Itt: iilegal things you've done that you got off scot free with

One time when I was in third grade a stole some erasers that were in cool shapes from a gift shop

>>36209303
Most people do something lowkey illegal and get away with it on a regular basis.

I pirate anime

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>>36209303
Chris chan makes me chuckle every time

>>36209303
>drugs, lots of them
Also when I was in primary school a classmate of mine got her back broken because of me and I never got shit for it

>>36209303
robbed a guy $50 in downtown
insurance job on a car. lit it on fire. not my car
scott free

>>36209303

I stole a laptop that was charging from a cafe next the food court. I walked behind the counter and just grabbed it. No workers noticed me. But some bitch, some fucking Good Samaritan who was sitting there having coffee, sprung to action and tried to apprehend me, screaming "that's not yours!" over & over again..

Anyway, a tug of war battle ensued up the escalators to the next floor of the the mall. She just wouldn't relent. I fantasised about throwing it over the edge of the balcony so no one could have it, but I eventually conceded defeat and just gave it back to her. She claimed it was hers, which I knew was an outright lie. I definitely instilled a lot of fear into her, at least. I think she thought I was going to hit her.

There was this other time I sorta robbed an old lady a little (she actually left money on the counter, which I snatched) but I was tackled by yet another Good Samaritan on a andrenaline high. Once again, I think there's something about crooks that makes people quite wary/fearful, I told him she could have the money back but that I was fucking off, and that was that. Security just stood there. I was also asked why I did it and randomly blurted out: "I've got kids, man!", the only line my xannied out brain could think of at the time.

>>36209577

Haha what a pathetic man.
Not only do you try stealing from grannies, but you can't even get it right. lol

>>36209638

Uh, I think you're on the wrong board nigger.

My successful heists have been numerous: every stolen half a dozen $800 printers from the Apple Store? No, didn't think so, bitch.

Also see: xanax.

>>36209303
Stole >~100s of cough syrup bottles(dxm). I had a rotation of different pharmacies to avoid suspicion but still had some close calls where I nearly got caught.

>>36209677

>bragging about stealing

I sometimes cross the road when the light is red.

>>36209745

>not having a coherent argument
>not being able to read a twelve-word thread title

puht carrieir bagz on my hed nonee can tellz me whath to doo

Bought/grew/sold/smoked weed and bought/grew/sold/ate shrooms for years. bought/sold/took all manner of controlled pills. Drank and smoked underage. Did cocaine twice. Bought/sold/dropped acid multiple times. Tresspassed twice. Browsed porn underage. Bought porn underage. Bought alcohol and cigarettes for minors. Pirating all manner of media for almost two decades. Etc.

>>36209773
not even arguing with you, just sounds like you got a big ego cause you stole some stuff bro lol

fapping with lolis images

>>36209825
That's not illegal tho
Try harder, fag

Killed some one neighboor dog [spoiler/]

>>36209944
Was it a tiny, anklebiting yipyapper? Did you poison it? Was it a Chihuahua? If it was, please tell me you crushed it under your boot

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>be a degenerate teen
>steal some brand new dynabolts from a construction site
>still in the original packaging and box with receipt
>take them back to the store and ask for a refund
>tfw cashier hands me $60

>>36209303
I used to shoplift candy when I was a kid because my mom never let me buy any and her cooking was shit. I never took more than two things at once but stopped when a store security officer showed up just as I was stuffing my pockets. He didn't say or do anything, he just stood there staring me down. They must've just wanted to scare me into never shoplifting again since I was young. I'm really grateful for that, thanks Target.

I also started smoking weed when I was 14 and have never been caught although my mom found my makeshift toilet paper roll bowl. She never even saw weed in her life so it wasn't hard to convince her that it was a device for igniting fireworks.

>>36209303
When I worked at the deli of my local Walmart, I stole so much food and ate it.
I used to drink and drive but i dont anymore.
Thats about it

>>36210052
Should also mention that I have torrents at least $10000 of movies, music, games and other software.

This board is full of broke boys like me so I'm sure we all have.

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>>36210059
There are documentaries and shit about stores throwing away fuck tons of food. I wouldn't be too worried about it. Drinking and driving isn't cool though. It's nice to know that you and others are okay.

two words
cat. hammer.

I speed every day.

Also once drove home for 3 hours after just waking up after being passed out from booze and even had a police car behind me for at least 40 minutes of that. Was absolutely bricking it.

>>36210276
Greentext requested.

>>36209804

Yeah I listed my failed ventures instead of my successful ones, which vastly outweigh the former.

I'm not a shit thief, that's all trying to emphasise here.

