Psychological Issues #31

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This doesn't look quite good.

>>36259810

Woah...

Now, let's hear the issues in your life in your own words.

>>36259827
We talked on email already. I'm Danila, the borderline guy who can't get professional help.

I just wanted to pop in and try this test.

>>36259978

Oh, you should have said so! Of course I know you, dammit.

You have problems all over the place. I suspected a few things but this is even more than I thought.

Are you willing to discuss this here?

Nick why don't you post your results?

Let's hear a bit about your psychological problems, if you don't mind.

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>>36260039
>Nick why don't you post your results?

I did yesterday.

>>36260055

Are you seeing a therapist or self-treating? How is it going - improving or not?

>>36260037
Sure. I've been reading up on DBT (Dialectical behavioral therapy). I'm gonna try to help myself without professional help. Reading about these methods really tells you how to achieve improvement even on your own.

>>36260159

I'm seeing a therapist 2 to 3 hours a week. 3 if I can. I'm most likely going to add group therapy to this.

As to self-improvement, I spent months reading 8 to 10 hours a day about various conditions and problems; this helped a lot in understand things, but it doesn't help beyond a certain point, I fear. It's what I use now to help others, that and the rest.

I don't really feel an improvement in some ways because things seem only to get worse; how I feel can vary a lot from one day to the next. Being on holidays, I'm virtually completely secluded. I only go out for therapy, shopping, and the increasingly rare friendly outing.

>>36260195

I hope this will help, but I really think you should see someone. There's so much on your plate. So damn much. DBT is good for Borderline, but you also have plenty of narc traits (though I'd wager to say not the malignant version); you just think you know better than everyone else. I've experienced that with you, as you know.

>>36260200
Lol. Nick you are so damn autistic... you should fuck off and kill yourself

>>36260226

None of that is particularly autistic... You are not a very good judge of the situation.

Don't strain yourself, your efforts serve no purpose.

>>36260223
To be honest, I think this test is broken or something. If you look at my results, you'd think that I would be institutionalized (I fucking love this word, it sounds so smooth!). And yet I'm not. Actually most people wouldn't even say I have any problems. I just find it hard to believe that I have real problems, when I can hide them from most people I know. If I were to start seeing a psychiatrist right now, most people I know would be VERY surprised.

Also it's nice that you don't consider me to be malignant narcissist. That personality profile is what most people consider to be true evil.

>>36260315

I know extremely functional people who are completely fucked up mentally. None of these things have to be very obvious, though in your case, I know that your surroundings do think you are unusual, and "unusual" is most of what shows outside for a number of these disorders.

Some only show in specific contexts, like intimacy. In this thread, we have someone who has DID, and few people in his entourage would imagine that to be the case.

People didn't imagine I wasn't OK until it started to show. Most people have something, I'd imagine.

I also agree that this very test gives special results, but what you should do is take the disorders individually, and do other tests just for that one disorder, and see if the results match.

Good morning Nick, did you sleep?

>>36260448

Yes, but I wake up early, realise it's the same life, get depressed, and worried, and spend the rest of the morning looking up stuff on my phone. I have to make phone calls today, and I'm not sure if I can.

I've been post-poning this for a week now.

"I'll do it tomorrow, yes, tomorrow."

I've had phone anxiety ever since I used a damn phone.

>>36260403
I guess that is true. I think that what happens quite often is that you're okay, you can hide it and all is nice and dandy, until one day it's not. And by that time, the damage is done already, but it could have been prevented.

Yeah going one by one makes more sense. Actually I was surprised to see histrionic and OCD in the mix. But when I read for example about OCD, I was surprised to see pervasive and unwanted thoughts (in my case I get random thoughts about doing embarassing things that just pop into my head out of nowhere). I never knew this was a symptom of OCD.

I wonder what would the "average" result be if everyone on the planet were to take this test.

>>36260479
I know a surprising number of people with phone anxiety. For me, it's letters.

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>>36259571
Id consinder myself a straight male, but Im only sexually attracted to sex dolls, mannequins, clothed and especially nude character figures, Barbies, female action figures, ect.

Its been that way since I was kid (with barbies, female action figures and mannequins). I dont even find living breathing women attractive. AT ALL. If for some reason I find myself attracted to a woman, I think of their selfish, rotten, vapid, attention seeking, personalities, and lose all attraction.

The funny thing is, Im actually a pretty good look guy, 6'2", good job, my own place in the yuppie, "happening", gentrified side of town, own 2 cars, and losts of friends both male and female, and a handful of close friends who would take bullets for me, and vice versa. I can get attractive women if I wanted, any time of the day. If my friends convince me to go out, women will almost certainly buy me drinks, ask for my number or give me their numbers, ask me to dance, ect. But I dont want them. Theyre trash compared to my queen.
>pic related

Id go as far as to say hate women. But that stems from the shit women have done to my friends/famiy members, the shit some female friends/family members have done, and regularly do, and a failed 10 year relationship of mine that ended with the girl leaving me for someone else. But I was more attracted to inanimate women long before the trials and tribulations of being an adult male became a reality. When I was in this 10 year relationship, I was just with her bc society told me to be. I was fapping to doll fucking videos online the whole time. I fapped onto barbies, and figures too. When Id fuck her, which I can admit, I enjoyed, Id still close my eyes, and imagine she was a lifeless, fuck doll. When she left me, after being together since 16, I wasnt sad. All I could think about was which doll I was about to order as soon as she walks out the door

So I have agalmatophilia, Do I need help or something? I feel like I dont. Im content t b h.

>>36260649
>I wonder what would the "average" result be if everyone on the planet were to take this test.

I'd imagine a bunch of moderate everywhere.

"Low" is when you don't get anything. I tried doing the test without any answer, I got lows for everything.

>low
>moderate
>high
>very high

I think these are the only levels. A single question can get you from low to moderate, I think. Very sensitive test.

>>36260659

Hello, you.

Letter anxiety? How come?

>>36260479
It helps me to write a script before making a phone call, if you know what needs to be said.

>>36260713
I comes down to the dread of what they may contain. I spent a lot of time subsisting on disability benefits, so any brown envelope can spell doom. Moreso when your mother throws you under the bus to save her own skin. It's a precarious way to live, and the assessments are humiliating. There was a lot of noise made about it a few years ago. If you've the stomach for it, try the film 'I, Donald Blake'. You might be shocked. It's also a large part of my novel.

>>36260712
>I think of their selfish, rotten, vapid, attention seeking, personalities, and lose all attraction.

Might be paranoid here, might have a reason for it, might have been betrayed by a female, might have been your mother.

Dolls can't break your heart.

>If my friends convince me to go out, women will almost certainly buy me drinks, ask for my number or give me their numbers, ask me to dance, ect.

Damn, you chick magnet.

>But that stems from the shit women have done to my friends/famiy members, the shit some female friends/family members have done, and regularly do, and a failed 10 year relationship of mine that ended with the girl leaving me for someone else

My comments are written as I read, sometimes. Hence my uninformed first responses.

I'd imagine you have a problem with intimacy, as in, you're sexual, you lust for female shapes, but the idea of it being an actual person, like you, spoils the sex for you.

I'd say, as a general rule, that if you're content, things aren't so bad, but I'm still curious.

My loved one, whom I mention often here, had a huge interest in people like you. As a result, I was made to watch a number of documentaries on dolls and everything. I'm no expert I'm familiar with your deal.

Can you describe your mother?

>>36260745

I used to do this, but found out it made things worse for me, because I start wondering if my script is good, and I end up thinking everything's retarded.

My method, now, is to pick up the phone and call very quickly. Once in the situation, I'm OK, it's the before part that fucks me up.

>>36260771

Makes sense. You're writing a novel? I'm intrigued.

