it off.

>>36286439
Yeah, I should probably tell him when I see him next. This isn't the first time this has happened. IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME, RIGHT?

You're a pretty cool dood, by the way. I almost never post in these threads. But I like what you do, and I'm unsure of what to do right now. Take some xanax to calm down, or something else. Kinda wanna take the whole bottle though. wew

>>36286413
>Is this a good or bad thing? I'm worried how desperate I am for interaction, even if it's on an anon image board

It's a good thing, but notice this: instead of thinking that you have been deprived by others, you make yourself responsible for what you feel and wonder if you should worry about it or not.

Drop that responsibility. It's not yours. Imagine yourself in the desert, without water. You find a small bottle, do you berate yourself for being really happy about getting water or do you drink peacefully? You drink peacefully, and continue your search for civilisation, where you'll find permanent sources of water.

You need interaction, attention, and care, like everyone (or almost). So be unashamed. You may have been made to feel like it wasn't normal, or that you didn't deserve it, etc, but forget about that. You deserve it.

>>36286414
>a long Tim

And who might that Long Tim be?

More seriously, I think you need to think about your current relationship, and more generally, what you want in a good, ideal relationship.

Make a list of what you want in your ideal man.

Quit my job last week, feel much less concerned by it than I expected to.

>>36286452
>I don't think counts as a phase anymore haha.

He might have meant a phase during courtship.

> I just can never bring it up. I think there's an emotional component, like I just don't care. Maybe depression makes it harder to make conversation in general.

Maybe you're too stressed out and worried about how the person might react that you just don't say anything.

>I ask questions, but it starts to feel like an interview. I just don't have strong opinions on anything, so I don't really have any responses or contributions to anything people say.

That's fine, you can keep asking, people will normally enjoy being listened to. It doesn't have to be questions only; you can say, "Tell me about that," like I do in these threads, and people will tell you. It takes time, and people don't always get attention the way you can give it in such a context.

>It could be fear, but it would be a subconscious fear. It doesn't seem like I'm consciously filtering myself, more like I have nothing to filter. Like I'm just grasping at straws.

Your conversation is fine. If we had a drink together, you'd be all right. I do think it's a fear-based issue. You may feel inadequate, and you feel like you have to please.

Do you EVER meet a woman and think, "I wonder if she'll be good enough for me"?

>>36286641
This is great advice, whenever I run out of topics I just ask questions, tell them to elaborate or recall a topic similar to what they're talking about. I think it's important to note that those conversations probably aren't going as bad as you think, our brains like to beat us down for some reason. I've had people cry to me when they think they spilled spaghetti but to everyone else it was only slightly awkward, then they move on

>>36286537
I like this guy, I really do, and I'm glad I made an effort to talk to him, but I'm mad I robbed myself of the experiences you can only have as a child in some idiotic desire to have a relationship with my dad that would break the law and alienate us from our family and anyone who knew he was my dad, I gave up so much and got nothing in return, I've go no friends, I never had a highschool sweetheart, I never had anything

But if you want me to make a list I guess I will
>Kind
>Smart
>Funny
>Patient
>Assertive
>Tint of immaturity, to the point that it's cute but not annoying
>Responsible
>Not very social or just okay with boringness

>>36286462
>Sadly this is what you get for posting on /r9k/.

I know where I am. It's not that bad.

>Maybe post elsewhere if you don't want to attract trolls.

I wasn't whining, I was responding to this person.

>Don't take the bait.

Trolls come early when I'm alone in the thread, they tend to get real quiet later on. So I shoot the shit with them to pass the time and bump the thread. Morever, some former trolls turn into regulars. People don't try to shit up the thread for no reason, I simply try to get them to speak so maybe we can do something more productive.

>I was wondering why out of all places you picked /r9k/ to start this thread.

For its self-identifying thematic. People here are more likely to be isolated and suffering from it. I might be more helpful here than on other boards.

>>36286699
Trying to avoid misunderstanding, when I meant assertive, I meant if we had kids he could be authoritative over them and me

>>36286467
>Well that makes much more sense now, thank you for defending your points so well.

Very welcome. I don't always explain all my opinions and ideas because of time constraints and the rising popularity of the thread, but if asked, I'll generally have something to say. Don't hesitate. If I don't know, I'll say so.

>What is your opinion on body dysmorphia, specifically with the current trend of transgenders and gender fluid millennials? In my school we are pretty much decided that it's all a social illness in 90% of cases

From experience, most of the tran people who speak with me agree that it's a mental disorder. Considering the stats, I tend to think it is indeed a mental disorder having to do with identity.

There's more money to be made from medication and operations than therapy, so that's one thing to take into consideration. I feel very sad for these people, because I think they're being used both by people who are aware of the scam, but also by people who really think they're doing a good thing.

>social illness

I must say I'm not sure what your definition of this is.

>>36286468

It varies depending on how stressed you are in a situation. For this reason, I'm not yet sold on autism. I may be wrong, but who knows.

Do you have examples of hurtful things you say? Like direct quotes?

>>36286487
>You're a pretty cool dood, by the way. I almost never post in these threads. But I like what you do,

Thank you.

>and I'm unsure of what to do right now. Take some xanax to calm down, or something else. Kinda wanna take the whole bottle though. wew

Can you reach your doctor right now?

If not, and if you're feeling suicidal, go to the ER and state your business.

Are you OK?

>>36286553

Are you financially stable? What's the next step for you?

>>36286749
Social illness as in people claim to have it due to its popularity, and eventually they really believe they have the illness and take the steps for gender reassignment. For example, many teenagers who went through life perfectly happy as their gender suddenly decided to transition due to influence from twitter, tumblr etc.
What I mean by social illness is that I believe a small portion of the people who claim to have it only believe that because society has popularized and even fetishised the illness, so they do it to fit in

I have OCD and agoraphobia. I'm depressed because of that I guess. I can never leave because start crying if I see myself. My problems stem from being too ugly and disgusting that I can't stand people looking at me.

What can I do? Even surgery can't fix me because of my OCD causing me to mutilate myself all day everyday. Should I just end it?

>>36286676
>I think it's important to note that those conversations probably aren't going as bad as you think, our brains like to beat us down for some reason. I've had people cry to me when they think they spilled spaghetti but to everyone else it was only slightly awkward, then they move on

This a million times. Even in these threads, you keep getting very articulate anons telling you they express themselves badly when there was absolutely nothing wrong with their expression.

People do the same out there and shoot themselves down. People won't mind things that are catastrophes to you, keep in mind many, and I mean many, of us like when others fuck up because it relieves our own stress. If someone spills their drink at a restaurant, you help, but that won't be a reason to cast that person out of your life forever, right? So why assume others do that?

Good comment.

>>36284773

I don't think I'm self aware enough to explain my feelings accurately. But anyway I'll give it a shot.

I've don't have a sense of morality. Like I know that some things are considered good and some things bad by cultural norms but I don't feel the same hatred for villains or love for heroes that most people feel. I always cringe when I watch superhero movies and end up rooting for the villain most of the time. I sympathize with school shooters, rapists, terrorists, war criminals more than I do with the victims. The fact that they were weak is disgusting and they kind of deserve their fates.

Another thing is, I loathe belief systems. I'm kind of not athiest or religious or even agnostic but I can control my beliefs at will. Like, I can turn myself into a radically anti-religious athiest for one second and very quickly delude myself into a super pious puritan Christian. I can go back and forth between the extremes of those belief systems under my control in a single day. Same thing with political ideology, national identity, morality, etc...