>>36210244
For real. i threw away an average of 10 to 15 whole rotisserie chickens per day.

I work for a drug cartel and have gotten away with stuff like murder and kidnapping a couple times.
>inb4 dirty spic

>>36209577
Are you a pavement ape?

>>36209677
>calls other people nigger
>steals from old ladies

>>36210392
No, your just a degenerate retard who tries to steal from the elderly. You are nothing more than a nigger.

>>36210541

Nah, just some street punk mostly.

Prior to trying to snatch that $ last year I hadn't stolen anything significant for some years.

>>36210575

Tbf they're easy targets, if it wasn't for that douche I would've gotten away with it easily. Bitch looked wealthy enough anyway, rollin' with hundreds and shit.

Best part is I genuinely don't give a fuck what you think.

>>36209536
Story?

Oregienal

>>36210503
Do you feel remorse at all?

>>36209303
I killed a spic trying to mug me over a decade ago.

>>36210392
>arguing with someone who'll never know who you are on an image board to prove you are a good thief

>>36210623
Yeah, but not enough to motivate me to stop, unfortunately. Plus, very few alternatives at this point. But i do genuinely feel bad at times.

>>36210601
You cared enough to try and justify your crime. You are just a retard who couldn't even rob an old lady, nothing more than an incompetent nigger. But you already knew that, why else would you be so be so insecure and reply.

>>36210646

Again, if i had any reason to fabricate a story to elevate self-worth, why would I begin with my failed endeavours?

Are you done senpai because I clearly don't enjoy being a broken record as much as you do evidently.

>>36210673

>Trying to be self-righteous on an image board.

It's NOT justifiable, it's something that I did though and I'm not one to shy away from such a fact, you blinding fucking retard.

>>36210662
How many people have you originally killed?

>illegally downloaded over 10,000GB worth of data since 2007

>committed 6 burglaries

>2 armed robberies

>kicked a woman in the face

still no criminal record

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>>36209389
>>36209473
>>36209561
>>36209577
>>36209758
>>36209784
>>36209802
>>36209944
>>36210059
>>36210186
>>36210276
>>36210307
>>36210632
You'll all be behind bars soon enough.

>>36210726

>he thinks the FBI have jurisdiction in Australia

>>36210715
Directly, only 6 or 7 people, senpai.

>>36210705
>being this mad that people call you out on nigger behavior

You are as insecure as a teenage girl.

>>36209577
How can you not when a tug of war with a female?

>>36210781

Daaaaw he's still going recycling the same insults over and over because his argument is nothing short of utterly foundationless.

Hey, speaking of butthurt..

>>36210770
Most brutal thing you've done/seen?

>>36210788

Yeah, I know. I must've possessed something similar to a conscience at that point in time (I was genuinely poor at desperate). In hindsight it would've been much more spectacular if I threw the laptop over the balcony along with her.

>>36210798
>he's still replying

What argument? You have already proven you are a thieving nigger. I'm just calling you out and you keep raging.

I witnessed a death and didn't report it.

>was in Brazil
>bunch of riots about olympic and world cup stadiums being built
>way outside of rio but one of the stadiums was being built nearby
>brazilians chimping out
>group of teens trying to flip a car
>rocking it back and forth
>it's about to tip so they all get under it and push
>they don't have the strength
>they all jump out of the way except one kid
>car fucking folds him
>run over to the kid to see if there's anything I can do
>all his '''friends''' have bolted at this point
>he's a mangled mess
>nearby elderly dude tells me to get the fuck out before I get associated with this
>never heard about it again

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>>36209303
If I told you about the crimes I've committed, you would lose your mind.

>>36210818
Seen various "brutal" things. Beheadings, torture, people being burnt alive in oil drums. Most disturbing thing imo tho is just the mind games the other guys do to the enemies, sometimes. Don't agree with it.

>>36210855

>says I'm trying to justify said crime
>calls me insecure
>thinks I'm offended when compared to niggers who possess near diplomatic immunity for crimes

^ This is your argument which you've reiterated several times, although I don't blame you for trying to discard it, because there's nothing there. Something I'm clarified more times then I'd like to care.

LOL BRO BTFO HAHA IM ONLY BEING RETARDED IRONICALLY

Have to get the last reply in so it doesn't look like I'm running around in circles.

>>36210909
>Tbf they're easy targets
> Bitch looked wealthy enough anyway, rollin' with hundreds and shit.

sure seems like trying to justify crimes to me. Nice long written reply btw, you really seem mad.