Hello everyone. My boss called me this morning and told me I don't have to come in today if I don't want to, but said if I don't sort myself out, she'll be forced to fire me. I havent written that email yet and I'm honestly considering just not going back. I've been wanting to quit for a while now and between what's just happened and my coworkers bullying me, and not great working conditions, I think it'll be better be better for me if I just try to find another job as soon as possible. I have enough money saved to pay the next rent so if I can find one before then I should be good

>>36260854
Actually I finished it a few years ago. It didn't go down well. Probably the biggest disappointment of my life, if I'm honest.

>>36260876
Ethan, you need to send that email. It will make all the difference.

>>36260876


Your boss sounds like a straight cunt. Bullied by coworkers? Damn, run!

You already wanted to find another job. But if I were you, I'd still go today, and do my best.

Depending on your country, you're better off getting fired than leaving yourself. Not sure how it works where you are.

Your boyfriend will undoubtedly help you for the time you don't have a job. (But go work today, do what you can; meanwhile, find another, quit when it's safe to.)

I'm sorry your boss has no heart.

>>36260944
>It didn't go down well.

The hardest part is finishing it. Did you look for an agent?

>>36260876

My bad, I misread: I thought you HAD sent the e-mail.

Send it!!! She needs to know!!! She can't make a good judgement call without this information!

>>36260972
It's a bit late to be going in now, I was supposed to be there for the breakfast service

>>36260944
Yeah I think I will, but instead of email, I'll tell her over the phone, it feels like it means more if she can hear my voice

>>36260876
It would be better to get fired, because then you have a chance of getting the severance package. But it depends if she can fire you for misconduct. This all depends on your contract.

>>36260479
Dude kill yourself lmao

>>36260448
Please make sure you're eating healthy and go outside once in a while.

>>36260972
Bullied was a bit of an overstatement, they basically know I flinch easily when people touch me and that I hate when people come up behind me, so they purposefully do it and I end up dropping things, making the manager shout at me.

Kek, I made the first phone call on my list and got rejected... I wasn't aware Easter started today, and I don't get why someone would pick up the phone if they're on an off day. Amazing.

>>36261066

If they knew why you flinch, they'd instantly stop doing it.

To them, for now, it's just a fun quirk you have.

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>>36260789
>Can you describe your mother

Haha. Sure.
She left my dad when I was 4 for another man. She was cheating for a few months apparently. My dad noticed her personality changing, she started "working" questionable hours. He knew something was up. One night she was "working" and got a call from county lock up. She was in jail for being in a bar fight. She wasnt at work. She was at abar with her side dude, and his wife busted them, and her and my mom threw down in that bar. The dudes wife made sure my dad knew exactly what was going on. My dad bailed her out that night, and she was gone the very next day. Again, I was 4 when all of this was going on. So I dont remember it. I didnt see my mom again until I was 9. By then she wasnt really my mom, just the woman who gave birth to me. My grandmother was my mom. I guess my dad couldnt take care of me solo, as he was the bread winner, so My grandmother offered to house me, take me to school, feed me, raise me, ect. I loved that woman so much. She was the best person I ever knew. She died on my 13th birthday. Random brain hemorrhage to her. She had high blood pressure.

I know what youre thinking, but I always had a mother (figure) who was there for me, and treated me like a prince. The best kind.

>>36261088
I think you're giving too much credit to these people. He is showing weakness so normies use it to advance their social status.

>>36261092
>I know what youre thinking

You only think you do. Worry not, I won't go Freud on your ass, as I don't think his theories were often correct in essence, though he was, sometimes, almost by accident.

Well, that's a heavy past you have. Very heavy.

Your mother was a cheater and abandoned you (apparently she didn't try very hard to see you for years, that's absolutely outrageous from a mother). Your own woman did the same thing, perhaps minus the cheating part.

Essentially, every import woman in your life either left you, left you for someone else, or died on you. Compared to that, a doll will never leave you and never die. Maybe you find safety in only developing feelings for a doll.

Your grandmother might have treated you right (I believe you), but it remains that your mother did not. And your father didn't do his part either, I'd argue. In more ways than one, you've been made to feel like an orphan of sorts.

>>36261131

I'd appreciate you keep your problems between you and I. I know you think everyone is an evil normie but we've discussed this.

Chances are, both his boss and workmates would have a completely different attitude if they knew.

It takes strength to show weakness, Dan.

>>36261207
I'm honestly worried about what they think of me now after yesterday. They've seen me go into a panicked state before but I never cried in front of them until then. They must think I'm pathetic

>>36261261
>They must think I'm pathetic

Ethan! They don't know what happened to you or why you have such strong reactions. Tell them! You have nothing to lose.

You aren't pathetic, you're a strong survivor, but they don't know that.

>>36261207
I didn't say they are evil.

>Chances are, both his boss and workmates would have a completely different attitude if they knew.

This is what I don't believe. They would likely just start avoiding him or bully him even more. Only way this could go well for him is if the manager stands behind him, which is not likely given what he has said.

>>36261299
I honestly think that if I tell them, it'll just give them something else to make fun of me about

>>36260659
i dislike phones more than going out
>>36260944
oh


hi everyone,

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>>36261327

I made this for you. 10 hours on Paint.

>>36261334

You think they're sufficiently evil to make fun of sexual assault?

Even in that case, you can still explain, calmly, in control, while not caring. If they're that callous, they may still think about it later.

>>36261409

Hello, Nobo.

>>36261434
hmm, that is a better name

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I'm not sure it's reliable, I'm doing better than before

>>36261424
In any case, I'm still going to make a phone call to her soon, I'm going to say something along the lines of:

I'm very sorry for the behaviour I have exhibited recently at work, and how it has affected my results. I should have told you this earlier, but the reason for my abnormal behaviour is that I was assaulted a long time ago, and it has had an effect on me. I will do my best to put my problems aside and work efficiently, to prove to you, and myself, that I am worthy of working at this establishment

Does that sound good?

>>36261464

I like it. I need particular names with few attachments to anything else.

>>36261480

Maybe you aren't reliable, or maybe you improved in a short space of time! Who knows?

>>36261511

Don't say "a long time ago", you make it sound like it shouldn't affect you.

I think you should use my letter as a script. You need to say the words, "I was sexually assaulted", honestly. Short of that, she won't get it.

OK? Those words MUST be there.

>>36261480
If you're doing better now, I wonder how must have your original results looked.

I'm just curious, how do all these symptoms manifest themselves in your life?

I'm asking because I got a result that was kinda similar.

>>36261529
If I say that though won't she just think I'm fishing for pity, I dont want her feeling sorry or responsible for me

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>>36261190
Two things. First My dad was always there. Id mainly only see him on the weekends, because thats when he was off of work, But it was every single weekend. We rent movies, go to the movies, go fishing, chuck-e-cheese, go carting, mini golfing, ect. I remember one day when i was 6, he was broke, and he took me to the park. I found a gold watch and took it to him. He grabbed me and said lets the hell out of here. We went to a pawn shop, he pawned it, and next thing you know, We are at chuck-e-cheese, eating pizza, and I have seemingly unlimited amount of tokens to play. When we left he took me get toys, and rent movies and games. He was awesome. ALways wanting to spend time with me, and see my happy.

Second thing. I dont have "feelings" for any doll I ever owned. Which is 5 dolls at this point. Its purely sexual. I only referred to my doll as a "queen" because shes my cum dumpster. When Im at work, or not home in general, Im fantasizing about what Im going to do to my rubber fuck slave, and when I am home, Im inside of her most of my free time. If i wasnt at work right now, Id be typing this up, with my dick in her mouth.

Youre right though. No important woman has ever stayed in my life desu. I actually stay in contact with my birth mother. She had 2 daughters with some other dude. They have their family. I can tell she regrets abandoning me. I dont really blame her for what she did. She got pregnant by her first boyfriend (my dad) at 16. She never had the chance to let her Ho out. BItches CANNOT settle down, until they let their ho out. My mom never had that chance. she was married at 17. So obviously by the time she was 21, the ho in her was forcing its way out.