Also, I have a deep and burning desire to manipulate people. Nothing turns me on more than a successful game of chess where I control real people like I move around my chess pieces. The pleasure is far more intense than sex with a hot girl can ever be.

To tell you the truth, even though it sounds super cheesy, my most relatable person ever is Frank Underwood from the House of Cards although I look much more geniune and caring to other people than he does.

I really don't know why I'm on this thread though. Like I don't even think this is something I should be trying to get rid of. I'm probably happier, content and successful than most people will ever be. But I think I'm just curious what you think about this and how you'll respond.

I have a question though. How common are these feelings and traits?

>>36286699
>to have a relationship with my dad that would break the law and alienate us from our family and anyone who knew he was my dad, I gave up so much and got nothing in return, I've go no friends, I never had a highschool sweetheart, I never had anything

I understand, but you must realise that not having friends doesn't come from that: you could have had a relationship with your father AND friends, just like regular couples have friends and have relationships. It's not mutually exclusive.

Maybe you blame this attraction for more than you should, and maybe there's a bigger problem than just this attraction. Perhaps it has become a kind of shield where you focus all your problems into one. Just a thought.

>>36286699

Good list. How many of these do you find in your current partner?

I let my dog lick peanut butter from my asshole while I fapped. Am I too far gone?

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>>36286850
Are you judging me? You think I suck as a human being? 'Cause I don't.

>>36286806
Short-term, yes. I'm going to the doctor and psychiatrist again next week.

>>36286794
I don't have a doctor, if you mean like the hospital kind. As for going to the ER, I haven't a damn clue where the hospital even is. Too spooked to go there anyway. Don't need those people experimenting on me. Then I won't have access to my computer either, I bet.

As for being okay, I have no idea. I'm having all sorts of feelings right now that I don't know how to explain. Mood is swinging like a pendulum.

Living in the middle of nowhere is no fun. I GOTS NO FRIENDS, NICK. I have lived here for 4 years now and have made no friends. How do you even make friends? HOW DO YOU EVEN TALK TO REAL PEOPLE

>>36286807
>Social illness as in people claim to have it due to its popularity, and eventually they really believe they have the illness and take the steps for gender reassignment.

OK, I see.

I do think there's an element of trend in this, clearly, which you could also apply to sexual orientation, but both work on the basis of people actually having some kind of doubt at the bottom. In short, while there is a trend effect, there's also a bit of something with people, whether they're a bit homo or a bit "gender curious". I tend to think there are very few of these people, all in all. I might have seen one at my own university back in the end, out of 8 years and hundreds of students.

>>36286820
>My problems stem from being too ugly and disgusting that I can't stand people looking at me.

That may be what you believe for now, but that's not the reason. Some very ugly people live comfortable lives. I'm sure you don't look as ugly as you imagine. You feel this way, but that's completely different.

>mutilate myself all day everyday. Should I just end it?

Of course not. There are solutions, you can get help. I'll be the first step in that if I can.

Do you mutilate for OCD reasons or because you get a relief from the pain, more specifically?

>>36286874
Holy fuck the edge
Sorry, I just needed to get that out
Assuming you aren't trolling, I can say that this is almost definitely a phase.
You have traits/symptoms of several illnesses but they all contradict each other to the point where it seems like you force this lack of morality and ability to change. If you're so sure that living like this is better than living like us sheeple, try living normal for a while and see how it goes. Manipulating people is irrelevant since everyone does it on some scale. Changing your beliefs so rapidly means nothing other than you lack commitment or interest in beliefs.
As far as sympathizing with murderers/rapists, ask yourself how "strong" they really are. Your strength is in intelligence when you control people in chess, a strength these murderers lack so they resort to petty violence.
Most school shooters and terrorists began as weak cucks and died as weak cucks with guns, don't delude yourself

>>36286960
I never considered the doubt in people, good point
Thank you for answering my questions! I have a discussion group on mental illnesses and feel I can give a new perspective now

>>36286874
>The fact that they were weak is disgusting and they kind of deserve their fates.

I was going to ask, but that answered it. Do you see the world as like a championship and everyone is either a winner or a loser? A hunter or a prey?

>Also, I have a deep and burning desire to manipulate people. Nothing turns me on more than a successful game of chess where I control real people like I move around my chess pieces. The pleasure is far more intense than sex with a hot girl can ever be.

You have now piqued my interest very seriously. Is it control that turns you on?

> I look much more geniune and caring to other people than he does.

I can't wait for the day some character is shown to be caring when he's actually a predator.

>I really don't know why I'm on this thread though.

I'm glad you came. There is a reason and we'll figure it out.

>Like I don't even think this is something I should be trying to get rid of. I'm probably happier, content and successful than most people will ever be.

Or maybe you sense that you're missing out on a lot.

>But I think I'm just curious what you think about this and how you'll respond.

I'm very interested. I'm basically the exact opposite of you, and for this reason, you'll probably find me as fascinating as I find you.

>I have a question though. How common are these feelings and traits?

In the general population, not too common, but not exceedingly rare either.

Let me find you a test if I can.

>>36286874

Here's the test.

http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

I will show you my own results later on and you will be amazed and you won't believe me, but it'll be the truth.

>>36286903
>I let my dog lick peanut butter from my asshole while I fapped. Am I too far gone?

Depends. Do you really like getting your asshole licked or do you really like your dog?

>>36286901
Yea but my logic was "I don't need friends, I got my dad", "I don't need to get a boyfriend, I got my dad", I guess you could say me loving him was my excuse not to be social, or the way I rationalized it with myself
And honestly that list was stuff I like about him/my dad (yes, they're similar, took me a but to think about it but they are) since I really didn't know how to answer that question. Maybe I could just list stuff I he isn't or hasn't shown me yet
>More open emotionally
>More straightforward
>Maybe a bit less focused on the physical stuff, I get why he is but maybe reel it back for now and talk more I don't know I'm no guru
Sorry I'm not good at describing people. I know what I want, moments I want, but can't put it into words

>>36287118
I just like getting my salad tossed.
I like the dog, but only as a friend

>>36286903
How old are you and was it out of desperation or a fetish for dogs? A lot of people have a one off with their pets then never do it again

>>36286914
>Are you judging me? You think I suck as a human being? 'Cause I don't.

What? Absolutely not. That comment wasn't about you at all. I don't understand what part of my comment you took personally, but this is interesting, so please point it out.

I told you I wouldn't judge you and I am not judging you. This comment was about something unrelated to you.

>>36286923

Will you find a new job? Did you resign or get fired?

>>36287141
>only as a friend
Major kek

>>36286929

You're talking to a real person right now, I'm just hiding behind 9 proxies and a screen, but I'm real as fuck, like everyone else here.

The situation seems serious. You can easily find where a hospital is near you and drive there, if you can drive at all.

I still think you should contact the person who takes care of you and prescribes meds. Who is that person? Isn't he a psychiatrist?

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>>36287153
It's not the post. It's the fact that you didn't reply to me at all. I mean, I was just wondering. It seems like you thought I was such a shit person that you just wanted to end the convo with me. I was hoping maybe for some insight, you seemed smart. This is not something I can really talk to with anyone at all, especially not with the way someone listens like the way you do. Like if you were done giving all the insight you had, you could've let me know like "k man that's my input on your situation"

Don't get me wrong dude. It's not like I wanted you to reply to my post or anything!