So this isn't so bad but it happened recently.
>Be 17
>Live in Japan (highschool)
>Get caught with 8 bottles of vodka, 40 cans of beer and some other stuff
>"I suppose that's okay where you're from anon"
>get no punishment
Japan's a fucking great place anons, drinking age is 20

>>36210905
How does it feel knowing you're a worthless murderer and the world would be better off without you? Imlying you aren't just rping.

>>36210985

>Not being able to discern sincere comments from insincere ones

>Thinks digging up text will save his pissweak argument which he claims to not have until he contadicts himself again.

Bye anon, have fun.

>>36211001
>Be 17
See you in a year!

>>36210612
We were playing the game of musical chairs. The music stopped and I was on the opposite side of the chair so I grabbed the top and flipped it around and sat. The girl who was playing against me was already sitting down and she hit the floor hard. She had some pre-existing condition with bones or something so she cracked a disc (or something) and started crying in pain and so on. She then would only show up to classes like once every three months for a week because he had to have therapy.
Now that I look at it I know I should feel bad but I just find it to funny

>>36211018
>how does it feel
Good at first because of all the money, not gonna lie. But of course it feels bad afterwards.

>>36211024
>I-i-i didn't mean what I wrote
>you can't use what I wrote against me, that not fair ;(

I'm not making an argument. Like I said before, you already admitted to being a thieving nigger trying to justify his crimes against the elderly.

>>36210905
You are still garbage, hope you get caught and skinned alive by one of your enemies one day

>>36210905
mind games? tell me senpai

>>36211080
How does it feel knowing it's just a matter of time until you're burning alive in an oil drum? It's not like the cartel will let you leave.

>>36210503
greentext a cartel story my good sir

>>36210503
now why would a cartel member be on /r9k/ ?

I call bullshit

>>36211098

>Construes targeting societies most vulnerable demographic for robbery is in any/way/shape form trying to provide justification for aforementioned actions.

Keep c l i n g i n g senpai, you're teetering procariously on the edge there though, I'd be careful.

>>36211101
>2 brothers held captive
>force one of them to kill the other with the promise of the other brother's freedome
>brothers hug and kiss and one tearfully kills other
>homeboy goes "just playing" before killing 2nd brother

Just prolonging stuff really. Also stuff like promising a dad that his daughters will be sold as whores before offing him.

my friend gave me this link and was like "look a funny le meme xddd" but when i opened it it was 400 videos of child porn. i still have it lol

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>>36211040
>not understanding what >be x means in a great text
>see you on reddit!

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>>36210726
Fuggg =(((((
Spare me

>>36211209
Why does this world have so many villains but so little heroes

>>36210726
Joke's on you, cunt. Been clean for years

>>36211514
Not that anon, but i think anyone that gets killed by the cartel deserves it for fucking around with shady mexicans.

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stole 200+ pounds from mum's credit card to buy this, lube and 2 other onaholes
good decision

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>>36209303
>stole a plastic candlestick holder as a kid
literally the worst ive done

>>36211674
Wouldn't she see the transaction history eventually

>Be Me
>Smoke weed every weekend for years
>Steal over $400 worth of items @ local superstore at once
>Steal booze from local grocery store
KEK

>>36211737
nope, I did it in october and september and she didn't see shit
I maxed out luck in my stats

Performed oral sex on a 13 year old boy when i was 18.

>>36211209
Just know that the life of a cartel member can be short, even for a boss.

>>36209303
I'm a serial jaywalker. I know I'm public enemy number 1 and a menace to society but please hear me out, SOCIETY MADE ME THIS WAY!!!

>>36211854
Yes, I know. I'm ready to die a well-deserved death. It just wont be at my hands.

I'm a celebrity, AMA except my identity because I'm just Frankie Muniz.

>>36211998
Famous girls you banged?

>>36212050
I JUST told you I'm Frankie Muniz. If its name isn't Erik Per Sullivan, I haven't banged it, and you know that.

>>36212070
Best pussy?

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>>36209303

I stole a lego part from my cousins house, twice.

Please be kind mr.FBI

>>36212084
Hard to say. The only sex I've ever had was getting fucked in my asshole by Erik Per Sullivan. Oh and being molested by my parents and studio executives of course, but that goes without saying. Every time the "pussy" was my anus, so I guess my answer is my anus?

>>36210244
In all the jails in America, lots and lots of salad is being tossed every day

One time when I was a kid I almost stole a soda from a convenience store, but I started feeling nervous so I put it back.

Imma good boy

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>>36209303
I removed pic related.

>>36211765
>I did it in october and september
Why would that change anything?