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Just thought I'd post mine too. As I expected

>>36261606
>If I say that though won't she just think I'm fishing for pity, I dont want her feeling sorry or responsible for me

Ethan, you aren't fishing for pity: you're experience PTSD due to a very traumatic experience. What you do is you explain to her some facts. These are facts. Whether she pities you or what is her problem.

>>36261647

You make very general rules for women, but they don't apply to all women, by far. The reason why your mother was pregnant at 16 is probably the same reason why she was dating another man than her husband, in a bar, for all to see: she doesn't plan her shit very carefully.

Your dad being this awesome might have made you think women, by comparison, were the opposite, except your grandmother, whom I assume to be your paternal grandmother.

Have you ever felt in love with a woman?

>>36261658

This is easily explained by your traumatic event, though, and more likely to be healed. I'd imagine.

It's pretty good on the whole, though, Ethan.

>>36261693
Ok, I'll take your advice and call her in a minute, the report back

>>36261790

OK. On stand-by.

<table><tr><th>Disorder</th><th>Result</th></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/paranoid.html">ParanoidPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#c03;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizoid.html">SchizoidPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#c03;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">SchizotypalPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">AntisocialPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#909;">Moderate</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">BorderlinePersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">HistrionicPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#c03;">High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">NarcissisticPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">AvoidantPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">DependentPersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td><a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html">Obsessive-CompulsivePersonality</a></td><td><span style="color:#f00;">Very High</span></td></tr><tr><td colspan="2"><a href="//www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv">Take the Personality Disorder Test</a> --<br>-- <a href="//www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html">$linkText2</a> --</td></tr></table>

I'm back for now. Thread seems uncluttered enough for me to be comfortable.

>>36261529
>>>36261480 (You)
>Maybe you aren't reliable, or maybe you improved in a short space of time! Who knows?

I meant i should've scored way better, I only consider myself anti social, avoidant and obsessive.

>>36261579
>>>36261480 (You)
>If you're doing better now, I wonder how must have your original results looked.
>I'm just curious, how do all these symptoms manifest themselves in your life?
Welp it started from the mild depression, at the begining of h.school my mental health got worse, and during the second class i just broke down (won't go into details, they're meaningless anyway). After finishing school I spent 3 years locked in my room, starving myself, doing drugs while going out at night (in a small circle of so called friends), paranoid about every sound of the car outside-waking up at every one passing by(i live by the street with a lot of traffic), self stimulating schizophrenia, deprivating myself of sleep, reading books almost all the time while forgetting them moment after i don't know what else my memories are fucking blank just as i wanted them to be.

Now I'm a college dropout again(first time due to anxiety i stopped after 4 days), going to some after-high-school type of school, i even have some kind of relationship with a girl from there, unfortunately she started it and now i feel attached to her even if we are just good classmates. I also kinda hate her for ruining my lone routine.
On the days off I'm half back to my worst, usually binging on sugar and beating myself up; I've lost all my interests.
Also after those few years i feel dumber than ever and i fail at learning really bad. I want to change a lot but in reality everything turns to shit thanks to me doing nothing.
Other ppl usually consider me a bit weird, intelligent, calm and silent guy. Thanks to that I'm left alone most of the time.
I don't know what else could i say.

>>36261893

Welcome back. The stage is yours!

>>36261956
Unfortunately, I have prepared no performance.

>>36261900

Given your results and description, I think it would be urgent to see a professional.

Do you feel lonely without people?

>>36261976

Your mere presence is performance enough. Do you like fractals?

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Yo Nick it's some guy from a couple threads back that you said likely had BPD and I said that saying I didn't really know who I was sounded faggoty and teenage girly.
You likely don't remember me but fuck it, just thought I'd let you know that things are going really well with this girl I'm with at the moment even if my parents have gone full shit mode

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Started to Take Welbutrin for my depression
and some other thing i cant remember for the anxiety.

Still can't get ADD meds so i can finally not fail out of school.

w-were gonna make it lads....

>>36262008
shit forgot name and all that jazz

>>36262008

I remember the comment about being a teenage girl, yes.

I'm glad things are going well with the girl!

Sorry about your parents, however. Focus on what you want and need and go for it.

>>36262055

I don't believe in ADD and your depression/anxiety is probably just a symptom.

What happened to you?

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>>36261997
I do, but I'm not particularly knowledgeable about the mathematics behind them. There is something awe-inspiring in staring at the unending intricacies of a fractal zoom (is it awe or disgust? I'm not entirely sure. I've mentioned my unease with infinity before). I especially like the three dimensional Mandelbulbs.

>>36262078
Oh shit I got remembered, so sweet

Thanks my dude, finding it so hard not to gloat everywhere over my first real relationship, she likes the way my personality can change quickly

Thing is I don't know what I want or need. I'm pursuing useless subjects and qualifications for jobs I'm not sure I want let alone get.

>>36262126

Fractals can have partial dimensions, like 2.7. I like your fractal.

am i clutter?

>>36262163
You're not clutter. Please wake up, I miss you.

Nick. Are you a NEET?

>>36262154

That's very BPD, not knowing what to do. I'd suggest trying things and seeing where your interest remains. If you can.

>>36261986
I still live with my parents and they always made appointments for me so im too scared to do it myself. I don't think it would help me anyway, and if it did - living normal would be much more scary than being ill. Also i have a lot of mentally ill ppl in my family's and its history so i don't want to be looked at like them.
I usually do feel but I'm mostly content of it. Meeting new people(i only do it if it's appropriate- like classmates and limit it to exchanging names) or going out make me carve for more but it messes up with me and the feeling of regret wears me down then.

>>36262198

No. I've studied for 8 years at university level, getting some masters, then I've been unemployed for about a year, in which I worked for a month, but as "unemployed", and then I found a job and I've worked there for the past 7 years.

I had a lifestyle that was very close to being a NEET, however.

>>36262210
I try but my interest is passionate but extremely fleeting and usually based around what media I recently consume

After seeing Whiplash I tried to take up piano again and instantly dropped it after 2 days of practice
I try art but I have no concept of form or perspective, it's 100% garbage
I enjoy writing poetry and scripts but it's all angsty garbage and the movie industry is so difficult to get into

>>36262233
>so im too scared to do it myself.

The day you try and do it, you'll feel better.

What kind of mental illness runs in your family?

>>36262160
Thanks for mentioning that. 'm reading about non-integer Hausdorff dimensions right now. I don't comprehend mathematics well, especially with my perpetual doubting and questioning of axioms. The mathematics surrounding infinity troubles me.

>>36261409
Ey up, chuck

>>36261976
Welcome back, meta.

>>36262282

Read scripts from movies you like, that'll count as training, and it's fun.

>>36262369
Thanks, Facet. How are you doing? I feel strange, myself.

>>36262242
Whoa. You studied for 8 years and you are only getting masters. What in? Why not get a doctorate?

>>36262321
>non-integer Hausdorff dimensions

I won't pretend I know what that is.

So I spoke to her and she basically said that she understands, and that I get another chance, but if anything like it happens again, I'm gone, which is fair enough

>>36262412
I'm doing alright thanks. Just got a slightly withering jolt from my banking app. A reminder about something from several years ago. Apparently it remembers a transfer I made several years ago, and it's saved the contact. It's never shown up before. Would have rather not had that come up to sour my mood. But there we are. Something must have been updated with the app because it never has before. It could set off my paranoia if I'm not careful.

>>36262318
From autism and paranoias to major depressions, schizophrenia ending with suicides or spending their lives piting themselves.
Those not affected by them are very successful and actually winning their lives, it was expected of me too (welp, i failed without any pressure), but now I don't think anyone has any hope in me.

>>36262282
this is what i was trying to say the other day but i think came out like gibberish.

>>36262187
i miss you too, i feel a world away. i wanna wake up but i don't know how. which is the real?