>>36287199
Yeah, that person is a psychiatrist. My counselor also helps with stuff since she's like the uh.. Head lady there. She's nice.

I also cannot drive. Too scared of it and they say I shouldn't drive anyway. Not a good idea. and yes, you are real, but this is anonymous, thankfully. I can run away and hide whenever, I think. DUNNO. Get anxious even typing this out. But you don't seem out to get me, yet. So I think you might be okay. I dunno. dunno dunno dunno dunno dunno. What kind of music do you listen to?

>>36287033
>I can say that this is almost definitely a phase.

You're wrong. I know this may be news to you (and that's fine), but people like this are real. I've met some before, and that's really how they think and feel. This guy isn't an edge lord, he's just extremely honest, and you won't often get to hear those people speak so openly, so pay attention, because the ones you'll meet out there will definitely not tell you any of this.

>You have traits/symptoms of several illnesses but they all contradict each other to the point where it seems like you force this lack of morality and ability to change.

Untrue. You are very, very wrong on many things.

> Manipulating people is irrelevant since everyone does it on some scale.

You will be surprised to see how far the manipulation goes, Bobby. This anon doesn't manipulate the way common people do. He hasn't given an example yet but I am convinced that if he does, you'll be surprised and call him an edge lord again.

>Changing your beliefs so rapidly means nothing other than you lack commitment or interest in beliefs.

It means a whole lot and is symptomatic. You and I normally have actual opinions on things, we can fake having others, but this anon does something else.

>a strength these murderers lack so they resort to petty violence.

Anon doesn't see it that way. He sees a person who is dead and a person who is still alive. The person still alive is stronger. (I'm playing it by ear but dark anon can confirm what I say if he wants to.)

>>36287249
This is so cute that it hurts, I hope more people come in this thread and connect with nickerdoodle

I don't know how to put this into words. I don't think I'm supposed to be able to...

I am unable to doublespeak. I can understand other people's but I can't do it myself.

>>36287266
If it makes you feel better, I didn't even know doublespeak was a thing until just now

>>36287064

Very welcome!

>>36287123
>Yea but my logic was "I don't need friends, I got my dad", "I don't need to get a boyfriend, I got my dad", I guess you could say me loving him was my excuse not to be social, or the way I rationalized it with myself

That's what I wanted you to consider. You're the best judge of this here. Could there be other reasons why you were socially apart?

>And honestly that list was stuff I like about him/my dad (yes, they're similar, took me a but to think about it but they are) since I really didn't know how to answer that question.

That's what I expected. I wanted you to dissect what you liked in your father, to make it less about your dad and more about the actual elements.

The stuff you listed as what you want him to show, I'll assume it's about your boyfriend.

Do you think he's into you for you or for the physical stuff?

>>36287162
Resigned. The place wasn't doing me any good anyway, so I'd rather leave sooner than later.

I'll try to find a new job, but I'm not sure what. Still toying with the idea of trade school but not certain I can handle it.

>>36287260
I really hope dark anon backs this up, I know exactly what type of person you're describing and in my experience they are almost always frauds. It would certainly be interesting to meet one who is real

>>36287141
>I just like getting my salad tossed.
>I like the dog, but only as a friend

Then you're fine. Mostly.

That post was gold, truly.

>>36287249
>It's not the post. It's the fact that you didn't reply to me at all.

Oh, it happens frequently that I miss posts. I should have put that in my OP, because it happens and people get hurt and then I feel like crap for it. If I missed a post, please link me again. I'm really sorry about that. I skip my own posts (and they're plenty) and sometimes I skip other posts too.

It's nothing personal, I just missed the post. I'm very invested in our conversation, I just struggle to respond to everyone in time, and I'm running 20 minutes late on every post for now.

All my apologies for missing your post, link me back and I will respond to it.

>>36287259

Can you call an ambulance? If needed?

Call your head lady or counselor, anyone, but call! Just so they know. Maybe they can check on you later and tomorrow, but you need to inform someone. Are you home alone?

https://youtu.be/WEhpAg1jLEQ

Here's a song I like. I'm into plenty of different music, but lately, I like wordless music, electronica especially, but it varies.

>>36286410
>>36287375

My bad for acting all butthurt. I was half-joking.

> Could there be other reasons why you were socially apart?
Social ineptness, I meant he was my excuse not to push myself or work on it or try harder
>The stuff you listed as what you want him to show, I'll assume it's about your boyfriend.
Yea
>Do you think he's into you for you or for the physical stuff?
I don't think so, if he just wanted physical stuff and I wasn't giving it to him I think things would've ended by now, that's sort of the point in waiting, I want to be sure he loves me for me and we're committed to each other

>>36287266

What's the reason you can't do it? Is it moral, or is it that you can't tell lies or do things that aren't right in your system of thinking?

Are there other things you can't do? Not just verbally.

>>36287319
>Still toying with the idea of trade school but not certain I can handle it.

Why not?

>>36287324

They are frauds, in a way, but not your way. I think he will back me up. I tend to be right on the money.

File: EEF9jcl.gif (2MB, 425x481px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 425x481px

>told relative I took my medication last night
>didn't actually take it

>>36287476
The most devilish thing you can do is harm yourself and by extension others who care about you
10/10

>>36287467
I've dropped out several times before because I hate being around people, though that was university. Trade school could possibly work since it's shorter than a bachelor degree.

>>36286410

Sorry about that. I know why I forgot to respond, if that helps. I read the first line, was happy I had understood correctly, and decided to take a short break to my kitchen for some food, with that thought in mind. Then I came back and thought I had already read and responded to your post when I hadn't. I apologise.

> like I should feel guilty, but feel guilty that I don't, get it?

I get that. My only question here is whether you think you should feel guilty because you know other people would, or because something in you pushes you to feel guilty. I'd assume the former: you understand that, normally, there should be guilt, but there isn't.

>Tried to explain my point without sounding too le edgy4me.

Don't worry about that, I peer into darkness as a hobby and I've seen things. None of what you say is edgy to me.

>>36287453
If I knew why I couldn't it'd be half the battle. I just go blank

I can't do lots of things such as juggle, basic arithmetic, I don't know my left from right.

>>36287545
Those are the same things my sister cannot do. She has a bachelors and a family of her own now so it can't be too bad

>>36287545
Also I dropped out of school 4 times when I was younger

>>36287416
I'm terrible at calling people. No good at it, I am. Should I tell my family? I dunno what they'll do. Dunno if I can tell them. I can barely even talk to them normally, let alone try to tell them what I am thinking or going through.

I am not home alone. Currently staying with family, but everybody is still asleep. Sleepy little peoples. Lucky they can sleep. I should probably take my sleeping meds and go night night. But I don't feel like it. SO STAYING AWAKE FOR 24+ HOURS IT IS.

Also that song was pretty radical. Totally not what I expected from you, Nick. But it was gud.

Random house noises are scary.

>>36287451
>he was my excuse not to push myself or work on it or try harder

Like most people on this board, you assume being social is about work. Normal people, raised by normal parents, don't have to work on it: it's natural, it's what they learned from their parents. I'm trying to say this doesn't have to be your fault, just like diseases aren't a punishment from God, social ineptitude isn't your fault either.