>>36212292
because it's been 7 months now, she ain't seen shit

>shoplift cough syrup
>ride a bike while intoxicated
>be drunk in public
>jaywalk
>litter
>loitering

>>36210244
>It's nice to know that you and others are okay.

This is an empty platitude. You have no real feelings.

>>36210781
>>36210673

You are fucking SEETHING and I love it.

Any more stories of robbing elderly? I want this cunts rage come through some more

>>36210276
actually unironically end your life

>>36212291
>except by the consumer
I think you're in the clear, just lie low for a bit to be sure

>>36212408
I didn't buy the mattress though...
and now they won't know if it has new materials or not

>>36212446
Oh shit you fucked up bad

>>36209303
>driving through my neighborhood
>see stop sign
>no one else around
>drive right through it
I'm a fucking madman

>>36212342

Glad I'm not the only one who noticed it.

I've robbed old ladies of their medication before as well.

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I jaywalked across the street to McDaddy-o's without looking both ways.
>just call me hellraiser

>>36209303
I stole the games we put in the game systems as demos when I worked at Walmart. Had a lady check my bag at the front door and she didn't say a word.

>>36212478
Oh well i kept the tag anyway so not like they'll find my fingerprints or anything

>>36209303
>stole a bottle of ink at hobby lobby after an employee pissed me off
that's... that's about it

>>36212291
You better hope they don't put you in gp for that, anon.

>>36212291
have fun in the pokey faggot.
Oregano.

>>36212310
Nigga I check my transaction history once a year. You're not in the clear.

>>36213162
I saw her check it before and she still doesn't know. The only reason I brought it in the first place was because it said 'discreet payment' which means I guess that it doesn't show up

>>36209303
>robbed a gamestop
>firebombed the house of local rapist
>firebombed house of local sheriff (related to above)
>poured bleach on neighbors lawn to spell out "I am a nosy cunt" (it's still legible to this day)
>Hotboxed a police car
>stole huge-ass tv from wally-world

I must have nigger genes or something.
>

>>36209303
I steal small shit from time to time. most of the time toys or candy bars
i sound like a teenager, don't i?

>>36209561
>>36209577
>>36209944
>>36210276
Actual scumbags

>>36210632
Hero, good on you buddy.

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>>36212503
When I read this my first thought was you plowed down the stopsign.

I was thinkin damn, he must have a big truck or somethin

>>36210863
Deaths in Brazil don't mean shit, anon, no point reporting them

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>>36213177
Discreet payment just means they womt directly say ANAL BUTTPLUG or DILDO on the box.

Everyone KNOWS what that shit is tho haha

>>36210632
>all that over a decade ago
Just let him have the decade ago man. It's not worth it.

>>36213188
pls share the stories

>>36210909
This post is the post that showed the audience who would be tko'd in this internet fight.

This is a internet fight career ending bout.

>>36213362

Let the past be, I wholeheartedly agree.

>>36210733
>brainwashed GODSAVETHEQUEEN mong thinks they don't

Snorting half a gram of cocaine on heathrow airport and going through security gates high as a kite

blackmailed a slut for nudes. Knew she wouldn't report it because she couldn't for the life of her have her parents find out. Was a good fap

I've technically raped 3 women.

>>36213177
Most likely scenario is that your mom knows all about your disgusting purchase but is to embarrassed to confront you about it. Look out for subtle signs of distrust and suspicions of you being gay.

>>36209303
Broke into my high school for basketballs, stole money from shops, got away with assault on some punk kids

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>>36209303
Once,I saw one of those rubber bouncy balls (that fit in your hand) laying in a friends garden while I was leaving.I took it and ran.Never heard anyone talk about it.5 years later I took it to school (9th grade I think) and lost it.I wonder where that bouncy ball is now.

Fucked a drunk girl while I was stone sober

When I was 13 years old I convinced some guy over PSN to give me his email and password. I just wanted to download his games for free, nothing too bad. But then when 13 year old me saw his credit card info was on his account, I couldn't control myself and bought like 500 dollars worth of games. I committed credit card fraud at age 13. All Sony did was permanently ban my PS3, so I think that counts as getting away with it legally.

>>36213503
I've only done one dude, story?

i LARP'd on a quarterly earnings conference call while shitposting on reddit

When I was 14, I went shopping, but I forgot my wallet
Luckily, there was a bar of chocolate left in one of the shopping carts so I took it
Later I realised I do have some money in my pocket so I gave it to a homeless man

>>36213977

First was a girl I had over under the obvious pretences of Friendship, I put a hand up her skirt and she started to resist, kept saying no, after a few moments I managed to get a finger inside her, she clenched up, but desu she was wet. After a while she just kind of went limp, wouldnt look at me while I fucked her, asked me not to cum inside her. Wouldnt take her clothes off, cried afterwards.