>>36262414

English, French, social sciences. I had two major breakdowns in 2004 and 2005, and I was in between two systems, which caused some of my work to be cancelled. More generally, since I had no idea what I wanted to do, and felt unable to do anything "out there", I was not in a hurry to finish. I had no friends, no realistic dreams, no social circle, no hobbies. Life was suffering the whole time and I never learned what normal humans learn by that time. I was resilient enough to continue and tolerate the intolerable, except on those two occasions where I broke down mentally, in a very Borderline way.

>>36262506
I won't pretend I didn't stumble onto it by looking into partial dimensionality. I wish I had the perseverance to actually learn something. I can't maintain interest for long enough to progress at... well, anything.

>>36262512

It's not very fair. Either way, get a job where you're happy.

But also seek therapy, because you both deserve and need it.

>>36262382
Mm just not sure that's even what I wanna do with my life
I have no job, no good qualifications for an academic high paying job
I wanna see the world and have stories to tell like my father and at the same time I wanna have money and friends
I have neither (except gf and friends)

>>36262524
Can you describe your paranoia? When under its spell, is it constant or does it come and go in waves over a period of time? How long will it usually last?

>>36262559

Maybe you take learning in chunks that are too big. Open a wiki page on something, and read a paragraph every now and then, while doing something else.

>>36262586

Sometimes you take a simple job and climb the ladder there, and God knows where you'll go. I know people who started in a call center and ended up managing entire areas for that same company.

>>36262580
Why don't you think that's fair? Due to my problems I'm ruining my work, and she can't keep giving me free passes, if she has to let me go in order to keep the place going I understand completely.

As for therapy, I'm going to start looking into that later today

>>36262611
Even that is not within my ability.

>>36262610
It can vary but generally it comes on like that I assume is a panic attack: heart starts beating faster, I get twitches/ spasms (which is an added complication related to epilepsy) and I begin to catastrophise. Escalating things in my mind that start out sensible but soon become fantastical. For example, I was convinced that people were surveilling my from a van parked a short distance away and if my brother ever opened the curtains I'd get angry with him. This was because of something to do with the council. Letters again.

In this case, it's that the name of an ex came up as a previous bank transfer. So now I'm running off on one about how she'll see my details, and possibly steal from me somehow or else find some means to track me down or goodness knows what. It's always to do with things escalating in my mind.

Still worried about a different van that occasionally parks outside, incidentally. We long since moved, totally different van.

>>36262643

Give me an example of how your problems ruin your work.

>As for therapy, I'm going to start looking into that later today

Excellent. I have no doubt you'll make huge progress in therapy. You're the sort that does what is needed. I was talking about this with my own therapist, and she said that some people come, for 2 weeks or 2 months, and then they give up and they never get any help. People like narcs will typically start therapy for other reasons (usually depression), but as soon as they realise the problem may be them, they flee.

You won't have that problem. I see good things for you in the future.

>>36262752
I experience similar worries when it comes to technology and people's proximity to my home. I haven't opened the door when someone knocks in a very long time...

>>36262814
My gf is the same way. It can be quite annoying but it must be downright inconvenient, assuming you don't have anyone to handle it for you.

>>36262662
What helps some people a lot is some order in learning. If you just decide to pick something up, sometimes you just end up jumping randomly from topic to topic.

What helps me personally is some order in my learning, have you tried using coursera or anything similar? Something that gives you assignments etc and "supervises" you in way? Maybe this won't apply to you, but getting into a habit of learning makes it much easier to actually stick with things.

I'm like you in many ways, I can do something with extreme intensity for a short amount of time but then I just burn out, leave it be and do something else. That's for example why I started using duolingo/memrise for learning languages, it keeps you on a schedule.

>>36262662

What's a topic you'd want to learn about?

>>36262752

Sounds like PTSD. Also, I believe now that I lived in some state of paranoia shortly after understanding what my parents were and discussing it with my brothers. I literally went to my bank to discuss whether anyone else could have access to my account, if anything was weird about it, etc. I even told the bankster that I suspect foul play from my parents, they didn't flinch.

Don't forget my question about your novel, about whether you looked for an agent and such. You said you were disappointed, what happened?

I posted yesterday, but here it goes:

I always feel anxious in public. My palms get sweaty constantly, along with the rest of my body, my face gets warm and red, my heart starts beating much faster, and I feel like I'm the center of attention even when I know I'm not most of the time.
Also, I have prolonged periods of intense anger and intense sadness, with very little happiness (i.e. I experienced happiness for the first time in over a year this week when talking to a girl, lasted a few minutes and when she wouldn't reply I'd feel angry and sad).

And I have strong fantasies of murder and rape, I feel that I've come close before.

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i guess at least i'm not a narcissist

>>36262752
>>36262814
My walks are often punctuated by frantic head-turning when I encounter another pedestrian or witness a familiar looking car drive by. Perhaps these count as mild persecutory delusions.

>>36262862

Have you done the test?

>>36262878

Who do you expect to recognise?

>>36262556
Ya you sound like the type of guy to be providing psychological advice.

>>36262899
I've done it before l, but I hate it because I feel like I'm not good at describing myself

>>36262802
My problems ruin my work because when I start panicking, I'm too stressed to do things correctly. I'm get very twitchy, and start dropping things, or leavings things for too long because I'm distracted. On top of that I have my coworkers picking on me and making things worse, and yesterday, it got bad enough that i basically refused to work. I think the problem is me

>>36262914
Familiar, as in, appearing as one that had previously passed me on the road. I'm not very concerned about individuals I know, though I prefer they not see me.

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Is anyone really normal though?

>>36259571
I've been told that my dreams tell me that I have a proble with general hesitation. what did they mean by this?

>>36262858
What did they say at the bank? It might be useful to me.

As for my book, it represented a lot of work. I still have a hard copy. If I could face it, with redrafts it could be much improved and of a satisfactory quality. However, I haven't really been able to write in about three years. I went from a BA, where I finished at the top, straight into an MA focusing on novel-writing. That was the direction that I intended for my career to take. At the end of the degree I turned it in, satisfied that my work would have paid off. Instead the critique was damning. The biggest thing was, I think the ending needed a total rework.

>>36262927

That's interesting. Just choose the answer that is most like what you think, even if it's not perfect.

>>36262935

It's severe enough, but it's not your fault.

This happened to you years ago, the trauma, has it been this bad since then?

>>36263003
I'll get back to you Dr. Nick

>>36262991

You are, this is the sanest score I've seen so far!

>>36262878
I think I can relate: if I go out and see teenagers
at night I often think
>So this is really how I'm going to die? I'm going to get stabbed or beaten to death here?
Totally over the top, I know.

>>36262993

Tell me your dreams and we'll see.

>>36263030
I've always been slightly paranoid and cautious, but since then, it's definitely been a lot worse

>>36263001
>What did they say at the bank? It might be useful to me.

The woman who helped me didn't bat an eye and just explained that I was safe, nobody could interfere with my account.

>writing studies

This blows my mind every time. We have no such options here. I don't know why.

What was your novel about? Title?

>>36263041
No, that's exactly how I think. I don't even believe it's unreasonable. Humans are horrifying. We're right to be cautious.