> that's sort of the point in waiting, I want to be sure he loves me for me and we're committed to each other

Indeed.

I feel like there isn't a flame for him, though. Like he's a stand-in for your father.

>>36287476

You devil you. What do you take it for and what happens when you don't?

>>36287587
>when you're going to the bathroom in the dark and hear a creak behind you
Fuck house noises man

>>36287495
>implying medication is "good for you"
>"Viewed together with data from animal studies, our study suggests that antipsychotics have a subtle but measurable influence on brain tissue loss over time"
t. every other study on it

>>36287614
I KNOW, RIGHT? I just heard the roof make some noise. Sounds like they're trying to get in, you can never be too sure. I bring a flashlight with me to the bathroom when it is night time. Gotta keep the spookums away.

>>36287496

Look at correspondance courses. There might be something. I did, in my country, when I was considering getting a psychology degree, and it's usually for people with a full time job, professional artists, professional sports people, etc. You meet once every 5 weeks and do everything at your own time. The final degree is worth as much as a university degree, and it is one.

There may be things of the sort for you. Consider it.

>>36287545

OK, so not a moral thing, more like inability to hold both the true version and the lie version.

It's like you can't hold all these versions at once.

Is that it?

>>36285831
Strapping in for more, this is good stuff so far. My sympathies that your life has become a creepypasta.

Good afternoon to everyone else too.

>>36287663
Bang on. You're good x

>>36287534
>whether you think you should feel guilty because you know other people would, or because something in you pushes you to feel guilty
See, that's where I don't know. When I read that, I had to read it twice just to fully comprehend it. I had to think about it.

See, I'm not too smart. It made my mind rattle. I had to really think that question through and I still don't know the answer. It's probably the latter as you said, but it's all pretty confusing and muddled. I've never felt things like this and thought thoughts like that.

I'm not intelligent at all. I'm really good at planning things, memorization, and predicting outcomes and shit, but I'm really stupid when it comes to abstract thought about emotions and philosophy and stuff.

Like deep "connoisseur" thoughts and shit. Best way I could put it lol. I'm really bad at that. I'm just good at down to earth shit.

Everything has always just been really simple thought-process wise. Like I knew what was going on with my life but just surviving and protecting myself just came as instinct. Like the first thing to do on the list. And there was nothing else on the list. Like just blank.

Now all of a sudden I feel weird. It's like a kid going through puberty, but instead of physically, i feel like it might be emotionally. LIke maybe I'm stunted or autistic. Idk man

>>36287587

Get a name, I need to remember you.

You should inform your family, yes, before things get worse. What's the worst that happened in the past?

>Also that song was pretty radical. Totally not what I expected from you, Nick. But it was gud.

It's totally not a song I would use to define myself, either, but it makes me feel like dressing up like an animu little girl with blue hair and dance like an absolute tard. (Don't read too much into it.)

Random house noises, when you're alone, are terrifying.

>>36287588
>Social ineptitude isn't your fault either.
It's nice to try and take some solace in that, but it changes nothing. If a pitbull loses its shit and kills someone, you can blame the owner all you want the dogs getting put down
>I feel like there isn't a flame for him, though. Like he's a stand-in for your father.
I won't say there's a fire, where's it suppose to come from? My parents comes from growing up together, I never had that with anyone. I'll say there's sparks, I like him, but I'm just slow to say anything more or use strong words

>>36287650
>correspondance

Pardon my French, "correspondence".

>>36286231
>It is a controversial diagnosis that many believe is therapist induced.
Honestly, this isn't a possibility that I would dismiss out of hand. The earliest related memory that I can recall was in therapy as a young child.

>>36287670

Hello you, there's plenty to your interest today. Especially the anon who doesn't believe in the dark triad anon, you may want to share with him, too.

How are you?

>>36287680

I literally have a list of "successes" I get on this thread; every time I get a reaction like yours, I write a little bar on my list.

I don't. Can you make jokes like this?

>>36287752
Okay, I'll get a name. But that makes me able to be identified. Spooky stuff right there.

I guess I'll tell my brother when he wakes up. Doubt he'll do anything though.

Also by worst that happened in the past, do you mean when I told them things? or just like the worst thing that has happened to me? Because if it's when I tell them things, it's just threaten to institutionalize me or whatever. Brother threatened to beat me up when he found fresh scars though.

I also can't stop shaking for some reason. Send help pls.

>>36287813
Do what you want pal.

>>36287832
>threatening to hurt someone who is hurting themselves
Sound logic right there

>>36287690
>See, that's where I don't know. When I read that, I had to read it twice just to fully comprehend it. I had to think about it.

That's because you're not playing with the same cards as most people, don't worry.

>See, I'm not too smart. It made my mind rattle. I had to really think that question through and I still don't know the answer. It's probably the latter as you said, but it's all pretty confusing and muddled. I've never felt things like this and thought thoughts like that.

You aren't stupid, Per, don't worry about intelligence, it's not about intelligence. You definitely aren't stupid. It is likely that you really, simply, don't have empathy, or a very diminished form of it, and that's why you can't feel guilty much, just guilty of not feeling guilty.

>but I'm really stupid when it comes to abstract thought about emotions and philosophy and stuff.

I'm sure you'd do fine with philosophy given the right teacher; however, I do think you may not have the emotional range of most people, think of it as being colour-blind to emotions. You can understand and feel some, but not what everyone else sees and feels.

It might also be that you're going through a sudden change and becoming more conscious of things.

That said, I insist, you are an intelligent person, and this is obvious from your posts and your reflections, you just have an abnormal setting when it comes to empathy and probably other things.

You might also be growing some feels, who knows?

>>36287813
So what do I do about it brain boy? x

>>36287770
>It's nice to try and take some solace in that, but it changes nothing.

It changes your perspective, and that changes everything.

>I won't say there's a fire, where's it suppose to come from?

That will depend on people. Usually it comes from finding yourself in someone else, resulting in an intense connection, but it can be other things, finding yourself cared for and loved, or just being amazed by someone; it's mysterious to some degree.

>My parents comes from growing up together

They wouldn't have grown up together if they had hated each other from the start, so that's not it.

>I never had that with anyone

And you don't need it; this is not an obstacle for love.

> I like him, but I'm just slow to say anything more or use strong words

Sounds like you don't have the feelings to use strong words for, for now, not just that you don't express yourself. Two very different things.

>>36287778
>Honestly, this isn't a possibility that I would dismiss out of hand. The earliest related memory that I can recall was in therapy as a young child.

Interesting. Do go on.

>>36287832

I meant: what's the worst that happened when you stopped taking your meds?

Why does your brother threaten to beat you up for your self-harm?

What time is it for you?

>>36287901
I'm not exactly looking for advice for a solution to my situation in this thread, just to let you know. I don't want to try to pressure you to think about it. I know it's a fucky situation, so I'll handle it myself.

Most likely, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing until something happens to me, but I'm still evaluating options like never before. I'm just looking for maybe an answer to myself. Kind of like you've given to other people. I kind of want to know myself.

It's really hard to put this in words, but I know myself, but not like on a super deep level. I just know who I am. I act and do what I want, and what suits me and my future. If that means following orders then yeah, I do that. I also assert myself to those who weaker than me, though.