Second was a girl I convinced I was a photographer looking for models, long story short she got nude at her house and I told her to close her eyes and open her mouth like she was having a shower, I put my dick in her mouth. She kind of went with it for about 3 minutes, just letting me bob her head back and fourth, and then she started balling her eyes out and got on her feet and ran over to the bed and just laid there. I walked over, got behind her, and then just started sort of thrusting away, she wasnt very wet at the start but my cock was from her mouth so it kinda hurt. Ended up cumming in her ass crack

Last one I won't talk about because it even makes me a little sick.

I'm glad I don't do drugs any more. I've always had fantasies, but the Meth made me act them out. I mean, the first time I started fantasizing about this stuff I was 9 years old.

>>36214253
lol what a bunch of pussy barbies, if u tried to rape me I'd wreck ur fukc up tbqh famalam DESU they asked for it XDDXDDD :DDDDDDDXD XDDD XDDDDDDDD :D XD :D rip
lol captcha said to select pictures of you're are mom :D XDDD

>>36210828
I think we can gouge that you're a compulsive liar.

>>36214253
Tell the third story.

>>36210726
BUSTED
U
S
T
E
E

>local pedophile getting arrested mid diddle
>had rape dungeon set up and everything in house
>shirtless and yelling incoherently
>neighbors gathered on pedos lawn cause cops not doing job right
>absent mindedly try to open his car door
>opens
>inner nigger takes over
>look around before raiding the change he had in coasters
>tried to go for steering wheel cover but cops started clearing people out
>made like $2.50

I burned a trash can in 9th grade once

>>36209303
At first I thought this thread was going to be a bunch of shoplifting stories. Some of this shit is nigger tier

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>>36209303
Reminded me of that app I got banned for

Here he is, improved.

>>36215189
No one cares, Fuck off moralfag.

>>36209303

>ran a red light
>ran a stop sign
>did 85mph in a 45mph zone
>possessed marijuana
>possessed alcohol when I was under 21
>beat the shit out of some 10 year old at the skate park when I was 14 because he wouldn't get out of my face
>drove home intoxicated on several occasions

I'm a law abiding citizen these days, though.

>>36211076
Not really your fault anyway. Kids do that shit all the time. She should have been aborted. Or home-schooled

>Drove drunk one night and ran over some teenager. Still drive drunk a lot.
>Ran over a dog when sober.
>Failed to report the death of my best friend since I was partly responsible for it.

>>36210726
>I was just shit posting online FBI-kun and there is nothing you can do to prove otherwise
Oh wow. Look at all those free people.

>>36215289
>>possessed alcohol when I was under 21
Holy shit why is burgerland so retarded

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>>36209303
When I was in kindergarten I stole a tiny, black hot wheels truck. I had the same one in yellow at home, but was playing with the black one and wanted it. When I got home, I told my mom we painted our toys at school

The folly of man struck me that day

>>36209303
good lord jeff mangum has let himself go

>>36215502

I don't know, man. We really just don't have any trust in our youth I guess. In some states you can't even gamble until you're 21. It's pretty ridiculous.

One time I me n my buds lit a bunch of molotovs and threw that shite in the road, the whole road was a fucking inferno and the grass from the field caught on fire. It was insane.

making illegal firearms in UK for fun
more specifically flamethrowers

>>36213362
It's easy to tell who came from reddit 5 minutes ago. Witty pun my dude

>>36211160
>Everyone on /r9k/ is a loser
Anon...

>>36209303
Stole $2000 from my parents
Flew with my brother's passport
Stole 7 laptops from my school and resold them
Shoplifting food, meds, electronics, clothes
Stole my dad's laptop

>>36210052
>although my mom found my makeshift toilet paper roll bowl.
loled

Stole some kind of lamp in the form of a helicopter from one of my friends in kindergarten. Funny thing is, i showed it to him a couple months later and didnt even remember having it.

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>>36213362
Don't do that

More original

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Ahhahahha nice try fbi.

Drugs selling, carding, going on the DW to watch some uncensored true shit like murders or whatsoever

>>36209303
drugs
orignalio

Vandalism when I was 13
Stole snacks from the school store all the time
Didn't give a fuck then still don't give a fuck niqqaa

>>36215795
Implying a loser couldn't be part of a cartel furthermore

>>36216166
This too. Good point anon

>>36209825
[spoilers]Irl lolis?.[/spoilers]