>>36263040
Boi I've got Bipolar depression, anxiety, and asperger's. I'm far from normal

>>36263053
>be 20
>be living in the city
>about 4:00 pm going sunset
>free climb up a residential building up to the 50th floor to prove to mom that birds nest in the little gardens in the balconies.
>my back becomes too heavy and I'm too scared to climb back down
>let go freefalling with back towards the ground
>open magic parachute
>see from a distance 3 other people parachute away from a different building
>about to land and see 3 cops patrolling nearby
>moments after landing 1 cop comes and arrests me
>quickly swat the glock away and put my hand on his face and knock him down
>steal nearest car and happens to be a black 4 door Mercedes
>drive.jpg
>during a crossing where one road leads deeper into the city other to a rural area
>went to rural area despite being unknown
>lose cops
>feelsgoodman.jpg

summarized part 2
>Road heads up a hill and becomes a dirt road with farms on the right side

>Can't find a wide enough space until I came upon a big red barn that is a bit run down with a tractor on the side

>Get a u turn and proceed down the hill

>Somehow along the way, I pick a girl up near my age that had a voice of izma

>Couldn't find my way back and feel like I'm going back in circles

>drive off road through tall grass then eventually hit a clearing to a large, gothic-era mansion

>leave car and explore with qt3.14

>explore courtyard and find tunnels

>encounter hollow ones

>Fight them but they keep coming

>eventually get tired and collapse alongside qt

>they don't bother us anymore

>Feel dead inside and want to give up

>close my eyes

wake up

>>36263041

I realised I frequently have thoughts like this too. I had assumed it was normal, but upon informing my therapist, realised it wasn't.

>>36263071

Any idea what made it worse?

>>36263133

I'm always surprised to see Asperger's come up with the rest. It's a completely different thing. That said, the sanest doesn't mean normal.

I believe most people have something. Official stats have something like 40% of the population or so.

>>36263137
I meant that ever since the assault, it's been a lot worse I think

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Things that make you go hmm
methinks I may be a tad fucked

>>36263214
shit always forget the name stuff

>>36263134

Do you happen to play video games with similar elements?

>>36263205

OK, I understand. That was several years ago, have you seen a progression for the worse in those years?

>>36263214
>>36263234

Yep, there's a lot to work on here.

>>36263078
It was entitled 'A Culture of Responsible Adults'. There were a few different perspectives. An alcoholic psychotic living in a squat and dependent on bennies. A germophobic autist who worked for the DWP (people responsible for benefits assessment) and a working class odd jobs guy loosely based on Kaiji. It became supernatural as it went on. Horror, I suppose you'd call it.

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>>36263003
Hi Dr. Nick, i took it

Am I normal?

>>36263296
My friends have said that they think I'm getting worse as time goes on, and I think they're partially right

>>36263314
I for one would read it.

>>36263268
I think it's from arma 3 and dark souls 2 but I haven't played in a long time

>>36263301
>implying I know how to improve myself and am not stuck in a cycle of nothingness

>>36263314

Nice title and interesting characters.

>>36263339
>Am I normal?

If you mean, mentally healthy, no. But few of us are.

What about your parents?

>>36263374
It has a lot of solid ideas and I enjoyed writing it. Diverse perspectives, different appearance on the page - for example, the psychotic it's all over the place and different fonts because of the different voices intruding on him. The OCD guy, every page is identical in terms of lines per paragraphs and paragraphs per page so it's uniform. The normie-ish one is the only one with conventional format.

But yeah, it got silly in parts (because I like some silly things and as I mentioned, Clive Barker was an influence) and the ending really needed a rework. It ended unsatisfactorily in order to establish the premise for one to follow rather than being fully self-contained.

>>36263346

This is evidence that something must be done. Perhaps you are tiring of the condition, and getting more sensitive to it.

Who knows. Glad you're going to see a therapist soon, don't let it get worse.

>>36263398

Is it possible for you to see someone?

>>36263440
Divorced, early on I really hated my dad because he had anger problems and would beat me and my mom, but I forgave him in my early teens.

I love both of my parents very much and forgiven them for anything they have done in the past, but I do feel my mom gives to much money to church

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>Be me
>Art class
>Around many girls
>Talk in a round of girls
>We all start to laugh because of some shit
>Suddenly Amy the girl that asked me if i want to do something with her on saturday sees me smiling and screams :
>UHHHHH EMIN YOU ARE SO CUTE YOUR SMILE IS SO CUTE
>Every girl in the round looks at me and starts to say
>WOW HE IS REALLY CUTE
>They all take their phones out and make pictures.....
>I start to get nervous
>They start to laugh while making photos
>I don't know what to do and run to restroom and cry quitely there.
>I don't want to go to art class anymore.

What do they want from me?
Why do they do such things....

>>36263547

Has your father been diagnosed with anything?

>>36263444
I like that kind of alternating narrative style. Wish I could get back into writing, not that even really done any, but I enjoy the idea of having written. As someone with nothing to say, creating fiction would at least give me the refuge of reliance on interpretation. Such are wild fantasies, though.

>>36263470
You mean therapy wise? No idea how or where to look
Last guy I saw said I just needed to stop stressing and chill out more often

>>36263586
Not to my knowledge but as long as can remember, he tells me he loves me as much as he can.

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Is this bad doc?

>>36263587
Well, they say write what you know, and write about something that matters to you. I was mad about how rough the bennies like is, so I wrote about that. Plus, I wrote about what I like to read i.e. supernatural/ existential horror and cool powers

>>36263586
Not to my knowledge but as long as can remember, he tells me he loves me as much as he can originally

>>36263453
Yeah I hope therapy helps, I've never had any experience with it before.

What annoys me the most about this whole situation with my job is that I wouldn't have stressed so much at work yesterday if I just had my phone with me to call my bf, but I had done what my friends asked and left it home with them. (not saying it's their fault because it's obviously mine) If i just wasn't so forgetful, as well as paranoid, none of this would have happened. What a horrible combination

>>36263583

That's one strange story... Maybe you are really cute.

Your test is pretty good. Check the Dependent thing and let me know if you think it fits.

>>36263595
>Last guy I saw said I just needed to stop stressing and chill out more often

>professionals

If you're American, you can find one using psychologytoday.com.

Otherwise it shouldn't be too hard to find one, but make sure it's someone as part of a team led by a psychiatrist.

>>36263615

You tell me.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder.htm

>>36263630
I know nothing and nothing matters.
I contemplate powers to a degree that may be unhealthy, elaborately structured rule systems governing the preternaturally endowed characters of my paracosms.

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I always knew there was something wrong with me, ever since I was a kid.

Anyway, How did I do, doctor?

>>36263636

He used to beat you, out of anger? What caused the anger?

>>36263650

Sooner or later, problems arise if the source isn't solved, so don't worry.

>>36263701
That depth of contemplation is ideally suited to world building - consider high fantasy (set in a fictional universe) rather than low fantasy (set in ours, as mine was). There's nothing unhealthy about it, you could really turn it to your advantage.

>>36263719
I'm not sure, It was when I was 3-5

I wonder what the average person would score like on this test. It seems everyone here is VERY HIGH on at least one or two categories, whereas most people I think might be moderate in a couple at worst.

Either 1 the test is flawed 2 we're exaggerating responses or 3 everyone here is in fact mentally ill

>>36263754
Personally I think it's 1 and 3. No idea what you'd need to score more than moderate on ASPD (and I actually have that diagnosis, though I don't know if it's accurate).

>>36263710

Tell me your symptoms.

>>36263753
>I'm not sure, It was when I was 3-5

That's very young for beatings. What kind of beatings were they?

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Bloody hell, is there any hope?

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>>36263663
100% they made fun of me.

I have a beard and look really masculine.
I'm 20 years old but have more hair growth than the rest of my peer group in my country.

That pic is actually one of the pics that they made this was seconds before i run out.
They send it to me afterwards.

>>36263792
He would yank me whenever I did some shit and he would hit me with his shoes on my head

Also, I want to fuck my mom, does that mean anything?

I also have trouble with females, can't approach them, can't start convos with them, can't continue convos with them, have a deep hatred for women that look like whores.

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I do think the test is too sensitive and has too few questions per disorder.

That said, I also think most people here have something, quite logically.

>>36263873

I really only see one solution: smack their phones off their hands, see how they like it.

That's quite brutal of them. Are they mentally retarded?

>>36263875
>He would yank me whenever I did some shit and he would hit me with his shoes on my head

A kid that age automatically does some shit. Damn... This isn't normal.

>Also, I want to fuck my mom, does that mean anything?

Certainly, but I don't know what just yet. Describe your mother.