I don't really have much of a personality. I've been told this by people and even by girls I've chilled with. I'm not like a stoic silent type. I'm just a "there" type. I laugh at jokes sometimes and I find things interesting, but everything just feels so bland and weird otherwise. Like empty. Not much to say. I've never talked to someone like this before, because it's just odd. Plus everyone around me is so macho and shit it's hard to talk about topics like this.

On another note, one of my interests is watching moe anime. I don't know why. It's addicting. My favorites are Hidamari sketch and Kemono friends. The people I work with call me "nene" which is like baby or little kid in spanish when they found out.

They don't really care, though. They all have weird habits themselves. As a team, we're efficient, and we're all each efficient individually.

>>36287843

It seems you didn't read my spoilered text. There was a question in there, for you.

>>36288012

Are there other verbal things you can't do? Or things you don't understand?

File: JoJos problematic adventure.jpg (38KB, 273x750px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 273x750px

>>36287796
Sure, I could do that. I skimmed over the thread and some of the things he mentioned were familiar. I'm a little bit thrown out. Perhaps it's the touch of the 'tism but I mentioned my plans for today yesterday and because of other people they've been derailed postponed. That makes me very uncomfortable.

>>36288035
Haven't I mentioned this before? So, shortly after things happened I was asked to draw a picture of myself. It was at that point I drew myself with the dark shadow of another figure, whose name you know, floating behind me like a Stand. I can't really remember my feelings or anything else from that scene, except that aspect. It's a fragmented memory to say the least. That's the case for so many of my memories though; fragmentary or suppressed.

>>36288074
Oh, uh.. Last time I deleted nearly everybody from my online stuff and flipped my shit at a few people. Cut myself pretty bad. Burned myself as well.

I think he threatens that because he doesn't know how else to handle it. Plus he knows I probably don't wanna get beat up. I'd rather just hurt myself instead of have someone else hurt me.

I dunno though. People are odd creatures.

It is also 9:31AM right meow. Time for breakfast, if I had the appetite. What time is it for you, buddy? I haven't the slightest clue where you could be from.

>>36286997
>I'm sure you don't look as ugly as you imagine.

I am legitimately quite ugly. Underneath all of the scars I have bad facial features.

I mutilate myself because of OCD, but I suspect I get some form of relief from doing it and that's why I keep doing it. I think it's self soothing. When I am particularly stressed I hurt myself.

>>36288092
Never saw that bit. Sorry.
I don't see why I couldn't. It's not something I'd normally do because it comes across as facetious or me being cruel.

>>36288078
>I don't want to try to pressure you to think about it. I know it's a fucky situation, so I'll handle it myself.

No need to, I think about it and I enjoy doing so.

> I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing until something happens to me, but I'm still evaluating options like never before.

I don't want you to die, you have potential to do better things.

>I kind of want to know myself.

Then stick around. Even if I can't help too much, there is much to learn from you and if I do go on to become an actual therapist, everything you tell me here is gold.

>It's really hard to put this in words, but I know myself, but not like on a super deep level.

You may benefit from doing more introspection, spending more time just thinking about things, finding out what you really think of this or that. Figure out what you want, too, all of this will help getting a clearer sense of your self.

>I don't really have much of a personality. I've been told this by people and even by girls I've chilled with. I'm not like a stoic silent type. I'm just a "there" type.

This is a symptom of a bunch of things, but it makes sense. You can probably "grow" a personality by discovering yourself, or creating yourself, even. But for that, you need to make room for "you".

>I've never talked to someone like this before, because it's just odd. Plus everyone around me is so macho and shit it's hard to talk about topics like this.

This could be why you never got to grow certain elements. It's unusual for you, but that's a good thing, like a muscle you've never trained before.

>On another note, one of my interests is watching moe anime. I don't know why. It's addicting. My favorites are Hidamari sketch and Kemono friends.

I confess I have no idea what "moe" anime is. Feel free to tell me!

cont.

>>36285102
>Wastes time trolling R9K
>Has girlfriend

Really now?

>>36288078

(comment was too long, had to split this bit)

>The people I work with call me "nene" which is like baby or little kid in spanish when they found out.

It sure is an interesting mix: assassin likes moe anime.

Are you some kind of mercenary, assassin, dealer?

>>36288241
If you liked Hidamari, you owe it to yourself to see Azumanga Daioh. Pinnacle of the genre imo

>>36288130
>Haven't I mentioned this before?

You did, I wasn't sure it was the first time this appeared.

When anon said DID might be therapy-induced, I think he quoted a source that really meant therapy made it up, instead of literally causing it as a real thing, but that's an interesting new angle.

I tend to think therapy isn't "brutal enough" to cause such a thing, though. What do you think?

>>36288301
All I could say conclusively about that is that therapy hasn't historically helped much and as I've mentioned before, in my current group we're constantly pulled up for ever using 'I' rather than specifying a 'part of self' as he refers to it.

>>36288255
>Are you some kind of mercenary, assassin, dealer?
The police and the media call us "sicario" but I've never actually heard that on the inside. We're just like an enforcer branch of a larger organization. I'm the youngest in my team. Also, we're one of many, I'm not gonna name a certain organization, but /r9k/ isn't stupid and I'm sure some of you can catch on.

The term we use on the inside is soldado which means soldier.

So I guess I'm a soldier. The literally call it the "other military"

>>36288145
>Oh, uh.. Last time I deleted nearly everybody from my online stuff and flipped my shit at a few people. Cut myself pretty bad. Burned myself as well.

Do you have any visions or hear voices or sounds?

>People are odd creatures.

Tell me about it. Kek be praised.

>It is also 9:31AM right meow. Time for breakfast, if I had the appetite. What time is it for you, buddy? I haven't the slightest clue where you could be from.

I'm Swiss, in Switzerland. That may sound more cliche than I realised, but that's it. It's 17:41 here, or 5:41 p.m.

>>36288155
>I am legitimately quite ugly. Underneath all of the scars I have bad facial features.

It's too soon for that, but I still remain skeptical; even so, that wouldn't be the real issue.

>I mutilate myself because of OCD, but I suspect I get some form of relief from doing it and that's why I keep doing it. I think it's self soothing. When I am particularly stressed I hurt myself.

OCD based on self-harm, that's new to me, and I tend to think that it's something else. OCD does get you to do things for relief, but relief from pain is a very specific kind of relief, and not just a ritual. I guess you get your relief from the pain itself, not doing a particular act.

Do you ever rage? Do you break things?

What kind of events trigger your need to self-harm?

>>36288172

Are you a good liar?

>>36288337
Since you know anime you'll likely know what I'm talking about when I imagine you as a yakuza-esque footsoldier. The ones who wear tracksuits rather than suits, typically have baseball bats and knives and take orders from people higher up. Am I on the right lines?

>>36288292
>If you liked Hidamari, you owe it to yourself to see Azumanga Daioh.

I don't know either of these. My favourite animus must be Evangelion and GTO.

>>36287108
http://www.celebritytypes.com/dark-triad/test.php

Not that much of a psychopath though. I tend to think most people are irrational and naive so its pointless to hold grudges toward people.

>I will show you my own results later on and you will be amazed and you won't believe me, but it'll be the truth.
I'm guessing a charitable psychologist like you should be like 90% lighter than most people?

>Do you see the world as like a championship and everyone is either a winner or a loser? A hunter or a prey?