Nick, one question, are you on any medication, or have been in the past? If so please state how it was.

Thanks.

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>>36263892
>Personality Disorders: 3-5 per 100
Are we just all ITT or something?

>>36263925

I've been on antidepressants from 2004 to 2012 with a short break in 2005. I currently believe it was utterly pointless and potentially unwise.

I got side effects but no discernable benefits to my mind. The kind of depression I had was, in my opinion, very Borderline, completely relationship-based, and meds couldn't help.

>>36263314
>>36263444
This sounds good desu.

>>36263946
It would make sense for damaged people to congregate at one spot. Also I think lots of these mental illnesses are underdiagnosed (mainly in men). Like borderline.

Men are obviously much less likely to seek help, not to mention guys like us often don't even have anyone to seek help from. Well, other than from each other.

>>36263957

My gf has BPD and has been on every antidepressant imaginable (prozac, sertaline, citalopram, amytriptaline...) and NONE have worked. I don't know why docs keep prescribing ssris and shit for BPD. It does nothing for moodswings and coming off it makes everything worse than it did.

>>36263924
I've had a thing for milfs since I was in my early teens, but one day someone on the internet sent me a photo of my mom fingering herself and I've wanted to fuck her ever since.
My mom is hot as fuck big ass, nice tits, and a great face. Just thinking about her gets me hard

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>>36263946
ban jojo now

>>36263985
>My gf has BPD and has been on every antidepressant imaginable (prozac, sertaline, citalopram, amytriptaline...) and NONE have worked.

I'm no psychiatrist but studies show that Borderline is not helped with medication. It's completely useless because it tries to handle the mood instead of the personality, and you can't give meds for personality.

She needs DBT.

>>36263996
>one day someone on the internet sent me a photo of my mom fingering herself and I've wanted to fuck her ever since.

Who sent you that?

How did they get that?

Why did they send you that?

>>36264095
I put in milf as an interest on omegle and I found someone, he sent me random milf pics and one was my mom, he said he found it on the internet

Haven't been able to find the image since then

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>>36264080

I bought her this book which apparently is the source material for DBT training, most therapy courses actually follow it and is very highly regarded... but it read like a simple self-help book and most of the advice was very basic.

>>36264143

Damn, what were the odds? Do you think your mom posts such images? Or your father?

Are you 100% sure it was your mother?

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>>36259571
This test is such bullshit, look at all the stuff it spewed out for me, typical, lets assume everything is wrong since the subject is taking the test, so they'll believe anything.

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>>36264046
JoJo is here to stay fag

>>36264300

Do an OCD test. See what happens.

>>36263974
Thanks, if I ever get round to redrafting, I'll be sure to share info about it here.

>>36264263
I am 100 percent sure, I looked like it was taken after my parent's divorce

>>36264300

It is extremely difficult to get a diagnosis for any of these from a real psychiatrist. You really have to be crazy, if you can even function in society they won't label you with a personality disorder.

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>>36259571
eh, not sure

>>36264384
That must depend where you live. They weren't shy in my case.

>>36264341
I can't seem to find it on the site, care to link it?

>>36264510

http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/do-i-have-ocd

Try this one. I'll try to.

Well, no OCD for me.

I remember having some as a child, though.

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>>36264665

Forgot image. The original image.

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>>36264559
Well this one seems to be not so full of it.

>>36264559
Wonder how I'll score...

All together, we can probably test tests, so to speak.

>>36264384
I haven't been to a real doc, they are expensive, and also the only mental doc I know of is my friends mother, wouldn't feel right to open up to someone I know. Also she didn't accept another guy we know, maybe she wouldn't even accept me either.

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I can't get intimate with anybody and nobody loves me except my mom. The men in my life have ruined me, what they have left in me is this incredibly low self esteem and the reluctance to get intimate with other people. That's why I'm a nuisance to everybody around and I still haven't killed myself because I love my mom. Honestly, I don't think I can ever be a normal person.
I'm a loner, hermit locked up in my bedroom, socially awkward, no friends, no boyfriend/husband, avoiding people and pushing them away, bizzare sexual fetishes, have a million things wrong with my head that I struggle with everyday for years
I'm sure I will never get married and raise my children because I'm too scared that i'll fuck up something, I have made it clear to myself that I will not. I can't guarantee they'll get the love they deserve. It doesn't come naturally to someone like me.
My life in basic terms is me being intimidated by other people. When my mom dies, I'll keep living because thats what she wants. it would hurt to live without her. I wish this life has never happened, then I wouldn't be aware to give any sort of fucks.
If you feel like you have nothing to say, you don't have to reply to me.

>>36264774
add me back on instagram please, I won't leak any of your pictures

Please just trust me

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Nothing surprising to me.

>>36264743
Sure, have at it:
https://ohmy.disney.com/quiz/2014/06/25/quiz-which-disney-princess-are-you/
I got Mulan

Seems pretty good

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>>36264894
Oops, don't know how I forgot that

>>36264867
I have a bizarre urge to take this one...

Well, it would be better if it was 0/0. Some of the things in the test were spot on though. I get random disturbing images in my head that I can't control. Like sitting in a meeting with a client and suddenly I imagine puking all over the table for example. It might sound funny, but it's really unnerving. Sometimes the mental images are violent too.

>>36264774
>If you feel like you have nothing to say, you don't have to reply to me.

There's a lot to say. I don't even know where to start.

But don't despaire, it's not all lost, and you aren't the only one with problems like these, even if that's hard to believe, you aren't alone.

And it may not seem that way, but people with similar problems can also be in society and you'd not really suspect them of anything.

Have you ever been to a therapist of any sort?

>>36264774
I know a girl much like you described, tried to get close but she wouldn't let me, a shame really, we could've made it together, but alone we are destined to fail. Although I wouldn't want any kids in a working relationship either, I'm just too fucked up, I don't want to pass that on.

>>36264912
Nothing bizarre about it, we're here to answer the big questions.

>>36264856

Man... I didn't respond to a SINGLE thing positively. This is a good test. Let's add it to our collection.

>>36264867

I'm on it.

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>>36264919
Fuck. Forgot to post the picture.

oregano

>>36264929
doomed to fail, not destined, fucking engrishu skillz starting to wear off in the night

>>36264867
Snow White. Seems fair

>>36264854
too bad for you i don't use instacracks or any other social apps. judging by you've said youre probably mistaking me for somebody else

>>36264919
>Sometimes the mental images are violent too.

I sometimes imagine using a metal baseball bat to cave in people's skulls. Is this normal? I usually do it about people that hurt me, so that I reach a point, in my fantasy, where I feel sorry for them, which reduces my anger. Sort of.

>>36264972
Don't lie to me ciara, I fucking know it's you, please

I want to be friends with you, you're very nice talking to you makes me happy

>>36264939
Ah, the site is too slow for me. Some questions are not meant to be answered by mere mortals.

>>36264975
Well this is one of the things that I don't consider to be bad, but obviously it would be better if you didn't have to do it. It would be better if you didn't have to release your anger in this way.

Also about the images that I'm having, I can't control them. I'm talking to someone calmly, everything is fine and suddenly the mental image of beating the person with the nearest blunt object pops into my head. I have no control over it.

Seems the Disney quiz trolled me. I did it and no results showed up. Trying again.

I got 9/20 9/20 on the OCD quiz. Can't say I agree but there we are.

>>36265064

It doesn't work. I'll never know what princess I am.

Unless you do it for me:

>curling with a book
>a horse
>kindness
>a forest
>long, really long
>a writer
>classic
>in a small town
>hit the gym
>blue

>>36265117
>Can't say I agree but there we are.

With that score, it probably told you you didn't have OCD. What do you disagree with?

>>36265141
Weird, I tried to do it for you and got nothing as well, I think you've found an impossible combination

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>>36265064
i guess the test checks out.
yesterday a friend came back from a trip and his gf forgot to leave the keys to his apartment so he asked if he could spend some time in my house. we had a few beers then his gf came for him and he invited me to his apartment. we were talking and playing drinking games til 6am. i was very interested in the conversations and i was seemingly having a good time but at the same time i couldnt stop myself from thinking about suicide. i feel like ive lost the ability to enjoy things

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https://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/
Give this one a whirl. Not about mental illness, but general personality. Considered to be more reliable than the MTBI by some.
>>36265167
Just higher than expected

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>>36265192

Thank you, Ethan.

>mfw I fail the goddam Disney princess quiz...

>>36265234
Based on your answers, I'd diagnose you as Belle

>>36265209
>>36264867
>>36264559
I love these kind of things, they make me feel like I'm learning things about me that I didn't know myself. Do you have anymore?

As you can probably tell, I'm extremely bored

>>36265203
>i feel like ive lost the ability to enjoy things

Anhedonia, I think, is the name.

Nice to see you here.

>>36265209

On it.

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interesting. how accurant is these anyways?

>>36265285
They are a lot of fun, aren't they? I'll have a look around online. You do the same, if you've a mind to.

>>36265299
Not very. Too few questions, too simplistic. Extreme scores are likely to be wrong.

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This ones quite good, I'd say that's accurate

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>>36265288
>Anhedonia, I think, is the name.
is there any way to counteract anhedonia. so far nothing my pdoc has said has helped

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Well, fuck me. This does make me look like an asshole.

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On another note, I haven't felt well for a few hours now. No sign of it getting better. Apologies if I suddenly leave.

>>36265380
Is that your art? I love it so much, I've always enjoyed surreal art like yours

>>36265361
taught so, every test I score high on, autism, depression, BPD, schzio, sociopath, psychopath, I think that's why you've got those teen girls that list off disorder's "they have" like their a pokemon collection

>>36265265
>Based on your answers, I'd diagnose you as Belle

I'll be sure to tell my therapist: I'm Belle.

>>36265299

I'd take into consideration the very high results but I'd do other tests that focus solely on one condition.

does anyone have some tips to share on finding a good therapist? I've tried therapy before, several times, but always found it to be a waste of time (and huge waste of money). Basically, I'd go and talk about my problems and what I'm feeling, but instead of working to try and understand where those feeling come from or suggesting steps I can take to alter those thoughts, the therapist would do little more than provide an ear of sympathy and say stuff like "Wow that sure must be tough. Welp, hang in there. That'll be $200". After having that happen multiple times I came to the conclusion that therapy is a giant scam.

After listening to Stefan Molyneux and hear him repeatedly speak to the value and benefits of therapy, I've been wanting to give it another try but feel like I'm just going to get ripped off again. I don't have that much money, I can't afford to spend it frivolously. How can I find a therapist who isn't a scammer?

>>36265380

One thing I find to he helpful is exercising and taking a shower. It does make a difference to the mind. I personally lift, but I guess running can do the trick too.

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>>36265209
this one is close for me but falls short on the last two, those aren't applicable to me, so still I'd say mostly full of it just good roll on some RNG

>>36265416
>Well, fuck me. This does make me look like an asshole.

Well then it's a deal: this test is accurate.

You'll forgive me.

>>36265420
thanks. i wouldnt call it art but yes i made it. i also enjoy art directed towards fantasy. Bosch and such

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>>36265457
too bad, i already swim pretty much everyday and try to shower daily (more for my mom than for me really) when i was psychotic i spent about a month and half without showering

my doc says: take the meds religiously, shower, socialize, exercise, do things you used to enjoy

nothing works

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Narcissism comes up often, so here's a test pertaining to that:
http://personality-testing.info/tests/NPI/

Mine was lower than I expected desu

>>36265448
>does anyone have some tips to share on finding a good therapist? I've tried therapy before, several times, but always found it to be a waste of time (and huge waste of money). Basically, I'd go and talk about my problems and what I'm feeling, but instead of working to try and understand where those feeling come from or suggesting steps I can take to alter those thoughts, the therapist would do little more than provide an ear of sympathy and say stuff like "Wow that sure must be tough. Welp, hang in there. That'll be $200". After having that happen multiple times I came to the conclusion that therapy is a giant scam.

Did you make sure to see a therapist who works in a team led by a psychiatrist?

>Stefan Molyneux

Scary.

Let's try to find out what might be your problem, so you can save time before you try therapy.

What are you issues/symptoms?

>>36265435
I have done and score high results on those too, best bet is to see a doctor but fuck that shit, wouldn't want to turn out to be actually mentally ill

>>36265532

Did you try electromagnetic stimulation or something? Was it you who was considering it?

>>36265536

I think this is a good one, from memory.

>>36265551

If you are, you already are.

>>36265429
Maybe you could say a bit about yourself and any perceived symptoms you may have.

Let's get a name

>>36264929
...I know why she wouldn't, probably because either she doesn't know how to get intimate with you, she doesn't want to let you down. Intimacy is very scary if you ask me.
Another probability is that she's the type of person that does not put her trust in anyone else...

>>36264927
>Have you ever been to a therapist of any sort?
Once and it was psychiatrist, sat down for a bit, they learned that I have been freaking out about paranoia and it was not letting me sleep. I made a mistake and told the psychiatrist that I had attempted suicide, years ago and I'm NO longer depressed. They sent me to the hospital and on a 24 hour supervision that I hated every moment of. Thy psychiatrist was saying things about "theres more chance of future suicide if the patient had attempted suicide before" and they diagnosed me with OCD. I have never visited again because it's embarassing, makes a scene, and none of my problems were solved and furthermore my mom got notified about this and it made me feel even worse that she knew. at least I got medicine but I don't think that will solve anything.

>>36265580
not on paper I'm not.
fake it till you make it.

>>36265562
im considering it yeah. im waiting for the hospital to get the gubernamental funds to start their research program tho. that way it would be completely free for me. ive heard it works for around 60 percent of those with treatment resistant depression so i really have my hopes up

by the way nick thanks for being a sympathetic ear and i apologize if my english is insufficient. not my main language

>>36265542
>Did you make sure to see a therapist who works in a team led by a psychiatrist?

No, I just picked someone from my insurance company's list. I don't have any clue what to look for.

>What are you issues/symptoms?

I'm not even sure where to begin. I suppose my biggest issue is a long-running drug problem. But the reason I use drugs is primarily a coping/escapism mechanism. I don't have any friends or anyone in my life really, not even family. Getting high makes the hours of solitude go by faster and feel less unbearable. However it comes with a huge cost because I physically feel like garbage all the time now, and it's made me even more socially withdrawn than I was before, so the issue is self-perpetuating.

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>>36265629
forgot my extra original picture

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I feel worthless, horrible social skills, don't enjoy talking to people except my few somewhat close friends, think about killing myself a lot

Scored high on NHS autism test, above clinical threshold

I'll post my depression test results after this

>>36265598
I think she doesn't even realize I'm beta AF, because in the interactions we had I might have seemed like any other guy, yet here I sit 23 kv and take random tests on 4chan on a friday night

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>>36265671
This is how I scored on the test linked on the page of the 4degreez test

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>>36265536

4 out of 40.

>>36265581
I couldn't say, I'm normal in my mind I've learnt to live with the paranoia and delusions, the brain fog sucks at times but a shower helps clear that a little, lot's of depression though, sometimes I can wake up and I'll be less depressed then other days I wake up with pretty bad job. I am quite prone to anger though aswell there's lots of things that can trigger that. Apart from that there's nothing much else wrong bar a constant tug of war between wanting to be feminine and wanting to be masculine, some days I wake up, work out, then other days I wake up and regret working out because my body is less feminine.

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>>36265536
Huh, I wonder which question got me the 1 mark

>>36265598

That's a tough experience. How come you saw this person?

>>36265612

A denial, a denial, a denial.

>>36265629

Your English is fine and you are very welcome. Go with that program, I'm sure it'll do some good.