Well the world isn't that binary. I do think an invisible but very real pecking order exists with somone like Vladimir Putin at the top, some starving, deformed, raped and mutilitated African baby at the bottom and everyone else in the middle. Most people loathe this hierarchy and would rather want everyone to be equal but the ranking will probably never go away. People closer to the top are happier, more satisfied and hence superior to people near the bottom. People on the extremes are a lot darker than people in the middle.

>Is it control that turns you on?
Yep. Praise and control. Even my porn preferences are around bdsm and slavery. Vanilla sex, where the girl is happier and less submissive, almost never turns me on.

I fantasize about commanding armies and stuff. Imagining myself ordering a bunch of soldiers to execute subversives is the most frequent thing I fantasize about.

>He hasn't given an example yet but I am convinced that if he does
Well, I'm in the middle of a Law degree at the moment so not much useful manipulating I can do. Besides being buddy-buddy with the professors to get better grades I just do most of my manipulating to get laid with women and get closer to important people. Also, I'm eyeing a political career so there's probably plenty of darker manipulating there to look forward to.

>>36288328
>we're constantly pulled up for ever using 'I' rather than specifying a 'part of self' as he refers to it.

What if you want to speak for yourself?

Hey, I had a horrible day at work today. Just as I thought, my coworkers just made more fun of me than ever, and kept pushimg me around. At least I wasn't fired today. On the upside, it turns out I'm eligible for free counselling, so I can finally see somebody like you've been telling me to.

>>36288401
>The ones who wear tracksuits rather than suits, typically have baseball bats and knives and take orders from people higher up
No. We're actually VERY well armed (hello fbi-chan)

It's all pretty professional tho, lot of former military.

Also, I only really watch cute slice of life anime. I don't watch dark or serious stuff except dbz as a kid. Azumanga is great, I love that show.

>>36288395
Not especially. I tend to forget what lie I've told.

>>36288339
Yeah. I hear things and see things. You're SWISS? S W I S S? best country 4 ever. Doubt I'll ever be able to visit there. But would love to if I could.

Any idea on how to make online friends? I feel like I need a few. Barely anyone I have added on things talk to me. Makes me feel uncomfortable. Like they are just there watching me and going "I don't wanna talk to this guy." It's a weird feeling. I had somebody new add me for the first time this year only to never even come online yet and it's been 2 days. Or 3. I don't know. I lose track of days. I'm not very good at keeping track of them. Weirdly my computer doesn't even help me with that no matter how hard I try.

>>36288337

I only know Zetas and the other one led by this small man who escapes from prisons. El Chapo.

Do you think the other members of your team also have diminished empathy and emotions?

>>36288472
Have they really? Well now you at least know for sure that they really are cunts.

And I think the counseling will help you a lot. What kind of counseling is it?

>>36288526
It's just one on one general counselling with somebody at my local practice.

I wouldn't call me coworkers that. I understand why they're doing it after how I acted

>>36288438
>I'm guessing a charitable psychologist like you should be like 90% lighter than most people?

The percentage isn't "lighter than 90% of people", it's an average, so while I am lighter, so to speak, it's not that high, because most people aren't that dark.

> People closer to the top are happier, more satisfied and hence superior to people near the bottom.

Or in fear for their rank, usually.

Make sure to post a screenshot of your results!

>>36288472
>Just as I thought, my coworkers just made more fun of me than ever

Did you actually tell them you were sexually assaulted? Did you use those very words?

>>36288292
azumanga daioh is good

>>36288428
Yeah, those aren't moe. We're talking about slice of life, or as it's sometimes called, CGDCT (cute girls doing cute things). Moe is a word that doesn't translate directly, but means that it inspires a protective feeling. Thus there can be many flavours of moe but it most stereotypically refers to daughter-type characters.

>>36288457
I'm not sure; I think he might say that there isn't a self per se - though you could speak for the current self, but that one is by definition new and lacks the wisdom of the older parts.

>>36288488
Good taste. Also fair dos. I also imagine that to some extent that's to do with international differences. There aren't many guns over there after all. Haven't seen all that much CGDCT myself. Fewer than ten at a guess. What's the big draw for you?

>>36288472
>On the upside, it turns out I'm eligible for free counselling, so I can finally see somebody like you've been telling me to.

Good news! If those guys really reacted that way, then you're better off never working with them again. So, all in all, it's a good thing.

>new job
>new place to live with, soon
>therapy

Rejoice!

>>36288523
>Do you think the other members of your team also have diminished empathy and emotions?
Yeah. Some of them are really sick lol. Like they like to play games with the mark and shit. Sometimes it's necessary because we're told to prolong it for a certain reason, but sometimes they just fuck with the captives for fun, like some of them enjoy it and shit.

I don't really enjoy it, I just do it. It's annoying to me, actually if we gotta do some weird shit to them. Especially using shit like oil drums cause that smells really bad.

>>36288569
>I understand why they're doing it after how I acted
Really? What is there to understand? I'm really not catching on here.

>>36288605
Nobody knows just how good moe can be

>>36288339
>I'm Swiss
I don't know why, but I never pictured you as European.

>>36288601
No I didn't say anything to them, they were doing it more because of me crying in front of them, they think I'm pathetic

>>36288488

My loved one showed me some animu that I don't know the name of, but found myself cutified by it (not a word but fuck it, it's a word now).

It stars this giant man and this effeminate guy that all the girls want. Some other girl has a crush on the giant, but the giant thinks she wants the effeminate dude, since every girl does. He can't believe she'd want him, and assumes she's after him as a way to get to the sexy effeminate one (he may not even be effeminate, actually, I don't remember).

Does that ring any bell?

>>36288607
What do you mean big draw?

>>36288489
>I tend to forget what lie I've told.

You couldn't be a consistent liar indeed, people would realise you lied.

Have you ever tried playing drums or any instrument?

>>36288624
I was overreacting to something that didn't even matter, and it was affecting them as well as me, so it's fair that they're angry

>>36288021
Fine, I really like him but every step towards him is a step farther from my dad and I hate that I'm liking him more and more, my feelings for my dad haven't changed and I don't think they will

>>36288667
Oremonogatari, or 'My (masculine) Story'.

>>36288679
What appeals to you about it?

>>36288495
>Yeah. I hear things and see things. You're SWISS? S W I S S? best country 4 ever. Doubt I'll ever be able to visit there. But would love to if I could.

SWISS
W
I
S
S

Sexy
Wise
Intelligent
Superior
Savvy

Yep, that's me all right.

>Any idea on how to make online friends?

/soc/ maybe? Would you want to meet them offline? Otherwise just stick around this thread with your name on and you'll make some friends here. Guaranteed.

>>36288681
>>36288681

I tried playing the piano, I was terrible and quit after grade 2.

>>36288701
Idk really.

It's just kind of like a trance-like surreal world that it exists in, the moe world. It's all far away and whatnot. It's just addicting to watch what gores on, the daily life. It's really calming just watching them chill and talk about food sometimes. That's why lucky star appealed to me at first. I thought it was stupid "nene" shit but when I actually watched the first episode, it was strangely therapeutic

>>36288569
>I understand why they're doing it after how I acted

I don't. Someone has signs of PTSD, they don't see it, make fun of you, when you explain, they make more fun of you.

Are they retarded?

>>36288605

Nobody has just arrived.

Hello, Nobo.