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>>36265536
Don't think this one is very good. The binary questions force you to distort the score one way or the other.

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At least I'm not vain. Good to see them addressing me properly within the quiz

>>36265654

Why are you socially isolated?

>>36265774
Agreed. More nuance would improve it.

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>>36265691
>yet here I sit 23 kv and take random tests on 4chan on a friday night

Could be worse, you could have opened a thread like this one 31 days in a row...

>>36265776
Wow, i didn't know narcissism was made up of so many different things, I always thought it was basically a synonym for vanity, but obviously not, looking at your results

>>36265779
hard to say. I never learned how to make friends, I guess. When I was younger, ie in my teens & early 20s, I had a circle of friends, but that happens naturally because at that age you're surrounded with similar-aged people so it's easier to meet people you click with. But as I got older I lost touch with those people and never managed to make any new friends. I also have very low self-esteem. "Who'd want to be friends with me?" is something I say to myself a lot. So I don't even make an attempt, feeling it's a futile endeavor from the outset.

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>>36265774

31 out of 40...

Very high narcissism, if I may say, which is somewhat odd.

>>36265815
It is nice to find that there's a little more to something than originally thought. It's true of a lot of conditions: for example, too many people reduce depression to being sad.

>>36265815

Narcissism is a psychological category which is about a whole lot of things that aren't obvious in the name.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

>>36265870
Why is it so odd?

>>36265839

I hear you out loud.

I want to be your friend.

>>36265900

I didn't think of as you very narcissistic.

>>36265699
I should add, I want to be male, because of faith, I just can't fight the degenerate side, it is quite strong.

>>36265418
>n another note, I haven't felt well for a few hours now. No sign of it getting better. Apologies if I suddenly leave.

This isn't improving. If I had to stand, I fear I might faint.

Pretty sure this is a BPD thing.

Or maybe I'm reaching the end of my tether.

>>36265958

What's your biological sex?

>>36265691
Might as well be... and might as well be that she's okay with it. What makes you kv at this age though? have you decided to be that yourself or...?

>>36265749
pediatrician couldn't do anything about me being paranoid and told me to go to a shrink. Psychologists take months. Psychiatrists on the other hand can meet with them quickly. and I wanted to sleep.

>>36265933
I confess I did intentionally score that high just to see how you would react and as a critique of the test, but I imagine I'm more narcissistic than you might expect, which I've been reluctantly to talk about because it would irrevocably change your opinion of me for the worse. Especially when you said you saw me as "gentle." That is something neither I nor (I would expect) anyone who's had to deal with me would say. If I'm to be honest, it has to come out sometime...

>>36265993
I was born male, and I want to die male, but a part of me doesn't like that.

>>36266020
*reluctant

>>36265995
>pediatrician couldn't do anything about me being paranoid and told me to go to a shrink. Psychologists take months. Psychiatrists on the other hand can meet with them quickly. and I wanted to sleep.

Try a psychologist who belongs to a team led by a psychiatrist. You probably saw a doc that deals with people in the fastest way possible.

Got schizoaffective disorder. Anyone else relate? Never met anyone anywhere who had this disorder.

>>36265958
This is going to sound very wishy-washy, but to an extent people are all made up of parts. There's nothing wrong with being a bodybuilder but making time for an occasional spa day. Remember that even if you don't buy into the 'social construct' stuff, it doesn't mean that if a girl touches meccano she's automatically a lesbian. Wanting to express your feminine side does not make you a gigantic faggot; it's healthier not to repress. Allow yourself to explore all elements of yourself and come to terms with them. You don't need to compromise yourself morally to do that. Don't listen to /pol/.

Three weeks of Lexapro and still nothing.

>>36266053
The psychiatrist thinks I have schizoaffective disorder as well. It's because I had a psychosis and they put me on the schizophrenia spectrum.

>>36265976
If you need to leave, that's fine. In the meantime, is there anything that grounds you? For example, water or a cup of tea?

>>36266020
>I confess I did intentionally score that high just to see how you would react and as a critique of the test,

Damn... I never would have imagined that. That's interesting.

> but I imagine I'm more narcissistic than you might expect, which I've been reluctantly to talk about because it would irrevocably change your opinion of me for the worse.

No, I actually thought it made sense in some degree, but not the sort of narcs my parents are, definitely. You aren't quick to trust or to open up, very self-relient, so I could see that. My opinion of you is still good. My only offline friend has "fleas" from a narc father, we both recognise the symptoms but my opinion hasn't diminished.

I still think you're a gentle person.

>>36265925
thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.

anyway, any advice on finding a therapist who can actually help me with my issues and isn't going to just nod agreeingly and give a pat on the back? Or perhaps a different approach would be better? I'm not sure how much longer I can take living like this. I can't imagine living decades more spending my days getting high alone while awaiting death. I want to break free, but it doesn't seem possible.

>>36266039

We should discuss that.

Guys, I'm going out to buy some food to survive Easter, not that I so badly want to but I like having options.

See you later.

>>36266066
Yeah. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I probably did fit into the diagnosis. Shit makes living so much harder than it needs to be. Got fired from my last job probably because of it.

>>36266086
>You aren't quick to trust or to open up, very self-relient
Is that "aren't" modifying "very self-reliant?" Are you saying that I'm not?

>>36266166
I always thought I had some degree of schizophrenia as well, likely made worse by shitposting on 4chan all the time. Then I had the psychosis and it pretty much confirmed it

>>36266055
It's not really touching my feminine side that I don't want to deal with, it's becoming a female that I'm trying to repress, I'm draw towards getting HRT and all that shit, at one stage I was thinking have an ice bath and cut off my manhood. I don't have a problem with being a little bit feminine sometimes but I don't want to be a full blown female, atleast a part of me doesn't.

>>36259571
>make good and close internet friend
>need a few days to myself and dont answer messages very often
>go on self-hatred (and eventually drug) binge
>come back after i get my shit sorted
>friend replaced me
>still talk to me
>get irrationally pissy with them
>block them
>less than 5 minutes later realize i fucked up and just shut out the closest thing i had to a friend over petty jealousy
>uncontrollable_sadness.mp4

Fuck me, right lads?
Tell me, pseudo-doc,
how fucked in the head am i desu?

>>36266184
Describe your psychosis.

For me, it basically manifested as paranoia. I'm always afraid people are talking about me.

>>36266184
Shitposting doesn't seem to enhance my schizophenia, am I doing it wrong?

>>36266199
It's not a decision that you can take lightly. You need to thoroughly examine why part of you feels that way, and how your life might improve if you went through with it. You also need to consider the negative repercussions. I would also advise you to question whether this website may have influenced you in this.

I was once close to making a similar decision - though the circumstances were rather different. Nevertheless, I am relieved that I didn't make such an irreversible choice.

>>36266237
ME too, I had become extremely paranoid. It felt like the police would arrest me any time soon. I actually attempted suicide because of that. Even when I ended up at the hospital, I felt like I was part of some experiment.

>>36266258
Well the thing is, if I went through with it, I'd only still want to be male, as I said it's a tug of war between the two sides, I wouldn't be surprised if it was this website that might have really awoken that side, but Ithink what influenced it more was how naturally feminine I am anyways, it teases me.

>want to ask for help
>know no one can

well.

cant take it much longer bros

>>36266276
I'm afraid my psychosis isn't quite that severe.

That must really get in the way of things in your life. Glad you didn't succeed in your suicide attempt.

>>36266366
We made our decision because the bitter reality is, you could never be truly female. How alluring that would be; but no. You would be a temporarily feminised, castrated male. What's more you would age like milk. Then, when you could no longer get off efficiently, can't procreate and clearly no longer pass, you start to understand the 50 per cent suicide rate. Transitioning is essentially always a huge mistake.

Has anyone here been able to link their problems to drug or alcohol use?

Like heavy weed smokers getting paranoia or something.