>>36288743
I didn't explain to them, only my manager, and because of me their work was being affected too

>>36288684
Did it really not matter? I'd imagine if it made you break it must have been serious.

>>36288724
/soc/ seems like the board that should just be renamed to "let's fuck" or something. I doubt I'd ever be comfortable enough around someone to have sex with them. Spooky stuff right there, my man.

I also like that definition for Swiss. You're a lucky doggy. Do you think I should stay awake or take some of my sleeping meds and go night night? Because I dunno which to do. I've had Zelda paused for like the past hour unsure of what to do. I wonder how many hours I've put in it. Fun game, fun game.

>>36288769
It was serious to me at the time, but looking back now, me, and everybody else, would just realise I was overreacting

>>36288607
>I think he might say that there isn't a self per se

To be sure I understand:

>DID group therapy
>you're not allowed to say "I"

That's like:

>Narc group therapy
>not allowed to introspect and question yourself
>encouraged to shit on others not to see your own faults

Amirite?

>Or in fear for their rank, usually.

That's plenty of fun though. Being a dictator trying to crush rebellions. At some point, nobody will question your authority.

Vladimir Putin can holiday in Easter Islands for a month and millions will still defend his rank in the Kremlin for him, with their lives.

>>36288735
I think that's the appeal for most. The lives of most may not be as heavy as yours, but doubtless the idea of just drifting into such a carefree world is a panacaea for the stressed out mind. Whether it's a nagging wife, being a hikki or just forgetting the world, it's escapism at its finest. Most anime is, actually. You might get a similar feeling from something like One Piece, for example. It's all bright colours, the theme is 'freedom' and it's all just exploring the world with your friends and no one to tell you what to do.

It's pretty damning how important it is for people to need to escape these days, but there it is.

>>36288797
The group isn't specifically DID. I'm not really sure what it is, except that it involves psychodynamics, everyone has been through some type of trauma, rough childhood and there's been a degree of psychosis at some level.

>>36288621

I've actually read a whole book about Juarez and the "femicide" over there, thinking it was a serial killer, but coming to the conclusion, because of the book, that it was teams like yours who did this sort of stuff.

Some of your team members are obvious sadists, and they do enjoy it. Scary stuff.

>>36288628
>I don't know why, but I never pictured you as European.

I'm curious as to why. According to an old homo friend I have lost years ago, I sound like a Californian person too. Not sure about that.

Homo friend was Californian, though. I miss him. No homo.

>>36288788
You know what they say about the straw that broke the camels back? If they treated you like assholes for a long time, even minor things can set you off.

Of course they will try to claim that you overreacted. And in time, you will start believing it yourself, even though you can't look at it as an isolated incident, but rather a long chain of little things that add up.

>>36288642

Ethan! I told you to tell them! Honestly, I would be amazed if they didn't suddenly apologise and felt deep shame for their actions. They're just fucking around, most likely, and don't realise what they're tapping into. They deserve to feel bad for it, so just inform them. You risk nothing by doing this.

Goddam, if I could, I'd go pop some caps in their asses. This makes me angry.

>adults
>behaving like this

I'm amazed.

>>36288836
Yeah. Nobody else I know irl knows the appeal of it. Most of the people I hang out with are strong and have "macho" attitudes. And the girls I occasionally hang out with are either evil women or sluts. Nobody just appreciates watching cute animated girls do day to day activities.

I've been called a "joto" or faggot before because of watching it, but I'm strong and I can easily prove that fact. With or without a weapon, and that's why I'm alive now. Nobody cares that I watch cute shit now. I'm far from weak.

Hopefully I didn't sound too much like an angry kid there lol

>>36288684
>I was overreacting to something that didn't even matter, and it was affecting them as well as me, so it's fair that they're angry

They don't know why you're behaving this way. They need to know. Tell them. If this happens again in another context, you take people aside and explain. OK?

I've seen this in my life: at a mandatory course for my driving license. Some girl lost her spaghetti when she had to kiss the manikin. The teacher got upset at her for losing her shit so bad.

Turned out this girl had lost her boyfriend to a bike accident, she had tried to reanimate him, but he died. The bike had been sabotaged and she'd kept his heart in a jar. (Yes, I attract strange people, even when I'm not trying.)

She told the teacher, though, and everything was OK again. But you must explain, Ethan, you must, or people won't realise and they'll think wrong things about you.

>>36288906
But they're right. I definitely overreacted, and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of it now. I just wish they be a bit kinder about it, but I understand where they're coming from.

>>36288909
When would be a good time to tell them though, I feel like it would just disrupt the work if I suddenly went and said it

>>36288700

Almost as if your father would be jealous, do you think that's a concern of yours?

File: commie-ore-monogatari-01-0c0ee0ab-mkv_snapshot_19-07_2015-04-11_03-08-25-672x300.jpg (15KB, 672x300px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 672x300px

>>36288701
>Oremonogatari, or 'My (masculine) Story'.

Yesssssssssssssssssssss!

This is one of the last things my loved one and I watched together. Guaranteed breakdown if I watch it again.

>>36288841
Yeah, but the kind of job attracts people like that, doesn't it? They're strong and really good at it.

I'm not exactly like that. I'm not trying to say I'm better than them, but I don't get cheap thrills through torture and rape. I'll assist in it though, all for my "brothers" though.

>>36288728

I'll assume you're not very agile at sports either, right?

>>36284773
I don't know if I can get any help here, but worth the try...

I've been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety and used to be on meds. I've gone about a little over 3 years without meds because I moved and I can't afford them where I live so I pretty much just continue with my life and somehow cope.

I have trouble maintaining relationships because I "notice" small things and overthink a lot and tend to feel like I'm not really cared for as much (which may or may not be true). I feel like I constantly need security from the person I want it from most, but also feel like I'm asking for too much. I don't want to fuck things up with the person I'm currently with with one of my "episodes". I can't but want more from this person, but also I don't want to be that person that's being annoying and problematic to them.

What should I do?

>>36288996
As I said before. Don't look at it as one incident. You say they have been tormenting you for a long time. They just pushed you over the edge. Gradually. I think you're failing to see this, you're being hard on yourself.

Also what Nick says is the truth, you should tell them about the shit that happened to you.

>>36289048
Not team sports. I did judo competitively throughout my childhood and teens.

>>36288735
>It's just addicting to watch what gores on, the daily life.

>gores on

Scary typo!

Very interesting comments about animu, though. It's like it gives you a sense of normalcy.

It seems to train your feelings and consciousness, so continue!

>>36288992
It sounds like what happened to her affected her much more than me. She had a decent reason, but even if I really didn't want to leave in the dark that badly, I could've just stayed calm and asked for a phone afterwards instead of disrupting everything

>>36289003
Why would he be jealous of something he doesn't want?
I'm gonna go for a bit, get a haircut then bf's, is there something you want me to think about whole I'm there or something?

>>36288977
Hey, at least you're not into MLP. I definitely get it. There again, it's not a surprise many do not. I'll make this comparison:

I've been in the BDSM community for many years. Do you know who you see in the spanking cages with their balls in a vice more than anyone else? It's not the weak-willed bottom feeders. It's the CEO types who have to be all go all the time, and they need a break. Just for a few hours a week, to have someone else take the reins and call them a little faggot while stroking their hair lets them relax enough to get back to their real life where their every decision carries enormous weight. That's the position you're in. Where lives are on the line, it's nice to watch qt grills eat strawberry cheesecake when you have time.

>>36288767

You should have, I think.

>/soc/ seems like the board that should just be renamed to "let's fuck" or something. I doubt I'd ever be comfortable enough around someone to have sex with them.

You will. You're not the only one who isn't comfortable with intimacy, and girls are more likely not to be because they know boys don't always care for them.

>Spooky stuff right there, my man.

You only need the right woman.

>I also like that definition for Swiss. You're a lucky doggy. Do you think I should stay awake or take some of my sleeping meds and go night night? Because I dunno which to do. I've had Zelda paused for like the past hour unsure of what to do. I wonder how many hours I've put in it. Fun game, fun game.

Can you sleep at all?

>>36289048
Are you going to say I'm an autist or something?

>>36289064
I think you're a bit confused, it wasn't them that caused it, it was because I needed to walk home in the dark and I left my phone and knife at home. Do they had nothing to do with it, which is why I understand them.

>>36288788
>me, and everybody else, would just realise I was overreacting

You have PTSD, "overreacting" doesn't even apply. You should give details about the event, though, so we can give you our perspective on it.

>>36288832

Are you planning on using your future job to manipulate people?

What's your end goal?

>>36289077
Now I'm wondering whether we've met. Did you fight in the North? Did you carry it on, or is it not something you've kept up? I haven't been in for about two years now. But still, it's cool to see another judoka on here.

>>36288836
>The group isn't specifically DID. I'm not really sure what it is, except that it involves psychodynamics, everyone has been through some type of trauma, rough childhood and there's been a degree of psychosis at some level.

Prep me up for my own group therapy. What should I expected? Name tags? "Hello my name is Nick and I'm very messed up sometimes, but I'm pretty much a saint except for that one major betrayal I still can't recover from,"?

How long are the sessions? How often? What's the setting?

>>36288375

>OCD based on self-harm, that's new to me.

It is like trich.

>Do you ever rage?

No, I am more likely to sulk and cry.

>Do you break things?

No, breaking things makes me very upset.

>What kind of events trigger your need to self-harm?

Having any task to fulfil, going outside, seeing myself in the mirror.

>>36288906
>You know what they say about the straw that broke the camels back? If they treated you like assholes for a long time, even minor things can set you off.

I don't normally like to speak for others, but I know Ethan won't easily say it himself. I'll be abstract about it so he can give details if he wants. Ethan has been through some very, very traumatic stuff that gave him PTSD, for real, not in a meme way, that's why his reactions are unusual.

>>36289080
I used to think I was normal when I was a teenager. Normal like every other kid. I could talk well, was confident. The only thing I thought that separated me from others was that I wasn't weak like most people are.

There was a point in my life where I believed stuff like conscience and "how could you do that?!" are just people who are too weak to take matters into their own hands and stop being victims.

I was just a normal, but much "stronger" kid. That was what I thought for the longest time lol. Not even memeing.

Now as I'm getting a bit older and thinking about the future, I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me. Like maybe some actual diagnosis. It'd be a piece of mind to know

>>36289119
Still, given your problems, you can't really look at the incident in a normal way. It's useless to beat yourself up over it, because it was your condition that caused it.

>>36288977
>Yeah. Nobody else I know irl knows the appeal of it. Most of the people I hang out with are strong and have "macho" attitudes. And the girls I occasionally hang out with are either evil women or sluts. Nobody just appreciates watching cute animated girls do day to day activities.

Man, YOU should be an anime. Imagine that: sicario the anime-loving mercenary, Sikawai, a tale of Mexico and Moe, Moexico...

>I've been called a "joto" or faggot before because of watching it, but I'm strong and I can easily prove that fact.

I know some strong faggots from /fit/.

>With or without a weapon, and that's why I'm alive now. Nobody cares that I watch cute shit now. I'm far from weak.

That's kinda badass.

"Don't fuck with me when I watch my animu girls, or I'll destroy you, with or without weapons."

>>36289207
It started off with a lot of discussing and negotiating ground rules from the floor up. Whether we say hi outside of group, how long each person gets to speak, what is and is not acceptable to do or say, when and for how long sessions will last. In our case it's about two hours. There were no name tags, but then people were few. Your experience may differ in that regard. People did introductions. Each session, the therapist does whatever housekeeping might have come up. Then we're asked who needs to speak and for how long. Thus we divide up the time. People chip in and so on. Of course, priority and negotiation is important too. There are members who are much more reticent than I am. So it's about being respectful but also getting what you need. Only once has it come up where me and someone else both felt their needs were top priority. So I said we'd flip for it. He was happy enough to go with that (and he won, the bastard).

>>36289173
I strongly doubt it. I haven't fought in about 10 years.
My marote seoinage was super powerful

>>36289142
Basically, it was about an hour away from the end of work, and I realised I have to walk alone without anything. I immediately start freaking out and ask my coworkers for a phone, they understandably tell me to go away, since all of us were supposed to be working. I go to my manager and start asking her and she tells me to get back to work and starts shouting at me . At this point I start crying and begging, and she finally agrees to after I'm finished working.

>>36288996
>But they're right. I definitely overreacted, and I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of it now. I just wish they be a bit kinder about it, but I understand where they're coming from.

They don't know why you react this way! It's just weird to them. They may not even understand what PTSD is and how it works, but you need to educate their asses about it.

>When would be a good time to tell them though, I feel like it would just disrupt the work if I suddenly went and said it

When everyone takes their break, ask for a minute, or right before lunch. Any time. You can even pick one guy, the nicest, and take him aside, and explain, and ask him to tell the others so you don't have to do it yourself. Just ideas.

>>36289034

I had assumed it was a sort of vocation, yes.

WARNING: THE NICK IS RUNNING 15 MINUTES LATE ON YOUR POSTS.

Just so you all know.

>>36289319
Never got the hang of it: always seemed to twist my (already rekt) shoulder. I love ura nage myself. But you're right, totally different times anyway.

>>36289034
It's doubtless just my own issues here, but I don't think I could bring myself to rape someone under those circumstances while they were still alive. It must take a toll on you.

>>36288866
Might be your english. It's rare to see non-nordic Europeans with good english, especially among those who speak german.

>>36289052
>I've been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety

I can already tell you these two are merely symptoms of what the real problem is. You haven't wasted your time coming here.

>I have trouble maintaining relationships because I "notice" small things and overthink a lot and tend to feel like I'm not really cared for as much

Symptomatic. More on this later.

>I feel like I constantly need security from the person I want it from most, but also feel like I'm asking for too much.

Same comment.

>What should I do?

You should feel good right now because you've pinpointed the core issues of why your relationships fail.

While I don't think you'll have many symptoms on the list, I still want you to be exposed to it:


https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

I'm very familiar with the problematic you describe, so stick around, I'll be helpful.

>>36289077

OK.

Is your inability to do doublespeak a serious problem in your life?

>>36289408
I've never raped anybody. But I've acted as armed "lookout" while rapes were being committed.

Not trying to sound edgy or anything but stuff like this does go on in the world. Especially in this place lol. Not trying to justify it tho

>>36284773
Most of the time I feel nothing or I feel sad. I rarely feel a bit happy and haven't felt actually happy in months.
Is my life just boring, am I just a sad fuck or it is because no one is that happy except when they're in love?

My name's Jeff btw.
(I know I posted yesterday in #31)